Reminiscing........Angus.

Story by GabrielClyde on SoFurry

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#3 of Reminiscing

Angus Barker, straight stud stallion, sports hero. Life should be easy, but it isnt, thanks to a Zebra stallion named Peter. Best friends in school, but things change, especially when unexpected things like love and sex make life awkward. How will it pan out for these two equines? Read on to find out.

Another in my semi regular series of Reminiscences. This time, told from the straight stallion's perspective. As always, let me know what you think, and fave if you like it.

Gabe


The real estate agent was being smarmy again. What was it about real estate agents that made them so oily? Was it something they learned, or something they already carried inside themselves like a latent virus, waiting for a real estate license to make it to burst into view like the Alien from some unfortunate host's stomach?

"Lots of interest Mr Barker, the last two showings have been busy. Everyone wants to move to the 'burbs these days, give the kiddies a back yard and a good high school just nearby."

"Yeah, I know. That was why my parents moved here."

"So, should be a nice little earn for you then, once your Mother's estate is finalised. Are you interested in upgrading perhaps? We have several properties on our books in the area, with the proceeds from this one and what you have yourself you and your...wife perhaps? Kids? You and the little woman could afford something really swish. Pool, three car garage, all the works. "

"Thank you, but no I don't have a girlfriend at the moment let alone a wife, and no kids. I'm very happy where I am."

"What about a penthouse apartment in the new complex on Station street? It's selling great, off the plan so no stamp duty, there are a couple left?"

"No."

"Suit yourself. So, if you don't mind me asking, why did you want to see the place again?"

I managed a smile at that, just as we turned the corner from the hallway into my bedroom. It was still very much as I remembered it, my bed pushed against the wall, even the posters were still there, a little browned around the edges, but still recognisable. The sensation of déjà vu was almost palpable, and I sat heavily on the bed, looking out the window at the old gum tree that towered over the rest of the garden, its gnarled trunk as familiar as an old friend. I could almost hear the damn possum that used to sit in it at night and grunt out its mating call at 3 am even after I threw my stock of tennis balls at it to try and shut it the fuck up.

"What?"

"I said, why did you want to see the place again?"

My smile became melancholy.

"Reminiscing, I guess."

*****

We were best friends. We had always been best friends, or so it seemed. I could not remember a time before, just the inchoate feeling of absence that came from picturing the past without your other half.

His name was Peter, and he was a zebra. I called him Zeb, obviously. He hated it from others, but he loved it from me. We were next door neighbours, friends and semi brothers. For an only child like me it mattered. I didn't need siblings, I already had the best one of all.

I was a young stallion, like all my family a Norwegian Fjord horse. I thought I was exotic, but nothing compared to a zebra. At our local school, he was the only zebra to be enrolled in the last ten years. Our equines tended to be pretty standard, the usual quarter horses and the occasional Shire. I was an outlier even, much admired by a large throng of girls by the time we reached year 11 for my looks and my athletic prowess. Zeb was admired too, but from a distance, and by a very different crowd. He was shy, and very reluctant to engage. Except with me. He would always talk to me.

On this day, this fateful day, when it all started I guess, he was at my place as usual. We had long since gotten a key to each other's houses, and we seemed to spend most of our time over at one or the other, playing games, bullshitting about sport or girls or both, or planning mischief. On this occasion we were working on a Geography project about house prices or some incredibly boring shit. Maybe it would have interested the real estate agent when he was at school, the tiger seemed to really enjoy his work.

There was one fateful problem though. I think a part of me knew it was an issue too, I knew enough by then, but I didn't want to face it. Most of all I didn't want to face what it meant, or how it made me feel.

After a burst water pipe in the upstairs ensuite bathroom, and ensuing water damage, my parents had called in the workmen to make repairs. They were still at it that night, and the spare bedroom that usually housed my friend when he slept over wasn't available. My mum had proposed the solution, innocently I always hoped.

"Why don't you two share your bed Angus? It's a double, more than big enough. I don't think you two care about sharing space too much, you are always so close anyway. Come on, I don't want to have to rummage around in the garage to find the trundle bed with your Father away. You'll be fine the two of you."

There really was no choice. I would be sharing a bed with another guy. Not just any guy though; Zeb. And the thing was, I had some ideas about Zeb, ones I couldn't bring myself to voice for some reason. A couple of time I thought he was going to say something, and then he didn't. So I waited, and wondered. And now, here we were, sharing a bed, and I hadn't asked yet.

We enjoyed a normal evening, goading each other about the fortunes of our respective football teams, enjoying a mammoth GTA session, and occasionally looking at the Geography project. As usual, Zeb could do amazing work fast, and he would occasionally stop long enough to smack out entire screeds on his laptop while I surfed porn. He didn't mind. He knew he was a foot smarter than me, and our best work would be mainly his. I was best at strategy, he was best at details.

I was surfing for Europorn when I heard a great silence from behind me, and I turned around to see Zeb with his sketch pad, his eyes locked on me while the pencil scratched purposefully over paper. He almost seemed not to notice me looking, he was so absorbed in his task.

"Hey...where are you?"

"Wha?...sorry....just in the zone..."

"I could see...what are you doing?"

"Some sketch practice."

"Can I see?"

He looked almost embarrassed, my Zeb, but he handed over the pad. I took it and stared, a little unnerved.

It was me, and it was beautifully done. The mark of a great artist is that they can do a picture that captures the essence of someone, even when they don't want it seen. I saw that in Zeb's drawing; my conflicts, my uncertainties. I also saw something else; I saw the love in the observer's eyes. It was so beautiful it hurt.

"You can keep it if you like...I was going to do one for your birthday, but I know how much you hate posing and stuff. So I tried to get a quick sketch off before you noticed."

"Yeah...thanks."

Yeah thanks. I really had a way with words back then.

I put the picture on my desk, trying not to think about it for the moment and we got back on with the project, wanting to ensure it was finished that night so we could hand it in the next day. When Zeb went to the bathroom though I took it out again, staring. Only marks on paper, random particles of carbon arranged according to arbitrary rules. And yet more than that; it was how Zeb saw me. The view thrilled and terrified me.

We climbed into bed with plenty of knowing smiles and jokes about "no homo", and talked beyond the point we had determined was our arbitrary cut off if we were to be at all rested for school the next day, but eventually there were no more magazines to read, no more girls to dissect and give ratings to, no more shit to spin. We fell into an easy sleep, and I was only dimly awake when I felt an arm around my shoulder, and a warm mass nuzzled against my back.

I don't know why I woke up, and when I did it was in stages. My body woke before my brain, laid out on the bed. I realised the covers were off, dropped somewhere over the side. It was a warm night, so I didn't mind. One paw lazily scratched my chest, the patch of coarser hairs between my pectorals starting to itch a little.

The I noticed a breeze, cool and comforting, waffling across my groin. My balls danced, and my cock had extended, dropping from my sheath to push past my boxers which had fallen past my butt.

"Oh God you're so beautiful Ang."

Hmmm yeah. Not bad for 16.

"I love you so much it hurts stallion. It fucking hurts. You are so close and I can't bear it."

Hmmmm I love a good dream.

A warm feeling engulfed my cock, gripping tight, the feeling slowly spreading down my shaft and back up again. Another wrapped round my sac and I moaned softly. The warmth stopped, but returned when I relaxed.

Ohhhh yeah such a nice dream.

My balls wobbled as a presence...a paw maybe?...cupped them and played, and another gripped my shaft, down near the sheath. My cock was achingly hard, and I could feel it reach full erection, the flare tasting the night air and twitching against my belly.

"Oh God...."

"Hmpfgh..."

Then a new breeze, warm this time, on my groin. The waft of breath, I knew that feeling, from many a blowjob from many an eager girl. I bucked my hips a little, enjoying the soft gasp and whimper, then the feel of that torrent of warm delicious breath over the underside of my shaft. My paw reached down, seeking out I really didn't know what, and gripped onto a tight short mane, rough like bristles but feeling good on my fingers.

"Oh Ang..."

"Hmmmmmmmm"

Hips writhed upwards in the sinuous dance of a teenage male, eager and uncertain and needy. A muzzle responded, also uncertain, also inexperienced but knowing what it wanted. Heat engulfed my head, flare and tip and the shaft underneath, and pleasure exploded in my body. I pulled, forcing the muzzle down now, taking more of me and deeper.

My senses started coming back now, not just touch. I could smell, the scent of Zeb, unmistakable, familiar, and another one, also familiar though I never told him. I smelt it in the spare room sometimes after he left, the scent of Zeb sperm, earthy and tangy. My nostrils flared a little, waking up and sampling the night.

"Ohhhh yeah Zeb...that's what I've wanted. Soooo long..."

_Ohhh it felt good._Then my brain started to work, hesitantly.

My hips bucked again, thrusting deeper into a hot muzzle...

Zeb's muzzle.

Zeb's...

"Holy fuck!"

I moved, fast, pulling back and sitting up while simultaneously using my hold on Zeb's mane to throw him backwards. He hit the wall and gasped in pain while I fumbled with the lightswitch. It flickered on, showing a terrified Zeb sitting by the wall, horror in his eyes.

"Angus, I..."

"What the fuck were you doing?"

"Angus, I'm sorry, I..."

"What the hell? Are you fucking gay Zeb?"

"Angus, I..."

"Answer me!"

My best friend shook like a leaf, and gulped a few times, his Adams apple bobbing, then he lowered his head. He nodded, then lifted his eyes to look in mine.

"Yes Angus. I'm gay."

"Then what the fuck were you doing?"

"I thought...it doesn't matter what I thought."

"The hell it doesn't. What the fuck were you doing?"

"I thought you might like it if I...you always go on about how much you like blowjobs. And you said...you said you wanted it..."

"Do you like...like me Zeb?"

"Angus, please..."

"Answer the fucking question!"

The shaking was back now, but he wouldn't stop looking at me. Those eyes; pleading, lost but determined. God I love those eyes.

"Yes. I've had feelings for you for years Ang. I'm sorry."

"Arghhh!"

I stood up and paced round the room angrily, completely fucked up inside and bitter. How could he do this. How could he make it like this between us. How could he know...know...

"Fuck you Zeb. Why the fuck didn't you tell me? Why the fuck did you just...fucking take me in my own bed without even asking...why..."

"I'm sorry. I know it was wrong. I was convinced you were asleep, and I got stupid and careless, and then I thought you knew it was me and you were liking it. It was wrong, but you have no idea how hard it's been all this time so close to you and not able to do anything. I couldn't hold on any longer...I'm sorry...please can't we just forget this happened..."

"You might but I can't Zeb. How can I? All I can think now is you...sucking me and..."

"I'm sorry!"

"Fuck that. I'm not into this shit, do you hear? I'm not like you. And it creeps me out thinking about you wanting to fuck me. I'm sleeping on the couch. See you in the morning."

As I lay on the couch not sleeping, I waited, wondering, hoping. Maybe he will come down. Maybe I can get my shit together.

I am Angus Barker, footballer, high school jock, all round normal guy, straight stud colt with a string of girls.

I am in love with one guy and it kills me.

"Fuck you Zeb...why can't I get you out of my fucking system!"

I turned over and slept fitfully, while my friend remained alone upstairs in my bed.

*****

My locker door hadn't committed any crimes, but I punished it anyway. It made a satisfying splintering sound, one hinge failing as I slammed it closed for the fifth time with destructive force. The destruction calmed me a little.

"Uh...Angus..."

"Fuck off Zeb. Just...fuck...off..."

My friend nodded and trotted away, and I used all my resolve not to watch him go. I had been avoiding him all day as best I could, not easy when we had adjoining lockers. One of my mates had noticed something was wrong though, and he was staring at me now as I ground my teeth and glared at the splintered remains of my locker.

"Lovers tiff?"

It was not the smartest choice of words. I turned like a snake and gripped the husky by the collar, pulling him up and slamming him into the clockers.

"Hey! It's just a joke. You guys are so tight together I..."

"Can it Brian, I'm not in the mood."

I dropped the husky and he readjusted his collar and smiled a little sheepishly.

"Fine fine...you and Zebra boy can have your wedding later..."

"Fuck you!"

"Hey take it easy mate, leave the aggression for the field. We have house footy next remember?"

Oh shit. I had forgotten, Wednesday after school. My house against...

"Who are we playing?"

"Partridge"

Oh great. Zeb's house. Mother of fucking Christ. I slammed the locker door and the final hinge failed, dropping the door to the floor with a crash.

"Um...they haven't won all season dude. Not sure why it's such an...ohhh yeah..."

"Not one fucking word if you want to breathe through your nose Brian. Not one."

"O.k. In all seriousness though, patch it up whatever it is. You two are best mates, you don't know how much you mean to each other. Don't fuck it up."

"Thanks for the advice."

"Any time Silent G. Now, let's head for the gym hey?"

We had changed in silence, the husky giving me odd looks as I mumbled and fumed, wanting nothing more than the chance to get out on the field and hit some bodies. Maybe that would help. Plenty of girls to watch from the sidelines, seeing me tear up the field. Nothing more manly than football.

I trotted out to our huddle, giving a wink and a nod to a cluster of girls from our house on the grass bank. One lioness caught my eye and winked back, while the other giggled. Highschool girls can be so frigging young some times; and others like a thirty year old Europorn star. You were expected to navigate between the two as a masterful combination of sensitive new age stallion and dominant stud colt with a perpetual erection. Life was complicated as a teenage male.

More than enough without falling for a guy you loved like brother. And without finding he was gay and had a crush on you for years.

"Fuck my brain shits me sometimes."

"Is that a special tactic you want to share with us Barker?"

The captain , a bull called Rogers was looking at me with exasperation, caught in the middle of his pre-game address, one I had totally ignored. The bull was visibly seething, but I stared him out and gave a little smile. He isn't half as good as he thinks he is, that bull. I will show them all. Mostly Zeb...

"Right, now don't take them for granted, they have some first's players there and they can get it together. Barker, you are on a wing today, I want you using your speed and long kicking to break up their defence, and don't be a fucking hungus, pass for God's sake. Ok, lets fucking kill them guys, and have fun."

"Braddock House!"

"HO!"

We ran onto the field, taking up our positions. I saw Zeb trotting onto the field, looking out of place as he always did on the field. He wasn't a natural, that's for sure, though I had improved him a lot with kick to kick in the park over the years. He was more at home in the library though, or behind a keyboard. This was my domain, and he would taste my tail if he wanted to try and catch me.

Then I saw him stop abruptly and place a paw on my ass.

"Zeb...what the fuck?"

"I've been told to tag you, so that's what I'm going to do."

"Don't you play on the backline?"

"Not today Ang."

"Get your paw off me your perve."

"Awww...is the big star player having trouble taking a hard tag?"

"hard tag? You wouldn't know one if it bit you in the ass."

"Well, lead me to the ball hotshot and I'll enjoy taking it away from you"

"The fuck you will!"

I gripped him by the jumper and pushed him to the ground, the startled Zebra falling ungainly to the grass.

"Pweeeeeet!. Free, number 22, pushing."

"Fuck that!"

"Pweeet! And fifty metre penalty. Let's go!"

My teammates stared at me dumbfounded as I trotted backwards to the mark, now on the edge of the 50 metre attack line. The first bounce hadn't even happened and already I had conceded a free and a fifty. As Zeb looked at the goals and smiled, I realised the fucker was going to take the shot. We had done a lot of work, and I knew he could kick fifty metres with ease now, if he got his ball drop right. He measured out his runup, then waltzed in and connected.

The ball sailed over my head, a perfect drop punt, and it bent a little left to right as it wandered from a trajectory just to the left of the goals to one dead centre. Our ruck tried to tap it but missed his jump and it floated through for a goal, as the whole of Zeb's team embraced him and screamed like they had won the grand final.

"I thought he was a nerd?" opined one of my midfielders.

"He is a nerd, he just got lucky."

"Well, don't give him any more frees mate or he's going to be the luckiest equine out here."

What proceeded to occur was the worst ten minutes of my footballing life, even worse than the time I broke an arm falling out of a marking contest. That was merely painful, this was humiliating. If I had known it was to be followed by the worst twenty four hours of my life, period, I probably would have walked off then and become a monk or something. Thankfully, or not, life hides these things from us until the time is ripe.

My brain was in a spin, and I couldn't concentrate. Every time the ball came through, I was concentrating on Zeb, on his body, on thinking about him sucking on me, and not on the game. Every time he put his paw on my ass, I went ballistic, and gave away three frees before he gave up to save me from myself. I should have seen that for what it was, but instead I thought he was taking the piss, not even bothering.

My captain made it worse. As we waited after another goal, the umpires about to bounce, he sidled up and mumbled out of the side of his muzzle.

"True of false.We'd be better off with your nerd lover boy there on our team instead of you"

"Fucking cunt!"

Whistles blew as I charged my own captain like a mad colt, and it took two umpires to separate us. We were missing our bench that night, otherwise the bull would have sent me off. As it was he was tempted to play one down and piss me off for the rest of the game.

I wish so much he had anyway.

The ball bounced, and our midfield managed a clearance and got the ball into the forward line. I watched still seething, and saw their half back flanker make an intercept and take a couple of steps. I was caught in no man's land, betwixt and between, and I was caught wronghoofed as he sent a long helicopter kick over my head.

I realised I couldn't get to it, and I turned to see where it would land. There in front of me was Zeb, running towards me and the fall of the ball at full tilt. His eyes were high, following the floating ball, and he couldn't see me. I grinned, malice in every step, determined to prove myself. I am the footballer, I am the male, stronger and faster, the one everyone looks up to. I'm not some Zebra nerds boyfriend. Time to take the hit Zeb, and see how you like playing a man's game

My elbow and shoulder cocked, I ran hard, aiming for Zeb and a perfect hip and shoulder. He would take the ball in his midriff, and I would bump him and the ball hard, winding him and knocking it free to earn a turnover and run away with the ball. He was lined up perfectly in my crosshairs as the ball descended, still swirling in the breeze due to its high trajectory.

At the last second, the ball must have dipped, and Zeb dropped to his knees to take the mark. I was too late to correct, too late to realise the mistake, and too late wise. My elbow and forearm swung through hard, adding momentum to the already formidable closing speed of two large equines, and I collected Zeb square on the face as he dropped to his knees.

I had a half sight of a grinning muzzle as he clasped the ball before impact, then a jarring pain in my arm and shoulder. There was a sound like a wheatbag hitting the earth from a big drop, and a collective gasp from the field and the onlookers on the grass. My charge finished with me alone, in pain, gripping my arm and standing on the grass looking down at my hooves. I could not look back. I could not look back...

"Fucking bastard!"

Suddenly everyone was around me, a seething mass of guys, some in green from Zeb's house trying to tear at my body, some in red from my house trying to stop them. The mass writhed and tumbled across the field, screaming, yelling, ignoring the whistles and the cries from the umpires and the coaches and teachers as everyone rushed to the melee.

A bear from Partridge had me by the throat and was screaming at me, "why...why the fuck?" but I ignored him, trying to see. I couldn't see Zeb, no matter how hard I looked. Then the mob moved a little more and I caught a glimpse.

He was lying on his front at anawkward angle, not moving. His tail sort of twitched a bit, then stopped.

The coaches and teachers had managed to break us up a little now, but I didn't care, just staring at Zeb. Then one of the spectators finally went to him, and tried to rouse him. I saw the ram shake him, hard, then try to roll him over when he wouldn't respond. I saw it all, in slow motion like my hit. His body, limp as it flopped over a little, and the blood everywhere.

A girl on the bank screamed, and one threw up violently. The ram looked horrified, and stared in terror over at the teachers.

"Mr Denning...Mr Denning..."

Suddenly all was silent.

A crowd surrounded Zeb, and they got him on his side and brought a stretcher. I fell to my knees, not believing, not wanting to believe. Then I saw the fear on the teachers and my blood went cold.

"He's swallowed his tongue. I don't think he's breathing. Call the ambulance, and get nurse Reynolds from the sick bay. Run!"

They worked on him feverishly while girls cried and the guys all fell to the ground, too stunned and too horrified to move. I did too, just leaning forward to bring my muzzle to the earth and cry like a newborn. What had I done. Oh God.

When the ambulance came they bundled him into the back fast and headed off, lights flashing and siren blaring. I was still alone, my only companion occasional glances from the other guys. Shock. Amazement. Anger. Otherwise nobody would come near me like I was suddenly radioactive.

I felt a paw on my shoulder, and looked up to see my captain, Rogers, looking down. He offered a paw, and pulled me up to stand, shaking. I didn't know what to expect when I looked in his eyes. It wasn't what I thought I would see anyway. Sadness, maybe even compassion.

"Don't say it."

"No. I won't, it won't do any good. Go home, and I suggest not coming in tomorrow. The Principal will probably call your parents anyway, you can see him with them. Get your head into gear before then, or nothing is going to save you mate."

"Why...why are you being nice."

The bull looked over to the small patch of blood where Zeb had lain, his eyes sad, and then back to me. If anything the look was even more sad.

"Just because. Now get."

I got.

*****

In a daze I headed for the showers, picking up my bags and running before anyone could say a word. I saw my House teacher heading for me and I legged it, trotting back to my locker to stuff whatever I thought I needed into my backpack. I could barely see as tears blinded my vision, so I had no real idea what I managed to pack. It didn't really matter anyway.

I ran all the way home, barely noticing anyone or anything, and threw my bags on the bed. I saw the angry red light on the answering machine blinking fast, three messages waiting for my parents. Tempting as it was to listen, even erase them, I couldn't. There was no way judgement could be postponed forever. There was nothing I could do.

There was something I could do though. I could find Zeb, and tell him I was sorry, and make sure he was alright. He will be alright...of course he will be alright...

My phone started buzzing now, and I hit the reject button, turning it off. No distractions, I was on a mission. He would be taken to Saint Jude's Hospital, and that was where I would do.

Finally with a purpose, I headed out the door. I ran next door, hoping Zeb's mum would be in. There was no answer though, his house was empty. Since his Dad left, Zeb's mum had been working two jobs and his sister had gone off to uni, so Zeb was often alone. It was one of the reasons he was over at my place so much, he hated being alone.

The thought of him alone and scared in the ER was what drove me now, and I ran like a racehorse to the bus stop, just managing to catch the next service past the hospital. I could be there, if nothing else. He wouldn't be alone if I could help it.

I managed to get to reception at the ER and that was where the fun started. I couldn't seem to get the German Shepherd on the desk to take me seriously.

"I'm here to see Zeb...I mean Peter Van der Merwe. He was brought in by ambulance."

"One second dear. Are you family?"

"Well..."

"Only family are allowed in you see and..."

"We're brothers"

"Ahhh...one moment..."

The desk nazi tapped on some buttons and pursed her lips in a thin disapproving line

"Yes, well, a Peter Van der Merwe was brought it...from St Barnards College?"

"That's the one!"

"A Zebra...interesting genetics you equines have"

Her look was a masterpiece of sarcastic contempt.

"He's my step brother. Please, his mum may not know yet and I'm the only one around. Please, you have to let me in!"

"Wait here."

The Shepherd walked through a small door as I paced around the waiting are, then returned looking ominous. I feared the worst.

"Come with me."

I let out a soft sigh of relief, but it didn't last long. Coming round a white coridoor past beds and curtains and busy looking furs in white jackets, I ran straight into Mr Liu, Zeb's homeroom teacher.

"Well, come to finish him off have you Barker?"

I may have dented my reputation as a macho jock a little, for all I could do was fall into the Panda's arms crying and shaking and begging forgiveness like a five year old. I even wiped my snot on his tie. He pulled me into a small waiting room and sat me down and gave me a glass of water once I stopped crying long enough. Then he waited me out.

"How is he?"

"Concussion, head wound, some broken bones. He doesn't remember much, and he is pretty groggy. The CPR saved him, and the ambulance guys managed to stabilise him before he got here. According to the doctors, he should be ok but they want to keep him in for a while. Now, do you know where his family are? No one has been able to raise his parents or his sister."

"His mum works nights, his Dad left with his secretary a year ago. I think his sister is in Sydney."

The panda pursed his lips a little.

"Well, looks like I'm stuck in loco parentis a bit longer. Do you know his Mum's workplace?"

"Yeah, I think I know. Give me a bit."

I buried myself in my phone, just grateful to have something constructive to do. The elephant was still in the room though, and Mr Liu wouldn't leave it alone.

"Angus...can I ask why?"

My look was eloquent enough, and I started crying a little again, so the panda raised his paws in resignation.

"Ok, another time. The principal has asked for a report, and he has rung your parents. You are suspended, it's just a matter of how long. You will need to find an answer to that question before you see him though, just quietly."

"I know. Please...I just want to see him."

"Ok, through here."

The panda let me around a corner and parted a curtain. I wasn't really prepared for what I saw.

Zeb was hooked up to all sorts of equipment, a large monitor displaying his vital signs, and I could see a shunt in his arm with a drip attached. A nurse was fussing over his face, obscuring the view, but when she moved I gasped in spite of myself.

His face was a mass of bruising, and seemed wider than I remembered. One eye was closed by swelling, the other surrounded by bruising, and a large gash on his forehead had been stitched up. There was still dried blood everywhere.

"Hey!...I hope you got the number of the bus that hit me..."

"I'll leave you two for a moment..." the panda slowly backed away, probably grateful of a break.

"Thanks Mr Liu."

"Remember what I said Mr Barker" and the curtains drew closed again.

"What did he say Ang?"

"Nothing, don't worry. Hey, you look awesome. Way manly, like you just went five rounds with a bikie gang."

"Thanks, that's how I feel. What the fuck did happen?"

My heart skipped a beat.

"You don't remember?"

"Nothing. Last few days are a blur."

The nurse patted his arm and readjusted the sheets, smiling at us both.

"Transient amnesia. Happens after a heavy blow sometimes. You may regain the lost memories over the next few days, don't try to force it. Now, I need to run through the checklist with you to see how you are going. Is that ok?"

"Yeah...what checklist?"

"You don't remember?"

"No?"

She pursed her lips then, before nodding slowly.

"Ok. Question one...what day is it."

"Er...Tuesday?"

Now it was my turn to frown. It was Wednesday.

"Where are you?"

"A hospital...I know...wait...the Austin?"

Now she was smiling. I certainly wasn't.

"What year is it?"

"Ahhhh...2003."

"Good...now, what is six times seven"

"Fifty four"

"Who is the current prime minister?"

"Paul Keating"

I had to snort at that one. Then again, I'd like to forget John Howard too.

"What is your name."

"Peter Van der Merwe"

"What is your date of birth?"

"March eighteenth nineteen eighty-seven"

"Ok hun, you are doing really well, one last one. I am going to tell you three things, you need to remember them and recite them back for me ok?"

"Ok...I think..."

"Scissors...orange juice...gum tree..."

"ahhh......gum tree....water....football..."

She patted his head gently while I smiled reassuringly, all the while dying a little inside. This did not look good.

The nurse gave me a squeeze and a jerk of the head, and I followed her out.

"What the hell was that?"

"Standard neurological tests. He is not oriented in place or time, higher functions aren't working, and short term memory is a bust as is medium term. He does know who he is though, and long term memory is ok. Pretty standard response to a concussion and serious head trauma. There are no indications of bleeding, so once he rests he should get it back. We will give the same test every hour to track return of functioning."

"So hes'...got no memory, and can't make new ones at the moment?"

"Well, more like he's had his wires scrambled, so he can't find what he needs when he tries. As the connections get unscrambled, he should find it again."

I hated myself for hoping they wouldn't come back, at least some of them.

So I sat with my Zebra, talking when he was feeling up to it, just sitting when he wasn't, holding his paw and squeezing. I didn't broach the subject of how he came to be there, and he didn't ask again. He seemed just happy for me to be there, smiling through the pain. My own pain was getting worse, both in my heart and in my arm, but I tried to conceal both for him.

"Honey! What happened?!"

His Mum had come. I knew I faced more awkward questions.

*****

The following Wednesday, Zeb was out of hospital and recovering at home. I was at home too, for reasons not unconnected. I had found words for the Principal, and for my parents, and for Zeb's Mum, but they really seemed unconvincing. Mostly because they were untrue; I never told anyone why, or what made me so unwound that day. I pleaded stress and anxiety and a momentary brain snap, and a clumsy attempt at spoiling gone awry. I was sorry, so sorry, and that at least was true and made an impact. Everyone could see how much I was destroyed by what I had done. I had almost killed my best friend, and now he was still damaged. No one knew when or if he would make a full recovery. The school needed to send a message about violence on the sporting field, and I would be the object lesson. A part of me didn't mind; I could not have faced my school mates, or made any fist of classes the way I felt.

As the days wore on though, the boredom and anxiety got the better of me. I had to see him, and see if he knew. So I used the key and let myself in, hoping to find him up and about. He was, sitting on the lounge room couch watching television wearing nothing but a pair of footy shorts and flip flops.

"Hey!"

His greeting was warm and happy, no hint of trouble. I began to hope a little.

I also looked. His face was getting better, the bruising subsiding a bit. There was still an ugly gash marked by stitches, but he had recovered better than I hoped. There were cracks in his eye sockets and muzzle, but they were healing, and the soft tissues were doing well. He would be back to full Zeb soon, at least physically, barring the scar.

That wasn't all I saw though. His chest looked awesome, all the work we had done in the garage at my place paying off. I made him lift weights and spot for me, and though he remained lean, he had good definition. His stripy coat made it look extra hot, and I could see a patch of zebra pubes poking above the waistline of his shorts. His long legs flexed with muscle, and he stretched as I looked on, a sexy look made more sexy by his nonchalance.

Why are you finding him sexy...why...

You like him don't you...

"Hey yourself. How's the wounded warrior?"

"Not bad, though my brain is still fucked. Reading a book takes forever, I read the same paragraph five times and I can barely work it out. This is so fucked."

"What do the docs say?"

"Rest, and patience. I'm getting better, can remember more and do more each day. Just now bad television works though. This Dr Phil guy is a hoot."

I sat next to him, eyeing the TV. Zeb never would have been caught dead watching this before.

"Relax...I haven't turned into a zombie or anything. Just...my brain can't cope with much at the moment, so I'm giving it a rest."

"Watching Dr Phil."

"Would you prefer Bold and the Beautiful?"

"No thanks!"

"Awwww....some of the guys are hot...I mean...girls...I mean..."

Now he was flustered.

"Zeb...it's ok, I know."

"You...know...?"

"Zeb, I know you're gay. And I know you like me."

He was shocked now, and a little terrified, so I just sat casually watching the TV. I did reach out and squeeze his thigh though, his naked sexy thigh. I could feel the muscles under my fingers, taut and powerful. They fluttered, and lay still.

"Are you...are you..."

"I'm ok Zeb. Trust me."

I turned to him then, looking into his eyes. I saw the confusion and the anger. I knew he was fighting against the memory loss, pissed off and frightened as to what he didn't know that he should. I could sort of imagine his predicament too. My Zeb existed inside his own head a lot, secure in the power of his own brain to see him through. Now he was reaching for something to rely on and finding it not there, like going to a drawer in your desk and finding your things missing. Fear, anger, worry were natural. Unfortunately, I could not help him without condemning myself.

"How long..."

"A...little while. Shhh...relax Zeb. Please."

We stayed like that a moment, just staring, inches apart on the couch yet separated by a yawning chasm. Then I reached for his head, running a finger down the ugly scar. I could feel every stitch, my body shuddering at the memory of impact, and the sensation of transferred pain. I could almost feel the hurt, and I tried to soothe. My finger gently probed and stroked, sliding down his muzzle now and onto his chin.

"Relax Zeb..."

Then I bend forward, the soft smell of Zebra, deodorant, soap...sniffing his scent, the one I remembered from that night. He smelt good. He smelt beautiful in fact.

A muzzle bent forward, tentatively, and suddenly his lips met mine. We kissed, chaste at first, just rubbing lips together, a soft moan from his muzzle when the coarse tuft under my chin rasped against his still sensitive bruised skin. He didn't stop though, instead opening his lips to explore mine, then sliding a tongue tip into my muzzle. I matched his actions, touch for touch, until we were kissing suddenly, passionately, paws on bodies, gripping and touching. I clasped my paws round his back, pulling him close. He cupped my ass, clenching his fingers almost painfully on my flesh. The kiss went on, and I almost blacked out before I remembered to take a breath.

Then paws moved, with purpose. Mine inside his footy shorts, seeking out a sheath and zebra cock, his groping mine through the fabric of my school shorts. I had to wear uniform as if I was at school, and do school work, even though I was suspended. I didn't think this was normal school work, but I didn't mind. Maybe I had a second chance.

"Ohhhhh Angus...please..."

The kiss deepened, our tongues delving deep and jousting in our muzzles, more eager and more unwound than any girl. His body moved with strength and hunger. So different to a girl; and yet hot in its own way.

A guy...a guy...a guy...I'm fucking fucking a fucking guy...

I did not mind any more. I did not freak out any more. I was just so happy to have him back.

"Ohhhhhhh"

His clumsy fumbling became more purposeful, and he started jacking my full length through my shorts. My stallionhood was achingly hard, pressing against the fabric seeking release. I pulled my shorts down with difficulty, seemingly getting them caught every two seconds but finally yanking them below my balls. Zeb's paws worked feverishly, one squeezing my sac painfully hard, so much so I yelped, the other rough jacking my shaft. It wasn't very pleasurable, but the erotic fever made up for it.

Then I felt the zebra cock in my paw pulse, the tip swaying wildly in his shorts and suddenly my paw was covered in sticky zebra seed as he came, my Zeb closing his eyes in an almost pained expression as his body released its climax. His chest and abdomen clenched and flexed, and I felt each spurt, five, six, seven spurts covering my paw and making his shorts sticky and wet with spunk. Then he opened his eyes again in shock and bent forward to kiss me, even harder.

Then his paw wrapped around the head of my cock and rubbed the flare. I couldn't resist that, not with the heat of or coupling, the scent of zebra seed, and sweat, and Zeb musk filling my nostrils. I let out a startled whinny and fired of rope after rope all over the carpet and the couch, making a huge mess and not caring. I was lost in my orgasm, and in the company of my Zeb, and nothing mattered in that moment. Not even the worries that lurked in the back of my mind; my sexuality, now a matter of conjecture when I wanted so much to be certain in myself, a straight stud and proud of it. The evidence all over us told a different story, one more nuanced and problematic.

And of course, the even bigger worry.

We ended up lying together on the fluffy rug covering the floor, two equines covered in cum and sweat, kissing and hugging. The smile on Zeb's muzzle was pained, but real enough, and broad enough. Then it clouded, and he sat back, a paw on his head.

"Is something wrong Zeb? Do you need more painkillers?"

"No...I mean, yeah, it hurts, but it always does and I'm sick of pills so I'd rather take it. No...something...Geography...your room..."

Then he looked at me as memory dawned, first puzzled, then frightened, then accusing.

"You knew! You knew because I told you...your room, that night. We were doing a project and I ...when you were asleep...and you pushed me off. You told me you didn't like me that way...what was this then...Ang...whats going on.."

"Zeb..relax...please...I..."

"Ang...how did I get hurt."

"Zeb..."

"It was playing football, I know because people told me. And they looked at me, and they mentioned you, and told me to ask you. What happened Ang. Tell me."

"Zeb..."

"Fucking tell me you useless coward. It's coming back, but you have a chance to tell me all of it first...well?"

It was the only time in my life I have ended up covered in cum and crying. Sex is supposed to be ecstatic for guys, not an emotional roller coaster. Wham bam thank you mam, next fuck is scheduled for thirty minutes from now, let's have a cigarette. No crying, holding, feeling like your world has ended. But mine did then, as the bottom fell out of my stomach and the hope, even desire died to be replaced by terror. I had only just allowed myself to think of him that way, to allow that I might be in love with my Zeb even if I saw myself as straight. The imagined future disintegrated fast, so fast I couldn't cope. I cried a little, and more when I saw Zeb crying too. He was right though, I had a narrow window of opportunity, so I used it.

I told him everything. When I was finished, he couldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry Zeb. I know it's too late, and I can't do anything to take it back. It's not easy for me, is all I can say. I'm straight, I know that in my bones. And yet...when I'm with you...nothing makes sense."

"So I don't make sense then."

"That's not what I said"

"Close enough. Well, you'll figure it out Ang. You always do; you're the big picture guy. I'm just the nerdy details guy, who likes the intricate stuff while everyone else laughs at me. Even you it seems."

"No! Never that Zeb, please, you have to believe me."

"We will see. I will give you one more chance Ang, once I stop hating you. But you better not blow it."

It was a small crumb of comfort, but one I held on to. I should have known it would not be that easy.

*****

The year 11 dance came round, and I had many interested girls to choose from. Zeb and I returned to something close to our previous relationship, despite his mother's unease. We tried not to get physical, but the line had been crossed, and it proved impossible. His body was a new territory to explore, and I loved nothing more than exploration. His chest, his balls, his cock. One day, finally, I mustered up the courage and fingered his tailhole, clamping down on my inner inhibitions hard to give him this pleasure. His whimpers and cries made me so proud, and so horny. When his muzzle enveloped my cock I exploded in seconds, and as I was still hard, I gave him a second dose of stallion cum within minutes leaving us both panting and stunned, my Zeb licking up spoo dripping from his muzzle and then cleaning my cock.

I rationalised it as giving him something, and something was better than nothing. I wasn't ready to give him all of it though, and the dance brought it to a head.

Zeb wanted to go with me, a final test. I had agreed to go with Sarah, a bouncy and seriously sexy lioness from my maths class who had lusted after my stallionhood for months. She had the dress, the after party, the car all set, all I had to do was show. I could not let her down, or so I told myself. Mostly though, I could not come out and admit to everyone I loved a guy.

The expression on Zeb's face told the tale. Heartbroken, but not surprised. He just shook his head when I turned up with Sarah, the lioness clinging to my arm like we were superglued, triumph in every line of her body. She had won the contest, and scored the stud, and made her friends jealous. The rest was a small price to pay.

My mates gave me high fives, grinning and smirking and telling me to give her a good time.

A good time. That's my job, isn't it. Give her what she wants, even though she doesn't even know it herself. Fucking for the sake of appearances, and the ability to boast to our friends. Pity they weren't doing the fucking themselves.

I retreated to the shelter shed around the back of the hall for a smoke late in the evening, trying to clear my head. Sarah found me though, half drunk and half predatory. Her inner lioness had come out to play, and I seemed to be on the menu.

"There you are honey...hey, can I have one too?"

"Sure."

I donkey rooted the new fag and handed it to her, and she puffed nonchalantly while pulling off her shoes and massaging her footpaws. All the girls had gotten themselves high heels then regretted the pain it caused their unfamiliar paws. Sarah had gone for the highest of high.

"Shit these hurt. The price we girls pay for being sexy."

"Yeah"

She swatted my butt with a clawed paw, hurting a little.

"You're supposed to agree with the sexy part!"

I grinned sheepishly and kissed her breasts, making her moan a little.

"Sorry...my apologies. How may this poor knave make it up to you?"

"How about this..."

Her paws latched on to my bulge, and I gave a startled yelp as she squeezed my balls roughly. That didn't stop her though, and she clumsily unbuckled my dress pants, freeing my tenting cock and going down on her knees with a wink. She gripped my shaft and giggled.

"Hung like a horse, just like they said. Course, what would you expect...I love horses though, but you have the nicest cock I've seen..."

"T...thanks...ahhhhhhhhhh"

She suckled my tip, lapping at the flare just as I liked. I leant back against the wall, closing my eyes and trying not to freak out about getting a blowjob on school grounds. My head lolled against the wall, and I opened my eyes a moment, peeking out the big window looking out over the main hockey pitch.

A pair of pained eyes stared back. Zeb's eyes.

"Oh God Angus. I need it so bad. Give me this horse cock of yours please, pretty please?"

The eyes disappeared, and all I could see was darkness.

"Hun? Are you with me?"

"Sorry Sarah, you were doing so good, I lost it for a second. How do you want it?"

"Could you go down on me first? I....I'm a little worried about your size and..."

"Shhhh relax kitten. I'll make it good."

Shhh relax Zeb...please...

I clamped down hard on the memory. Not now. I would work out what to do later. Not now. I had a horny needy lioness begging for it. My cock was dripping, and I had half a bag of weed in my pocket for afters. Life doesn't need to be that complicated just now.

"Lie back on the bench there Sar...that's it..."

"Ohhhhhh yes. The girls said you weren't a gentlecolt. You are Ang...one of the good guys, you know?"

Yeah, one of the good guys.

I gave her the best pussy eating of my life, making her cum twice before I slid into her incredibly hot tight depths and fucked her till she screamed and dug her claws into my ass.

And all the time I felt precisely nothing.

*****

"Mr Barker. Mr Barker? I need to head off to an inspection now. Have you found what you were looking for?"

I returned to the here and now, the real estate agent smarming up my view again. He appeared genuinely agitated, so I acquitted him of lying just to get me out. He had the good sense to leave me for a while, at least.

"Not yet...just a moment."

As he watched a little puzzled, I groped at the bed, pulling the mattress out. There, in the dead space under the shelf on my bed head, I had left things that were important, things I didn't want my Mum to see.

My paws clasped around objects familiar and yet surprising. A box of condoms and a tube of lube. That made me grin a little.

A bag of weed, now old and dry. I wondered what it would be like. It was a pity weed didn't get better with age like wine; this could be worth a fortune.

My old bong, still dirty. I once drank the bong water for a dare. After that I never took dares about anything from anyone.

Then I found what I was looking for, my paw touching paper. I pulled it out, opening the folded sheet and staring.

"That's nice. Who is it?"

"Me. When I was 16."

"Who did it? Whoever it was looks as if they liked you."

"They did. And I fucked it up."

He had the sense to say nothing then, and his funereal quiet lasted until we had returned to our cars. He couldn't resist though.

"Are you sure I can't interest you a look at one of the penthouses on Station street?"

My slammed car door was the only response.

*****

The banner was large and in a bold but elegant typeface as befitted a middling suburban school with aspirations.

"Class of 2004 Ten Year Reunion"

I had dreaded the night, but found I could not resist. We are all masochists at heart, or so I believed. Here was enough evidence for me anyway.

The crowd was a good one, and for some reason most of us had turned up. Maybe it was some sort of fuck you to the school, a subconscious two fingered salute to the Principal. His valedictory speech had been a model of condescension, simultaneously complimentary and snide. We were not a team of stars, the year of 2004. But solid...dependable. Just not noteworthy. Nobody who would shine. But worthy all the same. The world needed bank clerks.

After a few altercations in class, the old bastard had ensured that Zeb would never be named Dux, even though he blitzed the state exams and got a score off the charts. Dux meant leader, according to the Principal as he droned on at our final assembly. So in his mind it would go to someone fit to be a leader, not just a nerd. My husky mate Brian had won the lottery, though even he looked embarrassed. Everyone knew it should have been Zeb. And everyone knew why it wasn't.

Zeb had come out in year 12, finally and completely. I had watched him in awe, intimidated and proud. He had done it, lived his way, even when the Principal tried to browbeat him into taking off his rainbow flag. He just gave as good as he got, becoming something of a hero for his defiance even amongst those with little love of gays.

"Hey, good to see you mate!"

"Hey, Brian! Hows things?"

"Well...you know, going ok. Finished uni, worked, retrenched, working again. Married, two pups who I adore. You?"

"Usual. Uni, job, career. No wife yet, just broke up with one of the girls from here actually. Remember Sarah?"

"Shit, not the lioness you took to the year 11 dance?"

"Yeah...well, we got together a year ago, but...well, you know.."

"Yeah, can't say I'd make a relationship last with anyone from here, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, I do."

I knew.

"We were all so stupid then. So stupid and so intent on not appearing stupid. How we didn't fuck eachother up forever I will never know, but we should never under any circumstances be allowed to get together except to reminisce about how stupid we really were and to tell each other how much better we are as people since. There should be a law."

"Must be reading my mind Brian."

"Have you seen Pete yet?"

"Huh?"

"Zeb..."

I shook my head sadly.

"He's over by the bar being accosted by Mindy."

Mindy. The first of our little merry band to come out after leaving school. A lesbian separatist now with two kids and a happy relationship with a very fem otter chick from France.

I hoped to God it wasn't me who turned her to the dark side. We only went out for two weeks, and I only fucked her three times. A couple of them were really good.

"Ahhhh Silent G as I live and breathe, or gag anyway."

"Hi Mindy.You know I hated that nickname right?"

"Of course, It's why we all used it. Good to see the Patriarchy well represented. The testosterone count just went through the roof, please excuse me hon I need some air."

"Gee thanks Min. Would you like my testicles in a small paper bag or something?"

"More like on a necklace. Delilah loves unusual jewellery."

She gave me a smile and a wink though, one that reached her eyes. Then a reassuring pat, and a long squeeze on my ass. As she passed, she leaned in and whispered.

"You were a fool boy. But you aren't a boy any more. Don't disappoint me."

And then her incredibly cute ass swayed all the way out, and I stared wistfully. She had the best ass of any girl in the year level, bar none.

"Ahem."

"Hey Zeb."

"Hey...been a while mate. What..a year?"

"Yeah. Shall we go outside, I'd like to talk."

My Zebra followed me, and I sized him up. Still beautiful, his body maturing into a studly package. He had kept up the weight training, as had I. Not as bulky as me, but more elegant, and more exotic as always. He kept his mane short, and his tail had golden bands at his dock. It looked amazing.

We headed for the shelter shed before I realised, and I looked in his eyes for a sign of recognition. It was there, but he smiled, letting me off the hook.

"Brings back memories."

"Yeah, some good some not."

"The noises sounded good."

That floored me.

"You...waited round...?"

"Yep. Heard it all. Even peeked again."

"You perve!"

We laughed out loud, lost in the past.

"Yeah, if I couldn't have you, the next best thing was getting an eyeful of your hot stud bod fucking a chick. You have no idea how many times I jacked off to that over the years."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be. Neither of us was all that smart."

"I'm still sorry. I knew I felt things for you...and I couldn't deal with it then. I can now, but that's not much comfort I guess."

"So how are you finding the little horror show here?"

"Fun. Its interesting seeing all the guys and girls. I kind of played games in my head wondering how everyone would turn out. Now I get to see the reality, kind of check against my expectations."

"And?"

"Some right, some wrong. I knew you would be successful, always. Smart, capable, and creative. No surprise you are a star."

"I thought we were a team without stars."

"Never."

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"Everything. The last year. The last ten years. Back then. All of it."

"Just as well I had a drink before then. This could take a while."

It did. By the end, we were sitting on the bench, arms around each other, just sitting quiet. I had a cigarette in my muzzle, and Zeb was resting his head on my shoulder. It was time I guess, time for the play.

"You were a fool boy. But you aren't a boy any more. Don't disappoint me."

"So why did you come Angus?"

"To see you."

"Come again?"

I pulled out the picture, folded carefully in my jacket pocket. He watched uncomprehending at first, but his eyes widened in joy when he saw it.

"I would like you to sign it, if you are willing to."

"Course mate. I did it for you after all."

I handed him a pen, and he scrawled the signature I remembered well. Even his writing was sexy.

"Zeb...I wasn't ready. I am now. I know it's no excuse, and you should tell me to fuck off, but it is what it is."

He stared, genuinely shocked. His eyes lit up again in pleasure, but they instantly became guarded again, the shutters drawn.

"Angus, it was a long time ago..."

"I know. And I've learned. Oh how much I've learned. Failed relationship after failed relationship. Because the one thing I knew I wanted, the one thing I needed, I couldn't face. It was you all along Zeb, always. And it took me far too long to admit it to myself. But it's true."

"I gave you one last chance Ang..."

"And I'm claiming it now. That time didn't count, I was too stupid and too young to know what I was doing."

"That's no excuse!"

"The fuck it is, don't you agree I was stupid and young?"

"Very"

"Well, your honour, I move we ignore the last fuck up and clean the slate. What do you say?"

"You don't even know if I'm going out with anyone."

"I do, you aren't. I talked to your Mum."

"You what!"

"She has almost forgiven me, almost."

"You don't even know if I still have feelings for you!"

"Yes I do."

"Mum again?"

"Mental note; never tell your Mum this stuff."

"Good advice."

I pulled out the sheet of paper, holding it up to Zeb. It was my final test.

"Tell me the Zeb who drew this isn't the one here now. Tell me...tell me you don't feel about the guy in the picture the way you did then..."

His eyes clouded, and he looked at me before dropping his head.

"I cant."

"Good. One last chance?"

"One last...hey!"

I took him by the paw, pulling a startled Zeb back to the hall. He tried to ask me what was going on, but he was too busy staying upright as I rushed him to the impromptu dance floor. A slow waltz was playing, several furs dancing self-consciously and grinning like conspirators. The waters parted as Zeb and me charged into the middle. I stood there, grinning like a maniac, my Zeb standing in front of me as everyone watched.

"Peter Van der Merwe...I choose you!"

And I pulled him into a kiss as the startled throng looked on. Cheers, catcalls, gasps, boos, I heard them all and didn't. I only had eyes and ears for one guy. I had a lot of ground to make up again, and I couldn't afford any more mistakes.

After, we headed for the bar and a long well needed drink. A few came up to us and smiled and gave half embarrassed congratulations. Some were more genuine though. Mindy for starters, who actually kissed Zeb on the muzzle and giggled. And one big bull, who just smiled and nodded and raised his beer to us in salute.

"Well Angus...not a bad start."

"Hey, I'm trying."

"Always."

"If you thought that was good, wait till I get you into the shelter shed later."

That brought a smile.

But not as big as the one he had when we did go to the shelter shed after, and I gave him the time I should have ten years ago, body on fire and heart in a mess. No crying this time, and no regrets.

Just the start of something better, or so I hoped. Maybe something to reminisce about in another ten years when we are fat and grey furred and had a couple of foals to drive us mental.

If that was the way it was, I didn't think anything could be better.

I am Angus Barker, footballer, ex high school jock, all round normal guy, once straight stud colt with a string of girls, now aspiring accountant trying to find my way in life a long way from school days and trying to be the best stallion I can.

I am in love with one guy and it makes me the happiest guy on Earth.

Sometimes life surprises us. That's what makes it fun.