Refuge - Chapter 15: Love Heals All
Imported from SF2 with no description.
Casey's relationship with Nora is strained as his time on Stridus-A nears its close.
Refuge
by TypicalFloof
Chapter 15: Love Heals All
Chapter Theme: Little Boots - Earthquake (Fytch Remix)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh9XweTn6rI
The next few nights passed just like the first. Exacerbated by his disturbed sleep, Casey couldn't shake a mounting irritation. What was wrong with him? Deep down, he knew the answer, but he was not ready to face that particular demon just yet.
Casey felt even worse as he sensed Nora's growing concern. She didn't directly address it, but he could tell she was unsettled. He tried to distract himself with meaningless busywork, or by checking in with the MASH doctor, but he knew he was just making excuses to avoid Nora.
His heart panged every time she flashed through his mind. It was impossible to deny how he felt about her, and it was obviously mutual. Casey couldn't help the guilt that welled up within him. She had been through so much to rescue him. The last thing he wanted was to burden her with his mental state.
Casey was used to death and trauma. As he had gotten older and spent more time as a MechWarrior, he had learned to bottle up his emotions and stuff them deep inside. Or so he'd thought. The events of the past weeks had rocked him.
Every night, the bandits who captured Nora stalked his nightmares, taunting him. Other times, it was that bastard Wei, inflicting cruelty after cruelty on her while Casey could only watch helplessly.
Beyond his dreams was a reality that Casey refused to confront. He knew he was only prolonging the inevitable, but he stubbornly shoved it to the background. Based on Freeman's account, and his debriefing with Colonel Roget, he was well aware that the Capellans had either been captured or routed. Baker Company had successfully blunted the spear of the Capellan invasion, and House Liao was not keen to expend more resources on a shameful failure. That being the case, a Marik liaison officer was inbound to Stridus-A to deliver payment for the successful contract. Casey's time on the planet was quickly coming to an end.
He knew he needed to be straight with Nora. It was wrong to lead her on, relying on her earnest comfort, but he couldn't find the courage to have the difficult conversation.
Once again, Casey found himself lying awake next to Nora, terrified to fall asleep. He listened to her breathing for what seemed like hours, but he remained miserably alert. Finally, Casey got out of bed, careful not to wake her. He threw on a pair of shoes and slid out the door. Muffled snores were audible as he trudged down the hallway.
***
Casey's malaise was painfully obvious to everyone, much as he tried to mask it. Freeman finally had enough and dragged Casey to Vella. Casey knew it was for his own good, but he stubbornly refused to see the benefit.
So it was that Casey sat at a rough wooden table across from Freeman. They were in a secluded corner of a nondescript bar on one of the city's sidestreets. True to his word, Casey paid for a couple of Freeman's drinks, but the alcohol the despondent MechWarrior downed didn't lift his mood.
He swirled the brown liquid in his glass testily. Freeman banged his fist on the table, causing Casey to look up at him.
“You need to get out of your funk!" Freeman implored. He spread his arms. “As much whiskey as it takes, you are not leaving here until you get all of that shit off your chest!" He leaned forward. “What is up with you and Nora?"
Casey took another burning sip and glared at his friend. Since he was already feeling the heady effects of his previous glasses, it took effort to be mad.
“What the fuck would you know about it," Casey accused. He tossed back the rest of his glass and staggered to the bar. He set his glass down and motioned, and the bartender refilled it. Parking himself across from Freeman, Casey avoided his gaze.
Freeman sighed. “Guess I have to drag it out of you. Look, how long have we known each other?"
“Four years."
“Mkay. And how many relationships have you had in that time?"
Casey took a sip. “C'mon, Freeman, don't—"
“Answer me, Casey." Freeman's voice was calm.
Casey rolled his eyes. “You know the answer! Zero, okay? Happy?"
“Why?"
He stared daggers across the table. “Does it matter?"
Freeman's only response was to grab a few nuts from the bowl in the middle of the table.
“Fuck," Casey said under his breath. Glancing at him, Casey said, “Dammit, Freeman. Can't you leave it alone?"
“Casey, seriously. I'm trying to help, and you're just being an ass."
The rough surface of the table was suddenly very interesting. An ache welled up in Casey's chest. He laughed humorlessly.
“Fine. It's because I want something permanent in a career where nothing's guaranteed except an early death. I want a steady relationship, but the pragmatic part of me knows it'll never work out unless I get with someone on the crew. Like you an' Trish. Congratu-fucking-lations, Freeman."
It was a low blow, but Casey's bitterness was bubbling to the surface.
Freeman let the remark slide as he fixed Casey with an intense stare. “Now you have a girl, Casey. One that, y'know, went through hell and fucking high water to save your sorry ass! So tell me. Why the hell are you moping around and giving her the cold shoulder?"
“Because there's no fucking future there! We're ssshipping out in, what, sometime next week? What's she gonna do, leave all her family and friends behind, and fly from planet to planet, and sssspend the rest of 'er life in a damn broom closet?" Casey's voice hitched.
“I met her parents, Freeman. They're nice! And all the people at the village she knows." He shook his head. “I can't do that to her!"
“But you love her, right?"
Casey paused, glass midway to his lips. He set it down and closed his eyes as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.
“Yeah," Casey whispered. “I… I do." He looked up at Freeman, fighting his welling eyes. “But what kind of selfish asshole am I if I drag her away from everything she's ever known, into the unknown where I have a good chance of getting killed ssssomeday?"
Freeman leaned in and shook his head. A wry grin crossed his face. “Casey, I swear, sometimes you're the densest motherfucker I've ever known when it comes to women."
Casey grumbled into his drink.
“Look, Casey. Have you told her how you feel?" Casey shook his head. “Well that's step one. You're gonna be miserable until you lay it all out there! And listen; Nora went through a hell of a lot to get back to you. I think it's a safe bet what her answer's gonna be!" Freeman laughed.
As much as he wanted to argue, Casey knew he was right. He'd treated Nora horribly, all based on a stupid, misguided notion. He finished his drink. The burning felt good on his throat.
“Thanks, Freeman," Casey muttered. “You're… you're a good friend."
“So you're gonna talk to her, right? Tomorrow?" Casey nodded. “I'll lock both of you in your berth if it comes to that!"
A hint of a grin tugged at Casey's mouth. “I know." He took a deep breath and stood to his feet. “I'll talk to her, okay?"
Swaying, Casey grabbed the table for support as Freeman shuffled off his stool.
“Can we just get out of here?"
***
“Half a teaspoon of this, two teaspoons of that; wow that is powerful!" Casey's eyes watered as he added spices to the pungent concoction. He was ensconced in the main galley, stirring a large pot on the tiny stove. The local spices and meat had been expensive. He was no chef, but he enjoyed cooking from time to time, and the recipe seemed simple enough. Casey hoped the dish would turn out okay.
“What's cookin'? Smells like something the indigs make."
Casey turned to see Trish leaning on the counter.
“Freeman sent you, didn't he? You tell him that I am utterly unswayed by his attempts to get some of my dinner."
Trish's eyes flashed as she straightened. “Well I hope everything works out, Mr. Romantic Dinner."
Casey shook his head at her retreating form. Does everyone have to nose into my business, he groused.
In another state of mind, he probably would've been touched by Trish's concern. But nerves twisted his stomach as he spooned the aromatic food onto two plates. He scrubbed the worst of the remains out of the pot and hurried to his berth. Maneuvering around the bed, Casey set the plates on the makeshift table he'd created by shoving the two desks together. A spare, clean bedsheet was the best he could come up with for a tablecloth. He had even managed to cobble together a centerpiece — a few picked flowers that rested in a pitcher he'd swiped from the galley. His hands shook as he adjusted the silverware.
Casey checked his watch. Nora had taken to spending a few hours in the sims every evening and she was due to return any minute now. His heart pounded as he heard approaching footsteps. The door slid open and Nora stepped through. Her eyes alighted on the set table.
“That smells really good! What is it?"
“An apology." Casey sat as Nora seated herself. “Listen, I know I've given you the cold shoulder the past couple days. You don't deserve how I've been treating you; I'm sorry." He took a breath. “I figured we could eat and then go for a walk. We need to talk."
Nora looked concerned and forced a small smile. “Sure."
They dug in, throwing meaningless small talk back and forth. The food actually tasted great, but all too quickly, the two finished their meal. Reluctantly, Casey motioned to the door.
“Shall we go?"
Outside the camp, Casey plodded up a small incline. His stomach flipped in knots at Nora's silence at his side as they reached the top. Staring up at the star-filled sky, the two were awash in moonlight. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Nora fidget. Casey swallowed. He'd delayed long enough.
“Nora," he said quietly. She turned to face him. “I'm shipping out soon." The silence dragged out between them.
“I know," she finally said. He met her gaze with difficulty. He was surprised to see a hard edge in her eyes. “So answer me this: why did you make me make that promise? You think I could just forget about you?!"
Casey sucked in a breath. He hadn't expected this. Did she resent him because of it?
“You were just gonna waltz right up to the Capellans and let them kill you?" Her voice shook.
“What choice did I have? It was either that or let the entire village be destroyed."
“Dammit, Casey! Why would you risk it?"
“Because I didn't want you to get hurt!" he shot back. A lump formed in his throat. “If that happened, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."
“So why push me away now?" she whispered. She had every right to be angry at him. He shook his head, fighting tears.
“I was scared," he said. “I felt like I was taking advantage of you. Especially knowing my time here was ending.
“Look, there's no happy ending here," he said. “I don't have roots anywhere. I'm perfectly content to wander, but if you come with me, I'll be taking you away from your family. From the village. There's a good chance I'll be killed someday, and you'll be left alone. All because I want…" His voice broke. “It's selfish!" he whispered.
“What are you talking about?"
Casey felt heady, like he was about to step over a ledge. “I love you!" he blurted.
Nora was taken aback. Her mouth gaped. He couldn't read her expression. She stepped close, wrapping her arms around his waist. Her eyes searched his.
“Casey, I love you too." She took a breath. “After all we've been through, do you really think I'd let you go? I know it won't be easy, but I want to make this work." She stared at him resolutely.
Casey closed his eyes and pulled her close. “Me too," he murmured into her ear. They took solace in each other's arms.
***
Casey sat in Roget's cabin. The colonel's hands were clasped on the desk in front of him.
“She's a liability, Casey. Sure, she handled herself well enough during your rescue, but when shit really hits the fan…"
Casey leaned forward. “I know, sir. I'm not suggesting we thrust her into combat. She needs training."
Nora's comments about getting more seat time in a 'Mech were incessant, stopping just short of outright begging. He recognized the same thrill in her that he got whenever he strapped into the cockpit.
“I'm glad you agree," Roget said. He drummed his fingers on the desk. “I don't want to see anything happen to her. For both your sakes." He gave a small nod. “So that's why I'm putting you in charge of teaching her the basics. And then maybe I'll have her rotate through Recon Lance. We'll see what Greer thinks."
“Thank you, sir."
Roget waved a hand. “How's your recovery coming?"
Casey shrugged. “I haven't been cleared yet. Shouldn't be too much longer though."
“Good. Anything else, Jenson?"
Casey cleared his throat. “Actually, there is, sir. When will the liaison officer arrive?"
“He should arrive in-system in about five days." Casey nodded. The journey from the jump point to Stridus-A would take him maybe three to four more days. “Why do you ask?"
“I'd like your permission to go back to the village, sir."
Roget considered. “I don't have a problem with it per se, but I can't let you go until you've been medically cleared."
“Understood, sir."