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It had been four weeks since Elias disappeared on me.  It was

the worst time of my life.  I'd never had such a difficult time

getting through the days.  The short, fantastic weekend I'd had

with him had shown me just how empty and meaningless my life really

was before.  He was what I'd been missing all along.I tried to

look at things objectively.  It just made no sense that I could

meet someone and fall deeply in love in just one weekend.  I

couldn't deny the way I felt though.  I'd never been in love

before.  Maybe this was how it happened for most people.  It

was all new to me.I

had no idea that love could be the source

of so much pain though.  Not knowing where Elias was drove me

nuts.  I didn't know if he was OK.  I didn't know if he was

even thinking of me.  What if he really didn't care and wasn't

planning on coming back?  What if he'd been doing to me what I'd

done to so many men in the past, toying with me for a while as I tried

to reel him in and then slipping off the hook and swimming away?

 He certainly had no roots so what if he'd moved on to another

city?

 What if I would never see him again?  I wished I'd thought

to buy him a cell phone so he could at least call me once in a while and

let me know he was OK.I

even felt physically sick from it.  I had developed a sharp pain

in the left side of my abdomen slightly forward.  I think it might

be an ulcer starting to build in my stomach or something from the

stress.  I was not sleeping well and I wasn't focusing well at

work either and it was starting to show as I screwed up things I would

normally have no trouble with.  I felt drained and tired all the

time but I kept driving myself on through the days, trying to get them

over with.I'd taken to riding trains at random on my lunch

breaks going through as many stations as I could, looking for

someone in a hoodie collecting cans and bottles.  I had no luck.

 I'd started riding my bike down on the river valley trails every

free moment I had as long as there was light enough to see.  My

house is less than five minutes' bike ride from the start of the trail

system at one end of the city so I could be out on them within minutes

of getting home.  I was

hoping to get a glimpse of him somewhere since he'd given me the

impression that he lived down there.  Again, I had no luck.

 He'd

warned me that he wouldn't be anywhere that I could find him but I had

to do something.  I couldn't focus on anything else really, so

spending time searching for him was the best way I could think of to

pass the time away.It had been four weeks since I first met

Elias

and it was Friday again and I was riding home on the train.

 Someone had left a newspaper behind on the seat so I picked it up

and

looked over the headlines.  I'd been so out of it for the last

month that I was really out of touch with what was happening in the

world.  There was an odd story about animal carcasses that had

been found along the river valley.  I remembered people mentioning

something about it at work while they were chatting at the water

cooler.  The

river has a very wide and deep wooded valley that cuts right through

the city and curves partially around the downtown core and our

office building is right next to the river valley.  We would

sometimes go for walks down on the trails on our lunch or coffee breaks

and there had been warnings

to be on the lookout for aggressive animals.It's

quite common

for deer to be seen along the valley.  Over the last few months a

total of four carcasses had been found that had been taken down by some

sort of predator and mostly consumed.  The most recent had been

found a couple of days ago.  That's news simply because

while deer are common, there are no large predators around.  The

article suggested an unusually large wolf had done the job but there

were certainly no wolves around here normally.  We did sometimes

get

coyotes but that was about the largest carnivore around and they

normally couldn't take down a deer, especially not just one coyote.

 Even one large wolf would usually not be successful in a hunt by

itself.  They hunt in packs.  The evidence showed only one

animal was responsible for the carcasses and that it had an unusually

large bite pattern, so it was a real mystery.I

realized I might have had an encounter with this predator a couple of

weeks ago.  I'd been out riding on the trails looking for Elias

and it was getting really late, but as I turned to head back home I ran over

something on the trail and got a puncture in my front tire.  I had

used my spare tube a couple of months ago and completely forgot to

replace it.  I always carry a patch kit and tools in a small bag

under the saddle where I normally have the spare tube, and I have a hand pump attached to the frame.

 It was a pain to fix a tube but it would be a lot better than

walking all the way back which would take hours.  It was getting

pretty dark so I had to

use the light on the front of my bike to work.  It took me a good

forty minutes to get the tube out and locate the leak and patch it and

put it back and fill the tire with air.It

had already been

starting to get dark when I'd started to change the tube and now it was

really dark by the time I was riding again.  I still had quite a ways

to go following the trails back the way I'd come from.  I was

getting

close to the point where I normally turn onto a trail that goes up the

side of the valley switching back and forth until it comes out at the

top onto a street.  From there it would only be a few minutes

of riding along the streets before I'd get back home.  As

I went to turn I saw the flash of two eyes reflecting my light back at

me from the bushes off to the side.  I stopped and shone my light

back in that direction and I was sure I saw the shape of a huge dog

with light and dark brown fur turn and move back into the trees.

 Really it looked

much too large to be a dog.  In hindsight I think it looked too

large to be a wolf even, so at the time I thought the darkness must have

been playing tricks

with my perception.  If what this article was saying is true, it

may have been a big wolf.  It might be the one responsible for the animal carcasses.   There haven't been any real wolf

populations in my state in close to sixty years, though in very recent

years they had suddenly started to make a comeback encroaching a bit

from the north.  Still, there were absolutely none around my city.The weird thing was that I kept hearing

sounds in the bushes on that side of the trail and behind me as I

continued to ride.

 It was almost like the animal was following me at pace even

though I was riding pretty fast.  It took me

about fifteen more minutes to go up the trail to the top of the valley and

the exit that would take me to the street and I heard the sounds all

the way.  Just as I got to the top I turned the bike around

sharply and stopped.  Sure enough I saw the two eyes

reflecting the light back at me again.  I stayed still and they

moved side to side a bit but didn't go away.  The spacing of them

and their height above the ground and the amount that they swiveled side to side suggested a very large animal.There

was something strange about the eyes that made me feel oddly

comfortable.  For some

reason I wasn't the least bit afraid.  As I stared at the eyes I

felt a strange connection or familiarity.  I saw intelligence and

wariness in them, but no real threat.  It was like they were simply studying me.  God knows the animal

could have taken me down at any time as I rode the switchbacks up the

side of the valley, yet it had simply followed right behind and

beside me instead.  I slowly began to

move toward the eyes to try to get a closer look but I heard what

sounded

sort of like a low mournful whine and then they turned and vanished.

 There was the sound of something large moving quickly away though

the brush and back

down into the valley.It had spooked me a little but didn't really scare me and I hadn't really thought

of it much more until now.  Maybe there really was a large carnivore

hanging out down there.  It certainly hadn't seemed to be threatening to me but I'd need to be careful in future.  I

don't know why it would have been following me but it probably wasn't

too safe to go back there at night again.I had bought a

replacement tube the next day so I'd be able to fix a puncture more

quickly.  I wasn't going to let that incident deter me from

looking for Elias.  I returned to the valley every evening after

that but didn't hang around until it got dark.  I'd seen no other

signs of the animal.My station was announced and I got off the

train and rushed to my truck.  I always raced home now while praying

that when I got there Elias would be waiting for me, sitting at the kitchen table and

smiling.  He said he'd be a few weeks and it was now just shy of

four since I'd last seen him so I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see him again.I got home and rushed in, but the

house was empty.  My heart sank and I went up to my bedroom to

change into my cycling clothes.  There was nothing else to do but

go for a ride and look for him again.  I wasn't eating very well

but I barely had any appetite and it was actually a chore to stuff food

down.  I nuked a couple of pizza pockets just to give myself

energy for the ride and then I headed out.It was another

fruitless search and I came back as the sun was setting to a house that

was still empty.Saturday

was a complete bust as well.  I'd

started early and ridden slowly for the whole day.  There's close

to a hundred miles of paved trails in a complex network that ran along

the river valley and crisscrossed the river in several places on

long pedestrian bridges.  I'd bought lunch and supper at vendors

in the parks and

ate snacks to keep me energized.  It was a long haul and I was

completely exhausted by the time I got home at sunset.Once

again the house was empty.  I showered quickly and went straight

to bed.  I was so tired I was out seconds after I turned out the

light, and I slept like I was in a coma.The next morning when I woke, I didn't quite feel ready to get out of bed, so I cuddled in closer to Elias.

 I was spooned against him and it was so comfortable and he felt so warm and good in my arms that I just didn't

want to get up yet.  I was still in that state somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, when dreams seem like reality.As the fuzziness of sleep left me my mind suddenly came into focus and I

realized Elias really was right there in my bed!  My heart started to hammer

in my chest.  I froze and didn't know what to do for a moment.I didn't want to freak him out but I sure wanted to

shake him awake and ask him where the hell he'd been and what the hell he'd put me through that for.I

tried to calm down and stayed very still.  I needed to get control

of my emotions.  The last thing I wanted to do was upset him and

make him want to get the hell out again.  I stayed in bed and held

onto him for a while longer.  He was sleeping like a log.  I

don't know what time he'd got in.  I was so tired myself I hadn't

woken up when he came into the bed.I

nuzzled the back of his

neck and breathed the wonderful scent of him.  I caressed his soft

brown hair.  I softly touched my lips to the side of his neck and felt his

warm pulse there.  I held my hand to his chest and felt his heart

beating

and the rise and fall of every breath.  He was really here.

 He was home and I would get to be with him again.  I felt

tears welling up in my eyes I was so happy to have him back.  I

spooned for a long while holding his warm body against me until finally

my

bladder forced me up and out of bed.I got out as carefully as I

could so as not to wake him.  I looked at the clock and saw it was

nearly 9 AM.  I went in to the bathroom to relieve myself, then

threw on some sweats and a t-shirt and went down to the kitchen to make

us some breakfast.  If he didn't get up I'd bring some up to him

and serve it to him in bed.I was in the middle of frying up

some bacon and making toast when he came up behind me and put his arms around my waist

from behind and rested the side of his face against my upper back.  I turned and took him

into my arms and hugged him tightly.  There were tears in my eyes

again when I pulled back and looked at his beautiful, smiling face.

 I was so happy he came back I'd forgotten how upset I was with

him for taking off.  I didn't want to even broach the subject.

 I just wanted to be with him and not think about it but he was

the one who brought it up."I'm really sorry I took off on you, Jake," he said, "I feel so bad.  I missed you so much it was driving me crazy."I saw tears welling in his eyes.  He really was sorry."Why did you go, Elias?  Where did you go?""It's

complicated.  I don't know if I should tell you.  I think I

love you, Jake, and I'm a bit confused about what to do.""I

love

you too.  I have no doubt about that now.  I haven't

been

able to think about anything but you since you left.  I haven't

had a

proper appetite.  I've been feeling physically sick.  I've

been fucking up at work I was so distracted.  I know you told me

not to bother

looking for you but I couldn't think of anything better to do.  I

searched all the train stations hoping to find you there.""I

know you were looking for me.  You even rode all over the river

valley looking.  I'm so sorry.  I love you too, Jake.  I

really do.  I don't

really doubt it either.  I've been thinking of nothing but

you too since I left.  I shouldn't have taken off without talking

to you before.  I shouldn't have put you through that.  I

think I can trust you with the truth but I was scared what would happen

if you knew.  We really need to

talk about this but I have to think about how I'm gonna say it.

 It's gonna be hard and I don't want to upset you or lose you over

it," he said."I can't imagine anything you would tell me that would ever change my feelings for you.  Let's

talk about it after breakfast.  I'm just so happy you're back I

don't want to get into too heavy a conversation right now.  Let's

just be together again for a while, OK?" I asked.He smiled and slipped

back into my arms and we hugged a bit more, then I gave him a kiss and

asked him to get us some orange juice out of the fridge while I

finished up cooking our breakfast.I

could barely take my eyes off him as we sat at the table and ate.

 We finished our breakfast in silence as we both just kept looking

at each other and smiling.I wasn't sure how long it would be before

I would get over the fear that he might just vanish on me again.

 I thought maybe we should actually have that heavy conversation

sooner rather than later so I would know what was going on with him and

why he had to disappear for so long.  It might be the only way to

appease this fear I had that if I left him in a room alone I might come

back and find him gone again.  The first thing we'd need to do is arrange to keep him in touch."Elias, would it be OK with you if I bought you your own phone so you could contact me if you need to?" I asked."Sure,

if you want.  That would be good.  I didn't go away to get

away from you.  I missed you every minute.  I just wasn't

ready to tell you the truth about me.  I thought if I did I'd lose

you forever and never be able to be with you again.  I should have

told you everything.  I think it would have been

a lot easier if I had.  It just might be hard for you to accept at

first, but I can definitely show you it's true," he said.What

the hell could possibly be going on with him?  This was really

starting to make me feel uneasy.  I hoped whatever it was I could

help him get over it and clear the road for us to stay together.

 It was time to find out what it was."Are you ready to tell me now?  I'm definitely ready to hear," I said."Yeah,

I'm ready.  I'm scared that if I tell you you'll throw me out and

it will be over, but if there's any chance of me seeing you more you

have to know.  You're gonna think I'm crazy or having fun with you,

but we can talk about that after I get it all out.  Just sit and

listen for now and don't say anything until I'm done.  I'll start

with how I got to be homeless..."I never had a dad that I knew

and my mom died when I was

just eight years old and I was moved between foster homes for a while

after that.

 I hated the world and I had a hard time getting along with

people.  When I started to get older I got bored

easy and I ended up getting myself into trouble a lot, so I'd be shipped

off to another home and never really got attached to anyone.  One

summer I was sent to a camp for troubled kids to try to teach me some

discipline and respect.  I hated it and I ran away one day.

 I had only turned fourteen a couple of weeks before but I

decided I was old enough to be on my own.  I figured it couldn't

be any worse than what I had.  I bundled up my clothes and slipped

away from the camp when everyone had gone to bed and I ran for

a long time through the woods.  I didn't really know where I was

going and hadn't planned it out well, but I was just gonna keep going

until I reached the highway.  It started to get darker and while I

was running I heard a

horrible sound, like someone was being hurt really bad or something.

 I snuck over to see what it was and I couldn't believe my eyes..."There

was a man who was totally naked.  He had his clothes all folded

up nice and neat over to the side and he was standing and breathing

really hard.  He was yelling out and hunching over and then

straightening out like his

whole body was wracked with pain.  He fell to his hands and knees

and screamed long and loud and I almost ran away right then, but I

decided to stay hidden behind a tree and try to see what was wrong with

him.  I heard some sickening sounds like bones breaking or

something and he actually started to change right in front of my eyes.

 I thought I was going insane but I couldn't peel my eyes away.

 I saw a long tail start to grow out of his tail bone.  It

got

long and thick and looked like a rat's tail.  I saw his feet

stretch and change shape like they were becoming a long bone and his

toes at the end started to widen out into big paws and his thighs

actually seemed to get a bit shorter and narrower."His head got

wider and longer and his mouth and nose stretched out into a great

big muzzle.  His ears went up more to the top of his head and got

big and turned to face forward and got sort of triangle shaped like a

wolf's ears.  His chest got narrower and deeper.  His hands

changed just like his feet with the hands stretching out from his

wrists and his fingers and thumbs changing shape into big paws.

 He looked like he was changing into a giant hairless rat at first

but he just kept changing.  He was getting thicker and longer and heavier and

bigger and he was screaming and yelling and crying like it hurt like

hell.  I started to notice him getting darker and then I saw he

was starting to get furry.  His tail curled up more and got really

bushy and he got a longer thicker coat all along his body that was

sort of grey and black fur.  His screaming started to change more

to a sort of howling and roars of rage and he started to look less like a

rat and more like a wolf.  He was so huge though.  I've never

seen a wolf up close but I don't think they'd be as big as him.

 It was like he almost doubled in size by the time he was done

growing."I finally decided I'd better get the hell out of there

but I didn't even take two steps back before I snapped a twig on the

ground and he growled and looked over and saw me.  I yelled and

turned to run and I heard him snarl and launch himself after me.

 He knocked me down and I felt heat at the back of my neck.

 I rolled and tried to push him off of me but he tore into my

belly like he was in a rage.  It hurt like hell and I screamed

out.  That seemed to do something and he suddenly stopped

attacking and shook his head.  He growled and it almost sounded

like he was trying to say something.  He backed up and whined and

then took off into the woods.  I was pretty torn up.  The

back of my neck was bleeding bad.  I think he'd grabbed me there

with his jaws to pull me down.  There was a long tear at my belly

and there was tons of blood coming out and I saw what looked like my

guts trying to fall out of the gash.  I was pretty sure I was

gonna die.  I got up and held my hand against my belly to keep

things in and staggered back toward the camp to try to get help

but it was a long way and there was no way I could make it."Then

I started to feel funny.  My whole body started to feel like it

was on fire.  I figured I must be dying.  I fell over and

lay on my side and waited for it to end.  It got a lot worse.

 I started to feel like I was being pulled apart.  Like I was

on some sort of rack and every bone and joint in my body was being

stretched past the limit.  It felt like my blood was literally

boiling and I was on fire and I felt like I was expanding like I was in

a microwave and was gonna explode.

 The pain got worse and I started to lose my sight and hearing and

I sort of started to lose my ability to think from all of the pain.

 I have no idea

exactly how long I was like that.  I don't really have a memory of

that part other than seeing red and being in the worst pain imaginable

and being really angry at the whole world.  That's how it happens

every time.  It's like while my brain is being bent and twisted

and reshaped I can't make memories and I can't think at all and I sort

of lose control and

don't remember what happens while I change.  I started to come

back after a while and the pain was horrible, but instead of getting

worse it was getting better fast.  When I was able to think again

I

felt completely different.  I felt sort of stronger and healthier

and more alive than ever before."It was a completely dark night

but I could see really well, lots better than before.  I could

hear all sorts of sounds I wouldn't have picked up before and I could

get their exact direction.  I could smell things I never would

have before.  I caught the sent of my old self and knew somehow

that it was different than what I had become.  I could smell the

other wolf that had attacked me.  I could smell other animals and

their droppings and all sorts of things around me.  Somehow some

of those animals smelled like food.  It was like smell became as

important to me as hearing or seeing and I knew everything that was

going on around me in the pitch dark night better than I would have

known before even if it was the middle of the day.  I looked back

at myself and I was covered in fur.  I had no hands and no feet

but paws instead.  I couldn't talk but I could think clearly and

knew who I had been before.  All of my memories were there.

 I was a wolf with the memories of a boy."Needless

to say

as I sat and listened to Elias' story I started out thinking he was

having fun with me.  Then I noticed the emotion behind his voice

as he relived the events in his head

and I realized he was actually remembering something real.  I

started to try to rationalize how that could be.  Obviously he

wasn't some sort of werewolf.  That would be ridiculous.

 Something must have happened to him in those woods that

caused him to create false memories.  His brain built this fantasy

to try to cover up something worse.  Maybe he really did run into

a naked man in the woods but something entirely different happened

after that.  I felt so bad but I had no

idea what to say or do.  I'm no psychologist and I didn't know how

to approach this."You don't believe me do you?" he asked, "It's

OK if you don't.  I can prove it so you'll know it's true

eventually.  I wish you would trust me though and believe me.

 I'm not making it up.""I think you really believe it

Elias.  I do trust you and I don't think you're lying to me, but it

just can't be true.  That shit is in the movies or stories.  It's not real.  You must know that.  I think something

happened to you back then that your brain is trying to hide away to

protect you.""No, it's real.  I change all the time now.  Almost all the time that is.""Wait,

you said this happened to you one summer when you just turned fourteen.

 It's summer right now and you're fourteen so how the hell can

that be?" I asked."It

happened three years ago.  I'm

seventeen now even though I don't look like it.  Something weird

happens when I change back into a person again.  It's not like

hitting the rewind button and playing the change backwards until I'm

back the way I was.  It's more like I get re-grown inside myself

following whatever plan my body would have done from a baby to the time

that I changed, but I only grow to the exact point I was at the first

time I got bit.  That means everything that happened to my body before

was undone and any damage was fixed, and any aging that would have

happened after never really happens.  When I changed back to

myself after that first time as a wolf, the gash on my belly was gone

and the

back of my neck was fine because I sort of regrew from scratch.  I used

to have scars here and there

from wipeouts on my skateboard and stuff but they

disappeared after the first time I changed.  I never used to take

good care of my teeth and they were a bit yellow and had

fillings, but my teeth are all white and perfect now like they're

freshly grown and the fillings are gone.  They probably got left

behind in the dirt that first time I changed.  I lost my

baby toe on my left foot after an accident when I was little but now I

have it back.  I think whatever damage your body had disappears

when you change back like you were grown new.  I don't seem to be

getting any older anymore either like I said.  It's like every time I

change

back the aging that happened to me since the first time I changed is

repaired too.  I don't know why it's that way but it is.  I'm

stuck the way I am with the body of a boy who just turned fourteen."As

he spoke, I remembered how odd I'd found it that his teeth were so

perfect and white when he's homeless and doesn't even have a

toothbrush,

and how he had no scars or blemishes of any kind anywhere on his body.

 At his age he should at least have quite a few pimples but his

skin was smooth and beautifully perfect.  He had no scratches, no

warts, no corns, no hangnails, no rough patches on his toes or heels or

elbows, absolutely none of the types of things most people accumulate

naturally.  His body was almost supernaturally perfect almost as

if it had only been released from some sort of science fiction cloning

vat that morning or something.  I remembered how he seemed so

extremely well connected to his body like he'd lived with it for years,

instead of being clumsy and awkward like most fast growing boys would

be, given their brain has not had time to adjust to their changing body

yet.Could he really be telling the truth?  Was this really

something that was happening to him and not just something his brain

tricked him into believing?  I tried to think of some other explanation but I was coming up empty."It sounds crazy, doesn't it?

 Here's something that might help you believe it though.  Do

you remember a couple of weeks ago when you were riding your bike in

the river valley after dark?  I saw you and you saw me," he said.My

heart started to beat considerably faster now as I remembered the

strange encounter with the unusually large animal.  I also

remembered the story in the paper about the deer carcasses that had

been taken down by an unusually large carnivore."While

I'm changing I'm

out of control and I don't remember any of it, but after I change I'm a

wolf but I'm still me.  It's almost like I'm riding inside a real

wolf and controlling it.  The wolf knows how to be a wolf and how

to work its body and how to kill and eat and it shares all of that with

me while I sort of tell it which way to go and what to do when I want

to, and it does it.  I'm the wolf but I'm more the boy even when

I'm that shape.  It's hard to explain.  I smelled something

familiar that night

and I started to follow the trail of it.  It got stronger as I

went and it made me feel really good and happy so I kept following the

scent.  It smelled like home and love and happiness and I couldn't

stop following it as it got stronger because the closer I got to it the

better I felt.  Then you appeared on the trail in front of me and

I knew it was you I'd smelled."I love you, Jake, and that's why

the scent I was following made me feel so good.  I stayed hidden and followed you up

the trail until you got to the street.  You stopped and turned

around and you saw me there again.  I stayed still.  I didn't

want to turn away I was so glad to see you.  I had no way of

talking with you to let you know it was me, and I knew you'd freak if

you saw what I really looked like and think I was a wolf, so I stayed in

the dark.  Then you

started to move toward me and I knew I just had to get out so I turned

and ran.  Now I know your scent perfectly as a wolf and I could

track you a long way.  Every night since then I spent my time as a

wolf running

around the trails following all the places you'd ridden that day.

 I knew you must be out looking for me to be covering so much

ground every single day and it made me love you more.

 It let me know how much you missed me and wanted me back and it

made me feel like I was near you.  I loved it, but it made

me so sad at the same time because it wasn't you, it was just the

world's memory of you.  I missed you so much."That was

all

it took to convince me.  There was no way he could have known

about my run in with that creature or the fact that I'd been riding the

trails every single day looking for him.  I saw those eyes that

night.  I saw the

intelligence behind them and I felt that strange familiarity and

connection.  I saw the shape of that large creature too and it

wasn't a boy.  Even if it had been Elias the boy, I was on a bike

and riding fast and there was no way he could have kept up with me all

the way to the top of the valley trail so he wouldn't be able to tell

me exactly what had happened at both the bottom and the top.  It

was true.  It was absolutely insane and impossible but somehow it

was completely

true."Is that why you had to leave?  You were scared you'd kill me when you changed?" I asked.He

nodded and continued, "I was afraid to tell you how I was or I might

lose you.  Even if you accepted it, I was scared that I

might get so comfortable with you that I would fall asleep or something

and change while you were there with me.  While I'm changing I

can't think and I have no identity and I wouldn't know you.  I

think that's why the guy attacked

me in the first place.  He wasn't done changing and he still

wasn't himself in a wolf's body.  He was just a wolf in a hell of

a lot of pain and he was in a rage.  I'm the same way when I'm

changing.  I know it because something really bad happened once.

 I killed a homeless guy.  I didn't do it on purpose and I

don't even remember doing it.  I remember he came out of the woods

near me after I'd taken my clothes off because I knew I was about to

change.  He saw me and got a weird look on his face when he saw my

naked body.  He grinned and came at me fast and hit me hard on the

head

and knocked me down and started tearing off his own clothes to rape me

but I had already started to change.  I can't really remember what

happened next but when I finally came back into focus as a wolf I saw

his body.  He was torn to shreds and his guts were all over the

place.  I could taste his blood and guts in my mouth."Like I said I have no memory of doing it but what was

left of him was such a mess that I must have been in a complete rage.

 I don't even feel guilty about it since he was trying to rape me

anyhow.  I think I would have killed him even if he hadn't tried

to rape me though and that's what really scares me.  It's like I'm

a mindless monster somewhere between being a boy and a wolf.  The

monster is the one who feels the worst of the pain during the change

and gets mad at the whole world for it.  He would attack and kill

anything that moved around him I think.  That's why I had to leave

you Jake.  I have no control during the change and I'd probably

tear you to bits.  That guy who bit me and made me this way would

have killed me too if he'd seen me any sooner, before he started to

come back to himself.  I think the only reason I'm still alive is

because enough of his mind had come back to know not to kill me, and to feel

for me when I yelled out in pain.  His pain was probably

almost gone by then because the change was almost done.  Chances are he doesn't even remember biting

me and doesn't know what he did to me."I

was blown away by all

this.  For the last four weeks I had tried to think of any

possible reason he might have had to vanish on me for so long.

 Given

the rest of my life to think about it I never would have come up with

this

reason.  Everything fit and it seemed like it must be true but it

was still going to be hard to fully accept until I saw it with my own

eyes.  It should be pretty easy to prove."So, if you have full control when you're done changing and you're a wolf then I should be safe with you, right?" I asked.He

smiled and said, "Exactly right, that's what I meant before when

I said even if you didn't believe me I could prove it to you.

 You'd be perfectly safe.  I don't become some sort of movie

monster werewolf, just a real big normal wolf.  Even right away after I

changed for the first time three years ago I had complete control over

the wolf.  I would come across a deer or a rabbit or something out

in the forest and the wolf wanted to kill and eat but I wasn't ready

for that, so I just turned away.  It wasn't until later that I

decided I had to eat and this seemed like an easy way to get food, so I

went ahead and let the wolf take down a deer.  It was the best

meal I ever had in my life.  It was so fresh and warm and good and

there was so much and I ate for a long time and didn't have to eat for

days after, even when I changed back to a boy."I

finally settled into a pattern of eating a big kill once in a while as

the wolf and eating human food on a regular basis too when I can and it

seems to work fine.  If I eat a lot as a boy I don't need to eat as a wolf.  It means I don't have to clear the woods of

every living thing and bring a lot of attention to the wolf.  I

probably shouldn't even kill at all when I'm near the city but I would

need to eat a lot more as a boy to avoid that.  I guess now that I

have you I won't have to worry about ever killing again as the wolf if

I don't want to.  The main thing is I have complete control over

the wolf and his instincts.  We

can meet up on the trails down by the river one night after I've

changed and you can see for yourself.  I'd love for you to see me

that way, Jake.""I'd love to see it too.  We need to

arrange that as soon as possible.  I'd like to bring a camera too

if that's OK so I could take pictures and videos of you.  I bet

you've never got a really good look at yourself when you're like that,"

I suggested.His face split into a huge grin."What an

awesome idea!  I never even thought of that!  It would be so

cool to see what I look like.  Thanks, Jake!""It would be pretty awesome for me too.  So I imagine you'd be dangerous when you change back too, right?""Yeah,

as long as I'm close to the shape of the wolf with all that strength

and those teeth and in that much pain but with no mind behind it to try

to control myself, I could do a lot of damage.  The change in

either direction is dangerous and I can't remember anything that

happens during it," he agreed."So how does it work?  Is it

the old full moon thing?  That doesn't make sense because you

wouldn't have to go away for so long.  Is it any moonlight at all

that causes it?""Sort of, but not exactly.  All I know for sure is that the sun needs to be down and the moon needs to be

up.  Nothing happens when even a sliver of the sun is up over the

horizon and nothing happens when there's still no sliver of a moon

coming up over the horizon at night.  Once the sun goes below the

horizon and the moon even just begins to come up it happens, even if the sky is still really light.  I

don't know why that is.  It makes no sense to me but neither does

changing into a wolf in the first place I guess.  The fact is, even

the moonlight doesn't matter.  I've tried crawling way back a mile

into a storm sewer that opens up into the river on a really cloudy night.  I was way the

hell underground and had gone around a lot of corners and there was no

way any moonlight could possibly reach me but as soon as the moon rose

I changed anyhow."I

don't get it but that's the way it is.

 For some reason during the new moon, when the moon is rising at

the same time as the sun and setting at the same time, I'm fine and I

don't change at all.  There's three nights each month when I'm

safe and that's what happened when you met me.  It was the night

before the new moon so I was OK for that night and the next and I was

still good for one more night after that, but I had to disappear on

Monday.  When we meet up it will need to be right around the full

moon preferably.  That's when the moon comes up as the sun is

setting and goes down as it's rising.  That way I'll change while

it's still really light out and you'll be able to see me really well

but I won't change back for a long time so you'll be safe for a long

while.  I'm a wolf and in complete

control for the whole night during the full moon until the sun comes up

over the horizon in the morning and I change back.  It was full

moon when you saw

me on the trail that night.""Interesting, so you're a wolf at

different times for a different length of time through the month as the

moon shifts through its phases," I said."Yup,

the first

time I change after the new moon I'm a wolf for just a half hour or so

right after sunset because the moon sets just after the sun.  It

gets longer and longer up until the middle of the cycle at the full

moon when I'm a wolf from sunset to sunrise.  Then I'm a wolf for

less and less time on the run up to the next new moon when I change for

just a half hour or so before sunrise the last time before the new moon

keeps me from changing.  I've become a real expert on the phases

of the moon over the years.  They don't follow the months exactly

so the days don't line up the same way.

 A full cycle takes twenty nine and a half days so we won't always

have a

full weekend or anything.  It could be three days in the middle of

the week sometimes.  Today is Sunday and tomorrow night is new

moon.  I'm good

for tonight, tomorrow and Tuesday night.  I changed for a half

hour before the sun came up this morning, and then I came here as quick

as I could and snuck into bed with you.  I need to be gone by

Wednesday before sunset because I'll change for a half hour just after

the sun goes down," he said."No,

you don't really need to be gone anymore.  I know

your secret now, so you don't need to hide from me.  I love

you, Elias, and I want you to stay right here.  Obviously you can't

be here while you're changing but you're good during the day.

 Like you

said even right after the new moon you're only a wolf for a half hour

so you'd only need to be gone for a couple hours tops each night for

the first week and

you could come right back.  We could find some way to make sure

I'm never around when you change, couldn't we?  Maybe we could set

up a room here that you could lock yourself into to change.  You

can't think when you're changing so you wouldn't be able to get out.

 Once you've changed you'd be smart enough to open a lock if we

made something special that you could work as a wolf so you could let

yourself out.  Electronics is a major hobby for me and I don't

think I'd have any trouble at all designing a lock that would work," I

said."I don't

think that would be safe, Jake.  I've lived with this long enough

to know.  Shit happens and one of these days we'd fall asleep and

the change would start without either of us knowing or being ready for it.  I'd kill

you in seconds without thinking.  We can't possibly take that chance," he said.I

realized he was right.  No matter how careful we were, at some

point we'd become complacent and slip and I would be dead.  There

had to be some solution, some way to have him around but keep me

safe.  I loved him so much I couldn't live with having him with me

for only three days out of every month.  What would happen if both

of us were werewolves I wonder?"What

if you bit me, Elias?  What if I became like you?  Would we be

able to stay together all the time then?  I could still keep my

job since I only need to work during the daytime.  We'd have the

house and a source of income.  We could be just your average,

everyday, ordinary, run of the mill, neighborhood werewolf gay couple."He looked at me like I was nuts."Are

you crazy?  Why would you even ask that?  I'm not gonna make

you like me!  Besides, something else happened to me a while ago

that I don't want to tell you about just yet, but it showed me it

wouldn't be so easy.  I bit someone after I changed and they ended

up losing a lot of blood and going to the hospital and getting a lot of

stitches and a run of painful rabies shots and stuff but they never

changed.  It's like there's nothing special about me when I'm a

boy, and nothing special even when I'm a wolf.  I don't have any

magical ability or anything.  If you cut me bad right now or even

when I'm a wolf I wouldn't magically heal, I'd just bleed to death.

 It's only right when the change is happening that there's

something special about me."I

think when I bite you as a wolf you get a wolf bite and nothing more.

 If I bit you right now you'd get a boy bite and nothing more.

 I'd have to bite while I'm changing to make you change, and since

I'm out of control you'd have a massive wolf-like monster trying to

tear you to pieces.  It was a total fluke that that guy didn't

kill me.  If he'd torn out my throat or bit into my heart or hit a

major artery and all of my blood had drained out I'd just be dead and

that's that.  He caught me just at the end of his change so he

snapped out of it in time to run away before he finished me off.

 I think that's why in all these years I've never met another

werewolf that i know of.  It would be really unusual for someone

to survive the attack or we could be biting people left and right and

building up a community of our own."I don't think you'd want to

be like me anyhow and I sure wouldn't want it for you.  You have

no idea what it's like.  The pain of changing is worse than

anything you could imagine but there's more than that.  I'm not a

wolf and I'm not a person.  I flip back and forth and I can't

really fit in to either.  It's like I have no race or species and

I'm truly alone all the time.  I can never really bond with

anyone.  Wolves are just dumb animals and I have no interest in

them, but I tried to get close to some once and even they're scared of

me.  They seem to know I'm not really a wolf and they snarl and

growl and threaten to attack and then run away.  I'm too dangerous

for people so I have to stay away from

them too.  I probably should have never agreed to come home with

you, but I was so lonely and you were so nice and I knew I had three

days to pretend I was normal, so I did it."I fell in love with you and that

was a stupid mistake.  I love you, Jake, and I could be the one that

kills you.  I can't live with that.  Even if you were like me

I don't know how that works.  We'd probably try to tear each other

apart when we both start to change at the exact same time, and you're a

lot bigger than me so I'd probably be the loser in that fight.  I

tried to find that guy that changed me.  When I was the wolf I

tried to track him but he was bigger and faster and I couldn't keep up

with him and eventually lost his trail completely.  I'm not even

sure if he knows he changed me.  I wanted to have him explain it

all to me but I had to figure it out on my own instead," he said."We'll

have to give this some more thought," I said, "What you described about

not fitting in is a lot like my life has been too, but for a different

reason obviously.  I've been lonely all the time too because I

could never find anyone that I felt I wanted to be with on a permanent

basis, and everyone just bored me.  It's like I was living outside

of society even though I was wandering among them, just like you.

 Now I have you and I'm pretty sure you're all I would ever need

so even if I did change it wouldn't matter to me one bit, because I'd

still be with you and that's all that matters to me anymore.  I

love you, Elias, and I can't

be with you for only three days each month.  As long as I'm

breathing you will never need to feel alone again, and as long as I have

you I would never feel alone again either.  We just need

to figure out some way to keep me breathing even if we keep you here."At the very least,

we'll have to figure out ways to spend time with each other during the

daylight.  As long as we keep ourselves in places and situations

where we never could fall asleep we'll be in complete control.

 There must be some way I can protect myself from you if you did

start to change and attack.  Maybe some bear spray or a taser or a

heavy duty tranquilizer might work.  I could carry those just in

case.  We'll go ahead and get you that phone too so we can even

stay in touch at night when you're you, before or after you're the

wolf.  You can always come right back here after you change back

too.  You'd be safe to come back and sleep here as long as you

left before the next evening.  We can work this out somehow."It suddenly struck me how bizarre this conversation was.  Here's

a phone for you honey, don't forget to give me a call before you turn

into a wolf, and be sure and come straight back home after you change

into a boy again, you hear me?  And don't you dare start morphing

in front of me and trying to tear me apart and eat me mister, or I'll have to tase and tranq you!I'd woken up this morning with the surprise of finding the love of

my life back in my bed with me, and now I'm trying to figure out how I

can be around him without him ripping my entrails out.  Something

tells me the days of boredom are behind me.  Maybe Elias really

was what I needed in my life.  Not just because I love him but

because he'll make sure life is never boring again.  I felt so

relieved that I finally knew why he'd disappeared that it didn't even

really bother me that it was because he was a mythical creature.

 So long as it was not because he didn't want to be with me I was

perfectly fine with it.  How weird is that?  My boyfriend is

a werewolf and I'm just OK with that so long as he loves me back.I shook my head and chuckled."This

is so bizarre, Elias.  I feel so fucking happy to know why it is

you left me and that it wasn't because you didn't love me.

 Somehow the fact that you're a bloodthirsty werewolf is just a

minor obstacle to overcome so long as I get to be with you from now

on.  It seems like I should be upset or sad about all this but

somehow I only feel happy and thrilled and excited.  I think you

are exactly what I've needed to shake my life up and make it

meaningful.  I'm so glad I found you."He grinned a wide

grin and tears slipped down his cheeks as he got up from his chair and

came and straddled mine and settled into my lap and hugged me tight."I

love you so much!  I can't believe my luck," he said, "I've been so lonely

for years.  I thought I'd never have anyone to be with and now I finally have someone and he's the best

person I could have possibly found.  Thank you for understanding

all of this and not freaking out, Jake."I hugged him tighter into me."There's

nothing for me to understand.  You're you and I love you, Elias.

 I doubt you could go through what you have for the last few

years without it defining who you are.  I love who you are and

that means I have to love the other side too because it's part of what

made you the person who's in my lap and who I'm holding onto right

now," I said.The tears started for real now and he held on tightly and cried softly into my neck for a while

and I just held him quietly and rubbed his back.  I was the first

person he'd ever shared his secret with.  I was the first one he'd

unloaded his burden on and I hadn't run away from him.  It had to

be a pretty emotional thing to finally share that with someone and be

accepted and loved.  He had every right to cry, a lot.It

took a little while but he finally started to settle again and he

pulled back and smiled at me.  I kissed him and smiled right back.

 He looked really tired and spent, but happy."Did you get any sleep last night or just this morning after you got here?" I asked.He

shook his head and said, "I was so worked up thinking about coming back

to you I got no sleep at all last night.  I changed to a wolf for

a half hour and only got a few hours sleep this morning after I slid

into bed with you.""Let's go back up then, OK?  I'll help you get to sleep and then you can get caught up on your rest," I suggested.He smiled and nodded and got up off me to head up to the bedroom.I

cleared away the dishes quickly and put everything in the dishwasher

and started it up.  I went to the bathroom and then went upstairs

to the bedroom.I found Elias sprawled out naked on the bed waiting for me with a huge smile on his face."I've been looking forward to this for a month so I might not be too gentle with you," he said, smiling.He

had a raging hard-on already.  He looked a little flushed and I

could see his pulse in the big vein in his neck his heart was beating

so hard.  It made my own blood start to boil and I stripped down

as quickly as I could and climbed onto the bed with him.  He

growled and pushed me over onto my back and climbed onto me and jammed

his tongue into my mouth.  He settled down onto me and started

grinding his hard cock against me while he sucked at my tongue.

 He pulled his tongue out and started licking at my face and then

he closed his teeth gently on my lower lip and pulled at it and then

gently bit my chin and scraped his teeth along it.  It was like he

still had a bit of the wolf left in him from having changed back such a

short time ago.He moved down and sucked hard at my neck to feel

the warmth of my blood on his tongue and then he moved further down and

started nibbling at my nipples.  He tugged at them and sucked at

them and it sent jolts of electricity straight to my groin as I moaned

in pleasure.  He was in some sort of frenzy and he just kept going

from one place to the other with his mouth.  He sucked and nipped

at both nipples some more then moved to my pits and licked at them and

pulled at the hair with his lips and even bit at them, lightly rubbing

his teeth against them.  He moved all the way down and buried his

nose in my pubic hair and then snuffled down along the side of my big

balls and I swear I heard him snort or growl.  He licked at my

balls and sucked each one in and worked it with his tongue.  He

even turned his head and gently bit at the insides of my thighs a few

times like he wanted to eat me up.  He moved up again, nipping and

kissing at my cock shaft as he worked his way up to my big cock

head and he put his mouth over it and sucked it right in.  He was

able to take most of my cock in and he sucked at it greedily.One

of his hands came up under my balls and I could feel his finger probing

at my anus.  I spread my legs a little and tried to maneuver so he

could get at it better and to let him know I wanted more action there.

 He brought his head up and looked at me with a fierce grin on his

face."I want to fuck you Jake.  Get on your hands and knees and let me be your wolf and take you from behind," he growled."Fuck yeah," I said and rolled over to get in position.No

sooner was I on my hands and knees then he was plunging his face in and

started biting at my ass cheeks.  He licked all over my ass and

gently bit here and there and then his tongue pressed right onto my

asshole and started to lick at it furiously.  He worked his tongue

all over, licking my ass crack and then probing hard at my pucker and I

relaxed to let him in.  He moaned as he pushed his tongue in as

far as it would go and wiggled it around to get a good taste of me.

 His hand came up and started working my balls and I moaned at the

sensation.  He pulled his tongue out and moved his nose down to

snuffle at the base of my balls and he started licking at them from

behind while he started to finger my asshole hard to start loosening me

up more.  I'm pretty experienced getting fucked in the ass so I

was ready to go already and I think he sensed it.He spat at my

hole a few times and pushed a bit in.  He then spat on his fingers

and rubbed a bit on his cock head.  He worked his knees and lined

himself up behind me and pressed his cock against me and pushed firmly.

 His cock popped right in and it felt great.  He smoothly ran

the full length of it in and the sensation was amazing as his thick

young cock rubbed against my anus and his cock head bumped against my

prostate and ran just past it.He leaned onto me and grabbed me

around my middle and held on tight as he started to buck hard against

me like a dog.  He increased the rhythm and the length of the

stroke and he really started to lay into me.  I can't remember

ever getting fucked with so much energy and it was incredible.  My

balls were swinging hard from the force of being slammed forward

repeatedly and my cock was bouncing and leaking precum like mad.

 I could feel Elias's hot breath on my back and it almost sounded

like he was panting as he fucked me with all his might.  I started

to feel a tingling at the base of my balls and knew my orgasm was about

to hit me hard.I reached up with my right hand and started

working my cock.  It took no time at all and the sensation of his

thick cock rubbing at the myriad of nerve endings in my anus, and his

cock head whacking my prostate repeatedly combined with my own hand on

my cock, brought me to the edge and pushed me over.  My big balls

tightened up and I grunted and moaned as his cock pushed into me

and hit my prostate again and my pelvic muscle squeezed hard and I shot

a jet of cum out onto the bed.  Every time he slammed into me

another shot of cum spurted from my dick head and I was moaning in

ecstasy at the powerful rush of orgasm that was blasting through me.The

sensation of my anus clamping down hard on his cock and my own moaning

must have pushed Elias over the brink too, and he suddenly shouted

"Awwww, fuck!" and slammed into me once hard.  I felt his cock

head expand in me and he shot a massive spurt of his hot seed into my

ass.  He held it briefly than bucked hard again and shot another

jet and then he started the rhythm up again but a bit slower now as he

repeatedly shot his spunk into me until his balls were empty.  He

slowed to a stop and then pushed firmly into me and just stayed that

way for a while breathing heavily and holding me tight as his cock

leaked out the last of its load into me.He kissed the middle of my upper back and nuzzled me a bit."I

love you so much, Jake.  I've never wanted anyone so bad before.

 I wish we could just fuck like this all day every day," he

whispered.My heart swelled thinking about how much he wanted

me.  None of the other guys I'd ever been with mattered enough to

me to even think about how much they might want me.  It didn't

matter.  With Elias I wanted him so bad it meant everything to me

to know he wanted me too, and I was over the moon.  I've never felt

this happy in my life.  As if by magic, the one and only person I

might ever be able to truly love somehow found his way into my life, and

had his spent cock buried deep inside me while he told me how much he

loved and wanted me.  Life could not get better than this.He finally pulled out of me and moved off the bed and pulled up the covers and slid underneath and smiled at me.I

did the same and joined him under the covers and we held each other

quietly.  I was on my back and he snuggled up against me on his

side and put his leg and arm over me and his head on my chest.He

drifted off to sleep almost immediately and I just lay there, stroking

his back and thinking about how much I loved him and wanted him with me

for the rest of my life.I started to think about what we should

try to get done before the new moon phase ended.  We needed to get

him a phone first thing.  I remembered that the article I'd read

about the predator on the loose had mentioned that bear spray was legal

to carry in our state.  Even tasers are legal to carry though they

are not legal to use against a human unless you can prove self defense.

 Legal to carry was all I cared about since the intent was never

to use them against a human.  I should try to get my hands on

those first since they'd be easiest.  I wasn't sure if any of that

would be effective against an enraged monster but it wouldn't hurt to

have them around just in case.  On second thought, bear spray might

not be such a good idea.  It's meant to cause pain and since the

monster is attacking because it's in a blind rage brought about by pain

the spray might just make things worse.  I should look into how I

could get some sort of tranquilizer that I could inject.  Maybe a

tranquilizer gun or something.  I don't think I needed to worry

about hurting Elias at all.  Any damage would be repaired by the

change itself.  I just had to worry about him hurting me.I

started to give some thought to building a solid-walled lockable room

in the house.  He could have a place to go if we did slip and he

suddenly felt the change coming.  I could lock myself in there if

the change happened and I needed to get away from him.  It

shouldn't be too hard to make something with metal walls.  Maybe I

could simply contract someone to build a panic room in the house.

 That would probably be the best approach.  I could modify it

after to make it work best for us.  I should start placing some

calls and getting estimates right away.I got another pang in my

side from whatever the stress was doing to my innards.  Even

having Elias here with me didn't quite make it go away.  I guess I

might be stressed out for a while until we could figure out a system

that would let us stay together as much as possible and I could calm

down and feel that he was really in my life to stay.As

I lay

there listening to his deep rhythmic breathing, I marveled at how

precious he'd become to me so quickly.  Now I understood what love

was all about and I felt I could definitely get used to this feeling.

 He was so beautiful to me as a boy, but I couldn't wait to see him in

his other form.I

became hypnotized by his soft snoring combined with the wonderful

warmth of his body and the afterglow of our love making

session and I drifted off to sleep.