Hope and fear (Awelo, Part 1)
#1 of Awelo - The Protector
The sharp sunlight struck Darian full in the face as he crested the hill. It was 6am and he was heading home.
He stopped and winced, shielding his eyes with his russet-furred arm. All around him, the city was coming to life. Cars whooshed past him as furs hurried to work. He grinned and wagged his tail. What a night! His tailhole still ached dully from the pounding he'd received the night before. A certain Great Dane had had his way with him. Pity the big guy had passed out from too much tequila.
He sighed happily and resumed his run, loping easily along the sidewalk back to his dorm room. His young, limber body coped easily enough with the demands he placed on it: dancing, drinking, drugs, fucking...the young fox crammed as much living as he could in between studying.
It didn't take him long to reach his room. He bounded up the stairs easily and slipped quietly into his room to avoid alerting his neighbours to his arrival. They disliked his active social life and was forever trying to reform him, one by constant lecturing and loud complaints, the other by physical force. Both were homophobes and Darian despised them.
He glanced at the clock on the wall. 6:15. He had 45 minutes to shower and dress. His first class was at 7:30 and it was at the other end of the campus. If he wanted time for breakfast and a decent wash, he had to get started. He grinned and shucked easily out of his clothes, slipping them off his soft-furred, slender, but well-toned body. He murred as memories of the previous night's adventures flooded back. He'd be lucky if he had any spunk left! The big dog from last night and probably sucked and pawed him dry.
He ran for the bathroom and opened the taps in the shower, carefully adjusting the temperature until it was just right. He smiled and hummed cheerfully under his breath as he washed. This was going to be another long day.
In another part of the dorm, a fuzzy grey-furred head poked out from under the covers of his bed as his alarm clock screamed for attention. The large lump under the blankets groaned and a paw snaked out to quest in vain for the snooze button. Failing to find it, he settled for slapping it until it obediently shut up. He groaned again and pulled the covers over his head.
Monday fucking morning. Great.
He really ought to get up...
...later. Much later. Not now. No...It simply wasn't possible that it was Monday morning. He drew his arms over his head and ears to drown out the twittering of the birds and moaned. Coffee. He needed coffee. Now.
The big wolf sighed and turned onto his back as his body relaxed from the curled up lump it had been. He habitually slept naked and the course blankets rubbed painfully against his morning wood. He growled softly and threw the blankets off him.
His wolfhood stood 9 inches from the tip to where it disappeared into his soft white sheath. Veins throbbed all along the red length of it. He sighed. It's been a while since last it saw some action. Briefly he considered pawing to relieve some of his pent-up frustration, but decided against it. It would add a certain aggression to him later in the day when he would compete in the intervarsity 100m sprint.
He sighed and heaved himself upright. Oh gods...it was too early in the morning for it to be early in the morning. Nevertheless, he swung his powerful legs off the bed and got up. He stretched and tensed every muscle in his body, then ran through his morning exercise routine. By the time he was finished, the room smelled powerfully of male wolf. Sweat soaked his soft grey and white fur and plastered it to his well-toned, muscular body. Most of the girls and not a few of the guys lusted after him, and he made a point of satisfying as many of the girls as he could. He never touched the males though. He wasn't gay.
The clock read 6:45 as he jumped under the shower. Not much time before class, and he still wanted breakfast. He showered quickly and rubbed his fur dry quickly. He never bothered with fur0dryers.
At 7:00 sharp, he grabbed a banana and a protein shake and headed out, slamming the door behind him. He's have his breakfast on his way to class.
The lecture hall was packed.
The din of excited voices filled every nook and cranny and made it almost impossible to think. Everyone was catching up and two foci of attention stood at opposite ends of the room. The college jocks attracted a lot of the unattached females while Darian had his own crowd around him. Far from being outcast, the insatiable fox had many friends. It didn't matter that his group was unpopular with all the others; it was still a social force to be reckoned with.
The fox shook his head and turned his attention back to his friend.
"You're playing with fire, Flow," he said and shook his head.
Flow was a slender tabby cat with an eye for the boys, and currently her eyes were fixed on Jennan, the big grey wolf that formed the core of the campus athletics team. He stood amid his own crowd, munching a banana and grinning like an idiot while some star struck chick chatted him up. The big wolf's social life was almost as hectic as Darian's was.
"Nah!" She disagreed in the drawl she was in the habit of using. It irritated Darian for some reason. "He's a little ol' puppydawg! Ah can handle 'im!"
Darian had serious doubts about that, and said so.
"Listen, kitten. You don't mess with that guy. He's so fucking alpha-male he probably couldn't stop if you hit him with an oestrogen mallet!" He didn't add that he'd once been beaten up by Jennan and a pack of his friends. It had been back in their high school days when Jennan had been the star of the baseball team and Darian had just come out as a fag. They'd never had much use for each other, and when that happened, the rift widened even more. Here at college, if the two of them were ever mentioned in the same breath, it was about their sexual popularity: Jennan was undoubtedly the straight man-slut and Darian held the same title among the fags. Other than that, they had nothing in common. Except an affinity for mathematics. Yeah...
Flow just laughed at him and swatted his arm.
"Ah won't tell 'im to stawp! He kin pump 'is meat in me awl naight!"
Darian grinned and shook his head.
"It's your pussy, kitten."
She laughed again and just then, the lecturer arrived. Somewhere amid the flood of equations, Darian forgot all about what Flow had told him she planned.
Monday luckily was not his busiest day. Three lectures and then sports practice. He'd set a new personal best earlier over the 100m and then, just for the hell of it, ran the 200m too. There he ended second, just a fraction behind the sprinting cheetah who gave him a look filled with venom as they crossed the line.
The cheerleaders had been practicing too and they cheered loudly whenever he glanced their way. One of them in particular seemed very eager to get his attention. The busty little tabby cat simpered and winked every chance she got. Jennan knew the signs well enough by now. She wanted into his pants. Well, he'd oblige her. Practice ended at 15:00. He'd ask her out.
When next he was up for a rest and she glanced his way, he grinned invitingly and motioned her over. She came at a steady trot as only a cat could manage, and sat next to him.
"Yew look really greyt out thar on the field t'day! Betcha a big dawg like you take a lot of feedin'! Wanna grab a burger when yer awl done 'ere?"
Jennan suppressed a shudder and had to look down her very ample cleavage to convince himself that this girl was worth his time. An athlete eating hamburgers? What a dunce she was. Not to mention the way she mangled the language.
"I'm Flow, by the way," she continued and leaned over him, her tight-fitting cheerleading outfit sliding down somewhat, revealing more of that delicious cleavage.
Sweet mother of god, Jennan thought. Imbecile or not, this girl had a body he could really screw. His wolfhood responded to the stimulus and started slipping free of his sheath.
"What do you say we skip burgers and go straight to Luigi's? The food's much more civilised and a girl like you deserve the best!" Yeah. Right. By tomorrow I won't even remember your name..."just let me finish up here, and hit the shower. I'll meet you at the main gate by 3:15. How's that sound?"
The cat laughed, her drawl making it sound like the braying of a donkey and Jennan suppressed another shudder.
You're really scraping the bottom of the pool here, lad...his brain told him. Hot or not, this girl just wasn't worth it. Surely...surely there were better ones available? Trouble was...there didn't seem to be. For the last month and more, girls had crowded him, one more lovely and alluring than the next...but all of them had some fatal flaw that made him unable to stand their company. Jenine had that vapid, adoring look in her eyes that made him want to look for the hole in the back of her head where the sun shone in. Marla's perfume smelled like cheap soap. Carline was a chatterbox that never stopped yapping, even when they fucked and Dione...Dione reminded him of Freddy Kruger in a weird kind of way.
This was college for fuck's sake! Surely there had to be normal girls here? Surely? He looked at the lovely tabby cat, and all hope died. Even his boner had called it a day. Shit.
"Listen, I better get back to it..."
"Sure, big fella! Ahl'll see ya 'round at three-fiftain!"
As he got up, she slapped his ass and scampered off. Grinning and winking over her shoulder.
_Oh, for a friggin' lamppost..._Jennan lamented. He sighed and went back to his practice.
By 2:45 he was exhausted and in absolutely no mood for...what had her name been? Flavia? Fleet? ...Fancy...?...He shook his head and gave up. What did it matter? He entered the locker room and endured another round of easy camaraderie from his friends on the team.
He hit the showers last, telling everyone he had a date lined up and they all laughed in understanding.
Yeah...
With a test coming up on Wednesday, Darian for once did the responsible thing and went to the college library to study that afternoon. The euphoria of being fucked by that big dog had long since worn off, to be replaced by something else.
Today, he wanted no poundings, just his muzzle in a book.
He sighed and grunted as he hauled out the huge textbook and plonked it down on the table. Soon, his mind was lost in calculus, quickly solving the problems until he'd mastered the techniques the Prof had patiently taught them that day.
His ears swivelled alertly, and as the work started to bore him, he picked up Flow's braying laugh. Belatedly, he remembered what she had planned.
Everyone knew Jennan's routine. After practice on Monday, he usually hit Luigi's if he had a date...or Barney's if he didn't. Jennan loved shooters, and though he never overindulged, he did drink a fair bit.
Flow planned to stand him up...and then hit him as he emerged from Barney's...
Bad, bad idea...Jennan was never alone at Barney's. He always had his pack of friends with him. Flow was going to get herself into deep trouble.
Not even flow deserves that...
Darian shuddered at the memory of Jennan's fist slamming onto his cheekbone, shattering it. A second blow had cracked his skull. Other fists - not Jennan's - had pasted his face. He'd been lucky not to lose his eyes. It had taken 4 major corrective surgeries to reconstruct his face. He no longer looked like he did back then...which was appropriate: he wasn't the same person inside.
For a moment he sat undecided, fear making his heart beat faster, but the sound of Flow's voice proudly proclaiming that she could "handle" the big wolf made the choice easy.
No, Flow...You can't handle him. He's a beast. He'll kill you...
He grabbed his books and backpack and sprinted out the door toward the lockers.
Jennan emerged from the gym freshly showered and sporting a clean pair of black jeans and a black Metallica shirt printed in electric blue. His sneakers too were black and blue. It was his signature look. The jeans and shirt fitted him like a second skin, showing every bulge and every ripple. Piercing blue eyes regarded the world with some distaste.
During the shower, his libido had reasserted itself with a vengeance.
Damn, damn, damn...should have pawed this morning...At least that little cat will serve some useful purpose...
He strode - swaggered - out toward the parking lot.
Stupid. Should have set a place. I'm going to be late meeting up with her...if I can find her at all...
He grinned and almost laughed. As if that would be a great loss. In fact...he briefly considered standing her up...but no. He needed the release.
She was not there.
Oh well. Perhaps at the main entrance...He ground his fangs in sexual frustration and turned to make his silent way back the way he had come. Several hallways connected in the main lobby. He just turned a corner that led back into the locker room when something crashed into him at considerable speed. Pain lanced through his midsection as something hard hit solidly into his half-roused wolfhood.
"Jesus F. Christ...!" Jennan cried in pain, and stumbled. He almost went down, but years of sports practice saved him from an undignified tumble to the cold floor.
The little fox had a bit more trouble though. To save himself, he clutched the only solid object in reach: Jennan himself.
"Hey, little guy...whoa there!" Instinctively, Jennan's arms reached out to steady the fox. His legs seemed made of jelly and he literally had to keep him upright.
"Are you alright?" he asked solicitously, not daring to move. His genitals ached abominably and he wasn't sure his legs were up to walking with that pain lingering...
Anxious amber eyes peered up at him, and upon recognising him, the russet red ears wilted.
"You must be looking for someone real bad to come running in here foxa...Who you looking for, eh?"
Subconsciously, he slipped into the popular speech patterns of the athletics team, and mentally cursed himself.
"You..." Amber eyes widened even more in what Jennan presumed were shock. His own mind briefly stopped working. You...?
He blinked in confusion.
"Me?"
The fox seemed to recover a little. A determined look crossed his face, so fleetingly that Jennan was barely sure it had been there before it was replaced by something else...a smile compounded of so many emotions they were impossible to decipher.
"Yes...you..." the little fox whispered, and the smile seeped into his eyes.
Jennan stared into those amber eyes. There was something terrible going on inside them. He could smell the fear on the fox. There was something else too...lust...need. Hatred and want burned in those eyes...half-crazed. For a moment, Jennan wanted to fling the fox away from him in revulsion, but he stayed his hand. Something passed between them as they stood there, their eyes locked on each other...something so profound that Jennan had no means to figure it out. It was just instinct...pure instinct. That...and need answering need.
The fox clung to him, and guided by instinct, Jennan let his huge, powerful paws wander caressingly from the fox's back up to his shoulders. The little fox pressed closer to him and growled softly. Jennan knew that growl. Many a female had uttered just such a sound while in his arms: filled with need and desire. He couldn't help it. His brain told him this was wrong, that he was not supposed to respond this way to another male. His breath quickened, and his wolfhood slipped free of his furry white sheath, straining against the tight confines of his jeans.
Jennan closed his eyes. So it's to be the fox instead of the cat. Either way...best not to let the opportunity slip away...
Darian pressed closer still. Something had gone terribly wrong. He hadn't expected to run into Jennan. He'd been looking for Flow. And his answer...he couldn't believe he'd said what he did.
Looking for you...
It was true though. Deep within, he knew that it truly had been Jennan he wanted to find. He wanted to humble that big wolf, vent his rage, his pain and hurt...Instead, he found himself offering himself to the big wolf. His mind couldn't process this, but there was something...like calling to like. Something inside him whispered this is meant to be. Darian didn't fight it too hard.
His body ached for Jennan, to feel those hard paws gripping him tightly...Dark needs rose within him and he ruthlessly suppressed them. His paws wandered down to stroke the hardness between Jennan's legs. The wolf was big...
His own member had long since decided it was time to play, and though no match for the wolf in terms of size, it was still respectable at 8", and very nearly as thick as the wolf's own 2.5" girth.
Darian fiddled with the button that kept the jeans closed, and noted that Jennan wore no belt. He wondered if he wore briefs or boxers.
Powerful paws gripped his shoulders, pressing him downward. Darian obeyed and sank to his knees before the muscular wolf. Finally, he had the button undone, and he started to work on the zipper. Used to undressing a male, he did it carefully, but quickly without catching the delicate flesh in the teeth of the zipper. It sprang free suddenly, offering itself instantly to his expert attention. Darian grinned. Like a true whore, Jennan wore nothing underneath. One button and the zipper, and he was ready for action.
Size didn't scare Darian. He leaned forward and licked the extended, quivering wolfhood. Thick veins throbbed along the entire length. The dark red length of it filled his vision. He stopped licking and gently nibbled at the shaft from the side. It had been recently washed and carefully cleaned, Darian noted with approval. It smelled clean, but the scent of it was nevertheless overwhelming. He'd never encountered a guy that smelled so powerfully...male! There was not a single detectable hint of oestrogen. Jennan was pure testosterone, pure stud.
Darian moaned softly. Above him, Jennan growled softly. His paws still gripped Darian's shoulders, tightly but with peculiar gentleness. He didn't thrust forward, or forced the fox to take his shaft. Instead of painfully pinching his shoulders, the powerful paws kneaded gently, almost soothingly. A gentle massage rather than force...It was so unusual in the fox's experience that he almost forgot what he was doing until a new scent joined the bewitching series of pheromonal aromas Jennan produced: the slightly musty, cheesy scent of pre, just as powerful as the rest of his scent.
Darian wasted no more time. He slid Jennan's black jeans all the way down. The sight of him caused Darian's desire for him to peak. He was so muscular! Every muscle in Jennan's legs were perfectly defined, like a marble sculptor that had used his lover as a model. He was that flawless, that lovingly made by whatever god was responsible for his looks. Unable to stop himself, Darian reached around Jennan, his paws coming to rest on his buttocks.
Jennan growled again and clenched his muscles. They tightened under Darian's paws, and unable to resist any longer, his muzzle slipped along the huge shaft to the tip. He licked up the drops of pre he found there and marvelled at the powerful taste: slightly bitter, slightly salty, but fully male. He closed his muzzle around the tip and gave it an experimental little suck. His muzzle slid easily along the length. He'd taken larger than this...but none had fitted this perfectly. Soon, his nose was buried in the soft fur at the base of Jennan's sheath.
The paws that just moments before had kneaded him so gently now stroked his neck and fondled his ears.
Darian murred in pleasure. So few lovers ever took the trouble to make pleasuring them feel good. Why did Jennan have to be different...?
He got into a rhythm of sucking and licking. His tongue softly and warmly cupped the huge shaft while his lips, teeth and throat rubbed the sensitive skin. Tiny little spurts of pre dripped down his throat, filling his muzzle with the taste of him...he tasted delicious, better than anything he's ever had. Soft growls and murrs...and the never-ending pleasure of those powerful paws caressing him told him he was doing a good job, and this pleased Darian. He wanted to please this wolf...
His own lust increased with each drip of precum. Jennan's scent intoxicated him and his own member ached for release as badly as his tailhole ached to be stretched...gods, he wanted Jennan so badly!
Before he had time to finish the thought, he got what he wanted.
His legs was starting to buckle.
The fox's teasing and playing drove Jennan wild. That he was an expert at it didn't matter in the least. The level of lust and want that the little guy produced called for something a lot more than just a blowjob.
Jennan knew what gay sex was about. In theory. Cock goes into tailhole. That was the extent of his knowledge. Theory was about to be put into practice. He just couldn't stand any more. Never in his life had a simple blowjob felt so good. Never had a partner turned him on so much.
He looked around and spotted the dressing bench in the middle of the locker room. It would serve. Gently, he dragged the fox off his throbbing, leaking wolfhood and pulled him along as he staggered toward the bench. The fox yipped in surprise, but didn't resist.
"Take off those pants." Jennan commanded firmly.
The fox's ears dipped, but he did as he was told. For some reason, Jennan felt the need to be completely naked. He wanted to feel the fox's fur, not just between his legs, but everywhere. His black Metallica shirt went flying and the fox slipped his own baggy jeans off his slender hips, Jennan busied himself with taking off his shirt. Once the fox was naked, Jennan sat down and slipped his arms around him. He hadn't seen anything of the fox's front..but his rump was...was...he couldn't find a word other than sexy. It was nicely shaped, well-muscled but not rounded like a woman's. The thought that another male was sexy disturbed Jennan briefly, but he quickly forgot that when the fox led himself be drawn close.
Normally, Jennan would have simply had his way with someone that offered themselves so willingly, but for some reason, his instinct this time was to be as gentle as possible, and so his let his paws rub the fox's belly tenderly as he positioned him. The fox indicated his complete cooperation by lifting his tail out of the way. Jennan could clearly see the target his wolfhood had to enter: the starred tailhole looked like it had seen some hard use. It was reddened and stretched, but scrupulously clean.
His wolfhood, liberally lubricated with saliva and pre, found the target easily, and with a little bit of help from his paw, the tip was soon pressed tightly against the entry.
A soft sigh escaped the fox as he pressed back against Jennan, letting the huge member slide slowly into him. As he pressed back, Jennan shifted his arms to help support the fox's weight and to keep him from losing his balance and impaling himself. The fox murred his appreciation of this consideration, and Jennan smiled. He took firm hold of the fox's hips and shifted his body further up the bench so his lower body had full support, then angled his body slightly back so the fox was free to lean against him, and his hips had room to thrust. The fox moaned, and with a little bit of help, lowered himself fully onto Jennan.
"Mmm..." Jennan moaned as the fox's insides gripped his member tighter than it had ever been gripped before. His pre and the fox's saliva provided just enough lubrication so he could move easily inside, but not so much that sensation was lost. He thrust his hips up experimentally and was rewarded with a sudden wave of intense pleasure and a startled yip from the fox that turned into a low moan.
"Ohhhhh..."
Jennan smiled and repeated the manoeuvre. The fox moaned again and leaned back into him, his head coming to rest against Jennan's shoulder. For the first time, Jennan was confronted with the sight of a naked, aroused male. The fox had his legs spread wide, his thighs resting on Jennan's, but his knees were locked over the outside of Jennan's own, keeping his legs spread. Between those legs, his red, sharp-tipped member bulged above a sheath that bulged with his forming knot. Twin furry orbs, as large as golf-balls, dangled beneath. Jennan couldn't help it. His paws slid down from the fox's hips to his belly, and kneaded the soft fur there as he thrust slowly in and out of the little fox.
The fox panted and moaned. It was all Jennan himself could do to keep himself from growling and crying out in pleasure. The fox was so warm and tight...and so willing...so...beautiful. That willingness and beauty aroused him more than he's ever been before, and soon, he was sweating as his wolfhood leaked more and more pre into the fox. His climax would be coming soon...oh, much sooner than he wanted.
"Jennan...please..."
The fox's panting took Jennan's focus away from his own pleasure. The fox's member was leaking pre and throbbed as it bounced up and down under his relentless thrusts. Instinctively knowing what the fox wanted, he gripped the dripping member in his paw and squeezed.
The fox cried out. His hips started to thrust on pure instinct, wanting desperately for his member to experience the pleasure it craved. Thrown off-balance by this, Jennan adjusted his pace to the fox's thrusting. He held his paw stationary, letting the fox pump himself into his paw. With each upward thrust from the fox, Jennan withdrew. Synched in this way, the two of them moaned and yelped in ecstasy.
The fox came first. Jet after jet of sticky white cum burst from his body, painting his chest and belly white. He continued to thrust, unwilling to let the sensation abate.
Jennan too thrust harder as his own orgasm loomed. His knot was forming at the base and the fox's hole threatened to engulf it. Jennan had no wish to be tied with him, but instinct overrode reason and with a last, mighty thrust, he rammed himself deep into the fox. He bit back a howl and whimpered in pleasure as his wolfhood exploded, emptying his swollen orbs in floods of cum.
They panted heavily, spent. Sweat dripped from their fur and they shivered, their nerves tingling, minds blank in delicious afterglow. Jennan recovered first and leaned forward as he slipped his arms around the fox, drew him close. He might as well...neither of them were going anywhere for a while...
Darian couldn't believe it.
The whole experience was too surreal. Jennan...the brute of a wolf that had nearly beaten him into a pulp...
He murred. Oh...those paws...so powerful, yet so soft...
All thought vanished in the light of powerful arms locking around him, holding him close. It made no sense...that he should feel so safe and protected here...with Jennan. He wanted more...his starved soul demanded more as instinct overrode him and he nuzzled Jennan's neck, a silent plea for more such tenderness.
Tenderness from Jennan...but the big wolf responded to his plea. Darian found himself the startled recipient of a soft, warm kiss on the side of his nuzzling muzzle. Tied to Jennan, and held so close in his arms, Darian's body relaxed even as his mind screamed at him that this was all wrong.
"Did I hurt you?"
It wasn't the words that startled Darian. It was the tone. No one had ever spoken to him like that before: softly, with so much caring. The tone matched the gentleness of the paws, and the warmth of the arms...
Something inside him relaxed...or went away. The hard wall of defensiveness cracked. He really was safe here. Jennan was not going to tear loose of him and leave him bleeding on the floor. He wasn't going to beat up on him now that he'd gotten what he wanted. There was no mistaking the tone of genuine care whether he was hurt or not. That tone deserved nothing but the truth.
"No...you didn't hurt me...but tomorrow, I think I will be very, very sore." He smiled, surprised at the note of warm humour in his voice, and nuzzled Jennan.
The big wolf chuckled and hugged him tightly. There were no comments about him now being taken by a real man, or questions/statements about his performance. Jennan simply held him, and suddenly Darian never wanted him to let go. He'd never felt this good with anyone...and there was that mysterious "thing" between them that he'd felt before...the something that had broken all resistance and had made him throw himself at Jennan. It was definitely there...a connection that he'd never felt with anyone else.
It felt comfortable...and right.
But it was all wrong. Darian shifted uncomfortably and hunted for something to say.
"Your girlfriend is not going to like this at all, you know," he joked, and was rewarded with another soft chuckle.
"Ha! What girlfriend? I haven't had one of those in months."
This startled Darian more than a little. He would have turned in Jennan's lap to face him if it wasn't so wonderful to have his belly and nether regions caressed so softly...Jennan's paws were still very busy exploring and Darian wasn't about to object. There was pleasure in more than just orgasm...
"What? No girlfriend? But I thought..." he bit his lip to stop himself from blurting out anything more. The sad look in Jennan's eyes was all the warning he needed.
"You thought what, foxa? That the steady stream of girls though my bed was an indication that I was looking for fidelity?"
Darian's eyes widened. In place of the gentle tone, there was something harder, more brittle...and infinitely more bitter. He stared helplessly at Jennan, at a loss for words.
It couldn't be...could it? There was no way..no possible way he could have misjudged him so badly...Jennan had never given any indication that he was looking for anything other than a quick screw. But now...his eyes told a far different story.
He...just can't...can't be like me...can he?
He had to know...and to earn the right to know, he had to risk something...
"But you were looking...and none of them fitted..." he whispered. It was a statement, not a question and Jennan nodded.
"Yes. All those girls...and none of them felt...right."
There was something more. Darian could tell that there was something that Jennan was not telling him. He could see it in those dark, shadowed eyes.
Something in Darian echoed that look.
None of them felt right...the way you feel right...
Darian crossed his arms over Jennan's and squeezed. Surprisingly, the big wolf responded by gently licking his muzzle and tightening his arms around him.
"Well...then your friends won't like it." Darian giggled. He wriggled a bit to feel Jennan's knot move inside of him, stretching him to just the perfect degree not to hurt but just feel deliciously 'full'.
Jennan smiled.
"Yeah. They won't like it if they knew." Suddenly he grinned, a bit sadly, Darian thought, but it was a grin. It made his cold, grim face look so much softer, warmer...
"No one would believe it. Especially after..." his voice trailed off.
"Especially after...?" Darian prompted when the silence stretched out. He kept his tone even, wondering if this was the moment when Jennan would recognise him...or reveal that he had known all along...
The big wolf sighed and buried his face in Darian's fur. The silence stretched out again until at last, Jennan whispered.
"No doubt you know foxa. Someone would have told you...warned you."
Darian stirred uncomfortably. No one had needed to...but Jennan didn't know that. That much was obvious. He was this close now, to confronting his assailant...he might as well see it through. Finally, he nodded.
"Yes...I have heard some...stories. So...Jennan...what did happen? You...beat up a fag?"
There was no helping it. A hint of coldness entered his voice, and Jennan reacted to it as though he'd been slapped. The big, handsome head sagged further, and his warm arms loosened their grip on him.
"Yes...Yes I did. And I didn't do a half-assed job of it either. He...I hurt him really badly, foxa." He sighed, his voice turning cold, clinical as he described what he did.
"We...it was after football practice. It was just at the end of my first week since we moved here...They were the first friends I made. There was news that some guy had come out. We were walking down the street. Clancy saw him...He decided to go talk to him. I suppose he meant toy with him...but I guess that kind of thing happened all the time. We taunted him for a bit, Clancy started pushing him around. I don't know who threw the first punch...but that foxie...he was no pushover. He fought back."
Jennan smiled bitterly.
"What did I know back then? They were calling on me to fight. It...it went way too far. I don't know exactly what happened. I just remember entering the fray...I remember...my fist hit him right here..."
Gently, he touched Darian just below his left eye. It took all Darian's strength not to flinch away.
"I felt the bone crush. His eye bulged out and the skin split. There was so much blood...I'd already thrown the second punch. There was no time to stop it. It connected...on his head. I didn't feel anything break, but...given how his cheekbone crumpled..."
He fell silent. Darian could feel the big wolf shivering under him at the memory...and it wasn't from pleasure.
"We...left him lying there. I...didn't see him again. A few days later, there was a story in the newspaper. I...perhaps he couldn't remember, but he didn't say who had done it. I...I always meant to go see him...but truth is...I couldn't...face him. Not after what I did. I never knew his name...and after that, I never saw him. I...never got the chance to say I'm sorry. I..."
He looked down. Darian could hear his catch his breath.
"I wish I could, foxa. I wish to all the gods I hadn't done it. I...I never hated him, or others like him. I just don't know how it got so out of hand. I can't...change what happened. But I would have at least wanted to face him..."
Darian shivered as he followed every description, reliving it as Jennan described it, exactly like he remembered it, from the taunts and pushing to the moment he collapsed to the ground, his face pulped, ribs broken and muzzle shattered. The cruelty of the act...it had forever changed him, erased from him the belief in furry decency. Only now...he knew he'd been wrong. Just as wrong as he had been about Jennan. There was no malice in him. He wasn't the beast that he's always believed him to be. Not even close.
"Jen..."
The big wolf raised his head, his eyes hopeless...lost.
"...if...I'm sure that...if he heard you speak like this...he would forgive you."
To Darian's surprise, he found that it was true. The coldness inside, the parts that didn't trust anymore, that hurt constantly, had relaxed. He cast his mind back at the memory that never failed to break him, woke him from a sound sleep screaming...and found its power broken. He glanced back over his shoulder at Jennan.
There was disbelief there, incredulity, but very little hope. The genuine depth of Jennan's remorse swept away the last of Darian's doubts, and he tightened his arms once more around Jennan's. A trembling paw rose to brush his cheek gently, and on impulse, Darian kissed it. As he did, he mouthed the words 'I forgive you' softly, then nuzzled the paw that still caressed his face.
For the first time since that terrible day, Darian took pleasure in that.
They didn't stay long after that. Without either of them noticing, Jennan's knot had deflated and his wolfhood withdrew from Darian. There was no reason for them to remain together when they both had such different lives and different needs. It was obvious to Darian that, even though he and Jennan shared some deep connection...that wasn't going to be enough to keep him. The little voice in his heart kept repeating that single stray realisation over and over though:
None of them felt right...the way you feel right...
It was just his luck. He'd run into the last person he wanted to see, ended up having the best sex he'd ever had with him, faced his greatest fear and ended up having his soul patched...all with the most unavailable person in town. Why did it have to be Jennan?
And why did Jennan have to have such a beautiful soul?
Darian's path took him to Barney's. He didn't realise until Flow's braying laugh cut through his mind like a scythe.
"Hay, Dar! C'mon, join us! Whatcha doin' 'ere?
He cursed under his breath.
"Hay, yew saw that hunk offa wuff about? Ah wan' 'is ass!"
Darian muttered under his breath.
"I saw him a minute ago, Flow. He was heading up to his room."
Her face fell.
"'Is room? What the fuck? He never goes to his room!"
Darian shrugged.
"He is this time. And I'd stay out of his way if I were you. He had that...satisfied look on his face, of a male that was milked dry. You know the look."
This time her face sagged.
"Oh...that barstard!"
Darian shrugged and took his place at the bar. He ordered a double scotch on the rocks.
Flow didn't wait around, and she and her pack of friends left soon after.
Darian remained, staring into his drink. So preoccupied was he that he didn't notice the arrival of Dorothy, his best friend. The first he noticed of her was when she placed a soft badger paw on his shoulder.
"May I?"
Darian motioned his assent and she took the barstool next to his. As was her custom, Dot didn't say anything at first. Slow to speak, but staunch in presence, Dot was one of Darian's rocks. Hers was a slow intelligence that soaked up information like a sponge, ruminated on it at length, and invariably arrived at answers that was not only far more complete than most others did, but that also integrated other knowledge into it. She called herself a thorough thinker, and Darian tended to agree with that. Many people thought Dot was dull...but that was far from the case.
"I've never seen you drinking alone, Fozzie." She said finally after several minutes.
That was Dot for you. She'd observe for an hour before she allowed herself to admit that the sun was shining.
Darian snorted. "Yeah."
Dot smiled. "So what's up?"
Again, Darian snorted, this time in laughter.
"What, you can't tell?"
"Well...my guess would be a male. But since you've never displayed this behaviour before..." She stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned at her.
"So who is the guy that can send you drinking alone? And none of your nonsense, Fozzie. The truth."
Darian bit his lip. Once Dot was sure that she was on to something, she was like a terrier: she just wouldn't let go...and like a good badger, she'd keep digging until she got to what she wanted. He sighed. It was useless to evade her. She always got to the truth, even if it took her a week. She remained the only person he'd never managed to successfully hide anything from.
"I...found him, Dot."
"Him...?" she blinked, and Darian could almost see the little gears of her mind spinning as it hunted through her brain, searching for all relevant information on the subject. Even now, whole new mental linkages were being made as her mind ran not only through the obvious conclusion, but also every possible meaning and outcome.
Her eyes widened.
"Him...him? As in..."
Darian nodded.
"Yes. Him."
She stared at him for a moment. Him. The one who could touch his heart. The one who could make his eyes shine brightly. She studied her foxy friend. His paws clenched and unclenched convulsively on the glass as if he was opening and closing his fists. His breathing was fast as if he was on the edge of pure panic...but his eyes shone. Never in her life have she seen sadness and joy so evenly mixed. Hope and fear. Her mind jumped to a conclusion.
"He's straight."
Darian winced, and knocked back the last of his Scotch.
"Congratulations. That's a nice and reasonable conclusion. It's not entirely true...but it might as well be. A- for you."
The hurt sarcasm in his voice shocked her. Darian was never like this. Her eyes narrowed. And it wasn't like him at all to be fearful, or overly excited. She could see it in the set of his young shoulders, the way his lips kept creeping into a smile, only to be replaced by something black. There was desire, and satisfaction, a whole complex fuck-up of emotion all playing across his face at once. Absolute confusion. Absolute certainty. Hope. And fear.
A dark conclusion threatened to spring to mind...
There was only one person Darian feared: Jennan.
Jennan was straight.
Jennan was strong. And beautiful. And he'd smashed the little fox's body and spirit.
She gasped and turned white under her fur.
"Oh my god..."
She glanced at Darian. His eyes were clear, soft...sad. Hurt. But no longer lost.
"Jennan...It's...Jennan...My god, fozzie...He smashed your face, and never once even apologised! He swaggers around like a walking cock and fucks everything that moves..."
Her eyes widened as she gut-jumped to another conclusion.
"Oh gods! He had the look of a male that was milked dry..."
She stared at him in horror...as if he'd lost his mind.
Darian wasn't entirely sure he hadn't.
"He...he..."
"He didn't rape me, Dot. It was...mutual." He sighed and buried his face in his paws, unsuccessfully hiding the hurt from her.
"Oh fozzie..."
"I don't know...I didn't...I didn't see it coming. I...I wanted to humiliate him...humble him. I went looking for Flow. I wanted to stop her. Jennan...he was there. I wanted to hurt him...so badly. But...I...couldn't. Instead...
"You gave yourself to him..."Dot whispered, her voice choked.
Darian nodded.
"Yes. And he didn't break me. He...touched me...like I was a real person. He touched my body and in the process...touched my soul. He...gave me everything I've ever wanted without me asking. I didn't want this, Dot...I didn't want him...Oh gods, why did it have to be him?"
Shocked, Dot just shook her head.
Jennan. Her mind whirled with imagery of what Darian had told her. Everyone knew the rumour that Jennan had beaten up some gay kid, but since no charges had ever been laid against him, it remained just a rumour. Not that anyone disbelieved it. The crowd Jennan had hung out with at high school was known for viciousness.
No one here at college knew that Darian had been the victim, but the rumour about Jennan remained, even though he'd never since then repeated the performance.
She couldn't see the big jock touching anyone's heart, much less their soul.
And yet...she could see it Darian's eyes. Something profound had happened between them. Gut-jump to conclusion...
"He doesn't know, does he? He didn't recognise you." She motioned for the bartender to refill her friend's shot glass.
Darian accepted gratefully and knocked it back. He shuddered.
"No...and you're not going to tell him either."
"Darian..."
"No! You are not. Going to tell him. Okay? Dot...I need to know..."
"...need to know whether whatever happened between you was real, or whether it was guilt on his part..."
"...or sick insanity on mine."
He looked at her, looking lost again, and her heart went out to him.
Oh gods, fozzie...oh gods have mercy on him!
Jennan wandered the streets, bar hopping alone. He hadn't done that in years, but tonight he felt the need for solitude. Oblivious to the noise of cars, music and other furs around him, he wandered randomly through the city, lost in thought.
None of them felt right...
He could still feel the fox shivering as his paws caressed the russet and white fur. It had felt wonderful, not just in an arousing way, but also in his heart. He'd enjoyed pleasuring the little fox as much as he'd enjoyed his own pleasure. Holding the fox afterwards and talking to him had also been unexpectedly good, like a huge weight had been lifted from him.
He could still feel that peculiar lightness inside, and knew what it was. It was joy.
If he heard you talking like this, he would forgive you...
For all these years, he'd beaten himself up over what he'd done. He'd tried to become indifferent to it, tried to pretend that the fox had deserved it. He'd tried to atone. He'd done everything he could think of to get rid of his guilt. Finally he'd realised that all he could do was accept what he'd done, and never do it again. By then, he was stuck with the life he'd chosen...the only life he thought he had available after what happened. Stuck with his pack of homophobe friends because no one else wanted him. Stuck playing sports because no one else believed he was worth a damn at academics in spite of having good grades in everything.
Homophobe jock. That was what he was.
Except he wasn't.
Straight.
Except he wasn't. Was he?
It had been so good being with the little fox. He couldn't deny the connection he felt. The fox's responses had been so genuine...as his own had been, and that too was a first for Jennan. He'd beaten up one young fox for being gay...and now, he'd fucked another.
No.
That wasn't right. They hadn't fucked. There'd been much more to it than that. They'd responded to each other, given and taken pleasure with one another selflessly instead of selfishly.
They'd made love.
They'd parted reluctantly, but neither had dared suggest they see each other again. Jennan wanted to, but...it just wasn't possible. They didn't move in the same circles. Jock and fairy. They had nothing in common.
Except they did.
...the way you feel right.
A paw seized his shoulder from behind and spun him around forcefully. Before he knew what was going on, he found himself pinned to a brick wall, a knife to his throat. It took Jennan only a split second to assess his situation...and his attacker. The one that held him in place was a muscular young jaguar female. Her body was packed with dense muscle and her spotted coat shone magnificently. Her deep brown eyes laughed at him as she took the knife away and released him. She punched him on the shoulder. Even though she was a full foot shorter than him, she still gave the impression that she was taller than him.
"Pay attention, Jens. I've been tailing you for the last half hour and you didn't even notice!"
She grinned as she sheathed the blade in her belt. She wore black a black gilet, black tights and black running shoes, all fitting tightly to her stocky body.
Jennan's face took on an aggrieved expression.
"Ow." He rubbed the spot she'd punched and stuck his tongue out at her. "That hurt, you know."
She shook her head and snorted.
"Puh-leeze, don't make me laugh, or I'll make you scream. You big baby. You used to love this shit."
He grinned. Iara was from Yucatán, Mexico. Although she spoke perfect English, her accent was distinctly Yucatán. The language of the Maya heavily influenced the Spanish spoken in the region, as was clear in the way she spoke. They'd had a thing for each other once...a long time ago.
"It was another life, Iara. I'm not into that anymore."
"Mmm...and you're not into girls anymore either, judging by your scent. C'mon Jens. If you don't want people to know, shower after you're done. I can smell him on you."
Iara always had been quick. Jennan winced and Iara laughed.
"And quite nice he smells too. He really enjoyed himself...and so did you."
He winced when she sighed sadly. It was hard to miss the flash of hurt. Back in the day, the two of them had been very, very close. Jennan had once thought that she was the one. He'd begged her to marry him, but she'd refused before abandoning him. Now, she was back. She'd expected him to still be available, maybe...
"Sorry, Iara."
"Nah...no need to be. It's my own fault. I should have bonded with you when I had the chance. It's not like you hadn't wanted to. My loss. His gain. If..."
Jennan shook his head and lay a thick, furry finger on the tip of her muzzle.
"Yara...don't. It's done. It's over. A long time over. Don't...don't do this again. We're not who we were. It's no one's fault. It just wasn't meant to be."
For a moment, the jaguar's eyes flashed denial before she bowed her head.
"You haven't called me Yara in ages..."
He smiled - a bit sadly, she though.
"No. I haven't. It...just hurt too much. But it doesn't hurt anymore. We...may not be lovers anymore, nor will we be again...but that doesn't mean we don't know each other. Doesn't mean we can't still be close. Friends."
Again, she nodded. It was the best she could have hoped for, she knew. He was right. And...he'd changed.
What could have happened to him to make him so...steady? So certain of his course, of what he wanted. She herself had only realised after she left him that he'd always been the steady rock in her life, the lighthouse that would guide her home. Without him...she was lost. They'd grown up together, and had shared each other's lives for so long; and now it seemed that she had lost him.
She looked in his eyes. They were warmer...softer. Calmer.
He'd grown up, and left her behind.
For the first time, she understood just how deeply she'd hurt him.
It cost her. She did it anyway.
"Friends."
She shook his paw, and walked away.
~To be continued~
If you are confused - good! It means you can't see the coming plot twist. ;-)