My Little Mashup 19 - Kallisti
#19 of My Little Mashup
We had to confuse the town to save the town.
My next order of business was to free Cheerilee. As it turned out, she was still stone when I arrived, and Sweetie Belle was not - and was freaking out pretty hard. I was about to go in to her, but Rarity caught up and swept in. Figuring she was thoroughly taken care of, I moved on to Cheerilee.
I managed to get her untied before she was released, so that when she came to, I was at her side. She'd been mid-scream when frozen, and when she was freed she resumed - "-augh! ... what?"
"Feeling better?"
She gingerly bent her legs. "You found the cure!"
"A cure has been provided... So, you do remember everything?"
She closed her eyes. "Wish I didn't."
"Can you get up?"
She rolled onto her side. "In a minute." She sniffed, then sobbed.
I wiped the tears from the nearer cheek. "What is it?"
"I... bit my students! I know it wasn't really me, but I remember it."
"Stop. Don't dwell on it. Find something else to think about."
She nodded, then looked at herself. "I... I look terrible!"
"You'll get better." I patted her leg.
She looked to me gratefully, then with confusion. "So... Nightmare Moon. You're back, and the sun is up, and we're better. What happened to her?"
"I'm not entirely sure. Last I saw her, she was fighting for her life. Some signs are that she lost. Others, not so clear." I mentally amended 'life' to 'freedom', since Jadis had appeared to be going for a capture - but only resolved to clear it up later. "And... your illness had nothing to do with her. It was a demon named Discord."
"Oh. I... this doesn't seem his style."
I was floored. "What? You knew about him?"
"Of course I knew about him. It's history. So, are you sure?"
"Celestia recognized him. And yes, it wasn't his style. He was kind of limited. Those limits have now been broken... which is why you're healthy again."
Her eyes widened. "Oh. So this isn't a good thing."
"Not the best thing, but there are obvious up-sides."
She flexed her legs once more and gingerly got up. "Then I'd better get to work."
The hallway outside the children's wing was bustling with children and fathers. The hubbub died down as ponies stared at Cheerilee. "You've got a lot of nerve, coming here." One stallion said.
Cheerilee looked past him and saw that the children were mostly wary. She cheerfully said, "I got better, just like you. No one is biting anyone anymore, are we?"
"You may be all better - no one bit you! But your teeth marks are all over them."
"No one bit me, you say? I certainly was bitten - but so what if I wasn't? Does that somehow make it my fault for getting sick?"
One of the other fathers commented, "Yeah, seriously. You don't think she could do this, even if she wanted to, do you? And right after Nightmare Moon struck?"
The first went on, "The fact of the matter is, the kids are terrified of you, so you should just stay away from them!" Up to then, the kids hadn't particularly been terrified, but the way he was shouting agitated them.
The second father approached the first, saying, "Whoa, man! You're the one frightening the kids! And it's not like you weren't out there wandering around with the rest of us!"
"Out of my face, pansy pegasus!"
"If I need to be in your pointy face to make a point, I'll get in it!"
Cheerilee, pained, said, "Stop! I'm going! Just... don't fight over it!" She turned and left, but we could hear that now the second was blaming the first. Quieter, she added, "Discord. This is Discord."
I asked, quietly, "How did they deal with him last time, before he was defeated?"
"Different strategies. Some let little things slide and focused on the big things. Some strictly enforced order, but this always led to an escalation of chaos. Worse than doing nothing. More effectively, others learned to recognize his plots. Often they were subtle, hardly noticeable..."
We had left the hospital, and found a huge crowd gathered in the square. There was a giant yellow apple on the center of a stage, with the inscription, 'For the prettiest'. There were already loud arguments over it.
"... and sometimes they were as obvious as this one."
Twilight Sparkle made her way to the center, trying to organize things. "Please, ladies! You can't nominate yourself. For example, I nominate... Rarity!"
I asked, "So, what did they do when they found one of those plots?"
"Completely disrupt them. We need to cut the apple up and hand it out. Or... not target the apple, but the contest. Disrespect the event... I nominate Omar! Sorry."
Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow, but I nodded, and she hesitantly put my name down on a chalkboard she'd levitated over - I was fourth, after a pair of twins who had nominated each other.
The crowd murmured in angry confusion as I approached the stage. When I jumped up, Rarity accosted me, "What do you think you're doing?"
I whispered intensely: "Rarity, I understand it's against your instincts, but for the good of Ponyville, we need to destroy this beauty contest. To that end, get me a dress. Quick."
"I know it's from Discord, but can't we do it fairly and quickly? It's the most enthusiastic pageant the town's ever had!"
"It's not enthusiastic. It's insane. We saw fathers in the hospital, but no mothers. And where's Sweetie Belle?"
She gasped. "Oh... I... concede! I nominate in my place... Ditzy Doo!" She dashed off.
Twilight had added three more names, and stopped to wipe Rarity's name and write in the new nomination.
That was when Pinkie Pie showed up and plopped clown noses on all of the contestants on-stage. I high-fived her. "Now we're talking!"
She went on, stealing the show, "First event is the Pretty Polka! A-one! A-two! A-" She dodged a pie, and it nailed one of the twins. "Taking a pie in the face is the third event!" Tracing back along the arc, I saw no one, but Cheerilee was moving away quickly, looking determined.
Twilight Sparkle stopped and addressed me directly. "Since this is Discord, shouldn't we be trying to make this as orderly as possible?"
A dress flopped against my back - Rarity had found Sweetie Belle, but also found the moment to get me something. As I struggled into it, I said, "Defuse a bomb by blowing it up. And this is one big bomb."
Pinkie Pie had started up the polka again. The other contestants were staring at each other; one was eyeing the stairs as if to get off, but it was occupied as Cheerilee was busy pushing Ditzy Doo up, bewildered, onto stage. I took one of her hooves in my hand and began dancing, as Pinkie began singing and playing.
_It's the Pretty Polka, Pretty Polka!
Let's find the prettiest of all the folk-a!
Whose rhythm is tight
And can dance all night
And make the very very best mo-ocha!_
As before with Pinkie's laughing-at-danger song, we all ended up dancing. Cheerilee, Ditzy Doo and I held hoof in hoof in hand, in a circle.
_There are five gruelling events to complete
To show you're the prettiest I'll meet
prettiest dancing;
prettiest singing;
take a joke; tell a tale; sli-ide through the slee-ee-eet!_
As the song ended abruptly, Ditzy slipped in the unexpected wave of slush and pulled Cheerilee and me down; the stage rocked, and collapsed.
Twilight Sparkle was grappling with this idea. "So you're saying that was less severe than what would have happened if we'd had a proper contest?"
Cheerilee nodded. "Absolutely. By the end over twenty ponies had declared victory, and they couldn't fight over the apple itself because it had been detonated. There were only a few injuries, and barely any hard feelings between the townsponies. Can you imagine a serious contest coming out any better?"
"We were run out of town!"
"We were leaving anyway."
"Well, we were, but you?"
Cheerilee sighed. "I... think I was going to have to go. I don't want to, but I can't stay either."
Applejack asked, "Where did you find out so much about Discord, anyway?"
"History. And I read the Principia Discordia." She looked to me significantly. "I'm surprised you didn't know this material already, Omar."
I blinked. "What?"
"One of the visionaries of Discord was named Omar, and the Principia is riddled with humans. I assumed at first your people had been in the cult of Discord, back in the fnord day."
"No... Omar is a common name, and the cult of Discord doesn't even exist. I never... wait. Did you just say 'fnord'?"
"Aha!" She said it as if she'd caught me.
"I... now I'm really confused. I thought the Principia Discordia was... well, not a real thing." Sorry, comic-shop guy, for not believing you. "Are you saying it's an actual thing over a thousand years old, never mind that it was - supposedly - first printed by photocopier, which dates it to the last fifty years or so? But if it's human-based, and uses the name Omar - which has been around a lot longer than that in our timeline, which reinforces the notion that the name originated with us... Maybe it's yet more time travel?"
The others knew, but Cheerilee raised an eyebrow. "More time travel?"
I had a lot of explaining to do. I made sure we let Spike get ahead a bit, out of earshot, and told them everything. Well, everything except just how I derailed the phantasms, the dream with Cheerilee, and what Nightmare Moon was up to while off the rock.