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Part 5.

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PART FIVE: TO MAKE THE MAD WIND

DAY SEVEN

All in all, everyone had a pleasant evening. Don had not lost his virginity, according to Lee's opinions. Now that he had given in to Lee's sexual desires, Don seemed destined to be his mate. Lee had asked such a thing, too. That had almost caused Don to panic; it had been his fear all along, the thing he had been avoiding since day one of Lee's confession, the confession of his love. Now the proposal was in the air about them like a swarm of locusts, the destructive force eating Don's conscious and wrecking his sensibilities.

That next day, Don had requested of Lee to allow him solitude. Lee had refused at first, saying that they had to hang out that day to let their new lives sink in. Don had become visually upset again, like the night before with the threat of Mary. The young eelnod felt things in his spirit that he had previously forgotten about, and would not rationalize with the one he had made love to that previous evening.

It was guilt, that first and foremost emotion draining his happiness till he could barely move from the bed. There he sat, swimming in it. He felt guilty for having done what he did that night, how he had so willingly succumbed to Lee and reciprocated all his actions. He felt humiliated in a way, for he thought that Lee had brainwashed him into obeying his commands. It was not Don that had been in control, for that authoritarian notion had only been an illusion created by his friend in all to engender the ensuing intercourse.

It made Don sad. It felt as if Lee had betrayed him by the trick of sex. That was why he could not fathom his past belief of abstinence that night; Lee did something to him to block the apprehension. Lee had somehow forced Don to compromise, so why was there a need to suck out more of it? He was greedy, a greedy, selfish worm.

Don was prepared to hate Lee for it, for the deceit. That passion Don had felt that night was true to him, though, and he did enjoy it, but it was plain as day that Lee had done something to cause it.

However, Lee had lost himself in the lust, and had lost his mind control. For when Don gave him that first climax, Lee had become too distracted by it dropped his telepathy. Lee lost the control completely when he requested that more explicit act from Don. His submissive behavior allowed Don to regain his brain and think for himself again.

Don had acted of his own accord. He wanted to please Lee, make him happy, and that itself would bring himself happiness. And it was obvious to Don that this notion was shared by Lee.

However, Lee must have had noticed and had been quick to recover. Somehow, Lee got hold of the monopoly again, and then soon after, they were done. The entire night in Lee's presence, Don felt as if he was under control. It was only the next day that reality could return to his mind and the whole of the evening returned in the form of a remembered dream.

Don sat there in his delirium and regret, at the gates of both. Lee was apparently a puppet master now, and Don had given in, inadvertently tugging Lee's heartstrings with his touch. It was obvious that Lee would strive for the position of his mate, even though Don was reluctant, and Lee would be persistent to retain that love and affection from which he had persuaded from Don. Perhaps Lee did not truly love Don, but just wanted to conquer him, like he had with Rob and Mark.

Don sighed with gloom inside his mind, sitting at his bed, gripping the edge with both paws and wiggling his feet, staring absent-mindedly at the desk across from him. He truly did not know what to do.

* * * * * * *

More of Don's absence ensued. He refused to leave his room for an entire day, but the thought of starvation forced him to venture out and return quickly. Along the way, he met several eelnods that he was acquainted with, not Mary of Lee. They knew him, knew of him, but he honestly did not know this. It was just the news of his rage. It was almost a coincidence that the entire group of Lee's other friends was loitering outside of the building. Don would not have approached if he had known they were there. But they stood out in the open, they were not hard to miss, he had only not noticed in his trance of thought as he moved forward.

They said 'hi', Don entering the building with no reply. He moved to the shelves and looked for something in particular. It would not be on the shelves, so he continued on to the other section where prepared stuff was set. He got his grilly-cheese and ate it on the spot. Next, he utilized a water fountain, drinking about a quart, and then left the building. It was inevitable that more speaking would commence.

"Hey Don," began Mark, his black eye healed now, "Lee wants to know where you've been."

Don stood separated from the group and looked to the eelnod as he replied, "Lee knows where I am."

"Yeah, but he wants you to hang out with him again."

"Why do you keep shutting yourself away?" Wondered Mark.

"It depends on what I need to think about." It was the most direct and accurate response he had ever given to such interrogation of his personal life. For all the times he had secluded himself to his room, there had always been an abstract thought plaguing him. This time, it was his guilt, last time it was death, many times before it was simple frustration, several of those caused by Rob or Mark or the others.

"Well, he said you guys did something really important. You should think about it with him."

"I wasn't all that important. I think Lee was just playing with me."

"What?" Gasped Rob, "What are you talking about?" Don could see their innocence in it all, Lee had brainwashed them too. Although it disgusted Don, he could not help but be impressed at Lee's ability to contort so many beings at once.

"Just tell him for me that I don't wanna be his toy anymore." Then he walked away. He knew that Rob et all would convey his message, that is, unless he was to run into Lee on the way back to his room. It did not happen though.

Lee was on his way. He had just gotten out of his session and was making his way to Don's room. "Here he goes again, all depressed and locking himself inside". Although he was distressed at the loss of Don's company the morning and day, he would not allow himself to mope about and stay in his room. The only way to keep ennui and dreary thoughts at bay was a session. Anything would do... any subject.

He moved as if he had an important goal. He just wanted to see what was wrong. Then ahead of him, coming towards him, were his friends, Rob et all. None of their rooms were on this floor, only one of theirs was in this building, so it was odd to see them there, standing near Don's room. Lee ran then, wanting to gain them quickly to find out what they were doing.

"Lee, shh." Said Mark, "We wanted to tell you before Don pisses you off again."

"Did he beat someone up again?" Asked the bedazzled, love-struck eelnod.

"Maybe, but that's not what we're here about."

"Shit! You're gonna jump him aren't you? Get the fuck out of here!" He tried not to holler, he had screamed it through a hiss.

"No, no, Lee. We think Don is mad about something." Lee could not understand what he meant. It did not seem possible for Don to be angry after what they had just been through the night before. He had convinced himself that Don was changing and was beginning to accept his ability to love.

"What's wrong with Don now?"

"Okay, we met him outside about fifteen minutes ago and told him that you wanted to talk to him. But he said something really weird..." Mark frowned as he tried to remember the exact words.

"Something like, you only used him." They could tell from Lee's visage that he was both confused and shocked.

"Yeah, and that he don't wanna be your 'toy' anymore." Added another boy. Then Lee became suspicious and upset. It must be a lie.

"You guys're absolutely full of shit! Why would you say something like that?"

"Go ahead and ask him yourself." Offered Rob as he and the others moved away to allow Lee to call for Don. He was beyond perplexed now. He was sure they were serious, but the things that Don said must have been a joke or his friends had taken them the wrong way. He sighed, nervously approached his room, and knocked, forgetting to be gentle in the noise.

"Yeah?" Queried his lover. Lee paused as words, alarmingly, could not come from his throat. He believed what Rob had said. It should not have been surprising to him, for Don's mercurial feelings and temperament had become regular now. But for Don to be angry with Lee so fiercely...

"Yeah?" He asked again with more volume.

"Don, it's me." Lee finally managed. He could not believe the fear in his voice, it was as if he knew that Don was dead and he had to face it. But Don was fine. Lee simply did not want to think that what Rob said was true.

"Hi..." It was becoming more and more apparent that Don had some sort of quandary. Lee did not know what to say, Should I say that Rob told me? Should I act as if I knew nothing? The latter would prove frivolous; the anxiety in his voice would give him away.

"Well..." He should tell the truth, he knew that, "I want to see you, man."

"I dunno if I'm in the mood to talk to anyone right now."

"Don, come on, I know there's something wrong. Please let me help you." Don stood from his bed, taking his time, to avoid the head rush, and opened the door to see Lee there. Behind him were his friends. He scowled at them and shook his head in disbelief.

"Why is your entourage here?" He demanded of Lee.

"I don't know. They were here when I got here." He turned to wave his friends off, "Go on."

"No way Lee, we're gonna be right here in case he flips out again." Stated Rob.

Don scoffed and pointed at them, "Fuck you all..." then he looked to Lee, "you too. Can't you leave me alone for five minutes?" Then the door shut. Lee stared aghast at it, the wooden panel nearly smacking his nose as it shut.

Lee stayed motionless, paralyzed by the episode, mouth agape, unable to breath. Rob et all approached and waited for a response. Lee pointed a digit to the door and made a guttural sound, "That... that's not possible." They could see how Lee had been affected, and could tell that it was legitimate pathos.

"Don!" Lee hollered, "You can't say that! How can you say something like that?" Don was not willing to answer; he had been hoping that Lee would simply turn and walk away. There was silence then, no one stirred in the slightest.

"Don, let me in. Please let me talk to you."

The eelnod in question opened the door, "I never hurt anyone, but you have, Lee."

"What the fuck?" Rob blurted, "You beat the hell outta Mary."

"Guys..." Lee hissed to his friends, wanting them to be quiet.

"Physical wounds heal fast. But a wrecked mind doesn't, Lee. You knew you could just manipulate me easily. If you kept it up smoothly, you would have total control over me. Right?"

"Don... I..." Lee was to the point of paranoid confusion. He honestly believed that his lover and those other friends behind him were all plotting some sort of diabolical plan against him. "What is this about? What are you guys doing?"

"Lee, it has nothing to do with them. In a way it does, because you must have done the same to them. But for some reason you decided to go much further with me. You dug into my mind to get that romantic feeling out. Did you even try with those guys? I don't think so. I don't even want to know anymore. All I need to know is that you brainwashed me."

"How did I brainwash you?" Lee gasped. Don did not respond. He stared straight into Lee's eyes. The group of four behind them stared as well, prepared to defend Lee if Don lost his temper again.

"I never did anything to you Don." Lee tried to explain, "How could you think that! I've always been as friendly as possible and tried to be slow so I didn't cross the line."

"Maybe you just couldn't see the line."

"Don, you're scaring me." He tried to reach for contact, tried to grab his shoulders, shake sense into him or hug him. Don did not protest the touch, but when Lee tried to enter, Don held his ground.

"No, I can't." The door shut again and locked.

"What did I do, Don?" He asked, but Don did not reply. He could not put up with any more intrusion in his life right now, and he needed to be free of drama. He hated them all; he especially hated himself. Lee and Mary had tormented him with their particular vices and had tried to mold him to their desires. And every time he realized it, it manifested into anger and he lashed out at them.

What Mary had done needed to be returned in the form her assault. Don felt the urge to attack Lee as well. He fantasized about running to the door, throwing it open, and pouncing upon the black-haired male, throwing his fists to his face and biting his neck until he bled out.

"What did you tell him?" Lee demanded, approaching Rob and raising a fist in preparations to give him a black eye.

"We didn't say shit to him!" Rob whined.

"He said it all himself." Added another, "We don't know what he was talking about. We thought you said you guys were perfect now." Lee shoved them all away and lost his balance, leaning against the wall.

"Get lost, all of you. Just go the fuck away, right now." They obeyed, cowards, for they would not face the wrath an angered and frustrated eelnod again. As the reality of his situation set in, he became slightly numb and the memory of Don's love that evening contorted till it was rendered a dream like hallucination. The fact that Don was only thirty yards from him only made the sudden, spiritual distance unbearable.

Lee tried to gather the thoughts and organize them as they flitted about sporadically. But he could not. The paramount concept in his mind was that Don hated him for a bogus reason that he could not elucidate. Others were there, too: the reasons for Don's past abstinence, his suspected personality disorder, and his violence. They were all tied, Lee knew, and they were all linked to that first one. One or all of those were causing Don to lose his mind and think Lee was ruining him from inside.

He knew it was his fault. He convinced himself of that, something he had done had gone to Don and rubbed him the wrong way. If only he could relax his mind enough to find that particular problem and try to fix it. But he was so oppressed by what Don had said, the very words burning into his mind so hotly that he could not look past to find a solution to their new predicament.

As Don had before, Lee's sinuses flooded with their stinging reaction and he wept uncontrollably.

* * * * * * *

Don had heard the sadness in Lee's voice behind the tears. He had left the glow of the window and stayed near the door, touching it with a paw. He wept too, again, not as veraciously as before or as Lee, but it was just as destructive to his spirits. He wondered if he had been wrong in his assumption, if Lee was not really bringing him down to his level and drowning him the whole time. But it was too obvious; Don had convinced himself of that. There was no way Lee could affect him in such a way without it a particular sort of knowledge from Don.

But what was it? The frustration caused Don to take his fury upon himself. He knew that even if Lee had been controlling him, Don was intelligent and perceptive enough to have seen it. Why then would Don allow himself to be taken like that?

Many hours later, there he stood in the darkness of the night, the moon invisible, and the night warm. He felt his nails poking into his abdomen as he stood in the cold air, growling to himself, embracing himself with his arms. The cloud of emotion within him was crashing against his psyche like a tidal wave. The act brought him to the ground, Don falling onto the stony path with a thump. It hurt, but the pain was commensurate with those emotions inside him. It was a corporeal tangibility that hate, sorrow, guilt, worry, and fury could never give him. He liked how his emotions now bled.

He tried to let go, but part of his mind would not let him. He groaned in panic, pain and anger as he pulled his hands away and scrambled to get of the rough pavement and onto the soft, pleasant grass. With an exasperated sigh, he fell to his face into the lawn and continued his sorrow, trying to let the silence of night and the chilled air comfort him. But after only ten minutes, his eyes still wept very slightly.

"What am I doing?" He asked himself.

"You're looking for an answer, but do you really need the answer now?" He turned onto his back to observe the sky.

"There is no answer." Don argued with himself.

"Yes there is, and you know it already. You need to find out why you are here. You found several reasons for Lee and Mary."

"That's only because I thought there was something hidden in their... in their purpose. Agenda"

"There always is. But it is not as evil as you think. You have your own reasons, right?"

But he did not know. The thoughts did nothing to help, they only made him livid. He stretched forward, swiping at the air in attempts to distract himself, trying to fight his arguments with the claws of his fingers. There was nothing there and the furious waving of his arms only blew the air around to make the mad wind. He grasped with his out-spread fingers and eviscerated the grass, shoveling deep into the soil, and it was strangely comforting. He tore up the ground and threw out the handfuls in boredom. Still he sighed, wanting to be rid of the maddening thoughts and live peacefully from then on.

He stopped caring about Lee and his happiness, he did not care about what Lee thought and worried. Don only wanted to be free of it all. He did not want to go to another session or have his sex manipulated again or to spend another minute in that library. He wanted the insects to come and return him to earth.

And then, he cared nothing for that. He stopped thinking, stopped functioning and simply lay there. Finally, he was happy, he was free of sensation and thought. He could feel the grass and the slight humidity, see faint light, could feel his heart beating, but he was ignoring them. He could focus on one point in space, could feel his aura flicker with the universe. It was the ethereal perception that he had wanted for so long. But the meditation soon evaporated.

"Don." Ivan Benefield said, standing less than a meter from the eelnod. Don glanced up to the human's face in surprise.

"Ivan." He deduced. It was this person that had curtailed his existential venture.

"Don, what are you down here? Why are you lying in the grass? " He stood arms akimbo, face of concern. Don did not care to respond, but it was not in spite. Ivan was the only one of his friends that had not yet betrayed him. Ivan had not yet tried to control him.

"I... really don't know. I was feeling kinda down, so I decided to go for a walk." Ivan nodded and smiled, approached to kneel and obtain an eye level perspective with Don's face.

"I came looking for you. Lee and his friends told me that you had another conflict. Lee was quite upset. Would you care to discuss it?"

"Not really."

"I see. Don, I'm sure you know about bottling up-"

"Yeah, I know, I heard it in that session, all right?"

"Yes, but you may not understand it. If you know of it, then why do you continue your downward spiral?" Don shook his head.

"I can't just figure it all out like that, you know." He stated firmly.

"I know. You eelnods are interdependent Don, and your own necessity for solitude is damning your soul. You need to start talking to me, right now." The two were silent and Don started walking forward, heading in the direction that Ivan had arrived.

"I guess..." But he did not want to talk. He was sick to death of his inner machinations and wanted to be free of them for the rest of the night. "Not tonight, I'm sick of them, all it does is make me more sad."

"That's fine, Don." They began strolling along the path. "Where are you going now?"

"Nowhere, I usually just circle the whole Facility and go to bed after I get to my room."

"Don, you wanna hang out in my quarters for a while? I'd like to talk with you some more, not about your emotions or anything, just some general company." Don sighed again. Being in the presence of this human was enough to distract his mind further from the thoughts of misery and he was glad to oblige.

"Yeah, that'd be cool."

So instead of circling the entire Facility, a feat that would take a half-hour, they spent just over five minutes walking to the second living building. Here was Ivan's room. Don did not pay attention to the direction they walked and only noticed anything interesting when they entered.

The scent of the human was strong here, inevitably concentrated from Benefield living here for so long. The room was much, much larger than Don or Lee's. There was a partition to the left from the door, which lead into extended chambers. He moved slowly, his shy demeanor causing him to be nervous in the new environment. As Don entered further, he saw that Ivan had his own lavatory, there also seemed to be two separate rooms of life: one for lounging and one for sleeping.

Don was immediately drawn to the bookshelf. He approached, dropping his apprehension, and perused. It was mostly textbooks, some fiction, some encyclopedias, and some art books. He pulled out one of the art books and opened to a random page. There was a painting of humans engaged in intercourse. He grinned and chuckled. Ivan glanced over to see what he had found so funny. The human had been removing his shoes and was adjusting the cushions on his couch.

"That's my favorite one." He mentioned as he approached to see.

"Can I look at this for a minute?" He asked.

"Of course."

Don then moved to the couch and jumped up on it, dragging the heavy tome of art onto his lap. Ivan smiled and left the area to the lavatory. There, he used the toilet and washed his hands and face, looking into the mirror to check his hair. It was short, but not close to the scalp and he was clean-shaven. He returned to sit down next to his eelnod friend. The two spent quite a spell looking at and reviewing each picture in the book.

During that time, Ivan had moved a hand up to pet him. Don only glanced to him and smiled flatly at the touch. Soon, the psychologist lost interest in the book and focused on the animal. He ran his fingers along the shape of Don's skull and ears, his shoulders and back. He became fascinated by the texture of his fur and how fine it was, stretched loosely yet not hanging, on his flesh.

Don, too, had faded from the pictures and focused on sensing every touch from the human and enjoying each stroke pattern. Ivan then moved his second had to the eelnod's body. With this one, he scratched Don's neck and tickled his chest. Just like...

The eelnod looked up into Ivan's eyes. It was strange, surreal in every way, to be in that position, to be having this human touch him exactly as Lee had many times before. It was not as exciting though. Don leaned his head to touch Ivan's shoulders. This acceptance was what Benefield had been wishing for in his profession. For the first time, he had an eelnod in his arms and was able to be intimate with him. He moved his head forward, pushing Don's ear out of the way with his chin, and kissed him on his head.

Don then closed the book and pushed it aside to move himself closer to the human. At this, Ivan wrapped his arm around him and brought up hand up to point Don's muzzle upward. He kissed his nose then, Ivan moving his lips down along the snout and licking Don under his eye. Don did not know whether or not to enjoy this sort of contact, even though it was from a human, for it caused him worry again.

As Ivan continued to kiss his lips, licking them, Don not accepting his tongue, he thought about the guilt that had horrified him earlier. The sensuality that he and Lee had shared was intoxicating and marvelous during the time, but later the next day it had caused him regret. He regretted it because he knew he had betrayed Lee in accepting the sex when he knew that he did not truly want to make love to Lee or to be his mate. He had also betrayed his own beliefs.

With accepting Lee's love, he was insulting his friend with dishonesty and was only encouraging it. If he had said 'yes, I'll be your mate', he would have doomed both himself and Lee. With being Lee's lover, he would be tied to the earth and its physical mass till his death. And although he would be happy for a part, it would not totally linger in his mind. Don was set in his mortality, that he despised matter and wanted no part of it.

Don had to stop thinking as Ivan violated him. Down went the human's hand to Don's groin and softly massaged it. Don had not been wearing his clothes the past few days; he never did when locked in his room. The vulnerability had not been noticed until now as Ivan began stroking his phallus in order to arouse him.

"Ivan..." He muttered. He could feel the blood rush to fill his tissue and erect his member to the human's stimulation. Don did not desire it, yet he was not willing to deny his friend, and he was surprised at how fast he was up and fully emerged from the furry sheath. He wanted Ivan to halt and let his cock shrink back inside him, yet part of him desperately wanted the contact. The human intimidated him with its size, but that size also charmed him. The context of the present episode fascinated him and he both wanted it and wanted it to stop.

Ivan contorted to lean his face down and suck Don. At the first feel of the humans tongue and lips, the eelnod felt the presence of anxiety. The thoughts of disaster impeded the process of pleasure, and he could not feel the sensuality that Lee had given him before. The act of such malicious carnality inundated his very soul and he knew that he was betraying himself. He was letting himself be controlled.

But then he caught the human's scent and it shifted his mentality to the limbic system, the physiology taking domination of the eelnod's mind. As this finally allowed him to find pleasure in Benefield's oral stimulation, he released all the pressure and came to his orgasm. After the human swallowed Don and let the eelnod rest, he leaned back and continued to pet him.

Don was in a trance, not from fascination or enjoyment. It was confusion and total undeniable wonderment. Don was losing his mind, more specifically; he was losing his grasp on that concept of release from earth. It slipped from his mind completely, his notions of guilt and betrayal going along with it. And there he sat, lifeless and soul-shocked. Nothing was worth living for, yet there was everything, right in front of him. His worry left and all he could see were the desires of his friends.

It had come in the form of an absence seizure. The electric malady going unnoticed by the human in his romantic nuzzling and kissing. Don looked about the room, observing the fuzzy reality as it became clear again. All the thoughts of death and deceit came rushing back, flying in, his swarm. But now they were in a different fashion. Here, set in his long-term memory, where ideas and facts, either to be taken seriously or just there to be and take up space.

Being in love meant loving life, the planet. Being mated to Lee would keep him on Kologa for the rest of his life, with love's confusion and brain-washing ideas. But as much as Don believed that sort of happiness was so false, it felt real, and it appealed to him enough to convince him. Overcoming himself, and brushing aside his own philosophies, Don was able to see the absolute good in being mated to Lee.

A knock at the door told him that he would have to think about it some other time. Ivan jerked up and moved from the couch, pressing his hand against his groin in order to hide his own erection. He stared at Don apprehensively, waiting for his arousal to return flaccid. He smirked then stepped to open the door. There stood an eelnod with long black hair and faded makeup. Don exhaled and averted his eyes to the floor as they had met Lee's.

Lee had arrived with the notion of speaking with the psychologist about his dilemma. He wanted more advice on what to do about Don, his lover-betrayer. Adulterer. It was all in his head though, just like Don, he had his own machinations. Some thoughts caused misery. Others only antagonized the mind for further mechanics. Lee's own thinking was of Don, that he was his lover and he was responsible for him.

He glared at Don is surprise, utter surprise. Don stood up from the couch, visibly pleased to see him, actually smiling at the sight of his lover.

"Lee, hi." Began the human, Lee moved past the human, pushing him lightly to the side to approach his love on the couch.

"What are you doing here, Don?" He wondered, his tone not of anger or frustration. Don did not want to answer. He wanted to let Lee know the truth, to why he was here and what had happened. But he did not want to speak the words and admit his cruelty outright. Lee could tell what had happened, the smell of Don's sex was still in the air, and even the human's was mildly tangible.

"What were you guys doing?" Lee demanded while turning to Ivan, giving him a hideous grimace.

"I'm sorry, Lee." Ivan said, shaking his head, "It was my doing, Don really did not know of my intentions tonight." Lee continued to stare, though shifting it to Don.

"Don... I can't believe you." His strings had snapped now, the weight of Don's last fiasco having had too much weight. "How long have you been doing this?" This time, Don was ready to answer. He did so by striding quickly past Lee and to the door.

"I want to talk to you, Lee." He needed to get away from Ivan before any more evil was committed, before any destructive words were said. "Please." He begged

"We haven't been doing anything, Lee. This was the first time."

Lee ignored Ivan and considered ignoring Don's request. Unlike Don, the black-haired eelnod was willing to talk and very willing to listen to reason; he would pay attention to Don and not shut his door in his face.

Both eelnods left Ivan's apartment, neither saying goodbye. Don felt his paranoia approaching, knowing that Lee was now furious with him. And what made it worse, was that Lee had concrete evidence that Don was betraying him, whereas Don had no proof of Lee's apparent mind control.

"Can we go somewhere? Can we go to your room, Lee?" Don asked. Lee agreed to it with hesitation, and the males moved along the paths to their living building. Obtaining it, they entered Lee's room. It looked much like Don's own, but was even messier, clothes scattered all over the place.

"Don, I can't understand you!" Lee spoke, his frustration just as strong as it was in Ivan's place.

"Lee, let me explain. It was not my idea, it was his. I mean, I still kinda wanted to, but I knew that I shouldn't have."

"And you just went ahead and did it?" Lee asked of his... 'lover'.

"Lee..." he continued, he had to tell the truth finally, and this would be his last confession to Lee, "I like Ivan just as much as I like you. I was sexual with him, yes. I did not enjoy it though. I enjoyed it with you. That is not a lie. I allowed myself to enjoy you, Lee, because you truly loved me and wanted me. I did not allow myself to enjoy Ivan though, because I knew that he only wanted to be with me simply because I'm an eelnod.

"But I should not have done it with you because I didn't love you, Lee. I don't love anyone. I love not even... myself. I wanted to make you happy, and even if it meant deceiving you, I did it anyway."

Lee moved away from him, keeping his eyes on Don, and sitting down on his bed with a glare.

"I can't, for the life of me, feel happy for more than a day. Not even with you. If I have to live in misery and anger all my fucking life, then I'm going to try like hell to give a little bit of joy to someone else!"

Lee sat motionless, his anger rising with each phrase spoken by his friend. He understood perfectly well, what Don was saying. In a way, he sympathized with him, knowing his ultimate hatred for life and feinting happiness. As a mortal being, he still felt sorrow for what was going on, and even knowing that Don could not understand fully why he was doing these things, he was angry with him... He still loved him.

"I did it with Mary, and you, and Ivan. I didn't love any of you, but I know you wanted me, all in your different little ways you wanted me. But with you, Lee, I almost loved you. I trusted you."

"You trusted me..." He said with sarcasm.

"Yeah." His gaze fell to the floor, to Don's feet.

"But I can't trust you anymore. Because you're a liar and a thief. You stole my heart, Don. And you knew that I was trying like hell to give it to you." He felt a choking in his throat, knowing and accepting his foolishness, "But I knew that you were lying and hiding in your empty soul. I just wanted to get through to you, and I was willing to give my whole life to you just to get you normal!"

"That's why I was so random." Don replied, not sure if Lee would understand his meaning. But Lee did understand.

"Because you knew how far I would go? That's why you don't love anyone, Don. You'll accept me just till I was offering all of me, then you'd stop. It's because you would not have some else's life when you so despised your own. Is that it?"

It was so obvious now. Lee began to weep. The revelation of Don's character causing both the loss of his breath and a stronger desire for his love. Don was sad, once again. That feeling of regret and sorrow inebriating him and causing the toxic tears to come full on. He broke down, falling forward to groan his mourning into the floor, crawling to his lover. Lee stood up quickly in surprise, Don clinging to him, hugging him close, not even able to cry.

"But I love you so much, Lee!" He said with his face buried in Lee's leg, the black-haired eelnod completely naked like his lover. Lee was in shock now, his anger vanishing like dust blown away by a giant breeze. Their eyes met, Don peering up to him pathetically. "I really do love you, Lee. I want to be with you. I'm so sorry that I've been a moron. The more I think about you the more happy I can feel." He was babbling now, but Lee felt he understood. Lee truly was the only one who wanted Don to be happy, and give everything for him.

Lee collapsed then, unable to withstand the sight of Don kneeling and pleading with him, as if begging to be spared of his life. On the floor, Don and Lee embraced tightly, the younger male grasping desperately at his lover, sobbing softly with his dry eyes. Lee was still crying, squeezing Don and nuzzling him as much as possible, doing his best to comfort the boy and let him know that his love, the everlasting love, was still there.

The warmth from both bodies radiated from them equally, comforting Don enough to relax now, lying upon his lover's lap as they crouched, still clinging helplessly to Lee, the older one's existence giving him purpose in life. Lee could only watch and he held Don as close as possible, clinging to him the same. For hours it seemed, neither could do anything else but withstand the flowing aura inundating them.

At the moment, life was misery. But it was being reduced by the love he felt for Lee, and the love returned by him. Don knew well in his soul that living, mortal existence could be tolerable with Lee, it could even be pleasurable. He wanted it; Don wanted the experience of it, no matter how long it lasted. Before his death, he wanted this badly.

Don found the courage, then, to lift his head and look at Lee again, knowing he would see the anger and disappointment there. Of course it was all gone now, only pity and devotion showed. The older of the two frowned, but tried to smile though it. Yes, he pitied Don. His lover had, up to this point in time, been struggling against him, doing and saying everything in his power to stop the torment of Lee's love. But now, it seemed that Don truly desired it. He could now possibly recognize the benevolence of it all.

Lee brought Don's hands up to his chest, pulling in order to get him to sit up on his knees. He hugged Don fully then, wrapping his arms around his weakened friend and kissing the side of his face tenderly.

Then their eyes met again, Don looking at his lover with hope and Lee looking upon him with an expression of the utmost compassion. Lee kissed his mouth, gently holding Don's head in his hands. Don wanted only this: Lee's acceptance of his apology, and he kissed back, meeting Lee's tongue with his own. It became deep and passionate, Lee squeezing Don in their fervor and moaning with happiness.

But Don was too weak now to keep himself upright, so he tugged at Lee's shoulders and brought him to the floor, lying on his back with Lee hovering above him. Lee's touch had never been so tremendous to him, yet also never so gentle; his smell was soothing, it meant peace and love to him now. They continued to kiss deeply, nestled into each other on the floor, Don keeping his friend close to his chest and refusing to let go.

~To be continued.