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BLUE edited section (some original, several parts changed), also generally shortened

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In the darkness of the tiny pantry, Shadow drew his breath and began.

"I don't know how much you know about wolves, but I'll try and fill you in."

I gave him a light squeeze of reassurance.

"There are no set territories in Furdom, but wolf territory sizes are set by the strength of the clan. A stronger clan can control, and defend, a larger territory. Many furs consider us barely evolved from feral wolves, but we are, as much as any other fur. A fur raised well becomes an asset to the entire community. One treated poorly often becomes a danger to a community. Because our kind is often feared and mistreated simply because of our species, wolves are often outcast from communities of other furs. Sometimes violently."

He shifted uneasily beneath me. His paw continued to stroke the scruff of my neck. The other paw relaxed around my waist.

Words and more words came from him. He had decided to tell me... so it seemed he was intent on sharing all of it.

"Because of this treatment.... Well... socially, wolves are left to themselves. Wolves were kept apart from the rest of fur society. They had not grown into modern cultures and values like other furs. Our traditions are still very strong in certain clans.

"Other clans strive for integration and understanding with other furs. Our children often ask why wolf children have to go to school separate from other children. They ask why lions, rhinos, tigers, bears, boars, and other seemingly violent, dangerous, and short-tempered species are allowed to go to school with other species and wolves are still left by themselves. Some are even thrown out of the schools they do try to enter."

I nodded, my chin pressing into Shadow's shoulder. I had seen that part myself.

"Unfortunately, this led to a rejection of modern society by many wolf clans. They retreated into areas separate from other furs. They continued the old traditions, even if outdated. This probably only confirmed many furs' beliefs that wolves are backward primitives. There was no space in their societies for us to learn.

"My father's clan was like that. Enforcement of every tradition was the law of my father's clan. The laws were originally inspired by feral wolves themselves, but adapted to a fur's way of life. Meaning... there were things law and tradition allowed that... even no feral would do...."

I shivered, suddenly feeling scared to know where this was going. When Shadow paused, I pulled him closer, awkward in my cramped position. I willed myself not to interrupt him. He needed to do this; I needed to listen.

"By traditional law, the clan leader - the Alpha - had complete control over anything he wished to have control over. My father was Alpha. In essence, he had control over anything and everything in the clan. If he wanted a member of his own clan to die, the wolf must immediately commit suicide. ~~ If he wanted someone else's mate, he could and would have them at any time. Nothing was beyond his reach as long as it involved the clan.

"He became Alpha shortly before I was born. His wife, my mother, was Alpha of the females. Um... it's like being an Alpha, but most special privileges only apply to females and can be overruled at any time by the Alpha. He'd already had two pups by her, and they were happily and exclusively mated at the time.

"When I was a baby, he cautiously sought contact with the outside world. The world of all the other furs. But he was hurt and humiliated. My mom said he had returned home stating that, 'If they're to treat us like feral wolves, then we will become as feral wolves.' After, he stretched wolf traditions back and decided to make us 'Natural Wolves'."

I huffed out a breath. Weren't they already as natural as wolves came?

"Our clan was already set aside from the local communities. He moved the entire clan into a wooded area and had us all live in huts. The clan was unhappy, but my father was determined. He insisted that we needed to be cleansed of the modern world and find our roots. Well, he did upgrade everyone to little houses after a few years, but that was his only concession. The clan was allowed running water, but no power.

"They were so happy they didn't have to live in the dirt any more that they willingly turned a blind eye to everything else. They didn't want anything else taken away from them. He could have had everyone living in dens and hunting with only their teeth if he had chosen to. To prevent a backlash like that, they were willing to avoid... noticing things happening that would never have been accepted by a modern society."

He sighed, breathing out tension and old memories.

"I don't even remember the huts, I was too young. He was satisfied for some years with his family, and the clan spoke of those years fondly. I began to understand his complete power as I grew older.

"He had become bored and I was a bit undersized for my age. I disappointed him when I did not develop a more aggressive personality. He started visiting other females... because he could. ~~ Our clan was pretty sizable and strong, so there were always many to choose from. No wolf said no.... Ever.

"He became tired of my mother. Because of her drug and alcohol problem, father eventually became so disgusted with her that he killed her."

I shivered and clutched at Shadow's fur. His paw at my scruff stilled and gripped the skin through the fur. He needed me for an anchor.

"The clan was very displeased and their trust was wavering. The Alpha female had been killed by her own mate. It's believed to bring very bad misfortune to do such a thing.

"Within four months, he had mated again, to a younger female. She was quickly giving him healthy, young pups. She said I had never been my father's pup. That I was damaging their mating. My presence and even my existence were... unwanted."

I didn't like where this was going. A denial of existence. I'd even felt it a few times from my dad.

"Her pups learned to treat me roughly too, and it gave my father an inspiration. He made me.... I became a...." He gulped unsteadily. "An Omega.... I was an Omega." He whispered the words

I really didn't know much about Omegas in wolf clans. In school, we had learned it was an archaic practice and had been almost unused for centuries.

"Do you know what happens to an Omega?" he shuddered out the words unevenly.

I shifted over him, still licking his ears... very slowly. "Only a little. It's only ever mentioned as something... really terrible."

He held me tight, the deep fur of my ruff was getting wet with tears. "You know..." he faltered, "you know how I said an Alpha is allowed to do anything within the clan?" At my nod, only briefly interrupting my slow licks, he continued, "Well, an O-Omega is the opposite.... The clan can do... anything... to an Omega...."

"Anything?" I breathed, realizing how far a perceived power over someone could go. Especially with the background given in his story....

"My father," he spat, "brought back a traditional role. The Omega!"

I stopped licking and stroked his fur as he cried angry tears and continued.

"A-An Omega carries the brunt of the clan's frustrations. The Omega is expected to... b-bear it." His voice faded to a ragged whisper. I was only fourteen, and even traditionally it was a duty I should never have been made to bear."

I shuddered and he was silent for a long time. He would have been... smaller than I was now. I resumed my slow, ever-so careful licking, holding his head close to my chest.

Well, I was tasting a whole lot of ear today. Somehow it calmed my own upset over his story. The bitter ear taste grounded me as I tried to contain my steadily leaking eyes. How long had they been streaming? Hadn't I resolved not to cry any more? But this was far more important than a quick resolution to myself. We both needed emotional release. If anything was worthy of more tears, this was.

He was silent, but gathered his thoughts and continued, still in a flat, dulled voice.

"I was given a shed to live in and brought food and water, but otherwise, I was... locked inside. The first few days, I think even the rest of the clan was mortified by my father's decision. No wolf came, and I was left in my little shed to worry. After that... most were willing to vent their frustrations."

I held him closer, if that was possible.

"I was abused verbally and physically. Wolves upset with their mates would scream at me instead of their own mate. I mostly got beaten, usually without any explanation. Some wolf would enter and...."

He shuddered.

"A few would- The worst part though was the- the rape." His voice began to rise out of its flat tone, but it sounded panicked, scared.

His voice sounded so young. So scared.

"I would lose days when I would forget the world and... slip away... somewhere else.

"I don't know how many times I wished anyone, even my father would save me from that place. Eventually, I began to lose track of who I was."

"Any and all treatments were allowed, so long as the Omega was not given severe or highly visible bodily harm. When I got the scar on my muzzle, someone reported it to my father. I was told that he had shrugged it off as minor damage."

I shuddered again. Had there been no reprieve or escape for his young self?

"I seemed to spend more and more time curled in a corner and... unresponsive." he choked on a sob, then recovered slowly after several minutes. "I was young enough that my body continued to recover quickly....

== == == == ==

SUMMARY: Shadow's father killed his mother. The clan was horrified. Shortly after, his father mated again to a younger wolf. Shadow's father had him fulfill the archaic duties of an Omega when he was 14. In that role, he endured physical, emotional, and sexual abuse which made him often "shut down" and go unresponsive.

== == == == ==

"One day, well... one night I kept thinking I heard someone at the door. It happened a lot. I would think I heard someone and would panic even when no one was there. I dragged myself, shaking in fear, to the door. It opened.... I think they had stopped bothering to lock it a long time ago. I had even forgotten there was anything outside that little shed. I had forgotten there was such a thing called 'escape'. I must have sat in the doorway, swinging the door back and forth, just fascinated that it opened, for an hour or more.

"Eventually, I wandered away into the woods. I wasn't even escaping... I think I was following the moon. I eventually reached the edge of a large town and wandered the outskirts for days. I ate out of trashcans and recovered from my wounds. The local furs were wary, but as long as I didn't approach them, they ignored me."

I sagged in relief, even though I had him here with me under my paws.... It had seemed, for a moment, he had been stuck in there for eternity. My licking stopped and my head rested on top of his and I shuddered in relief. His escape... was mine too.

His breath deeply drew in my scent, pulling my fur towards his nose. His voice was steadier when he continued. "Usually, any discontented members in a clan are free to leave, though they will often be killed by the traditional clans if they are found within their old territory. By the time I'd remembered my name and that I needed to get further away, I had already physically recovered. I traveled away from the city and kept wandering from town to town, city to city.

"Mentally... I was broken. Any threat, any dominance I perceived, I cowered and was lost in my fears...." He was silent again for a moment, then he continued. "In the cold months, I would trade sex for food and a warm place to sleep or head South where I wouldn't have to as often. ~~"

I stroked the scruff of his neck again. Slowly, soothingly. Somehow he had survived... all of it.

"I eventually learned through third-paw accounts and rumors that my father and his mate had been slaughtered by their own clan.

"Apparently, he and his mate's behaviors had gotten more and more violent. ~~ They had lived lavishly, at his mate's demands, but the rest of the clan spiraled into squalor. My disappearance had been a fresh reminder of what had been happening to me... and it had been the last straw. The clan managed to spare the pups from serious harm... barely."

I sighed over his skull. Maybe it was justice. Maybe it wasn't. But they had died. I wondered if the knowledge had helped him at all... or if it had simply left an open hole that could never heal.

He sounded so calm and steady when he continued. How much was he holding back? "The killing of an Alpha... it's only happened a few times in wolf history. It's especially rare in the traditional clans. Wolves are raised to follow clan order, and they never know another way. They only learn other ways from other furs.

"Furs are... were beginning to accept us in some places, but progress had been unstable. Furs in most cities were afraid of wolves and would drive any of us away. Your city, Furnonn, was often hostile towards wolves, but the local clan leader tolerated drifters as long as they didn't cause trouble. It's considered pretty forward-thinking for an Alpha to make such a concession.

"Traditional clans were becoming more and more unpopular. Wolves left for other clans, especially as new clans opened up without staying to the old ways. I was even invited into new clans by a few wolves who managed to speak with me, but... I was too terrified of things happening again to try. I never told anyone what had happened to me...."

He had lived, but there had not been anyone there for him.

"I said before there were things wolf furs do that feral wolves would never do. Terrible things. Ferals are driven by instinct. Furs have instinct, but it's... changed by intellect."

He paused. "A feral wolf would never bite its partner in an intimate act," he whispered as he touched fingertips to my shoulder.... "A feral wolf would never torture an omega feral to the point... where there is nothing but the pain and the emptiness afterwards...."

His voice returned to normal levels. "I saw an old member of my pack once in a city far from here...." I felt him try to contain his tension, but his body stiffened, even at the memory. "As soon as I saw him, I fled without thinking for three days.

"When I stopped, I was almost in Featherdom.... I've heard they even accept some wolves into their lands, but I didn't dare to try. They always seem hostile to furs, so I didn't think they'd appreciate a battered wolf in their midst.

"Sometimes, I'd get messed with or beaten up by their younger wolves. You know, showing off to their friends? But overall, I was tolerated in most places. Furnonn had been pretty safe up until the first day the Curtain fell."

I nodded, my nose pressed into his headfur. I was somehow relieved that the story had caught up to the familiar horrors. I rubbed my cheekfur over his head, striving somehow to be soothing.

"I had been camping out in the stairwell for several weeks. I'd even gotten permission from the building's owner. As long as I stayed hidden beneath the stairs during business hours and let him know if anything happened in his building at night, he would let me stay. I had been doing my best to stay completely away from any fur's notice. When I was outside I, well... the more ragged your clothes, the less furs take notice, you know? Sometimes, the owner even dropped off extra food he had brought from home.

"Eventually, though... I guess two local wolves had taken notice of me and had decided to beat up a drifter for some fun. They beat on me a little and I thought that was the end of it. But they came back later with more friends - some weren't even wolves - to chase a drifter from their lands to show off. They were younger than me, but the moment they threatened me.... Well, I ended up getting beaten up. When he pulled out his knife and started to cut me... I started to slip away again... just like I'd used to...."

Shadow shook himself slightly. I gave him a tight squeeze.

"When it was over and the world had gone silent, I lay there a long time. It was so dark I thought I'd died, or at least gone blind. I wondered if they had taken my eyes and I hadn't even noticed. My eyes were even stinging with oozing tears....

"Like I told you before, I crawled to the door to look out and saw everyone who had beaten me hours before. They were... dead and twisted. I wasn't even sure what to feel. Should I have felt saved? Guilty?

"After the second... Curtain came, when I was recovering in the stairwell, I realized I really had felt something that first time, too. I'd thought the horrible feeling was the sensation of my death. That I might even be walking in the world of the dead.... Among the dead....

"Then I saw you..." his voice suddenly brightened, and I wanted to laugh in relief. "It was like your eyes were an open sky, drawing me closer. Even more amazing to me was how you welcomed me. Somehow, all I wanted was to get closer to you. I found myself opening up to you like I hadn't in, well, years. I hadn't even thought I could connect with any furs like that ever again.

"That morning in the attic... when I had that accident... I thought that I'd lost my one connection to a living, breathing world. I felt I would and could do anything to be able to be with you. I felt I'd ruined it even when I'd not been aware."

I bent my head and nuzzled quietly into Shadow's shoulderfur, demonstrating my acceptance.

"You terrified me at first, you know? Not only did you treat me as your equal, but you treated my wounds carefully too. Traditionally, wounds given by your clan are to be left untreated. I guess I should be surprised that none of my wounds festered and killed me.... But you cared for mine, and they felt so much better. Now they're almost healed and driving me crazy with itching."

I felt him smile into my neckfur, and I kissed his shoulder.

"You even had me sleeping next to you that first night. I woke a few times to you touching me. At the time, I was terrified you'd suddenly become like most of the furs I'd known and were attacking me in my sleep. Now, I think you'd wanted to check that I was still there. In a sense, I was reassured as well when you returned to sleep without doing anything else. In the morning, I got my first good look at you while you stared at me... all I could think of was that there was a beautiful, fiery angel with blue eyes above me. You probably didn't even know the early sun was highlighting your red fur."

I shrugged. I had not.

"All I felt I wanted was your acceptance. But you gave me that; then you gave me more. More of yourself. You even gave me more of me!

"I felt horribly jealous of your friend Eric, especially when you told me you did everything together. Until yesterday, I thought that must have included, well, the intimate things too. But when I found you had never even kissed a fur, I was shocked and thrilled. It seemed... like I could introduce you to new things in a wonderful way, not in a terrifying one. Even that has helped me grow."

Hearing that I had helped his disastrous, torturous story at all had me feeling thrilled. I held him close to me and smiled into his shoulderfur.

"When the zombies woke and you started to fall apart, I knew what to do and I was able to do it. Blood and fur, Tyler! When we drove up to this house, somehow, I got out, walked up to two shuffling zombies and spilled their brains all over the ground! It's you, Tyler. I'm with you and I feel...."

"Like you could handle anything that came at you?" I held him close, "I feel the same way, you know."

"Really?"

"Yeah, never doubt it."

I was surprised Shadow had told me so much. Everything at once. His past had bothered him for a long time. There had been so much those bright, golden eyes had seen. After the emotional chaos his story had brought up in me, and even more in him, I was glad for this chance of mutual reassurance.

We were together, calmed in the dark. Not alone... so very far from being alone... as the Curtain dropped... again.