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Several weeks passed by ever since and things couldn't get any better for me. Terry and I never made it official but I didn't think it was really that necessary. Truth be told, I didn't really know what to do or to say to make it "official"... I couldn't imagine him down on his knees, declaring his love to me... And let's face it, how the hell are you supposed to ask such a thing? It's not really my thing to say: "Terry, I love you with all of my heart and I'd like you to be my boyfriend". But even if I did, Terry would probably respond by saying "Sure thing, babe." or he would say "m'kay." because he has a really dry sense of humour... Needless to say, things were going pretty well for the two of us and nothing really changed in those weeks. We just did the things we normally did and shared a cuddle and a kiss sometimes... From that moment on, I spend more time in his house... Watching movies and everything... I met his parents and well... His mother Simone... She's like, the hottest MILF I've ever seen... Don't get me wrong though, she's a very sweet lady... But still... If only I could do her some time... Seriously... But that's a whole different story...

Even though Terry and I had a relationship and even though everything was going great for the two of us, there always was a little voice in my head that reminded of something I'd rather not do... Terry and I didn't talk about sex at the time but something told me that he wanted it so bad with me... Nevertheless, he didn't push it or anything and to my relieve, waited. But to me, it felt as if I was never going to be ready for it... I always told myself that I would wait until it felt right but I also had the feeling as if it would never be right to do it with him... And well, that was kind of strange because I slept with Samantha countless of times and it happened a few times with Blain... But I trust Blain with my life and he always was a part of it. So what about Terry...? I trusted Terry enough to be around him and yet... Just the thought of it twisted my stomach... Just the idea that I had to have sex with him caused me to panic on in the inside... And I figured I had to talk to Terry about it... Truth was though, I didn't know how to bring it to him... I was afraid that he didn't want to be with me anymore once I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him... And so, I decided it was best not to tell him... The truth about doubts though, is that there's always someone out there who can give you that final push...

Blain's ex-girlfriend Rachel also attended at Antonelli's and even though I saw her walking by sometimes, I didn't really bothered to get to know her. From my experience, I thought that she was a cunt... I wouldn't say that I hated her but it came pretty damn close to it... Usually, whenever she came by, I politely greeted her and she greeted me back but that was it. So you can imagine how surprised I was when she sat next to me in the cafeteria when Terry wasn't around one day 'Hey, you're Ceylan, right, Blain's friend?' 'Yeah, that's me.' 'How you doing?' 'Uh... Pretty good actually and you?' 'Yeah, I'm fine.' 'Well, that's great...' 'Listen, you're, uh... You're dating Terry, right, that husky guy? I see the two of you together a lot.' 'Yeah, so...? Why is that?' 'I figured I just want you to know something about him.' 'Do I want to hear that?' 'Yes, definitely. Terry's a great guy and all but I don't think you should get carried away with him too much...' 'What do you mean?' 'Well, I'm just saying, he's the kind of guy who always "gets" what he wants...' 'I'm not following...' 'Look, I don't know how else to put it but... Terry's only interested in scoring some pussies. He flatters you and makes sure that you have a good time and before you know it, you'll be on your back on his bed... And when he gets tired of you, he'll dump you like trash.' 'Terry's not like that...' 'Trust me, how long have you been together with him by now?' 'Two months by now...' 'Oh, well, he takes his time with you. Normally, you would've been dumped after he slept with you. As soon as he gets the chance to nail you, he will. That goes on for a while and then you'll get dumped. Trust me, I'm not the only girl who fell for it.' 'U-Uh...' 'Terry's a sneaky bastard, Ceylan. Don't fall for it...'

After that, she got up and quickly walked away while I was thinking about everything that Rachel said to me about Terry. "She's a fucking cunt, why would you believe her? Rachel is full of shit, Terry's not like that..." And when I saw Terry that afternoon, those thoughts quickly disappeared when he gave me a tender kiss... I looked at him and smiled, having regret of ever thinking ill of him...

Those thoughts always came to mind at night, when I was alone in bed. "The guy is using you, Ceylan..." Somewhere, deep inside, something told me that I was being used and that he was just waiting for the right time... Those thoughts went away quickly whenever I was with him because he made me happy... Still, it always came back at night and my mind always thought about the things that Rachel said about Terry. It's safe to say that I can easily see whether people or not lie to me from past experiences... I knew Terry wasn't like that... I've always been careful around him but now, I've reached a point where I started to trust him and let him in on my life. He makes me laugh... He made me feel special whenever he whispered quietly in my ear that he loved me... I just didn't know how to return the favour... By having sex with him...? I didn't want to... Surely there had to be another way... But somewhere deep down inside, I knew that there was no other way and I knew that he wanted it so bad with me... It was just the way he looked at me... And whenever Terry did, I started to get very nervous... But the clock was ticking and his patience was wearing thin while I tried to keep up appearances...

I guess sometimes, we all build a wall around ourselves. And I guess I did that as well. I always thought I build that wall to keep people out. But ever since I met Terry, that wall only became higher for him and I realized I build that wall to see if he cared enough about me to break it down... And he did... I've laughed a lot more in those few months I was together with him than I ever did in my entire life... He made me enjoy the simplest of things... Each and every time I was with him, he made me forget all the worries that I had... Each and every time he held me or kissed me gently, I felt the butterflies going through my stomach and it was just so wonderful to feel... I've been in love before, yes, but this was nothing like it... I've never been so madly in love with someone before... And Terry was the only guy I ever fell in love with...

'Come on, dude, you ready?! You've been in that stall for twenty minutes! We're wasting time!' 'H-Hold on, I'm coming!' It was supposed to be a changing room but it was way too small for that. People with claustrophobia wouldn't do well in there... I got dressed in my bikini ten minutes ago but I felt nervous to go out and reveal myself in public like that... I guess we all have that feeling sometimes... Several weeks passed by ever since Rachel came by and even though she talked shit about Terry, I didn't listen to her. And I'm glad I didn't because if those thoughts that were haunting me at night were also haunting me during the day, it would've driven me crazy and probably led me to do something stupid again... But despite that, Rachel's words weren't bothering me whenever I was with Terry... So things stayed relatively the same for the two of us as the days passed by and we just kept hanging out together. Terry knew that I used to love to swim but I haven't been in a swimming-pool for years for obvious reasons... Terry really had to convince me to go with him but eventually, I just gave in... So on a Saturday morning, I was raiding my wardrobe in search of my bikini... And after I put on my bikini, I stared at myself in the mirror, as if I could change myself in the most beautiful girl that ever existed... I'm not unhappy about my body, most certainly not... But there are a few things I'd like to change... For starters, my feet would be significantly smaller, my breasts would be significantly bigger and I would make myself a lot smaller than I am... I wouldn't change my legs and my waist, though... I love how my legs are muscled, yet elegant and slim and my hourglass figure waist... My ass is fairly round and tight... I can honestly say I'm really proud of that... I haven't looked at myself like that for quite some time and it used to gave me confidence to tell myself how good looking I am but that day, it only made me feel way more insecure than I already was about myself... To expose myself like that in public and especially for Terry really had me on my toes... After I got dressed, I took another good look at myself before I went out, knowing this would change everything for better or worse...

'Oh, come on!' 'Just a second!' I took a deep breathe and looked down to see if I was presentable... I made another knot in the strings of my bikini bottom and tightened the straps of my bikini top... And I know Terry's with me and even though I can easily take care of myself, I still wasn't so sure of it if this was such a good thing... But I had to get out of that changing room sooner or later... So I took another deep breathe and unlocked the door of the stall while I carefully peeked around the corner... The first thing I noticed was Terry leaning against the lockers with crossed arms, looking very impatient in the other direction... Terry's very muscular and handsome to look at... His white belly had a noticeable six-pack and his biceps are big even though he wasn't even flexing them... Nothing seemed to be exaggerated... Terry was wearing light blue swimming trunks with white stripes on his thighs that reached down to his knees... But when he noticed me, I couldn't help to giggle nervously as my head was peeking around the corner... Slowly revealing myself had a bit of a hypnotic effect on him as I stepped from behind the door... He first looked at my feet, like he usually does whenever I'm not wearing shoes... Then his eyes slowly went up, inspecting every little inch of my body... And then he looked me in the eyes, as if he gave me a seal of approval... His ears twitched and he gave me that cute little smile he always has... He placed an arm around me while I placed my arm around his shoulder and together we walked, to the shower area...

As soon as we entered the shower area, I already felt the hot and muggy atmosphere that was in the air of the swimming-pool. I punched the button of the shower while Terry took the one next to me... And I think we were checking each other out when we did... And so, we got out of the showers and made our way to the recreational pool, where a lot of people and kids were having a good time in the water. It's a huge recreational pool filled with large and high waterslides, diving boards, a rapid water way and several relaxing areas where you could just float around or lie down. There was something for everyone and we made our way towards the recreational pool that had stairs, leading to deeper water... I dipped my toes in the water first but once my feet were in the water, I was slowly walking down the stairs, holding the banister while Terry still held my hand... I didn't know what to say as he smiled at me but I thought it was so cute... Only our heads were sticking out once we reached the pool's deepest section... For the first time in years, I was in the water... And I loved it... 'Wow... I can't believe I haven't done this sooner...' 'You mean swimming?' 'Yes...' 'You know, my mates and I used to arse around in the pools.' 'Arse?' 'Yeah, was always a lot of fun...' '... Arse?' 'Yeah.' 'I don't understand... Arse is, like... Butt, right? What do you mean with that?' 'Oh, well, arsing around means like... Messing around, you know.' 'Oooh, okay, I didn't know. Still got a little trouble with the language sometimes.' 'Well that's okay, I mean, some people are here for well over twenty years and still can't speak a word of the language so you're doing pretty well.' 'Thanks... Sometimes, I take slang literally and well, that can be pretty awkward...' 'Hehehehe...' 'Come on, let's go! I'll race ya!' 'Hey!'

The moment I dove under, it all came back... Being in the water after so many years felt great... It's like reliving a piece of my childhood... It might seem strange that a feline loves water so much but I've been a swimmer for as long as I can remember... And as I was swimming underwater, little pieces of memories came back from my childhood... Back in Pandura, there was a fresh water lake with crystal clear water from the mountains not too far from my home... I remember spending the afternoons there, watching little fishies or took a dive from the high rocks with my friends... A waterfall kept supplying the small lake with fresh water from the mountains and everywhere you looked, you saw the jungle as far as the eye could see... Getting up the waterfall wasn't that much of a challenge but you really had to be careful because of all the slippery rocks... But once you got up there, you could see the river and the mountains in the distance where it came from... Me and my friends would jump in the river and let us carry downstream until we reached the waterfall... The waterfall was about as high as a two story house so it was always quite exciting to fall down from it... The lake itself was fairly deep, about three metres deep if I recall... One of my friends got the idea of tying a rope to a thick branch and we ran off the rocks, swinging on the rope and let go at its highest peak... And I remember getting my very first kiss there... I was six and a little tiger boy I used to play with... I can't remember his name... He gave me a kiss on my cheek and I responded by saying "Eeeeeww!". Hehehe... But as one memory was relived, another one was in the making... Once I reached the other side of the pool, I merged above water and gasped for air as I removed my hair from my eyes... Once I pulled myself up and sat on the edge of the pool, I watched patiently as Terry was peddling his way towards me... Once he got in front of me, I looked down on him and placed my feet on his shoulders... And the moment I did, his hands were reaching out to my feet and gently caressed them... 'Wow, that was fast...' 'Hm-mm...' 'I'm not surprised, really. You've got two big canoes propelling you forward.' 'Psh... You don't have to remind me that I have big feet. It feels as if my feet are compensating for something else...' 'Hehehehe... You look great, Ceylan... Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.' 'I'm not, I'm just telling that myself...' 'Well, what's wrong with big feet?' 'You wouldn't really notice it until I place my heels on the ground. Watch.'

And so I did... My feet reminded me of big floppy clown shoes... And to compare it, I held my foot next to Terry's muzzle and it was bigger than that so... Yeah... A size fourteen... And that's a woman's size... 'I can live with big feet. And besides, your length is compensating that... Wouldn't look right if you had tiny little feet with your length. ' 'True, I guess...' 'Why are we talking about your feet anyway? We're wasting time, we're supposed to arse around.' 'I still don't really know what you mean with that...' 'I'll show you!' And with that, he firmly got hold of my arm and pulled me in the water. I got so startled by that, I yelled my lungs out and that caught some attention to say the least... Terry climbed on the edge of the pool and once I merged, I pretended to have hurt my ankle... 'Ow! Oh my god, my ankle...! It hurts...!' 'Dude, you okay?' Terry kneeled on the edge and quickly reached out a hand to pull me up... But the moment I got hold of his hand, I placed my feet against the wall of the pool and pulled him down with all of my strength... A little too hard... I don't know my own strength... Terry plunged in the water and quickly merged, looking very surprised at me while I was laughing my ass off for his reaction for falling for the oldest trick in the book... 'Damn, you're one strong kitten...' 'Haha, I got ya back!'

From that point on, all hell broke loose... I acted like a little kid since then... And Terry? Well, he just played along... Besides, arsing around was his idea... We quickly ran towards a waterslide and ran up the stairs. Terry went first and I sat behind, firmly clenching on his stomach... When the light turned green, indicating it was safe to go, Terry and I pushed ourselves off and just before we went down, Terry lifted himself up and dropped down again and with me clinging on to him meant he had more weight and more weight means the faster you'll go down the tube... It was dark inside the tube but there were little LED lights that somewhat illuminated the tube but it wasn't enough to see when the next sharp turn was. We went down so fast that with every turn, we were swaying left and right while the two of us were acting like retards, shouting and yelling in the tubes and laughing out loud for no apparent reason... We splashed in the pool and once the two of us merged up, we looked at each other and smiled... So we quickly got out of the pool and ran to the next waterslide, giggling like little cubs...

At some point, the two of us slowed down and we were relaxing in a separate area where you could lie down as the warm water bubbled around you. It was very relaxing but for some reason, I couldn't help but to think that someone was farting next to me... With all the bubbles, no one would notice if someone did... Terry's swimming trunks were bulging with air because of the bubbles and he kept pushing his trunks down, which was quite a funny sight... But still, as he looked around with a serious expression, I knew that something was bothering him... 'What's on your mind?' 'Haven't you noticed that some guys are staring at you?' 'Hm... Most girls are staring at you as well when you walk by. Especially those pubescent little brats...' 'Hehe... Does that make you feel jealous?' 'I believe there hardly is any competition.' 'Hehehehehe...' 'Being checked out makes me feel kind of special, though...' 'Oh, really?' 'Yes... Because I know they can never have me...' 'Well, that sounds a little arrogant...' 'Is it? Depends on how you look at things...' 'How so?' 'Well, first of all, they're all complete strangers. I don't touch strangers.' 'Hm-mm, good point...' 'Secondly, I'm already taken... By another good looking person.' 'You got that right.' 'Haha, who's arrogant now?!' 'Am I? Depends how you look at it. I can't blame you for telling the truth. And besides, ugly people exist to make everyone else look better.' 'Define "ugly"...' 'Hmm... How do I put it?' 'There is no definition of ugly, just opinions and prejudices.' 'So you're saying you dig fat guys?' 'No I don't but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're ugly. I believe that everyone needs to look further than just to look at appearances. Calling someone ugly doesn't make you look any better... Calling someone fat doesn't make you thinner... Trying to find a balance between the beauty on the in as well as the outside of someone is the most difficult but also the most rewarding if you ever find it. You don't love someone because they are beautiful but they are beautiful because you love them. The greatest treasures you find in someone are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart...'

It stayed silent for a while as I kept staring ahead at all the people who were having a good time in the water... Old people, adults, little kids, teens... Someone's definition of ugly doesn't mean shit... Because as long as someone is loving one another, they are all beautiful, no matter what they're being told... Dignity is something that can be easily shattered... I would know, I've been there... I can't think of a reason why anyone would shatter someone's dignity and self confidence by saying that... Maybe they say it so that it would make them feel better... But as long as two people share their love for each other, no one is supposed to tell them otherwise... My definition of ugly is someone who does exactly that... 'Wow...' 'Hm?' 'That was, uh... Deep...' 'Hehe...' 'I didn't think you could be such a softie...' 'I have my moments every once in a while.' '... So, uh... Ice-cream?' '... I want a Magnum with nuts.' 'I've got nuts too if you want.' 'Somehow, I knew you were gonna say that.' 'Hehehe...'

So we got out of the water and made our way to the bar where Terry ordered ice-cream and I got the Magnum with nuts and Terry got himself a cone with a scoop of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. And while we were walking, I nudged his arm while he was taking a lick from his ice-cream, dipping his nose in his cone... His black nose wasn't so black anymore... Haha, his nose was covered in vanilla ice-cream and he just looked at me with big eyes, as if I just stole candy from him when he was just a defenceless little pup... That baffled expression of his is the cutest thing I've ever seen, with his ears hanging all droopy and those big blue eyes... So I placed my hands on his cheeks and gave him a gentle lick over his nose to lick the ice-cream off... That same baffled look with those big eyes and droopy ears... I couldn't help myself to giggle when I saw his expression again... And so, he took my hand as we walked and sat somewhere so that we could talk about all sorts of things. After we finished our ice-cream, The two of us were standing on the edge of the pool and Terry picked me up and carried me like a baby... I thought it was very romantic of him... I looked him in the eyes and he just stared back... A gentle kiss was all it took... Terry looked down on me when all of a sudden, he had a grin on his face and before I knew it, he tossed me in the pool... Unexpected of course so I shrieked my lungs out until I splashed the water... Several moments after that, he made a cannon ball once I reached the surface... But I got him back though... When he was standing on the ledge again, I sneaked behind him and pushed him pretty hard in the water... And so, Terry and I picked up where we left off... He dove underneath me and placed his head between my legs, which really surprised me... But as he merged, he held on to my feet and I sat on his shoulders for a moment until he threw me off again... Once I merged, I jumped up and got hold of Terry's shoulders, pushing him down while I took a deep breathe and slowly submerged myself... I closed my eyes the moment my hearing faded away until I only heard the sound of water... When I opened my eyes again, I saw him... Being underwater with him felt as if the two of us were the only ones on the planet... I felt how he held on to my waist as I placed my forehead against his and closed my eyes... And as soon as I opened them, I stared in those eyes again... From that point, I knew it was more than just shallow, blind affection... A quick stare in his eyes told me more than a thousand words... Everything I ever thought about him, I knew he thought the same about me... His hands embraced me as I was drawn closer to him... Holding him close in a way I never did before felt awkward yet somewhat familiar to me... Placing my hands on his strong fluffy chest... Terry's hands moved up, placing them on my cheek while his face came closer... Sharing a passionate kiss underwater was so wonderful... And when we both surfaced again and gasped for air, we looked at each other and I knew that this was all real... That I finally found what I was looking for...

It was around ten o'clock in the evening when people started to go home... Already it was dark outside and Terry and I were one of the last people who were getting out of the pool. So we got ourselves to the changing rooms to dry ourselves off and to get dressed. And once we got to the exit, we noticed that it was raining heavily outside... The two of us were reluctant to go outside but we had to go because the complex was closing down for the evening... So Terry and I counted to three and ran like hell to the parking lot to get to his car but once we got outside, we were soaked immediately so instead of running to his car, we ran to a deserted bus shelter to wait until the rain wasn't so heavy anymore but that seemed to take ages... So Terry and I waited... 'Bloody hell, it doesn't look like it's gonna stop any time soon.' 'Yeah... Well, I don't mind, really...' 'Did you had fun today...?' 'Yeah, I've had a blast... Thank you, Terry...' 'You're welcome, dude... You into rollercoaster's, by the way?' 'I haven't been in an amusement park for quite some years, but yes... I love rollercoaster's...' 'Oh sweet! I'll take you to Six Flags next time!' 'Really...? You would...?' 'Yeah of course! They've got the best rollercoaster's.' 'I'd like that...'

As the rain kept falling down from the sky, it stayed silent while I looked at the streets and the surroundings... The road was getting flooded by the drains that couldn't handle that huge amount of water... Our feet were in the water but besides that, we stayed dry... Hearing the rain hitting the bus shelter was rather relaxing... But at some point, Terry broke the silence... 'Ceylan...?' 'Yes...?' 'Do you think that we have a serious relationship or...?' 'Yes... Don't you...?' 'Well yeah, I do but...' 'But...?' 'I can't help but to think that you're holding yourself back sometimes...' 'U-Uh... Y-You mean... Sex...? Or...?' 'No, no, I'm not talking about that...' 'Oh well, uh... I-I uh... I have feelings for you, Terry, I really do... It's just very difficult for me to show...' 'What do you mean?' 'I've always been distrusting towards people for as long as I know... Things that happened in the past had a huge impact on me and well... It's just the way I am... I normally don't let people in on my life so easily... It takes a lot of time for me to trust someone...' 'You can trust me, you know...' 'I know but... It's difficult to change a habit when you're living with it for so long... And it's just the way I am... Most people can't accept the fact that I am... Which is why I never had a boyfriend before...' 'You haven't...?' 'No... See, metaphorically speaking, I build a wall around myself to keep people out... And as long as that wall is standing, I feel safe and comfortable yet very miserable and lonely... And whenever someone tries to get closer to me, I only build that wall higher for them to see if they would care enough about me to break that wall down... Most people couldn't which is why I don't have many friends... They don't know the real me... You, Blain and Samantha were the only ones who managed to break that wall... And for that, I'm very thankful... It makes me realize I'm not alone and that there actually is someone who cares a lot about me... I know I can be a difficult person to live with... But I guess I just need what everyone else needs... Just someone to be around with... Someone who accepts me for who and what I am... Someone who loves me deeply... I've got so much love and affection to give even though it's so difficult for me... But truth is, deep down inside, it's the only thing I've ever wished for...'

It stayed silent for a long time while I stared in blank space as the rain kept hitting the bus shelter and its surroundings... I didn't know what to say or to do... And maybe I felt ashamed to have realized I told Terry that whole wall thing... But it's just the only way I can explain it... And hopefully, he got the hint... 'Wow...' 'Hm...?' 'You're really something special, you know that...?' 'Heh... I'm just being me... I can't pretend anymore to be someone I'm not...' 'You don't have to pretend around me, you know...' 'I know...' 'Do you think we have too little of those loving moments...?' 'Yes... I can't tell you how you make me feel whenever you hug me or kiss me... And... I just... Heh...' 'You've been hurt a lot in the past before, haven't you...?' 'Yes... I've always taken care of others... I just wish someone would do the same for me...' 'C'mere, babe...'

Terry moved over to me and cuddled me as I rest my head on his shoulder... I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting away until he gently nudged my chin up... And he kissed me... Right that very second, all those wonderful feelings were rushing through my stomach... We looked at each other for a while until I could finally utter the words I've always wanted to say to him... 'Che maranya deh...' 'Hm? What does that mean...?' 'It means "I love you"...' 'Heh... I love you too...'

We continued to make out for a while in the bus shelter as the rain was pouring heavily down the sky... And all Terry did was caressing my hair while I cuddled him... 'Dude...?' 'Yeah...?' 'What was that about sex...?' 'U-Uh... I-I uh... I thought you meant that when you said that I was holding back... I-I thought you wanted to...' 'Would it be your first time...?' 'No, not really...' 'But you said you never had a boyfriend before...' 'It's a long story... And a rather unpleasant one... So... Heh... I'd rather not talk about it...' 'I see...' 'I want you to know that I'm not like other girls, Terry... Most girls give themselves away like but... I-I don't... And... I know you want it... B-But truth is...' 'Hm...?' 'I uh... I haven't slept with someone in well over two years...' 'You serious...?' 'Yes...' 'That's uh, quite a long time ago...' 'Heh... It is...' ´It's nothing to be ashamed about...´ ´I know... But... I really want to be with you... You make me happy and... I just want things to stay the same as they are...´ ´I don't think anything will change...´ ´Heh... You don't know how much that means to me... I'm glad we could talk about this...´ ´Anytime...´ ´Heh...´ 'We've been here for half an hour... Maybe we should get home... I mean, we're already soaked so it wouldn't make any difference...' 'Heh... Maybe...' 'Okay, ready?' 'Yeah, let's go.'

And with that, the two of us got out and ran as fast as we could to the parking which was still a long way. After running for several minutes, which felt like an eternity, Terry quickly unlocked the door of his red Seat Ibiza, which I loved by the way... I always wanted one of my own if I ever could bring up the money... Anyway, we got inside quickly and so, we drove off...

Driving in the dark through the rain was wonderful... The radio was playing music quietly while the DJ interrupted every once in a while to say something or playing commercials... And as we were driving, the windshield wipers were going left and right quickly... The streets were deserted and even when we got on the freeway, there were very few cars to be seen... Terry wasn't driving at the maximum permitted speed because of the rain and bad visibility... It took us longer on the way back... And all this time, we haven't said a word because we were pretty tired that evening... But all I could think of was how amazing Terry was... Our talk that we had made me think that he understood what I wanted and what I needed... And that he accepted me for who and what I am... 'You want me to drive you straight home...?' 'Hm? Oh, uh... Y-Yeah... Or...' 'Or?' 'I could stay if you want... I want to be with you...' 'You want to stay over for the night...?' 'Yes...? If you want me to... I don't know if it's okay with your parents though...' 'They're on vacation, I got the whole house to myself for three weeks.' 'Doesn't that bother you that they're gone so often?' 'Naah. I'm twenty years old, I can take care of myself. Besides, my parents were always there for me. Figured it was time that they would take care of themselves for a change so they're spending a lot of time travelling and going to places.' 'Hehe...'

It took about forty five minutes before we finally got back in Ravello... At around half passed twelve, we got back to Terry's place where we dried ourselves off... I unpacked my bag and washed my bikini in the sink to get out the chlorine in the fabric and hanged it to dry over his radiator. In the mean time, Terry got out of his soaked clothes and hanged it to dry as well. Seeing him in his boxer shorts wasn't any different than seeing him in his swimming trunks... And I figured him seeing me in my underwear wasn't any different than him seeing me in a bikini... So I took my wet clothes off and hanged it to dry as well... And even though he already saw me in a bikini, he still had that cute smile on his face when he saw me in my underwear... He went to the bathroom to turn on the shower while I went downstairs to go to the bathroom. As I made my way to the kitchen to wash my hands, I saw all of those photo frames on the table and there were a lot of pictures of Terry and his relatives... Pictures of Terry from when he was a little pup to a teen... He was so adorable as a pup... His big poofy fluffy muzzle with big eyes and droopy ears and his huge smile... That smile never changed over the years... Doing things together with his parents and his relatives... It made me wonder what my life would've been like if my parents were still alive... Heh... I stared at those pictures for a while, as I could only imagine...

After I washed my hands, I quickly went upstairs again where I heard the shower and Terry who was taking one... I could see that the door wasn't locked and that it was slightly ajar... I didn't get the little hint back then... So I went back to his room where I got down on his bed and flipped the pages of several magazines while I waited for him to finish...

About fifteen minutes later, Terry came back in his room wearing only his boxer shorts. He stood in the doorway looking at me and once I noticed him, he pulled a serious face and struck a heroic pose by placing his hand on his waist... The way he did looked so funny, I spontaneously started to laugh... But Terry just strides towards me while he kept that hilarious expression on his face and kneeled before me... 'Aaaaah, da beautiful laidy... I-a kiss-a your hand...' 'Eh?'

And with that he took my hand and gently kissed it while I kept laughing at him... 'You-a make my heart go boom-titi, boom-titi, boom...' 'Hihi, aww... You're a silly pup... Do I really make your heart go boom-titi, boom-titi, boom...?' 'Hm-mm...' 'Aww...'

Afterwards, he got on top of me and kissed me gently on the lips... And while we were making out, Terry held my hands, gently caressing the fur on my hands... I was so carried away with him that I didn't notice that he was gently rubbing his package between my legs... It somewhat got me aroused by making out with him like that but not nearly enough to actually do it... But Terry knew that I didn't want to so I felt safe enough to continue... And all we did was making out passionately while I felt his package rubbing between my legs every once in a while... But I still smelled that scent of chlorine from the swimming-pool and that wasn't him... 'Terry...?' 'Yeah, babe...?' 'Can I take a shower as well...?' 'Of course... I'll go get you some towels...' 'Thank you...'

Once he brought me some towels, I made my way to his bathroom and locked the door... And when I looked around the huge bathroom, I didn't know where to begin... He had a huge round bath that could easily fit two people in and a separate shower area with glass and a marble stone floor... The whole bathroom was as white as snow and I could see myself in the large mirror by the sink... I watched myself from a distance in the mirror as I took my bra off, revealing these tiny lumps of flesh and fur with pink nipples... And then I slowly lowered my panties... The mirror showed only a pink little slit with a scruff of fur which I trimmed often... I don't like it when it gets too fuzzy down there... Being naked feels great... Some people just don't understand that being naked doesn't always have to be a sign of wanting sex... If I would live on my own, I'd walk around naked in my own house all day... With the curtains closed, though... But I always looked at myself naked with mixed feelings..."You're so gorgeous looking... Most girls would kill to have a body like yours..." But what about the guys...? Will anyone see ever through that there's more to me than the exterior...? Would Terry be able to ever see that...? Or maybe he already did...? Is it possible that someone loves you even though you don't have sex with him or her...? I've seen it before with Samantha, when Devon broke up with her because she didn't want to go any further with him... But Terry's not like that... Is he...? With all of these questions running through my mind, I took a shower while trying to find some answers... But truth was, I wasn't able to get any...

After I took a shower, I dried myself off and put my panties and bra back on. I walked back to Terry's room where he was waiting in bed... He watched my every move when I got my hairbrush from my bag and I smiled back when he did... I looked in the mirror in the door of his wardrobe and started to carefully brush my long silky hair... Several moments later, Terry stood behind me and placed his hands on my waist as he gently started to kiss my neck... And then his hands lowered... The palm of his hands were firmly grabbing my butt cheeks as he kept kissing my neck... His right hand caressed my belly as he quietly whispered that I had such a fine body... I started to feel a little uneasy when he touched me like that but what really got me was when his hands were reaching inside my panties, gently feeling between my legs... I just completely froze up when he did while there was total chaos in my head... I stopped brushing my hair as he felt between my legs and with just one hand, he undid my bra and it fell to the ground, revealing my breasts... And with that free hand, he started to massage my left breast... I saw it all happening in the mirror in front of me while I didn't do anything about it... I was panicking on the inside but I didn't show that I was... Caressing my nipples and my vagina while he was still kissing my neck... I could've easily pushed him away or punched him in the face but I couldn't... I just couldn't move... And I just couldn't enjoy it... It felt like I was being violated once more... As if more guys were waiting in line to get a piece of the action... When Terry's fingers were gently reaching inside of me, I felt as if I could cry any minute for my dignity being violated... Nevertheless, I didn't do anything about it... I just froze up and I became terrified... I looked at myself in the mirror and watched how Terry was grabbing my breast and fondled between my legs... Looking at myself in the mirror as if the girl I was seeing was trying to bring a message to me... "You stupid cunt, you fell for it..."

After what felt to me as an eternity, he stopped with what he was doing... I placed my hairbrush back in my bag and got down on his bed on my stomach underneath the bed sheets to catch some sleep, thinking it was finally over... My tail was down, covering my crotch so that he wouldn't get any ideas... But I think Terry already made plans the moment I set foot in his room... He slowly removed the bed sheets and kissed my butt cheeks and my inner thighs... Not long after that, he gently lifted my tail up and slowly removed my panties... He placed his hands on my butt-cheeks and buried his face in it while I felt his warm breath against my vagina... And when he gently started to lick, I felt so disgusted and so ashamed for being violated like that... It's obvious he did this many times before... Most girls would've enjoyed it but I couldn't... Something I always feared would happen was now finally happening... I enjoyed it whenever Samantha got down on me but... How the fuck was I able to enjoy this...? I couldn't... But at some point, he stopped... I closed my eyes, hoping he finally got enough of it... And just when I thought it was safe, Terry got on top of me... "No, please, don't do this to me! Please don't!" I felt his penis prodding against the opening of my vagina and at that point, I just totally lost it... Even though his thrusts were gentle, it still hurt... Maybe it was just between my ears but it still hurt a lot when he did... With every thrust he gave, he got deeper and deeper inside of me while I firmly clenched my teeth and the bed-sheets with my eyes shut tightly, praying it would be over soon... And it just didn't seem to end... The tears were rolling down my cheeks from the pain and the shame I felt... But Terry didn't see that I was crying quietly... He had other things to focus on... And I understand... He's a male and has his own needs... But it got me wondering how and why a girl was ever be able to enjoy it... I certainly couldn't... I became so terrified when my mind fooled me into thinking that more males were patiently waiting in a line to do me as well... It was obvious that Terry had a really good time by whispering how tight I was... And at some point, Terry rested his head on my shoulder when he gave that final thrust... I didn't feel any sperm like last time so I figured he used a condom... And then he just rolled off of me and turned the lights off while he cuddled me...

It was the only sound I could hear in the dark... His quiet breathing... And I watched time ticking by on his digital alarm clock... An hour passed by since it happened while I still felt that burning feeling between my legs... I couldn't move... I couldn't think... And slowly, my mind was pulling itself back together... I could finally think again... "What the fuck happened...?" That was the first thought that ran through my head... His pillow was wet from all the tears I've shed... I could've prevented it... But what would've happened if I did...? Everything I ever felt for Terry was nothing but an empty void... I felt ashamed to have realized that Rachel was right about everything and that I wouldn't believe her... But Terry got what he wanted... I figured I had no reason to stay anymore... So I got out of his bed and got dressed... I grabbed my things and before I left Terry's room, I looked at him as if he was a total stranger so all of a sudden... That feeling of trust just wasn't there anymore... So I got downstairs, tried several keys to unlock the front door and hanged it back... And with that, I made the long walk back home in the rain while I was crying once more... After I got home, I got to bed but I couldn't sleep... All I did was staring at the white ceiling, waiting for an explanation that would never come...

I trusted Terry enough to be around him... I've always been careful around him and yet it happened... So what went wrong...? I didn't know... But more importantly, why did I let him...? I know he loves me and he showed that by having sex with me... It's something I've learned on a fairly young age... As the years passed by, I became confused if sex really was the key to affection and love... But at that point, there still had to be somebody to prove me wrong... Samantha and I had sex but it wasn't love... Blain and I had sex but it wasn't love... So what exactly was it then...? I love Terry but was this all worth it...? No, it certainly wasn't... Did he just waited to have a one night stand with me...? That I was just another girl that got ticked off on his list...? Was that all I ever was to him...? I thought I knew so much about it but I realized I still had so many things to learn... All those negative experiences weighed so much on me that I could hardly love anyone... And maybe it was best to be alone... Was it Terry's fault...? No, of course not... He just did what he had to do to move on... As for me...? I've always been the girl who got ticked off from someone's list... And I figured that it would never change... Somewhere, deep inside of me, a little voice came up for Terry, saying that he's not like that... Maybe it's because I love him so much for making me happy... I figured I had to talk about it... But from past experiences, talking about it never solved anything... While the other moved on, I stayed behind, like it always has been... And by then, I knew that things would always be the same... It happened many times before and at first, I thought that it were other peoples fault... But it made me realize that it wasn't anyone's fault, just my own to blame... And whenever I tried to blame it on someone else, I couldn't think of a reason why I had to... To make me feel better...? And then what...? It wouldn't make a bit of difference if I did... It's my fault and always has been... And no one was ever able to change that... Or so I thought...