Harder Than It Seems
Harder Than It Seems Knowing people can be harder than it seems. Everyone hears that statement at one point or another. It gets kind of old, but we never truly take that in. We don't grasp that valuable piece of wisdom. It becomes more significant when you think about it and break it down. My relationship was easy. I thought I had a firm grasp on who Ronny was, and then I learned something about him. Then things became harder than they seemed. I remember the last night things were simple and easy in our relationship... Ronny and me were about to go to sleep in the bedroom at our apartment. It was just another sweet night winding down from the day. We were both beat after getting off from work that day. Retiring to the couch for a movie over micro-waved dinners and some over-due snuggling was what we lived for, so we had to get that out of the way before bedtime. I say over-due, but we did the exact same thing the night before and the night before that. The routine was easy and comfortable to fall into, not to mention addicting. I love the hell out of my raccoon. And he loved the hell out of his mouse. I had thought the night was over as I layed down in bed, dressed in my black boxers and Ronny pressed up against my back, naked as usual. I usually was a real prude about things as intimate as sleeping naked, but Ronny's dirty-minded nature never seemed to bother me; that was one of the ways I could tell he was special to me. I asked long before when we first started sleeping together whether if me wearing clothes to bed bothered him. He said it didn't, and I believed him, free of the worry that he was lying for my sake. I liked to have thought we were a really honest and open couple. My whole night's plans of sleep got turned around when I felt that devious raccoon lover of mine press against my tail with a firm understanding of what he desired at the moment. I lifted one eyelid, and a smirk was building on my lips. He gave a quick nudge with his hips. I could feel his nose press against my head taking in my scent. That and the possessive way he held me closely and firmly against his strong body drove me wild. It made me feel like I was the most special thing in the world to him. Those thoughts and feelings were the only ingredients needed to get me up, but there was more to come, so much more. Another thing I loved about Ronny, he had plenty to offer. I could feel that he wanted to give it all to me, too. The base of his length was wedged right between my rear cheeks, and his tip was sandwiched between my lower back and his stomach. Mine was pushing at the button on the front of my boxers at that point. Leaning toward my ear, he whispered, "Mind staying up a little tonight?" He was always the gentleman to ask. It almost seemed unthinkable to turn down his offer when that hot breath was blowing past my sensitive ears. "Another hour or so won't kill me." It wouldn't have killed me to stay up even though I get up early all the time. Although, I would have loved it if he fucked the life out of me. I would never mention the request out loud. It would have been incredibly embarrassing. My cheeks were already a little hot from all the thoughts and ideas going through my head at that moment. Maybe the heat wasn't from the embarrassment, though... It was really hard to tell as pressed back against him. A hard throb from behind brought me out of my obsessive imagination and thoughts. A grin splayed across my lips and my own arousal started coming into play. And on cue his paw came around and started feeling across the white fur on my chest and down my stomach. Letting out a sweet sigh, my own paw reached back to feel on the muscle of his leg and the smoothness of his fur. My cheeks were hot with embarrassment. He always liked my shyness. I couldn't stand it. Before it was natural since I had always thought this kind of stuff was; first, wrong and immoral to be with the same sex, then, after Ronny came into my life I changed that thought around and before we were together I only thought the act itself was kind of gross. Now, I get blown away every time he makes me hard. The feelings have all changed with the exception of my bashful nature. It worked out anyways. Ronny gets a kick out of my quirks as he'd always had before. I gasped when I felt the breath of his nose getting close to the base of my ear. My eyes went wide and I barely could think of it before he let a long lick across one of the most sensitive places of my body. My paws both lashed out and grabbed the comforter in front of me, and the moan is just embarrassing when it escapes the resistance of my barely closed lips. My whole my body must have quivered, but it was hard to tell through all the feelings. How could he do that to me; he knew that wasn't playing fair. I could vaguely tell that my boxers had slipped down, as well. My own desire began taking over. It was easily noticeable with how my butt was pressing back against him so much. I needed it. I would have never enjoyed sex if Ronny didn't bring the needy lust infested mouse out of me. I wasn't proud of the way I clawed at the bed sheets or the sounds I made, but I never regretted a second of this. More of the clawing and embarrassing sounds repeated themselves as my incessant lover licked my other ear, and then again. My hips were pressing back harder, impatiently. His hard on was more than ready as it pressed up between my cheeks. He was only making this last, trying to prolong the act so the end wouldn't come... the mind blowing ending that I begged for with every movement and breath of my body. It drove me nuts and he knew it. We haven't even started the main event! It seemed like every time we did this, I always thought I had never wanted him in me more than right at that moment. Those were thoughts that were in my head, that dominated my every action. Ronny was rubbing my chest with a rough firm paw, and it made me feel so small and helpless. I tried not to think about feeling that way too much, it just always seemed so dirty. It makes me embarrassed as hell to feel that way, but I could never truthfully say it wasn't an amazing feeling... He was raking claws against the fur on my chest and at the same time I could feel him pressing his tip in. It was a clear indication that his needs had dominated his playful, teasing spirit. It was completely wet with it's own juices and leaking on to my rear, aroused from the warmth of his skin radiating and rubbing in between my cheeks. Ronny was somehow specially built to be so aroused by me that we didn't need lube, even though I kept some as a precaution. I still find it hard to believe he, or anyone for that matter could be that attracted to me. Suddenly, my insecurities are blown away by... that beautiful fulfillment, that ecstasy of hot pressure, the slick bliss of his bonding with me. That was just the first thrust, the starter kick to the game of my season. When he started pulling back, those sensations twisted inside out and became something completely different. They replaced the first wave with something just as great and yet so different feeling. It's like thinking when he first enters me "Nothing could be better than this" and when he pulls back I know I am instantly mistaken. He built up a rhythm pretty quickly. I was really glad the day Ronny got over the worry of hurting me, because when I was over it, I really needed him to thrust faster, hit me harder with those powerful hips. He was at that moment. He pounded me almost like he was trying to hurt me a little. I admit that sometimes I challenged his ego a little with slight hints of the general "your baby slaps with those hips is nothing to be worried about" or the good old "you and Disney world make the most pleasant easy-going rides". That is always a good one. Okay, maybe he was trying to hurt me. I wouldn't blame him, but it's all working in my favor as he gives me one of the greatest of many hard fucks ever. He was really pent up this evening. My ass was thrust back into his clutches and my paws were gripping the sheets tightly as I took him in over and over. Ronny's moans and groans add to mine. My ass would have been grinding back against him, but he kept a good hard grip on my hips to keep me still. It was almost a painful hold, but whenever I get pounded like this, all the pain is pleasure. The world I was in currently had nothing but constantly existing pleasurable sensations. It had everything I needed. I was pawing myself the whole time. I had been making a mess on the bed. I could never keep up with lathering it all over myself, it just leaked too much too fast. That was another indication that I loved the crap out of getting fucked. I moaned even louder when I heard Ronny make his sweet whining noise. It's a whine mixed with groan from the building pressure and pleasure, and it had an undertone of disappointment that the ride would be over soon. There was still a ride left, though. I felt it throbbing inside of me, ready to come out. The thrusting was reaching it's peak. My body was taking a beating, but I'd gladly wear the bruising on my ass. The pounding went on longer this time. The only reason I wanted it to come to an end was because I really couldn't hold myself back for long. And I was definitely not going to ruin the chance of coming the same time as him. So I pulled out my secret weapon. Letting go of my shaft, I reached back and rubbed his sack as he kept thrusting. Then I spoke in my very vulnerable, squeaky voice. It wasn't hard to do it at the time. "Come on, baby, give it to me..." I was rewarded with a long drawn out groan. "That's not fair," he said in a strained voice. He was really trying to hold back. "Please..." I whispered dramatically just loud enough for him to hear. "OooH!" My paw clawed the sheets as I felt that wonderful spread of warmth fill me. The next thing I felt was my cock throbbing unbelievably hard, and then it was spurting my seed all over our bed and me moaning along side my raccoon with my eyes rolling upwards. My body quaked for a few seconds before the climax finally finished. We stayed tensed up for a long moment. He was holding me closer, though, possessive and thankful with his arms. Both of us were panting for air with our bodies pounding from the adrenaline. He was exhausted from trying to hold the gates against the flood for so long. I was busy being amazed at how much I love him. Suddenly, I was flattened into the bed. Ronny rolled on top of me and got my whole stomach wet and messy. I heard him snoring behind me and I let out my best growl. I finally gave out a sigh. "Honey, I'm covered in very sticky stuff. I'd like to clean a bit before you pass out." A snore was the only answer I got back. You'd think I would be frustrated. I smiled and shook my head. It wasn't like I couldn't go to sleep with his weight pressing me so comfortably into the bed. And he was still inside of me. I closed my eyes, smiling. "Love you..." I said before I easily drifted to sleep. The next day was me and Ronny's day off. I could have many days off, but I didn't treat owning my own business too much like a luxury. Ronny had no classes at the university for next week, and his job had to give him some time off for working so many hours. He deserved the time off. I payed for most of the expenses, but Ronny's financial burdens were much heavier when he had to attend school. I took the opportune time to call our two best friends to have lunch and spend the day together. "Okay," I was saying over the phone to Dex. I admit, I was pretty excited about our plans to actually hang out, again. They usually only came over for short visits. Lunch dates were rare when it came to synchronizing all four of our busy schedules. "And try to keep Lance from eating before then. I remember how much he complains like a girl when he eats too much." From behind me, the words "whiny bitch" and a soft chuckle could be heard from Ronny. I silenced the phone with my paw. "Be nice," I said back to him. I never actually understood what it was about Ronny and Dex always picking on Lance. I asked Ronny one time and his answer was, "It turns his mate on when little Lance gets some verbal abuse." When he told me that I laughed at the joke, and Ronny smiled at my failure to understand he wasn't joking. It took me a while to realize how strange a pair Lance and Dex actually were. It was funny how easily I got used to it, too. "Anyways, Dex," I say back into the receiver. "We'll see you in a few. Bye-bye!" As soon as I hung up the phone, Ronny attacked me from behind, lifting me up and molesting me with an onslaught of raccoon kisses. I could tell by that point it was going to be a while before I could get clothes on before our lunch date. Luckily, I was spared the act that would drain my vitality for the day. Ronny settled for teasing the hell out of me. Dex and Lance would have easily seen the slow, awkward stride I would take, the way my tail would hang more limp than usual, the way I would wince when I would sit down. I would have been embarrassed the rest of the day. The group agreed to sit outside at the restaurant. The day was really nice, and it was a really quiet time for downtown at that hour. Dex and Lance sat on the other side of the rounded glass table from us. The fresh air felt good for our atmosphere of instant friendly campaigning. Plus, our private talk was better suited with a location that was somewhat more remote and away from innocent ears that couldn't the gay overtones such as ours. Dex was a forward and venturous lizard with the usual green scales, but his stomach was a wet, deep violet color that seemed to appear in his eyes as well. It wasn't visible with his t-shirt on at the moment. His nails were the same color, too. It was both exotic and a bit intimidating. Ronny and me thought he painted them. Then he showed that he wasn't lieing when we had dove into a few drinks one night at the apartment. His shirt, by some means or another, had come off. We then believed he was naturally colored that beautiful purple all along his body from then on. Lance was pretty much your average run of the mill skunk. He was, by all means, a sweet heart to me. He had those puppy eyes going for him, and his soft, soothing voice to match them. It was apart of the reason why I was so perplexed to why anyone would pick on him. He did well to take the teasing. His ears would sag, but the smile was obviously genuine. I think there is something more than amusement behind that smile, too. Dex and him must really have something. I think that was why we had such a good friendship with them. We both had great faith in our good relationships. The conversation struck up after the drink orders were put in. Laughing, talking, smiling... it was exactly the lunch I had been looking forward to. Ronny didn't say he wanted his favorite appetizer, but I ordered it anyways. I received a nudge by his elbow, but a modest thank-you smile was on his masked face. I was being nice, but there was an ulterior motive behind the action, and he knew it. The ritual of our double dates consisted of Dex and me arguing over the bill, and the more expensive the bill he more we both wanted to take it. He started it ever since he heard I owned a business, and I pointed it out when I tired to pay the very first tab. Ronny should have warned me of Dex's competitive-alpha complex. "I'll have a drink form the bar," Dex was telling the waiter. "Do you want anything, Howard" This was a challenge. My little stunt with the appetizer didn't go unnoticed. "Sure. I would like a chocolate martini, cocoa on the rim, please..." Dex and me exchanged pleased, predatory smiles as the waiter walked away. "Dex, sweety..." Lanced chimed in. "Don't forget about your half of the cell phone bill. It's due this month." Dex didn't look away from me. "Don't worry, baby, I got it. Hey... would you be in the mood for the Tour of Rome?" I easily saw this coming. It was probably one of the largest meals one could order, and Lance's appetite wouldn't let him turn down such an offer. "Oooh..." Lance made a show of difficult decision-making, but... "Alright. You horrible reptile, why do you tempt me so?" He was smiling and giving a heavy affectionate nuzzling to Dex's shoulder. "I have to take a trip to the men's," Ronny said as he got up from his seat. I was expecting him to chime in with a fat joke directed toward Lance. By Lance's look up to Ronny, I think he was expecting something of the same as well. It made me wonder what was going through my raccoon's head. Something was on his mind, and I couldn't tell what. "You have weird timing cause' I do too..." Dex said as he pulled away slowly from Lance and left with Ronny. Lance propped his elbow and perched his head in his paw. "You ladies have fun powdering your noses!" My skunk companion said this out loud to tease our two lovers. Dex merely responded with a wave backwards over his shoulder before he began talking to Ronny as they walked inside. Watching them, I saw Ronny talking back and acting like he would normally in front of the four of us. I didn't realize I had let out a long sigh. Lance didn't let it go unnoticed. "What's the matter, sweety? You look like you have something on your mind?" The waiter was dropping off our drinks when I turned back to answer Lance. "Oh? Uhh... you know, these late nights get to me sometimes." I was so quick to make up an excuse that I accidentally slipped out some very personal information. "Ohh, I see. I'm glad you like to keep the spark in the relationship after being together so long. It's been two years, right?" I nodded, glad that Lance was taking the change of topic. "That's cute! Now, how about you be an honest mouse and tell me what's going on with you and Ronny." That was disappointing. I let out another sigh and took a sip of my drink. I thought about how fattening the chocolate martini was. I only thought things like that when I felt bad. "I don't know. Every once in a while he would get bummed out like any normal fur, but that would only last about a day. This, though..." I shook my head slowly and contemplated of how to voice the concerns I had been putting off. "I've had my down days-and for no good reason, too. He knows I have my days and he's had his, but it's been a week now. "Lance," I sighed again. "Tell me I am just being paranoid." My good friend was wearing a very sincere smile. He should have looked as worried as me. That wasn't the case. That's how I knew he was aware of something I wasn't. "What is it?" Lance took a moment. It's like he was keeping a secret. "Okay, listen," it was a secret! "By telling you this-close your mouth." I never realized it was hanging, but I did as he said. "I know this is surprising, but by telling you this... I am breaking a promise to my Dexy... the love of my life." He put up a paw to stop me when I was about to interrupt. "You're my friend, though. And I think I would want to know this if it were me." I sat patiently, assured that Lance was building on telling me the secret I was anxious to hear. "There's a fetish ball coming up. You know how freaky me and Dex get." Lance giggle to himself. They really were... abstract, but I never needed them to elaborate. For some strange reason, I was curious now. "Anyways... we are going out of town this weekend. Ronny, your beloved raccoon, is also wanting to go. He won't, though. He's very scared you'll react badly, that you might think he'll cheat on you or that he's a freak, stupid insecurities I think he shouldn't have." I really didn't know what to think or say. Ronny knew I would be really uncomfortable at a place like that. I don't know if I could go, but for Ronny... I don't know what I would do... "That makes some sense," I finally say as I try to think about this. "Do you know that he won't cheat on me?" I admit, I though Ronny could have his pick of anyone. I couldn't help to feel insecure myself. "Aww, sweety, Ronny would hate himself forever if he did something like that. Not to mention we would be giving a heavy boot to his furry ass, too." "Then, why would he want to go to a place like that. He's never told me about anything really.. freaky while we've been together." "He might be worried about how you'll react. He wants to go to talk and spend time with people who are into the same thing as him. I think maybe he wants to hone his craft with the advice from some experts, too." Ronny couldn't come and talk to me about this? He needed to get away and be with people more like him... I lacked something he needed in his life... Lance noticed I was starting to get down on myself. "That raccoon loves you a lot, Howe. I don't know if me or Dex could hold back our freaky nature for one another like Ronny has been doing. To fetishists like us, it's a part of our lives.. our relationships. It's not something that just gets our rocks off, though, that is a really really big part of it." It's something that makes us...us." My ears fell back some. "Where does that leave me? Don't have any... kinks like you and Dex." Lance was just smiling at me. That was another thing I loved about my friend. His reactions, like the reassured smile in front of me always rubbed off so easily. He was comforting to talk to all the time. "Sweetheart, you don't know what you like. You were all tightly wrapped in a bubble of innocence before Ronny came along. Hell, you weren't even in to men when you guys met, remember?" I nodded my head. Dex and Lance, I confess, scared the crap out of me when Ronny first introduced us. Now, Lance and I take more shopping trips than him and his boyfriend do. Dex was never the shopping type; unless, that trip included leather, whips, and chains. I always get a kick out of remembering the time Lance and me tricked him into going to the House Depot. "I'm certainly sure that Ronny's little fetish won't send you running for the hills. Just be open to it." At that point, I started wondering what exactly it was that Ronny was into. "What is it, anyways?" Lance looked past me with a pleasant smile and waved at, I suspected, Dex and Ronny. When Ronny sat down, I put on my best smile and turned to blow him a kiss. He returned the kiss and smiled. The rest of the meal went a little better than it started. Though, Ronny started acting like his normal self again while I was left with being quiet and distant. We switched places in our spectrum of moods it seemed. I couldn't stop examining our whole relationship, thinking about what his secret could be. Would I accept him? Could I possibly get into it? I tried imagining myself next to Ronny decked out in slave and master outfits. The image seemed ridiculous. I wouldn't be able to dress myself in it. The idea was just.. silly to me. That just didn't seem like... us. Lance did say that a fetish was what made someone themselves'. That just wasn't me, I couldn't see it. Then where did that leave me? Was everything going to be okay? My friends didn't start to worry about me until Dex finished paying the bill. "Are you okay, Howie?" The lizard woke me from my thinking as he put his wallet away. "-Oh!..Uhmm, yeah, I just was thinking if one of my employees asked for a week off or not. It's been bugging me since it crossed my mind earlier. I'm going to have to stop by tomorrow and make sure or I won't ever get it out of my head." Dex merely nodded and it looked like my excuse was satisfactory. Lance didn't say anything either, probably because he knew already the kinds of thoughts going that were going through my head. "I'll be getting the next one, you cane bet on it. I just felt sorry for you this time." "Or a little mouse can't hold his liquor.." He was referring to my empty drink... drinks really. I didn't truly realize till then that I should have said no after the second refill. I had been really quiet most of the time because I drank from the worrying, and I didn't trust how loose my tongue felt. I wondered instantly how many calories that must have been that I downed. Dammit. We said our goodbyes and gave our hugs before we parted ways. The drive home was mostly quiet, with commentary on Lance's overeating. When I asked Ronny what him and Dex did in the bathroom he merely replied "we used it". The rest of the drive home was filled with my attempts to think up a good way to talk to him about... it... without incriminating Lance. I was afraid that I would be selling out my friend before the night's over. "Uhm, are you okay?" I looked at him and then to the apartment complex. The drive must have slipped by that past second. Ronny must have been waiting for me to say the usual declaration "Home sweet, home!". It was what I said every time since we moved in together in our very own apartment. "Huh?-oh..," I laughed softly at myself. "Guess I wasn't paying attention." Ronny was still looking at me not sure about that. "I'm fine," I said with a convincing smile. Please think I'm drunk, I thought. He let it go and smiled, and we both went inside. We ended up on the couch watching a movie with the lights out. Cuddled close together in silence, it seemed both of us had something on our minds. It was easy to tell with Ronny. He could never get through a movie without making some kind of commentary. I had actually been waiting for it, and after a while I finally concluded that he was just distracted as me. Could it be a coincidence that Lance chose today to spill the beans on Ronny's secret? That would give the bathroom break some explanation. Could we be thinking about the same thing? The movie ended with the credits rolling and Ronny pressing closer to me. He was burying his nose into the fur behind my head.. Taking deep breaths, he began running his paws up underneath my shirt through the short white hair of my stomach and going up. It called to the heat deep inside of me. I let out a relaxed sigh while closing my eyes. It felt so good... so tempting. I hated remembering I wanted to talk about... needed to talk about this secret of his. "Ronny?" I had been so aroused already that voice was near squeaking level. I think he heard it too because he didn't stop to respond, only grunted as he persisted. Then I could feel him pressing up against me, making known he was excited too. "R...Ronny..." I said it to get his attention, but the thoughts of calling his name in a different manner fluttered through my mind. "Yes?" I could hear the smile in his voice. He tried dominating the situation by moving his free paw around to grope my thickened sheath. My dick was sliding free by the time I figured I desperately needed... to pull away before my cravings got the better of me. "Mmm...I-I want to talk, sweety." These words were more difficult than they should have been. His paws had stopped moving and that gave me a chance to recover, pull away, and turn around to face him. My pulling away finally got his attention. He looked slightly worried so I took my paw in his and smiled. I didn't realize immediately that that was usually the "break up" situation as his ears fell to his head in a sad looking way. I had no idea how insecure he really was until that moment. Understanding, I leaned up and gave him a peck on the lips. His smile was reassuring and helped me to continue the long awaited talk. "I-..." "Wait," he interrupted like he finally understood. My ears perked up in surprise. He let out a deep breath he must have been holding a while. "there's something you should know about me. I really wanted to get some help to do this but you deserve to know." "I think I already know..." My words brought a -horrified?- reaction to his face. "It's okay... I don't know the whole thing, just that you have a... kink, I guess..." I was trying to reassure him, remembering what Lance told me about him being scared. He looked pretty scared. "Lance only told me you're scared to tell me your secret, and you want to go with him and Dex to... a fetish event." There, I said it. I tried to sound more understanding when I did it. I already turned in Lance red-handed as the one to spill the beans. The nervousness really got to me! At least, that will be my excuse to Lance when he finds out I blurted out his name. Ronny's tone sounded like he was justifying himself then. "I-I only want to go to get some advice on... something," his face was so full of worry and perplexed thought. "I wanted to find the courage to tell you what I like, and... about something else..." I was intrigued by the fact there was more I didn't know about my raccoon. "I don't want to tell you now... I really wanted to tell you when I figured everything out first." To this I merely smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips. His ears perked up in a cute way. "That's fine. I think you should go." He looked at me as if he were going to deny my approval. "If you want to go so bad, you should go, Ronny. You didn't have to hide this from me." He looked away. "Yeah... I know..." "You never have to hide anything from me, sweety." I got a smile from him for that, and his ringed tail rose up in the same excitement that could be seen in his eyes when he looked back at me. I finally got my Ronny back to normal. If that made him happy, I wanted to give this to him. Ronny had to start packing that evening. I helped some. To be completely honest, I wanted to see what he was taking. I believed to see what Lance said about Ronny being faithful to be absolutely true at that point. I trust my lover. That doesn't make me any less curious as to what in the world he would take to a fetish thing. It appeared he took clothes... and a toothbrush. I could deal with that; maybe this wasn't going to be such a big deal. It was quite a let down to my imagination, though. We went to bed by around midnight. I told him I would drive him to Dex and Lance's where he could ride with them. That would work since he was going to need some sleep from getting up so early the next morning. I consciously made plans to come back and sleep in for a good long time. We talked about a few other things that night, mostly about the events and lectures he wanted to attend. None of it specific enough to keep my interest. It was all enough to put this mouse to sleep. I found out later that he chatted himself to sleep as well. It happened when I decided to clean the house. Missing Ronny a bunch always made me want to do something. He had already been gone a whole day! Cleaning seemed like the sensible thing to do, and he would probably like coming back to a freshly clean house. Of course... I didn't realize how good I was at it. I soon ran out of things to pick apart and move around while wiping away dust and dirt. Then I noticed Ronny's computer on the desk. He was always tinkering around on it, talking to friends and playing browser games. I always logged on to the username he made specially for me to watch Mytoob videos on the Internet and such. I sat down and clicked on his username. It soon asked for a password, and then I suddenly found something to keep me challenged and my mind off missing Ronny. Of course, it was annoying between the fifteen minute increments of waiting after getting the password wrong a few times. I tried different arrangements of numbers and letters. Then I tried different names and other personal things. I was getting frustrated after it told me I would have to wait another fifteen minutes before I could try again. With a sigh, I was ready to give up. Maybe I shouldn't have been on Ronny's account in the first place. He did really good to keep everyone, including me, out of his computer. That thought was a little demoralizing. The phone rang and my tail lifted in excitement. What better distraction than a phone call from the person I was missing so terribly. The phone barely made it to a second ring before I was there. "Hello?" I said with a smile. "Hey! What are you doing?" Ronny's voice stands above a bunch of others crowding the background. Was he in his room? Who were all the others? "Umm, well, nothing... I was cleaning the house a bit. Things are pretty boring around here. I think we should think up something that can keep my attention while you're not around." "Awww... well, I promise I'll think of something that will satisfy both of us. I'm having a really good time. It would be perfect if you were here, though. It's all I'm ever really missing when you're away." That made me blush, and my tail was curling around my leg to keep it from swinging everywhere in excitement. He was going to make me clean more if he kept that sweet talk up. "Well, don't you worry about me. You have a good time, baby. I did, after all, say you could go. This mouse knew what he was getting into. I'm still curious as hell as to what it is you've been keeping from me this whole time." "I know," his voice had a little more confidence in it than it did last time he said that. "I think I'm finally up to revealing the weird part of me to you. I'll understand if you don't get it or just find it absolutely crazy..." "Please." It's that time I wished I was a little less of a prude. I wanted to be so understanding for him, and I was sure I could handle whatever he was hiding. "You don't need to keep secrets from me, my love." I giggled softly. "I'm crazy for you," and a blush spread across my cheeks. I heard a content sigh and I imagined him holding me and kissing me. "I love you..." "I love you, too." I heard voices calling his name. Then another sigh, not so content. "You go ahead, sweety. I need to get back to this project I started on." That statement brought some new ideas back to my mind while in the midst of my love haze. I finally thought I could beat the password at that moment. "Thanks, babe... I'm missing you... bye." "Bye." I had a longing smile on my snout when we hung up. Turning back to the computer I went to sit down again. I definitely wanted to surprise him with a clean desktop, and a little part of me wanted to impress him with my capability of knowing him by getting pass his password. The last phone call gave me some ideas. I tried things that had to do with our relationship. He loves me almost as much as I love him. What kind of password would I have made? I try a few lovey-dovey things like "in love with a mouse" "lovestruck". None of them worked. I finally thought about it and typed "I love you, Ronny". When I got it wrong, I slapped myself softly and tried again. This time I wrote "I love you Howie". I gasped when the password went through and the desktop popped up with his Forever Forest background showing an endless range of trees and icons bordering all around the screen. The computer welcomed me with music as well. I first did a disk defragment and went to fix myself something to eat. The whole cleaning episode got me so distracted that I had forgotten all about eating dinner and lunch. Well, sleeping through lunch didn't help, either. My stomach was growling the whole time I was getting the microwaved meal out and grabbing the fork. The computer finished the job by the time I finished the food and sat back down. Looking around the desktop, I found a few things of spam and spyware. I didn't realize Ronny collected so much luggage from the internet. This stuff usually came up when there was a lot porn surfing, at least, that's what my computer class taught me. That's when another thought crossed my mind. Ronny was away at a fetish convention, and his computer was littered with parasites and other nasty bits that followed with surfing smut all over the net. The connection I began making started to spark an intense curiosity. It only took a good ten minutes of arguing with myself before I finally caved into the selfish demands of my constantly growing curiosity. I couldn't hold back any longer. So I looked through his browser. He had it set to delete whenever it was closed. That was a dead end. Then I thought about that he could have been saving it somewhere on his computer. I searched around the documents, the usual places. I think it was a little too obvious to look in Pictures. But after I clicked Videos, there was a strange file there. Home Movies. Clicking on it, there was a list of files. There had to be around two dozen of them. I clicked the one named First Night. This was where I found the truth. The video showed our bedroom. Both of us were on the camera. I was on the bed while he stood next to me. He was looking down at me, his ringed tail swaying behind when he was excited. And he was wearing no clothes. I still had mine on. The audio was apparently missing, but his paw motions and I rise from the bed. Then I begin stripping as he watches, and the me in the video doesn't seem to have any problem with him just starring at me. Not really realizing what I was watching I maximized the video and sat back and got comfortable while I watched purely stunned. Once I was naked, Ronny began stroking my sheath and my body shivered. I didn't remember ever shivering like that.. or ever being in that moment on the video. I didn't remember any of that. There I was, though, kneeling down and... Ronny pressed his shaft against my nose and I dove at it like a starving fur in a desert. My paws took hold of his hips and my mouth smothered his length. My cheeks expanded and I swear I saw a drip of spittle from my lips. My tail was even wagging like a dog. I looked like a cock thirsty dog. I couldn't believe it. My cheeks were flushed red as I turned the video off. I blushed even harder when I felt a growing pressure down below. It took a while for me to realize that I was slightly turned on by what I saw. Even after that understanding dawned on me, I couldn't help but to stare at the screen with a list of more videos in front of me that probably held the same content. I started clicking on the next one. It was named Success. The video popped up showing me and Ronny in the bedroom again. I was standing nude, and he was sitting on the bed. My body began swaying. My hips were moving along with my tail swinging back behind me. My arms went up, and then I realized I was dancing for him. Ronny was already hard from just watching me. I didn't understand. I couldn't grasp or figure out why I didn't remember these videos, these times we were together like this. I never pictured myself doing this and just thinking of it gives me that scared, embarrassed feeling. It was similar to a phobia when I thought about myself trying to do those things at that very moment, but I was right there in those videos. That wasn't any other mouse. That was me. My thoughts were swirling on what this could be, what it meant, and how this happened without me knowing. I didn't realize how much time had passed until Ronny's hips were bucking, like they always did when he was reaching his peak. Then my video self fell to his knees, with his tail wagging like a dog again. I couldn't believe my tail did that. I hated it when my tail did that. My tail was a tame and calm force of my body. It did not wag like that! But it did right in front of my eyes, while Ronny continued bucking his hips and letting...no. I couldn't believe I was smiling when he did that. My face was burning with embarrassment, and my thoughts tried to rationalize. I didn't remember any of this. It couldn't have been me. That couldn't have been my face taking his load all over it...with a smile. It was such a happy smile, like being on fire and walking out to the greet the rain. That couldn't have been me! Turning off the video, I concluded that I had enough of them, but another one struck my attention. It was named Howard's Favorite. I wasn't aware I had a favorite smut video that I made. I wasn't aware I had made smut videos at all! My paw was already guiding the mouse and clicking on it. That proved it as well. It was the same bedroom, same Ronny, and same mouse, which was me, in the video. It was too much to ask that there would be two Howards with the same species and fur color, so that meant it had to be me. It was me there on the bed again. Ronny was doing some instructing of some sorts. I figured he was instructing since by the pattern of each video I started out in a coma state, and when he finished speaking I started performing an action. That sounded familiar for some reason. This one had taken longer before it started to get to the... interesting part. I was getting up, naked just like him. My mouth fell open as I watched the next thing that happened. In complete astonishment I began forgetting it was me in that video! My polar opposite clone started the festivities by grabbing a paw full of Ronny's hair, and pulling his head back, I smiled and grabbed his ass with my other paw. That looked like it hurt. Then my raccoon was thrown on the bed. I still had trouble believing it was me doing this. It couldn't be. Still I watched. The mouse in the video had a hard on that looked slightly painful. I don't think I had ever been so hard. That particular moment sitting in the chair watching these videos might have been exception, since when I looked down to see what was throbbing in almost a painful manner, I was surprised to see I was turned on. My cheeks flushed red as I tried to rationalize that it had to be something else. Then the video me began to mount my love from behind. I never did that before! I couldn't... he... he never asked, I... don't understand what's going on. The mouse was sliding into my boyfriend, taking him like he owned that raccoon and I still couldn't believe it was me. I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. Almost without knowing it, my own paw crept down and began to massage the erection stretching my shorts in a very uncomfortable way. The sudden shock of pleasure made me gasp and stare down at myself. The tip had leaked pre through the top of my pants and made me have a wet spot. It was really uncomfortable so I undid the front and pulled them out of the way so my boxers were sticking up. Then my paw, practically of it's own free will, slipped beneath the final layer and took hold and began smothering the self-made lubricant all over my thick meat. It was so much hotter in my paw than I remembered. I looked back up, giving up any expectation of me being able to pull my paw away when it felt so good. When my eyes connected with what was happening to the video it started to feel better than it ever felt before. Thoughts like "That can't be me...", "I don't know act like that...", and "I never had... that... that kind of confidence in me..." were fluttering through my head as I kept pawing myself slow. Even at a slow pace I felt like I was going to explode. My shaft was severely coated in my own juices. The fur in my crotch was matted over. I've never felt like this before. And I was just watching it... the thought "why couldn't I remember this?" seem to be the most asked in my head. The finale was coming. I could tell by the way my raccoon shivered and by the certain things I do. My butt cheeks were tighter. My tail was lifting higher, and those ears were folded back hard against my head. I already came once just two minutes ago while swimming in my thoughts and blissful pleasure. "Oh..Shit..shit!" were the only words I could get out to explain to myself that I was coming again! I needed that out-loud verbal agreement when I was so confused and turned on at the same time. My lap received another heavy rain of seed as my paw pumped me furiously. The video me was ramming his peaking climax into my loving raccoon. That just made my paw pump me some more while my release was over. The video finally faded to black as it reached its ending. I could only sit there breathing heavy from an amazing rush. The questions still filled my head. I didn't know how to get the answers. I didn't know what to think of this. I didn't know how I could face Ronny, feeling like I invaded something he's been...hiding. I felt frustrated with that part. He shouldn't have to hide things from me. I never hid something like this from him, and I thought we understood that neither of us ever would. We both enjoyed that comfort that somebody wasn't sacrificing any important part of themselves for the sake of the other. I remembered Lance's words. A fetish isn't just sex, there is more to it. It's apart of who that person was. Instantly I made up my mind to figure out what this was all about. It was reassuring that I knew I was going to talk to Ronny. I wanted to tell him how stupid and inconsiderate it was to hide something like this from me. I really wanted to know what he did, wanted to know why, and how. With one paw still holding my still hard shaft, my other paw clicked on the next video... My eyes opened to the daylight leaking through the curtains like a shining beam to ruin my peaceful slumber. The disbelief that I had pawed off multiple... not just twice, but quite a few times, was swimming through my head. Getting up was easy, but when I finished breakfast and a good cup of coffee I could feel the soreness. Putting up the dishes, I caught a glimpse of Ronny's computer in the corner of my eye from the kitchen. Then quite a few thoughts and very old questions came fluttering back to my mind. Some were not so bad as the ones like... betrayal and lies. Those strangely arousing ones sent a sensation down below and then I felt the number of times I pawed off come sweeping back in pain. I definitely knew what I wasn't doing for the day! Instead, I spent the day thinking. I tried analyzing all the videos in my head, and I did watch all of them. The thought of watching them sent this strange thrill all through my body, and my sheath twitched again with less pain. It seemed my body hadn't been pushed far enough last night and was up for more abuse. The ending effects from pawing off so many times were becoming a smaller sacrifice with ever second I thought about those wonderful videos. At the same time, those videos were hurting. The confusion was all that kept me from deciding what this was. I couldn't think it was betrayal, but what other way did I have to look at it? It had to be betrayal, and my loyal part of my mind wanted to say that to enjoy watching the videos so much dismissed Ronny of any crimes that existed. He didn't tell me about them, and somehow he made me forget that they existed. That's kind of wrong, isn't it? That was another thing. How did I forget doing something like that? I had a really good memory. Drugs crossed my mind and it hurt to think Ronny would do that. I wanted to know. Those poses and the things Ronny made me do seemed oddly familiar looking, like something I had seen before. They reminded me of something. I got back on to his computer. Avoiding the videos, I went on and began doing searches of memory loss. It took a while to narrow down the... symptoms of my behavior in the videos. It came to me when I had it narrowed down, though. Hypnosis was showing up a bunch, and after a few searches and seeing that word time and time again I suddenly realized why it looked so familiar the way I acted. I hadn't gone through childhood without watching a bunch of cartoons, and cartoons never failed to play an episode that involved something related to a hypnotist waving a spiral and making the victim go into a deep trance. That's what it was. The dazed state that I was in had so many different expressions that all had a sleepy undertone to them. There seemed to be no better word to fit it but a deep trance. Doing some more research I found that there was a whole underworld of fetishes that were of hypnosis variety. The links I pressed, the pictures and videos I saw were all so similar to the one Ronny did of me. I already looked very hard to see if he posted the videos. It was a horrible thought, but at that point I wouldn't have put it past him. He's already kept enough secrets from me. Those thoughts hurt a lot, and I really wish I could justify them and feel better with saying he had been very devious in this whole matter. It still hurt. To my relief, I didn't find any videos of us posted. I desperately wanted to talk to him. We needed to work this out, but I didn't even know what to say to him. It scared me to face him with the knowledge and questions I had. I was afraid that it... it might be over at the end of that discussion. I trusted he had answers... that he would be honest, despite my small twinges of doubt hanging in my mind. The problem really was... how would I feel towards those answers? I can easily say I how feel toward the videos is that they make me very confused... and turned on, but mostly confused... I think. How would I have felt when he told me about all this? How would Ronny feel faced with that? My mind tries to tell me that he should have been honest and asked me before making this videos in the first place, but I remember his fear that night I told him I knew he wanted to go the fetish convention. Maybe... we both shared that fear of the outcome that would follow this discussion that we seem to both be faced with. Then I remembered why he was going to that convention. He wanted advice. I think I could use some right now, too, and I'm not even the one with the fetish who's dating a very shy and mundane mouse. These new thoughts were making me feel better. I was ready to see him, more than ready since I wasn't hurting so bad. I felt good when I thought about how I still loved him. By that time, I was pretty hungry. The day went by fast while I was neck deep in information on hypnosis and such. While fixing something to eat, my mind thought about the experience. I imagined the parts the video didn't show, the trance, the deepening, and all of the triggers that could be in my head. Ronny held the reigns to my mind with those triggers, and that thought sent a shiver through me. I glanced back at the computer, and I wasn't sure which hunger was making me lick my lips. Luckily the timer went off and my next course of action was decided for me by my stomach. I took wine with the meal, and had a few more glasses then I meant to have. It gave me a dizzy sensation by the end of the meal and in my slight intoxication I thought how it was similar to being hypnotized. That thought instantly brought me back to the computer, brought me to the videos, and brought my paw to start rubbing myself through my boxers. I had turned the one on where Ronny supposedly turned me into a ferocious, man-hungry dominant mouse. It was fun to see that side of me, like looking at somebody else. It could be like saying that you saved the world and not remembering it... then you watch a video of yourself doing it. Except this was no hero saving the day. It was me throwing my lover, who is so much taller and bulkier, down on the bed with so much ease. I've already seen the video once, but this time I didn't feel so confused. It was really easy to enjoy the fact that this was me; this hardcore mouse was in me. It was dark by the time I started up another one. I told myself I would have one more release and would have to stop for the safety of my cock. I'm pretty sure it would fall off, especially since I never had pawed off so much in my entire life. Then a noise at the door sounded. My ears went up and my paw stopped. The noise of my door's lock and knob in motion brought a chill through my body. It was possible someone could be trying to break in. All the lights were left off while I was... busy. Only the computer monitor lit the room and me, sitting with my paw stuffed in my boxers. I didn't even think to get up and run away. I was a deer in headlights. After the door opened, the sound of keys jingling brought a perplexed expression to my face. Ronny? "Howard? Sweety, are you here?" That was Ronny's voice. What was he doing back so early? He had another day at the convention. Thinking I slept a day away I checked the computer date and I was right; there was still another day. When I looked up from the computer I saw him walk into view from the kitchen. He had his bag and he was out of breath as if from running. He was also shocked to see me in the seat pawing off to the video that still played. When his eye looked past... it took a moment he was quite surprised, his face contorted into... horror? Then looked at me. "I can explain," we both said out loud. Our eyes were connected and I was pretty sure we both had the same expressions. Then he kind of smiled and I think I did too. That's how everything went down between us. That was the very crucial and unexpected secret I learned about Ronny. We stayed together and worked out the details. It wasn't hard to forgive him when he expressed how horrible he felt over the whole thing. He admitted he was in the wrong and actually cried. That was enough for me. Some people would say that I'm gullible or something for being so forgivable over something a big a deal as making dirty movies without your lover's permission. I prefer being called "madly in love" than gullible, though. The "madly" part fits real well, too. Ronny told me all about the convention. He also explained how he knew to come home with such perfect timing. Well, he didn't intend on catching me in the act, but that was still really good timing. One of his friends he knew online was at the con using his instant messenger on a cell phone. When he told Ronny that the screen name that belonged to him was mysteriously logged on, my raccoon instantly made plans to come home. He took a taxi home. He said once he heard that he was logged on in his name, he had a bad feeling. It was a coincidence... maybe something more? I don't know. I just know I have him. I did mention things are a lot harder than they seem. They still are these days. For instance: this week, as we sat on the couch watching television, Ronny was making jabs at the acting like normal again, I scooted really close to him. Leaning up to his ear I whispered the simple words, "I want to do my favorite tonight..." When my paw reached down and felt around his boxers, I knew he was feeling the same thing I was. It's moments like those... that I know now things are a lot harder than they seemed before.
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