FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I let out a content sigh as I drank my cup of warm coffee. If there was anything that didn't change about this universe, it was, thankfully, the coffee. I had a hard time living without it, so when I was finally able to have it again, it was like rejoining with a long-lost child. Except without all the tears that come along with it.

I didn't cry when I got my coffee.

…

Anyway, it wasn't even mine; it was my roommate's. Hopefully Jesse didn't mind. If she did, I could just buy her some more. One thing about being human here is that the HPA gives you a stipend just for existing. Kind of like welfare but it makes you feel even more pathetic.

My mama didn't raise no moocher. I wanted to earn my money. And so while I enjoyed my coffee, I started browsing the internet for any new job offers that I could potentially take. Would any even accept a human? Maybe they would just for the sole fact that they can say that they have a human employee. 'Hey fuckers, come here for a human!'

Yeah, that's probably not how it'd go.

Some footsteps interrupted my musing, which I assumed meant that my roommate had woken up. Unless she happened to be hiding someone in her closet. That would be a big yikes. I was starting to like this place for the one day that I was here for.

What came out into the living room was my roommate, but wearing… not as much clothing as yesterday. Instead of the hoodie she previously had on, she was only wearing a plain black t-shirt, and a pair of briefs. Men's briefs. Or was it women's briefs here? I don't fucking know. The point was, she was in her underwear. The amount of times I could say that a girl walked in on me in only her underwear was zero.

Because, you know, it never fucking happened. Until now, that is. Now it was one. One extra to my girl-walking-in-on-me-in-only-her-underwear score. The shirt didn't count.

“Morning…" she groaned, rubbing her eyes.

“That's, uhh… some nice attire you got there, Jesse." I casually sipped my coffee as I stared at her.

“Wha…?" She looked down at herself for a few seconds before letting out a yelp. She quickly ran away, presumably back to her room.

It only took a few minutes for her to return, and this time she actually had some pants on. Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

“I-I'm so sorry! I just– I-I got used to living alone," she spluttered, looking away.

Her embarrassment was frankly adorable. But then I remembered that if the genders were flipped, back home, it would understandably not be the most pleasant sight a girl would want to see.

Of course, I didn't have any problem with it. I mean, having a cute girl walk in on you almost naked was certainly not something you have happen to you every day. The eye candy was nice, to say the least.

“Hey, it's no problem, all right?" I said, trying to alleviate her worries.

I couldn't help but smile a little. The whole situation was just comedic, and I tried not to let out a laugh. I didn't want to make her feel any more embarrassed than she already was.

“It's just… I don't want you to think I'm a creep or anything…" she said.

“Nah, not at all. It's fine, really. Don't worry about it." I took another sip of my coffee as I looked back at my phone, attempting to change the subject. “I've been trying to look for a job. Can't find many good candidates, though."

“You don't have one?"

“Err, no. I haven't really had much luck recently."

She rubbed her arm. “You know, you don't have to find a job. I don't mind if you just… lived here."

“Yeah, but then how are we gonna split the rent? I gotta pay it somehow."

“Oh, uhm… The rent is already covered by the HPA."

I looked up at her. “Wait, really?"

“Yeah… I don't have to pay it anymore."

Of course it is. Fuckin' HPA. They pay for everything!

I put my phone back in my pocket as I took one last sip of my coffee, finishing the cup. I supposed I could just find a job later.

“All right, well, do you wanna hang out or something? Not like I have much to do right now."

“Actually, I have to go to work."

“Oh, right." I crossed my fingers together, resting my chin on my hands. “What kind of job do you have?"

“It's… uhm…" She placed her hands behind her back, looking away again. “P-pizza– pizza delivery."

“Pizza delivery?"

“Uhm, y-yeah."

I stared at her for a moment. “Is… there something wrong with that?"

“Well… I-it's not the most impressive job…"

“So? Who cares? Better than being unemployed, right?"

“I… I guess, yeah."

I don't know why she was so ashamed of that. Sure, as she said, it wasn't impressive, but I don't know why you would wanna be impressing anyone anyway. Did she think I would think less of her because of it? 'Cause I really don't give a crap. I mean, one of my first jobs was working at 7-Eleven. Now that was a job to be ashamed about. Customer service was a hell that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

Except Brent, for stealing my Xbox when we were kids.

Fuck you, Brent.

“A-anyway, I have to go now. So… see ya," she said.

“All right. Good luck, Jess."

I watched her walk off, but instead of leaving the apartment, she went back to her room. I wasn't sure why at first, but I found out it was because she needed to get dressed for the job. I saw her one last time in a cute, green uniform, before she finally left. I scratched my head, looking around the apartment.

Okay…

The fuck do I do now?

*****

I leaned back on the blue couch as I flipped through channels on the flat screen TV. Hyena TV was pretty much the same: full of shit. Nothing of interest, just news channels and kids' shows. Jesse actually had some streaming services like Netflix on, but of course, it required a password which I didn't have. And so I was mostly bored throughout the entire day. Sifting through garbage channels, playing solitaire with a deck of cards I found. Yeah, as I said, boring.

I pulled out my phone to check the time, and while doing so, realized that the battery was almost out. 12%. The one thing I forgot to buy when moving was a phone charger.

Fuck, I wonder if Jesse had one. Don't know why she wouldn't. I'd ask her when she got home.

Speaking of which, it was getting rather late, so she should be coming back soon.

I hope.

*****

Have you ever had a boner while taking a shit? Apparently it's because as the shit starts to leave your body, it rubs up against the prostate, stimulating it. Which means that you probably like things going up your ass. Or in this case, out. And…

Wait, why the fuck am I even talking about this?

Oh, right. I'm still bored as hell, lying on this couch, staring at the ceiling like it's the Sistine Chapel, waiting for my roommate to come back. I gotta say, though, this couch? It fucks.

As in, it's good. Not that it, you know, actually fucks.

Imagine that, a couch that fucks. Now that would be an invention more revolutionary than the bow and arrow.

A click resounded from the entrance hallway, accompanied by the slight creak of a door, before it shut. Jesse came into the living room, looking tired as ever.

Finally. She was back at last. And all it took was me daydreaming about shit-boners.

“Hey, you're back! How did it go?"

She sighed. “Same as always."

“Feeling tired?"

“A little, yeah." She walked towards the couch. I made sure to move to the left side to make room for her, and she sat down.

She let out another sigh as she looked up at me. “So, uhm… You said you wanted to hang out before. Do you still want to? It's Friday, so… I should be free for a while now."

“Sure. You gonna keep that cute outfit on?"

Even with all that brown fur I could tell that my comment made her blush. She fidgeted as her ears pivoted in a show of diffidence.

“N-no, I'll change."

She got up to go change into her casual attire. It didn't take her too long to come back.

“So, uhh, what do you wanna do?" I said.

“Uhm…" She looked around the apartment, before settling on the TV set. “W-we could play on the Switch. If you want, that is."

Shit, how did I not see that before? There was indeed a Switch, but somehow my blind ass didn't even see it.

“What kind of games you have?" I asked.

“Oh, uhm… Not that many. I'm more of a PC gamer…"

PC Master Race, boys.

“We could play… Maria Kart?" she continued.

The hell is 'Maria Kart'? That better not be what I think it is.

“Maria Kart?"

“Yeah! It's– It's a game where you, like, race against a bunch of characters and stuff."

She pulled on one of the drawers of the TV unit, picking out a game.

“The main character is a gal named Maria. She's not the only character you can play as, though." I got up so she could hand the game to me.

It was exactly what I thought it was. Damn, this universe did my man Mario dirty. Removing his iconic mustache? Now that was a cardinal sin right there. Then again, it's not like women had mustaches, so I guess it made sense. At least she was still a human.

Wait, she's a human? Huh, that's… strange. I wonder why that was.

“Actually, I've already played this," I said.

“Oh… Uhm, sorry. I thought you didn't know."

“No, I just… went blank for a moment there. Anyway, yeah, I've played this before."

I had to make up an excuse to not look like a complete moron. I mean, who hasn't heard of Mario? Or I guess… Maria.

“Oh, a-awesome! So I won't have to teach you, then?"

“Well the last… Maria Kart I played was on the Wii."

That part was true. It had been a long time since I last played Mario Kart, back when I was a kid in the 2000s.

Man, I miss the 2000s. I'm starting to feel like an old man reminiscing about shit like that. It wasn't too long ago that I was shouting obscenities to other twelve-year-olds on the Xbox 360. And now I'm in this shit-sack of a world.

Oh well, at least I had a cute hyena girl for a roommate (something I lacked in the 2000s).

“Oh, really? Well, this one isn't too different," she assured me.

“All right, then let's boot it up."

She inserted the cartridge into the switch and started up the TV. We both sat back down on the couch together, and she gave a pro controller to me while she used the original two blue-and-red Joy-Cons.

The screen lit up with the menu popping up shortly after. I assumed that was 'Maria' and her friends on the main cover.

God dammit, this feels like I'm playing some sort of bootleg rip-off. Albeit, a really well made one.

After picking multiplayer and Grand Prix, we were left with another four options: 50cc, 100cc, 150cc, 150c mirror (whatever the fuck that was), and 200cc.

When the hell did they add 200cc? That sounded like it would be pure chaos.

“So we'll just start with 50cc for now," Jesse said.

“Nah, fuck that. Let's go 200cc!"

“Uhm, o-okay."

Next thing we needed to pick were the characters. Wow, there were a lot more than I remembered there being. And I couldn't forget that all their genders were flipped. So that's great. Seems like the sex-flip didn't just affect the people.

They even had Link here? Damn, he was hot as a girl.

I already knew who I was gonna pick. Using my controller, I hovered over the selections until I reached the one I wanted: Prince Peach.

Oh, I'm sorry, what? You thought I was gonna pick Link? Nah, no way. I'm picking Prince Peach, bitch. I've always liked the idea of wearing pink while beating someone's ass. It was the ultimate humiliation.

And also I like pink so shut up.

Jesse picked Maria like the normie she is, then we continued onto the next screen. Now we had to pick what cart we used and what wheels and shit. Man, I don't care, I just wanna race against some bad AI.

Oh, and a bad roommate too.

Burn.

And finally, we were onto the map screen.

“Which map do you wanna do?" Jesse asked.

“Whichever one has Rainbow Road. 'Cause I want to suffer."

That earned a snerk from her.

“So, uhm, there are actually four Rainbow Roads."

“What? Why? Why are there four Rainbow Roads?"

I guess suffering once wasn't enough for Nintendo. Just the idea of it made me want to die four times.

“W-well, uhm, they're all d-different versions."

“Okay, then let's just do…" I looked over all the ones that had Rainbow Road, and picked the cup that had the least bullshit-looking maps they had. “…Moon Cup," I finally selected. I hoped this wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass.

“Okay."

The first map of the Moon Cup was Berlin Byways, and yep, it looked like what you would imagine Berlin to look like in the Mario universe.

The Lakitu came in from the sky to initiate the countdown. I wasn't even going to bother doing that start-boost shit. I always messed it up somehow.

Once the countdown reached its end, the race started and oh fuckin' shit we're going fast! I didn't have any time to react and ended up crashing into one of the first pillars, already putting me in last place.

Fuck, 200cc ain't messin' around. I probably should have gone with something lower, but I knew my ego wouldn't like that, so I had to go with 200cc.

“Uhh, yeah, I meant to do that," I said, trying to play it off.

“Heh, sure you did."

The more I talked to her the more I started to like her. It was nice to see her coming out of her shell, even if only a little.

The race continued as normal. Nothing really interesting happened through the first 2 laps, apart from Toad being an asshole constantly throwing shells at me.

Fuckin' Toad. You may be a girl now but that don't mean I hate you any less than before.

We were midway through the final lap, and I was currently in fourth place. Jesse was in first place, of course. That nerd obviously played this game way more than I have.

We had come up real close to the finish line, but before Jesse could reach it, Toad came up her ass like the T-1000 and snatched first place, throwing a shell at her.

“Oh, come on…" she lamented.

Meanwhile, I happened to get past the one in third place, who was ironically enough, Baby Peach. I almost hated her as much as Toad. Or him, I guess. Peach was now a guy, so I couldn't refer to him as a her anymore. But at least I could refer to him as a little bitch, since that never changed.

And just like that, the race was finished. I got third place and Jesse got second. Hah, what a scrub. Couldn't even get first place while I got third. Get on my level, pleb.

The next two laps went by just as quickly. Playing on 200cc meant that everyone drove faster than Sonic on meth, so it only took a few minutes to finish each one.

I didn't do very well on them, though, only placing fourth and fifth while Jesse was getting either second or first. Man, I really needed to step up my game.

And so we were left with the last lap of the cup, the most infamous of them all, Rainbow Road. One of them, anyway. Since, you know, there were four of them.

Imagine having a cup, but it's only Rainbow Roads. Hah, now that would be fun.

Not.

The preview started and I could already tell that this was gonna suck. Several planets were next to the trail, as if we were driving across a galaxy. One of the planets looked like Saturn, and another Neptune. There was also a giant moon with stationary rockets and Chain Chomps bouncing across. Huh, guess that's why It's called the Moon Cup.

The match started as normal. Luckily, there weren't any pillars for me to run into. But unluckily, since there were no rails on Rainbow Road, I fell off. A lot. Three times.

Okay, three times might not be that much but it was devastating nonetheless. It put me in last place for fucks sake.

We continued the race until we reached lap two, where I was lucky enough to get the Bullet Bill of bull-fuckery, speeding my way back to third.

I had to be extra careful on this stage. It was so easy to fuck up and fly off. And for some reason whenever you did, that Lakitu asshole took some of your coins.

Fuckin' bitch, I was gonna use those!

And now we were on the final lap. My hands were sweating and my heart was racing. I was so close to winning, but with three cucks in front of me, one being Jesse, there was no way I could make it. And with that, I had lost all hope.

But then, right before they could reach the finish line, a blue shell flew in and hit the three. I used this moment to zoom past them, stealing first place.

“What!?" Jesse shouted in disbelief.

“FUCKIN' PRINCE PEACH, LET'S GOOOO!" I yelled, like I was performing a demonic summoning.

I won! I actually fucking won!

But of course, it didn't matter in the end, because Jesse still won the entire cup.

Sure, I may not have won the war, but I did win one of the battles. And that's all that mattered to me.

“Ha ha, wow, I don't think I've had that much fun since I played with…" Her eyes stared blankly at the TV, as if she was reminiscing something. “Uhm, a-anyway, did you have fun as well?" She put down her Joy-Cons.

I put down my controller next. “Yeah, it was fun."

She gave a warm smile. “I'm glad to hear that. I don't have many people to play stuff with me anymore. Or have the time, really. I had to focus on paying my rent."

“Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore, do you? Now that the HPA is paying for it."

“Yeah, it's… relieving. Before you came, I used to have a different roommate. She helped with the rent and made it possible for me to live here. But she had to move out. Something to do with her job. And… I was starting to worry that I would have to move out myself. But with you here, that weight is finally off my chest." She gave me another warm smile, as she rubbed her arm. “So, uhm… I'm really glad you're here."

I smirked. “So what you're saying is that the only reason you like me is 'cause of the free rent?"

Her eyes bulged as she shook her hands in front of her. “W-what!? No! I-I didn't mean it that way!"

I let out a hearty laugh. “Relax. I'm just kidding."

“O-oh…"

“Heh, you're cute when you stutter like that, Jess. Anyway, yeah, I'm real glad to be here with you too."

For once I wish she were human so I could see how hard she was blushing. But even if she were, she wouldn't be nearly as cute as she is now. Something about her dog-like appearance made her all the more adorable. I always was a dog person.

I just hoped that she didn't think my compliments were creepy. Judging by the way she refused to meet my eyes, and how quickly she nervously licked her lips, I was guessing that I hit the right spots.

She eventually did look back at me, and when she did, she spoke. “S-so, uhm, do you want to keep playing, or…?"

“Hell yeah. Let's keep going."

She picked the Joy-Cons back up. “It's going to be fun beating you again." She gave a confident smirk, like she was top-dog shit.

I gave my own smirk in return, picking up my own controller. “We'll see about that, missy."

And I knew from that point on that this was the start of a beautiful friendship.