Ch. 9
The story continues.
--Trainer--
I couldn't tell you how I got there. Let alone how I survived.
I was lying on my chest when I came to my senses. A dull ringing in my ears, pounding headache. Dizziness. Nausea. I ached all over. I could feel every heartbeat, excruciatingly. I could hear it, I could almost taste it. My battered body burned with it.
I tried to push myself upright. It was a big mistake. My stomach heaved before the pain in my arm shot up. I couldn’t hold it back, and there was nowhere for it to go, but to pool beneath my cheek as I lay there, groaning miserably, coughing around the acid. My left arm was broken. Pretty badly by the feel of it. And the bitter bile taste, the dizziness and confusion. I was in bad shape. I didn't know where I was, but I was cold. A light dusting of snow falling through the dim semi-light from above me.
I tasted copper, and couldn't move my jaw. Broken… dislocated? I didn't know. Only that it ached. Everything ached. It was darker than it was a minute ago. Was it a minute? It seemed longer. Or shorter. Not a minute. Piece by piece, my rattled brain struggled to put it together, but it felt like all the important parts were dancing just out of reach. I couldn’t tell how I got there. I wasn’t sure of anything except the cold, and the pain.
The snow falling from above kept coming. Heavier. Colder. I couldn't stay in it. Something was gnawing at me, as I moved out from under that open hole, but I couldn't place it. My good hand feebly guiding me, leaning on the walls in this dark place. Was I going further in? Was I leaving?
I was already lost.
The sound of water dripping grew in my ears as I went. The thought of something to drink made me keep going, but something in my battered mind screamed at me to not touch that water. There was something I was forgetting. Something important. But in the pain, the darkness, the fear… all I had was the echoing drip of water to grasp. First closer, then further away. Below. Behind.
The high pitched chatter of zubats hurt my ears. Amplified my dizzying headache. I retched again, spilling bile and hot acid on the stones as I crumpled to my knees.
It was a blessed mercy that I stopped feeling anything for a while.
--Mira--
I hadn’t labored under the idea that he was coming back. If he was going to, he’d have been home before dark. Something kept him from doing that. Whatever it was, I could only hope he was alright.
But the three of us going out after him, in the dead of night, in the middle of a snowstorm wouldn’t have helped him. It would only have made things worse. It wasn’t like we were going to have any luck tracking him down in the dark, driving snow anyway.
As much as it killed me to think it, he needed me to do nothing right now. No. He needed me to keep them from doing anything right now. So I sat, those heavy balls caging their worries, while I held my own in the darkness.
I missed all the lights and the cheerful din of the radio he seemed to love listening to. I missed his awful taste in music.
No. I had to stop thinking like that. We’d be reunited before long. I knew that much was true. I was just protecting them, not giving up on him.
--Trainer--
When my senses found me, all they could tell me was that everything hurt. I could hardly move. I had no idea where I was. Everything was dark and cold. I was grateful for my ragged, worn coat, huddled up for warmth as I woke up.
My head was killing me, inside and out. I couldn't move my jaw, and everything felt swollen.
Which way had I come in? I had no idea. I was afraid to move. I was thirsty, and exhausted. Was it day? Night?
How long had I been here?
Where even was “here”?
I had to keep going. Had to try. There was something I needed to do. Something important gnawing at me. I didn't know what. Just that I couldn't stop yet.
So, with my bruised hand on the wall, I shuffled through the darkness. A feeling like pins and needles growing as I went. Like I was being watched. Like I was being followed.
For the first time in my life, I was truly all alone. Truly defenseless. Truly afraid.
Forward, then. It was all I had to cling to.
--Tempest--
The disorienting feeling of being released from the pokeball brought with it a fresh wave of panic, as my eyes adjusted to harsh daylight reflecting off of pure white snow piled against the windows.
Mira had forced Claire and I away. Anger was replaced with understanding at what she'd done. She kept us from searching for him that night. Kept us from wandering in the dark and snow. I'd never seen her as strong, before that moment. But she took our fear, our panic, our hurt, all on her own back. She kept vigil all night. She stood watch, when neither Claire or I could.
She was stronger than either of us, and the determination in her eyes shut me up before I could even ask what came next.
“We are going to find him.”
I believed her. I just wish I knew where to start.
Claire sat, tried to reach him, but came up empty again, trembling, crying silently as she stood up. She pulled the door open, and we were outside. All we could do was go in the direction he went, and hope.
We took it slow, had to. The snow had piled deeply. Deeper than even Claire was tall, in places. Whatever hope we had of finding a trail, a clue, it was buried in the white. I never hated any kind of weather before. At that moment, I’d have made some dark sacrifices to never see another snowflake again.
I regretted, with all my heart, my impatience at staying in that quiet little cabin. He had only wanted to keep us safe. I understood, with each step, the cold sinking slowly through my fur, what it was he was keeping us safe from. What it was I’d failed to keep him safe from.
We would find him. I would make it right. I had to. The cold in my fur was nothing compared to the cold in my heart without him. I could keep going. For him, nothing would stop me.
--Trainer--
It had been following me, invisible in the dark. Hiding its movements, masked in my echoing, unsteady shuffle. It was toying with me, like a persian hunting a rattata. Was I just a game to it?
The gnawing dark, anxious and endless. The annoying arrhythmic drip of water off of invisible teeth that had already added to my agonizing collection of hurts. My only company in the midnight black for what felt the longest time was echoing, lonesome sound.
It felt like I was just wandering in circles. It felt like every step would take me, tumbling down through an endless pitfall. It felt like I was being hunted, driven into a corner. It felt like the darkness itself had a mind of its own, and thought only of my death.
It felt like a nightmare.
Piece by piece, it had started to come back. I had been angry before I got hurt. I was angry at someone. My girlfriend? There was more. An argument. Snow. Darkness. A sound, like a loud groan, and a pop.
My head ached miserably, and pressing for answers only made it worse.
I was in a different place. My hand found wood. It was rotted, wet, slimy. And then something hit me in the darkness, knocking me on my back. Robbing me of breath as it snarled in the pitch black.
As I tried to back away, it vanished in the echoing sounds. My ribs burned as I tried to find footing again. To move away from it. As vain a hope as that was in the ebon maze.
Hunger and thirst had been gnawing at me for what felt like hours. I was hopelessly lost, trying in vain to hide from a snarling phantom in the dark. Occasionally, it would hit me, knock me down. Other times I could swear I felt the air move past me, marking the passage of a body I couldn't see.
I couldn't say which way I was going. Sometimes it felt as though I was moving forward, others as though I only went in circles. I was exhausted. Everything hurt. I didn't care anymore. I couldn't keep going like that. I slid down the wall, my back leaning against it, and shut my eyes. Not that it made any difference.
I'd trade one inky, fearful blackness for another. And if the monster that hunted me got bored? Well, what could I do about it?
What could I do, anymore?
--Mira--
I hated having to follow behind them. Watching Claire stare daggers at Tempest’s back. Watching Tempest push her way through the snow, searching for a clue we wouldn’t even recognize if we saw. The further we went, the further I felt it was a vain hope at best.
I didn’t want to say it. Not to them. Not to myself, but I wondered if we were going to find him at all. I wondered if he was even still alive. As cold as I was, I had thick fur, and the sunshine on my back. He had a ragged old coat, and spent the night out there. Spent the night in howling wind, driving snow, darkness, loneliness. I wondered if he were afraid. If he felt fear... I wondered if it was the last thing he felt.
The idea of finding him, it was a pretty long shot, to say the least.
I was glad I was following behind them. I didn’t want them to see me cry. I didn’t want to have to explain what I was thinking.
--Claire--
It felt like we had searched everywhere. Tempest had kept pushing ahead, even as she trembled with exhaustion. Mira followed by my side, occasionally brushing against me, nudging me on.
The sky was already getting dark, and we had found nothing. Not a clue, not a trace.
I missed his smile. The smile he had when he listened to everyone through me, when he thought I didn't know. I missed his laugh, his reassurance. His love.
I missed the weight of his thoughts. Even when they were clumsy and half-formed. I missed watching him, listening in idle moments to his mind. Bright like flowers, and deep like the night sky. I missed his touch. I missed his kiss. I missed his warmth. I missed him.
The last time I saw him, he was angry, hurt, confused. His emotions like a swarm of beedrill. Angry vivid yellow black pained, stinging, aching, oppressive. She did that to him.
He was the only reason I didn't tear her apart with my teeth. I felt regret for ever knowing her. I felt regret for trusting her with him. I hated her, in that moment. Hated everything she was.
I hated myself, too. I felt regret for leaving him alone with that pain. I shouldn’t have left him. Shouldn’t have turned tail when things got unpleasant. When he needed me the most. When he needed me the most, I’d know for the rest of my life I let him down.
I knew she regretted it now. I knew. But as horrible as she felt, it wasn't enough. It was nowhere near enough to apologize. It was nowhere near enough for it to be okay.
But that had to wait. As much as I hated her in that moment, I needed her. He needed her.
We would find him, and then there would be a reckoning.
--Trainer--
It hurt, just being awake. My body protested all of it. The thirst. The hunger. My broken arm, my battered ribs. My aching head. I remembered being lost, wandering in the dark. It felt like it had been days. I couldn’t be sure.
I remembered. I think that hurt more. I remembered what she’d said. The way she’d looked at me. I remembered the fall. The sound of splintering wood, the last thing I saw was the earth opening up to swallow me. It was a long fall. I was lucky to be alive, even as hurt as I was.
I remembered wandering in the dark. That was a mistake. My best hope was where I fell in. Now? Even if they found it, could they find me? Could they find me in time?
The hole was intentional. It wasn’t really a cave. It was a mine. That was worse. That was much worse. I was the only one down here, the wildlife had long since moved back in. Who knew how far the tunnels went? How many branches and loops there were? Where the vertical shafts were, or how far down they went?
No. For the moment, as chilling as it was, I really didn’t need to think about that. I was still alive. I was, for the first time since the accident, myself.
Claire. I needed Claire.
I sat, the posture my favorite instructor had taught me. Calm, supported, balanced. I was a stone upon the earth. Weather worn, calm, and still. Full, and empty. Piece by piece, I pushed past sensation. My hurts were immaterial. Distracting. They needed to be let go. Like she had taught me. The tournament didn’t matter. The crowd didn’t matter.
The darkness didn’t matter. The hunter, the eyes in the dark didn’t matter. My thirst, my hunger, my fear. My doubt. My pain.
One by one I set them down, and in the darkness, began to reach out.
I could always see her before, we were never so far apart that I couldn’t see her. Now, there was only darkness.
No. The darkness was the distraction. She was there. I knew she was. If she were down here, I wouldn’t rest until I found her. She was there, waiting for me. She had to be.
Her eyes. Her vivid violet eyes. They were searching for me. I needed to give her something to find. That’s all I needed to do. Give her something to find. I didn’t need to search for her. I needed to be the beacon.
I was the light in the dark. She was the one who was lost.
“Claire…”