FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It had only been a few weeks since Jesse and I first started dating. We didn't have as much time as I would like to actually hangout properly, due to her job. It was always either at the end of the day when she was already tired, or on the weekends, which didn't exactly come very often. That led back into the conundrum of me, sitting around, not having anything to do. So with nothing else to take my time, I decided to go out to do something I don't do very often: clothes shopping.

The HPA did provide their own clothes for me, but they all consisted of basic t-shirts and pants. Now that wouldn't be a problem, if it weren't for the fact the pants were all skinny jeans, and I fucking hate skinny jeans more than anything.

Even raisins.

And so I made my way to the nearby HPA office, where they had someone who specialized in human clothing. The only reason I didn't go to a normal clothes shop was because hyena pants had the specifically-human inconvenience of having a hole in the back. Which of course, was for their tails.

I found that out the hard way.

Luckily, Sam came to the rescue and told me where I could get some new ones. And the guy doing my clothes was a fellow human, which I supposed was a good thing. I mean, who better else to fit human clothes than another human?

Let's just say we had some… conflicting senses of fashion.

“What the fuck, Greg."

What? It'd look so pretty on you!"

I stared at the monstrosity that he presented. The colorful mix of clothing was a first degree assault to my eyes. The setup itself wasn't out of the ordinary, being a pair of shorts and tank top, yet he somehow found a way to make it look more gay than it should, most likely with the addition of a neckerchief-scarf… thing.

“Look, I just want some new pants. Not… whatever this is."

“But that's boring. Don't you wanna spazz up your life a little?"

I crossed my arms. “I'm not wearin' that shit."

“Heh, all right, all right. How about you take a look and see if you can find something you like?"

The blondie had quite the impressive workshop. Judging by the vast selection of apparel, he must have been popular with a lot of human customers. It was pure luck that I just so happened to live near him.

It didn't take long for something to catch my eye. “How about this?"

I pulled out a nice-looking pair of blue jeans. They were loose, comfortable, and just what I needed. What could possibly be wrong with them?

“...Are you sure? That one's for women."

Shit.

I looked at the pair more closely, shrugging it off. “Whatever. At Least these won't be so tight on my ass."

He smirked. “Really? But you gotta show off your assets somehow."

Assets? Is that why they were so skinny? The fuck, HPA.

“That's nice and all, but I would really like to wear something that isn't constricting my balls like a burmese python. And these pants are perfect.

He stared at me incredulously before chuckling lowly. “Okay, then. You know what they say, 'The customer is always right'."

As I was about to give them a try, I realized that it might be worth it to have another look through what other stuff Greg might have in store. Admittedly, he was right in that I needed to spazz up my life. I'm sure Jesse would also approve of me expressing myself some more.

I snagged a beanie and red plaid button up, finishing off with some black-and-white canvas sneakers. Satisfied with my appearance, I stepped out of the changing booth.

“How do I look?" I added a little twirl for effect.

He took a moment before responding. “Like a gal."

My whole body deflated. “Thanks for the vote of confidence."

He scratched his head. “I know that male humans are generally tougher than male hyenas, but you certainly take the cake. If I didn't know any better, I'd peg you for being gay."

“Wait, what? No! I'm not gay," I blurted, flabbergasted at the accusation.

He gave a sly smirk. “Are you sure? I won't judge!"

“Yes, I'm sure. Why don't you ask my girlfriend?"

“Hah! Fair enough."

I had a look around for anything else that might interest me. With the plethora of items in Greg's workshop, it wasn't very hard to find stuff. Some of the things he had were quite interesting. A few of the shirts I saw even had stylized depictions of humans on them.

The silence of me browsing was interrupted by Greg's curiosity. “So this girlfriend of yours… what's she like?"

I shrugged my shoulders. “Ah, well… she's geeky, got a cute smile… covered in fur."

He raised an eyebrow. “Fur? You're… dating a hyena?"

“Well, I just started dating her. We haven't really spent too much time together yet."

He put his hand on his hip, tilting his head. “Is she cute?"

I thought back to all the moments we had spent together so far. It may not have been long, but it was certainly charming to witness her mannerisms. There were times where she would nervously fidget constantly, or her eyes would grow in size, like a sad puppy. Times where her ears would go down, like a guilty dog who did something they shouldn't have...

“Definitely," I confirmed, nodding my head.

“Ha ha ha, all right."

Once I was done picking all the clothes I wanted, Greg went to pack it all nicely in some carry bags, while singing a catchy tune and having a little dance. He also packed extra sets of each item, so that I'd have plenty to wear before needing to wash them. Now I would no longer have to wear the basic clothing the HPA provided, and be more stylish at the same time.

“Well, it looks like you're all set," he sighed, finishing the last of the packing.

“Awesome. So… how much do I owe you?"

“Oh, you don't have to pay for anything, so you're free to go."

I pulled on my clothes. “Wait, you're telling me this is all free?"

“Yep! Pre-paid by the HPA themselves." He leaned in closer to whisper. “Don't worry, I get paid by them well enough."

At this point, I wasn't sure if there was anything the HPA didn't pay for. They reminded me of my grandma, the difference being that grandma was endearing while these guys were annoying.

Oh no, we can't have poor Jacob pay for those pants!

Gimme a break.

Greg pointed in the air. “Oh, and one more thing." He handed me a black box with a cute little red ribbon tied on.

“What's this?" I asked, turning the box around in my hands.

“Makeup!"

“Makeup," I responded flatly.

“Yeah! I mean, look at you. You don't even have any on! Besides, I'm sure your girlfriend would love to see you with some."

Now that I looked more closely, I could see he was wearing some eyeliner. It would make sense that makeup was more common for guys to wear here. Though now that I think about it… it's quite a human-specific thing. Do hyena men wear makeup? I'm not sure how that would work, since they have fur instead of skin. Maybe a hyena-specific makeup existed out there.

I looked down at the box, shifting my shoulders. “Ehh… I don't know about that."

“Cmon, trust me. She'll love it," he insisted.

I sighed, reluctantly accepting his gift. “Okay, okay… I'll take it."

I was suddenly enveloped in a tight hug. I awkwardly pat his back as he held on.

“Y'know, for a gruff, totally-not-gay boy like you, you're a big softie," he cooed.

“Gee, thanks," I said monotonously.

“I hope you're not thinking of kissing me now~"

“I'm going."

I quickly let go as he laughed. Stepping away, I slowly headed for the front door.

“It was nice to meet you, Greg," I said looking back. Besides the other comments, I meant that one genuinely.

“You too, Jacob. Hope to see you again soon!"

Judging by how effeminate Greg was, the girliness of the male hyenas did in fact carry over to the male humans, which also probably meant that all the human women here were all tough and shit. I wouldn't know since I've never met one, but I had a feeling that was soon to change.

Even when outside of Tooters, you couldn't truly escape the femboys.

I exited the building with all the stuff I had ordered under possession, including the makeup which I did not order. Walking back to my apartment, I thought about what to do with my previous clothing, now that I didn't need them anymore. I could always just keep them as backups, but I would rather not have my closet filled with stuff I wasn't going to use. Maybe I could use them for—

“Please… please help me."

My deep musing was interrupted by a faint voice emitting from a nearby alleyway. I peeked in only to see someone clutching their stomach in pain. I wasn't really sure what to do, but If someone was genuinely hurt, then I had to do something. I didn't want to be a useless bystander and do nothing to help.

I ran into the alley and up to the poor yeen as she leaned against a wall.

“E-excuse me, I need some help. P-please," she groaned.

“Whoa, okay. What's wrong? What do you need?" I asked, concerned for her health.

I saw her pained expression change to a more neutral tone as she pulled something out of her hoodie. My heart dropped as I realized it was a pocket knife. She didn't hesitate to flick it open in front of me.

“Your belongings," she answered. “I heard that humans were loaded. Looks like I was right. So why don't you be a nice boy and give me all that stuff you got?"

You gotta be shitting me. First during a date, and now after I get my fresh new drip? There's no way I'm getting these threads bloodied.

“Are… are you serious?" I said, hopeful that this was only some prank.

“Do I look like I'm joking?"

My breathing got heavy as I backed away slowly. “H-hey now, think we could talk about this? Since you're not too bad looking of a girl and all."

I of course tried putting on my killer moves, though all it managed was to make her pause.

“What, you think I'd want to get it with you? No way, lord. You humans are as ugly as a naked mole-rat."

Well that was uncalled for. Mugging me is one thing, but you didn't need to murder me as well.

The mugger kept stepping closer, losing more and more patience. My heart beat even faster as I saw how much of a sticky situation I was truly in. It's one thing to be hounded by some horny jerk, but having someone threaten your life was a different story.

Sweat dripped down my forehead as I looked for any possible way out. Most sides were blocked with walls so close it felt claustrophobic. The exit behind her was a way out, but the only way through her would be to get a few new unnatural holes.

With no other options, I did the last thing I could think of.

“Uhh… hey, what's that over there?"

I pointed behind her as if there was something worth looking at, and she instinctively turned her head. Before I could give her the chance to react, I gave her a big shove to the ground and bolted out the way I came. My legs carried themselves like they were trialing for the olympics. I heard a faint shout and snuck a glance back, only to see her slip on herself trying to get up. That's when I took the opportunity to do a mad dash away before she could even catch up. And just like that, I had lost her.

As soon as I felt it was safe to, I hunched over, panting deeply. The rush of adrenaline had yet to run its course through my veins. Sweat covered my entire body, attributed to the fear of potentially losing my life, and the poor lack of exercise. Even though I didn't run that far, I felt like I just finished a marathon.

Holy shit, why did that work? The oldest trick in the book and she fell for it.

I was both simultaneously the luckiest and unluckiest son of a gun there was. I knew that the smarter idea would have been to just give her my bags, as my life was more important than some stupid clothes, but I really did not want to have to go back and have the femboy call me gay again.

Without realizing it, I had entered an area filled with an abundance of people, a lot of which ended up shouting 'human!' or something similar. Some asked if I was okay. And of course, some of them asked for a picture, which I wasn't in the mood for.

At least the one good thing that came out of it was that it made me finally realize how dangerous this world could be, as someone with my profile. I may as well have had a red target painted on, with the amount of attention I received.

I understood the need for my protection now, even if it was sometimes excessive. I was just sick of constantly being told what I can and can't do, because it was a 'risk to my safety'. It made me feel like a little kid, and not in the nostalgic, good kind of way either. There were many liberties I took for granted back home. Something as simple as being able to drive was a no go for me. It was hazardous enough for the HPA to have a fit, barring me from ever experiencing it again. Driving was something I missed more than I thought I would, but it's not like there was anything I could really do about it. That was just the consequence of being an endangered species. It was probably for the best, anyway.

I made my way through the recently-formed crowd of people, thinking back to what just happened. I remembered how Sam kept telling me to be careful in public, but I never really took it seriously. I should have listened to her more. She wasn't just some government spook doing their job, she was someone who genuinely cared about my health. I was grateful to have her as my agent, even though I didn't deserve her.

I took a seat on a public bench after some walking, still shook up from the events prior. I rested my face on my hands, sighing deeply. The whole ordeal failed to exit the confines of my mind. I wouldn't go as far to say it was traumatizing, but it certainly wasn't a great experience. I didn't feel safe, even when I was out in the public.

After some extensive thinking, I decided to pull out my phone and dial the one person I needed right now. It felt like forever before the number finally picked up.

“Hello, Jacob. How are you?" a familiar voice rang out.

“Hey, Sam," I replied, despondent.

There was an awkward pause after my response, which was enough to tip her off that something wasn't right. “...Are you okay? You sound… tired."

“Yeah, uhm, listen… I got into a real bad situation, and… I'm not really feeling the best."

Her voice quickly changed to a more concerned tone. “Why? What happened? Are you okay?"

“Yeah, I'm fine… I just need someone to talk to."

“Of course. I'm always here if you need me. Would you like me to come over?"

I was tempted to say yes, but I wanted to head back to my apartment, and I didn't think Jesse would be very comfortable with having my agent be there. It was her home too.

“Uhm… just talking is fine."

And talk we did. We discussed a wide range of topics, mainly to get the other things that were bothering me off my mind. One of the things she talked about was her work at the HPA. I apparently wasn't the only human she was taking care of. Leandra, the other human Sam was assigned to, was said to be quite different to how I was. Sam described her as a labrador, while I was a chihuahua. I wasn't sure if I should have been insulted, but the comparison nonetheless made me laugh. It was ironic in a way for her to say that, with how similar to dogs hyenas looked. Imagine my surprise when she told me her people were more related to cats.

After I had cheered up a little, the topic of my safety came back to full attention.

“So… do you think it would be possible to have something I could use to defend myself? Like pepper spray or something?"

“Pepper spray? Hm… if you're feeling unsafe in public, then I'm sure we could probably work something out. Perhaps even get you registered with a firearm."

A gun was not the answer I was expecting. The idea of owning one, as cool as it was, would also be very nerve-racking. Having such a deadly weapon within close proximity is not something to take lightly. Even though it would definitely make people reconsider whether or not they should mess with me, I didn't wanna have to resort to shooting anyone. But my own safety had to come first, especially with how many incidents I was getting myself into, and how low human population numbers were getting. And you couldn't forget the amount of gun owners that were here, that was a serious problem. I guess that's just what happens when you live in America.

Aah, America. Land of the free.

Unless you're a human. In which case, land of the not so free.

Actually, it was more like, land of the almost free, but not really.

Whatever, at least I could own a gun… maybe.

“I… think it might be for the best," I agreed after giving it a few seconds to think.

“All right. I'll see what I can do. It shouldn't be too hard. The HPA is starting to get desperate, so I wouldn't be surprised if this request was approved. Before you own one, you'll need to take some written tests, and even some firearms training. Does that sound okay with you?"

“Yeah, that's great, honestly."

“All right. Now, are you sure you don't want me to come over? It is my job to protect you. But I also care about you. You're a good kid, Jacob."

I was delighted to hear her say that with her own mouth. I truly was lucky to have her, and not someone else who couldn't give a rat's ass about me. I could have gotten someone who only cared about their job, one who didn't understand me or my plight. I'm very glad I didn't.

“Thanks, Sam. I think I'll be okay, I just needed someone to talk to. Thanks for looking out for me."

“Of course. Anytime. Goodbye, Jacob."

“See ya."

I hung up the call, satisfied with how it turned out. All the stress I obtained from before was gone, replaced with a hopeful frame of mind. I stood up and walked back to my apartment with determination.

Today was a harsh lesson I needed to learn. That for a human, this universe was a place I needed to tread carefully in. I couldn't just waltz around anymore, not with the dangers being a human comes with. What if someone tried to rob me again? Or worse?

Welp, I wasn't gonna take anymore chances.

---

After going shopping for some new clothes, Jacob almost gets britished in a dingy alleyway. Luckily, he manages to escape unharmed, by employing the ancient technique known as the 'look over there'. A very strategic move.

And then he decides to get a gun. Because America.

What will happen in the next chapter? Will Jacob find safety in the scary Yeeniverse? Or will he finally absorb his girlfriend into a large mass, becoming a single entity?

Find out next time... on Longwaaaaaaay.