Uncomfortable Seats
#33 of Hockey Hunk Season 3
Victor's got a tall tale to tell.
Hehhey, folks, and welcome to the Hockey Hunk!
The Lurker Challenge has paid off quite handsomely, and what else could I do but to post this extra chapter, in your honor? *chuckle* I must admit that I had an awfully lot of fun writing this one, so I hope that it'll be a fun read to you as well. At least the plot's going to be going forward in interesting ways.
Challenge over or not, don't forget to comment! All the feedback is always appreciated.
See you on Friday!
*
Shit, shit, shit, bored, shit.
"Mister Holden?"
My ears perked up.
_ _
If this is it I'll start singing Hallelujah.
"Yes?" I said.
"The doctor will see you now, sir. Would you follow me, please?" the raccoon nurse spoke to me.
"That's great."
I followed the raccoon along the big counter and then into a small hallway, before she opened a door and gestured for me to enter. The smell of disinfectant was strong in the room, and mostly masked the scents of the two furs already in there. White coats, and stethoscopes around their necks. Pretty basic set-up, as far as I knew. A desk, a chair, a sinister-looking steel cart loaded with medical gear, and a computer running. There was a bare white examination table there, set near the wall, with those oversized lamps above.
"Mister Holden," the nurse announced as she walked past me and handed a writing pad to the elder of the two furs in white coats, a lady fox wearing glasses and a casual smile.
_ _
If this is what I think it is, damn.
"I'm Doctor White, one of the attending doctors, and this is medical student, Mr. Berkowitz, who is studying here with us at the moment", the fox greeted me, and then waved a paw in the direction of the male, a very young-looking wolf who was wearing a striped tie with his lab coat.
_ _
Damn right. Kid doctors.
"Do you object to his presence during the examination?"
_ _
I don't think I've got any choice here do I? It's US' health insurance paying for this too so what do I do?
"No," I shook my head.
I object!
"Excellent," the fox said as she began to leaf through my papers. "Please sit down so we can make a couple of preliminary questions."
What, no taking off my shirt yet?
I fit myself onto the chair and sat calmly while the fox settled by the computer and read her notes quickly before she turned to look at me again.
"And you're Victor Holden...born in...1980..."
"Yeah."
Now that was easy.
_ _
"And you're an accountant, yes?"
I nodded.
"Yeah, that's me," I said. "I've been working since May for United Stationery here in Kirk."
"It's a desk job?" the doctor asked.
"Yeah, it is," I nodded, scratching my ear.
"Mister Berkowitz, health problems associated with sedentary work?" the fox spoke almost casually in the direction of the other canine.
Oh shit...
_ _
The wolf's ears perked, and he immediately launched into a tirade.
"Joint problems, back pain, especially lower back pain, lumbago, sciatica, neck pain, thoracic outlet syndrome, carpal tunnel syndrome, tennis elbow, obesity, indigestion, constipation, elevator blood sugar, decreased sugar tolerance, type 2 diabetes, metabolic syndrome, GERD, ischemic heart disease, stroke, peripheral artery disease, arthrosclerosis and...hmm...headache!" the wolf's tail flicked victoriously.
The fox smiled.
"Pretty good," she said before turning her eyes on me again. "Do you suffer from any of these, mister Holden?"
"The occasional neck pain, but I try to stand up and stretch a bit while at work, and I exercise regularly," I explained. "I play hockey, and hit the gym pretty often, and I also walk regularly. Never had much trouble with my weight."
"And so says the papers, too," the doctor replied, eyes moving between me, her notes, and the wolf.
I still fail to see how this has much to do with my piss smelling weird.
_ _
"And I see that your primary complaints are pain during urination and increased frequency, yes?"
I nodded.
"Yeah. I go and it feels like it doesn't all come out and soon I gotta go again," I explained. "And it hurts a bit here, sometimes."
I touched my index finger around the top of my sheath, through my shirt, and felt their eyes on me curiously. The doctor eyed my fingers for a moment and then nodded.
"Is it a strong pain? Does it happen when you urinate?"
"It feels a bit like a...pressure, I suppose, and it comes for a little while and then disappears."
She took a pen and made a couple of notes onto the papers I couldn't see from where I sat.
"How long has this lasted?"
"Maybe three or four days, I think."
And it's starting to get not funny.
_ _
"Do you have any general symptoms?" Fever, chills, joint pain, tiredness? Back pain?"
"I don't think so," I said. "It just isn't very serious, but it's starting to get annoying, having to go every half an hour."
"Is the pain only present when you urinate?"
"It comes and goes every now and then, and it has happened a few times when I was urinating as well."
More writing.
"Have you noticed any blood or any discoloration in your urine at all? Any smell?"
Nice one. The things these furs have to go through every day.
_ _
"Well, I suppose it smells somewhat odd but I don't think I've seen anything odd about the color. Just regular yellow and clear, if I've been drinking lot."
"Do you use alcohol regularly, or smoke?"
"I drink a beer or some liquor occasionally, but more rarely than once a week, usually. And I don't smoke."
The fox smiled and added a couple of ticks to her notes.
"It seems that you have quite the healthy lifestyle, mister Holden," she said. "But we have to explain that discomfort, however."
"I'd sure like that," I huffed.
"Have you ever been treated for a urinary tract infection or have you ever had any problems with urination before?"
"No, I don't think so," I said. "At least I can't remember I ever had any problems."
"I see," the fox said. "Mister Berkowitz!"
Oh damn, the wolf again...
_ _
"Yes, Doctor?" the wolf yipped.
"What's the most common etiology for UTI?"
The wolf snapped his fingers.
"E. coli," the wolf declared proudly.
The wolf got a look from the fox.
I think he's busted.
_ _
"That is true, mister Berkowitz, but have you considered the clinical presentation?"
I don't think he did.
"Dysuria, increased frequency, discomfort. It's a classic presentation," the wolf seemed smug.
The fox nodded.
"Indeed, but there is one possible etiology we didn't cover yet, mister Berkowitz," the vixen said, before turning her brown eyes on me once more. "Mister Holden, are you sexually active or have you been sexually active for the past thirty days?"
My ears went up a bit, but I kept my calm.
Shit, of course they have to make these kind of questions too. Damn. Why didn't I think about this? It's not like I only piss with the thing.
_ _
"Yes."
"Aha!" the wolf said.
I gave him a quick look that seemed to take his gleeful smile down a notch.
Don't you start getting any ideas, boy.
"Do you have a regular partner?" the vixen asked.
I nodded.
"Yes," I said. "For about the past six, seven months, I guess."
The vixen smiled.
"Well that's nice," she said.
The wolf cleared his throat.
"Uhmm...Doctor?"
The vixen's eyes remained on her notes.
"Yes, mister Berkowitz?"
"It could be...uh... neisseria or trachomatis," the wolf said.
I gave him a look.
Talking in code now? What the fuck? Less Latin please!
_ _
The vixen was onto me again.
"Mister Holden, have you ever been treated for an STD, or are you aware that your partner would have been treated for an STD?"
I bet Ismail would get a laugh over me being poked liked this, especially over him.
_ _
"No," I said sternly, "and I don't think so. Why, do you think this could be transmitted by sex? Like an STD? I don't want to give it to my partner or anything like that, if it comes to that or something. What are you thinking?"
The vixen gave me a look.
"It is a possibility that your symptoms are caused by something that can be sexually transmitted, and that's why I have to make some additional questions. Do you object to that?"
Fuck...
_ _
"I guess I don't have a choice."
"Mister Berkowitz!"
The wolf's eyes flicked towards a latex glove dispenser on the wall and I wondered whether he was already envisioning all the brave medical procedures he'd be getting to practice on my sorry hide.
"Yes, doctor?"
"Could you get the number 16 form from the shelf there?" the vixen pointed at a bank of little cubbyholes on the wall that were filled with printed papers, I saw, on my glimpse following the movement of her paw.
What the hell is that?
_ _
"Yes, ma'am!"
The wolf rushed away on his errand.
"Do you mind if mister Berkowitz runs the questionnaire?" she asked.
I really don't like this.
_ _
"Why not?" I smiled a bit, the way the office girls liked me to.
"I've got the form, here!"
The vixen grabbed the writing pad and a pen from the desk and handed them over to the wolf.
"All yours, mister Berkowitz."
The wolf gave me a passionate look before he clicked the tip of the pen out and then let his eyes roam the unseen paper in front of him now.
"Do I need to sign in the basic information too?" he asked, turning towards the vixen.
Kids.
_ _
"Just the name for now," the vixen doctor replied. "Start from box 4."
"Hmm...alright...male..."
The pen scribbled.
"And off you go then. Just take them in the numbered order."
"Yes, ma'am!" he bellowed like a drill sergeant before turning to look down to me again.
I bet his grandma is proud of a doctor in the family.
"Alright...Do you have sex with men, women or both?"
Fucking almighty.
_ _
I tensed a bit, but let it out.
"Men. Only men, I guess."
The wolf's ears jumped, but kept his calm. Good for him.
"Remember to tick the MSM box on number 6, mister Berkowitz."
The wolf nodded rapidly and made the needed markings that labeled me as someone who liked doing it with dudes.
I'm gonna give Ismail such an earful over this tonight.
"In the past two months, how many sexual partners have you had?"
"Just one, my partner."
Woo.
_ _
"In the past twelve months, how many sexual partners have you had?"
Now that's a bit more complicated. But surely this can't be...that.
_ _
"Two, I think, and just about. But it's almost a year since that...other one."
"Uhm, okay...ahh...box seven...what do you do to prevent pregnancy?"
My ears did a good flap on that, and the fox almost lost it, too, because I saw her nose wrinkle, from the corner of my eye, while I was busy looking up to the serious face of the trainee.
Well he deserved this.
_ _
"Just been lucky so far, I guess."
The vixen snuffled sharply.
"You can skip that one and go on," she sounded amused.
The wolf sure looked several years younger when he moved along to the next embarrassing and very personal question.
"What do you do to protect yourself from an STD or the HIV infection?"
I wonder if by ticking that gay box you had to go down the gay sex question path, like some sort of a fucking choose your own adventure thing.
_ _
"I use the condom, and don't have random sex with furs I don't know. I only have one regular partner."
"Hmm...okay, I now have to ask about...uh...recent sexual practices to determine the risk of STD transmission...hmm...doctor?"
"Yes?"
"Do I need to ask...box number 14?"
The vixen doc nodded.
"It's a CDC form, you really have to ask all the questions so that it's valid."
The wolf sure didn't look happy.
"Have you had vaginal sex? That is, the penis enters the vagina."
Who the fuck made these questions for who? And does he really think that I don't know that the dick goes into the pussy? Is there really someone who doesn't?
_ _
"That's an empathetic no, I'd say."
"Uh, alright...have you had anal sex? That is, the penis enters the..."
Okay, even I have my limits.
_ _
"Yes."
I hope that didn't sound quite too enthusiastic.
_ _
The wolf sure looked like it. when he did his tick.
_ _
"When performing anal sex, do you use a condom always, sometimes, or never?
Well this is an easy one. Hope it's gonna make them happy.
_ _
"Always," I said. "Either way."
"Either way?" the wolf's ears perked.
"That means a yes, mister Berkowitz, go on," the vixen advised.
I sure hope they teach them at least that in the medical school.
_ _
"Have you had...oral sex?"
"Yes."
"Hmm...I think we covered this one already, but have you ever had an STD?"
"It's still a no."
Hell damn yes.
_ _
"Has any of your partners ever had an STD?"
"I wouldn't know, and I sure can't remember anyone ever telling me. Though I've always made clear I only play it safe and clean, you know."
Maybe he doesn't know. Seems pretty damn young.
_ _
"Have you ever injected drugs or have any of your previous partners injected drugs?"
I wonder if the CIA uses this same form. Maybe I should tell him I only have sex while on LSD.
_ _
"I sure haven't, but again, I can't tell except about my current partner, and the answer is no."
"Has any of your partners exchanged sex for drugs or money?"
Or is it the Kirk City Police Department then? Busting manwhores via questionnaires trying to lull them into a false sense of security..
_ _
"Is there anything else about your sexual practices I need to know about?"
How about that session of poppers and fisting and barebacking I have every week at the dirty sex dungeon?
_ _
I shook my head.
"Besides what I told you, I don't think so. I've only been with one guy for the past months and have always used a condom."
The wolf nodded.
"I think that's the last question," the wolf said, his eyes moving to eagerly look at the calmly sitting vixen.
"Your findings then, mister Berkowitz?" she asked.
Now I hope she won't let him go easily with this stuff.
_ _
The wolf cleared his throat quickly.
"Well...uh...the history seems quite...regular...no random sexual contact or hazardous practices, or drugs..."
Couldn't they just stop yammering about fucking and get to the point?
_ _
"Quite true, mister Berkowitz," the vixen. "Mister Holden, however, because of you belonging to a high risk group due to your age and your partner, we have to perform a brief examination and obtain a test for the purpose of determining whether your symptoms are caused by a sexually transmitted disease."
Oh for crying out loud. What the fuck did I do wrong besides screwing a guy? That already makes me high risk? Jesus...
_ _
"Well I haven't noticed anything weird in my...penis!" I said.
They sure as fuck can see that themselves if they're going to poke at my junk. There's nothing wrong or different about it.
_ _
"We also need an urine sample, and I have to perform a rectal examination."
Okay now this is becoming foreign airport territory here. I'm not smarting when I take a crap and Ismail would've sure as hell noticed if there was anything wrong with my ASS!
_ _
"Oh?" I tried to sound as calm as possible.
"It's a standard precaution, for your health. The tests themselves won't take long to process, and you should be out of here within the hour once we get the sample taken."
At least that sounds quick enough. I don't want to go on pissing like this another whole day waiting for some stupid results.
"Do what you have to, I just want to get better."
The vixen picked up a pen and made some extra notes.
"We will also need your consent for an HIV test, which is a standard procedure for everyone with suspected STDs."
Hell yes. And for those who do it up the butt, by any chance?
_ _
"Okay."
Whatever.
She added another note and then stood up.
"Alright, we'll be back in about ten minutes, and meanwhile, a nurse will come in to bring you a gown, and will instruct you on the procedure for the examination and the samples. It will only take a few minutes, and then you can put on your clothes and return to the waiting area until you are called back to hear the results of the test."
Ismail's not going to believe this shit.
*
Shit...didn't they say that it'd take less than an hour?
I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already past six, and the furs on the chairs hadn't moved much during the past fifteen minutes or so, not since I heard the ambulance sirens go off.
Can't even use my phone, damn it! Though who could I call? Cobb? Hell no. Max? Ismail? I guess he's on a plane now...shit...damn it.
"Have you waited for long, son?"
I turned my head towards the tobacco-scented mound sitting next to me and got the big eyes of a brown bear wearing a plaid shirt and a cap, and who was holding a big white bandage onto one of his paws, with the other.
I shrugged.
"Just waiting for my results. Been waiting for an hour now."
"Damn," the bear rumbled. "They sure are busy here."
The round of coughs that went around the waiting area seemed to illustrate the point.
"They are," I mumbled.
"I got this darn fishing hook through my thumb!" the bear's eye went big when he explained and waved his bandaged paw. "Hurts like crap."
I gave it a polite look.
"Ouch!"
"Happened a few times to me but it's always a son of a bitch," the bear rumbled. "Do you fish?"
"Can't say I have done much of that, no."
"Me and the cubs used to go every weekend. Had this dam old pickup truck and we'd just pile into it and went to this great clear stream with trout on it, it was great, oh yeah, good times."
Wonder if they already gave him Demerol for that paw.
_ _
"Mister Holden?"
I jumped up from the plastic seat, clutching my jacket. The nurse was a coyote this time, and wearing green scrubs.
"Yes?" I asked politely.
"Would you come with me, please? The doctor will see you now."
"Good luck, sonny!" the bear rumbled cheerfully and waved his bandaged paw at me, and I gave him a quick nod before trailing the nurse.
She took me back to the exam room where I'd had unspeakable things done to me, and I found that the vixen was there still, and so was the wolf, looking a bit less enthusiastic after the doctor had given him the honor of applying a cotton swab into my asshole.
If he had broken that thing, I'd shoved a dozen up his goddamned ass.
_ _
"Mister Holden," the vixen greeted me. "Please sit down."
Too cheerful. It's probably not HIV.
_ _
The papers rustled under her paws when I finally seated myself down.
"I have your tests results back and it seems that we have found the cause of your discomfort," she said.
"Yeah?"
"According to our laboratory findings, you have a urinary tract infection caused by the sexually transmitted disease Chlamydia."
Fucking hell! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! You don't catch those from door handles or public buses.
_ _
I bit my teeth down.
"I see."
"Both the urine sample and your urethral swab tested positive. However, there were no other bacteria present, and all the rest of your tests were negative. Including the HIV test."
Hearing that just felt so much better than I though it would. Damn it.
_ _
"Well that's good to know."
"This infection is perfectly treatable. I will administer you the medication and you will be feeling better in a couple of days. Your partner should also be informed of the infection and you should refer him to the ED to be tested at the soonest convenience."
If I gave this to Ismail, somehow...shit...fucking shit...
_ _
"Okay," I croaked.
"Mister Berkowitz."
My ears dropped.
Don't start with him now...
_ _
"Doctor?"
"Standard treatment for uncomplicated Chlamydia?"
I was almost expecting him to start waving his paws and whimpering "I know this one! Please, miss!" I wanted him to bite his tongue.
"Azithromycin or doxycycline!"
"Are you allergic to azithromycin or penicillin or any other antibiotic, or have you ever had a bad reaction to any medication?"
I was barely hearing what she said anymore.
"No, I don't think so."
The vixen pulled out a small book and began to write.
"I'll prescribe you one dose of Zithromax, one gram, which you'll get from the pharmacy and once you take the one pill, you are free to leave. Your insurance details will go by the front desk, and then you can go once you've had your medication."
"Just one pill?" I quizzed.
"It is a highly effective treatment," the vixen said. "Of course you should contact the ED if your symptoms do not clear out. You should also abstain from sexual contact for the next seven days, and practice safer sex in the future as well, of course. I can refer you to the LGBT health support unit if you would like extra advice or information."
What the fuck am I? Sixteen and a virgin? No fucking way I'm going to do anything that's not safe now that I'm already fucking INFECTED and maybe gave this thing to Ismail!
_ _
"Thank you," I said. "I think I'll handle it."
"Do you have any other questions?"
"Nope."
She offered her paw.
"Good day, Mister Holden."
I need to speak to Ismail.
*
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