Ch. 30
Imported from SF2 with no description.
The next day, I translated for Staccato, and for Penance, both of whom appreciated the chance to really talk to Wendy. I was worried it was going to be a bit of a bloodbath, but both were very quick to let go of their grievances, with assurances from Wendy that the things they didn’t like, such as her friends all putting their hands on Staccato’s tail, didn’t happen anymore.
For her part, Wendy was grateful, not at all bitter, but profoundly grateful to know all the things she didn’t, before. She didn’t hold it against me, at all. She did seem a little miffed when Penance and I traded jokes like we were old friends, but Staccato just snorted derisively, and gave her a nudge. She stopped sulking, and spent the time grooming his fur, instead.
When we got back on the road, I kept my thoughts to myself. It was a quiet day, but not a bad one, and we were headed up the mountains once again. I had forgotten just how much the road wound, back and forth up the steep incline. But Staccato didn’t seem to measure any difference, the miles coming and going in his easy measure.
I was grateful that he took things slow for me. As much as I wanted to be there, yesterday, the inside of my thighs were in a sorry state, and I knew that it was only going to get worse if we pushed too hard.
Wendy was oblivious to the discomfort. Well adjusted, and perhaps better dressed for the occasion, she barely needed to stretch when we rested. I felt like I could have traded my spine for bubble wrap and had it sound about the same.
Still, we had covered so much ground, it wasn’t even worth complaining about. The trio had been wonderful to me, were doing me such a big favor, that it would have been an insult to have even mentioned.
It was Wendy that broke the silence, asking me about Tempest. About her closeness to Claire.
“So it doesn’t bother you at all? The two of them?” She asked, looking over her shoulder at me. “I can’t imagine they’re very subtle about it.”
“Not in the slightest, on either count.” I replied. “I’m happy that they’re happy.” I added, trying to ignore the subject. I wished she would move on. Frankly, I was in Staccato’s camp, in regards to her knowing the details. I could go my whole life just fine with her being oblivious.
She had no intention of it. “So what, you just lay there and listen?” She asked, with a teasing smirk.
Staccato chimed in, coming to a halt. “Okay.” He said in a huff, shaking his head. “We are not talking about this.” He said, looking up at her.
When I translated it, she just poked his head. “What’s wrong, embarrassed? Jealous?” She teased, as he stamped a hoof in a huff. “Oh come on, Stacky. Don’t be like that.”
I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t speak up. Just sighed heavily and started walking again, muttering inaudibly under his breath. To her credit, she stopped prodding, and let the subject die.
I didn’t know how she was going to react, I didn’t want to know. In Staccato’s words, I could go my whole life not knowing that, and be just fine. He must have picked up on the mood, because he laughed, and looked up at me.
“You don’t have to live with what you learn from it.” He said, before turning back to the road.
When Wendy asked, I just replied it was an inside joke. Her response was a sulky “Glad you two are getting along.”
We’d made it up over the pass that night, and to the little town I’d spent a good chunk of winter in. As we sat around the pokemon center, I told them about Tempest. And the mine. I left out a lot of how I ended up in there, of course. But I didn’t spare them the details I could remember of being lost down there. Of the trio coming to find me.
Of Tempest saving me, and the price she paid to do it.
Penance was hanging on my every word, Staccato kept glancing at Wendy, and Wendy was cooing over how sweet Tempest was. How brave they were. What a lucky trainer I was to have them.
The nurse recognized me, of course, and saw to it I had at least a cursory follow up. They didn’t bother taking me back to the hospital, but a little poking and prodding later, I had a clean bill of health and a warning to be careful around old mines.
A warning I would have heeded without hearing.
Wendy let Staccato rest that night, despite his protestations to the contrary, and Penance kept the two of us company, curled up between us while we traded stories about life on the road.
He would kill me for it, but he’d have never said it himself. Someone should have. Probably. I was meddling, I knew that, but it was a little too late once I decided to start.
“Staccato likes you, Wendy. He’s hard on you, but he likes you.” I said, with a nod.
“He’s a sweetie, even if he is a jerk. I’ve known him since I was little. Since we both were.” She replied, running her hand over Penance’s head. “I had no idea I’d hurt him so badly.” She added, quietly.
“He’d follow you, wherever you took him. He might cuss and mutter, but he’d be there.” I told her. “No other woman he wants to be around. No pretty mare waiting at home. You were always his girl.”
“Like they are to you?” She asked, gesturing to the pokeballs on my belt. “Don’t bother trying to hide it. I don’t care. Everything I could have needed to know I learned when I found you.” She shook her head, smiling as she glanced at the pokeball at her own waist. “No. I mean. It makes sense. I should have been able to figure it out for myself. With how hurt he was to be left behind.”
I felt a mix of chagrin, and relief, but didn’t bother trying to say anything about my relationship with the girls. We’d have to be more careful in the future. “I think he’ll get better, you know? If you keep him around, I think he’ll be happier.” A long moment passed in quiet before I reached down, scratching behind Penance’s ears. An affection she leaned into, before she realized which of us was doing it. She stared up at me, and I thought she was about to scold me for it, but she just wagged her tail and laid her head back down.
“You’re really good with pokemon, aren’t you?” She asked, with a soft laugh. “Not just… that you can hear them. But you really… you get them. In a way I don’t.” She sighed. “Penance isn’t that friendly to anyone. Not even me, most of the time.”
“I don’t know about that.” I said, as Penance looked up at Wendy. “Being good with them, I mean. Most of the time I just... “ I shook my head. “I make it up as I go. I just want to be good to them. I want them to know I care, and that I’m doing my best for them.” I paused, laughing. “Mira and I, we had trouble at first. She ended up in my care after this and that happened, and I was worried she was just going to end up afraid of me. This was… Tempest, Claire and I were already really close.”
“So how’d you handle it?” Wendy asked, reaching down to pet Penance, who had stirred and was listening to our conversation quietly, occasionally wagging her tail at the affections she was getting.
“Mostly I just kept telling her that she didn’t have to do, or be anything. She didn’t have to fight, didn’t have to train, didn’t have to let me pet her. None of us hid what was going on, we didn’t lie to her. I just gave her time and space to figure out what she wanted.” I paused, and shook my head. “But that wasn’t enough. She knew what I wanted, I had to really learn to listen to her. To her worries, to her joys. To the simple things she loved about life. When I started to understand what she was trying to tell me, that’s when things changed.”
I laughed softly. “You know… she evolved a few rooms down, while I was recovering from my trip through the mine.”
“You didn’t!” She gasped, and laughed. “Oh you did, you dog!”
“She started it. And finished it. It was always her choice.” I replied with a chuckle. “Usually is, these days. She knows what she wants, and she’s not afraid to say so. None of them are… and I think… that’s the best I could hope for. They’re their own women. They aren’t afraid to tell me what they want. We all accept who we are, and who we are to each other.”
She nodded at that, and scratched down Penance’s back. “I’ve always been afraid.” She said, after a minute. “Everyone expected me to fail, right out the gate. To come back to the farm. Nobody thought I’d make it a day, make it a week. Make it through my first gym. Sometimes it seems like all I do is screw up.” She sighed, staring off towards the windows, the encroaching darkness broken up by a few little lights, though it seemed like the whole town had rolled up the sidewalks for the day. "Sometimes it seems like it would be better for everyone if I just... went back. Even though that means proving them right about me."
I shook my head. “Plenty of people have plenty of ideas of what’s going to happen tomorrow, don’t they? Even more ideas about what a person is, or is capable of. You’re still here, still proving them wrong. Just because a tree grows slowly doesn't mean it isn't growing.”
“Mostly I’m afraid I’m letting down my pokemon." She admitted, staring down at Penance. " I…" She hesitated, trailed off. Struggled for a moment to explain. "These past few days have been…” She shook her head. “I’m grateful for what I’ve learned, but I wish I hadn’t learned it, if that makes sense.”
“I don’t know. I think Penance and Staccato really needed to be able to tell you how they feel.” I said, reaching down to run a hand over Penance’s head once more.
She sat up, and Wendy and I both fell silent. “It’s … hard sometimes.” Penance said. “I want to keep you safe, and you keep taking stupid chances.” She paused as I translated. “Sometimes, like now, they work out fine. We do things I’m proud and happy to have helped with. We make new friends, and sometimes they’re really fun.” She sighed, putting a paw on Wendy’s leg before continuing. “Sometimes, I end up having to protect you from something we could have avoided if you had any sense.”
Wendy apologized, but Penance interrupted it. “I don’t want apologies. You always do that. You always say you’re sorry, but what changes? You just go running off to the next disaster, and all I can do is follow and hope I’ll be able to protect you. You always say you’re sorry, but you never really mean that.” She gave me a moment to catch up, and sighed heavily. “You always say you’re sorry, but it’s like I don’t even exist to you. If it weren't you asking me for help, you'd barely talk to me.”
She curled up between us again, and stared up at me with a teasing little smirk. “On the other hand, falling down a mine shaft, walking himself to death, maybe I should just be grateful you aren’t that crazy.”
Wendy giggled at that, but ran her hands over Penance’s back. “I can’t promise I’ll change who I am… but I’ll listen. If you say we shouldn’t, and if Stacky says we shouldn’t, I’ll listen to you two. Okay?” She asked, looking up at me. “And I’ll stay away from mine shafts.”
I nodded, and with a grunt and a push, got up from the sofa we’d been sharing. “Staying away from mine shafts? That’s the best anyone can ask, I think.” I said, sardonically. “I’m going to go get some sleep. You two should, too.”
Wendy grabbed my hand before I left, stopping me. “Hey.” She said, looking up at me from the sofa. “Thanks. For all of this. For helping me understand how they feel.” She smiled, as she let me go, and scooped up Penance, laying back on the sofa as I made my way through the quiet halls and to bed.
I spent a long time holding Claire’s pokeball in my hand, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. Eventually I just pulled the other three out. I didn’t hide how exhausted I was, and they didn’t hide how worried they were. We fell asleep on the floor, all curled up together. For the first time in a while really just… sharing the warmth. Warmth I knew we all needed.
Tempest cried in her sleep, stirring me, and I held her, sang to her. I knew it woke Cocoa and Mira, but they saw what I did. We all held her, and I sang to her, she woke up to gentle, loving, and caring. And despite it all, she smiled. Soft, and genuine, her eyes meeting mine with the same shy expression she had the afternoon before all of this started.
“We’re going on a vacation once things are okay… I promise. All of you. We’ll go see a few concerts, enjoy nice rooms, whatever I can do. So long as we can do it together, I don’t care where we go. I just want us to all be together again.”
My own sleep was troubled, inky black with a feeling like searching, like being lost. A voice, muted and distant, calling to me, but I couldn't speak. I couldn't force a word past my lips. A sound like metal scraping against metal waking me up, my head pounding.
I was alone. The halls were dark, and somewhere in the back of my mind I felt like I was being watched. I tried to get up and everything felt leaden. I heard laughter, cruel and taunting, and felt the flash of pain, phantom lights dancing in my eyes as I staggered back, tripped, fell.
“I’m going to take my woman.”
I woke up. Drenched in a cold sweat, panicked, frantic glancing around the room. Everything illuminated in dim lights and a low echoing hum from air conditioning. Tempest staring up at me from her sudden displacement, her hand worriedly reaching for mine.
Mira’s ribbons found me next, but even she couldn’t soothe me. Not for lack of trying, nuzzling and cuddling up close to me, accepting being there, since she couldn’t be an answer.
Cocoa was still asleep, she was mostly beneath me when I fell asleep, and didn’t get more than a sudden chill at my warmth not being against her. She shivered, and I let myself lay back, trying to forget the fear, forget the gnawing in the pit of my stomach.Trying, and failing. The sounds, the phantom pain, the darkness. It wasn't leaving. It was there every time I closed my eyes.
It was going to be a long day.