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I am a happy Lion now. I have my own Polar Bears to love me. Having grown up with my older Polar Bear brother to show me how wonderful they can be. My Rory broke me in. A bit of teenage playing around, a kind of show me yours and I'll show you mine, turned serious on us when our teenage passions caught fire. And before we were able to calm ourselves down from our heightened passions. I had freely given Rory my virginity. (Freely given Hell, I begged him to take it. Not like I had to twist his arm as it was.) He was an amazing lover, still is, we fuck two or three times a week even now. He set my taste for big males, especially Bears. I like all kinds of big guys, but I end up with a Bear fucking me, more often than not. I would have tried to bond my Rory, but he's my blood kin. And we knew we couldn't. But I know he'd of taken me if we could have. He told me so. And I believe him.

Who am I? I'm Dr Claude Marcus Kitman II. Named after my paternal Grandfather. My Dad is J.T. Kitman, CEO and owner of CMK Industries. We're a rich family. Rory and I have over $500 Million apiece. We're fairly well known, though Dad has tried to keep us out of the spotlight, given how famous he is, it hasn't been too successful. We're kind of used to it by now. Though we both hate it. Rory gets a bit more of it, as he's Dad's Polar Bear son. A lot has been written in the press of it. Dad had paternity tests done on both me and Rory. And he proudly made them public when Fortune magazine wrote a speculative sidebar article about Rory's probably parentage, in a profile of Dad.. Rory's Dad's son alright. Dad had me tested and I'm his too. Just to settle Rory's parentage in the media once and for all.

I'm 24 now. Rory's 26. He's a throwback. He looks just like our Mother's Polar Bear father. Dr Walter C. Russell. A PhD Physicist who's also well known. Grandpa's a Nobel Prize Winner and the classic absent minded professor. He'd be lost without his Bengal Tiger lover. Al Washburn has been with him since Grandma died. Al was a janitor at the University of Alabama where Grandpa taught and did research. He moved out here to Sacramento State after Rory and I moved up here to go to Medical School. We see him a couple of times a month. Though I'm on the phone with Grandpa Al a lot more than that. I do love them a lot.

Rory is a Cardiologist now. And I'm an Internist. I practice with my Medical School mentor and my best friend. Dr Emil Brunner was our mentor in Med school. He's a big Walrus. He's a bit shy and introspective in public. But warm and passionate in private. Dr Nigel Davenport is my best friend. An English born Honey Badger.

Emil and Nigel bonded right after we graduated Med school. Rory was in our class too even though I'm 2 years younger. I was 20 when I finished and got my MD, Rory was 22. Nigel is a year older than me. he's 25 now and Emil's 40 now. I had dated Emil and I had hoped we might still bond after we didn't on our first date. But he bonded Nigel right off the bat. But he loves me too. And I love him. I'm glad he loves Nigel so much though.

Dr Emil Brunner is a big Atlantic Walrus, he's 6'5" and 280 pounds of Dark Mahogany furred Walrus, with amazing deep liquid Brown eyes. A fat pot belly and a massive dick. 19" uncut and sheath less. He's a great top and he's turned my ass inside out more than a few times. I'm his second favorite bottom after Nigel. (As it should be) But once in a while, I do regret not bonding my Walrus.(But he's not my Walrus, he's Nigel's Walrus.)

Nigel's much smaller. Nige's 5'9", 165 pounds with mostly Black fur, and a thick Honey Tan wide stripe down his back and onto his tail. He has bright Green eyes and a bright smile. He's probably smarter than I am, he's warm and funny and it's like we've known each other forever.

Rory's big too. 7'2" and 320 pounds of White furred muscle. Rory works out three or four times a week. Rory has the same Sapphire Blue eyes I do. We got them from Dad, who has them too. They're more striking on Rory standing out against his White fur. Rory's also well hung. 22" and it's Jet Black colored and stands out against his White fur and White sheath. He's an amazing lover. Until I get my own Polar Bear, I'd have to say Rory's the best I've had.

Me, I'm 6'4", 225 pounds of African Lion. I have Golden Tan fur and a Red Blond mane. I have Dad's Sapphire Blue eyes. I have big foot paws and forepaws. My mane is thick and lush, again like Dad's. In fact, I look like a smaller, younger Dad. I don't quite have his charisma or presence but I do look just like him. Something he's proud of. He loves Rory just as much as he loves me though. And unlike me, Dad's a definite Lion top. A horny one too. He's got his mate and they have a very active sex life. Dad likes having me involved in it at times. Dad's hot for my ass and he loves watching me fuck Harry and then Harry'll fuck me too. Dad's even fucked me while I fuck Harry or fucked Harry while he fucks me.

Papa Harry Belford is a big Bengal Tiger. he's got the same build as Dad. (6'6" and 250 pounds) and he has striking Amber eyes. His Orange and Black striped fur is thick and lush and he's always got a big ole grin on his face, he's a very happy Bengal. He's been with my Daddy since we were in our mid teens and he loves us as much as if he'd of fathered us. The first time I called him Papa Harry he broke down and cried. Dad's proud of his loving Tiger and he's happy his sons love him too. Harry was an auto mechanic. Dad insisted he quit. And Dad bought Harry a Mercedes dealership to run. Harry was so happy. Rory and I both have S560 4Matic sedans that Papa Harry ordered specially for us. I am a bit spoiled. My California License Plate is an MD plate, as is Rory's and they allow us to park anywhere without risking getting a ticket. Dad's been known to borrow one of our cars because of that.

We have a few others living with us. Sam and Oscar. The owners of the gym Rory goes to. Sam Montoya is a huge Castilian Bull, Cuban born, and hot. Sam's big. 7'3" and 400 of rock solidly built Bull. Chocolate Brown fur, Blue eyes. Black hair, beard and tufts. They have a White streak running through their centers. Sam has a bad temper. Only me, his Oscar, and our Alfred can calm him when he goes off. Sam's massively hung too. 20". And he's an aggressive yet tender lover. Sam and I are hot for each other when we're around one another. Oscar doesn't mind. He knows Sam loves him more. Sam does love me, he's told me he needs to have his 'Baby Lion' as well as his 'Baby Bull' to love him. I do love him too, but he's never going to be mine. He loves Oscar too much, and Hell I do too. I couldn't do that to Oscar, even if I thought I could get Sam. (Deep in my heart I know I couldn't love Sam as much as Oscar does.)

Oscar Perez is a smaller Castilian Bull. Oscar is 6'8" and 320 pounds. His eyes are a Deep Blue. And his hair is long and Black and usually worn in a ponytail. Oscar is a classically handsome Bull. And he's calm natured, and even tempered. Perfect mate for Sam. Sam can be very volatile. But he's very passionate in all he does.

Rory lives with me too. He and his Grizzly Bear mate. Teddy Mitchell. Teddy runs a small neighborhood bar. The Bear Den. It's a great place to hang out. I met a lot of hot guys there, that I'd taken home to fuck. Teddy's not as big as Rory. 6'9", 360 pounds. Dark Chocolate Brown fur with a Tan muzzle and Dark Brown hair and beard. Teddy's got soft and sexy Brown eyes. And he's a great lover too. He's a versatile, and he loves being under Rory, but he's hot for my ass too. 16" and good with it. He loves Rory so much and I'm happy for them.

One more couple lives with us. My PA, Nate Porter and his big Russian Bull lover. Nate's 5'10" and about 175 pounds. He's got the fluffy coat of the Snow Leopard. Pale Gray and with Black Rosettes. He's got pretty Dark Amber eyes. And the thick fluffy tail of his species. Nate's a talented bottom like Nigel and I.

His Yuri Petrov is a big Gray furred Siberian Bull. Yuri's 6'9" and 300 pounds of solid built Bull. He has the most amazing Crystal Blue eyes too. Yuri is a handsome Bull. He was born in Kiev and he's a sweet, sweet soul. Huge hands and hooves, and if he loves you he'd do anything for you. He's well hung too, and the most gentle lover I've ever experienced. 18" and uncut. He adores his Snow Meow. Yuri's as honest as I am. And his big heart is always there for those of us he loves. Dad adores him too, treats him like a son. Yuri works security for CMK and he loves Dad. Yuri was an orphan and he looks up to Dad as if he was his own father. I love Yuri too. I would not ever want our Big Bull not to be in my life.

I've been in a relationship for the last 18 months. Not a good one though. Mick Castle is a big Highland Bull. Hot, hung and an aggressive, dominant top. It's been like the worst kind of roller coaster ride. He's beaten me, stolen from me, and runs around on me. I'm kind of obsessed with him. I can't seem to break it off with him no matter how badly he treats me. Rory and Dad have given up trying to get me to drop him. Nigel's tried too. I won't document all of the humiliating situations I've endured with him because of my obsession. But you have to know how it ends.(Trust me, I wouldn't admit to any of it if I wasn't forced to, but the end of the affair, as it were , is when I meet my Polar Bear)

I'm working out at Sam's gym. Mick comes in and pulls me to the side of the weight room. He's cursing me and yelling. Dad had it out with him for forging checks on my accounts. I knew about it but he wouldn't stop. He was basically signing my name to them when he wanted extra money. I was surprised as he knew I'd give him anything he wanted, if he needed money he could just ask and I'd give it to him. I'm embarrassed as there are a lot of guys I know here. He's yelling at me and for once I yell back. Apparently, I've reached my limit with him.

He looks at me furiously, and he's so mad he's shaking. I'm really scared of him now. He's enraged enough to do anything, he's hit me before and done some fairly serious damage. Never in public though, but as mad as he is I don't think he'll care that we're out in the gym with others around... He rears back and he slaps me in the face. He hit me so hard he dislocated my jaw. I hear a bellowing roar and Sam charges Mick.. Oscar's trying desperately to hold him back. Sam's furious and there is blood in his eyes. I'm afraid he'll kill Mick in his rage.

Mick smarts off to Sam. Sam's roaring and a big Polar Bear I've never seen before is now helping Oscar hold Sam back. Mick slaps me again. "I'll hit my bitch when he needs it no matter what" Mick snorts. And then he smacks me into the wall face first. Sam's making a noise I've never heard him make before. A strangled roar. I'm much more scared now about Sam's killing Mick.

Oscar shrugs his shoulders and nods to the Polar Bear and when Oscar lets go of Sam's arm. Oscar then turns and then solidly punches Mick hard in the face with his fist. Mick hits Oscar back hard. And Sam bellows ragefully and throws himself onto Mick. "You don't touch him" Sam roars in Spanish. "Bad enough you hurt my Lion, but you don't ever touch him" he roars and he's beating the crap out of Mick. Mick's trying to fight back but Sam's so strong and fast.(My Bull has endured watching and hearing about how badly Mick has abused me and he's putting all of that pain and anger into kicking Mick's ass now)

I throw myself between them "Sam, stop, don't hurt him, I love him" I beg. Sam turns to me. And I've never seen a look like he's giving me. He grabs my arms and he shakes me. "Mi amo, how much more are you going to take from him, you continue to let him hurt and degrade you, how much longer will you keep crawling back to him, hurting and disgusting all of us who love you so much?" he snorts. "Will he have to kill you before you let him go as you should?" Sam says and his tone is one of utter disgust. And he shakes me again and drops me onto the floor. I feel so much shame now. Sam is disgusted with me. But does he still love me?

My jaw is really hurting now. And I'm overwhelmed with shame as well. It hurts worse than my jaw. Sam keeps hitting Mick hard. Oscar tries to pull Sam off of Mick. The Polar Bear is trying to help pull Sam off of him too. Sam's gonna kill him I know he is. I can talk only amidst great pain. My jaw is really swollen up. But only I can stop him. I have to, I won't lose Sam, I can't lose my Cuban Bull to rage I made happen.

I kneel in front of Sam. "You'll kill him, stop, please" I beg. "He deserves to die, he's hurt you so badly, you think I don't know what all he's done to you, Claude, since you met" he roars. "No, please Sam, I don't care about what happens to him, but please stop" I beg. Sam looks at me. "Don't do this to me and Oscar" I beg. He looks puzzled. "You'll kill him, sure he deserves it, but` neither Oscar nor I could stand to lose you, mi amo" I say crying hard. Oscar nods. "I couldn't live with the guilt knowing you'd had to kill him because of me and my stupidity, don't let him take you from us Sam, I beg you" I moan, and I throw my arms around his waist. He drops Mick's badly beaten up body onto the floor. And he hugs me.

"Don't cry, mi amo, it would be worth it to see his hold on you broken" Sam says stroking my mane. I can't help but cry harder. "Claude, Jim called me, he threw Mick out of the house, it is your house though" Sam murrs. I cry harder. "I have wanted to kick his ass for a year now" Sam murrs. "I will call the Police" Sam says.. "I did already Boss, I called when I saw him hit Claude" Jake says. Jake is a Jaguar who works the desk for Sam.

My cell rings. I can't talk anymore for the pain, but I said what I had to, in time, Thank God. The rage is now gone from Sam's eyes . Oscar answers it. "It's your Dad, he had Mick's things removed from the house, and he's going to press charges for Mick's forging your signature" Oscar says. 'If you agree" Oscar says. I nod. "He says to go for it" Oscar tells Dad. Oscar talks to Dad a bit. And he hangs up. "The Police are coming here to get him, best you go now, take Claude to the ER for treatment of his broken jaw" Oscar tells Sam.

Sam, Oscar and the Polar Bear move off and talk a bit in Spanish. Sam comes back. "I had wanted you to meet Ignacio here for a while now, not the way I wanted to get the two of you together" Sam says. "I am Ignacio Dominguez" the Polar Bear says softly. I try to smile at him, but the right side of my jaw is swelling now. "We'll take you, mi amo" Sam says softly. "You should stay here" Ignacio says. "Answer all of the Police questions, I will take him" he says softly. Sam nods. Ignacio tenderly picks me up into his arms. I grab Oscar's hand and I cry. "I know, mi amo, I could not, I would not let him hurt you anymore, I thought he would back off in fear of Sam's reaction, but he would not" Oscar says. I nod. But it reminds me that Oscar loves me too. He is quieter but he'll always do what he feels he has to. And he probably figured as he said, that Mick would calm down rather than risk Sam going off because he hit Oscar. It just made him madder. Mick hit the two males Sam loves most, and we are lucky he didn't kill Mick.

Ignacio carries me to my car. "I will drive if you have your keys' he says. I fish my Mercedes' key fob out of my pocket. I hand it to him. He opens the car. And he puts me in the passengers seat. "Claude, I know you must hurt now, both your jaw and from the embarrassment, but I wish to date you still" he says with a soft and deep voice and sexy Spanish accent. "He hurt you, I have seen and heard from Sam and Oscar and your Rory how he has abused you, if you wish time to heal, I will give it to you, and I swear I will be good to you when you finally belong to me." he says softly. I nod. His eyes are looking at me and they're shining at me. Ignacio is a beautiful Polar Bear. (His soft and gentle manner is something that impresses me. He's quietly determined that I'll take him when I have healed. And I could use his soft dominant nature after Mick.) (Not to mention how much it seems that Sam and Oscar wanted us together.)

We drive on in silence, but I am looking at him carefully. Ignacio Dominguez is a big Polar Bear. 7'4" and 360 pounds of White furred muscle. His Deep Brown eyes are soft and liquid. He's got a warm smile and a soft manner. His hair and beard are Off White and just a bit darker than the White of his sleek fur. He's got big paws and huge foot paws. He's got a musky Ursine scent, like Rory's it makes me hotter for him. He's certainly worth dating. I want to be sure he's not just triggered my own lusts for Rory. He is a Polar Bear who looks a lot like my older brother. If he talked to Rory then he knows he looks a lot like my brother. But how do I know if it's Ignacio I want and not just to have my own Rory? And when you get down to it, would it really matter? Grandpa and Rory have predisposed me to be fond of Polar Bears. Oddly enough, I think about calling Grandpa Walt soon, been too long since he came to see us. He hated Mick, and he'll be happy he's finally been pried away from me. And if I do take Ignacio, like Rory, Grandpa Walt will be thrilled I went for a Polar Bear.

We get to the ER, and I get seen immediately as a Staff Physician. They pop my jaw back into place. And tell me to rest it tonight, and that it'll be better if a bit painful in the morning.. And give me pain meds.(I have to admit I'm rather fond of Vicodin) Ignacio asks me if I want him to take me home. I nod. He drives me to the house. And he carries me in. I don't need to be carried, but it feels so good to be held in his arms like this. I really don't want him to let me go now. I feel so safe and warm and secure in those big White furred arms. And he's been so gentle and kind with me. So considerate. I wonder how it'd be if I was his mate. Not to mention how much I like the touch of his big strong paws. So gentle and tender when he touches me.

Alfred helps me to my bedroom, when Ignacio puts me on my feet on the floor.. Ignacio follows us into my room. He sits on my bed. "Claude, I want you as mine, I won't deny that, but you are hurting badly, both inside from that Bull, and from your dislocated jaw, I want to know what you wish me to do now, should I leave you tonight and come see you when you've healed?" he asks. I look at him. All I really want to do is take some pain pills and go to bed. But he's so beautiful and he's being so kind and considerate. I like having him with me, and I feel safe by his side somehow.

I don't want him to leave. That much I know already. I want to get to know him. I want to see if he's as wonderfully gentle and softly dominant as he seems to be. He's let me know he wants me, and that he wants me to take him as mine one day, when I have healed. I'm enough of an impatient Lion that I want it resolved fairly soon. We Lions can influence our bonding a little bit. And I do so want to not make anymore mistakes. It won't hurt to get to know him better. He's willing to let me have all the time I need. He's convinced he loves me enough that we'll bond once I get to know him. I want him to stay. Hell, a part of me doesn't want to let him out of my sight until I know for sure whether or not I will bond him.

I take a pad of paper out of my nightstand. I write Ignacio a note in Spanish. "I would like you to stay, maybe spend the weekend, but I'm not up to much tonight, would you be interested in staying the weekend, so I might get to know you, I can't do much tonight, but I would want to tomorrow if my jaw heals" I write. Ignacio murrs. "Claude, I will stay, I have nothing that is more important to me than getting to know you, I wish to know you very badly." he says softly. "I will take as much time as you need, if you need to heal physically or emotionally then just let me know" he murrs."I would do anything you needed of me, I wish to take you as mine one day when you can accept this Polar Bear who loves you already, and who'll wait as long as he must to have you belong to him" Ignacio says kissing my paw. I'm kind of surprised. He meant every word of it. I could see it in his eyes. Those liquid Brown eyes shine with his love for me. Shamed in front of him, and he loves me, and he wants me as his. I hardly know what to think now. He's a beautiful Ursine for sure. Life as his Lion would be good, I think.

Ignacio asks Alfred to show him to the bathroom and he does. Alfred comes back. "Claude, he is your predestined life mate" Alfred whispers. "Take the time to get to know him, you do need to heal a bit, but you should know he'll bond you as soon as he knows that you want him" Alfred says. "It will be before the end of the weekend as well" Alfred says softly. "He'll be good to you, he's afraid you'd be embarrassed by him knowing of your abusive relationship with Mick" Alfred says. I nod. "But you will end up as his soon enough" Alfred says smiling. (I know how Alfred knows this, he's psychic, always has been. But I am surprised that he's telling me all of this.)(While he saw me take Ignacio to me, he's blindsided by what happens after that. He never saw any of me ending up in a triad.)

Ignacio walks out of the bathroom. And he walks over to me. "Are you sure you wish me to stay, mi amo?" he asks. "Dinner will be soon, come out, meet the family and eat, I'm sure Claude will come out soon, just give him a bit of time to rest" Alfred tells him. Ignacio nods. And Alfred shows him out. I'm kind of puzzled. Alfred is really on his side, I can tell by what he's told me, he thinks I should take Ignacio. Or else he wouldn't have said so much. And it's kind of obvious how much he likes Ignacio. Sam and Oscar wanted him to meet me too. I know now I'm being set up to find my mate, as I have done so many times for others.

Oddly enough, I feel nothing for Mick any more except shame that I didn't see through him myself. Nor did I listen to all of those who love me and tried to make me see how he really was. I know now, I wanted a Bull of my own. I love Sam, but I can never have him. I love Oscar too and Yuri. But Mick is nothing like they are. And I was blinded by what I wanted, or thought I wanted. I have so much to make up to my family for. I know I have to have hurt them badly.

But if I date Nacho, will Dad accept us? Dad's still mad at me for putting up with Mick for so long. I have to apologize to him and talk to him about this Cuban Polar Bear. Oscar emailed me some information on him. I got it in the ER on my smart phone. It was some information Oscar knew I'd need. He knows how I am, I have to find out all I can about something in order to make up my mind. It's Oscar's way of helping me make up my mind to take Ignacio. So he wants me to take him too.

Ignacio's the youngest son of the Bear who helped get Sam into the US and got him on track for becoming an Olympic Power Lifter. I have heard Sam speak with reverence about Pedro Dominguez and how much he helped him. If he is family to that Bear, then Sam would do all he could for him if he knew he'd be good to me and he'd love me. Sam's incredibly loyal to those of us he loves. Sam loves me too, he'd want this Bear to have me, if he thinks he'll be good to me and not hurt me. In fact, in Sam's eyes it would be perfect, he cares for Ignacio's family and me and to have us together and happy would make him happy as well. Sam, more than any other animal, knows how much I'd love and spoil him if I took him. Sam knows I'd love Ignacio just as I love him. (He's surprised by what happens eventually. But Sam's really happy for us.)

Sam also knows how deeply I love when I love. So I know now, Ignacio saw me at the gym and went to Sam to help him meet me. But was wary because of Mick. He's wanted me for a long time Oscar said. He's a patient Polar Bear for sure. I wonder how long he's known he was in love with me. Oscar didn't mention that in his emails. Oscar knows me well as well as Sam does. He knows I'm driven to know as much as I can about something before I make up my mind about it.

Alfred says he'll go after me as soon as he knows I do want him and have healed enough to take him. So Ignacio must have decided he loved me a while ago. He'd know more about me than I do him. He'd of asked Sam and Oscar. And they both know me so well. Sam would have told him all about me, as would Oscar have. So I do need to get to know him to know if I want to take him. I'd be tempted just on the basis of how he's treated me so far. I can't make a mistake this time. Mick hurt me badly, and I have to get it right the next time. I'm left with so many questions in my mind.

Sam and Oscar both want me to take him. Oscar made sure I knew that they'd been trying to get me away from Mick for a while. Ignacio's 27, only 3 years my senior. And he's got a good job. He's a Pharmacist at the University Hospital's Outpatient Pharmacy. And he's a top. Oscar says a very dominant, gentle top. He certainly is one beautiful, masculine Polar Bear. And he's been kind, considerate, and caring to me already. Gently firm when he insisted on driving me to the ER. But after Mick, I could use some gentle handling.

I wish I could talk now. I need to talk to Sam. I wish I had of listened to him about Mick. He tried to tell me at first that it was a mistake to go out with him. And he'd fuss at me after each time Mick hurt me. But he didn't know how badly Mick had beaten me up on occasions. (I'd hole up and hide until I'd healed a bit. I even faked a few 'accidents' to explain my injuries) But he had been trying to set Ignacio and I up. Sam strolls in after a while and sits on my bed. My Sam knew I'd need him now. And he knew I'd want to make sure he was OK. As he'd need to make sure I was not too badly hurt. He sits and watches me for a minute or so.

"Are you OK?" I write. Sam smiles at me. "Too many had seen him hit you, he tried to say I had just attacked him, but they had too many witnesses and they've gotten the ER report on your broken jaw"Sam says. And he leans over and kisses me on my left cheek.

"I need to talk to you, Sam" I write. "About Nacho, eh?" he asks laughing. I nod. "Claude, he's a good Bear, he's a hard worker, and he almost wouldn't consider you after he knew who you were, he was afraid folks would think he was after your money" Sam says laughing. "He told me he was afraid I was too hurt from how badly I'd been abused by Mick" I write. Sam smiles. "He wants you Claude, not just to fuck, but he wants to be your husband too, he fell for you the first time he saw you." Sam says. "Should I take him, mi amo?" I write. Sam laughs. "Mi amo, yeah, I think so, he's a gentler, Polar Bear me, he wants to be the Boss, but he's so much gentler and softer than I am, I'd be proud to see you take him, but it has to be right for you" Sam says. "I had him talk to Rory for the same reason, I know you'd worry that you'd only be interested in him because he reminded you of Rory" Sam says. I hug him. He grins. "I do know you, mi amo, and I love you, I am happy with Oscar, but I love my Baby Lion too, he knows how we are and he is like Oscar, if you love him, he will not worry if you love me more than him, he knows how we are." Sam says. "You'll keep me and know he'll love me as you would of, the way you want to see me loved" I write. Sam laughs. "You do know your Bull Daddy." he says softly.

"Claude, I had been wanting to lay into Mick for so long, and when he hit you and then Oscar, I would have killed him, and not cared, I'm glad you love me as much as you do, you made me see it wasn't worth killing him and losing you and my Baby Bull" Sam says softly. "I'd never want to have you not here with me and your Baby Bull" I write. Sam grins. "I knew it, you do love Oscar" he says softly. I nod. Sam grins. "I know how you love me, you might have tried, only you would have a prayer to pull me away from Oscar, but you did not want to hurt him or me, and you know you have my heart anyway" he says grinning. "I have spoken to Ignacio as has Oscar, he knows how you and I are, and he does not care, he knows if you do take him, it will be him you love the most" he says. I hug Sam. "I know, mi amo, you know how I love you but that I love Oscar more" Sam says. I nod.

"Claude, I know you respect my opinion and I am always pleased that you do, but you need to talk to Jim and Rory now" Sam says softly. "I hope you will take Nacho, he'll love you forever and he'll treat you like Gold" he says. "Alfred told me we'd bond, that the minute I let him know I wanted him he'd come after me and never leave me nor mistreat me" I write. Sam grins. "Alfred wants you loved, you're like a son to him, and he's seen your future" Sam murrs. "Nice that he and I agree" Sam says. (While Sam knows about Alfred's 'gifts' I think he doesn't completely believe it . But he's happy that Alfred seems to agree with him. Me, I know Alfred's always right. I've tried to change things a time or two. But life will shift and what he's seen will always come to pass ) (But Sam does know how much I do value his opinion and if I'm even considering taking Ignacio it'd be because of how much I do trust Sam's judgment.)

Rory walks in. Sam kisses me and gets up. "You two need to talk" he tells Rory and leaves. "Claude, how bad was it?" Rory asks. "Not too" I write. 'I'm just not talking to rest it and let it heal, hopefully, by morning it'll be better" I write. Rory smiles. "We should talk about the Polar Bear in the room, and not this one." Rory says smiling. I grin.. "I've talked to him, Claude, he wants you, not just to fuck, he wants to be your Polar Bear for good" Rory says smiling. "What do you think?" I write. "I'm proud that you'd go for a guy so much like me, but are you sure you're not just reacting to him cause he's like me?" Rory asks. "I'm not 100% sure of that, Rory" I write. He looks at me. "I've not known of him long, Rory, I know Sam knows him well, and thinks he's perfect for me, Alfred says he's my predestined life mate" I write. "I have to talk this out with you and Dad" I add. "I want to get to know him, it's why I asked him to spend the weekend with us" I write. Rory nods. "He's out there charming the pants off of the rest of the family right now" Rory says smiling. "Teddy likes him, and is hot for him already" Rory says smiling. I laugh. "Those who love you most like him a lot" I write. Rory grins.

"Claude, he is a bit different from me in some ways, a bit chunkier than I am, and he's softer spoken and seems gentle natured" Rory says. "Sam says he's a very gentle dom top" I write. Rory looks at me. "Claude, I was the first to take you, could I have set your tastes for gentle dom top Polar Bears like me?" he asks. "I don't know, Mick certainly was a mistake, no matter how good of Bulls Sam, Oscar and Yuri are, Mick was a mistake, and I'm so sorry I wouldn't listen to you about him" I write. "I'm not happy but I do understand, and I'm glad you didn't get hurt any worse getting rid of him finally" Rory says kissing me. I kiss him.'I know, Babe, you had to learn the hard way, and you're sorry you hurt me and Dad and the rest of the family" Rory says quietly. "Should I take Ignacio, even if I know him better, can I trust my own feelings after I was so wrong about Mick?" I write.

"Claude, two of the ones you trust more than anyone else seem to want you with Ignacio, Sam and Alfred" Rory says. "Oscar too, he wanted me to know about how well he and Sam knew Nacho and how he was connected to Sam" I write and I show Rory the emails Oscar sent me. Rory smiles. "It explains why Sam wants you with him, he adores that Bear that got him here and on the road to the Olympics" Rory says. Rory smiles. "I'd be more encouraged by Oscar's comments, he's gentle and dominant, you want dominant, but you need a gentle and firm hand, Claude, especially after Mick got done with you" Rory says softly. "He seems like all you'd ever need, Claude" Rory says softly. "Just be sure this time, and don't take him because he reminds you of me" Rory says softly. "I could do much worse than to get my own you" I write quickly. Rory smiles. "If you love him for himself and not as if he was me, it'd be a good thing" Rory says quietly.

"I'd be happy if you and Grandpa Walt set my tastes for Polar Bears, you two set the Ursine bar rather high" I write. Rory kisses me and grins deeply. "It wouldn't be fair to him to take him and then treat him as if he was me, he's bound to be a bit different, Claude" Rory says smiling. "I know, but you have to know, Polar Bear or not, some of the criteria Nigel has helped me form in my head for what I want in a mate is based on you, Rory" I write. Rory kisses me. "Mick wasn't what I thought he was and I wouldn't let myself see how he was nothing like you" I write.

Dad strolls in. Rory starts to get up. "No, Rory, I want you here too for this" Dad says and he sits. "Claude, I like Nacho, he's soft natured and charming and he is honest as Hell" Dad says. "Sam seems all for him and Alfred has spoken to me about him too" Dad says. "But?" I write. Dad laughs. "Take it slow, Claude" Dad says. "I'm glad you asked him to stay the weekend, you need to get to know each other better" Dad says softly. "It was my intention, I can't do much anyway, trying to rest my broken jaw" I write. Dad laughs. "He told me he'd be as patient as you needed him to be, Claude, that Bear has it bad for you already" Dad says softly. I nod. "I know" I write. "He was so kind, he took me to the ER, and he tried to help us with Sam and Mick" I write.

"I'd of liked to see that, to watch Sam kick Mick's ass" Rory says smiling. "He told me Claude, how you begged him to stop so he wouldn't kill Mick, because you wouldn't want him to be taken away to prison" Dad says. "You love that Bull, as much as he loves you" Dad says. "He wants me to take Nacho" I write. "Claude, do what you think best, Boy, but take some time to think about it, but it seems you are taking time" Dad says hugging me. "Dad, I'm so sorry for what I put you and Rory through because of my obsession with Mick" I write. "I know, Boy, he hurt you, he kept you hooked, and I hope you'll finally go to therapy like I wanted you to, that friend of Emil's will be happy to see you" Dad says softly. I nod. I'm kind of toasted from the Vicodin and I move my jaw. It's not hurting anymore.

"Ask Emil to come see me, Bro" I say. Rory nods. And he goes out. Emil comes in. "Liebchen, are you hurting?' he asks. "I want to know if Dr White might see me this weekend, I wouldn't ask normally but I need help and I'd like to sort it out before I make any sort of decision with Ignacio" I say softly. "And I'm in pain but the Vicodin helps" I say. Emil leans down and kisses me. "I am so relieved, I am sorry you were hurt, but he was broken away from you, may he rot in Hell" Emil says fiercely. "You tried too?" Dad asks. "I did, Jim, he was bad to and for our little Lion, and Claude would not see" Emil says looking hurt. I hug him. "I'm sorry, I know I hurt all of those who love me" I say sadly. "Nigel is thrilled, he loves your Polar Bear already, and hopes you will take him, and he is grateful, you did listen a bit to him, kept things from being worse" Emil says smiling. "I owe him an apology too" I sigh. Nigel was the one to start me thinking I needed to break away, I might not have fought back without Nigel's making me begin to see how bad he really was.

"Claude, he loves you so much, and he will not hurt you, he is willing to do whatever it takes, wait how ever long he needs to, he will be all to you that you need" Emil says softly. I hug him. "He loves me I know" I say quietly. "He will be to you as I would have been, Liebchen" Emil whispers to me. "Best recommendation I could get, I know how much my Walrus would have loved me if we were meant to be together" I say softly. Dad smiles. "I would have been happy to have you as my son in law, Emil" Dad says softly. Emil smiles. "I would have, I know you love Claude as it is, you just love Nigel more" Dad says softly. "Y'all, I know how much I am loved, I just need help now, I need to make the right decisions now and I need to figure out why I had to suffer so, why I wouldn't let myself see through Mick when the rest of y'all did" I say gently.

Emil smiles. And he takes his cell and calls. He talks for a minute. And he hands me the phone. "I'm Jonas White, can you come see me in the morning, Claude" he asks. "Unless my jaw isn't right yet" I say. "We can do it by typing, I have a computer in my office, Claude" he says. "When?"I ask. "I can go in for noon" he says.

"I don't usually see patients on weekends, but Emil has been talking to me about you, and I hear you're faced with an important decision you want to make correctly" he says. I like his soft English accent. "Claude, if I understand correctly, he'll wait for you to heal, if you can, don't decide anything before you see me tomorrow, even as to whether you'll sleep with him" Jonas says. "If he wishes to stay there let him, but don't have sex with him yet, things may go further than you want them to" Jonas says quietly. "Sounds like a plan" I say softly. Dad's laughing. "Dr White, I think I'm going to need to see you regularly anyway, this has to be something that will take a long time to deal with" I say softly. "I agree, I was going to bring it up when you came to see me, if you want to and he'll come, you should bring your Bear and we'll all talk after I've had time to talk to you, he'll need to know how to help you heal from this" Jonas says quietly. "I'll ask him, but I am pretty sure he will come" I say.

Emil and Dad go out. I go wash my face when Jonas hangs up. (I really meant it when I said that to Jonas, but it doesn't work out that way. But Jonas isn't mad that I didn't wait, he's glad I do come, and with Ignacio as well, gives him a chance to help us both. He works on trying to get me to understand why I felt I needed to be abused and hurt. And he helps Ignacio to see how he can help me heal. He is impressed with my Polar Bear, how kind and gentle he is. He agrees that Ignacio's love and gentle support will help me heal faster.)

I walk out to the living room. Alfred brings me a Diet Pepsi with a straw. Everyone is sitting and talking to Ignacio. And he looks so happy to see me come out. His eyes light up when he sees me. And his smile is so genuine and loving. I can see him fighting the urge to run to me, and take me into his arms. He's got it bad for me for sure. I sit down by Nigel and I hug him. "So you solved your Bull problem?" he asks. "No, Sam did it for me" I say. Sam's ears twitch. "My Cuban Bull always looks after me" I say smiling. Oscar laughs. "He's gonna have Sam's hoof prints on his ass for a very long time" Oscar says laughing. Nigel smiles at me. "He wants you to take Ignacio, doesn't he?" Nigel whispers to me. "He does, so does Oscar, and Alfred as well." I whisper back. 'I'm beginning to think I want me to take Ignacio too, as usual I need you to help me sort it out" I whisper.

And I'm feeling so much better. Ignacio is looking at me, and I can see so much love in his eyes for me. I can feel my resolve to wait til I've seen Dr White weakening. I'm almost sure I want him now, I don't want to risk losing him. Though he said he'd wait as long as I needed to heal.. But I ought to wait to be sure. Dad has always called me an impatient little shit, and he's right. I can see how much he loves me in his eyes now. And he'll wait if I want him to, but I don't wanna wait. If I can only be sure he's right for me. And Alfred said I'd take him before this weekend was over. And it is just starting. SIGH....

I desperately need to sort this out, I'm already sure I really don't want to wait until I see Dr White in the morning. I really need to get Nigel off alone so we can talk openly. No one else can help me settle my fears and decide what I truly want, but him. (Wrong, it takes him, Oscar and Yuri to help me sort this out.) He knows me so well, and he knows I'll listen to him. But I'm feeling so much from that big Cuban Polar Bear. Like he's everything I always wanted and needed in a mate. And I can almost feel his love for me like it's a palpable thing. It's so obvious to me and to my family too apparently. Yet, as much as he wants me, he's determined not to pressure me. He is showing his love for me by doing that. Makes me love him already. I know I do, I just want to be sure we'll bond and be right for each other.

"Come on furball" I say picking him up and walking out to the patio. We strip and get into the hot tub. We talk. And he's happy when I apologize for not listening to him about Mick. "Claude, I'm just glad he didn't hurt you worse, but in a way it was pushing you over the edge that got you to let go of him, you know you'd never let Sam get into that sort of trouble" Nigel says smiling. I nod. "Sam was ready to kill him, even Oscar couldn't sway him, I had to beg him not to kill him, that Oscar and I couldn't stand to not have him with us, and in jail" I say sadly. "Ignacio saw it all, and he still loves me, he saw my degradation and pain, and still he loved me" I say fighting tears. "Claude, you knew how to sway Sam, you made him stop, Ignacio was impressed by how you put your pain aside and used you and Oscar's love for Sam to make him stop" Nigel says. "He knows how you two are, and he doesn't care" Nigel says softly.

"So Claude, what about Nacho?" Nigel asks. "I don't know, I hurt a bit still, I can get over Mick, I know Ignacio is nothing like him, Sam knows him well, wants me with him, he's a gentle but dominant top, which is what I have always wanted, but I'm afraid, Nigel, I didn't see it with Mick so how do I know Ignacio won't turn on me too?" I ask plaintively. Nigel laughs. "He'll be good to you, he's worried about making sure he's not going too fast with you already, Claude" Nigel says softly. "I know, he's been so sweet and caring, even when he was being firm about driving me to the ER he was still being gentle and kind" I say. Yuri walks out and gets in with us.. I smile at him. I should have seen I'd need Yuri's kind and wise nature to sort this out too. He knows. He knew I'd need him, I can see it in his eyes. His big heart knew how much I'd need his love, caring and support. He cuddles Nigel and I in the tub.

"Katya get rid of Bad Bull?" he asks. "I did, or rather Dad and Sam did it for me" I say meekly. "Katya no see, he hurt, he love other Bull, Bull mean, Yuri see how mean he be to Katya, no can help" he says softly. I hug Yuri. "I know and I"m sorry it hurt you so much" I say in Russian. Yuri ruffles my mane. "Yuri happy to no see Katya hurt so anymore" he says giving me his bright smile. I hug him tighter. "I think I just wanted a Bull, Yuri, I wanted one who'd love me like Sam and Oscar love each other or you love Nate" I say softly. "I wouldn't see how he really was" I say softly. "Katya want be loved much, he sad he alone, only one here alone now Alfred have his own Bull" Yuri says. I look stunned. "Katya no know?" Yuri asks. "No" I say shaking my mane. Nigel explains what happened. And that Alfred's now bonded to our new Texas Longhorn Bull gardener. I shake my mane. "He didn't even ask me or tell me" I snort. "It happen yesterday" Yuri says. "Claude, don't get mad at Alfred, he talked to Papa Jim about it after it happened" Nigel says. "Damn it, he belongs to me now, not Dad, I talked to him tonight, he talked to me about Ignacio but said nothing about his own Bull" I snort.

"Claude, why are you so mad?" Nigel asks me. "I thought he loved me, and why wouldn't he tell me if he was happy and loved now" I say and I break into tears. "Yuri see, Claude upset, hurt still, he feel much pain though he lose Bad Bull" Yuri says stroking my mane gently. "I love you, Yuri, don't ever leave me" I beg. Yuri's holding me tightly and stroking me. Nigel's watching us. "Claude, you still hurt so much" Nigel says. "I'm going to see Dr White, Emil called him for me, he's been keeping him updated in case this happened" I say softly. Nigel smiles at me. "He loves you a lot, Claude" Nigel says softly. "I know, but he's your Walrus" I say softly. Nigel smiles. "But he loves you too, he always will, just like Sam loves you, I know" Nigel says. I hug him. "Claude, you just don't always see it, they love you, we all love you" Nigel says. "Da, Yuri always love his Katya" he says stroking me still.

"Claude, we know you love us, you'd never take any of our mates, you love us all too much" Nigel says softly. "If he'd take anyone's mate, it'd be mine" Oscar says slipping into the water. "Oscar, I could never do that to you or Sam" I say softly. Oscar smiles. "I know, Claude, he loves you so much, but he loves me more" Oscar says softly. "I know, deep in my soul, I've always known he loves you more, even if I took him, I couldn't love him as much as you do, Oscar" I say fighting tears. "I know, mi amo, I've always known how you felt" Oscar says stroking me now too.

"Only as honest of a soul as you are would admit that though" Oscar says nuzzling me. "I'm fine with it, Sam's not the only Bull here that loves you you know" Oscar says smiling. "I have to admit I was surprised, the first one to hit Mick was Oscar, Nige" I say smiling. Oscar laughs. "I had the better shot and I was afraid Sam was gonna kill him" Oscar says. "I did notice it was when Mick hit you that Sam went off" I say looking down at the water. Oscar laughs. "Claude, he was already in a rage, no one but me could have held him back, he won't ever hurt me" Oscar says smiling. "He told me when he saw Mick hit you he was going to break him in half" Oscar says.

"Claude, you were the one to calm him down, he would have killed Mick if not for you seeing how he had lost control, and begging him to not kill him and get hauled off to Jail" Oscar says. "I was proud of you, I was trying to figure out how to back him down and you pushed through your own pain and shame and reached our big Bull" Oscar says nuzzling me. "He told Sam he couldn't do that to us, to him and me, that we'd be lost without our Sam if he was in jail for killing Mick" Oscar says proudly. Nigel smiles. "So you, you know your love for Sam and Oscar was stronger than your pain and feelings of shame" Nigel says laughing. Oscar and Yuri smile at me too.

"Claude, Sam's such a larger than life Bull, he'll always need us both, I figured out that a long time ago, he's too much Bull for either of us alone" Oscar says smiling. "Oscar, I do love you, I always have, I would even if you weren't with Sam" I say. Oscar smiles." "I knew, but I like hearing it" he says grinning. "We're all here because we're family, we all love one another" Oscar says softly. "And Nacho knows how you and Sam are, but he's sure if you take him it's him you'll love, he's fine with you and Sam just as I am" Oscar says smiling. "You think I should take him" I say. "No, I know you should take him, he really is a gentler Sam, he has a temper, but he's so calm natured, and easy going, he'll be good to you, and for you, he'll be the solid anchor you need, Claude" Oscar says. Nigel nods. "He loves you for sure, he's weighing everything to see what would be best for you" Nigel says. "I did talk to Dr White and he wants me to not make any decisions until I see him tomorrow" I say softly. Oscar smiles.

"Claude, he wants to sleep with you tonight, he's said he'll be willing to just lay by you, and not try to have sex or kiss you, he wants to feel you next to him he said" Oscar says softly. "He wants you by his side forever, like Sam wants me" Oscar says gently.

I tear up. He's really determined to put my needs first. And it touches me so much. Nigel and Yuri smile at me. "He wants to hold you and talk if you're up to it" Oscar says softly. I purr. loudly. Nigel and Oscar laugh at me. "You like him already don't you?" Oscar asks. "I do, I love him, I'm sure of it now, and I'm leaning towards taking him, Oscar, but I was so wrong with Mick, how do I know I'm doing the right thing here?" I ask. "Us" Oscar says. "Sam has been working for a while to get you away from Mick and pointed towards Ignacio, Claude, he knows Nacho well, and you know how much we both love you, and Nacho himself has been trying so hard to be careful with you, but he loves you already, he wants to take you for good" Oscar says. "He'd beg you if he has to, but we both know he won't have to beg, don't we, Claude?" Oscar asks. I nod.

"Claude, he's trying so hard to do what's best for you, even if he has to wait" Nigel says. "He loves you enough to want it to be right for you, when you can handle it" Nigel adds. "Bear love Katya already, much patient, much gentle, know Katya need gentle touch" Yuri says. "Bear love Katya like Yuri would" he says smiling at me. I know, had he been meant for me, Yuri would have. And I'm struck by a thought. My perfect male would be a mix of Rory, and Yuri, with some of Sam's dominance mixed in. And I'm beginning to see that's how Ignacio is.

"He asked Papa Jim for your paw already" Oscar says grinning. I roll my eyes. But I didn't hear Dad explode so it must have gone well. "Rory was worried I'd take him just because he was a Polar Bear who reminded me of him" I say looking off into the distance. Nigel grabs my mane and pulls me back to look into his eyes. "So the fuck what" Nigel says firmly. "So you have a mate who reminds you of your very much beloved brother, your brother, who I might add took your virginity and still fucks you when he can" Nigel says firmly. "He'd of bonded you if he could, and we know you'd of taken him" Nigel says with a tone of finality. "That brother" he snorts. I blush again. I told Nigel that a long time ago. And I would have taken Rory if I could.

Oscar looks at me. I blush. "Rory took your cherry?" Oscar asks sounding surprised. I nod. "He did, Rory said you begged him to" Nigel says firmly. I blush again. Oscar laughs. "Rory is a great fuck, an amazing top" Oscar says. "No wonder you turned out to be such a good bottom" Oscar says laughing. "I loved him, Nigel's right I still do, and we were just messing around and our passion for each other flared up and I begged him to take me, not like I had to beg him, he was all for it anyway." I say quietly. "You admit it so freely" Oscar says teasingly. "I'm not ashamed, brother or not I couldn't have asked to be broken in better than he did me" I say quietly. "But it does bring up the point of whether I want him because of Rory" I say. "I don't know, I want him, but how can I be sure?" I ask.

"Lets see, he's kind, loving, gentle but firm, handsome, and the guys he's been with say he's an amazing lover, and he's not wanting you for your money, and he's more than willing to wait and do what's best for you?" Oscar says. "But how do I know he's not just trying to court me, and he'll be that way always?" I ask, and the fear in my voice is obvious. Nigel stares at me. He's annoyed with me now.

"Claude, are you looking for reasons not to take Nacho?" Nigel asks. "No, I do want to be sure, one thing I know about him already is that if he and I do bond, it'll be for good, he'll never let go of me" I say quietly."No more than Sam will ever let go of me, or you, mi amo" Oscar says softly. I blush. "The question is, will you love him as strongly and as deeply as he'll love you, Claude?" Nigel asks. "I will, it's why I'm trying so hard to sort this out" I say. "He deserves the same devotion and strong love he's showing for me already, guys" I say. "The way you love us and tried to love that asshole Mick" Oscar says softly.

"And am I worthy of him?" I ask, my voice shaking. "You are, or at least he thinks so, Claude" Nigel says laughing. "It's so you, Claude" Oscar says laughing. "He's watched you and he's thought it all out, he knows you are what he wants and needs, he's spent a lot of time talking to me and Sam about you" Oscar says "I don't think you could do much better than to take that big Polar Bear" Nigel says. "You just want him around because you know I'll share him" I snort. Oscar laughs. Yuri's still holding me. and he nuzzles me. I feel calmer, Yuri knows it makes me feel comforted and secure when he holds me.

"I should wait til I've talked to Dr White, but if I listened to my heart, I'd go beg him to take me now" I tell Oscar. Oscar grins. "They're right, you really can't lie" Oscar says softly. "The minute he knows you want him, he'll bond your ass so tightly, you'll never even think of leaving him, Claude" Oscar says. Yuri nods. "Bear want Katya badly" Yuri says softly. I have to find out what my Russian Bull thinks. Yuri's heart knows mine and he'd of sorted out Ignacio by now.

"Yuri, do you think I should?" I ask him in Russian. "Da, Polar Bear love Claude like Yuri would, he kind, gentle like Katya tell Yuri he love about his Yuri" Yuri says earnestly. I kiss him. "Yuri, I love you, and I trust you, probably more than anyone I know, you seem to almost see directly into the hearts of other animals" I say softly. Yuri blushes. "Katya, need time?" he asks "I should take the time, I know I need to heal from Mick, but I think he'll help me heal, he sure said he would" I say. "Bear no lie, he like Katya, honest heart, no lie ever" Yuri says kissing me. Oscar and Nigel nod their agreement. "Katya listen to his heart" Yuri says calmly. "Katya know what do if he listen, Katya's heart know what he needs always" he says nuzzling me again.