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The end of the year was drawing closed. Finals panic was sweeping all across campus. I had certainly gotten swept up in it. Both James and I had taken a larger than normal workload this semester, and it was coming back to bite us.

Our game consoles were gathering dust, and all our game books were untouched on our shelves. The library had become our second home. So nothing new for either of us around this time of the year. What was new was that we were studying together.

None of our classes were the same, but when two furs with a ravenous appetite for any new factoid or bit of information get together, there's a good chance one of them might know the answer anyway. We could also do the normal study partner things, quizzing eachother and all that jazz. But more than anything, studying together kept us focused.

It was surprising actually, considering as of late we had been a lot more touchy-feely. Sure, we'd sometimes steal a kiss or a hug, but honestly, we motivated eachother. James' competitiveness bled through, and as long as I kept beavering away, he'd never want to stop first. And if I ever needed a fast reference, James knew just as well as my textbook, and could explain it in much fewer words.

We both jumped in our seats as a loud bing preceded an announcement. "The library will be closing in fifteen minutes. Please finish your work and leave," said the nasally voice of one of our ancient librarians.

"You feeling okay?" I asked. "Think you're going to do well."

"I think that," said James. "But that doesn't mean a thing. Sometimes, if I feel confident, that's a good indicator I'm going in cocky."

"You can go in cocky on me any day," I teased . This earned a punch from James. "You'll do fine. You're one of the smartest guys I know. You're not going to fail. I bet even if you skipped the final you'd scrape a low B."

"But a low B isn't a good grade," frowned James. "I have standards, you know."

"I know that, but there's so much data associating stress with low performance. Don't beat yourself up before the fight even starts." I got up and hugged him from behind. I pressed his body and chair into my chest. "You're not going to fail. You're going to succeed. Just don't overthink everything." I kissed him from around his shoulder.

James' whole body relaxed. "Thanks hun."

"C'mon, let's get some sleep. Allnighters are never a good idea." We gathered our things and returned to our dorm. I found myself as the little spoon again, and I took his hands in mine and pressed them into my chest. James kissed me on the cheek and pressed his face into my fur. "Goodnight, my sweet wolf."

"G'night my cuddly bear."

In one week, we had all ran the gauntlet. Some came out on top, other battered the storm, and some barely made it out at all. I always thought of tests like a war: long stretches of intense boredom and routine punctuated by moments of blood curdling terror.

One of the things that drew both James and I to ARU was the post finals weeks. These weeks were known as many things, but I called them "Watch the Prof fan-girl" weeks. Two weeks that allowed the professors to teach whatever the hell they liked, although some obvious guidelines applied. You could leave early even, as the classes were not mandatory nor graded, but they were always so much FUN! Most times the professors spent all year planning their lectures or labs, and there was a running list of topics that was publicly posted for the casual dabbler.

James and I didn't attend the same lectures. Part of it was that we didn't want to distract each other. But more importantly, we could cover twice the amount of ground if we split up, and we'd have twelve glorious days to gather as many weird and irrelevant factoids as we could. We still had time for more fun stuff, games and all that, after dinner. One last hurrah with our college friends before leaving for three months.

Despite all that, we found ourselves alone more often than not. Certainly there were fun things to do, and we did them, often together. But these final weeks were also notorious party weeks. There wasn't anything wrong with that, but those kinds of things were certainly not _our_thing. It didn't help that mixing alcohol with our med loadouts would basically wreck our systems for days at a time. Honestly, chugging hydrogen peroxide would illicit similar results over a much shorter period of time.

As such, we found ourselves in our room more often than not. We'd swap notes or play games or just talk. It was fine by us, really. We had packed up most of our things so that our tiny dorm was a jungle of cardboard boxes. We'd kept a few things: Game consoles, our TV, game books. You know, the important stuff.

"What'd your Prof's talk about today?" I asked, coming in with two take out bags from The Den. James took his burger out of his bag and bit into it, not even bothering to get up from our bed. I lounged next to him, cuddling up to his back before biting into my sriracha sub.

James swallowed and growled in pleasure before returning to Morrowind. "Comics. Professor Astley talked all about the Green Lantern. He went through some really cooky plot arc overs the years."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." said James. "Hal Jordan basically was told he couldn't save his hometown and friends, and he tried to defy his destiny and went nutso."

"How so?"

"He killed all the other Lanterns, took their rings, and became a villain named Paralax. Fanboys then preceded to bitch and moan for ten years until eventually a fan writer did an enormous retcon to redeem Hal. It was contrived as hell, but it did set up a cool story where Necron, the DC grim reaper, basically explained why superheros keep rezzing themselves."

"And that is?"

"Strange black power rings make zombies, which would normally be no big problem for, you know, superheros."

"But..."

"Well, the rings affect people who USED to be dead, which means that just about every single dead and revived superhero is now a zombie. Necron decided to leave the door to the afterlife open for superheros so that he could take them over once his plan got into motion."

"Hmph. So... interesting?"

James shrugged. "Fairly, but comics have never captivated me that much."

"Guess what my last lecture was about?"

"What?"

"Comics." I said with a smile. "Did you know the dude who wrote Wonder Woman had two wives? And that she's basically an enormous metaphor for the rightful political empowerment of women? And that she's also got all sorts of BDSM subtext?"

"No, no, but I kind of guessed, aaaaaand... no." said James, nodding his head with each "no" while keeping his eyes on Morrowind.

I cuddled close to James and watched him play. Morrowind certainly had a lot more flavor to the world, but damn, was the combat sketchy. James had nearly worn down his X button on his controller, and it took an average of about ten smashes of the X button before his sword actually hit the damn monster. But if the RNG said it missed, who cares if you saw your sword rip through the body of the cliffrunner?

I just laid there with him for who knows how long. We didn't really need to talk. It was perfectly fine just to be close, to be together. I ended up spooning with him as he played, with my arms around his waist and with my muzzle pressed against his cheek so I forced him to play his game with his head cocked sideways. James didn't care. I could feel his tail slightly wagging against my legs.

I was almost to the point of snoozing when a flash of lightning erupted from beneath our blinds. "Looks like the rain's finally gonna hit us," murmured James, distractedly.

"It might be a good idea to shut our windows," I said, unwrapping myself from around James only after kissing him on the cheek. I was glad that I got up when I did, because the moment I shut our second window, a flurry of raindrops battered a frantic tattoo against the glass. I was about to return to my previous location next to my wolfy when a crash of thunder rocked our whole building. In an instant, our room was plunged into darkness.

"I didn't do it!" I shouted, half in jest and half in reflex.

By the grey half-light I saw James lips form into a pout. "Damn it, I don't think I saved for over an hour."

"Haven't you beaten this game like, thirty times," I asked, pulling James back into my arms.

"Twelve," corrected James. He let out a contented little growl when I squeezed him in my strong bear arms. We sat in silence for a little while.

"Maybe the weather's telling us to have an early night tonight," I murmured.

"An early night or an _early_night," laughed James.

"Just an early night, I think," I said. "Sorry to disappoint you, sweetie."

"I'll be fine," said James. He stood up and shrugged off his shirt he while I changed into fresh drawers. There was a soft rustle as James slipped into the sheets before lifting them up to let me in. I let out a deep, low growl as James' arms snaked around my body, squeezing us close together.

James' lips brushed against mine before going for a longer, deeper kiss. It was a sweet kiss, and quickly followed by another, and another. I responded with equal vigor, running my hands across his face and shoulders. "You're so kissy tonight," I whispered before burying my face in his neck.

"This is last night we get to sleep together," whispered James. "I wanna get the most out of it."

"No it's not," I said, a little perplexed. "We've got tonight and Friday."

"Yeah, I know, but my parents are coming really early on Saturday," said James. "They've never been ones to respect privacy, and if their behavior at home carries over here at all, I don't think they'll even knock before trying to barge in."

Another flash of lightning illuminated a look of comprehension that dawned on my face. "Oh. And you don't want them walking in to find us sleeping together... don't they realize your door has a lock?"

James rolled his eyes and imitated a harsh, shrill voice that probably belonged to his mother. "We don't lock doors in this house James. You have three seconds to let me in."

"So there expecting us to leave our room unlocked, leaving us vulnerable to theft from our neighbors, just so we don't inconvenience them? Makes total sense. But I thought that they were coming in the afternoon."

"Change of plans," sighed James. "They apparently want to stop at some touristy stuff on the drive home and I'm being brought along for the ride."

"Didn't they ask you?" I frowned. James shook his head as I held him, so that he sort of nuzzled up to my shoulders. "Seriously, what's so important or exciting about corn and soybeans? I can't think of anything vaguely relevant around here. Farmland Midwest looks like farmland Midwest no matter what state you're from."

"They aren't completely unreasonable people," grumbled James. "It's just... they don't like anyone else contributing to 'The Game Plan." And privacy is just something that no one is entitled to in my house. Like, not even my parents give it to each other."

I chewed the inside of my mouth for over a minute, trying to choose my words with as much care as I could. "That sounds kinda creepy. Seriously. I mean, I don't wanna sound rude, but it sounds kind of... cultish? I don't want you to take that the wrong way, but a policy of 100% transparency isn't exactly normal. How do you manage to keep a facebook account? Do your parents demand to be your facebook friends or something?"

"It's much less creepy in context. In a way it's kind of refreshing that we can all call eachother out on our bullshit without hesitation. I actually respect my parents a lot for adhering to the same rules they apply to me and my brothers. It would be creepier if they didn't follow their own rules, but I don't think that they are naive enough to believe that we all have secrets that have yet to be shared." James paused to crack a devious grin. "Like my facebook account."

"And do tell me how you managed that, you nefarious, naughty boy?"

"Well you know my username. My parents don't. My parents have no interest in my love for gaming, so my gamertag is an irrelevant detail to them that isn't worth the mental energy to remember. I'm not James Ricard on facebook. I'm 'TheWanderer.' Even if dad suddenly channeled some inner tech-savviness that he has previously failed to demonstrate, searching my name would find you some middle-aged dude in Cambodia. Besides, 'Facebook's such a waste of time. I've got way too many things to do that are more interesting than whatever social network people are obsessed with this week.'" He looked up and smiled at me. "So far they've bought it."

"That's pretty elaborate of a set up. Props for keeping it up for at minimum three years."

"Five," said James.

"What would your parents do if they found out?"

"Flip shit, probably. But now I've got bigger secrets to keep." Lightning threw James' dark-furred face into sharp relief. He was frowning again.

Gently, I ran my claws through his hair, picking at the tangles and straightening his raven locks so that they gently curtained his face. "Would you rather we tell them now? Just get it over with all at once?" James pressed his face against my neck as he shook his head. "Still scared?"

"Very," whispered James. He wrapped his arms tight around my middle. His fingers formed gripping claws and dug into my body. "Sam, sweetie... you've got no idea how scared I am right now."

Quickly, I kissed him on the muzzle; just pressing my lips against his filled my brain with dopamine. Some nights, especially tonight, I just didn't want to stop. "I do, honey. I do know exactly what's going on. I went through all this last year." There was a long silence, long enough to be awkward. The fur on my back bristled as I felt James' hands grip harder against my body, and I saw the flash of gritted teeth through the gloom. Tenderly, I cradled James' face in my hands. Even in distress, he looked beautiful. "Stop it before you start, James. I won't let you beat yourself up over a silly little slip up."

The kiss James gave me was wet with tears. "But it wasn't just a slip up Sam. I was negating all the crap you waded through before coming out, including confiding in me when you didn't know all the answers yourself."

"I know what you meant James," I whispered. "Don't jump down your own throat just for misspeaking. I promise you, my feelings weren't hurt."

"But I can't afford any mistakes right now. What if I slip up and let loose that I'm dating another guy? What if I get so frustrated I can't hold it in for the whole summer?"

I sighed and rolled to the side so that I was on my back. My paws still lingered on James' body, with my fingers running through his slightly thicker chest fur. " I don't have good answers right now, hon. The safest option is to hold it in for four months, but it's certainly not the easiest option. You've just spent six weeks reveling in how free it feels to start coming out, and in two days you'll need to shove yourself back in the closet again. And it's going to suck for both of us, but especially for you, because we need to pretend like what we have doesn't exist anymore. It's going to be hard to keep that up for months at a time."

James let out a tiny moan from the back of his throat before turning onto his side. His arms snaked around my body and behind my back, and he let out a second little moan as he buried his face into my neck. I kissed him gently on the top of the head. "James... we can do it together. We can go for a few months without being close and then we'll be back for a new semester before we know it. It's going to be a dull, shitty few months and then we can be back here. I know that I won't be able to hold you like I am now, but we've got other ways of talking. We won't be completely separated."

James made a small noise of affirmation, and I felt his hands dig into my fur and clench so hard that it hurt. But it was a good hurt. I ran my hands down his back and held him by his waste. James lifted his muzzle and kissed my cheek before whispering, "Will you make love to me tonight, Sam? One last time together?"

"One last time..." I whispered, kissing him on the lips. I felt his hands shimmy my briefs off my body and it took only a moment for me to get lost in his body again.

I awoke to a scent of musk and sweat, an aroma that was honestly revolting in any context but this one. James was laying on his side, his shoulders rising and falling as he breathed in and out. His shoulder length hair was bedraggled and tangled, and his chest fur was stained off-white. Our room was died a warm rose color as the sunrise bounced off his beautiful body. Good god he looked so gorgeous right now... I snuggled up behind his naked body and kissed him on the neck, as gently as I could for fear or waking him. He didn't stir, save for a gentle wagging of his tail.

I held him in my arms for almost two hours. Two wonderful hours of nothing but his body against mine as we laid in bed together. I tried to lay as still as I could, doing nothing but holding him in my arms. It wasn't until nearly nine that James began stir. I kissed James on the lips as his eyes began to stir. "Good morning, hon." I whispered.

"Good morning, Sam," mumbled James, returning my kisses with a slight smile on his muzzle. His lips tasted pleasantly salty.

"Do you wanna make it to breakfast," I asked, pointing to the clock. James responded by turning onto his other side and snuggling into my chest. I crossed my arms behind his back and hugged him tight. We both growled in satisfaction. "I thought so..."

The last day of "classes" was spent together. James never declared that he was changing his plans to follow me all day, he just sort of decided iwithout saying anything. It was nice, really. We sat in the back row, holding hands, sometimes leaning on my shoulder. There were so many unsaid words in that hand holding. But the coolness of his fur on my pawpads was a pleasant feeling to maintain for hour long lectures.

Time was a fickle fiend that day, and I couldn't remember even eating that day. All I knew was that James was with me all day, which was almost sustenance on its own. Suddenly it was te at night, and James and I were finishing packing. It wasn't until I had stacked my last box did we really start speaking at length.

"God... it's over," murmured James.

"I know, right?"

"Did it go slow or fast for you?"

"I went fast for me," I said as I aimlessly rifled through a box. "How about you."

"Slow and fast," said James, somewhat noncommittally.

I put down my box and held James from behind, placing my hands on top of his chest. Three different times James began to say something, but he ended up just opening and closing his muzzle without really saying anything. After a few minutes I ended up talking again.

"Do you want to bunk the beds tonight?"

"Yeah, I think we should," sighed James. "Mom and Dad are coming around nine."

I squeezed him tighter and pressed my cheek into his body. "You can do it, honey. It's only for a few months."

"Yeah... it's not that long, really." sighed James as he rested a hand on the side of my face.

"That's the spirit." I let go of James, and in one fluid motion we lifted one half of the bed frame up on top of the other. James was top bunk, of course. Big guys aren't made to be top bunk. There was a rustle of fur and fabric as James leapt on to his frame. I watched him settle into the blankets as I changed into sleep clothes. Before settling into my own bed, I raised myself on tiptoes and kissed James on the mouth. His fingers ran across the top of my head as our lips moved across each others and he growled a little in satisfaction.

We didn't talk much after I hit the lights. It wasn't until I had nestled myself in the bottom bunk that I started to recognize the weight on my shoulders that had been in reality looming over me all day. All week, almost. Tonight felt like this great big deadline that came from out of nowhere, like the due date for a class project that was frequently talked about yet still surprised me when it actually rolled around. It seemed like my procrastination habits was leaking into my into my love life too. I tossed and turned in my empty bed.

Almost an hour into our uncharacteristically early night, I heard James get up. His paws lightly touched the ground, and I heard him pad across the room. There was a rattly clunk as I listened to him flick our door handle, checking to see if it was locked. I turned my head to see if I could catch a glimpse of him walking back. His fur illuminated his silhouette, so that he looked like a shadow whose outline glowed in the dark.

But he didn't get back in bed right away. He stood next to the bunks, not moving save for habitual swishes of his tail. I was contemplating reaching out to grasp his hand when he leaned down and placed his arms around my head. His voice was softer than a whisper. "Can I come in?"

"Please." It was a tight fit. We were two tall furs, and our beds were narrow. He rested his body on top of mine, and I kissed him on the lips.

"I didn't want to waste tonight," said James between kisses. "My bed felt so... barren. And cold too."'

I hugged his body close to mine and rolled us onto our sides. "Mine too, honey..." The silence we shared was soothing. It was nothing but the sleek, cool, comfort. "Promise me you'll keep me updated on if you come out." I had said this so many times I had lost count.

As if on cue, I heard James whisper in my ear, "you keep telling me that." He was never one to ignore superfluous repetition. "And I keep saying I promise I'll tell you. And I'll let you be there with me if I decide to come out on my terms." There was another pause as we just laid in bed together.

"I know you think it's silly," I said. "And I know you don't want me to see the worst of your parents. But I have pretty open minded parents and I had a hard time coming out to them. I want to be there for you when you're in tough spot. I want to be there to tell hold your hand and tell you I love you when you need it most."

There was another pause. When it was broken, James' voice was halting, quavering almost. "Did you just... say that-"

"'I love you?' Yes, I did say that. Because I love you, James." The thrill of the words sent shivers down my spine.

My sweet wolf pressed his face against my shoulder. I wasn't sure, but I thought that I felt a tear against my fur. "I love you too, Sam... I love you too..."