FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Bang! Stanced up swimmers bolted off their starting pads. Diving into the wavy pool of rippling liquid. Arms, legs, and bodies bracing against the dense material that resists passage. The shining ripples were beautiful, their movements were beautiful, and their contest against one another was beautiful.

Swimming. Kane always thought it was such a simple, straightforward contest. Just be faster, just be stronger. Just be better than the rest of the participants. But here now, among the crowd, among the athletes, among the people supporting the endeavors of a few young students raging against the friction of water. He saw that it wasn't the case.

The difficulty wasn't in the rules, or in the complexity of the task, or anything of the like. The difficulty lay within each and every one of those swimmers. Kane sat, among screaming family and cheering classmates, wondering what the collective number of hours of practice, of exercise, of dedication to their art was in the pool at the moment. He wondered if he's spent more or less time sketching. He smiled.

Cause among those warriors and thousands of minutes spent in preparation for this day, was one that he cared more for than the rest. One more beautiful from the rest, one more dedicated, powerful, and even relaxed than the rest.

Deacon the alligator, his boyfriend. He stood in the warmup zone, doing his breathing exercises, tail flicking left and right. Among aquatic mammals and amphibians, he was the only reptile. His olive green skin, his dense muscle, his scales, it all radiated strength. His intense eyes honing in not on prey, but a goal, an outcome. A certain future. He bounced from toe to toe, keeping the blood moving through his body. Of course, the image of a predator was completely ruined by his positively atrocious Speedo color.

Deacon could have chosen blue, or black, or a neutral white. But no, he wore red, again. Bright, vibrant, sports car red. And Kane loved it. The rhino chuckled to himself. Letting his eyes wander, drinking in the sight of his handsome boyfriend, his sexy boyfriend. The fine shape of his abs, his calves, his pecs, his biceps, ...his bulge. Everything he could see, everything Deacon chose to show off. Of course he had asked Deacon to wear them, awkwardly, shyly, but he still asked. The memory of how Deacon's eyes lit up and then smirked still played in his mind. Deacon hadn't agreed to it, choosing to instead simply shrug and say "we'll see" and drop the topic.

'What a tease.' the portly rhino thought, blushing as he shamelessly admired the gator's body. 'Classic Deacon.'

"Look! Look! There he is! It's Deacon."

"I see him! He's sexy as always! I love it when he wears the red ones!"

Kane sighed, 'Classic Deacon groupies.' Though, he admitted he was also one.

"He's so cute! Can you believe what he did last week?"

"No! I still don't believe it! Telling off Shelby! To her face! What an ass! But I was totally there, it was hot! His eyes were so wild, if only he looked at me that way..."

"He's been so different lately. I don't know what it is."

"I heard he's found someone. He's been telling people he's taken, and I think it's actually true this time."

"No!!!! Who???!! Please tell me it's not that bitch, Beverly!"

"That's the thing! No one knows, he hasn't told anyone and no one I've talked to has any idea.

"What!? That can't be, you know everything!

"I know! I even asked him, straight up, the other day. You know what he said to me."

"What?!"

"He said 'it's none of your business who I'm dating.'"

The other voice gasped, "He did not say that!"

"He did! I'm just saying, girl. Maybe you should move on."

"But he's so handsome, and funny, and strong. And I just.." Kane heard a groan, and he felt it in his soul. Knowing what it was like to pine after the man.

'I feel you, girl. But, sorry, he's mine!'

Kane still wasn't entirely sure what all went down last week, but the rumor mill has been flying off the handle. Deacon hadn't said much more than he took a step forward. Kane got the impression that he didn't want to talk about it, so the two left it at that.

Deacon still wasn't ready to tell everyone about them, and Kane was more than happy to keep their relationship to himself. Not that he had much reason to tell anyone. But hearing those two around him, there was an odd sense of pride. Some deep personal satisfaction. For better or worse, Deacon was telling people he's taken. Taken by Kane! That made him feel warm in his large gut.

'What would they think if I told them it's me?' the rhino wondered to himself as the next group of swimmers moved forward to the starting platforms. 'Probably wouldn't believe me.' And he was okay with that.

There was a lot of good energy in the crowd today, not that he could match it. Still, there were a lot of people, parents and students. They overwhelmed him with distractions and stimulation. A reminder that this was absolutely not his scene. But that's alright, the rhino wasn't here for himself. But for someone special.

"And in lane two, Captain of the Northwind High Swim Team, Deacon Galer!!" The announcer called over the loudspeakers.

Cheers erupted from the stands as Deacon readied himself. Kane smiled as the energy in support of his friend mounted. And none more so than the two alligators that sat in front of him.

"WOOOO!!! GO DEACON!! YOU GOT THIS, BABY!!" Clara shouted, trying to tie the collective volume of the many fans in the stand.

"YOU GOT THIS, D!! TAKE HOME THE GOLD, KICK THEIR TAILS!" Sal screamed, doing his best to match Clara's volume. Both of them were standing, and rather inconveniently blocking Kane's view, wearing more Northwind High gear than Kane has ever owned. Hands waving rather erratically, tails dangerously close to hitting Kane in the face. He chuckled at their antics, it wasn't in his nature to be that loud. But he was still here. In the sun, among many strangers, a few acquaintances, out of his element. All to support his friend, his boyfriend, his most truest companion. And he wasn't alone.

"Kane, come on. Stand up, cheer with us." Clara's motherly voice called his way.

"Uh. Oh, I, uh." The request came out of nowhere.

"Yeah, Kane. He'll be looking for you after he blows everyone else out of the water." Sal turned, looking quite energetic, and goofy. The backwards blue and silver baseball cap seemed out of place on his forty-something year old head, or maybe too in place?

'Or maybe Deacon's sense of humor is hereditary? And the skills of persuasion.'

The father and boyfriend met eyes. They looked so much like Deacon's to the rhino. And that included the silent method of stirring him to action. Ever since Deacon came out and told them about their new relationship, they've both been so supportive. The two or three times he's been over has been actually a little overbearing, not used to that level of parental attention, or much attention.

"Umm, alright.." he said, eyes flicking down, legs standing up. The Galer eyes affecting their uncanny power.

"Silence, please." The announcer called. An unnatural calm fell among the crowds, the stands, even the wind. Hundreds of pairs of eyes fell upon eight swimmers, standing stock still. Kane held his breath, internalizing that scene. Only the pool stirred, reflecting those beautiful ripples. Deacon wasn't more than a hundred feet away, but he also wasn't. There sat a winner. He just hasn't raced yet.

Legs cocked, tail rigid, eyes hard, strong, focused, powerful. Bang!

Eight contestants leaped. And Sal's, Clara's, and the crowd's cheering reignited at the sound of the gunshot. Eight athletes dove. Eight warriors fighting against the forces of friction in a contest of strength. With Deacon falling behind early.

Kane gasped, he jumped at the same time as everyone else! He hit the water with the best form as far as Kane knew. 'Why's he behind?! Could the others just be that much better than Deacon? That's impossible.'

"GOOO DEACON!!!! STROKE HARDER!!!"

"DON'T GIVE UP, D!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!"

Clara and Sal were bursting with more energy than the ten closest people together. Hoping with every atom that they could impart some strength into their son. Something Kane always considered incredibly foolhardy, but here in the moment again, he saw it.

He saw Deacon. Hand at a time, clawing for every inch, warring for every damn centimeter. And winning. Overtaking fifth, fourth, and even third by the time everyone reached the wall, halfway through a hundred meter sprint.

"Go." It was a sigh before a storm. Unconscious, inaudible, ineffective. Unnecessary. "Go."

Turns are odd in swimming. The pool is a set length, a stroke is a set distance, therefore simple math should tell you exactly how many strokes are necessary before the wall. The problem is that math can never handle the complexity of the real world.

Did you dive the same distance off the starting platforms? Did you keep accurate track of number of strokes? Did you maintain your pacing? Did the adrenaline of the race and your pounding heart confuse your eyesight of your goal?

Any great number of things could go wrong, a great number of things do go wrong, and you, the swimmer, need to make up the difference. The real versus the ideal. The war within and without.

Deacon made up the difference. With the next step, the next stroke, the next second. And a little sprinkle of anatomy. They don't call tails rudders for nothing. Having a heavy, muscled alligator appendage could easily be called a disadvantage, especially when compared to the sleek, smooth, hydrodynamic appendages of every other swimmer. But when you're going full tilt and need to quickly shift momentum, heavier prehensile tails have their uses. And when you've spent your life in the water as Deacon has, you develop an innate sense of balance, position, and bearing.

Spinning to pull up just as you make it to the wall, legs fully locked and loaded to thrust you back along your lane, all while trying to keep your sense of direction. Kane could only imagine what intense and immediate movement happened just below the surface, beyond his view standing up at the side of the pool. But he knew it would have made an amazing drawing.

And when they were all above water, Deacon was tied with second. Only two people left to beat and about fifty meters to do it in. "Go!" He called a little louder, invigorated by the display of tenacity and will. His own heart rising. "Go, Deacon!"

Fifty meters became forty, then thirty, and inch by inch Deacon's claws scored the water. Only a meter behind first place, victory still within reach despite the quickly diminishing length of pool.

"DON'T GIVE UP, DEACON!!"

"KEEP GOING, D!!!"

"YOU BETTER WIN, DUMBASS!! I DIDN'T COME OUT HERE TO WATCH YOU LOSE!!" Kane's voice reverberated in his own head, a power he didn't know he had, something he didn't believe in. But it called out to him, and he called out to Deacon. The gator who surely couldn't hear him. And yet he screamed. "SO SWIM HARDER, YOU IDIOT!!!"

"YEAH, YOU IDIOT!" Clara shouted.

"YEAH, IDIOT!" Sal added.

"WIN!!!"

Hundreds of people on the stands, hundreds of voices calling out their aid, hundreds of Anthros on their feet. Eight lanes, fifteen meters left, and only one swimmer left between him and victory. Deacon swam. Sprays of water dashed into the air, sprays of rainbows bordered his body.

'Beautiful..'

"GOOOO, DEACON!!!" He shouted hard enough to feel something pop in his neck. The shark in lane six flagged in speed, just enough, just a hair. Just enough for a stronger swimmer to overtake him. For Deacon to pull ahead, in the last five meters.

The crowd screamed. Clara and Sal screamed. Kane fell to his chair, feeling like he just swam a hundred meters in less than a minute. His chest pounded with excitement, his eyes alive. 'This is why I am not a swimmer.' Breathe in, breathe out.

"That's my baby, great job Deacon! Wooo!"

"Way to show them, D! You did great!"

'I can't keep up with them.' Kane admitted, 'Must be a Galer family thing. They're all incredible.'

The crowd around him slowly made their way back to their seats, residual clapping and shouting trickling down but never abating completely. Kane chuckled to himself. 'Everyone here's incredible.' And as they all sat, Kane saw him. Grinning like a kid on Christmas, reveling in his victory, fists high in the air. 'You're incredible too, Deacon.'

The showboating gator floated across the pool deck, waving at the adoring crowd, the students that were here to support him. And eventually, those eyes passed over to where his family still stood. Whooping and hollering with the best of them. Kane looked to the ground, too tired to stand. The world wavered in his vision, everything turning distorted and blurry. 'Dammit, am I actually crying right now? Is this how weak I still am?' He's been trying so hard lately, trying to come out of his shell, be strong for his friend, and he's here crying out of anger instead of showing his support. 'This isn't about me, you idiot! Stand up. Stand up, stand up!' he pounded his thigh. His fist thumped harder. 'Dammit.'

"Kane, that's enough of that." Kind words called to him in the darkness, the embrace about his raised hand halted his next hit.

"Yeah, come on, K. You did great."

'K? Who's that?'

"Let's dry those tears now, dearie." Kane followed the request, wiping his free hand across his brow, pinching across the bridge of his nose, the wetness traced across his fingers. Lingering like dew on grass in the morning. Two older gators met him when he finally opened his eyes, two people he's essentially known all his life. Shame burned red on his cheeks as he looked off to the side, wondering just how quickly he could get back to his car, be anywhere than here. Somewhere alone. 'I'm still a weakling.'

"Sorry..."

"Don't be sorry, we're proud of you."

"Yeah, K. You took home the gold today." Sal plopped a hand on his shoulder, giving him a rousing shake. Kane sniffled.

"What do you mean?"

"Deacon won cause your cheering, so you get the gold today."

"That's stupid, all I did was shout! He's the one in the race." The two looked at each other. Obviously overcome with the simple logic.

"Do you really think that?" A third voice called from behind their backs. The familiar tone made him gasp.

'No way!'

And there he was, leaning over the little fence that divided the stands from the pool side proper. Water still hadn't dried off his shoulders and face. His smile went from ear to ear, and he was still panting from his sprint.

"Deacon?!"

"Heya!" He looked so happy, positively vibrating with energy. Tail flicking with residual adrenaline. Full of vim and vigor, just like he always seemed to be. "Glad you were here to help me win!"

"But- but I didn't do anything, I couldn't even stay standing till the end."

"Whatcha mean? I only won cause I heard you shouting."

"BS! There's no way you heard me!"

"'I didn't come out here to watch you lose', 'you better win, dumbass', I heard it all." Kane's jaw hit the floor. Eyes went wide.

'No way! No fucking way!' he thought.

"I... how?" The grinning gator just shrugged. And then began laughing. Shoulders rolling, head thrown back.

"Who knows?!"

"No, no way.."

"Told you, K." Sal patted his shoulder again. Kane looked up at the other goofy looking male gator here. Backwards cap still ridiculous. "He came to see you right after he won."

"I, I see." The stunned rhino could only blink, and look between three gators who, despite his best efforts, seemed to care more about his well being despite them being here for Deacon.

"I also heard someone call me an 'idiot', now which one of you was that?" He glanced suspiciously between the three.

"I, I'd never do that!" Clara indignantly said. Kane was just happy that he wasn't the only one blushing anymore.

"She totally did." Sal fessed up, throwing his wife under the bus.

"Sal!" she smacked her husband across the arm. Her eyes wide with betrayal.

"You're right, dear, my apologies." He turned to his son. "Deacon, I also called you an idiot and I'm very sorry." Clara could only sigh and shake her head. Kane felt a sense of kinship as he smiled shyly at her distress. Maybe those pesky Galer genes only run through the men in the family. "And so did K here." The elder gator pulled his hat off and plopped it on Kane's head, giving the youth a soft noogie.

'Oh, I'm K. Duh.' He pulled the hat down fully on his head. Feeling a little stupid for not making the connection.

"Uh, yeah. I think I, uh, started it actually." Kane admitted while scratching his cheek.

"Wow! My family, I expected. But et tu, Kane? Truly it is but a cruel world." The delivery would rival great Shakespearian actors, the dramatic hand he swept to his forehead was classic Deacon.

"Hey, you still won, right?" Kane countered, bracing the smirk Deacon shot his way.

"Oh, I guess I did." He said it as if he was just reminded of his victory. "Well, if being an idiot helps me win, I guess that's all there is to it." Deacon's grin couldn't have gotten bigger. Kane felt himself matching it on his own face. "Alright, I gotta go cheer my team on! Y'all sticking around?"

"Unfortunately, I cannot. If I can get a couple things done today, I can actually take the weekend off. For once." Sal said, putting his hands together and praying silently to the heavens.

"The ladies and I are having a wine party at the house, and I need to prepare." Clara said, glancing at her watch on her wrist.

"Alright, well, I'm happy you were both here to watch me."

"Ohh, of course, sweetie. You did so well! I'm happy you won."

"Thanks, Mom!" They hugged over the chainlink fence. And Kane was so, so envious. He looked away from the scene, his feet becoming quite interesting to look at. And less emotionally distressing, 'That must be so nice.'

"And you, K. What's your plan?" Sal called, catching the rhino before he spiraled further into self-pity.

"Oh, I uh. I don't know. I don't think Deacon's in any more races, right?"

"Nope, I was... uh, subbed out this week on the relay."

"Oh, why?" Clara pulled back to look her son in the eye.

"Ah, well, just." He looked away, and Kane saw the hesitation, and apparently so did Clara.

"Well, I'm sure your coach has his reasons."

"Yeah, well. After today I'm sure it's all cleared up."

"Just in time for state."

"You know it!"

"Alright, D. I gotta get going, sooner I start, sooner I'm done."

"I understand. Thanks for coming, Pop!"

"Good work today, D. Make sure you go celebrate tonight."

"Just not at the house." Clara added.

"I know, I know." The teen said while rolling his eyes. She hummed before turning to Kane and reached out her hands. Kane flinched back, heart skipping a beat or two. 'I, me? Here, in public.'

"Come here, sweetie." Kane was slow to stand, but stand he did. Clara wasn't that much shorter than Deacon, but she was so much softer. She hummed him as she squeezed around his back, planting a little kiss on his cheek. He was caught between wanting to hold her forever and letting go before he got too emotional about it. "Thanks for coming." She whispered in his ear.

"Thank you for... well, thank you, Mrs. Galer." She shook her head a little.

"Kane. Call me Clara. We're practically family after all."

"Right. C-, Clara." The name felt odd in his mouth, but nice in his heart.

"Good work today, K. We'll see you next time, right?" Sal said, stepping around Kane after his wife who turned to head for her car. The elder gator winked at the rhino, silently passing similar feelings his way.

"Sure, of course. Um.. Sal." He nodded. Kane rubbed his head as the two walked off. The hat wiggled on his head, reminding him it was there. "Oh! Wait, your hat!" He held it out to him.

"Keep it! It looks good on you." Sal responded without turning around, passing a wave his way. Kane pulled the brim low on his head, eyes squinting shut hard.

'Keep it together, Kane. You're still in public.'

"You okay, dude?" Deacon called his way. Legitimately caring about the rhino's well being which never seems to fail getting rocked after attending Deacon's swim meets.

"Yeah, just... fine." He choked out. Teeth gritting as intense feelings coursed through his system.

"I don't think I have to tell you, but they really like you."

"Yeah, I know."

"Hmm, will you stick around till I'm done? Maybe come out with the girls and me?"

Kane could only nod, not trusting his voice.

"Do you want to wait at your car?" Another nod. "I'll text you when I'm done, alright?" Kane was already moving.

......

He held the hat in his hands, thumbing over the seams and logo. Doing his best to just keep breathing, just keep it calm. Just letting the emotion seep slowly away, except it kept coming back in and out, like the tide. Pulling and pushing at the sands of his lone island. An island that keeps growing, ever growing after every wave. Sometimes, he's finding, where he least expects it.

'Clara, Sal. Thank you...'

He pulled the hat on his head, and checked it out in his rearview mirror. It seemed to fit right around his ears, almost like it was made for his head size. He looked odd though, not used to wearing hats or worrying how he looks in things. But he decided to wear it anyway. Sal said it looked good on him, silly compliment or a serious one, he made his decision.

He also made another one. He rooted around in his pocket, pulling out his well worn wallet. 'Should really buy a new one.' he commented as he pulled it open. From behind his ID he pulled out a folded scrap of notebook paper. It was creased and crinkly from being handled so many times, which wasn't normal after only being a week old.

This paper meant a lot to him, and despite only being in his life for a week, it gave him a lot of comfort in recent times. Times like now, when he needed a reminder, when he was weak, but not alone. Not anymore. Delicately, like handling precious glass, he slid it apart. Fold after fold it doubled in size. Slowly revealing a web, a collection of names and connections, people that he wanted to remind himself were here for him and he would be here for.

The obvious one was there, Deacon, a source of great joy and strength as well as a share of humor and irritation at his expense. The other two initial nodes of Shirley and Tiffany formed their triangle around his core. Graphite lines smudged and worn from times spent tracing along with his finger, recalling the reasons he drew them together. But in that week, he's added a few more. He added his coworker, Gale, further away. Their node marked as "baristas". And Able, his brother. Kane did not know where to put that one. Close, far? Their line was dashed, tenuous, uncertain, but still there. It wasn't going anywhere either, Kane wanted to make sure of that.

Kane sighed and looked out the window, setting sun coloring the sky in gorgeous hues. Everytime he looked at this web, this sequence of points in his life, he thought about each one. That was this object's job afterall, to remind him that he wasn't alone. 'I doubt anyone else in the world uses a list of their loved ones to remind themselves of what's important.' He laughed at himself. 'Deep breath, Kane. You're doing okay. You're making it through, that's what matters.'

And he had been, he had been making it through. A lot better than he had just a month ago. 'God! A month? Is that all?' He chuckled to the empty car.

A month ago, he was alone. A month ago he was shy, anxious, awkward, scared, and lonely. Here now he's still shy, anxious, awkward, and scared. But he's not alone anymore, he's not as lonely anymore. His island keeps growing, wave after wave. And he pulled out this page cause he had another couple names to add.

He pulled a pencil from his center console, a collection of mechanical and wooden writing utensils that the artist collects like loose change.

"Sal and Clara" he spoke aloud as he wrote their names, using his thigh as his writing surface. He took care not to puncture his precious page as he wrote. He placed them near Deacon's name, he wrote parents as he traced one line between the three names. He sighed out before tracing a connection to himself. The mark was shaky, the most uncertain line he's drawn in years. He closed his eyes, taking a moment to breathe.

"Family." He spoke to no one but himself. The line was marked as such. "Family," he said again. It tasted bittersweet. "My family."

He laughed, "Yeah, that sounds nice." A sharp rap on his passenger window shocked him out of his pondering. His head bonked into the window next to head as he jumped. With a groan he gripped the area where pain was welling up. The rhino turned to see who the hell decided to so rudely intrude on his alone time. The groan Kane emitted was earthshaking. And Deacon's shit eating grin was... well, shit eating.

He unlocked the door so his boyfriend could hop in with him, face plainly showing his irritation. He was silent as he sat into the seat, creaking as the car shifted a bit under the weight. Kane quietly folded his paper before slipping it back into his wallet, some secrets he wanted to keep to himself. The gator was silent, and Kane took a moment to reset.

There was comfort in the silence between them, and for Kane, anyone he could be silent with meant the world. Someone who just sat there, someone who could he just exist with. No inherent need to fill the space. Still when he extended a hand, Kane reached over to hold it in his own. Their fingers melted together, skin sliding across each other.

"Hey..." Deacon started, "Thought you could use a check up."

"You done in there?" Kane asked, nodding towards the pool still in view.

"Yep. Didn't you get my text?"

"No.. Did you text me?"

"Pretty sure I did." Kane pulled his phone out, seeing he did, indeed, have a text.

"Sorry, must of missed it." The gator shrugged.

"That's fine, dude." Kane finally put it together that he had his clothes on, bag on his back. "Hey, guess what?"

"Hmm?" Kane said, turning to look the gator in the face.

"Love you!" he said with a wink. Cheeks stretched to accommodate his smile. His wonderful smile, one that Kane used to, and still, lives for.

"Dummy." Kane responded.

"Actually, If I recall, I'm a dumbass or an idiot, or both, right?." Kane shook his head, Deacon's signature chuckle filling the space.

"You know I didn't-"

"Dude, I'm just messing with you."

"Oh, of course. Should add clown to that list too."

"Ooh, think I'd look good in the makeup and wig?" He pulled his other hand to his chin, as if he could convince the rhino he was seriously considering it.

"Nah. Your face is already goofy enough. Honestly, you could step on stage and have crowds laugh at you."

Deacon laughed, Kane chuckled.

"Well, cheering crowds are nice, but, you know," he looked side-eyed at the rhino, "hearing you laugh, that means everything to me."

'Damn idiot.' he cursed internally as he looked down in smitten joy, his face's signature blush spilling up and around.

"That blush is a pretty good perk too." Kane went to pull his hand away, at least pretend that he was annoyed, pretend that he didn't love the way the gator made him feel. A second scaled hand pulled him back, refusing to let him go. Kane turned to look his boyfriend in the eyes. 'How can you smile so easily, Deacon? Even after a month, I'm nowhere near you.'

Deacon pulled his hand to his lips, kissing the rhino's gray fingers, a wordless apology.

'Nowhere near you yet.' Kane resolved.

"So where are we going?" the rhino asked.

"You sure you're up for it?"

"You don't have to worry about me." He said. 'I'm stronger than before.' He thought.

"To Roasta Rica then. The girls will meet us there. And my friend, Blue."

"Sounds good." He said as he turned the key in the ignition.

......

Deacon was second guessing whether he should have only bought a large tea instead of the extra large but by the time it was placed on the counter, poured, fogging along the sides, and just starting to sweat, he was convinced. The equally large and frothy chai tea he ordered for Kane was placed next to his drink soon after. With a scoop at the straws, he traversed the cafe, back to where his friends waited. All their drinks in hand as they had arrived earlier than the couple.

Shirley, Tiffany, Blue, and Kane all sitting. And with a grin, Deacon noticed that the rhino was in a rather enthusiastic discussion with Blue about the finer points of something. The new hat was perched a tad awkwardly upon his head.

"Wait, so there's two anime with the same name?" Blue asked, eyebrows scrunched in mild confusion but body language curious.

"Well, uh, sort of. There's Fullmetal Alchemice and Fullmetal Alchemice: Brotherhood. They're from the same source material but ultimately different stories." Kane responded. Deacon made note of the way his face lit up as he talked about one of his passions. Not that the gator would ever understand anime himself.

"So, why have two different stories, you said they're based on the same book?"

"Manga. And yes, it's the same."

"Now I'm more confused."

"Well, the first one, the anime without the 'brotherhood', came out while the manga was still being published. So they needed to come up with a storyline that wrapped everything back up. It's a totally different ending from the original source material despite the similar premise. And the second one came out years later so the manga was complete and is a more faithful adaptation."

"Hey, nerd! Here's your drink!" Deacon called out at the lull in the explanation. Kane jumped a little bit, almost like he had forgotten that anyone else was there.

"Oh, thank you." He said as he pulled the cup towards himself. Deacon bit down on his own straw as he sipped. The sweet nectar was delicious as always.

"Wild." Was all Blue could say.

"Careful, Blue. Fall into the rabbit hole of anime and you'll never get out again." Deacon joked, nudging Kane's arm with his own. Kane just nudged back.

"Just cause you don't appreciate fine media like Kane and me doesn't mean you can look down on us." Tiffany called from across the table.

"Yeah!" Kane seconded.

"Tiffany. If fine media includes constant screaming, aggressive fan service, and," the gator faux shuddered, "reading subtitles, then so is K-Pop."

Shirley, upon hearing Deacon's dig, thumped her phone on the table. "Deacon, as a friendly courtesy, I'm going to give you one chance to retract that statement."

"What? I'm just equating two highly acclaimed and much beloved forms of Asian creative mediums. Shouldn't everyone here be in agreement?" The irony sang from his lips, and three pairs of eyes pressed him. He reveled in it. Meeting stares with flashing teeth.

"Deacon, I think the only thing we agree on right now is your lack of taste." Tiffany snarked. Deacon loudly slurped his tea before smacking his lips.

"Hmm, sugar, lemon, raspberry, tea. No, no, my sense of taste is fine, but I more than appreciate your concern, Tif. Shows you care." He winked her way. Her eye roll probably made her dizzy. Kane chuckled lightly at his side.

"Got something to add, Chuckles?" The penguin turned to him. Stern brow and eyes.

"Oh, uhh, oh, I just, I have a lot of fun.. with you all... sorry." He looked down.

"Fun? With this joker? Mmm-mm. Maybe we need to question your tastes, Kane, baby. You can definitely do better." She patted his hand across the table.

"Woooow! I didn't deserve that!" The gator protested, looking to Shirley for support, finding none.

"You mocked K-Pop. You're dead to me." She said with squinted eyes. The targeted youth collapsed into the back of his chair, becoming acquainted with the ceiling. Still smiling all the while.

"Wait?" Blue's question cut through to Deacon's core. 'Oh, shit.' He had gotten so wrapped up in poking the bears that he absolutely forgot about the manatee. His back tensed up. 'Crap, crap, crap!'

He shot up, back straight, neck tense. His eyes couldn't look at anyone, feeling very exposed. Shirley and Tiffany knowing about his relationship with Kane was a given, Blue still didn't know any specifics. He gripped the table, struggling to keep calm and breathe. 'It's okay, I can deal with this. I just need to- I just gotta-'

A small presence settled on his knee, just a light pat. A jolt to his overclocking brain, a slip of the gears and back into idling. A ripple that settled a squall.

He squeezed Kane's hand back, safe from eyes under the table. 'Thank God for you, Kane.'

"So which anime is better then?" Four people turned, trying to understand just where that question came from.

"What?" Deacon asked. Blue and him met eyes, not a lick of accusation sat there. Not that he believed the manatee didn't just put everything together. How could he not?

"That Full Body thing. Which anime is better?"

"Uh, oh, uh." Deacon looked to Kane, needing someone else to take over this question.

"Oh! Um, I guess. I'd say they both have their merits, I like things about both of them."

"Kane, please." Tiffany responded. Kane tapped on the table a little.

"Alright, the consensus is that Brotherhood is superior." He looked back to Tiffany. "Not that that means I'm wrong that the original has merit."

"Alright, sweetie. Now I'm convinced your sense of taste needs some work." Kane sipped his chai.

"Cinnamon, cloves, cardamom, milk. Actually, I think I'm good too. But thanks, Tiffany!"

Three oohs sounded. Deacon felt a wellspring of pride come from his core. 'You tell her, Kane.' Tiffany, for what it's worth, raised her eyebrows, acknowledged it for what it was with a nod. The gator still felt the way his hand tensed up, probably feeling a little exposed. Kane's not one to be so confrontational, or so brave.

"Alright, Kane. Cause I like you, I'll let that one go. You, though," She poked a finger Deacon's way, "you're on thin ice. Hear me. Corrupt this cinnamon roll further and we'll be having words." Deacon for once didn't have a response, just a shrug and a feeling of harmony settling within him. Everyone chuckled. And in the calm that settled Deacon eyed Blue, his co-captain. There was a slight nod from the manatee, an acknowledgement, agreement, understanding, and more, acceptance. 'I hear ya.'

Deacon nodded back, 'Thanks, man.'

Somehow, his tea tasted even sweeter as he drank it.

"Um, excuse me, Deacon?" He coughed a bit on the sip he was taking, startled by someone from behind him, calling him out like that. Suddenly he became very aware that there were more than just the five of them in this cafe. The pleasant aura of noise suddenly became a harsh reminder. The everyone and everything else in the world was still there. He covered up the last of his fit as he turned to address the newcomer.

She was a calico cat, fur patterns that probably never appeared static. Her tail sure didn't as it agitatedly swung and flew behind her. She kept glancing behind her at another table. Her body language was the same as Kane's, shoulders hunched, hands in front of her body, eyes down cast. Clearly out of her comfort zone. Deacon could hazard a guess what she wanted. 'Oh, great.' But he put a kind face on, used to dealing with people with social anxiety. And coming up to talk to him.

"Hello! How can I help you?" Keeping it light.

"I was at your race today. You did really well." He smiled, still enjoying the compliments.

"Well, thank you! It was a close one. I hope you were cheering us on and not the other team!" The gator joked. Humor, he's found, is useful at putting others at ease, and himself. 'Stay cool, Galer.' It worked as the newcomer giggled a little, stood a little taller.

"Well, yeah! I also go to Northwind, but um.. I guess you might be wondering why I came over here." There was a tensing of his hand, Kane gripping tightly to their bond. Deacon decided to not say anything, but he gave the rhino two squeezes back. 'I hear ya, dude. This sucks for me too.''

"So, umm, I guess I'll just come out and ask. Um, are you doing anything later or tomorrow? And would you like to see a movie or something?" The way she braced herself, you could almost imagine she was asking for Deacon's left kidney or something.

Deacon has seen a lot of people ask him out, usually they're all very confident individuals. Or they just text him after getting his number from who knows where. This cat though, she had guts. As a friend of Kane's, the gator knew exactly what it's like to stand up in front of strangers. And to watch her try her best, to step up in such a vulnerable way. It made Deacon's heart go out to her, and made him dread exactly what he needed to do next. 'It's not personal.' He reminded himself. 'This is just what I need to do.'

"I appreciate the offer, but no. You're just not my type and I'm seeing someone already." He tried to let her down easy, but he always found this hard. After his outburst last week, he needed to be consistent, not slide back on what he wanted. And lying here in front of Kane, he'd never let himself sink that low. "Sorry." She was immediately crestfallen, just like he imagined Kane would, a balloon that when opened begins to leak and shrink.

"Oh, I see. S-, sorry."

"Hey though, good on you for asking. I'm sure you'll find someone who says yes as long as you keep your head up." He hoped it wouldn't come across as pity, the way he said it. He didn't pity her, she tried to move forward, take a step. Deacon applauded her. Hopefully she'll find what it takes to take another one. Hopefully towards someone willing to reciprocate her feelings. Someone like his Kane, who he thumbed under the table, hoping to absorb some of the rhino's courage for himself.

"Ah, thank you. Umm though, I did have another question. Maybe, if you were willing to answer."

"I'll at least hear it."

"Umm, what is your type?"

'What a silly question.' He immediately thought. Wondering why she'd be curious. In the pause, he turned to look at his companions, his flotilla of friends that have been supporting him for much longer than he had realized. He shifted from one to the other, Shirley on her phone but clearly interested in the conversation before her. Tiffany on her phone and clearly uninterested in what was happening around her. Blue seemed invested in the conversation as an observer, quickly looking away when the gator and he briefly met eyes, failing to be nonchalant about it.

And that left Kane, his neck bent, eyes wandering the table, doing his best to probably appear very tiny despite being the largest Anthro here. Looking so soft and humble. Deacon would have loved to reach out and kiss him, show him off as the wonderful rhino he is. But that's not Kane, he doesn't want the spotlight. But Deacon did, and he wanted, no, needed to stand there with Kane. So he did what he wanted, damning the consequences.

Kane eyes bolted open as their hands were pulled from under the table, with a mild amount of consideration stopped just at the cusp, just before it would be visible. Just enough time to give his boyfriend a chance to consider. His wonderful boyfriend who looked out of the corner of his eye, and in the briefest of moments where they side-eyed each other communicating more than could be adequately said. Deacon winked and, taking the ensuing eye roll as a sign of consent, brought out their hands in quick succession.

"Men." He said cheerfully to the cat. The look on her face was priceless, the way her eyes flashed between Deacon, Kane, and their holding hands. Clearly expected any number of other answers.

"Uh. Oh. Oh! Uh, I see. I, um, didn't know." She laughed, clearly nervous. Deacon chuckled with her, smiling to hopefully put her at ease.

"Please don't beat yourself up too much, I didn't know till recently myself either."

"Ah, that's, uh, I see. Good- good for you. I'll leave now." She made a hasty retreat back to who was probably her companion at another table. Deacon turned back to look at his friends, his loved ones. Many wide eyes beheld him as he set his and Kane's hand openly on the table. Feeling very proud of himself.

"I- Deacon?" Shirley was the first to speak.

"Yes?"

"You-," She stopped clearly trying to find the right words to say, hands fumbling in the air. Blue was nodding in respect. Tiffany was still on her phone, but the raised eyebrows and lack of a swiping thumb told him everything.

"What?"

"Shirley, I don't think there's anything to say." Kane piped up. Deacon turned to grin at his boyfriend. "Not that he'd listen to you anyway. There's not a thought behind his eyes."

"First of all, rude. Second of all, I have many thoughts. Most of them are about you." He leaned in against his arm, nudging him affectionately.

"Gross. Get a room, you two." Tiffany spoke up, putting her phone away.

"Oh, Tiffany. Jealous?" He countered, not expecting the way she seriously considered the question. The brief flash of something in her face. Kane giggled nervously.

"Hmm, no. You're much too much. Kane still deserves better." Deacon smiled, all before resting his head on Kane's shoulder.

"Well, then I'll just have to work on getting better."

"Aww.." Shirley sighed. Tiffany snorted, but smiled. Kane just placed his other hand on top of the pile of fingers they had already made on the table.

"Deacon." The gator turned to the manatee, his deep voice clear. "I'm proud of you."

There was a settling of energy around the table, a shift as the aura calmed. As nice as it is to joke and pass through life with a smile on his face, Deacon felt the compliment recompose him. It passed deep through his walls, catching at his core, the Deacon he really wanted to be. He was working to be. 'Proud, of me?' He asked himself. 'Do I feel proud?'

He thought of all he still had to work on, all the issues he needed to fix, all the things he still wanted to do. All the shit he had to make up for, all the wrongs to fix after years of lying. Lying to himself and others.

"Oh, and you, Kane. I may not know you too well, but you seem like a good guy too."

"Thank you, Blue. I'm sure you're a good guy as well." Deacon could taste the sincerity. The ease he accepted praise, and stillness he embodied. The gator's leg was incessantly tapping on the ground. Actually it had been since he pulled Kane's hand up from under the table. The only proof that he was actually freaked out. Scared of the steps he's taken on this path, as sure as he was to take them, as much as he willed it in his bones, as hard as he's moving forward. And yet, Kane was as cool as he could be, so sure of himself that he doesn't care if he was just outed to a number of people. And Deacon could only be amazed.

'You're right, Tiffany. Kane does deserves better. And I'll be damned if I stop here.'

The gator sat up silently, proudly, as he reached for his drink. The tan liquid swirled as he sipped it up, this time it tasted less sweet. But just as delicious.

......

Eventually, the night had to end. The group slowly trickled away. Blue left first. Tiffany and Shirley went together. And that left the two of them, just them in the cafe. Drinks finished and time spent, the crisp cool autumn air greeted them as they exited Roasta Rica. The two were laughing and joking as they have for years. The stars blazed their ethereal light upon the night and Deacon regretted forgetting his jacket, streetlamps glowed amber in the late twilight.

The two were resting upon Kane's car, frigid metal seeping what was left of Deacon's body heat. One of the facts of life for a reptile. Fortunately, Kane was such a kind and considerate individual.

"Cold?"

"Yeah, I hadn't planned to be out this late."

"Wanna borrow mine?" The rhino offered, thumbing at his zipper.

"You don't have to, dude. I can tough it out." Kane was already pulling his arms through his sleaves. Deacon stared at the offered article of clothing. "Literally offering me the clothes off his back, could he be any more of a gentleman?"

Kane rolled his eyes, "If you're going to tease me, I'll just keep it." Deacon had to quickly grab the rescinded jacket lest he suffer more the cold weather.

"No, wait! I'm sorry. I'll take it." The rhino tossed it his way.

"Dummy, could have just said so in the first place."

"But then I wouldn't have seen the look on your face." Thrusting his arms in.

"You know, you don't have to be such a tough guy around me."

"What are you talking about? I'm fine. Especially now I have my boyfriend's jacket on." The couple of sizes too big, thick fabric hoodie tickled against his scales, warm from the heat of life and love from his boyfriend. He was feeling cozy already.

"Deacon..."

"Hmm?"

Kane looked at him. His kind eyes met Deacon's. Amber lights reflecting in his irises, but the brim of his hat cast him in soft shadows. Even in the dim, Deacon could see it. A nagging worry that only someone like Kane could clue in on. The gator sighed, turning look down at the gravel scattering across the parking lot.

"Are you alright? That was big what you did in there." The rhino asked, cutting to the quick, to the heart of the matter. Deacon let his smile droop, the mask he instinctively wore falling with it.

'When did I even put it on?' he asked himself, 'And better yet, how did Kane even see through it?' Deacon realized what a silly question that was, Kane was just like that. And the only one that he felt he could truly relax around. See the cracks that scored his face.

"I, I don't know, dude. I feel just so... anxious, I guess. I don't know what's gonna happen now. And I'm trying hard not to think about it."

"Yeah. I know a thing or two about being anxious."

"Ah, I'm sorry, dude, but you were incredible in there. Are you doing alright?" He elbowed Kane's side.

"I'm just happy it's just us again. Our friends are... a handful sometimes."

"'Our friends'? I don't think I've heard you talk about them like that. That's huge, dude!"

"Heh, thanks. But you're dodging the question. Really, you can talk to me. I'm here for you, man."

Deacon breathed in cold air, the striking ice constricting his lungs. Fog exhaled from him. 'The weather is turning so quickly.'

"Kane, do you ever get scared of the future?"

The stream of air that spawned from his mouth passed a foot ahead and contained a lifetime of fret. "Deacon, you're talking to the guy who's worried about how to ask you for a goodbye kiss." The gator chucked. "Yeah, I worry. A lot."

"Yeah, sorry. That was a silly question."

"You worried? About that girl?"

"It feels like, I don't know what's going to happen next. I guess I never have, but now it feels like there's too much possibilities. She tells everyone, she tells no one, I tell everyone, so many ways it could go. Back, you know, before, I was just okay with it. Knowing that the next time, I'd just lie and move on." He turned to look up at the stars. "I didn't care enough about myself to care about crap like that. Now, I can't help but care about crap like this. Yeah, I'm worried."

Kane was silent at his side, turning to contemplate the universe with him. Cars passed along the road, the gentle whirrs of their engines adding to the ambiance of being here. A wind rustled high in the trees of the park across the way, leaves of fall colors saturated with amber streetlights fell as a gentle snow to the ground.

"But, you know," The gator started, leaning to the side to rest his head upon his boyfriend's shoulder. "I don't regret a damn thing, getting here, caring about myself, ... having you." That last one he said softly, still getting used to the concept, having Kane for himself. "But it's hard, all this caring, I'm not good at it. Not like you."

The rhino shook his head and chuckled. "Deacon, I'm no better. I just, just try my hardest and hope for the best."

"Oh, come on! You're doing great! Having a whole ass conversation with Blue, teasing Tiffany, consoling Shirley. The Kane I knew a month ago wouldn't have done all that."

"Implying that you're not?" He turned to stare Deacon down, eyes still bright. "The Deacon I knew a month ago wouldn't have told me that he's worried about the future. He would have laughed it off with a joke and a shrug. Bottled it up till he's shaking on the hallway floor." Deacon flicked his eyes to the side, recalling one of his lowest moments. A catalyst for everything that came after, even this moment here. "So, take it from me, you know, your boyfriend. You're doing great too." Kane bumped him with his body, strong enough that the gator needed to take a step to regain his balance. Only to collapse back into him, burying his head into Kane's mass, grip him as close as he could, hard enough to never let go. The arms that held him back were just as strong.

'I'm not going to cry this time.' He promised himself. 'I'm not...'

"Yeah, I'm pretty great, aren't I?" The sound was muffled by the face full of chest in his face, but he could just picture the eyeroll Kane did so vividly.

"Yep, there it is." Kane said with a scoff.

"Sorry, I'm working on it. I just, you know." Deacon squeezed Kane all the tighter, mind running amok with worry.

"Yeah, I know who you are, Deacon. I doubt some things will ever change." He wiggled his head up, getting a great view of Kane's chin.

"Yeah, not a thought behind these eyes." The gator grinned.

"Except the ones about me, right?"

"Oh, yeah! There's at least..." He shook his head left and right in fake contemplation, "two. Maybe three? Two-and-a-half at least."

"You dumbass."

'That smile, Kane. Please never lose it.' The gator pleaded internally as his companion just beamed like the stars behind him. He did have a few thoughts in his mind, ones that he knew he needed to get out now, before this moment ends. 'Come on, Galer. You can do it!'

"Kane?" The rhino looked down at him as best he could.

"Yeah?"

"I'll never lie to you, I promise. I'm still trying, you know, to get better at speaking my mind, so I'm probably gonna suck at it for a while. But, I don't want to ever lie to you. But you gotta promise not to lie to me either." Kane sat there in silence for a moment or two, Deacon watched him try to process through what he just said. "Sorry, that was a little too deep."

"No, no, it's fine. You're fine. I, just, was expecting another joke. Sorry."

"Yeah..." Deacon planted his head back in Kane's chest, being hit with the consequences of his actions from the last forever. 'At least Kane always smells the same.' He thought as he breathed in his scent. 'Or is that from the jacket?'

"Hey... Deacon, it's okay. I'm here for you." Deacon felt soft kisses on his scalp, triggering little tingles. "I promise to never lie to you, and even then you don't have to tell me everything either, don't feel like you have to. Whatever happens, I'm here for you. That will never change, got it?"

"I'll be here for you too, no matter what. I swear it." Deacon shook his head, heart thumping strong with his conviction. Their bestowing more courage upon his soul then he's ever felt before.

"I know, dude. Thank you."

Deacon sat cradled by strong arms, by a kind soul, on a cold night where he felt nothing but warmth. Cars passed, leaves fell, and wind blew, but here in Kane's arms, no time passed. Here he felt he could stay forever and not lose a thing, cause here in these arms he had everything. He had Kane, and that would always be enough. However, even satisfied he may be, certain realities were unavoidable. The broad rhino shivered, arms vibrating against Deacon's slim form, losing the war to keep the cold from the gator's scales. Deacon smiled.

"Cold?"

"Yeah, I had to give someone my jacket, and he didn't even thank me for it." Deacon snickered, happy knowing that he isn't the only one that jokes during heartfelt moments.

"What an asshole. Totally taking advantage of you."

"Yeah, he's a dummy. But I love him, so it's alright."

"Ohhh, well, I bet he loooooves you too." He drew out the words, accenting his sentence with a squeeze. Kane hummed back, Deacon feeling the vibration across his frame.

"Yeah, I'm nuts about him. He drives me crazy."

"Oooh, tell me more."

"Well he's goofy, and silly, and he always makes fun of me.

"Yeah, yeah..."

"He's an amazing swimmer, he never gives up even when he falls behind.

"Uh-huh."

"He's kind, and always takes time to make sure I'm okay."

"How sweet.."

"And I want nothing more than to kiss him if he would get his head out of my chest and look at me." Deacon complied with the implicit request, cheeks hurting from how wide his grin was, turning his head skyward, towards his Kane. Even under the hat, his eyes were like the stars beyond his head.

'Beautiful...' he thought, wishing he had the artistic skills to recreate it like the rhino did. He perhaps finally understood, in part, what Kane saw in the world.

"Well, I won't stop you." He finally answered. Kane stooped lower, eyes slipping shut. Deacon followed suit, mentally preparing for the onslaught. The touch was gentle, much like the soul that started it. The heat seeped into Deacon from his lips to the tip of his tail, consuming the rest of the mild chill that still lingered across his body. Large paws brought him closer, pulling him up on the tips of his toes. It certainly didn't last long, but it certainly was satisfying. The buzz the remained upon his lips, hopefully that never ceased.

"I think we've gotten better at that." Deacon remarked as he was set back flat on the ground.

"Well, practice helps." Kane responded.

"So we'll just get better and better than, right?"

"Hope so." He shivered again.

"Oh, God, dude. You're still freezing."

"It's fine.."

"Dude, come on! Let's get going then, get you warmed up." The gator pulled away from those arms and walked around to the other side of his car, noticing that his cheeks felt quite flushed. Kane sighed and shook his head.

"Alright, alright. Where are we going?"

"Wanna come back to my place? I'm sure my Mom's thing is done."

"Yeah, alright."

"We can watch out that Fullmetal thing. I want to see what all the hype is about."

"Wait, really!?" He even stopped fishing for his keys from his pocket. Deacon laughed internally.

"Just an episode or two, I doubt I'll stomach any more than that." With renewed vigour Kane opened the car, settling into the driver seat, actually forgetting to let Deacon in for a moment in blind joy. He immediately launched into a rather passionate and thorough discussion about how Deacon would love the main character and the intricacies of the design philosophies of the "transmutation circles", whatever those were. Deacon just nodded and hummed along, not quite regretting his rash decision but certainly already wary of what the future held for him tonight.

'Well, if it's with Kane, I'll be fine.' He thought as he pulled the rhino's jacket closer around him. He sideeyed his boyfriend, his companion, his best mate. He didn't stop talking the entire drive, wearing Deacon's patience quite thin. But he sucked it up, letting Kane have his fun sharing his interests.

'But if he thinks I'm not playing with his belly the whole time, he's crazy.'

*Finis*

......

Afterward:

Hey all, Ryuji5 here. Thanks for reading Testing the Waters! I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! A story of Growing Up, Coming Out, and Moving Forward. I still can't believe how well my writing has improved in just the eight months since I posted the first chapter. Just wild! I've fallen in love with these characters and their struggles with and against themselves and others. I could talk for ours about the intentional symbolism and imagery and characterization, but I decided I needed to let the art stand on its own. Let the reader create their own meaning.

Looking forward, i want to return to longer form chapter based stories like this. I have so many thoughts in my head about what I want to write and I cannot wait! But honestly, I'd like to put a lot more thought into the overall narrative of a tale before haphazardly trying to think up stuff out of the blue, chapter by chapter as I did here. It has its charms but it also suffers for it as well. Regardless, for today, for now, I'm going to shelve Deacon and Kane. Stop them from plaguing my thoughts and dreams and let them go free, sail into their unwritten future.

Whatever comes next, I hope you enjoy it with me!