The Gods must be crazy

Story by TheNovelist on SoFurry

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#40 of Exploration


Not two weeks after my enjoyable trip on Cetacean's world, during a sumptuous dinner I had cooked, Gareth was forbidden to work with food, he could mess up toast, Javid teleported into my house. He was proudly wearing a teleporter on his arm, and he smiled.

"New toy?" I asked, pleasantly, seeing the grin on his face.

"This is so cool!" he laughed. "I just had to come and visit your planet, it sounded so interesting."

"Well, now you're here, pull up a seat. Treat the place as you will." Gareth said, ever the polite one. I made introductions.

"Javid, this is Gareth, he's living with me. Gareth, this is Javid, one of the guys in my party." the two shook hands. They looked each other up and down, taking in each other's appearance. Javid sat down, and the wolf took a glass of water.

"Thank you, Alduin. I've just been at Central, and tomorrow we are heading to a new planet, seven thirty sharp."

"Any thing known about it?"

"Nope, except you're pinging it, with your permission."

"Be glad to, Javid.Care to have a look around?"

Javid did, exploring all corners of the house.As I tidied up the kitchen, Gareth showed Javid the bathroom and all. After a few minutes, Javid came out, casually sidling towards the kitchen. He observed the dish washer, and then spoke quietly.

"He wants me to have it off with him.I can tell."

"Go ahead. I don't mind. Just leave some space for me, I'll be there in a few minutes." I said, a smile on my face.

Javid gave a quiet chuckle, and then headed back to the bathroom.I waited a few minutes, while filling the dishwasher, than quickly stripped and opened the door. Gareth was backed against the sink, his hands holding the sink top, and Javid was fucking his pussy, slamming his cock time and time again into the fox's vagina.Neither was aware I had entered, Gareth's head was arched up in pleasure, and so I snuck across the tiles.Javid's very nice ass thrust back and forth in front of me, and with a lightning move I grabbed him around the hips, and thrust my own member into him.

Javid stifled a shout, but he still howled, and turned, looking very surprised.

"I didn't expect you to fuck me." he said. I smiled.

"I'm sorry, your ass just looked so inviting, I just had to." I apologised.I had never fucked Javid before, and I wanted to make up for my absence. Javid grinned, and turned back to his ravaging of Gareth.

"In which case, apology accepted."

This little interlude went on for a good fifteen minutes, and then Javid teleported back to Central. I packed my gear for tomorrow. Rifle, C.E.O pistol, Rocket launcher,Javid had taken me back to his planet to get my compliment of shells back after fighting the demon on Salbar's planet, enough food for two days, appropriate water, jacket, and sunscreen. Then I went to sleep.

Skipping briefly over the waking up, breakfast, we assembled in the main hall to meet Silverine. Salbar was juggling two balls in one hand, Draco was reading a book. Simba was playing cards with Javid and Silverine, and there was no one else in the hall. As I entered, I announced my presence.

"Aren't we supposed to be going somewhere?"

Draco looked up from his book."You're late."

"No I'm not, still another three minutes." I replied.

We teleported four minutes after my arrival, and after the subsequent bang, and falling through space, we arrived on a grassy field. Five hundred metres away was a large village, and around us were, I use the word men, working in the fields.None of them were looking at us, they were all busy watering, hoeing, planting food. Agriculture, in other words. The nearest man was twenty metres away, idly weeding around a group of plants. He looked human, and his body was about the same as mine. His hair and beard were straggly, at the ends it was hard to tell which was beard and which was hair.

We walked over to him, and our shadows fell across the plant he was tending to. He looked up, and looked, open mouthed, at the five of us. I spoke carefully.

"Greetings, sir,what is your name?" I said, standing in front.

This had no positive effect. The poor man must have jumped three feet into the air when he heard me talking in his tongue, and he gave a cry of surprise.

Then, to my astonishment, he turned and ran towards the village, screaming incoherently. Other field men looked up, looking at us. There was a mass rush for the village, as we looked around in slight confusion.

"Er, did I say something wrong?" I asked Simba. We walked towards the village. There was no gates or fence around the village, just houses, and as we approached, we saw all the inhabitants run for the buildings, or in one or two cases, climb rapidly up trees. We walked past the first constructions, and saw people looking through the windows, who quickly threw heavy material in front of the windows, so we couldn't look at them.

"I think we're about as welcome as the plague." Javid said cheerfully.

"I reckoned that." Draco replied,"I'm just trying to work out why."

"Maybe we look like one of their enemies?"Salbar suggested.As we came to the centre of the cluster of buildings, we looked around, looking for someone to talk to.Draco spoke again.

"I'll see if I can't talk to the bunch climbing the tree."

Meanwhile we walked to a small house, with decorative symbols. This could be the chief or a religious person. There were cries of alarm as Draco flew up to the branches of the tree, and ended cornering a few of the terrified men.

I knocked gently on the door, and a voice spoke.

"What is it, I am praying?" a slightly annoyed voice said. Meanwhile one of the men in the tree hit Draco with a broken branch. The dragon deflected it with his forearm, and then burnt the branch with his flame thrower.

"Er, sorry to bother you, but we are visiting, and we wanted to know where we are." I said, through the door.Draco was still patiently trying to talk to the man holding onto a branch for dear life.

The door opened, and a man wearing long shabby robes looked at us. His mouth froze in what ever he was about to say, and then fell to the floor, prostrating himself in front of us.

"What do you require?" the man said, still in the kneeling position. We glanced at one another.

"I wish to know where we are, priest." I said. The man wouldn't look at me, but he spoke.

"You are in the town of Izkit, thou heavenly host."

Pause. Deep pause. Javid exchanged looks with me, and Salbar took a few steps away, whistling casually. So that's why we were so feared, they thought we were gods.

"Draco, leave him alone, this might take a while." I called to the aerial dragon. Draco detached from the branch,to the relief of the man up there, and swooped down to us. I spoke to the crouched priest.

"I thank you for your welcome, but there is no need to avert your eyes.Rise."

The priest obeyed my commands promptly, and looked at me. Draco, who hadn't heard the earlier, whispered to Simba in one of the reptilian languages.

"What have I missed?"

"They think we are their gods."

"That's never happened before." Draco replied.

The priest looked in admiration at the foreign speech, and then spoke.

"Please follow me to the Pools."

He reverently walked towards a cluster of thick trees, which was actually a small forest.

"We do not have many who truly believe, my lords.We shall endeavour to remedy this." he said, in a half bow,"But what do you require of us?"

"We wish to find the histories of your culture."Simba said.

"Certainly, our librarian will be honoured. He has among his books many writings of historical relevance. We are a small society though, so we fear we may not have much."

"That shall be fine." Simba acknowledged.

Then we came to the Pools of which he had spoken. A small expanse of water, with a small house slightly to one side.

"This is our Holy place, the Pools of Healing. The house we use for Meditation."

"Healing?" I enquired.

"There is a magick in the pool, and it heals all pains and ills."

"Such magic indeed." Draco smiled, rubbing his arm."That guy had a strong right arm swing."

"You wish to enter the water, please, do so.It is required, however, that you do not go in clothed." the priest bowed again.

Javid, Salbar and Draco would brave the waters, all of them had mild pains. Salbar because he was still not used to teleport, he had done his ankle when arriving, and Javid had a headache from whatever. Simba started skirting the lake, heading towards the building of Meditation. I did neither, but sat down. Draco, Javid and Salbar dived into the surprisingly deep lake, and swum around.

I smiled from the bank.

"I hope it's nice and warm."

"Freezing, but once you're in, it's fine." Draco called back."So what magic is in this lake?"

"The magick starts it's work in half a minute." the priest said, bowing."We have found this out through patient observation."

Simba was halfway around the lake when he looked at the crystal clear waters, and saw something I wasn't seeing.

"Draco, beneath you!"

Draco looked down, just as a long, flexible tentacle erupted from the water, catching Draco around the chest and bodily lifting the dragon into the air.A multitude of tentacles wrapped around his arms, legs and body. The other two suffered the same, and I jumped to my feet, drawing out my Eryx. I loaded a shell, aiming for the water between the three suspended in mid air.

I didn't intend to fire, because my friends were in the firing line. But as I loaded the Eryx, the priest tried to grapple the weapon from me.

"No, please don't harm it, or the magick will be broken!"

As he wrenched at the weapon, my finger jerked hard against the trigger, and Simba watched as the missile burst out of the Eryx with an almighty explosion. The projectile zipped across the water, missing everything in the lake completely, and then going in the open front door of the small house.

There was an tiny space of nothingness, and then the house lifted into the air, and expanded in all directions as the fireball obliterated the wood.Burning bits of timber rose high into the air, and rained into the lake, the surrounding grassland, and even a few pieces landed beside me and the priest, who was looking at himself in horror.

"I...I..."

The tentacles paused with my companions in mid air, feeling the explosion through the water. Draco was watching the house as it blew up, as was Salbar.Javid was looking at us. Simba walked over to the remains of the house. The tentacles, realising the event was over, began the second phase of the healing process, or so the priest would say. Slightly thicker tentacles came from the water, and started mercilessly fucking the ass and mouth of all three.

Simba searched through the wreckage of the house, and the priest turned and ran. I ran after him, the Eryx pointing upwards, although there was nothing to fire. I have once run five kilometres at a stretch, the priest looked like he had never run five metres, and I overhauled him halfway back to the village.

"All right, friend, what was that all about?"

"I destroyed the House of Meditation! I must be punished for this horrible crime." he wailed.

"Now listen. Mortal men are not meant to play with unholy weapons.You have learnt this, and realised why."I said sternly."I forgive you, for you did not know. Now, what is the creature in the pool?"

"We do not know. We came across it when this village was founded, as the records say, and the first person who went in the pool found the creature. But he had a sprained arm, and after it had finished with him, he found it had been healed.After that, people with all sorts of illness have come here, and it fixes them."

"It heals all sorts of injuries?"

"Only internal injuries, it does not heal skin that has been burnt or torn, but anything internal, headaches, sprains, broken bones even, it fixes them, without any thought for payment."

There was a muffled cry from Javid, the primal howl of the wolf echoing through the forest.

"I think that's because it enjoys itself fixing." I said, my expression trying to stay carefully blank. The priest was completely unaware of my joke, and we walked back to the lake side.

Javid was floundering in the water, his fur everywhere in sexual tension. Salbar and Draco were still being fucked, and as we watched, the tentacles holding Salbar ejaculated their white load, and Salbar was likewise released. He fell from about two metres, and rose to the surface, looking for his assailant tentacles. Then Draco finished, and he was likewise unceremoniously dumped into the water. They, as one, made for the bank, while Simba came around from the wreckage of the house.

The three heaved themselves out of the water, and sat dripping on the grass. All of them were looking some what surprised. Draco started venting fire on his own skin to dry himself, to the amazement of the priest.Salbar started whistling a tune, he seemed cheerful. I alone heard what the priest was saying.

"The god of fire, the god of wisdom, the god of chaos, the god of all animals, and the god of music.Just like the scriptures proclaimed."

Oh dear, this was getting seriously freaky. Draco, Simba, myself, Javid and Salbar, in that order.

The priest hurried away, leaving us five to converse. We spoke in the Central language.

"Well, someone enjoyed themselves. Is your headache gone, Javid?" I asked.

"Yes, strange thing."Javid smiled. I recited what the priest had told me, and Simba nodded.

"It's probably why this place was chosen as the village, because the creature heals people, albeit in it's own twisted way."

"It's not twisted, it just has abilities which it uses to it's advantages."

"Yeah, it's semen carries highly potent healing powers." I shot back."To get the benefits, you have to be raped, nice touch."

"It really does feel good, it sends a warm feeling through your entire body. Then it lets you go."

"Instant cold bath." I laughed.

"By the way, did you really intend to fire at us?" Salbar asked me.

"For a second, and then decided against it. I didn't want to hit you, and besides, you looked like you were enjoying it."

"So did the priest fire it?"

"He seems to think so. He was deeply regretting it when the house got incinerated."

"That house,"Simba said slowly,"I reckon it was just a shack with nothing in it. It didn't have anything in the wreckage that was of interest."

"Wonder why it was held in such respect?"

"Ample viewing platform." I said, cheerfully."Was there a chair in it?"

"It was hard to tell what was in it." Simba shot back,"Everything was a mass of rubble."

"So what do we do now?" Salbar asked. Draco shrugged.

"Salbar, there is no plan for a planet like this, especially when we've been heralded as gods. I just hope we don't meet the real gods if they exist."

"True, some gods have a real mean streak." I said, recalling a few adventures of D+D." Besides, Salbar, you should get a musical instrument, and do some practice."

"Why?" Salbar looked at me. I smiled, and started pointing, starting with Draco.

"The god of fire, the god of wisdom, the god of music, the god of all animals. The priest said it was the case, and then ran off muttering prayers."

"What were you?"Draco asked innocently, although he was smiling at the idea.

"God of Chaos."

Simba chuckled. Javid laughed. Salbar merely smiled. Draco looked at me, and said with a straight face.

"That's correct. You're the most chaotic person I know."

"That's why I'm not complaining." I said cheerfully. "He saw Draco venting flame, Salbar's ability to hold a tune, and Simba was asking all the questions about histories."

"What about the god of animals?" Draco turned to Javid. Javid shrugged.

"I don't know what I've done, but there we have it.So what does a god do?"

"Sit on a gold throne, and decides the fate of mortals." I said quickly, and then laughed. "No, I think all that will happen is we'll be treated like we were this morning."

"I don't know which I prefer, everyone treating us like dogs, kill the alien, or running and hiding at our supposedly noble presence." Draco said, lying back on the grass. "Either way, you can't get your work done."

"True. On the other hand, which do you prefer, mugged or bowed at?"

"I'm not prepared for either." Draco said flatly.

"That much was obvious." Simba said.

I looked in slight amusement at the lion.

"An actual joke from Simba? I hope all of you were listening, that must be a first."

"Second." Simba replied.

"Third." Salbar said, a small smile on his complexion.

"Good grief, even Salbar's got a sense of humour. I like this place." Draco gave a dig at Salbar. The wolf got one back.

"I'm not surprised. We'll just leave you here, with that tentacle creature. You should get on famously."

"Enough of the carefully rehearsed and written ad libs." I raised my hands for silence."I trust Simba wants to find the library, is that correct?"

"Why not?"

"Right, let's catch up with our priest, and see if we can't find out some stuff about this place."

We all got up, and walked back towards the village, talking gaily. Draco was first to see the man charging towards us, swinging a large stick and yelling throatily. Behind him was the priest, who had not seen us, and was whitening in shock. I looked at Draco.

"Heretic, do you think?"

Then he was among us, and the first thing he met was Javid's foot as he raised the stick to strike Salbar.

It was very casually stuck out. I stepped aside as the man stumbled past, and landed in a heap on the ground, swearing.

"That's very bad language."I admonished. The priest was coming forward, but nothing could stop the man from coming at us again. This time his target was me, and as he charged I rolled up my sleeves, and stepped forward to meet him. He raised the stick, and I charged, delivering a clout into his solar plexus. There was an expulsion of air, and the stick fell out of his hands as he crumpled into a foetal position. I grabbed the stick before it hit the ground, and leaned on it as the man sat there, holding himself.

"All better now?"I asked. The priest came forward.

"I must apologise for his behaviour, he's never been that well in the head."

"That's quite alright." I said, rubbing my knuckles gently.

"Do you require something, that you have wandered here?"

"Simba wishes to peruse the books."

"Ah," the man looked sagely at the lion," he would of course have the knowing of the writing and reading. There are few that do."

We split up, and the priest called an acolyte to his service, who led us to a small house. We sat down, chatting briefly, letting Simba get to his work. The acolyte was in the room, so we spoke in Draconic.The man looked carefully blank, and as we sat, we played cards and told jokes. For an hour we sat there, mucking around, and Draco, still smiling from my brick joke, activated his communicator.

"Hey Simba, how is everything?"

"Well, I got quite a lot of info, but then something strange happened."

"Oh really, what?"

"Well, I don't want you to panic, but have a lot outside."

We stood, looking out the windows. The acolyte didn't budge, but he was suddenly sweating nervously.

A huge pile of wood had been stacked in a bonfire, with two poles either side. The priest was walking ceremoniously towards this, with a line of peasantry. He was chanting in some mystic tongue, and doing something like a rain dance. The villagers behind him were walking solemnly.

Then came Simba. This was quite something. He was devoid of his gear, and wearing naught but his T-shirt and trousers, and he was tied to a long pole. His legs, his arms and his chest were all tied firmly to the pole, and being carried by two people who were walking very reverently across the square. He looked up, and saw my frankly astonished look.

"As you can see, I'm sort of tied up."

"If it weren't for your steel form, I would have rushed out there already."Draco replied."They are intending to set fire to you?"

"Well," Simba said slowly as he bobbed up and down,"I guess that being a god, they want to free us of our earthly bodies, and by burning us, they will release us."

"So fire is supposed to be holy?" I looked incredified, and watched in slight shock and amusement as they gently placed the pole on top of the two pillars, suspended over the large bonfire of wood. I drew my rifle, just as I turned to the acolyte.

"Out of the way." I commanded.

"No my lord, it eases the passage to heaven!"He replied, fear stricken,"For we mortals have to live, we feel obliged to set the gods on their rightful place."

"Don't make me hurt you." Draco said, turning to look at the scared man. The man backed into the door, surrounded by four rather angry aliens. Rather then argue this out, I looked around at the wooden wall. It was held together with primitive methods, and was made to withstand nasty weather.We weren't weather, and I spoke.

"Let's take out this entire wall. If we shoulder charge it, it might break."

We all backed up, and the acolyte looked slightly less terrified, right until the point where Draco spoke.

"Three, two, one, charge!"

We charged. I presented my shoulder at the section of wall to the right wall. Draco took the centre right, Javid centre left and Salbar on the far side. We four moved together, covering the area of the room in about two seconds. The acolyte backed hard against the door just as Javid and Draco smacked into the wall either side of him.

What happened deserved a slow motion replay. There was a nasty little sound, of several sharp cracks and pings as little devices let go.The entire wall strained outwards, and with one final crack, the right side of the wall seperated from the side wall.The left side likewise gave up resistance, and the entire thing, door and all, was bowled backwards. The acolyte fell backwards as what he was leaning on disappeared.

Simba had been placed on the bonfire, and the priest was holding a torch next to the straw at the bottom. As he did, Simba changed into his steel form, and the priest turned to look at us as the wall collapsed. Behind us, the roof caved in, and the entire thing fell down, like someone who has removed the bottom card from a card house.Everything fell inwards, and a roll of dust snuck across the ground. The priest dropped the flame in astonishment, and the straw went up fast. All the peasants turned and ran, looking at my rather annoyed companions.

There was an almighty whoosh of flame, and the oils that had been drenched all over Simba caught. He sat there surprisingly calm for someone in the middle of an inferno, and waited for his ropes to burn through. They did, and he fell onto the bonfire. The priest, who was still looking at us as we came towards the two, turned just as a flame monster stepped off the bonfire. Simba had his eyes shut, but that wouldn't have made much difference as the priest gurgled in horror. The flame licked all around Simba, and as he moved towards the priest, the priest whimpered.

"Simba, shaking hands with him wouldn't be wise at this point." Draco said calmly. Simba stopped, and looked at us.

"Yeah, and thanks for rescuing me."

"We were held up, and besides it takes more than a camp fire to set steel to melting." I replied with a smile.

"Yeah, there was a sort of wall in the way."

"I saw.The crunching noise could have been heard back on Central." Simba said, as the flames, deprived of fuel, flickered lower. Soon they vanished altogether, and Simba looked at the priest.

The priest was not likely to say something coherent, but he surprised us.

"You-you..."

"I'm not prepared to leave just yet." Simba said kindly." I have the knowledge I require, but I would give you a little wisdom."

The priest prostrated himself in front of the lion.

"Anything, and I will listen,thou indestructible lord." he said, slightly muffled.

"We are resistant against flame, poison and many other things, but attempts to do so to me or any of my friends will result in punishment. Think on this, as some of the lesser gods may come back. We might meet again.Think on that."

Simba vanished as he brushed his teleporter. The priest leapt up, looking at the space which had previously occupied one steel lion, and turned to the rest of us. He stumbled backwards a few steps, and then turned, running hell for leather towards the pools.I looked after the rapidly fleeing figure.

"I think,"I said slowly,"that we heavenly host likewise depart.Salbar, take my arm." he did so, and we vanished from that planet.

What I hadn't told everyone is that I had snagged the small cross from the fallen acolyte. He was holding it as we charged, and he must have dropped it as he fell, flinging it to me. It had some sort of writing on it, and as we arrived on Central, I showed it to Draco. Simba was no where to be seen, he must have landed in a different sector. The dragon observed the cross, reading the runes with his translator.

"The gods rule with peace and wisdom." he said, after a few seconds,"well, Simba was definitely well disposed to them.Where is he?" he raised his voice as he spoke into the microphone.

"I'm here, a good hundred metres away, talking to a glower." the lion replied, to general relief. "I had to teleport back to the library to collect my kit."

"Righto, Simba." Draco acknowledged.

"We'll be at the food store in ten minutes." Javid added.

"Or at least he will." I interrupted."I'm off back to Earth, and do not wish to be disturbed."

"You intending to fuck Gareth?"

"No, but I like the idea." I smiled, nodding to my companions. I hit my teleporter, and vanished.

I arrived with a loud bang back in my home. Gareth was not in fact there, he had left a note saying he was in Central, and I went about getting some dinner ready.Funny, it was still Saturday night, what an incredibly tiring day