FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I stared out the window, not paying attention to any of the familiar scenery that passed us. Five years since I left and I had thought I would be happy when I can back. Excited to see all my old friends and favorite places. But all I felt was numb.

My fiancee, Oscar, drove the car. He turned down the radio that had been playing non-stop on the way here, "So uh, honey, know a good place where we can get a quick bite?"

I didn't respond.

"Well, we can do get anything. McDonald, Burger King, Wendeys, your choice."

"Not hungry," I muttered, "you can get whatever you want."

Oscar didn't say anything. He had given up on getting me to talk on the drive here.

I closed my eyes. Memories of my teenage years filled my head of all the places me and my friends when to. Once I had my own car and money, Mom and Dad let me go wherever as long as I was back before dark. I ate at many places, but my favorite was the restaurant by the train track. It was a small place run by a family of my classmates. I told Oscar so much about the place and promised him that would be the first restaurant we would go to. But now I can't even bring myself to talk about it.

I felt something warm placed on my lap. I look down and see a fast-food bag. I turned to Oscar and saw him get some drinks from a drive-through worker. Oscar then pulled into a parking spot, "Do you mind if we take a break?"

"Sure."

The raccoon reached into the bag and pulled out a wrapped burger. "I ordered some stuff you might like as well."

"You didn't need to." out of a sense of curiosity, I looked down into the bag. It was filled with food, as though Oscar ordered the entire menu. "What else did you order? I'll pull it out for you."

"I just got this burger for myself. The rest is yours."

I shook my head, "You know I can't eat all this. It's too much"

"I know, but you haven't eaten all day. You don't have to eat all of it, but I do want you to eat something." The raccoon went back to his burger.

I looked through the bag and pulled out the smallest thing in there, a box of chicken strips. I picked at the strips, eating them in small bits. I couldn't even tell if they tasted either good or bad. It was just something to fill my stomach.

We continued the drive for a while and more familiar scenery passed before my eyes. My eyes moved forward and a saw the familiar gate of the neighborhood where I grew up. As we drove through the suburban area, I couldn't help but think of how different it felt. I thought it was an okay place to live before, but now I just feel sad looking at it.

"After turning right, you should see your destination on the right," the robotic voice of the GPS said. My eyes turned to the old family home. The house my sisters and I grew up in. Just how it was when I left.

As I saw the house, I felt my body grow heavy, pinning me into the car seat. As we pulled into the driveway, an overwhelming wave of sadness washed over me. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to disappear.

Oscar parked the car. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Welcome home. Kain."

"Is it home?"

Oscar said nothing as he turned the car off and exited. The raccoon noticed the overgrown lawn, "really hope the lawn mower is still here. Might need to check the inside as well. Kain, do you remember the code to the garage door?"

I got out of the vehicle and went to the garage door to punch in the code. The garage door slowly opened with a loud groan. The first thing that caught my eye was the large red pickup truck. It was fairly used but it looked almost new with the coat of paint and care put into it. Dad was talking about selling it since he was getting up in age.

Oscar stood beside me, "think it still works? It's been sitting here for a while."

"Maybe," I said. I never really understood cars like Dad could. He would usually explain some concept or technical aspect but it would all go over my head. He wouldn't even notice people zoning out once he gets started talking about cars. I once tried to time how long it would take to notice, but Mom interrupted him for some reason. I never got a chance to find out.

I wandered into the main house through the door and ended up in the kitchen. Decorations were hanging above the windows. Deflated balloons covered the countertops. Over the sink was a banner with the words Welcome Back on them.

It is as though time stopped for this house. I leaned on the counter for support, just so I would avoid falling to my knees. My chest felt tight. I ran out of the kitchen to get away from the sight.

I collide with Dad's favorite chair in the living room and collapsed on the floor. Tears well up in my eyes as I hit my breaking point.

Oscar rushed to my side, "Kain. Kain! Are you okay?"

"No," I said, my tears running down my face. "I'm not. I haven't been since Mom and Dad died. I-I shouldn't have come here. This place isn't home, not without them."

Oscar pulled me into a hug.

"I was supposed to take care of them. I was going to have them meet you. We were supposed to plan our wedding and then-"

"Shhhhhh, it's okay Kain, just let it all out."

"It's not fair. It's not fair." I cried in my fiancee's arms, in a house that was no longer the place I knew.