An Ideal Candidate ("Project Unobtanium" series, #1)
A fat, hairy man has the opportunity to fulfill his dreams by replacing an alien he unknowingly has destroyed. But what do those aliens look like, anyway?
An Ideal Candidate ("Project Unobtanium" series, #1)
Written by grrside Art by anonymous
Stuart Thompson devoured the last remnants of his second snack bar of the day. Well, it wasn't a regular snack bar that you could get in any vending machine on the street. It was made by the Interplanetary Space Agency (Personnel's Nutritioning Division) for the spaceship staff. Every bar contained all the nutrients any human being would need in a 24-hour period. This meant that consuming more than one a day was considered overeating, other staff members would tell him, but he didn't care. He joined the ISA because of his dream of going into space and visit alien planets, fueled by all the science fiction programming on late night TV. It's not that he expected to save a galaxy or two, but when the only job he was qualified for was to be the spaceship's janitor he couldn't participate in any of the missions into other planets, so he was just stuck performing cleaning duties of the ship day after day. He was so frustrated at this, he thought he at least deserved to enjoy three square meals every day. Besides, he was already obese before joining the crew, a few extra kilograms wouldn't be noticed anyway.
He threw the empty wrapping paper into the wheeled disposal bin. He would have to start transporting it around the rest of the ship very soon, as his lunch break was almost over. A higher ranked official was staring into the corridor window. Thompson thought he was just literally staring into space, but then a highly secured box came into view propelled by a tiny motor. Oh, he was waiting for a delivery. The official turned on a touchscreen monitor by the wall and then stared at it for few seconds without any expression in his face. He looked around, like looking for someone, but the only other person in that corridor was Thompson. He sighed, and walked towards him. "Excuse me, I just got translated here from another ship, and this ship's operating system only has a terrestrial alphanumeric interface available. Could you operate the crane and retrieve that delivery for me?", the official asked, a little ashamed. At last, an opportunity to do greater things. He was just being promoted from a janitor to deliveryman for five minutes, but Thompson felt satisfaction at the thought that he knew how to do something better than someone else for once. "No problem, I just have to press here and there..." On the other side of the window a mechanic arm reached into the black void of space. Thompson pressed a few more commands and the arm moved until it was pointing to the heavy box. The mechanic arm opened its claws and took hold of the secured box with them. "...And now I just have to press this command to retrieve the box into the storage cargo..." A laser cannon appeared at the end of the arm and blasted the box and its content into millions of tiny pieces. The official's mouth gaped open, the only thing that Thompson managed to say was: "...Oops."
***
Project Unobtanium was a top-secret, confidential operation secretly backed by the ISA. Its objective was simple: retrieve a mineral only found on the surface of a certain remote planet. The planet was habited by alien life forms, which were completely inoffensive. The inconvenient problem was the Interplanetary Treaty, which stipulated that making contact with any technologically lesser developed planet was strictly forbidden, as it could affect its proper natural evolution. Not that anyone expected those lifeforms to accomplish any sort of technological advancement though, but the law is the law. No spaceship was permitted near the atmosphere of the planet, and nobody was even allowed to give the planet a name, as that honor is only deserved to the natural inhabitants of that planet, and none of them was capable of producing anything that barely resembled a language or any coherent form of communication. So years passed and the tempting mineral remained unreachable. Some scientists, who studied it from the distance with very sophisticated telescopes, claimed it could be useful as a fuel for interstellar travel, some even claimed that it could be used for research to cure terminal diseases. Even if these claims could result to be too optimistic, one thing was clear: it was valuable. If the mineral reached anyone's hands, they would become rich instantly in the black market. And the ISA couldn't afford more budget cuts from the government.
A few months ago, a stranded spaceship, whose entire crew had successfully evacuated from, crash landed on the surface of the planet. Thanks to the ship's remote control system it could be safely launched into space, but when the ship's insides were examined, one alien life form was found playfully rolling around the corridors. The life form didn't make any attempt to resist capture and was carefully extracted from the ship restrained inside a strong container box. An extraordinary exception to the Interplanetary Treaty was made so the alien life form could be returned to its home planet, and the ISA was honoured to do this task. Of course, this was the perfect chance for the ISA to obtain the mineral, and so the Project Unobtanium was devised.
The plan was simple, as the spaceship couldn't enter the planet's atmosphere, the alien life form would be parachuted in a safe container. However, without anyone else knowing, the ISA would insert an extractor device hidden on the life form, which then would recollect the mineral, and after that it would return into the empty container, which would be remotely propelled to avoid unethical contamination on the planet.
Unfortunately, the alien was destroyed when a space-food addicted janitor from the spaceship assigned to return the life form to its planet shoot an explosive laser at it. "I thought everybody on board was required to have basic understanding of the space machinery, even the janitor!". The officer was fired shortly after.
However the janitor was of interest to the ISA, even after the life form was lost they still had a chance at obtaining the mineral...
***
Thompson was very excited. Even after messing up with the mechanic arm, his superiors had at last realized he was ready for his first mission. When they called him to report the incident at the HQ, he thought the worst, and when he arrived he was sweating all over his body. His superiors looked at him in disgust at first, but then one of them whispered something to the others. The expression on their faces changed dramatically.
They told him they were very impressed with him: his body was in perfect shape for one of the most dangerous missions they had ever going to do. His life would be at stake, but would he succeed, he would become highly recognized in the Agency. Aspiring to be something more than a janitor, he accepted the offer without thinking.
They carried him to a large room, they explained to him that they were going to take him to a very dangerous, inexplored planet with a very different atmosphere than Earth, so they would have to make some modifications to fortalize his body and help him blend with the inhabitants. He was positioned in the center of the room, surrounded by scientists initializing the machinery and looking at computer screens. He noticed all the scientists were wearing full black body suits and protective helmets with the ISA's logo on them. They told him the process would involve experimental gas that had never been tested to be safe on human beings.
"Wouldn't I need to wear one of those protective suits then?", Thompson asked. One of the scientists laughed, "Oh, you won't need one. In fact the process can't start until you are completely devoid of all clothing. So start stripping and put your garments in that basket."
He already imagined he was going to have to do that, but after looking at all the heavy machinery and the scientists in those full body suits that made them look inhuman, he was taken aback a bit.
He removed his ISA's official janitor cap first, revealing short black hair with a receding hairline. He was in his thirties, but he already started getting bald in his late twenties. He hadn't shaved in days, he would had if he had knew he was going to have all those blank helmets looking at him. He wondered if among the scientists there were any girls, but he couldn't make out any features of their bodies. They, however, were going to have a complete view of his exposed flesh.
He sighed, and started unfastening the belt of his janitor uniform. But when he did this, his rotund belly exploded outwards, and his trousers dropped to the floor, revealing very hairy thighs barely covered by tortured white briefs. His automatic reaction was to give a sharp cry and bring down his arms. He realized he would have looked very silly because he had to strip completely naked anyway, although he couldn't make out any of the faces looking at him. He just internally shrugged and stepped out of his trousers and removed his shoes and socks. He carefully placed them on the basket along with his cap. He thought the basket looked like those containers he used to transport trash into the ship's incinerator. He hoped they would take care of his belongings while he was being operated.
Snapping out of it he started unbuttoning his shirt. It was kinda a relief, because it was bursting after the little incident with the belt. He finished removing it and put it on the basket. Even though the incident with the belt didn't cause a reaction to any of the scientists, they looked very fascinated when he removed his shirt. "He's perfect", one of them said. "I never thought a human being would be so compatible". "Look at his hair pattern on the chest" another one said, "He's even got hairs on his back, like a true alpha". He blushed; nobody ever had complimented him like that. Most people were disgusted at seeing his fat hairy belly and tits. "Enough chatter. Finish stripping and place yourself on the platform." He removed his briefs, strategically placing his hands so no one could see his genitals as he did so, placed them on the basket, which was then carried away in a conveyor belt, and then climbed into the platform, hands on crotch. A glass tube elevated around him, encircling him until it reached the ceiling. An orange-coloured humid gas started spraying into his glass prison. It made his skin feel itchy all over, but it smelt good for some reason. After what felt like an eternity the gas stopped flowing. His body felt different, more lighter for some reason. He removed one hand from his crotch and felt his belly. It was as rubbery as always, but when he pinched it he didn't feel much. He wondered if the gas was some sort of anaesthetic. He wondered if the process had finished. "Still alive? Good. Then we can begin." Crap. A pair of giant mechanical hands appeared from the ceiling, hanging still. One of the scientists stood just in front his prison, removed his gloves and took out what appeared to be a black panel and put right in the middle of the air. Thompson had never witnessed technology like this. He pressed his hands into it and it stretched like rubber until it looked like he was wearing gloves. He moved his right hand upright and one of the giant mechanical hands inside Thompson's glass tube stood upright. He moved his left hand and the other giant hand moved as well. He started wiggling his fingers and the giant hands imitated him. They were like a remote extension of his hands. "Before anything, the extraction device." The giant hands opened a compartment in the ceiling and took out a black brick, the size of a small smartphone, and put it, between two giant fingers near Thompson's face. "This is the mineral extraction device. It also serves as the only means of communication you'll have with the HQ once you are on the alien surface." Thompson took it. "However, to not cause suspicion, you'll carry it on your stomach until you have landed, it's programmed to help you defecate it when you land." "Defecate?" Thompson shivered at the thought of having to push this thing out of his ass. "Can I just puke it out the way it was originally inserted?" "I'm afraid it would be physically impossible by then". Thompson wondered what he meant, and he reluctantly swallowed the device. It surprisingly fell down his throat no problem. He wondered if the gas had made his body a *little* bit more flexible. Then, one of the hands grabbed him by his sides with two fingers and lifted him from the floor, his feet in the air. Thompson felt scared. "What's this?!" he shouted. "We now have to adapt your body to the form of the alien species. Don't worry, your body looks so much like them we won't have to do much changes to it." Thompson shuddered. He should at least had researched what the aliens looked like. "First we'll get rid of unneeded mass". Unneeded mass? Were they going to do a liposuction on him? As one hand had him on the air, the other was placed below him, it made what looked like an oversized peace sign, and began pressing on his feet with the two lifted fingers. Thompson shouted. They were pressing so hard, he thought the bones on his legs would break. However, something surprising happened, his legs started receding into his body and like pushing clay into clay, his feet and legs disappeared into his belly. "Oh shit!" The hand had amputated both his legs! Well, technically they were inside him now. How was that possible? The hand holding him by his sides dropped his grip on him, and he felt on the floor, his testicles squashed between the floor and his own belly. For that instant, he was glad his sense of touch and pain was diminished. However the horror of the situation quickly came back to him. He ran his hands on his bottom. There wasn't any trace of his legs, not even a stump. It was like he had been born with nothing below his belly. It was round and smooth all over, well, if it wasn't for his hairy penis and testicles, not mentioning his round, hairy asscheeks. With the help of his arms he pushed himself back up...if you could call standing on top of your ass "up". He checked his genitals, and it looked like they hadn't been damaged on the fall. One of the hands lifted him again and dropped him on top of the palm of the other. Then the hand that lifted him up squashed his arms into his torso until the only thing that remained were hairy armpits. "Oh god I'm a freak" Then it grabbed him by the sides of his torso and the other one menacingly moved into his groin. "Shit shit shit" "As you probably have had carefully researched, the aliens genitals are internal". He was horrorized at the thought of losing his penis and testicles. The finger looked like it was a about to push it into his belly like the rest of his limbs... One of the scientists beside the scientist manipulating the hands spoke. "Sir, remember to leave some mass for the only limb the aliens-" "I know, I know, I've studied their anatomy well" replied annoyed the man whose hands were manipulating the fat body of the limbless janitor. The giant finger near his groin relented a bit, and for a second Thompson thought his manhood was saved. However the hand's thumb lifted his testicles and the index finger began squishing his shaft into his balls, and the hand rubbed its thumb and index finger until his penis and testicles rolled into a single shaft, then the hand's littlest finger was inserted into his foreskin and into the glans, and smashed it into the belly. His manhood looked like it was just a slightly thicker than usual foreskin with nothing inside. The hand grabbed hold of it but instead of pushing it into his belly like the rest of his limbs, stretched it outwards. Thompson cried in pain. The hand loosened his hold on his empty foreskin, shaft or whatever it was now and it catapulted with a sonorous slap into his belly, and then it dropped dangling and bouncing in his legless crotch. It was now longer and thinner, almost like a rope, but with nothing inside it looked more like a hose. What sort of sexual equipment is this?. "See? I told you I knew what I was doing" The scientist manipulating the hands said, elbowing the one beside him. Thompson thought he heard the one beside him sigh, but he was too terrified to think of that now. "I've changed my mind! I don't want to be a limbless, pathetic hairy stinking torso with a head!", he cried to the scientists. "Oh don't worry, we're almost done, when we are finished you won't be a limbless, pathetic hairy stinking torso...with a head." One of the hands lifted its index finger and positioned itself just above his head. "Oh no, no, no, nononono..." The finger started pushing his head into his body... "No, no, NO! NOOOOO!!!...." his cries were muffled as his mouth was pushed inside his torso, his eyes wide-eyed in terror, and then...
Darkness.
***
Stuart Thompson woke up in a shock, he was being horribly amputated until he was just a hairy disembodied torso with an useless manhood...but what happened after that? He was in a comforting white room...Wait a minute, he could see? His head wasn't gone? Was it all just a bad dream? He was in a very soft bed, the friction felt very good on his bare skin. He realized his body felt normal again, the effects of the gas gone, he didn't feel like clay any longer, and his body had recovered its sensitivity. He fretted himself on the soft bed covers. Ah, bliss. He felt like he was relaxing after doing a good day of hard exercise. Not that he used to do any exercise in his daily life though.
"Ah, I see you're awake. Please don't push yourself too hard, you have had a rough day." A beautiful young nurse said.
"At last someone recognizes my hard work. I could lay on this bed all day. I'm wasted", he thought.
"I know it's sudden, but I have to perform some checks on you, it won't take a minute, afterwards you can rest some more"
"How could I say no to this lovely girl?" he thought. He wasn't used to this kind of amability. Oh, if he knew this girl would check on him he would have taken care of his hygiene first. He hadn't shaved in no one knows how long. He felt his head all filled with stubble.
The nurse took out a pocket flashlight, the kind doctors use, and turned it on. "I want you to focus your vision in the light and follow it as I move it." Oh, THAT kind of check ups. She moved the flashlight around. His vision was still a bit blurry but he had no problem following it around. She placed the flashlight near her face. Thompson couldn't help but stare deep into her eyes. Suddenly, she couldn't hold it in any more and she had a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry it's just, I try to be professional, but you are-". And then it hit him..."The soft bed covers in his BARE skin..."? Oh crap. He was naked. And this girl saw all of it. He felt himself blushing...and sweating. Dear lord, why does he always have to start sweating at the most inconvenient situations? "Well, your vision appears to be working well.." She started laughing again looking at him all over with incredulous eyes. "Oh shit, she's staring at my dick." He attempted to cover his shame in a hurry, but his body didn't take well the sudden movement and he fell upside down on the floor. "Oh dear, this doesn't look good. I better call the doctor" "No, don't leave me alone!..." But she had already left the room. "Shit, shit, shit..." He was alone, naked, on the cold floor of the nursery, and his body didn't cooperate. He tried crawling on the floor. He couldn't feel his arms or legs...Shit, was the dream real? No, that's impossible, it must be the effect of the sedatives. Yes, that's it. He tried rolling his body, and he was now facing the ceiling. He rolled a little more and crashed into a table spilling cups of water on the floor. He saw a mirror in the corner of the room, he rolled towards it. He managed to stand upright, but he didn't dare look at it. "Please don't let it be real, don't let it be real..." He finally looked at himself. He saw his hairy fat torso staring back at him. That torso didn't have any legs or arms. But where was its head? Thompson looked at the top of the torso and didn't saw anything, just hairs from its chest, a smooth spot, and the hairs of his back. He looked back at the torso and noticed a jiggle in its male tits. He looked closer at them. Its nipples erected. He stood back. The nipples retracted. He turned sideways, still facing the mirror. The torso turned while his tits stayed looking back at him. He screamed in terror. Its navel opened wide open and its stomach growled. His armpit hair tingled when he heard it. He couldn't believe it. He was just a living torso. And somehow he could see through his nipples like a slug moves its antennae. His hairy navel was now his mouth, but when he tried to make a sound he just heard his stomach make pathetic noises.
"Here he is. Sorry, it's the first time I see one of those blobby aliens and I didn't know how to react", said the nurse, accompanied by a doctor and a guard in an ISA full body uniform and helmet. "Don't worry little fella", said the doctor like speaking to a stray puppy."The spaceship has arrived to the atmosphere of your home planet. You'll be rolling and bouncing with your kind in no time". "Shit no, I'm human. I don't way to be thrown away to a planet full of sentient bellies" his navel tried to articulate, but he had no throat or vocal cords. "Look, it's sweating and rumbling again, I think it's afraid of humans", said the nurse sympathetically. "Guard, capture it", said the doctor. The guard tried to grab Thompson, but his sweating and wriggling caused him to slip off his gloves and he landed nipples up. "For lord's sake, just grab it by its tail. It's just an useless evolutionary vestige, so he won't feel any pain.", said the doctor, annoyed. That's when Thompson realised he had a tail. It was a flabby limp rope of flesh situated south of his navel and just below his buttocks The guard grabbed the limp rope of flesh. Thompson winced. It was hurting, but is also felt kinda good, but then the guard pulled. His nipples sprung out in terror and his navel formed a big "O" shape. That limp rope of flesh had been made with his penis. And as the guard pulled even more, he realized his testicles were situated just at the spot where his "tail" connected to his body. The guard lifted Thompson up into the air by his pathetic rope of flesh, while at the same time his testicles felt like they were going to be deprived of their scrotum. Thompson was carried in this painful way out of the nursery. Anybody who looked saw what appeared to be a guard carrying out a bag of fleshy trash by a limp rope that appeared to be about to split in two any second now. They then dumped him unceremoniously into a secure container box attached to a parachute. "Have a safe trip, my hairy round fella", he heard someone say as the lid was closed. All was dark. Then he heard through his armpits a few buttons being pushed and levers being pulled and then Thompson felt himself falling into the alien planet below...His dream of exploring an alien planet was about to become true, whatever he wanted it or not.
TO BE CONTINUED