The Attention of Those Above
A little story commissioned some long while ago by Engy, this story shows how one can help others through a panic attack, or through some depression. Sometimes, you just gotta be there. Other times, yes, it needs more, but sometimes, really, being there does something amazing.
Commissioned by Engy
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The Attention of Those Above For Engy By Draconicon
The yellow-scaled, metal-armed dragon was in the middle of a panic attack, and it wasn't going particularly well for him.
Engy sat in the middle of his penthouse, his arms pulled tight to his sides, his head lowered down so that he wasn't looking at the screen in front of him, his eyes half-closed and his ears both hoping for and dreading the ping of a messaging program on his laptop. He wanted help, but he didn't want to be a burden. He wanted to be reached out to, but he didn't want people to think that there was something wrong.
The shivers got worse as he rocked in his seat, not quite a full-on swaying back and forth, but a definite slight rocking. He clenched his teeth, digging his fingers into his legs to try and get a grip on reality.
It didn't work quite as well as he'd like, but it was something.
Need help...but...will they?
Engy looked over his shoulder at the door out of the penthouse. The master and mistress were in, he knew that much. They were probably snuggling back in the common area, or maybe up in their own penthouse, loving on one another the way that they did. They were good to him, though, so maybe -
No, no, it'd be a bother to interrupt them. Be a burden. It wasn't the right thing to do. He could tough it out.
A few more minutes passed, and he hadn't moved, hadn't done a thing since he'd thought about toughing it out. He looked down at the workbench besides the laptop, looked at the project that had come to a complete halt. The different pieces were arranged so that it would be easy to put them together, but even as he looked at it, he doubted himself.
Did I mean to put it together like that? I must be remembering wrong. Stupid. Stupid. Not worth it. Not worth it. Not good enough to have it.
He groaned, bringing his hands from his legs to his head, cupping his forehead against his palms. His jaw hurt from how tightly his teeth were clenched, but it was the only way to keep from biting at the inside of his mouth. Just not let them open.
Stupid. You shouldn't have come. He's just gonna have to fix you again. Soon as he sees you, he's going to think that he needs to stop what he's doing and put you back together again. And she'll look at you, resent you for taking him away from her again. No, no, just...just...
He was working himself up worse and worse. He knew he was. He was well aware of his own process. But that didn't help him with dealing with it.
Engy whimpered, feeling the metal fingers of his right arm digging into his face. Grabbing it by the wrist and pulling it away before he could injure himself, the dragon kicked away from the wall, sliding along in his chair.
About to grab something and run for the nearest window, he was halted by a soft beep from the intercom just one room away.
"Engy."
It was the master's voice. Draconicon. The yellow dragon paused, his head drooping, eyes looking straight at the ground.
"Could you come upstairs, please?"
"...Yes, sir."
"Thank you."
A camera, maybe, or perhaps the dragon just knew. There were days when he swore that the master just knew what was going on in his skyscraper at all times, that he was just...aware of his slaves. It was honestly creepy sometimes.
And other times...
Well, the decision was taken out of his hands. He could do as he was told, at least. It was better to trust someone else's judgment than his own when he was feeling like this.
#
He stepped into the bedroom of the master and mistress. Though he had stepped through a number of different rooms on the way, he couldn't remember them. Something about the security of the top penthouse, he knew, but the specifics had always evaded him.
The master, on the other hand, just quietly looked at him. The black dragon and the white vixen were both dressed in gray robes, the pair of them seated on the edge of the bed. She leaned over her mate's lap, her head resting on his thighs, and they both looked at him. Engy couldn't meet their eyes and looked down.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"You were freaking out, weren't you?" the black dragon asked.
The yellow dragon nodded.
"You know that you don't have to stay down there when you feel like that, right?"
"I can't help it...I don't -"
"Hey."
One of the mistress's tails reached out, tapping his lips gently, keeping him from saying what he was about to say.
He looked up, despite his own discomfort, despite thinking that it was a bad idea. Everything seemed like a bad idea, anyway. She was looking at him in the eye, shaking her head and shushing him gently, using her other tails to gesture him closer.
Feeling like being told what to do was better than trying to figure out a reason to defy the command, Engy followed orders. He stepped forward, continuing to shuffle along the carpeted floor until the master pulled him close, the mistress situating him between the two of them. Fur and scales pressed against him from either side, and he let himself be leaned back against the master's chest.
"Just get comfortable, Engy," the black dragon muttered.
"Sorry. I didn't...I don't mean to get like this."
"I know. Nobody ever means to. It hurts too much to want to be like that."
"That's why it's alright to be here," the vixen said. "We want you to be happy, just like us. We invited you to the harem for a reason, you know?"
"It wasn't because I'm sexy," he muttered.
"Oh, it was that. But there were other reasons, too."
The master's arms around his waist kept him from shuffling away, but it was more difficult to resist the urge than he liked. Being complimented felt wrong. Felt...bad, at that point.
The mistress slid into his lap, wrapping her arms around him, pressing her warmth against him in a full-bodied snuggle. She pulled her tails into the action, too, her arms around his chest and her tails around his middle. With the master's arms over his shoulder, with furred breasts and hard, scaly chest sandwiching him, escape was impossible.
And then, they started talking.
"You're smart," the dragon whispered.
"You're kind," the vixen said.
"You're respectful."
"You're loving."
"You're sexy."
"You're silly."
"You're funny."
"You smell good."
"You - Hey, I thought that I had the best smell?" the master said.
Engy chuckled despite himself, lowering his head against the vixen's shoulder. She pressed herself back to him, and he nuzzled in, just savoring the warmth.
They kept talking, the words coming down and slowly getting pulled into his head. It was like water on a cracked sidewalk, dribbling around until it finally found the right opening to feed the earth beneath.
They loved him. Cared for him.
And it made him feel like, if they thought he was worth it, then it didn't really matter what the worst part of his brain thought.
It didn't stop the panic attack, but it kept it from getting worse. Slowly, with their embrace to help calm him down, he stopped panting, stopped screaming in his own head, stopped thinking that he didn't deserve the touches and the compliments and everything else.
When he finally relaxed, the dragon and vixen leaned back a bit, both of them looking down at him. He blushed.
"That obvious a difference?"
"Pretty darn, yes," the master said.
"Sorry. I probably interrupted some snuggle time of your own, didn't I?"
"Humping time, actually," the vixen said. "You want to join in?"
"...Not right now," he said, looking down. "I mean...I could, but...I don't want to take up all your time. I can handle myself at the moment."
"You can...but do you want to?" the master asked.
It was exactly the sort of question that the yellow dragon hated being asked of him. The answer was obvious: no. He didn't want to go back to his room and slowly pull himself together. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to be so stupid and walk away from the people that cared for him.
But he didn't want to lean on them all the time, either. He didn't want them to have to keep picking up the pieces and cleaning up his messes. He wanted to be strong enough to not need this, and that started with being strong enough to put himself back together.
As he looked up at the master's eyes, though, as he met that empty white stare, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't say that.
Engy sighed.
"Next time...I'll walk out."
"But for now, you're staying here. Lay with us," the dragon said, and Engy once more did what he was told.
The End