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It was the end of another boring work day.  I rode home on the

subway like many of the other business suit wearing office workers who herded in and out

of the long cattle trains disguised as mass transit rail cars that

trundled in and out of the downtown core

every day.  It was a mind numbing part of the day for all of

these people and we mostly all sat quietly like we were in a trance,

waiting to come alive again when the train would let us out and we

could return to our lives.I often imagined what it would

look like in fast motion from further back.  Every morning all of

those people

flowing into the core and getting sucked into office buildings and

slotted into their cubicles.  Every evening flowing back out

of

the buildings and onto the streets and into the trains to head home.

 It was like the downtown was a huge set of lungs and we were

all

oxygen molecules keeping the city alive.  Every day was a big

inhale followed by a big exhale as the city breathed us in and out to

energize itself and

allow itself to live another day.  Just like any other living

thing, the city could not stop breathing or it would die.  In and

out every day on and on through the years we were sucked in and blown

out.For me, life was a continuous string of boring train rides in, and train

rides out, with boring shit filling in the spaces on either side.

 It was Friday, so this time the gap of boredom between train

rides would be a bit longer before the routine would start up again on

Monday.  Sometimes I don't actually look forward to the

weekend anymore.  At least when I'm working I get busy and the

time flies.I

was not a big fan of my job anymore though it paid extremely well.

 I was not a big fan of my home life either though it was

entirely

comfortable.  Neither work nor home were interesting enough

and it

was starting to wear me down.A big part of the problem was that

I had nobody special in my life.  Nobody I could look forward

to

coming home to.  Nobody I could think about all day at work

and

smile when I remembered something they said or chuckle when I thought

of how they would react to something I'd just seen or heard.

 Nobody I could

call

once in a while just to see how their day was going and to let them

know I wished I was right there with them.I needed someone who could

engage me and keep me awake and alive.  I had no idea who that might

ever be, or if they even existed, so I continued to sleepwalk through

my life on autopilot waiting for them to show up.I'd always been a loner and I assumed that was

just the way I preferred it.  Now as I got older I started to

think

it might be something else.  Maybe I just didn't fit in with

people all that well except superficially.  I certainly got

along

well with just about anyone I met or worked with and they were forever

asking me to do

things with them outside of work.  They would ask me to go to

the

movies or come out to dinner or for coffee and I would always come up

with some excuse not to.  Eventually they'd stop asking and

that

suited me just fine.For some reason I find most people boring,

even the interesting ones.  I have been unable to form a

lasting

relationship with anyone but the main reason I haven't been able to is

fairly obvious; I

simply haven't tried.  I've never met anyone I wanted to try it with.  I don't

know

what it is I'm looking for, but I think I'd know it if I saw it and so

far I've not met anyone who piqued my interest enough to pursue

anything serious.  I've never felt that spark.The end result is that I can be surrounded by

people who genuinely like me but I'm always lonely.  I smile

and

joke and chat with everyone at work.  I join them for lunch.

 We go for short walks on our coffee breaks and shoot the

breeze.  I chat with my neighbors when they see me outside and

say hi.  I'll talk to people on the train occasionally if they

open up a conversation.  I'm really good at engaging people in

conversations once we get started.  I usually have no problem

figuring out what interests them and getting them to laugh or smile.  The truth is, it all feels like a reflex to me.

 I talk to them because they prodded me into it, like a doctor tapping your knee and your leg automatically

jumping in response. On the outside, I seem like an entirely normal, likeable, sociable and well-adjusted person, but on the inside I

feel there's a great void with an odd shape that I've never been able to fill.

 I can't find anything that fits it right.I'm thirty eight years old and gay.  I have always known I was gay

since I was a little boy, even before I developed sexually.  I was always

physically drawn to men.  I was never repulsed by women but

always completely indifferent.  Nothing about them appealed to

me.  Everything about males appeals to me and always has.

 I love the way they smell and think and talk and act.

 I love the way they look.  I love the firmness and

muscles and sweat and body hair.  Needless to say I'm a huge

fan of what they keep between their legs.I've never had any problem attracting men either.  I'm six

feet five inches tall and weigh around two hundred and fifty pounds.

 Almost none of that weight is body fat.  I keep

myself fairly fit.  I spend a lot of time cycling, running, or

walking.  I use a rowing machine and elliptical machine at

home to keep fit too.  I have dark hair that I keep buzzed and

a goatee that I keep trimmed short and tight.  I have a great

deal of soft body hair and I've been told I have an attractive face.

 I have big hands and big feet and other big things, like a

big truck and a big house.  I'm a good catch and lots of guys

have tried to reel me all the way in and net me.  I simply

enjoy their company for a while and let them have some fun trying to

land me as I toy with them on the end of their line, and then I get

bored with them and wiggle off the hook and swim away.I can't bring myself to 'settle' with anyone.  I've already

settled when it comes to my career and I refuse to do it with my love

life.I'm bored enough that I don't even feel the urge to try anything

different in either my job or my love life.  I know it might be interesting for a short while,

but soon enough I would get bored again so why bother?  I wish

I knew what the hell was wrong with me.My stop was announced and the train pulled in to the

station.I followed the herd that flowed out onto the platform.  I

stayed back and walked slowly to allow the rest of the stampede to rush

on ahead as they scrambled to get to their vehicles or bus connections

to get home to their loved ones in time for supper.  I had gotten off at the far

end and had to walk the full length of the station to get to the stairs

that would take me out to the parking lot where my truck was waiting

for me.As I walked slowly along, I noticed a homeless person with a hoodie

walking ahead of me on the platform carrying two large plastic garbage

bags full of cans and bottles.  This is a common sight at the

stations.  People are generally not very environmentally

conscious and they throw their empty drink bottles and cans into the

garbage.  My state passed a bottle bill long ago that requires all cans

and bottles to be returnable for a minimum refund value to reduce

litter.  People throw them away anyhow since they can't be bothered to

hang on to them and take them back just for a few nickels.  Homeless

people often

come along and collect them out of the garbage to take back to redeem

the deposits.  It's a good way to get a bit of cash without

having to beg for it.I'm not a big fan of homeless people in general but I do appreciate the

ones who do this service.  The bottles and cans get recycled

and the homeless person has actually put in a good day's effort instead

of just sitting around and bothering people for money.  I

usually ignore homeless people completely, but in the case of these guys

I sometimes stop and ask if they need anything."Hey, hows it going?" I asked as I came up behind him.He turned, and inside the hoodie I saw a very young face.  I

think he might have been keeping the hood up to hide his age.

 He couldn't be more than thirteen or fourteen.  Way

too young to be out on his own."It's going fine, I guess," he replied.His eyes had dark circles underneath them like he was

tired.  He looked a bit slim but not really starved.

 He must be getting regular meals."I really appreciate you taking those in to get recycled.

 People are too lazy and they just add all that crap to the

landfill," I said.He smiled and said, "Yeah, I'm glad they do though, or I'd be in

trouble."I smiled back.  I wondered if I should offer him some cash.

 I never know if it's the right thing to do if they don't ask.

 He's working for his money and he might be embarrassed if I

just offer him some out of the blue.  I hate to see a kid this

young on his own though.  I should offer to get him help if he

wants it but I doubt he'd be interested.  If he's not getting

help on his own it's most likely because he doesn't want any.

 He might have already been bounced around foster homes or

abused at his own home and just doesn't want to go back to it.

 I had to try to help him out somehow though."Can I give you a lift to the redemption center to get your cash?

 There's one just a couple of miles away that I pass on my way

home," I offered.He

looked me up and down for a moment, trying to assess if I was any sort

of a threat I suppose.  I just stood and smiled and waited for his

answer.  He saw I was wearing a suit and holding a briefcase so I

was just a regular guy coming home from work.  He must have seen I

was in no way pressing him or anything.  I was just hanging back

and waiting.Our eyes met and I felt a weird sort of connection

that I can't really explain.  It's like something about him looked

familiar or right in some way that I can't describe.  I got a

really good feeling from looking into those eyes.  They were light

brown and big and beautiful.  There was an intelligence there and

a wariness, but there was kindness there too.  He must have seen

something in me, too, because I could see him become completely relaxed

like he'd decided I was alright.He smiled, "That would be really great, thanks.  Could I just

check the last few garbage cans along the platform real quick?""Of course, take your time and check them all.  I'm in no hurry.

 There's nobody waiting for me.  You know if you come by this

station regularly I should bring you all of my recycle bottles and

cans.  I have crap loads of them in my garage.  I could throw

them in the back of my truck and the next time you see me you could

take them in for redemption."He smiled and nodded, and then he turned and continued on to the next trash can and rummaged around in

it and pulled out a few more containers.  I walked along

beside him as he went.  I didn't want to say anything else

just yet so as not to scare him off.  I could talk to him

about getting help and maybe offer him some money once I had him in my

truck and we were rolling.  He hit the last trash can and we

were off to the parking lot.I led him to my pickup truck and unlocked the hard tonneau cover on the back and lifted it

up, and he tossed the bags of containers into the bed.  I unlocked the

truck and we got in and headed out."I'm Jake," I said, "Jake Smith.""I'm Elias," he said."I don't want to pry into anything that's not my business, Elias, but I

wonder if there's anything I could do to help you out?" I asked."Like what?""I don't know, whatever you think you need that I might be able to help

with.  Do you need someone to take you to Child Protective

Services or anything?""You're not gonna turn me in are you?  I really don't need any

of that sort of help and I don't want it.  It would be really bad for me.  I thought you were

gonna take me to the bottle drop," he said sounding a bit anxious."Yeah, don't worry.  I'm taking you there.  I just

wanted to know if you wanted help.  I'm not gonna force you

into doing anything at all.  I know I wouldn't appreciate anyone

pushing me into any help I didn't want so don't worry.  I just

wouldn't feel right if I didn't at least offer.  Could I at least

buy you

something to eat?  No obligation whatsoever.  You

can bail at any time," I offered."So now you're gonna take me home and order some pizza and we'll get

all cozy, is that it?" he asked."No, nothing like that.  I'm not trying to take advantage of

you in any way.  I'm just really bored and could use some

company for a while.  We'll stop at a restaurant and keep it

in public.  You can bail whenever you feel like it.

 OK?""Well, I suppose I could use a hot meal.  So long as we do it

in public, I guess it's alright.""Cool, you're really doing me a favor.  I was not looking

forward to another boring evening by myself.  It's gonna be great to have company for a change.  We'll take care of

the bottles and then we'll go eat whatever you're in the mood for," I

said."I could actually go for pizza I guess.  I haven't had any in a while," he said, smiling.I smiled back and nodded.I pulled in to the bottle drop and let him collect his refund.He came back and got in the truck and we headed out again."Thanks for helping me with the bottles Jake, I really appreciate it.  Where are we gonna go now?" he asked."I know a great spot for pizza.  They make a really kick ass

one with tons of meat and a thick crust," I said."Sounds great, but I wonder if we could maybe change the plan.

 If it's OK, I really would like to go to your place so we can

order in," he said, "You seem pretty cool and I think I can trust you.

 I'd love to just sit somewhere comfortable and relax for a

while.  I've been on hard park benches and cold ground for so

long it would be great to relax on a soft couch for a bit.""Sure, if that's what you want.  I'd like that.  We could watch

a movie or something too.""Cool, I haven't seen a movie in a few years," he said."Years, really?  You look like you're no more than fourteen

years old Elias.  How the hell have you not seen a movie in

'years'?  You can't have been on your own for that long.""Yeah, uh, you're right.  I guess I was exaggerating.

 It seems like that long though," he said.I wasn't convinced.  It seemed like he was back pedaling

because he didn't mean to let slip how long he'd been homeless.

 Three years would mean he was ten or eleven when he started out

on his own.

 How the hell could he have made it for three years and at such a

young age?  It didn't seem possible.  That's a hell of a lot

of meals to procure for a growing boy.We didn't have far to go to get to my place and as I turned onto my street I hit the remote for the garage door as we

approached the cul de sac.  Elias gawked at the house when he

saw the door going up."That's where you live?  That house is big!  Do you

have a big family?" he asked."No, I live alone.  It's bigger than I need, I guess.

 I don't really know why I bought it to tell you the truth.

 I could easily get by with a small apartment.  I

like the privacy of my own home, I suppose, and I needed a place to put all my shit."I pulled into the garage and we got out and went into the house and we

kicked off our shoes and walked in to the kitchen."There's a bathroom down the hall there if you need, Elias.  Maybe

you should wash your hands since you spent the day rummaging through

the garbage.

 I'm just gonna go change out of my work clothes and be right

back."He went down the hall to the bathroom and I headed upstairs and changed

into some clean sweats and a t-shirt.  No need to be all

formal with this particular guest.I came back down and found Elias sitting at the table in the kitchen

waiting for me.  He'd pulled off his hoodie and thrown it on a

chair and he was wearing a fairly clean looking t-shirt underneath.  I placed a

quick call to order a couple of pizzas."You want something to drink, Elias?""Sure, whatever you have.  I'm not fussy," he said."Go ahead and take a look in the fridge and pick whatever you feel

like.  Help yourself to anything else you want too.  My house is your

house," I offered.He went to the fridge and pulled out a can of iced tea.  I

followed him and grabbed a bottle of water."Come on, let's go down to the theater and get setup," I said.I led him down into the basement.  I have a fairly large two

story and the basement is quite big and sort of acts as my

entertainment area.  Half of it is a theater

with a big sound system and a 120" screen with a projector.

 There's a comfy couch front and center, and a couple of large

lounging chairs on either side.  The other half of the

basement was the gaming area where I had my gaming computer set up at

one end with a racing cockpit and triple monitors.  In another

corner was a big

screen TV with an Xbox and PS3 and another comfy couch.  I have a

couple of pinball machines and an arcade machine that I'd gutted and

put a PC inside with an LCD screen that's dedicated to running MAME.I pointed Elias to the shelves of blu ray movies and told him to pick

whatever he wanted, while I grabbed the remote and sat down on the couch.I watched him as he looked over the selection.  This was the

first chance I'd had to really look at him closely.  He was a

hell of a good looking kid.  His hair was dark brown and

fairly long and shaggy.  He was slim but not exactly skinny.

 He actually looked really fit, probably from always being on the

move all day every day.  He moved with an assured sort of

gracefulness that you normally don't see in a teenager.  Usually

they're sort of clumsy and awkward inside their rapidly growing bodies.

 He moved in his like he'd lived in it this way for a long time

and was comfortable with it.

 He actually seemed really small for a fourteen year old.

 I wondered if I'd guessed his age right.  He hadn't

corrected me when I suggested he was that age earlier so I expect

that's what he is, but he could just as easily be thirteen.  He had

nice shaped hands and fine features

with a slender nose and big, light brown eyes.  He had nice sized feet,

though they were currently encased in some slightly dirty looking socks

that I could already get a light whiff of.He didn't seem as filthy as you might expect for a homeless kid.

 Somehow he'd been keeping his clothes relatively clean.

 Even his teeth were perfectly bright white, almost to the point

where it looked as though they'd never been used.  How the hell is

that possible for a homeless kid who probably hasn't even used a

toothbrush in ages?

 It suddenly occurred to me that he might not be homeless at

all.  I'd simply assumed he was.  Maybe he just comes from a

rough home and was looking for extra money from the bottles.  My

curiosity overcame me and I was really comfortable with him right off

so I decided to prod a bit."Hey Elias, would you be OK with me asking you some personal questions?

 Anything you don't want to answer just say so.""Sure, I guess," he said."Are you living out on the street by yourself?""Yup, have been for a while.  Why do you ask?

 I thought you knew.""I thought for a second you might not be because you're actually pretty

clean and really healthy looking for a homeless guy.  How are you managing that?

 Where do you sleep?""I sleep outside.  I won't say just where if you don't mind.

 I rinse my clothes down at the river fairly often or at

one of the pools or fountains in the parks.  I don't sleep in my clothes so

they dry while I sleep," he said.There's a river valley that cuts right through our city with a wide

slow river and there are several parks along it connected by a network

of paved trails.  I spend a lot of my free time there on my

bike.  It would be a decent place to hang out if you were

homeless, I guess.  Maybe that's where he sleeps.  He could

easily set himself up a shelter with blankets or a sleeping bag hidden

in the woods and would never be found or disturbed there.

 There would be a lot of discarded, half-eaten food there too

in the garbage cans but I sure as hell hope he's doing better than that."How are you eating?  Are you getting enough money from returning

the bottles?" I asked."I get by.  I eat as much as I need, mostly.  You

don't need to worry," he said."I wasn't really worried.

 I was just curious.  You look healthy enough.  You've

obviously been taking great care of yourself and I'm impressed.  I

know a lot of adults who don't do as good a job caring for themselves

as you seem to do."He shrugged and smiled.I wanted to offer him something more to make his life easier, at least

for a while, but I wasn't sure how far I could go without him feeling

embarrassed.  I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but he

seemed like such a good kid I couldn't let it drop."Would you be interested in staying here for a while, Elias?

 No strings attached.  You could bail whenever you

want.  I've got more rooms than I need, so you'd have a

comfortable bed to sleep in for a while if you want a change from sleeping outside," I

offered.He looked back at me with a bit of a measuring stare, like he was

trying to figure out if I was up to something.He smiled and asked, "Are you some sort of perv?""No, that's not it at all.  I could use the company is all.

 It's nice to have someone to talk to and I like you already.

 In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you

that I'm gay.  I'm not into boys though, so you have nothing to

worry about.  I've never been with anyone under aged before

and I have no intention of going there.  I just wanted to

offer you a room if you like.  It would be cool for me to have someone to hang around with for a while.""I'll think about it.  You seem like a really nice guy.

 It would be great to sleep in a bed again.  It's been

a long time," he said.I smiled and nodded.  I didn't want to pressure him, so I said no more about it."Let's watch this one, I've never heard of it but it looks pretty cool," he said and handed me a

movie.I

looked at his choice and saw that it was a hugely popular sci-fi action

movie that had come out more than two years ago.  How the hell has a

kid his age not even heard of it when every other kid would have seen it

three or four times?  Could he really have been out on his own

since he was ten or eleven years old?I fired up the system and went over and stuck the disk in the player.

 We settled in at opposite ends of the couch."This screen is awesome!  It must be great to have all this

stuff to use whenever you want," Elias said."Yeah, it's OK, I guess.  You sort of forget how special it is

pretty quick.  Having a bunch of stuff doesn't really make

life a whole lot more interesting, just easier.  I get pretty

bored even with all this crap around."He smiled and said, "I wish I could be so bored for a while.""Well, like I said, you're welcome to stick around and try," I said, and I smiled at him.We were about twenty minutes into the movie when the doorbell rang, so

I went up and got the pizza.  I grabbed some plates and

napkins and brought the pies down and stuck them on the coffee table in

front of the couch.  We both dug in and polished the first

pizza off in no time and got half way through the second before we

finally felt too full to eat any more.The pizza was in the middle of the table so we'd sort of moved in

together at the middle of the couch to eat it.  I settled

right back and he did the same so we were sitting side by side now with

him on my right and just a small space between us.I'd already seen this movie more than once so I wasn't really paying

attention to it.  My mind wandered to Elias and what his life

must be like.  I've had everything I could possibly need and

more for most of my life.  I've never really stopped to think

what it might be like to have nothing more than the clothes on my

back, wondering how I'd get my next meal or where I'd sleep.  It

couldn't be

that great, yet somehow I thought it must be sort of liberating.

 You wouldn't be locked in to any schedule.  You wouldn't be

anchored to a home and a pile of crap.  You wouldn't have the

steady stream of bills coming in and taxes to be paid.  Nobody

would be expecting anything from you and you could move from one place

to another on a whim.  It would probably be pretty lonely, but in a

sense it would be the same as my own life in terms of loneliness but

without all that other crap getting in the way.I sometimes wonder why I'd collected so much crap over the

years.  I bought such a big house because my junk was

overflowing my previous house.  Someday I might need one

bigger than this.  What the hell do I need all this shit for?

 I don't even have anyone to share it with.  It's

only fun for the first few weeks anyhow, and then it goes mostly unused.In a sense, it's more entertaining to just sit and talk to this kid than

to watch a movie or play some video game.  I felt really

comfortable with Elias for some reason.  I normally tense up

around kids because I don't really know how to act around them.

 I never spend any time with them, so I'm not practiced at all.

 Somehow this kid seemed pretty laid back and almost older

than his years.  Maybe it was just the effect of living on the

street and having to take care of himself.  I wanted to ask

him more questions but I didn't want to disturb his enjoyment of the

movie, so I sat quietly.Suddenly he leaned into me a bit.  I looked over and he looked

at me and smiled and looked back at the movie.  I slouched a

bit and put my feet up on the coffee table to get more comfortable and

leaned slightly over toward him too.  He put his head on my

shoulder and we both sat quietly watching the screen.The contact with him felt really good.  I suddenly found

myself wanting to put my hands all over him.  I wasn't about

to do anything though.  It's really not the reason I'd brought him here and I didn't want to scare him away.

 It must have been a hell of a long time since he'd had any

physical contact with anyone and he might not want any more than this.My right hand was resting down on the couch right next to my thigh and

he moved his left hand down and slipped it under mine and clasped

hands.  I didn't pull away at all but I made no moves of my own.  I was

curious to see how far he was going to take this.He wiggled over a bit more and stretched his full length against me

like he wanted to sort of cuddle.  I let go of his hand with

my right hand and moved my left hand over to take its place while

moving my right arm over his shoulder to hold him close.  He responded

by wiggling a bit closer still, to settle into the new position more

comfortably.None of this was really sexual and yet for some reason my cock was

starting

to stir.  I really hadn't intended to try to do anything

with Elias.  He's just a boy.  The close contact was

definitely getting

me interested in it now though.  I was so comfortable with him it

was hard not to just start taking it to the next level.  I fought

the urge and let him stay in charge of what happened."I'm not really watching the movie.  Could we turn it off and

just talk for a bit?" Elias asked."Sure," I said, and used the remote to turn off the player and the projector and hit the

button to turn up the lights a bit.We sat quietly, cuddling for a bit, and then he broke the silence."What's it like having everything you need and having a job and being a normal person?" he asked."I'm

not sure I know what a normal person is, Elias, but I don't think I am

one any more than you are.  I'm a bit of a loner.  It's

weird you should ask that question because just a moment ago I was

thinking how your life would be just as lonely as mine, but in your

case you wouldn't be tied down to all this junk and all the rules and

responsibilities that go along with it.  It must be hard for you

though.  Are you on your own because you want to, or because you

had to?""Both.  I wanted to get away from a shitty life,

but I can't really go back and try to get a normal one.  It's

complicated.  It's really lonely, like you said, but it's not that

bad for me.  I do alright," he said."Do you move around a lot?  I think I would if I wasn't tied down to a house and a job.""I

move some, yes.  I've been sort of following the river that goes

through the city.  That's how I ended up here.  I've been

sort of working my way north but I've been here in the city for a few

months now.  It's nice here.  I like how it's basically

natural woods right through the heart of the city.  You can be deep in

the woods one minute and right downtown the next.  It's neat.

 I might stay a bit longer.""I hope you do.  I like talking to you and I'd like to get to know you better," I said."Did you bring me here to mess around with me?" he asked."No, I really didn't.  You just seem like a really nice kid

and I thought you could use a break from your life and just take it

easy here for a while.""Would you be willing to mess around with me though, if I wanted to?"

he asked."I'd have to be an idiot to turn you down if you really wanted to.

 I don't want you to feel obligated though.  You

really don't have to do anything with me.  You don't owe me

anything.  I just like having the company.""Could we mess around?  I haven't touched anyone or been

touched in so long I really could use it.  When I asked you if

you were a perv before, I was sort of hoping you'd say, 'well duh, of

course I am'," he said."How far are you wanting to go, Elias?" I asked."I don't really care.  As far as you want.  I've

messed around with friends before.  I just want to get naked

with you and play for a while.  I want to take you up on your

offer to stay the night, too, if that's OK.  I don't want my own

room though, I'd rather just sleep in your bed with you," he said."Yeah, sure.  That would be great.  You want to go up

right now?" I asked."Sure.  Can I get cleaned up first maybe, take a bath?""Do you really need to?" I asked."I smell.  I haven't washed in a few days," he said."Elias, I can smell your feet already.  I'm gonna be honest and

tell you I really like it.  You don't stink at all, you smell nice.  If you don't mind, I'd actually

like to mess around first, and then you can take a bath after.

 I'd like to smell you as you are if that's OK, it's sort of a

thing for me," I said.He smiled and nodded.We got up and I led him upstairs to the bedroom and turned on the

bedside lamp.  He got on the bed and stretched out."Anything happens you don't like, or whenever you're ready to stop, just

let me know, OK?" I asked.He nodded and just lay there smiling and waiting for me to make the

first move.  The bulge in his jeans was already growing and my

own cock was inflating fast in anticipation.I got on the bed and came up beside him and stretched out next to him.

 I moved in for a kiss and he returned it without hesitation.

 I moved my upper body over top of him and kissed him again and

flicked my tongue at his lips.  He parted them right away and

let me in.  We necked softly and slowly, touching our tongues

lightly.  I ran my hand around his chest and belly and down to

his crotch and started to rub at his bulge through his jeans.

 He inhaled and moaned a bit and jammed his tongue harder into

my mouth.  We started to intensify our necking and his hand

came to my bulge and he latched on to my growing cock through my sweats

and started to work it a bit.We necked for a while and felt each other up and finally I pulled back

and just stared into his eyes.  He smiled up at me.He was really gorgeous.  I hoped he'd be willing to

stay with me for quite a while.  I felt a weird sort of

connection that I couldn't explain.  I'd never been with

anyone so young before, yet it didn't feel the least bit strange.

 It felt right.  I started to wonder if this kid was

the right shape to fill that void inside me.  Maybe this was

what I'd needed, the company of someone who wasn't jaded and

full of expectations that needed to be filled just so.  He was

just playing it by ear with his life and didn't really seem to have

any agenda at all other than to do whatever feels right at the moment.I maneuvered myself over him with my knees on either side of his hips

and grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it up.  He

raised his arms and let me pull the shirt off him and I tossed it

aside.  He had a nice, slim but very fit torso with pale skin,

and a flat belly with an innie navel.  His skin was so perfect it

was almost surreal.  I couldn't see a blemish or scratch or scar

of any sort anywhere.He still had his arms

raised above his head so I stretched out over top of him and put my

hands on his.  I leaned in and necked with him just a bit

more while I ground my crotch against his.I pulled back and then moved my face in and nuzzled his

neck and kissed him there a bit and breathed some of the scent of him.I moved down and kissed his chest and moved over to suck on one of his

nipples.  I sucked it in and flicked my tongue several times

across the tip and he sucked in a breath and arched his back slightly.

 I continued to play with his nipples for a while sucking and

nipping at one while pinching the other lightly between my fingers and

rubbing my thumb around on it.  He seemed to love it.

 His nipples were as sensitive as my own and I could feel them

stiffening up for me.  When someone plays with me like that I

get a weird sort of electrical connection from my nipples right to my

groin that pulses every time they pinch or rub or bite at them.

 I kept it up a bit longer and then I moved my face over to

his arm pit.His pits had a light amount of soft hair and they had a nice, light, sweaty smell that

curled my toes.  I sniffed at him and then kissed him and

started to lick up the sweat and salt.  I love the smell of a

guy's pits so long as it isn't overpowering.  He obviously wasn't wearing any deodorant or

antiperspirant which was all good for me.  He smelled

completely natural and very appealing.  I'd cleaned it enough

with my tongue that the effect was wearing off so I moved to the other

pit and worked that one too.I worked my knees down the bed a bit to line my face up with his belly,

and then I moved in and kissed the warm skin at his navel.  I

inserted my tongue to taste him there and then swirled my tongue around

the belly button and down to the skin just above the top of his jeans.

 His skin was so warm and smooth and soft.  I could feel the heat

steadily rising in me from how much I was enjoying this.I ran my

tongue lightly underneath the waistband of his jeans to taste the skin there.  I moved my face down further and

nuzzled his crotch.  He was fully erect inside his pants now.

 I rubbed my nose along the shape of his cock then turned my

face and rubbed my cheek on the bulge.  He was really warm and hard as a rock.

 I couldn't wait to set that tool free.I reached in and undid the button on his jeans and pulled the fly down.

 I spread his pants open and moved my face right in.  He was

wearing white briefs that looked pretty dingy and a bit stained.

 I could feel waves of heat coming off his crotch and there

was a bit of a damp spot where the tip of his cock was.  He

was oozing precum already.  I inhaled long and slow to get the

smell of him.  There was a faint odor of urine and crotch

sweat but it wasn't overwhelming.  It was just enough to make my head spin.  I nuzzled his penis some

more through the fabric of his underwear and moved my lips up to kiss

his cock at the tip, and then planted little kisses down the length of his hard shaft until I

reached his balls and kissed them and massaged them with my lips.

 They were nicely plump and shapely.  He had really

big balls for a kid and his cock appeared to be almost six inches and very thick.I wanted his jeans out of the way so I pulled them down and off over

his socked feet and threw them to the side.  I'd slid right

off the bottom of the bed as I pulled his jeans off and I stayed there

for the time being.  It was time for one of my favorite parts.

 I put my hands on the tops of his feet and started to rub

them.  I moved my face in to one of them and put my nose just

under his toes and inhaled deeply.  He smelled absolutely

fantastic.  His foot odor was rich but not overpowering.

 His socks were pretty dirty and probably didn't get out of

his smelly old shoes much except for when he rinsed them out.

 It had to have been at least a couple of days.  They

smelled like heaven to me.I looked up to see his reaction.  A lot of guys get really

embarrassed when I do this, so I stop if it's making them

uncomfortable.

 He was looking down at me and smiling and his cock was still

completely engorged inside his underwear.  He didn't

seem to be self-conscious about it at all and he was not turned off by

me going there.  He was gonna let

me enjoy myself.  I smiled back at him and moved my face back

in to enjoy the aroma some more.  I started rubbing his feet a

bit, enjoying the shape of them through his dirty socks.  I pressed my

thumbs in the balls of his feet and slowly worked at them to help him

relax more.  I kneaded and squeezed at his nice feet along the edges

and I pinched at the toes.  This

was pretty much for my enjoyment only and was probably not doing much

for him so I decided not to spend too much time on it, but I wanted to

at least taste his toes.I pulled his socks off and threw them with the other clothes and then

sniffed under his long toes again.  I stuck my tongue out and ran

it along the underside of his toes and then inserted it into the gaps

in between them to

taste the sweat there.  Oddly enough, his toenails were absolutely

pristine and perfectly pedicured.  He had no corns or callouses or

rough spots anywhere on his feet even though he must spend the majority

of his days walking on them in his crappy old sneakers and wearing them

out.  It seemed strange that they would be in such great shape, but I

didn't give it too much thought.  I just wanted to enjoy them a bit

more.  I sucked on his big toe a bit and then

sucked in more toes and began to lick furiously at them trying to wash

them completely with my tongue.  I loved it.  I

switched to the other foot and did the same.  I kissed and

licked at the soles of his feet and then rubbed my face at the tops of

them.  They were really nice feet with perfectly straight toes and I

could have spent a

hell of a lot more time at them, but I didn't want him to get bored by

my fetish so I moved back up to his crotch.I took hold of the waistband of his underwear and lifted them up and

pulled them right off of him and threw them aside.  He lay

there completely naked now, and what a beautiful sight he was.

 I would have never thought I could be attracted to such a

young guy but he was really doing something for me.  He had a

decent patch

of pubic hair above the base of his cock and a light bit of fur on his

big plump balls.  His cock was uncut and looked to be

just over six inches long and fairly thick.  It was

absolutely gorgeous.  His balls were really nicely shaped, and

a lot bigger than I would expect for someone his age.  Some

guys just get lucky that way I guess.I looked him over from head to toe again.  I was struck by the

fact there was not even the slightest blemish or scar anywhere on

his body that I could see.  Everyone had some sort of little scars

by this age, especially a boy.  By the time you were that age you were

taking a lot of chances and getting hurt time and again in some small

way, leaving scar on your leg from when you

fell off your skateboard, or on your belly from when you crashed and

hit

the handle bars on your bike, or on your elbow from where you hit the

pavement or something.  He had none.He was perfect and beautiful from head to toe.  The whole package was something I'd never even tried to imagine before.

 So young and fresh and gorgeous.  So alive.

 I was overwhelmed at how much I wanted him."You're so fucking beautiful, Elias.  I can't put into words,"

I breathed.He smiled at me as I moved up between his legs and put my hands under

his knees and lifted them up and outward a bit to get better access to

his crotch.  I moved my face in and nuzzled the spot between

his balls and his thigh.  He'd been sweating there and he

smelled absolutely amazing.  I snuffled all around moving his

big balls with my nose to get at all of that terrific scent.  The

smell was so good it sent little jolts of electricity though me that lit

my body up like a light bulb.  It was like the scent of him

was making a direct connection to my libido and pulling the cord that switched it on.

 I had never been so turned on by the smell of a guy before.I started to move his balls around in his sack with my lips and gently

massaged them.  They were so nice and big and plump and they had real weight.  I sucked them in and ran the length of my

tongue along his scrotum and licked up his salt and sweat.  I

licked along the side of his balls where they meet with his thigh to

get all of the sweat that had collected there.  I then put my

hands under his thighs and pushed them higher and more towards his chest to bring

his sweet, tight rosebud into position.I buried my nose in the crack and sniffed at him there.  It

was awesome.  I extended my tongue and licked from his

tail bone right up past his butthole to the base of his balls over and over again to lick

up the sweat from his crack.  His pucker was not completely

clean but I wasn't about to complain.  I started to rub my

tongue at it to clean it off and the tangy taste sent more jolts of

electricity through me and raised the level of my desire for him even

higher.  I cleaned his pucker completely and started to probe

my tongue at it harder to try to taste him inside.  He moaned

and relaxed and let me in.  I love rimming and doing it to

this boy was wonderful.  It's such a personal and private area

that I really feel great when someone lets me in to taste them.

 I feel like they're completely opening themselves up to me.

 This boy seemed to be really in touch with his own body and not

the least bit shy about it.  When someone really appreciates their

own body it makes sense to them that someone else will want to touch

and taste every part of it too, so they tend to have no inhibitions and don't get embarrassed by anything.I pushed my tongue in to his anus as far as it would go and wiggled it

against the

smooth wall of his rectum while I moved my hand up to lightly massage

his balls and the base of his cock.  He moaned some more and I

felt his anus clench and squeeze my tongue out.  He might

already be getting close to orgasm.  It's likely been a long

time for him so he wasn't gonna last long.  I pushed my tongue

back in and he squeezed it back out and then relaxed to let me in

again.  He was clearly enjoying the sensation of my warm tongue being

forced out and rubbing along the sensitive nerve endings of his tight

ring.  He was starting to moan and squirm and his breathing

became a bit more shallow and quick.  I wanted his cum in my

mouth so I pulled my tongue out and let his legs back down.I moved my face up to his cock and kissed it and then licked up along the

shaft to the slit at the tip.  I ran the underside of my tongue

back and forth across his piss slit spreading the oozing precum around.

 I moved my mouth over the head and sucked his cock in.

 I sucked all the way down to the root until my nose mashed up

against his pubic bone and I could smell the light, sweet musk there in his pubes.

 I was so turned on I felt like I was gonna blow my load.Elias moaned as I started to move my mouth up and down on his

rigid cock faster and faster.  I moved my hand in between his

legs and started to finger his tight little hole with my middle finger

while lightly massaging his balls with the thumb and I increased the

suction on his cock.He immediately started to moan and writhe on the bed.  The combination

of all of these sensations assaulting his body at once were more than

he could take.  His

hands came down to the back of my head to push it harder onto his cock

and then he started to buck against my face.  I felt his big nut

sack tightening up under my thumb and suddenly he grunted and I felt

his anus clamp down on my fingertip.  His cock head swelled and a hot

jet of his cum shot into my mouth.  He bucked and moaned as

his anus continued to pulse against my fingertip and he shot more and

more of his unusually huge load of spunk onto my tongue.  I sucked

greedily at it and

wanted more.  The bucking slowed and stopped and his cock

switched to slowly oozing the last of his cum out.  I reduced

the suction and stopped moving so I wouldn't over excite his sensitive

cock head.  I gently sucked a bit and held the vacuum a little longer

while still working

his balls and asshole and squeezing at the base of his cock to stretch

his orgasm out as long as possible and coax out every last drop of his

sweet cum into my mouth.When he finally sighed and pulled his hands off the back of my head I

gently let his cock slip from my mouth and I moved up the bed to cuddle

next to him."That felt so fucking amazing, Jake.  I really needed that.

 Thanks," he whispered."I loved doing it, Elias.  You're so amazingly beautiful to me.

 I don't think I'd ever get enough of you," I said.He rolled on top of me and kissed me and nuzzled my neck while I rubbed

his naked back."I want you to fuck me," he breathed."Are you sure?  Have you done it before?" I asked."I've done it.  Not with someone so big but I can take it if

you go slow.  I really want to feel you inside me," he said.I rolled him onto his back again and got up and pulled off my t-shirt and

socks and pulled down my sweats and underwear at once and stepped out of them while he watched, smiling."I love all the soft body hair you have.  It looks so great.  I want to

be on my hands and knees so you can fuck me like you were a big wolf,

taking his boy and owning him," he growled, and rolled over and got in

position.I smiled and got on the bed behind him and moved my face in to work at

his hole some more with my tongue.  He was so relaxed he was

opening right up.  I got it good and wet then wet my finger

and gently inserted it.  He stayed relaxed and I pushed it in

further until it was past the big knuckle and all the way in.

 He moaned softly and stayed still as I began to work it in

and out.I wanted him so bad I couldn't hold out very long.  My cock

was fully pressurized and bobbing up and down leaking precum.

 I went to the nightstand and quickly got a bottle of lube and

put some in his hole and then rubbed some on my fingers and then I

carefully inserted two fingers at once and pushed them very slowly into his relaxed

hole.  He moaned again but didn't move.  He clearly

wasn't feeling any discomfort yet.  My cock is cut and about seven

inches and thicker than average with a large head.  I wanted

to make sure he wasn't going to feel any pain so I pulled back and

added a bit more lube and then put three fingers together and inserted

them and held that position for a minute.  He still wasn't

complaining so I pushed them in a bit further.  I didn't want

to go too fast because the shape of three of my big fingers gets pretty

wide fast at the base.Each time I moved in a bit further I'd hold it.  He seemed to

be holding his breath a bit as I got closer to fully inserting the fingers and his

anus got stretched further.  I'd hold and wait until I felt

him relax and start breathing regularly again.  Finally, I got

them fully inserted and he still seemed OK, so I slowly and gently

pulled back and pushed them in again and held it.  I started

to build a bit of rhythm and pulled them in and out faster.

 He was moaning softly but not complaining, so I felt he was

ready.I couldn't wait any longer and added a bit of lube to my cock and

tossed the bottle aside.  I put my large cock head against his

anus and firmly pushed.  There was a small amount of

resistance but he relaxed more and slightly pushed his anus out and my

cock head popped in.  That was the hardest part for him as the

head is wider than the thick shaft.  He tensed up as it went

in but I held my position and waited for him to relax.  It

didn't take long and he started to breathe normally again and I slowly

pushed myself deeper into him until I reached the end and my hips

bumped into his ass.  He moaned and I pulled him slightly more

towards me and worked my knees out just a bit to get the best possible

penetration and pushed harder to try to get as deep as I could into him.He felt amazing.  He was so snug and warm.  Once I

started building a rhythm I was not going to last long.  I

pulled back until the head almost emerged and then smoothly pushed back

into him and he moaned again.  I grabbed his hips and I began

to hump him slowly, building up a faster rhythm as I went.  He

was doing great, so I really started to let myself go to work towards my

orgasm.  I bucked at him harder and harder with each thrust

and I felt my balls swinging back and bumping forward and he moaned with

each thrust.I was moaning too, and I quickly began to feel the electricity building

in my crotch.  I looked down at my cock pulling at his anus as it came

out and then pushed in again.  I loved the sight of it.  My

toes started to curl and I felt waves of

power build and start to pulse through me as my nut sack began

to tighten up.  I leaned forward and grabbed his shoulders and began to

thrust harder and faster as I moaned and the charge building between my

legs rapidly grew to a huge peak.  I cried out and slammed hard into

him just as that massive charge of electricity exploded outward through

my body and the first

big wave of orgasm washed over me.  I felt my cock get

thicker and my cock head expanded while my pelvic muscle spasmed hard

and pulsed a long thick stream of cum into Elias's bowels.  I

grunted and bucked once more as another powerful wave hit me and I shot

another long jet into him.I could feel the cum rushing up my shaft and shooting out of the slit

on my cock head.  It felt like more cum than I'd ever shot in

my life.  Again and again I spasmed and bucked against him,

moaning and pulsing every bit of seed I had into him until there was

nothing left.  I slowed to a stop and leaned forward over him

and put my hands to either side of him and pushed in as deep as I could

go to enjoy the warm snugness of him just a bit longer, pretending to be his big wolf and tied to him while my cock

oozed out the last of its payload into him.I nuzzled the back of his neck and kissed him there and said, "That was

so amazing Elias.  I've never wanted anyone so bad in my life.

 Thank you so much."He carefully moved forward to lie down and I followed along with him

until I lay over top him with my cock still in him.  I pulled

him over until we were lying on our sides and he spooned into me while

I tried to keep my cock fully inserted as long as possible.  I

held him tightly and marveled at how good he felt in my arms.

 I was not expecting to be so turned on by this boy.

 This wasn't the reason I'd picked him up at the station but I

could not be happier that he'd let me do it with him.  I felt

a weird sort of connection that I'd never felt before.  I

began to think that I could fall deeply in love with him.

 That was something I'd never felt with anyone, yet I

was already feeling it for him even though we'd only just met.  I

didn't try to analyze why I felt this way.  I just allowed

myself to feel it."I think I could fall in love with you easily, Elias.  I've

never felt such a strong connection with anyone before," I whispered."I feel the same way.  I wanted you since I first looked into your eyes,

Jake.  I've never felt this way before either," he said.We lay in the spooned position for a while longer and finally my cock

had softened completely and I

pulled back."I think I'd like to get cleaned up and then go to sleep.

 Could I have that bath now?" he asked."Sure.  The main bathroom is right off the bedroom through

that other door.  I'll take your clothes down to the laundry

and wash them," I said."Great.  Could you come and join me in the bathtub when you're

done?" he asked."Of course, that would be awesome," I said.He went to draw the bath while I gathered up his clothes and took them

down to the laundry to clean them.  I couldn't help breathing

his socks a bit more as I went.  It seemed a shame to wash

them.  I should actually take Elias out to get some new

clothes tomorrow.  I'm sure he'd be OK with me helping out a

bit more.  With any luck he'd just stay with me from now on.

 I'm not sure how that would work exactly from a legal

perspective.  At some point I'll need to try to get his story

out of him and find out why he's on his own.  Someone may be

looking for him.  I couldn't in good conscience hold on to him

and keep him to myself if he's got parents who are searching for him

out there, trying to get him back.I didn't really feel like thinking about all that shit right now

though.  There would be plenty of time for that later.

 I should just enjoy his company at least for the weekend and

then start thinking more seriously about things.I went back up and he was already in the bath when I went in.

 He'd washed his hair and rinsed it out and he had the

luffa and he was scrubbing at his feet and legs with it.  He

smiled at me and slid forward in the tub to make room for me.

 I got in behind him and put my legs to either side and he

moved back against me.  I put my hand out and he gave me the

luffa and I started to wash his back, shoulders and neck as he leaned

forward.  I loved bathing him.  It felt right

somehow.  It felt good.I took my time and washed him thoroughly behind and then pulled him in

and started working his chest and then his arms and pits.  He

really wasn't very dirty so it didn't take much effort to get him clean.His cock had hardened right up again and he was ready for more.

 I put my hands under his butt cheeks and pulled up to get him

to come up a bit.  I closed my legs and he sat back down in my

lap and his crotch was just below the water line.  He leaned back against me and I grabbed

his cock and raised it up above the water and began to work some soap into it.  I slowly

jacked him off while I kissed the side of his neck and lightly worked

his balls with my other hand."That feels so nice," he said."Feels great to me too," I said, "I'm really comfortable with you,

Elias.  I feel somehow like you belong right here, with me.

 I hope you'll stay around for a while.""I'm happier than you can imagine that you talked to me back at the

station.  I've never had anything so good happen to me before.

 I've never felt this good in my life.  I'll stay as

long as I can but I can't promise much.  Let's just enjoy each

other and not talk about the future yet, OK?"We went quiet and I continued to slowly work his cock and I could sense

he was starting to feel his orgasm building.  His breathing

got a bit faster and shallower and he started wiggling against my hand

like he wanted it to go faster.  I increased the pressure on

his cock and started jacking it faster and harder.  He started

moaning and then he grunted and tensed and shot his load out onto his

belly.  I kept jacking at his cock while he shot the rest and

then I slowed down and just milked it nice and slow and he relaxed back

into me.I used the luffa to wipe all of his cum off and tossed it to the back

of the tub and then just put my arms around him and held him tight into

me for a while.  I was so comfortable and content I started to

feel myself drifting off to sleep."Let's get rinsed off and go to bed, OK?" I asked.He nodded and stood in the tub and I popped the drain open and ran the

water to get the temperature good, and then stood up behind him and turned on the shower head.

 He rinsed off and stepped out while I soaped up and then rinsed and got out.  We dried off and went to bed

and crawled under the covers and cuddled.Without another word to each other we were asleep in minutes.The next day was great.  We made love slow and easy in the

morning as soon as we woke up.  It was beautiful.I made us some breakfast and then we went and spent the afternoon

shopping.  He bought a bunch of new clothes.  I was

happy to see he wanted several sets so he would have lots of clothes at

my house.  He obviously was planning to stay for a while.  I

got him some good, comfortable hiking shoes.  He let me buy him a

haircut.  I like a dude who looks like a dude and I'm not a big

fan of long hair.For

some reason it felt completely natural to be with him.  We talked

almost non-stop.  Our conversations flowed like we were old

friends or something.  Nothing felt forced.  He got my jokes

and he said things that cracked me up or really made me think.  I

found him really interesting.  Even the silences in between were

completely comfortable.  I had a terrific day with him.  It

was almost like he'd come to fill the position that I'd needed before,

someone to keep me engaged and feeling awake and alive.  With him

I no longer felt that conversation was a reflex.  It was something

I wanted to do.  I no longer felt like I was sleepwalking but felt

like I'd woken up completely and I felt fresh and ready to live.

 I really enjoyed my time with him in a way I'd never done with

anyone else.When we got home I set up the electronic locks at the front and back

doors so he could make his own personal pin code to get in to the house

on his own if I wasn't home.  The locks engage automatically

so if he needed to go out for any reason he would be locked out and now he could come in any time he wanted.

 He'd asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might rob me.

 I told him he was welcome to anything he wanted but he should

at least smash a window and make a mess so I could claim the insurance.

 He laughed.  I told him it would be easier if he

told me how much money he wanted and I'd just give it to him.

 He didn't have to steal a damn thing.  He just shook

his head and said he was fine and didn't need any money at all.We had a great time for the rest of the day and the next.  We

watched another movie, screwed around with video games.  I taught

him how to drive a formula one car on my computer and how to fly an

A-10 Warthog and work the weapons systems.  He kicked my ass at

Unreal Tournament 3 on the PS3 even though he'd never played it before.

 He showed a lot of natural skill on the Dark Knight pinball table

too.  He was really well connected with his body and coordinated.We talked and joked and fucked some more.  It was the

best weekend I'd ever had in my life and I'd wished it would never end.  I was really tempted to

just call in to work and let them know I needed a bit of time off.

 I might actually do that later in the week but I was in the middle of a

very important project that would take me a few more days to finish up

so I thought it better to go in.Monday morning I got up and left Elias sleeping in bed while I showered

and shaved and got dressed and ready to go.  Just as I was

about to leave the room he began to stir so I waited for him to wake up.He looked up and saw me and smiled."I have to head out to work now, Elias.  I'll be back around

six tonight.  Help yourself to anything you need at all.  I want to say thanks for giving me the best

weekend of my life.  I hope you'll stick around.  I'm

gonna really miss you today," I said.He smiled again and said, "It was the best weekend I've ever had too.

 I wish it wasn't over already.  I'll miss you too.

 Have a great day, Jake."I leaned over the bed and kissed him and then I headed out.Work was really tough to get through.  I had trouble focusing.

 The day dragged on as my thoughts kept turning back to Elias and

the

great time I'd had with him.  I picked up the phone a couple

of times and called home but he didn't answer.  I hadn't

thought to tell him I might call so he should pick up the phone.  I

missed him so much I was

tempted to skip out early but I was already at work and I needed to get

that project done so I could actually take some days off and spend them

with him, so I stuck it out.The day finally ended and I stuck with the stampede this time when the

train pulled in.  I raced to my vehicle just like everyone

else because I finally had a reason to want to get home in a hurry.

 I smiled all the way home and pulled into the garage full of

anticipation at finally being able to see Elias again.I walked into the house and jokingly shouted, "Honey!  I'm

home!  Where's dinner?"There was no response.  The house was completely quiet."Elias?  Where you at?" I shouted.Again there was no answer.  I was about to go search the house

when I saw a note sitting on the kitchen table.'Hi

Jake, I want to thank you for

the best time of my life.  I'm really sorry but I have to

disappear for a while.  I can't explain, but this might happen

once in a while.  Don't waste your time looking for me because

I won't be around in any place you'd find me.  I'll be back I

promise.  I think I love you and I'll never go away for good

but I need some time to myself.  I'll be back in a few weeks.

 I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person but it was just easier

for me this way.  Please don't be mad.   Elias.'My heart sank.  I felt physically sick like I'd been punched

hard in the gut.  I think I'd really fallen in love with him in

that one short weekend and I did not see this coming.  I ran

up to the bedroom and looked in the drawers he'd put all of his new

clothes in.  They were still there.  Maybe he really

did mean to come back.  I didn't know for sure though.Why would he go away for weeks?  What the hell was happening

with him?I resigned myself quickly to the fact that there was absolutely nothing

I could do about it.  I would have to wait it out and confront him if and when he came back.It was gonna be a hell of a tough few weeks.