Completed
A minor revision of the previously posted story, this time with corrected German from my German sister and a few typos fixed. The essense is still the same, however. Enjoy.
The cab stopped on the corner. He saw Bergenstrasse on the street sign above and gave the cabby thirty Euros for the trip.
"Danke," the driver said and drove off as the door closed.
He could hear the music coming from the club before he actually saw the building. The ground under his feet seemed to shake with every beat and he knew it was going to be a loud night. Still, a loud night was what he needed to drown out all the nips of protest chewing at his conscience.
As he drew closer to the building, he wondered why she had chosen a dance club to meet at. Years ago, when he'd last seen her, she'd expressed her disinterest in such places. But that was so long ago and he was certain things had changed.
Inside, the music wasn't as loud as he thought it would be, though the floor seemed alive with every bass hit. The lights on the dance floor were little more than dim, when they weren't flashing, and the scents off all those gathered hung in the air, coating the insides of his nostrils with every breath. Everyone was jumping to the techno - 200 BPM he estimated, much like his heart the further he walked.
He found himself an unoccupied booth at the back of the room where the music was more subdued. The seat vibrated beneath him but at least he'd be able to carry on a conversation in a nearly normal voice - because a conversation was all he was here for.
A vixen approached the table and tossed out a coaster. "Was kann ich bringen?
"Rum and Coke," he answered.
She nodded, sizing up his accent, and he watched her tail swing as she walked away. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. I'm only here to talk, he lied to himself. Just talk and leave.
A clunk on the table caused him to jump and he opened his eyes to only see his drink and the vixen coyly leaning towards him. He had no doubts that she knew how open her shirt was and what it was barely concealing.
"Alles in Ordnung?"
"Yeah," he said shakily. Her voice sent a tingle up his spine - why did harsh accents turn him on? He could talk to his fellow Americans all day long...nothing. As soon as he talked to someone with a harsh accent, say from Russia or, especially, Germany, he would find himself immediately endeared to them. He was certain something in his brain was wired wrong.
The vixen smiled slyly at him. "Ich werde später zurückkommen," she promised, making sure he understood what she said, and winked.
He shuddered inwardly and wondered for the hundredth time what he was doing here. Sure, his publisher had sent him to Europe for a book signing, and he was grateful for the semi-vacation, but they'd added a stopover in Frankfurt at the last minute and he knew it would be the end of him.
With his drink half gone he sat and waited for the liquor to begin having its effect. Any other time, he would have only asked for the Coke. Tonight, though, would require something more. It was times like this he was glad he had little tolerance for alcohol as it would keep the bill low. The problem was that alcohol would also do little to keep his inhibitions in check.
So, then, for what reason exactly was he drinking?
He drained his glass and a pretty squirrel walked by to replace it with a fresh drink, much to the dissatisfaction of the vixen from earlier. He quickly finished it and started on his third.
His head buzzing, he began to question if she would show up. He'd only sent her an e-mail two days before, to an address he wasn't even sure was in use anymore. He'd received a reply of simply "yes" and an address but it could have come from anyone. Maybe someone else was using the account and had tricked him into coming here. Maybe someone else would be coming here looking for him. Maybe no one would be coming at all.
He grew more anxious at the thought of someone else finding him and then the rational part of his mind surfaced. Even if someone were to come here, there was no way they could tell from the e-mail what he looked like or who he was.
He remembered it was reasons like this he'd decided not to drink.
He drained his glass and ordered another.
Would she even recognize him if she arrived? It had been sixteen years. His legs were as strong as they'd always been. His arms may have grown a little larger but so had his stomach. The thinning of the hair came with the territory of his thirty-plus years as well. As he scanned the room, though, he saw he was the only bear. Plenty of foxes and rabbits, and even a few hedgehogs and a bat. He had little doubt he'd be found...if she showed up.
"My beloved do you know...," sang the next song and he winced. He knew the lyrics to this particular track and they'd affected him deeply since he'd first heard it. Damn it all if it wasn't especially apt for this moment.
A pair of hands closed over his eyes from behind and for a moment his heart ceased to beat and the music became a far away, muffled sound.
"Guess who?" she whispered into his ear and he could feel himself begin to drown in a sea of emotions that he'd dammed up a long time ago. It was only when he felt her take a seat across from him he realized he'd shut his eyes, trying to convince himself this was simply a dream.
His Maus smiled at him and he weakly returned the gesture. It had been a long time but the natural red of her hair still remained. Her strong features had changed little except for age and her eyes were as bright and alert as ever. Her figure had only accentuated over the past years and he felt arousal begin creeping into his body.
He willed his mouth to speak because that what he was here for - conversation. Only.
No sound emerged.
The vixen from earlier came up to the table, clearly non-plussed that her male customer now had a female companion. Maus ordered her drink, obviously pleased that the barmaid was bothered by the new situation, and he requested only water for this round.
The alcohol had gone too far already and he wasn't sure if he be able to bring himself back. It was a fine line he was walking and either too much sobriety or not enough would ruin him.
"How have you been, Bear?" she asked when they were alone again.
The accent, her accent, drove straight through to his heart. "I wasn't sure you'd show up," he confessed.
"Well, I'm here, but that's not how you've been."
"I don't know," he answered honestly.
"You've gotten married," she said, pointing to the ring on his finger.
"Yes," he admitted as he looked into her eyes.
"Happily?"
"Sometimes."
"Children?" she asked a little briskly.
"No," he replied just as quickly. This was not something he wanted to discuss at the moment. Years ago he and Maus had made plans to have
children, three of them, but that never came to fruition. Instead, all they'd ever had was one beautiful July. Four weeks to make plans for what they were going to do, where they were going to live. After that...nothing.
"How have you been?" she asked carrying on the conversation.
"Better."
She gave a slight frown. "I don't remember you speaking so few words."
"I...," he paused, realizing he'd just did it again. "I'm just a bit jetlagged is all."
"Perhaps I should let you go back to your hotel and sleep?" Sincerity wasn't in her voice nor did she attempt to leave. "Why did you ask meet me?"
"I don't know," he lied.
"Is there...."
"I still love you," he blurted.
She looked at him skeptically. "What?"
"I still love you. I've never stopped loving you."
Her eyes narrows briefly, in the manner that he remembered from so long ago.
"You remember, ich liebe immer dich."
Now it was her turn to be at a loss for words.
She finished her drink and the vixen came walking seductively back to the table, trying to impress Bear. The look that passed between she and Maus made him feel uncomfortable. Something was happening but he didn't know what.
"Why did you come?" he asked Maus when they were alone again.
"Because you asked," she said flatly, still staring at the vixen across the room.
"But why did you come?"
Her eyes softened as she turned her attention back to him. "To see if you would show up."
"You had any doubts?" Words were coming easier, now that he'd told her what he'd been needing to.
"Didn't you?"
"I wasn't sure that you would want to see me again."
"Why? Because you're married?" Maus had never been one to dance around the issue.
"You didn't know."
She laughed. "I know what I need to know."
"I was certain that you would have found someone else and forgotten about me by now."
"I found others, yes. They didn't stay, though."
"Why?"
"Tell me, why did you get married?"
He shifted in his seat. "I was lonely."
"And why aren't you happily married?"
"She's not you."
She peered into his eyes and he could feel her anger. "I waited for you."
"I didn't know."
She swore quickly and he was glad his vocabulary didn't extend that far. "I opened up to you. I never did that with anyone before. You changed me and you left me."
"I didn't have a choice."
"You did!"
A few curious eyes glanced their way.
"What was I supposed to do?" he asked. "I was sixteen and still lived at home. I was still in school."
"I was going to come to America and you turned me away."
He gritted his teeth as he remembered the moment he had been told by his parents that she was not allowed to come visit. He had never been told the reason why and it had forever driven a rift within the family.
"I never wanted anything but to be with you," he spoke honestly.
"And here you are now?" Sarcasm laced her words. "Because you're not happy at home you come to me."
"That's not why I'm here," he tried to defend himself.
"Then why did you ask to meet me? You simply want that fuck we talked about back then?"
His head swam and his thoughts jammed at her accusation.
"I've got to go," he said quietly. "I'm sorry. For everything."
He couldn't bring himself to look at her as he got up and walked to the bar. The vixen said something to him as he laid out forty Euros but he didn't pay any attention.
Music became muffled as the door shut behind him. The air outside carried the twinge of the coming winter weather but he was grateful for the crispness; it helped to clear his mind.
The disaster of the past half-hour played through his mind and he realized there was little he could have done to change it. There were too many years with too little left unsaid and unasked. He shouldn't have come here and expected to...what? All he came here for conversation, right? Converse was all they did, no?
He felt hollow inside.
The city was still busy, even at this time of night. His hotel was a fair distance away but he needed some alone time to gather his thoughts, reassess his feelings. He wrapped his coat around himself and headed north.
He paused on a bridge and looked longingly at the water below. As passerby might have thought he was considering jumping but, in truth, he was watching the chaotic patterns as the water swirled around the rocks - it matched his current state of mind. A feeling of peace finally began to return and he started to walk off.
A small car pulled slightly ahead of him and stopped. The passenger door opened and he looked inside. "Get in," Maus said.
He climbed in and the car took off. It was smaller than he thought and he held his forearms to keep from crowding her. Nevertheless, as she shifted, she bumped into him. Her scent was also much heavier and he could smell it under the light perfume she was wearing. CDs were scattered around and he attempted to catch a couple as she made a turn and they slid off the dashboard.
The silence was broken in the car when he realized they weren't heading back to his hotel. "Where are we going?" he asked.
She looked at him from the corner of her eye but said nothing.
He noticed that she seemed to have relaxed a little bit and he tried to do the same without getting in her way.
The drive was somehow familiar to him. He watched as the scenery passed him on the right and the high powered sports cars flew by them on the left. At one point, she turned on the radio and flipped through the channels only to turn it off again.
They soon entered a small town, one of thousands on the German landscape, and he just caught it's name on a sign as they passed. Immediately his heart began to pound harder and a feeling of anxiety began to flow through him.
She made a few turns and then a left and she slowed down as they drove by the house that he remember from all those years ago, the one he had walked to just to be with her. She, too, seemed to recall the memories and appeared to soften a little.
They parked at the end of the street and they climbed out of the car. He slowly stretched his aching knees while she grabbed something from the trunk. He closed his door and saw that she was holding onto two blankets.
"Come on," she told him and took his hand. His apprehensiveness melted away in her embrace and he willingly went with her.
They walked a path which had been worn through the grass and came to a statue he recognized from sixteen years previous; it stayed tucked away amongst the trees at the top of a hill. Bear could see out over the countryside and marveled at it's beauty in the moonlight. He looked up and saw more stars than any he'd ever seen in America.
Maus pulled him over to a stand of trees away from the path and spread a blanket on the ground. She motioned for him to sit down and she snuggled in beside him, draping the other blanket around them.
"Ich hasse dich," she said quietly after a while.
"Why?"
"Because you made me love you."
He reached up and stroked the side of her face. "I'm sorry." He could feel wetness around her eye.
"I still do."
"You don't need to."
She pulled away from him. "You don't tell me how to feel," she said coarsely. "I never exposed myself to anyone like I did to you. That day I took you to the pool, I was proud to kiss you like I'd never kissed anyone before."
Bear had forgotten about that moment until she'd said something. It was his first experience at topless optional pool and, though Maus had worn her complete suit, Bear had scarcely noticed the other females other than to note Germans were more open than Americans. She'd dragged him into the pool, while he would have been content to lie in the sun with her, and there they'd taught each other how to kiss.
"I remember," he said.
"I told everyone at school about you, even after you left. You were my American."
"I still am."
She tugged lightly at the ring on his finger. "You're not anymore, though."
He sighed. "I was weak."
She dug her head into his shoulder and sniffed. He knew crying, no matter how quiet.
"I've always only ever truly loved you," he said. "I got married because I was lonely but I can't tell her what I feel or what I think. I can't be completely open with her. I always feel like I'm being judged."
"Why don't you leave her?"
"I've thought about it. Many times. I just can't bring myself to do it. As unhappy as I am at times, I don't want to be alone again."
"You could stay with me," she answered quickly.
Bear kissed the top of her head. "Is that what you'd want?" She nodded silently and he pulled her closer. "You don't know me anymore."
"And you don't know me. But we love each other anyway."
He nodded to himself and they sat quietly watching the hillside.
He woke to Maus straddled on top of him.
"Wha...?" he managed to say before she placed a hand over his mouth. He laid back and was quiet.
The dead of night had been reached; even the moon had decided to go to bed. The sounds of the night creatures had become quiet as they'd eventually fallen asleep. The only thing he heard was the rustle as she removed both his and her clothing between the blankets.
She leaned over to kiss him, her hair tickling his face and chest. Full lips he remembered pressed against his and her tongue glided over his. He wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her tight, something he'd been wanting to do again for too many years. Her weight felt right on him and he lost himself to the world of her mouth.
Maus whimpered and made a slight movement with her hips. He released his hold on her and she began to slowly press against his crotch with hers without breaking her mouth from his. He needed little prodding to become aroused and give her what she was waiting for. She gasped slightly a when the end of his member pressed against her clitoris; a shudder passed through her as she continued to massage him between her legs.
She pushed herself onto her hands and slid herself forward enough so he could enter her. The silky warmness pulled at him as she slowly teased him inside. There was no barrier for him to break through, a promise they'd made to each other years ago, but he'd known neither of them would have been able to keep it without each other.
Her muscles tightened around him when he was fully in and the dreams he'd had since he'd first met her were finally realized. Slowly she swiveled her hips and began to grind against him. A wave of ecstasy flowed through him and he caressed her back to her sides until he reached her waist. She felt as if she had been made for him and he pressed down to rub harder against her. She gave a series of quick gasps and changed her motions so that he might reach deeper into her.
He slid his hands away, running them across her belly. The softness of her short fur made his hands tingle. He spread his fingers wide and slowly ran them up her body. He stopped at the bottom of her breasts and carefully cupped one in each hand. He gently ran his fingertips over her nipples and she gasped again, falling towards him.
Bear pulled his head up and began to slowly suckle her. His tongue glided and teased as he slowly kissed his way from one breast to the other. Using his free hand, he slowly slid it down the small of her back, making her tremble, and lightly ran his fingers around the base of her tail. She made a whimper as he clasped her buttock and pushed himself deeper inside.
He shuddered again as she fell into a rhythm that benefited them both. Altering her movement, he was no longer simply sliding in and out but also rubbing against the front of her. He could feel her pulse through his erection while his tip ran against the ripples deep inside her.
Maus' breathing turned into panting. She moved slower and pressed harder against him and he felt her insides clench around his penis as she moaned and twitched on top on him. Her movements we sporadic as her orgasm made its way through her. Bear felt her juices flow out of her and around his testicles, covering him in her scent.
She gently pulled herself up the length of his shaft and slid him back in, gasping each time he plunged into her. Her wetness and intensity were becoming too much to bear.
"Maus, I'm...."
She placed her mouth over his again and began thrusting against him harder. These movements were meant for him, not her. Her tongued danced again over his, passion telling him what she wanted. He moved so her clit ran against his stiffness and began pressing further. His intensity picked up as he felt himself begin to swell and the familiar tickle crept it's way through his shaft.
He twitched as he felt his cum begin squirting into her. She gave him no pause, though, as she continued thrusting him inside; every push sending his seed in further and coating her insides. He huffed as every spasm sent more of himself to her.
She refused to let up and he quickly realized she had worked herself to another orgasm. Her body convulsed around his spent member and she collapsed on him. He ran his nose through her hair and lightly rubbed her back. Her breathing eventually came slower and soon she was asleep on his chest.
It didn't take him long to follow suit.
The sun was beginning to stir in the east as the black gave away to violet. Bear woke to Maus leaning over him, crying.
"Was ist los?" he asked in the scant German he remembered.
"Nichts," she answered as she turned away and began putting on her clothes.
"Is it because of what happened? I mean, I thought...."
She shook her head and pulled herself from between the blankets.
Bear hastily scrambled to get into his clothes and twice had to try to get his legs in the correct holes of his pants. Maus grabbed the top blanket and began folding while he tied his shoes. He helped her shake the other blanket off, seeing the remnants of their love making, and fold it as well.
"Maus," he tried again, taking her hand.
She looked at him with watery eyes, tear marks showing down the sides of her nose. She pulled his hand up, kissed it, released it.
His mind was a jumbled mess from what he recalled earlier in the night and how she was now acting. Still, he followed her to the car without asking any further questions.
The hatchback grumbled to life and Maus adjusted her hair in the rearview mirror. She shifted the car into gear and they set off for the city. Bear was glad to see she'd at least stopped crying but he still was no closer to understanding.
"You'll be leaving soon," she said, as if reading his mind.
"I can stay with you."
She shook her head.
"I want to stay with you," he protested.
"You're not mine!" she yelled back at him.
"I can get a divorce! I'll leave her just as soon as I get back!"
"Just like you'll leave me when you find someone else?"
Her question struck him hard. "I would never leave you for someone else."
"But you did! You already did!"
Bear clenched his teeth and said nothing. At no other time in his life did he hate his parents like he did now. They thought it was simple teenage hormones running free, causing him to feel attraction to someone. It would have been easy to dismiss all of this if that were the case but sixteen years of still loving someone who he hadn't seen or even exchanged more than a dozen words with was not simply hormones.
The landscape began to lighten and he wished he could have back their special time a few hours ago. The tension now was uncomfortable making him feel utterly miserable in the tiny car. He clenched his fist, hating himself for never letting go, hating himself for knowing he couldn't have even had he wanted to.
The city was beginning to buzz again with life. It was early enough that morning traffic was rolling but not yet in rush hour. She pulled up to the hotel to drop him off; they had said nothing to each other in the past hour other than to say where he was staying. He extracted himself from the car, noticing that she wasn't also getting out, and found her crying again when he walked to her side of the car.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, bending down to be on level with her.
"Don't be. Last night's what I wanted." She cried harder as he reached in and caressed her cheek. "I love you," she sniffed.
"I love you, too, Maus."
"My beautiful American." She smiled through her tears and kissed his palm. She rubbed her face against his fur once more and slowly drove off.
Bear watched as she merged with traffic and was gone. He wanted to throw up.
"Haben Sie ein Problem?" the doorman asked as Bear entered the hotel.
"Nein," he replied quietly and walked sullenly to the elevators. He climbed into one of the cars and he was grateful for the time alone when the doors closed. His calm was broken when a young couple climbed aboard two floors up, hanging on each other; Bear resented them.
He made his way to his room and collapsed on the bed. Despite the sleep he'd had together with Maus, the previous night's activity had prevented him from getting a good deep sleep. At least that's what he tried to blame it on and not the fact he felt part of him had gone missing.
"Oh, shit," he grumbled when he woke up and saw the time. The sun was starting to set and he had a book signing to be at in less than an hour. He quickly stripped off his clothes and the smell of sex and Maus filled his nose. He jumped in the shower and turned the water as hot as he could stand.
He was in a cab less than twenty minutes later. He somehow instructed the Turkish tiger driving the car where he wanted to go. The tiger spoke little English and an equivalent smattering of German. Bear gave up trying to figure out what was being said and let the driver ramble on once they were on their way.
Turning inward, Bear reflected on what had happened with Maus with a clear head. He didn't regret what had taken place but if she became pregnant.... That prospect didn't bother him, though. He had made up his mind in the shower that he was going to file for divorce when he got home. His wife could have the house, the cars. She could take half of the money he'd made from his books, though she didn't deserve one cent of it. He didn't care anymore. If he couldn't have Maus then he didn't want anyone, even if it meant being alone.
He sat back in the seat and closed his eyes. Things had finally fallen into place for him and he felt happy for the first time in years. He replayed the memory of their love making in his mind and felt himself begin to drift away.
His eyes snapped open at the screeching of tires and wailing air horn. He had just enough time to look out the side window and see the headlights of the bus before it came crashing through his door.