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From Ice Cream to "Topping" - Arc 2 - Chapter 6

"Water...snacks...beer and chips; yeah that all looks about right to me. But hey, Charlie, ya need to grab anything else before we take off?" Derek that afternoon after school had thoughtfully asked me in-between his musings as he went about loading up the back half of his jeep, all the while trying his best to keep me focused on the trip to Bellistall; my mind however only focused on how it seemed like I had just missed something really important to say or do while I was talking with Daniel a little over just a hour back.

In essence, I had effectively handed over to Daniel all the keys to my personal kingdoms, and time coupled too with which he could effectively utilize them, but as I imparted one more final hug and kiss before departing from him, I felt like something was amiss; like the sky had cracked but all that I had noticed was how the wind had stopped blowing.

Was I really doing the right thing by going back to Bellistall; especially without Daniel?

"Okay, looks like we're all packed up good and tight back here. Just gonna wait around here now for Domino and his buddy to show then we can head out." The bear said as he came over and leaned against the same side of his vehicle I had taken to resting on in the first place. "Hey ya know, I know we just met and all, but it's pretty bad when I can tell when a stranger is in a bad way. What's up?"

I looked downwards at the pavement for a second before I wanted to answer him, wondering if perhaps there was a more diplomatic response for me to give him right then and there; seeing as the one that hung on the tip of my tongue was just so loaded an answer he would have happily rather ran me over with his vehicle to spare me the pain of explaining.

"It's complicated..." in the end was all I could think to say to him.

"Well then I ain't gonna ask anymore. It's not my way. But ya should talk to someone about it. Whatever 'it' is, it's running so deep in your veins it's written across your face ya know." Derek said as he humbly swung himself forward and laid to rest his paws behind his head. "I'll let ya in on a secret alright; promise to tell no one though okay."

"Okay sure I'll bite; what's this bit of wisdom you'd like to share with me?" I said with a bit of a smartass tone, expecting like always to hear the same line everyone always feeds me...

"It's a cold world for a polar bear Charlie; that's nature I'm sure ya know after all. Whether it's my fate, or just genetics, I am where I came from. But if the company of just me, myself and I while sitting on an arctic continent is all there is to the truth of my people, does that mean that's all there is for me?"

Surprising me instantly then, and akin to how I can do from time to time when I need to reflect, Derek spoke openly and fluidly as he looked upwards towards the dark clouds that formed above us; his brain shaping truth's in his mind his heart struggles to accept just like I do.

"Me, I don't think that's true. I know there's a better world out there for me; a warmer world..." He spoke softly there at the end as he began to swing his key-ring around his index finger, trapped deep in a contemplation that mirrored my very own personal habit so perfectly it startled me deeply.

It felt weird, to know that I'm not the only person in the world that argues with himself about where in the universe he belongs. "So I guess I just wanted to tell ya that it's okay to not always be one-hundred percent sure all the time. Take time to think. Trust an urge you know goes against your person. The only way to move forward I think is to take risks and erase history."

As I stood there staring at him, anticipating what would come next, all I could think about was how this polar bear impressed me. At that moment, it was all my mind could come up with how to describe him appropriately. Strange as it felt to think about, he lived like I do it seemed, with thoughts and ideas burning on the rim and forefront of his mind. But as I observed him more however, I realized quickly there was this great difference between us both so obvious and vast it struck me like a bolt of random lightning on a cloudless day.

The truth was easy enough to explain, and it was simply that Derek O'telo had learned how to fake a true smile; a skill so sly and deceptive master craftsmen around the world could spend their whole lives trying to hone if they knew it were possible. He had figured out it seemed how to play the game as some would refer to it as, and damn if I didn't grow a little jealous of him and how he could just go from philosophical confidant to party bear as his rabbit friend began to approach us.

"O'telo what the heck man? I had to cut out early from my last class just to get here now. Why the rush big guy?" He said as he walked over to the bear and shook his paw in a fashion befitting that of a secret club handshake. "Ah, so is this the guy?"

I stood there embarrassed for some reason, which I couldn't really understand why at first seeing as how I had become the king lately of awkward introductions. But I guess if I had to give any meaning as to why was probably because of the conversation in the locker room I had overheard him and Derek having earlier. I mean, as far as I can tell Derek's pretty open about his sexuality, but is the rabbit too? How could I tell? Or ask...

"Yeah, it is. Domino, I'd like ya to meet Charlie Fair. And Charlie, this is Domino." Derek introduced us then as Domino reached out his paw and we shook hands briefly. "This is Grammies old assistant from years back. Ya remember hearing about him right?"

"You know, I do remember her talking about someone like him, but damn it all though there guy if you weren't the golden child status I could never measure up to for her whenever I helped." The rabbit laughed as he launched his backpack into the trunk, signaling our soon departure at the same time as he made his way for the passenger door and screamed out the familiar catchphrase "Shotgun!"

"Hey yo, wait a sec bunny, where's ya friend ya texted me you'd be bringing?" Derek stopped to ask his friend after he had simultaneously and surprisingly too made his way over to where I stood and opened up the door for me to hop in. Was he really just this true a gentleman from start to finish all the time like he seemed? I'll never quite be able to figure him all out at once I'm sure, although hopefully by the end of this trip I'll have some clue.

"Oh yeah, he should be hooking his spotted ass around the corner here in just a minute. Then we can head out my bear friend." Domino said confidently then as he pulled his phone out of jacket to check his notifications, my nosy self accidentally catching a glimpse of his background wallpaper just like I had Derek's before; this time however I regretted my choice to peek as the picture showed the same rabbit in what is known as a selfie, or a self shot image rather, depicting him sucking down deep on some other guys huge thick cock. And to think here I was wondering if he was shy like me...

"Wow" was my first impression simply put as I looked at the two of them sitting in the front seat poking each other like a happily married old couple. "These guys are something else. They're unlike any one I've ever met before that's for sure. They're so open it seems about their sexuality, it's making my head spin. Did they even go through the same emotional turmoil I did when it came to being gay? Or were they the lucky ones; supported fully by both family and friends who back them up completely along the way?"

These thoughts kept me focused as I sat in the jeeps passenger back seat fully now, nestled soundly in my own little corner of the world for the couple of hour's drive we'd be coming up on here shortly as my arms kept folded together in an inquisitive yet satisfied state. "Well I guess I'll be able to find out soon if they're as approachable as they seem. Not like I have much to do back here as we drive anyway."

I felt good to be honest, confident almost I could admit, going back home with what I hope will grow to be supportive friends like these, but as I buckled myself in and looked forward out towards adventure ahead of me, all that drive turned to nausea instantaneously as a familiar spotted face mired me again for a second time today.

"Hey look there he is guys. Don't worry Charlie, he's a pretty cool guy..." Domino said with a bit of an amorous affliction I noticed as he stuck his head out the window and signaled someone forward to the vehicle; to which I began to pray immediately that he was referring to the ugly old cougar off in the distance that hid behind the snow leopard I knew all to well.

Unfortunately, as was a common theme of fortune for me, it was indeed Ty who ended up approaching the vehicle. As my popular knee-jerk reaction kicked in to just reach my paw for the door handle to escape and not have to deal with the situation, I instead bit my muzzle and took a deep breath for a second, thinking about how just earlier Ty had, it seemed, made an effort to rebuild our bridge I had only imaginatively fortified myself in the beginning of our relationship with a multitude of lies and a couple paperclips.

As the driver passenger side door swung open and he hopped in, I expected him to at the least recognize who he was sitting next to right away and gasp or hiss out of surprise, but instead I was met with a curiosity as he sat down quickly and politely, apologized to Derek and Domino for running late, then finally looked at me, for only a second, and instantly opened up with the sentence "Hey there guy. Name's Ty. Ty Jones. You catching this taxi back to Bellistall too?"

I didn't know what to say. What the hell was going on? As I stared at him confused, I looked for some answer, some sign in his face of what he was trying to accomplish. For awhile, I refused to reintroduce myself to someone I already knew and had spoken to earlier in fact, but I caught a break from the mystery eventually as he handed me a note quickly from his bag with the scribbled out words "Shhh play along Charlie please I'll explain later."

"Well hello there... Ty. I'm...uh... Charlie Fair. Pleased to meet you." And with that sentence concluding the vehicle fired up finally, marking the start of our several hour drive to Bellistall; myself caught between a rabbit who I barely know, a bear I want to figure out more about, and a snow leopard who for some unexplainable reason is tethered to my fate.

As the ride started out, I indulged in the snow leopards fantasy, a make believe as false and on par with that of the famous childhood fables of the Saber tooth fairy or Santa Sheep. It ended soon enough however as we drove further onwards and out on to the more distant part of a familiar highway. Domino had knocked out in his seat thankfully right away so one obstacle was down. A few minutes after was when Derek had turned his attentive gaze away from the road for only a second to ask if he could turn up his radio because it calmed him as he drives, which left me and Ty with privacy to finally be able to catch up with each other for real as we passed his laptop back and forth between us so we could converse.

"K 'Mr. Jones' I'm all ears. What's going on?" I asked him first and foremost, my right to go predicated on the fact I had just perjured myself to people I had barely just met for him.

"Charlie, I'm sorry. Had I known I wouldn't have come." Not a bad start I had initially thought, but I wanted more as he tried handing me back the computer to which I just pushed it right back to him.

"K fine. Domino & me are kind of dating. We've been for a month or two now." After reading this was only then that instantly I smacked my head hard as I recognized who's barbed penis I had in fact seen shoved into the rabbit's maw not too long ago on his phone. "I was gonna tell u about him but when we'd finally get 2 talk like I told u I wanted 2 earlier."

I really didn't know what to say back to him as he looked at me sadly then and impishly attempted again to hand me the device, which at first I grabbed for, but instead turned myself away from and looked out the window at the passing highway surroundings instead.

What came back minutes later was a bit more detailed at least, I'll give Ty that much...

"Dammit Charlie, I'm sorry! Please know that. I'm a loser like I said. And for everything ever I said and did that pushed you away, I'll hate myself for it forever. But please I'm trying to be a better man. I wanna be. You make me wanna be. It's weird and hard for me to admit, especially like this, but you're my idol man. I mean look at you. Look how far you've come. And look how far I fell. Let's be honest, I lost my job at the hospital as security cause after we met and I broke up with my ex, I kinda spiraled there for awhile. Basically, lots of drinking was involved; a lot. But I've bounced back since and decided hey maybe school could do some good for me. Then I met Domino, and I felt like such a failure from before I faked my name because I didn't want him to be able to look up the real me online or something. Is that so terrible? Probably. But even now as you look away from me, I notice something changing in me, and hit me if I'm in the wrong, but I just want us to be friends Charlie. Otherwise, and for reasons I can't explain right now, my life seems really empty without you."

As I read it all, my heart shrank a little seeing as how it felt like it fell down into the pit of my stomach right afterwards. Here sat Ty, this snow leopard who at first lead me into temptation in an elevator, who now has seemed to be able to rise above it all and for whatever invalidated reason had became a good guy in my story.

Unfortunately for him however he was asking for something of me he'll never get because I'll never see him that way again; companionship.

I mean, how could I trust Ty? Given all the lies, and the subterfuge... everything about our friendship, and I use the term loosely, has always been built on flimsy pretenses and fake hellos. I think deep down he realizes that too now though, and maybe that's the reason why he feels like were compatible in his skewed view of the world somehow.

"Is it because we're the same..." I thought solemnly to myself.

Unfortunately, and only after I had mentally just berated Ty, was when I sadly realized something that shook me to the core of my character; a true fact in my life I couldn't ignore anymore. Daniel... doesn't trust me anymore. Just like with how Ty hid his indiscretions from his ex that lead to their break-up, that's why I think he's been avoiding me, because he doesn't feel like he can tell me the truth anymore; or possibly he thinks I don't tell him the same. I felt the sting of this revelation, this subtle disease growing darkly and densely over my heart as I choked back tears I wanted no one to see.

"Do I even deserve to go back home to him anymore?" I argued the thought for a minute with myself before I finally looked away from the window and down at my paws, them trembling with frustration at just how I only now realized what I should have said to Daniel when I left. "I need you..."

"Charlie, are you okay?" Ty questioned aloud now as I looked at him angrily, then down at his laptop next. I needed an outlet dammit, and if Ty was all I had I guess I had to give in to that inevitability...

"Ty, I don't hate you. Why should I? The truth is I hate myself. How can I be anyone's idol? I hate how almost every minute of every day since I met my boyfriend I haven't ever been the same. I feel like I'm lost. And I can say I blame you every now and again for lingering doubts, but really I just ... really... I..." The words were right there, burning at the tips of my fingers as I typed what I wanted to say, but with a heavy sigh then followed by an irregular chuckle, my mind went blank instead as I pushed the laptop down towards my feet and I rested my head in Ty's lap.

"Charlie what the..." Was all he could say before I latched on to his shirt, tugging softly at it as my paws incased themselves into tightened fists; and with each pull, I felt my tears finally push out on to my cheeks and his chest. "What?"

The truth was, I wanted to go back home, and I don't mean to just turn around and head back to Ardordon, but to Bellistall, because even as I breathlessly forgave Ty then by crying into his person, I knew deep down that the memories of my life, the ones that keep me tied down and helpless, are the same things I need to overcome to be who Daniel needs me to be. Like Ty had just said... a better me.

I've spent months now questioning, wondering if Daniel does enough for me, but the real question to ask is do I do enough for him. I need to get stronger, but without him this time. So in that way, when I come back home to him, he'll know that where I'm coming from when I talk to him comes from a realm of honesty with no second agenda in mind.

How do I get to this place you might wonder? By confronting what eats away at my mind constantly one thing at a time, starting with the biggest problem of them all for me. And even though Daniel himself is a large part of the equation, to handle him I'll need the renewed resolve I'm now about to build by going back not only to my birthplace, but back to the very house were I spent my younger years being abused by a family that by now has probably since forgotten about me.

"Ty, I forgive you. Just promise me that when the time comes, and it will, I can lean on you in my darkest hour..." It almost came across as a whispered plea as I spoke into his crotch, though what I had hoped the sentence would touch would be his heart.

The sun's setting across the horizon, and I'm now just a couple miles outside of Bellistall. I have a lot of work to do here; I just hope I can come out of this with a new sense of pride I've never known before.

Let's see what happens next...