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Kevin Stair and Dr. Humble: A Serial Romance

Part 6

Herbert spent the next two weeks staring at the wall. He didn't speak and he only moved when moved. His hair, previously graying at the temples was almost completely gray and starting to thin. His beard grew out, scraggly and patchy.

Dr. Root spent an hour every day talking to him, trying to draw him into a dialogue, but Herbert didn't even seem to notice he was there. Deciding it was time to take a new tact, he called in Kevin.

Herbert lay on his bed with his eyes open, facing the wall. Kevin stopped in the doorway, shocked at the changes in his lover. Gone was the distinguished gentleman that had taken him to an Italian restaurant with a Spanish name. The man that had taken him into the park to look at the stars had been replaced by this vegetable. It was almost too much for him to bear. It took all his strength to enter.

He sat in a chair just out of reach. Dr. Root had coached him not to get too close to avoid putting undue pressure on him. No one was sure how Herbert would react to Kevin's presence.

"Herbert, it's me, Kevin," he said gently. Herbert didn't so much as twitch.

"I've missed you. I've been here every day, but this is the first time they've let me in to see you. Have they been treating you well?"

There was still no response. Kevin continued speaking, avoiding any topics of consequence, again at Dr. Root's coaching. He talked about spending time with George and his wife. He talked about school.

Herbert gave no sign of having heard him at all. After an hour, Dr. Root pulled him out.

"Is he even in there?" Kevin asked.

"Absolutely. I know it doesn't seem like it, but he's hearing every word you say. Give him some time."

"What can I do?"

"Continue to visit him. Sit with him. You don't even have to talk, just be there. He's trying to hide from reality because he doesn't want to face his own feelings."

"Will he ever be the way he was?"

"That's entirely up to him."

Two more weeks went by. Kevin spent as much time with him as he was allowed. A few times he thought Herbert was going to say something, to turn his head, do something to acknowledge his presence, but he never did. Kevin got the impression he was trying to wait him out, as if Kevin would get tired of him and just leave. He should have known better.

His inactivity was taking its toll on his body. His fat started to sag and he was softening up in general. His skin was turning ashen. He looked like he was trying to die. Kevin could feel his own heart starting to crack, but he was determined to carry on.

"You really should reread your book," Kevin said on the first day of his third week visiting Herbert. He was starting to lose patience with was he was coming to think of as Herbert's sulk.

"You captured exactly what it's like to be in my shoes. If you think you're going to drive me away with the silent treatment, you're in for a big disappointment. I'm not going anywhere.

"I've asked Dr. Root to release you into my care and he's considering it. George and Sheila say they're going to help. I think we've got a good chance.

"Doesn't that sound nice? Did you ever think that you'd wind up in Gabriel's shoes? That you'd wind up the cripple with some poor fool desperately trying to keep you around because he can't imagine life without you anymore? Because he wants nothing more than to live out the rest of his life with the one he loves?

"Yeah, I said it. I'm in love with you Herbert, even doing this vegetable impression isn't enough to change that. I don't care what Gabriel thought, if you love someone, they can't possibly be more burden than lover. The greater the love, the greater the burden that can be born."

He paused to see if Herbert was going to react. He thought he detected some stiffening of his shoulders, as if he was being beaten. Emboldened, he continued his tirade.

"I bet you think it's your fault that Gabriel offed himself. Somehow, you refusing to abandon him, giving up whatever you had to for his benefit drove him to suicide, that your beautiful love letter somehow poisoned him. Is mine poisoning you? This is what this is, you know. This is my love letter to you.

"It's not your fault that Gabriel killed himself anymore than it's your fault he got hit by that car."

"Get out," Herbert said. Kevin was so surprised to hear his voice that he completely lost his train of thought. He didn't even understand the words at first. Herbert had to repeat himself.

"Get out and don't come back," he said.

"No, I don't think I will."

"You're wasting your time."

"I'm the one who gets to decide if my time is wasted. Not you. I've decided I'm always going to stick by your side, no matter what happens, just like you did with Gabriel."

"If you really loved me you'd let me go. That's what I couldn't understand back then. Love isn't always about what you want. I wanted to take care of Gabriel and it didn't matter to me that that wasn't what Gabriel wanted. He didn't want to hold me back. He didn't want me to sacrifice my life for his sake. If I'd left him alone..."

"You can believe anything you want, but you are not Gabriel. You're not even sick. You're miserable because you think you should be miserable. What happened with Gabriel has nothing to do with us," Kevin said.

"I had a breakdown, Kevin. You're not inside my head, you don't see me the way I do. I'm not fit for a relationship. You think I'm being irrational, and maybe I am, but if I am irrational, that's just one more reason for you to run the other way as fast as you can. How can you be in a relationship with someone who might snap at any minute? You mentioned my book and I threw you out.

"I started seeing Gabriel, did you know that? As soon as closed the door I saw him everywhere. That's why I broke all the glass in my apartment. I was trying to hide. But he wouldn't go away. Root says it was an isolated incident brought on by stress and guilt, but what if it isn't? What kind of life is that? I don't even want to be around me."

"But I do. Let me help you," Kevin said.

"I am who I am. I can't. You can't."

"Nobody accomplished anything by giving up."

"Go away. Take your platitudes with you."

"I can't believe you're giving up."

"I'm not a fighter, Kevin. There's no point in it. Gabriel taught me that. You keep telling me that you love me. Maybe you should stop telling me how much you love me and show me."

That was like a knife twisting in Kevin's heart.

"I can fight for the both of us," Kevin pleaded.

"I'm not worth fighting for."

"You don't get to decide that. I will die before I let you go."

"And I'll die before I let you waste your life on me."

"Maybe the lesson you should have learned from Gabriel is that that won't stop me."

Kevin stood up and left. He walked until he found an empty room. Then he broke down and sobbed.

The next morning, Herbert surprised everyone by walking to Root's office and asking to be discharged.

"On one condition," Dr. Root said, "you must come back here once a week for counseling and continue taking your medication."

"Agreed," Herbert had said. Dr. Root had misgivings, he'd been a psychiatrist for a long time, but knew about the support structure he had waiting for him at home. In the end, that was what tipped the scales.

George came to pick him up with a set of his clothes.

"Did you tell anyone you were coming?" Herbert asked.

"No, you told me not to. I can follow simple instructions."

"You didn't tell Kevin?"

"I told you, I didn't tell anyone. That includes Kevin. I didn't even tell myself. Okay?"

Herbert let it go. Twenty minutes later, they were at Herbert's home. With some trepidation, Herbert stepped across the threshold.

Someone had gone through and cleaned up all the glass and blood. Except for the lack of glass of any kind, it looked like nothing had ever happened.

"Thanks for cleaning up the place," Herbert said.

"Kevin did it."

"Of course he did."

"I've got to get back home. Sheila'll get suspicious if I'm gone much longer."

"Where did you tell her you were going?"

"To my office to pick up a book. Speaking of which, do you have a copy of 'Story of O'?"

"No."

"Damn. Sheila wanted it for a woman's study group she's hosting."

"Just tell her you couldn't find it."

"Good idea. She'd probably believe that before she believed I found it. Even if I handed it to her."

Herbert smiled at George's joke, but as soon as the door closed behind him it dropped. He sagged in relief at being able to drop the act of being okay.

He went directly to his bedroom. He didn't have much time, he'd promised to come over for dinner and surprise Kevin and Sheila. He had no intention of keeping that date.

From his closet, he pulled a suitcase and began to fill it. It didn't take a lot of time. He wasn't taking very much, a few days worth of clothes and some toiletries was all. There was only one other thing he wanted to take.

He went to the library. There was a book, one that he never read, which he kept under the dust jacket from a book about beetles. It was on the top shelf, sandwiched between two volumes of classic poetry. He pulled the stepstool over and... the book was missing. In its place was a card.

I found your book. Come to your office if you want it.

It wasn't signed, but Herbert recognized the handwriting.

Herbert climbed the stairs. He was out of breath by the time he reached the top, something that hadn't happened in all the years he'd been climbing them. The door was unlocked.

Kevin sat behind Herbert's desk, grading papers. When the door opened he looked up.

"Hello, Dr. Humble. Come in," he said.

"Where's the book?" Herbert asked.

"This book?" Kevin said, holding it up. The dust jacket had been removed and it stood naked in his hand. "Prey Species" by Gabriel Span was printed above a photo of a cracked wolf skull.

"You'd make a really awful spy."

"Please give it to me."

"Not until you tell me what you're planning. As soon as you told George not to tell anyone you were getting out, he got suspicious. Are you running away?"

"Yes. Now give me the book."

"Where are you going to go? Do you have a place somewhere? Or are you just going to drive until you run out of gas?"

"That's none of your business."

"The second one, huh? I thought as much. Are you serious about this?"

"Just let me have the book so I can go."

"What do you need the book for?"

"Read the dedication," Herbert said.

Kevin flipped it open and read aloud.

"For Bertie, for whom I would kill to keep."

"It's the only thing left of him that I have. I threw everything else out when he died. That's the first copy that came off the press. It's the first time he told me he loved me. He gave me the book.

"Kevin, can't you understand? What Gabriel and I had, it was a once in a lifetime deal. You don't meet your soul mate twice."

"I'll let you go, Herbert. If you're really that determined to be alone, I can't stop you," Kevin said, putting the book at the edge of the desk. "But I want you to remember something. No matter how far you run, or how much time passes, you will never escape Gabriel. And I will never escape you."

Herbert took the book. He looked at the cover, turned it over and looked at the back, then he tucked it under his arm.

"I'm sorry," he said. Then he turned around and left.

Kevin stared at the door he'd closed behind him. He was really gone. He had known he would go. Words have a lot of power, but when a person puts all their will into ignoring them there's nothing that can be done.

He felt so empty. The first tear dropped. It didn't even bother to well up. He buried his face in his folded arms just in time to catch the first sob.

Then there was a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, holding in another sob and found Herbert standing next to him.

"Kiss me," he said.

"What?" Kevin managed to choke out.

"When you kiss me, I forget everything. Kiss me, Kevin." The boar pulled Kevin out of his chair.

"This is your one chance. Make it good."

Kevin was too in shock to make a move. Herbert had come back. He was standing right in front of him demanding to be kissed. Herbert pulled his head down and did what Kevin was too flabbergasted to do. A second later Kevin did his job.

It was the kiss of a lifetime. Every kiss they had shared before was at best practice for this one. They were so lost in it they forgot to breathe. Lips and tongues and teeth and hands and even noses somehow came together and complimented each other to draw them to heights they had never known before. It was more than physical. No mere bodily connection had ever formed something so perfect.

After conscious thought, clothes were the first casualty. In a feverish flurry of activity they shed every thread, breaking the kiss only when they absolutely had to.

Once they were completely naked, Kevin dropped to his knees, kissing and sucking and biting as he went. When he reached Herbert's erection, he kissed the tip, then slowly engulfed it until his lips touched his balls.

"Kevin... God," Herbert gasped out. As much as he wanted to make some smart-ass comment, Kevin wanted to keep sucking more. Up and down moved his lips, his tongue went everywhere, caressing every inch of Herbert like a maddened snake. He pulled back until only the head was inside. One hand pulled at his foreskin, keeping it back from the head, leaving him bare to Kevin's ministrations.

Herbert whimpered and tugged on the fur on the back of Kevin's neck. Kevin ignored him, determined to pull his seed into his mouth. Herbert took two big handfuls of Kevin and pulled him upwards. Once he was on his feet, Kevin shouted in surprise as Herbert actually picked him up off the ground by his waist.

"I want inside," Herbert said. He lay Kevin across the desk, heedless of the papers in the way. He lined up his cock with Kevin's anus and pushed.

They moaned together as he sank in. Kevin wrapped his legs around him and held him tight so he couldn't move. He pulled the older boar down for another long kiss, craning his neck down so he could reach.

"I love you," Herbert said.

"Don't tell me. Show me," Kevin replied. Then he loosened his hold just enough for Herbert to move in an out.

He kept his thrusts slow at first, mindful of the lack of good lube and that Kevin wasn't really properly stretched. Kevin didn't give a damn. He wanted that cum. If that meant he was going to have to use his own blood as lube it would be worth it. He started to move himself.

"Fuck me," he said.

"Don't want to hurt you," said Herbert through gritted teeth.

"Then don't ever leave me."

Herbert pulled out until only the head was left inside, then he spat until his mouth was dry. It wasn't particularly sexy, but he hoped it would make him wet enough.

It did. His next thrust was much easier and the next easier still.

"Fuck, Herbert."

"I am," Herbert said, slamming his hips into Kevin's ass, "fucking. Now shut up and take it."

Kevin grinned. It felt so good to be full of Herbert again. He hadn't known he could miss such a specific sensation before, but there was something about the boar. He didn't bother trying to understand it. He just laid his head back, closed his eyes and enjoyed it.

Herbert suddenly stopped. Kevin opened his eyes, suddenly afraid that something had gone wrong, but Herbert patted his belly in reassurance.

"Turn over. I want you to feel my weight on your back as I breed you," he said, smiling.

Kevin leaned up and kissed him before he backed up and let Kevin's feet touch the ground. The bear eagerly turned around, bending over the desk and spreading his legs to give Herbert the angle he needed. When he was done, he was rewarded with a smack on the butt.

"You're still too high," Herbert said and pressed down on the small of his back. "Much better," he said, then he guided his cock back into Kevin. Once the head was in place, he grabbed Kevin by the hips and slammed home.

"Mmm, yeah, Herbert."

Herbert lifted up his belly and rested it on Kevin's back to get it out of the way and get deeper penetration. The bear sighed. Herbert leaned forward so he could whisper in his ear, at least as close as he could get.

"How's that?"

"Harder."

Herbert did as he was bid. He planted one hand on Kevin's shoulder, giving himself extra leverage to thrust. The other hand snaked around under his belly and grasped his cock. Every slam into Kevin forced it through his hand.

"Goddamn," Kevin said.

"I'm going to cum," Herbert panted.

"Cum in me," Kevin said.

He did.

He slammed home one last time and, trembling, spurted his load. Kevin flexed with each of Herbert's spasms, milking him for all he could get. Finally, Herbert was empty of both sperm and energy. He collapsed against Kevin's back and groaned.

"Thank you," he said.

With one hand, Herbert searched around for his chair. Finding it, he pulled it behind him and pulled Kevin backwards. They managed to make it into the chair without disconnecting. Herbert took Kevin in hand again and stroked him. Kevin looked back and kissed him, his tongue sliding in and out between them. Then he came.

Jet after jet splattered on his belly and chest. Herbert licked his hand clean and leaned back, exhausted.

"Was that convincing?" Kevin asked.

"If it wasn't, we can try again later," Herbert said before kissing the back of Kevin's neck.

Herbert and Kevin stayed together for the next nineteen years. Early in their twentieth year together, Herbert suffered a series of strokes that left him incapable of reading or writing. After a remarkably short conversation with Kevin he elected to euthanize himself.

His last words were, "You can come too if you want, but there's no rush."

Kevin never remarried.

In their nineteen years, they published twenty-seven novels between the two of them, half were collaborations with each other. Nine of them were international bestsellers.

A year after Herbert's death, "The Man Loved by Despair" finally saw print. It featured a forward by Kevin Stair explaining the history of the novel. It stayed on the bestsellers list for thirty-four months.