FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"I'm cold." thought our protagonist, sloshing through puddles to her apartment.

A human (not a common sight in this world) would notice the water-soaked scales of the shingles.

Or how the windows were carved to imitate an iguana's eyes.

Or the door's keyhole she opened, forged in the shape of a snake's tongue.

These details weren't a single architect's accent to a thesis project.

They were signatures of monster culture.

A culture our main character took for granted. Much like how a human would after living years in the same place. Remarkably similar to a college student, whom our main character looked the most like with the textbooks under her arm.

"I'm hungry." She picked up chocolate on the air as it wafted from beyond her apartment door. With a kick, she made the door swing open, startling her roommate into flight.

"Loka!" said the roommate, a red-scaled dragon with big glasses and little wings. Wings that, despite their size, were strong enough to spill her mug of hot chocolate as she flew. "Where's the fire?"

Loka, who looked like what a shark would bear if it shagged a green carpet, chuckled. "Virgil's. I was..." She dropped her textbooks by the door and stared at the topmost title: Door Physics and Human Architecture. "Serving dishes so hot the fire department had to put me out! That's why I'm wet."

"Oh. I thought it rained." spoke the roommate, brushing her blonde hair aside to sip at her mug. Only to realize her cup was empty, the couch covered in its contents. "Any firefighters give you their number?"

Based on the smile of her roommate's brace-covered teeth, Loka realized it was a genuine question. "No. There no firefighters or fire, Jennette."

"Oh." Jennette frowned, then hovered over to the kitchen. "Guess what Gazer gave us?"

"A portion of her dad's money?"

"Hot chocolate...er...pods!" Jennette shook a box in her hands. "The ones that work with your new machine!"

Loka flashed a tired grin. Her parents had bought her a new Beldura coffee machine for Christmas. Now, she was excellent with purchasing coffee from Strachbucks on the way to class. But an extra roommate had found the new convenience valuable.

"Gazer wished you a late Merry Christmas! Two weeks is better than never, eh?" Jennette said, stuffing Napkins into her sweatshirt as hot chocolate filled the mug.

"Yeah, I mean, it'd take months to receive the gifts from my cousins in the mountains. Them folk got their heads in the clouds, haha." Loka slunk her whole body onto the couch, then recoiled as she felt cocoa on her chin and collar bone.

"I hear the mountain air works wonder on scales. Do you think we could visit your cousins some time?".

"Yeah, sure. Probably." Loka took a mug and some napkins from her roommate and focused her attention on wiping up the couch. Had it really been two weeks since Christmas? The usual excitement of the holiday was dwarfed by New Years'. And not because of the usual fireworks, either.

"Let me get that." Said Jennette, her lithe arms reaching around Loka to help clean.

"I'm going to get tendinitis if I keep having to wipe things."

"But then you can sue for workers comp."

"I'd be lucky to get another free chair." Loka snickered. Content with the state of the futon, she took her seat. "What are we going to have for dinner?"

Jennette landed next to her. "We could save money and have leftovers."

"Let's save it for tomorrow" Loka sipped her hot chocolate and stared at the television ahead. It was tuned to a still-image channel that played holiday music for nostalgia's sake.

"You said that last night, though."

"I promise for sure tomorrow we'll eat what's leftover." Loka kicked up her feet on the ottoman as she spoke to the dragon.

"You also said that."

"If you're so good at memorization, what did I have for lunch today?" She shifted her free hand between the couch cushions in search of the remote.

"I don't remember you packing a lunch."

"That's why I'm hungry." The aging television flickered as the monster's claw clicked the remote. "How about fish."

"Okay!" Jennette cleaned her glasses in her sleeve. "How about lemon roasted fish? Something sour to go with our sweet drinks."

"I change my mind. Fish doesn't make good leftovers." The television stopped on an antique show, much like the ones in our world for old folk. "And I don't think it'd be cheap."

"Well, we could go buy the ingredients, and I could show you how to make it."

Loka waved aside the idea with a lazy claw swipe, making Jennette tisk.

"One of these days, you'll need to know how to cook."

"I'm too smart and creative for that sort of thing. Besides..." Without taking her eyes off the television, Loka beat her stomach like a drum. "If I learn to make food, I'd ruin my beautiful figure with all the eating I could do."

"Well, maybe if you learned how to cook, you could get a new boyfriend." Jennette's heart and wings fluttered as that risky sentence left her mouth. She waved her hands like a drowning man. "I- I mean, a financer or entrepreneur who could encourage your creative side."

"That's what a boyfriend is, you dumbass." Loka retorted, eyes glued to the television. "Now be quiet. I'm interested in this clock they got on the television."

"Looks like ours."

"Ding ding ding." The green monster gulped all of her hot chocolate before talking again. "We get a price on ours. We sell it. Buy a cheaper replacement and pocket the difference before Landy notices."

"What if Landy's also watching and also decides to sell the clock?"

"Then be quiet so we can hear Landy if she decides to come and take it!"

Loka sighed and melted further into the leathery chair. She did want to get rid of the clock, but not for money reasons. Sure extra pocket change would always be nice. But the grandfather clock reminded her of that New Years' in the laboratory.

There, the ticking of the clock filled her ears.

It hung six feet behind the dais. It was simplified, with no markings except at 12 O clock. It had a backlight, making it visible in that dark room on New Years'.

Tick.

She stood behind the glass wall before the dais. And on that dais was the door.

Tock.

The door, that entrance to another world, watching as Loka tapped the keyboard and fired up its power supply.

Tick.

That power supply that two months ago she had broken.

Tock.

That power supply that Loka spent all of her free time trying to reacquire.

Tick.

Two months of patience. Weeks of working at Virgil's. Days of extra work with the engineering department to get access to the lab again. And only on four hours of sleep every night.

Tock.

All to get that portal working.

Tick.

She knew it was for a good cause.

Tock.

There was little fanfare to the event. Loka's eyes were wet, but her excuse was allergies.

Tick.

She didn't say much. There wasn't much to be said.

Tock.

She refrained from giving a hug. Instead, she raised her hand to halt the advance.

Tick.

"This is what you've been waiting for." She tried to hide the sadness in her voice. "Go. Before it breaks again."

Her heart ached to see the look of disappointment.

Tock.

She struggles to remember whether or not there was one last wave. Or even if she had heard a goodbye.

Tick.

Instead, she remembered something he said long ago. When they first met.

Tock.

"A sweet girl like you is a rare find where I'm from."

Tick.

Her last memory is her own denim coat in the doorway. Plastered across its blue folds, the Monsters University logo.

Tock.

Then the door closed.

"Loka?"

"Yeah?" replied the green monster as she heard her roommate.

"Can we watch something else?"

On the television ran two monsters on a beach. Across the edge of the screen, golden text flashed phone numbers and song names. All while sappy love music creaked out of the sound system.

"Oh! ew, gross." Loka stuck her tongue out with disgust as she changed the channel. "Sounds like something my parents would listen to while I slept."

"When they made love?" Jennette spaced out at the television, head filled with thoughts of romance. What would it be like, to run on the beach with a lover?

"Don't say it like that." Loka shivered and jumped off the couch. "And don't bring it up!"

"What?" Now Jennette's focus was on her friend.

"You know what!" Loka moved towards the kitchen with her empty mug and tossed it into the sink.

"What? Your parents?" Jennette pondered.

"Them doing it, dumbass." The fluff lizard opened the fridge and inhaled. The smell of rotting leftovers was enough to put an end to her stomach pangs.

"Well, how else did you come into being?"

"Shut up!" Loka flopped back over the rear of the couch. "I know how things work!"

"How sex works?" A subtle grin stretched across Jennette's face. As if she had found a three-letter answer that completed the crossword puzzle.

"Shsh!" The dragon's roommate raked her claws through her orange and burgundy hair. "Yes! I know how 'it' works. And that 'it' lead to me. No need to bring it up."

"Loka..."

"What?" There was anger in her eyes. And anger in a creature with teeth as sharp as Loka's would make the most daring of humans back down.

But Jennette was not a human. Monsters all were dangerous in some way or another to each other and humans. But the only danger Jennette thought of was what her roommate had gotten into to be so hurt.

Meeting Loka's gaze, Jennette took her glasses off. Her eyes were filled with worry and interest, while Loka's with annoyance and anger. Neither spoke, letting the crackle of television snow fill the air.

Finally, the red dragon turned her head to the side and gave a genuine smile.

"It's okay to be afraid. That just means when you want to do it, and you're still scared, you found the right person."

"Whuh" Loka's cheeks flushed red. "Shut up! You - you have no idea what you're talking about!"

"You don't have to be defensive Loka, I just want to help," Jennette uttered, her tail swishing back and forth with nervousness.

"You don't have to act like your term of psychology gave you a degree!" Growled Loka to her roommate, still upside down on the back of the couch.

"I don't need a degree to see you're unhappy." The anthro dragon pointed a black talon at her roommate. "Before he came and left, not only could you say sex! You could joke about it!"

"Oh, you want a joke?" The green monster used her tail to somersault over the couch and land on her feet.

"You're a joke! You're a sex joke! Your parents had sex and made you, but you suck talking to the opposite sex!"

As these words hit Jennette, the glasses-wearing dragon took her seat.

"You invite yourself to these parties, all giddy and anxious, talking to boys with the excuse you're trying to form a fraternity. AND THEN you find the only boy whose interested is the dean's assistant, looking to coopt your organization to pick up chicks!"

Loka brought her claws to hang in the air over her roommate.

"And then! While I'm working my fur off at Virgil's, you're at home, fantasizing about boys, getting all buddy-buddy with MY BOYFRIEND at the time!"

She prods Jennette's flat chest with a claw.

"He spent more time with YOU than with ME! But he didn't fuck you!NEVER! Not once did either of you smell like each other! Because at the end of the day, your greatest 'sexual conquest'? Asking the professor if you could to the restroom!"

To capitalize on her point, Loka jumped, and as she landed, yelled, "BITCH!"

Panting, she stumbled backward and landed on the ottoman. Jennette was petrified, pale blue eyes stuck staring at the ceiling. A delta of tears covered both of her cheeks as her mouth budged ever slightly open to a muted rhythm of sobs.

The green tyrant's black eyes widened as she stared at her roommate. "Jen?" She placed her hands on the scaly roommate's shoulders and shook her. "Jen?"

Loka gave a tight hug and patted her roommate's back. A stream of "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" left her mouth, but Jennette didn't budge. Instead, the blonde-haired dragon closed her eyes and rested her hair on her friend's shoulder as they hugged. "I never...never..."

"Never what?"

"Never steal a boy from you."

Jennette sniffed and returned the hug as tightly as she could. For a minute, the girls embraced one another until the sobs ended with a statement.

"I just want to help you, Loka."

"I know."

"You don't deserve to be this hurt."

"I'm not hurt, Jennette." The fluffy one brushed aside her hair and rubbed her horns. "I'm perfectly fine, okay?"

Grabbing an unused napkin from in between the couch cushions, Jennette blew her nose and said, "Okay."

"Is it alright if I hit the hey?" She had thought about going to bed earlier than usual back at work.

"Yeah. Sure." Jennette scooted away and brushed her hair to the side. All the crying had caused little cowlicks to burst from her blonde bowl-cut. "But if you need anything, you'll come to me, right?"

As her roommate spoke, Loka was already off the couch and entering her room. "Goodnight!" she called and then slammed her door, partially on accident but primarily out of anger.

Loka breathed a sigh of relief and jumped onto her bed. It was comfortable, no different from a human bed. It was disorderly, sheets and comforter on the floor as much as on the bed. Rolling onto her stomach, Loka gazed at the mirror at the front of her room.

It was tall enough to almost reach the ceiling, requiring two monsters to move it into the room. The frame was iron, shaped like a cobra unfurling its hood. Its scratched surface reflected herself, especially Loka's burgundy-colored hair adorning her furry head. She'd meant to go out and get a haircut for a while. As far back as Halloween. Then, of course, that thing happened. And then saving cash became important.

The orange fur around her eyes became the center of her attention. Loka realized that, beneath the yellow fur surrounding her eyes, were bags.

"Great. I'm starting to look like a stereotypical waitress."

The prospect of having to be a waitress forever made her feel disgusting. Kneading hair between her claws and being reminded of the hot chocolate on her neck tuft, Loka contemplated a shower.

"No, I can't. Not since last month's bill."

Ignoring the stickiness in her fur, Loka got undressed.

Standing, the furry lizard's chest was just over the bottom of the mirror. The soaking wet pink collared shirt Loka wore was tight against her chest. Once unbuttoned, she breathed easy, c sizes no longer vice gripped by her boss's cheap uniform.

"Typical penny-pinching Virgil!"

She took a seat on her upholstered bar stool, a gift from Virgil for her first day of work. Keep in mind it was not out of kindness; Virgil and a customer had gotten into a fight. The stool flew over Loka's head and smashed a window. In exchange for being quiet to the investigators, she got a raise and a new chair.

The memory made her smile as she undid the string binding the skirt to her tail. The last time she told this story, her audience had gotten mad. Fury filled his eyes like he was ready to go and beat Virgil. Even if it meant he wouldn't be able to go home.

Of course, she talked him down. The money was necessary for his cause, and eventually, Virgil got on anger medication, and the chair turned out to be pretty valuable. Even if it squeaked, especially as she wiggled her butt, removing the skirt.

Once skirtless, Loka sought to rid of her panties. The pink silk, fabric as thin as an old grandmonster's doily, slid down her green furry thigh with no resistance. They were the only recent purchase that went against her frugality. Two months without privacy meant two months sweating in her sleep. Her 'pajamas,' whatever t-shirt and briefs she wore for work that day, became loose with wear. When her guest left, she'd toss the old stuff, then get something easy to slip in and out of. Not because it made her feel cute.

Of course, she never asked him if she could sleep naked. She didn't want him getting the wrong idea. Or her feeling tempted. Or her acting out of those temptations. That would've made things more difficult.

The monster clasped her hands skywards and stretched, letting the unnerving pops from her back preoccupy her mind. When the last crackle gasped from the tip of her tail, she breathed a sigh of relief. Off the stool, she hopped, but her speed caused it to topple. With a quick flick of her third appendage, she righted the chair before it hit the ground.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Loka thought with pride, "No waitress is as quick as me." Picking up a brush, she worked the knots out of her hair. "No, no door technician is as quick as me!" She pointed the brush towards her neck through the mirror, scanning her body while striking a profile pose. "I will not pretend this side job will become-"

Then she saw the back of her shirt in the mirror.

"Monsterfucker!"

Her fuzzy green back poked through the (monster) cotton shirt. Collar split in two, the cut continuing halfways down her uniform. Had she been like this all day? And no one pointed it out to her? No wonder she had felt particularly drafty outside.

Full of anger, Loka yanked the top over her head. One of her horns hooked in the tear as she pulled. Splitting the shirt into two chocolate-smelling halves.

"Gah!" She ripped and tore the fabric. Then stomped to her trash bin, threw the rags in, and then kicked the bin.

"Stupid cheap shirt from a stupid mad boss that paid stupid low cash-" Loka's string of complaints ceased as she righted the bin. It had fallen on her laundry pile, atop its white peak; A large, loose white v-neck.

A twitch of her tail and catch in the air the fluffy lizard pulled it to her muzzle and inhaled. A smile creeps across her face.

It was his.

She donned the v-neck. The loose-fitting shirt was always tucked into his jeans, hiding its actual length. On her, it reached the yellow stripe of her kneecap.

Feeling equipped for bed, Loka returned to her place under the amalgamation of covers and closed her eyes.

But she didn't sleep.

A desire filled Loka's mind. A need causing her fingers to twitch, hands to grasp. The pillow beneath her head was shifted, now pressed against her chest. A familiar aroma rose off the cushion. Then Loka realized what was bothering her.

A week ago, she had been sharing this bed with her 'other' roommate. A being from another world. Or rather a parallel dimension. A human male.

It was Halloween night. Whether it was arrogance or interest, the short she-beast decided to mess with an experimental door. He was the first product of that foray; The depletion of the door's battery was the second. Two months and some legwork were needed before a second battery could be purchased. Forcing Loka to be stuck with the human until then.

Only by the skin of her fur-covered nose did she successfully get him home. Monsters celebrate Halloween, just like humans. Loka called him a shaved Sasquatch, and no one batted an eye. Maybe it also had something to do with her calling him' boyfriend.'

Moonlight shined across a sliver on the pillow, and Loka plucked it out. A long brown hair. At the end of those two months, she wasn't the only one in need of a haircut.

The first weekend he was there, Loka's roommate had no trouble. When Monday came, and the 'shaved sasquatch' hadn't left, then the inner mother of Jennette awoke. Pesky questions like "Where were you born?" "Where do you work?" "What is your mother's maiden name" filled the air for a week. That dragon wasn't trying to blow the operation wide open. Those questions were just Jennette's means of vetting if her roommate had found a worthy partner. Of course, the man had no proper answers at first. Loka had to feed him info during her spare free time. Then he screwed up the answers, trying to remember them, resulting in more questions. Finally, he got Jennette to shut up by simply saying, "My head hurts."

At least he could say for sure that his first name was "John."

Three weeks after Halloween, Jennette came up with a new reason to worry.

The sasquatches' shaved hair had not yet returned.

Why else did he never leave the apartment?

"He is embarrassed because his charity-donated fur had not yet returned." Jennette thought. "I will not let my roommate/best friend's possible future spouse suffer."

And so one night, Loka returned from Virgil's. Tired just like she is now. Hungry as she approached the door. Only the air didn't taste like chocolate. It was a smell that remained the same no matter you were from a man or monster world—the smell of bleach.

Inside the apartment, through the bathroom door, Loka saw her roommates. Jennette was in fumigation gear, visor fogging up as she worked steel wool into John's bare skin. John, standing so that he was visible from the living room, was naked.

Visions of John's body come flooding back. Loka hugged the pillow, trying not to remember specific shapes and estimated measurements.

Back then, she had barked at Jennette for laying her hands on her boyfriend.

But John backed Jennette up. He played along with the unnaturalness of him not regrowing his body hair. Maybe it was the chemicals seeping into his brain through the skin. But it seemed like he was casually showing off to Loka.

Jennette was the one to call it off. Her face shield was white as fog. "Can you leave John and close the door? I need to shower."

In their bedroom, Loka chastised her' boyfriend.'

"You nearly broke your cover!" She hissed as John dressed, eyes focused on his face. She resisted the urge to look a gift horse in the mouth. But her peripheral vision was as good as her visual memory.

Spreading her legs over her pillow, Loka struggled internally. "I'm keeping myself from getting horny. No horny."

To stave off lust, she remembered something annoying he liked to say.

"For someone only pretending to be my girlfriend, you're awfully defensive."

The night she found him in the bathroom with Jennette, he said that. And that night, he slept on the floor with only a sheet. At least, that his condition when they said goodnight.

By some act of a monster god, Loka had found herself falling out of bed. Chest crushed against John's back. Limbs trapped by comforters and blankets. Barely able to breathe with her muzzle pressed against his neck. It was pure coincidence that night was the longest, and best Loka had slept in a while.

It was also very coincidental that the pillow smelled like him. And the v-neck, currently hiked up against Loka's chin under the covers. And every other article of clothing she just so happened to have gotten a whiff of.

It was a lovely smell, an aroma that awoken a pleasant memory deep within Loka's psyche. Of a trip taken long ago to Monster's incorporated. Way back when she had ponytails. When the licks of flame-orange that ended her hair were barely visible. When her every step clicked like a soldier's boots because she hadn't learned how to be stealthy. That pale lit room amid her other classmates, between rows and rows of yellow canisters, stored for upcoming shipment to the conversion facilities. That oversized, fat tour guide using all four of his arms on one of the fear containers. The screams that followed screeches, so gut-wrenching, even the old hag of a teacher found her knees shaking. Despite the need to keep her hands to her ears, Loka did find something so blissful about that event.

The smell of fear.

A fragrance so delectable it became why Loka wanted to go to monster's university. Why she wanted to be a scarer.

To taste fear in the air.

Once more, the green monster huffed the pillow's scent.

That was the upside of the Halloween incident. She denied it, but in her subconscious, she knew she was the luckiest monster in the world. No longer would Loka Iscennah need to go to college in hopes of getting a fear high. She had a direct source of fear, after all.

John was coated in it. Sweated it, breathed it; he was fear's physical embodiment. Nothing proves that than when Loka had John in her car.

Outside, it was the height of monster Halloween. There is no difference between how it's celebrated between the worlds. Both societies put on the drags that instill fear. And just as man dressed as monsters, monsters dressed as man.

To and fro frolicked ghastly abominations outside the car window. Paper mache human baby heads bounced on multi-eyed blobs. Ghouls in two tones and three pieces goose-stepped across the pavement. Giants tread over apartment buildings wearing human politicians' faces, only even more skeletal.

John's fear-filled the car. Loka's mind was a battlefield, a conflict between guilt and excitement. She could've comforted him, but she had to pay attention to driving. To avoid all these trick or treaters that jaywalked. And maybe breath in that smell a little longer. It calmed her, made her a better driver. When John started to relax, and fear became a curiosity, her driving worsened. Of course, not on purpose. That intersection by her apartment was always stressful on Halloween. So, of course, she flashed him a toothy grin. To reassure him of her confidence in driving. And, of course, the air got thicker. But that fear was brought on by accident...

In the present, excuses and past sins filled Loka's mind to the brim. Eventually, it all collapsed, and the monster girl forgot everything. Not the basic stuff like who she was, where she was, and how to breathe. But simply everything that had made her stressed.

So she did what all wise creatures do when stressed.

Deep breath in.

Loka thought how nice it would be, sitting by a campfire, hugging John like friendly roommates do.

Deep breath out.

A nice charred steak in her stomach, quaint music in the air, and a good friend to hug.

Breath in.

His big strong arms gripping hers.

Breath out.

Warmed by the ember of the coals.

In.

Coals.

Out.

And just like that, her eyes close as her tongue lulls out. Saliva drips around her dagger-like teeth onto the pillowcase. The first snore bellows from her chest. The light of the moon wanes as a cloud passes overhead.

Complete darkness.

The smell of fear is ripe.

Then her eyes open. "He was afraid." She mumbles. "In that car, he was afraid and had every right to be."

Loka had only just convinced him to get in the car. They barely avoided the college dean and several drunken monsters. How much trust did he place in her? Trust this monster, the reason he was so far away from home? Who was now driving him through alien territory, infested with nightmarish beasts inside a claustrophobic car?

"I'd be afraid too." Loka thought, twirling the comforter around her finger.

But he was so quick to take on the boyfriend label. Would Loka pretend to be someone else's SO just for protection? If John was really afraid, he would've never cuddled her like he did the following day.

Never.

Hundreds of feet in the air outside the clouds thickened. The rain returned, and soon the windows of the room grew wet with dew.

Against the pillow, Loka rubs her head, intermixing her and John's fragrance.

John was still afraid as he cuddled her. And while bringing her to bed. And while he slept, head against the pillow now pressed to the she-monster's chest. Often the same long cushion that they shared.

He seemed to produce a lot of fear around her.

Lifting her head to examine the cushion, a disturbing question became Loka's focus.

"Was John afraid of me? Always? All the time, every moment, every night we said goodnight before sleeping in the same bed?"

The clawed tips of her fingers embed themselves with a twitch into the blue pillow's soft fabric.

"Why didn't I realize he was afraid of me? Did I love it so much, I didn't care why I kept smelling it?"

Her heartaches. "Does that mean the whole cutesy boyfriend act was just that? A facade to prevent me from harming him?"

She tugs at her collar and then stops. Originally, Loka had traded her denim coat for this. The excuse was the shirt was getting yellow and in need of a clean. John could wear her jacket; it was oversized enough to fit him. And he did, right up until he walked through that door and disappeared to the human world.

Around her pointer claw, Loka twists the collar, letting the folds tighten against her neck. Was John too afraid to ask for his shirt back? She had used a particularly stern tone to ask for his v-neck. In fact, it was the same tone that accompanied her "No, we're NOT a couple" reply. But he never took that seriously. Would he this one instance? Why? Could he always have?

But then why would John constantly ask if they were a couple?

Having twisted her collar too tight, Loka's raptor-like claw plucks itself free of the shirt.

"Maybe he wasn't asking to be my girlfriend to tease me." In the darkness, somewhere in Loka's room, a neglected history book gathers dust. "Maybe he was looking to forge an alliance to guarantee his protection. Maybe me turning him down made him fear I would eventually turn on him. So he took my coat as a sign of protection. Like a... like a madcow accepting a brand from his owner..."

Somewhere, in Loka's room, the radiator ticked and churned alive.

A raspy chuckle leaves the monster's dry mouth. "Only you could come up with such a stupid idea!" She thought. "Why would John be afraid of his only ticket to leave?"

Her laughter becoming harder to control, Loka pressed her muzzle into the pillow. But that wasn't what stopped her chuckles. It was a sudden realization that she had answered her own question.

The monster sinks her teeth into the fabric, biting so hard cooling gel drips through the hole into her mouth. "Of fucking course. That was exactly it."

John was just trying to kiss up to her so he wouldn't be trapped. When he couldn't get to be her girlfriend, he settled for pet. He donned Loka's coat like a devil dog with a collar. Anything so he could get home. Even going so far as to convince her that he had feelings.

With that last thought, the aches turn to straight-up pain. As if a needle were plunged into the green furries' still-beating heart.

Yanking the pillow out of her maw, she holds it over the edge of the bed. A mixture of anon's fear and the cushion's innards rest on her tongue. Her mind draws blanks as an indefinite amount of time passes. Then, she drops the pillow.

"Why do I even care?"

Her arms flop over the side of her bed.

"Why worry over how he felt?"

As far as she was concerned, John's feelings didn't matter. What mattered at the time was getting him out of her hair. So long as she didn't get in trouble, nothing mattered. The attachment was just a side effect. The relation between a beautiful smell to its producer. Like how a smoker regards the stench of tobacco. After all, jokes about John dating her she saw as disgusting. What does she care if he didn't actually like her?

Turning to face the opposite wall, Loka cushions her head with her arm. "Besides, it doesn't matter anyway. He's gone."

He's gone.

The pain in her heart triples, quadruples, quintuples. Tears gather in Loka's eyes. Wiping them away with the tattered collar of the shirt, she cries more. His smell now blanketed the fur of her face.

In one motion, the shirt is yanked over Loka's head and towards her desk. The edge of the cotton whips over a yeti-shaped lamp. Falling off the desk, it shatters.

Though tucked in tufts, the slight draft perks her nipples. But she didn't care. She just wanted to sleep.

Laying on her back, staring at the ceiling, Loka doesn't twitch to the knocking on the door.

"Loka, everything okay?" came a distraught voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Jen-"

"Are you still thinking about John?"

Loka contemplates stapling that lizard's tail to her forehead and pushing her down the fire escape. Then she chuckles. "Anon would find that funny." She thinks before wincing, heart-throbbing more.

"Loka?" Jennette asks. But a reply doesn't come. Instead, the green fluff lizard holds her breath.

The grandfather clock ticks. A minute passes. Then the floorboards outside the creek against the dragon's night sandals. "Okay. Sleep well..."

With the sound of her roommate's door closing, Loka exhales.

"Night sandals." She whispers, rolling her eyes in the dark. She knew her roommate had problems with leg cramps when she slept. And apparently, wearing sandals in bed prevented them. "Stupid. She should've just followed John's advice and -"

Loka beats her chest like a drum and coughs. For the last time that night, she is on her back, taking deep breaths. Her covers are off the bed, clothes cover everything but her, everything smells like him, and he. John. He wasn't there.

"I'm... Lonely..."

Loka looked into the wet, dark night on the other side of the window. She didn't know what time it was. But it was still night, and a night in winter lasts a long time.

In haste, the green monster tumbled out of bed. Sifting through her clean clothes, she worried about what John found attractive. With her outfit picked, Loka also nabbed the fear-scented v-neck and took a whiff.

"I should take a shower." Loka thought as she shuffled silently out of her room. "Did he prefer screech or lavender?"

Meanwhile, through a crack in a door panel, peered a specific dragon's aqua eyes.

--