To the wars you make me wage on myself.
#5 of If I could be your chew-toy: Based on a True Story.
***Stupid Disclaimer Thingy***
Everything you see here, came from my brain. The characters, the scenery, the situations... Everything. Any coincidences like character similarities, name usages, or scenes are utterly just that. Coincidence. Nobody likes getting ripped off.
Also, this story contains romance, love, and graphic interaction between members of the same sex. not your bag? I request you leave. Nobody likes hate-spam.
Otherwise Enjoy It^^
***
She was right
You're toxic...
Like cigarettes...
You're addicting...
Like crack...
But the withdrawals just keep getting worse... I'm addicted to your toxicity.
"Felix?"
I looked at my best friend through the heated dark of my pillow.
"Why is your laptop on the floor?"
"My laptop isn't on the floor..."
"Okay," Alex picked up the shattered screen with caution. "Why is half of your laptop on the floor?"
"I don't want to talk about last night..." I lied. I wanted to scream and cry and rant to him about last night. The way that asshole has me wrapped perfectly around his finger...
~Aiden || says: Dude ya there? You haven't responded or anything...?
Feel-Hex says: Oh sorry... I was sort of playing video games...
Aiden || says: Ha ha no worries. So about Jenna?
Feel-Hex says: Yeah I can talk to her if you want.
Aiden || says: Oh my god dude you'd be my best friend evar!
Feel-Hex is now offline.
The shatter smashed remains of my laptop where as far off in my head as the sexual fantasy involving me
and womenâ€"
Okay maybe not that far, but I tried my best to just block it all out. I had never smashed anything before, let
alone take my anger out on a piece of machinery, but by the God I don't believe in did it ever feel GREAT.
"Oh my god dude, there's glass all over your freaking carpet..." Alex sighed as he flipped the switched to my light. "Ugh, and over here is half your keyboard!"
"I didn't need it, so it's not like it's going toâ€""
"Half your course work is submitted ONLINE!" He started to shout at me like it was my fault. "HOW do you
expect to get ANY of your work done now?"
I hadn't thought that far ahead. My body sort of acted on it's own when I lashed out against the world (the
world being my laptop). It was sort of one of those "shoot first then ask the dead guys questions later" type ‘o deals you see hotshots acting out in movies.
Bitchy thing is it always worked for them...
Me? Not so much.
"Oh my god what that fuck is your hard drive doing on your doorknob..."
***
It felt weird not having a female friend like Jenna to talk to this about. She would have been the first one I
would have called when something like this happened. My personal therapist on 24/7 speed-dial.
But now she's off probably fucking her boyfriend because she's so angry at me. Taking the rage out in sexual moans and thrusts that only end in regret and the urge to have a good long talk about it with a gay boy like me.
But no thanks. I'm off down towning alone for the first time since high school, hooking eyes on anyone who
could take my mind off how torn I am.
What's fucked up is I don't find a single fur attractive in my immediate vicinity. All I can see is Aiden, standing there ordering his latte in Star Bucks, or Aiden getting a burger at the McDonald's down the street. Or Aiden in his underwear in the window of a clothing store.
I let out a huge sigh, big enough to send Dorothy back to Kansas, giving one last glance around, trying
desperately to lower my standards to find ANYONE to at least ogle.
But there's no one. Just bears. Everywhere. All looking the same.
I reach in my pocket to pull out my phone, desperately wondering if I should at least text Aiden to see how
he's doing. Or try texting Jenna to see if she's out of bitch-mode yet. I go through the calculations in my head.
"Let's see... If I take the square root of how long its been, subtract the subtonic co-sign of how angry I made her, following up with the exponent of how angry I was, multiply that by my pride, then subtract by the need of her back... the answer would be..." I gave a sigh out loud, sipping my hot chocolate. "Not soon enough..."
If I text her this early in the game, she would win, get the achievement, and her argument score will be that
much higher then mine. Especially because none of it was my fault in the first place.
...right?
I threw my chin against the table, writhing in the uncertainty of my life to date. That's when a paw touched my shoulder.
"Hi there," Came his voice. A voice I immediately recognized for some reason.
"Nameless?" I groaned, still keeping my eyes peeled to the imperfections laminated into the wood. "What are you doing here?"
"This is my coffee place..." He chuckled as if I were the retarded one. Who knows. Maybe I was. "Question
is, what are YOU doing here and not in the Star Bucks across the street?"
"It hurts to go in there..." I replied with, surprised by my lack of embarrassment. "And I thought your coffee
place was the café on campus?"
"That's only when I have classes an hour away." He took the seat right in front of me. "THIS," He smiled as
he spanned the vicinity with his paws. "Is where everything happens, magically."
"Magically," I repeated, adding a sarcastic twist. "Magic doesn't exist, Nameless. It's just aâ€""
"Well obviously it doesn't exist dumbshit?" He cut me off. "I'm just trying to get a rise out of you, and seeing as I don't know you wellâ€""
"Your wasting your time..."
He paused like I pulled air from his lungs.
"Excuse me?"
"I don't exactly think I'm capable for having a "rise" lifted out of me nowadays," Was all I could back myself up with before the tiger pulled me up by my scruff.
"And why do you think that is, matey?" He looked me dead in the face, eyes burning for an answer.
"Because..." I replied with, feeling the weight of my head crush down on my windpipe. I didn't seem to mind, seeing as I couldn't exactly say what I needed to anyway.
Nameless let a few seconds pass by before he dropped me, letting my chin smack against the sugar shaker.
"This is about that guy, isn't it..." He growled at me.
I didn't reply. I just let the taste of blood fill my mouth before I met his gaze with my ears pinned against my
head.
"You never did tell me how your date thing went."
"It was magical..." I sighed, looking back down again, once again letting myself embrace the cascade of
remembrance. "Just the feeling of himâ€""
"What happened to "Magic doesn't exist"...?" He gave me a coy smile like he just outsmarted me again. Silly Felix... Tears are for Queers.
The words were ripped out of my gullet, suddenly replaced with hot defensive rage, which must have given
way to some facial twitch that tipped Nameless off. He immediately extended his arm and pinned my head,
locking me in place just as I moved to help myself up.
"I need you to listen to me," He whispered as I tried to struggle. Lately though, I guess, having my diet only consist of Mr. Noodles and vomit, I wasn't strong enough to stop him. "There's something about you that I can't put my finger on, but for some reason I like you. And that doesn't happen very often for me, so there's a little magic already for ya."
"Wait a second," I sputtered, closing my eyes to avoid fur from shedding into them. "You... Like me?"
The thought of someone else liking me the same time I liked someone else seemedâ€"
"Don't twist my words, faggot, I'm straight, okay? Get that piece of shit through your mind right now."
â€"nevermind.
"Forgive me...ugh... for not really understanding what's going on," I spoke as I tried to struggle. "Your sort
of... heh... cutting off the blood to my... ugh... brain, ya know?"
He released his grip on me slightly. Just enough for me to breath without feeling a sharp twinge in my neck.
Still no amount of flailing would make him let go though...
"What is it that you want?!" I asked, desperately trying to not sound desperate. "I mean I'm just sitting here,
wallowing in my own self-pitty, when you take it upon yourself to say "Hey! I know this faggot! I'm gonna GO STRANGLE HIM FOR A SEC!?"
It was then that he let go of me. My head flew up like a jack-in-the-box that hadn't been opened in decades. I felt my neck for bruising and the like and caught Namless staring at me with emerald eyes.
"Whatâ€""
"I apologize for calling you a faggot, first of all," He cautiously growled at me. "But it sickens me when furs all over the place think they can just sit there because ONE thing went wrong and let their world burn because of it."
"Hey I'm not lettingâ€""
"I'm not finished," He sounded just like my father. Which pissed me off. A lot.
"I don't FUCKING care," I shot up again, this time hitting my knees on the table before feeling my legs give out and collapse me.
The next few seconds happened on my fingertips and ears only.
*BUMP*
*SLIDE*
*RIP*
*SCREAM*
*THUMP*
*THUMP*
*SMASH SMASH SM-S-SMA-S-SMASH*
And after it all happened I felt liquid heat embrace my back in a burning fire that made my body feel like it was melting. My eyes opened, surveying the seven broken coffee mugs that had smashed around me, all mixed together under my corpse to form a fondue for cooking my fur.
"Don't," Nameless said as I tried to help myself up. He extended a paw to help me, and I gritted my teeth as I felt the steaming hot brew slide down my back and drip down my shorts. "We're going for a ride," He said as he helped me sit back down in my chair. "I have things you need to hear."
"But..." I whimpered, shaking as coffee mug after coffee mug broke inside my head. "I just sat down..."
***
The lights surveyed past me in streamers rather then actual bulbs sitting on a street corner. It was silent
inside the cab as the engine hummed in the act of speeding.
I looked for a radio knob to "Accidentally" tap, but nothing of the sort lay in the dashboard.
"How about we listen toâ€"" I chuckled nervously turning towards the determined tiger in the drivers seat.
"My radio was ripped off," He growled, gripping his steering wheel harder and harder as each second ticked by. "Fucking figures. No wonder I can't have nice things..."
*Buzz buzz*
My cell phone went off in my pocket, making me jump before adjusting myself in my seat.
"Probably Alex wondering where I am," I thought, trying to reach into my pocket without rubbing the burns on my back. And absent-minded twinge against the seat fabric, though, sent my entire body in a convulsion held back by my seat-belt.
My phone didn't come easy. I had to adjust, re-adjust, wiggle, squirm, and barrel-roll, before I could wrench it out of my pant's pocket. And even then I still wanted to kill myself from the pain.
"We should take you to a hospital," Nameless sighed, staring through the corner of his eye. The break in
character, almost deterred me from checking my inbox. I was frozen. A little disturbed mixed with a sudden
terror that I might be driving with a schizophrenic. But something kept my thumb going, brushing up under the screen with the claw.
The screen shone bright, cutting through the night air of the cabin straight into my pupils.
"Damnit!" I growled as I tried my hardest not to squint, but my eyes had more power over that then I'd
expected. The curiosity was killing me, and my face wouldn't stay open long enough so I could read.
My patience was wearing thin as Nameless probably sat driving, keeping his laughter down like a guard
watching a prison cell. I could feel him glance at me, which mixed into the annoyance I felt and the pain peeling away at my back.
"Oh my god..." I gasped as soon as my eyes focused enough to see the sender.
"What is it?" Nameless asked me.
"Take me home," I said sharply.
"I can't do that," Nameless sighed like he was my father or something. "You really have toâ€""
"Take... me..." I was trying to hold back whatever it was that was caught in my throat. "...home..."
"I can'tâ€"" Nameless tried to get out before he heard the door open and shut. He was going 80 down the
highway a couple miles out of town, and the wolf that was sitting in his passenger seat was no longer there.
***
The next few moments sort of whited out like bad cable. The night faded away into something deeper than a dream and all that was left was that name beeping around in black.
Aiden.
I hadn't read what he said. I hadn't even put the thought through my head that it could have been good. That my dreams might have actually come true. For once...
It just hurt. Like a needle through my heart.
No.
That doesn't even describe...
Like a million needles that were magnetically attracted to each other, so when they impacted, they'd all suck together, ripping holes, and tearing in until all that was left were shreds.
That doesn't cut it either...
All I know is... it hurt. Unbearably so.
Then fluorescents pounded into my skull. Had I know it was eight days later, I probably would have shit
myself right then. But the fact that Alex was by my side throughout the whole thing made me smile, even though it hurt my face.
It was actually him I saw first, slumped over in a chair snoring his muzzle off. He looked like he hadn't taken a shower in a couple days, patches of his fur was matted, and he was drooling.
It was magnificent.
I wanted to hug him like I hadn't jumped out of a car more then a week ago. And that's when it all came back. The split second of exhaling that seemed like time stood still before smacking into the pavement like a basketball of fur.
Let me tell you for the record right now. If your not flying into a downhill ditch, that tuck and roll shit does NOT
work...
After that seemed blank. Just the name flashing in green around black. Like it was on an alarm clock or
something.
Aiden...
The breeze almost whispered it as I checked around for my phone. That's when I really became aware of my injuries. My arm was in a cast, my back has dressings on it. My left ankle was braced, and there were bandages wrapped around my forehead.
"What the fuck did I get in to..." I sighed, trying to sit up. It surprised me how delightfully painless I was, and as I looked around for my phone I tried comprehending the cocktail of pain meds I was on.
"Hey you're awake," It was Alex's grizzled voice. It sounded like he hadn't spoken in over a year. Or he had
spoken so much his vocal chords had bullet holes in them. Either way, it sounded like music. "How do you feel?"
"Pretty good," I replied as happy as I could sound. "Have you seen my phone?"
"Your phone?" Alex kept a smile on his face as he stood. "You want your phone, do you?" He walked with a
creepily symmetrical step, like he was walking a grid pattern. Everything reflected everything else. That is, until he raised his arms up, aiming for my neck. "DO YOU FUCKING REALIZE THE GRIEF YOU PUT ME THROUGH?! DO YOU?! I SHOULD STRANGLE YOU FOR THIS SHIT?! FUCKING PUT US BOTH OUT OF OURâ€""
So I hugged him. And he shut up, hugging me back.
Bitch, that's what I thought.
"Seriously dude... my phone?"
"Imma kill you... Right here... With this tube thing I pulled out of your bed..."
***
My professors weren't happy. No siree... I knew this because I got a visit from each of them to assess the
situation.
From my journalism major prof, I got a stern talking to, a report to get me to watch the news, and editing for a month.
From History, I got about the same, plus a gift basket and some Tylenol 3's. That shit is exclusive... It's love.
From my Program prof, I got a smack in the head, and lecture on why teenagers are the stupidest things to walk this earth, a bouquet of flowers, and her favorite book, which isn't bad for a romance novel. (There's not enough cock in it though... Mainly boob descriptions and girls fingering themselves to pictures of their lusty lovers. This is why I think, and always have thought, she is a lesbian).
And finally from my Fields prof, I got a high five, a copy of national geographic, and a snickers bar he bought me in the waiting room.
But I still didn't get my fucking phone. Legend has it I smashed it while I was becoming road-pizza, but I don't believe that. I think it's in Alex's naughty drawer next to the fuzzy hand-cuffs, but I won't be able to check that out for another two weeks...
Which is okay, I guess I needed a break from college anyway. From Aiden, Alex... life...
Jenna didn't even visit me. Not yet anyway. I would have blamed it on ignorance. I mean, how was she supposed to know I jumped out of a jeep head-first?
But Alex told me she was the first person he called before he left. He said she sounded distressed, but was too busy with school work and her boyfriend to care.
I don't blame her though. I'd probably throw the apple sauce they feed me in her face as she walked in, and the fact that she'd be using her cell phone would freak me out, just because I heard that the signals fuck with the heart monitors and shit.
Oh well... I guess I can consider our friendship gone to the dogs.
Even though I would have visited her. In a heartbeat, I would have.
That's when the door opened. I was flipping the pages of my National Geographic, looking for and hint of nudity in the less self-conscious tribes in Africa.
A bear caught my eye, holding up a box of chocolates.
"Hey," He smiled.
And my world plummeted once again.
***
Part 5, errybody. lol
Yeah, so I hope your enjoying this series. It's getting pretty fun to write, although it sort of sucks remembering hard times. But that's what experience is, is it not? Getting through hard times, reflecting on it, and writing a furry novelization to really drive it home?
I feel like I'm making it too comical. Maybe because it's me, and I like poking fun at the dumbass situations I get into. What do you guys think? Is it enjoyable? Too much? Not enough maybe?
Maybe someone should die =D?!
lol. then again... maybe not xD
=Pup