The Graves
"Do you think she'd ever remember us?" Tammi groans, looking down onto her mother's grave, her ears drooped downward as a tear bounces off her whiskers.
"I'm not sure. I mean, if there's an afterlife, maybe she does. Maybe she's with us right now," replies Kyle, petting Tammi softly, "Mom is okay, either way. Remember what she used to tell us?"
"Yeah... 'Nothing lasts forever, little kitties, but my love for you breaks that rule.' She'd say it all the time." Tammi sighs and stands, her tail limp and dragging on the ground. Looking to her brother, she looks over his patchy brown fur. "You're filthy..."
"Yeah, I guess so," Kyle purrs, "I've been kind of out of it... guess I forgot to bathe."
"It's affecting you - you can't hold it in..." Tammi meows gently, "Please... tell me how you really feel."
"I'm not sure how I feel, okay?" Kyle chuckles nervously, rubbing a paw behind his head, "Jeeze..."
Tammi brushes the dirt from her orange fur and stands up from the grave, "If you need to cry..."
Kyle sighs, getting irritated, "I don't need to cry, okay?" he scowls, "Look, you're making me mad, let's just... do what we came here to do."
"Kyle, this is Mom... you could at least show a little respect... or maybe a little love?"
"You're saying I don't feel bad? Look... I am devastated. Just because I'm not sobbing like a kitten doesn't mean I don't love Mom!" Kyle growls, "I'm a little pissed at her for favoring you all these years, but she was my mother, too! Of course I miss her!"
"Favoring? You think I was the favorite? Kyle... you got all the special treatment!" Tammi argues, "Look... okay... let's both calm down..."
"No... you're accusing me of not caring about our dead mother!" Kyle shouts, "This was a terrible idea..."
"Kyle, please... let's just..."
"I'm going home. Telling me I don't care... man... screw you, Tammi. Leave me alone."
Tammi watches as her brother angrily walks out of the graveyard, his ears pressed against his skull. Tammi looks down to her mother's grave and again, begins to cry.
"I'm sorry, Mama... Kyle's just... really, really upset. He misses you just as much as I do. I know you never really favorited one of us over the other. Sibling rivalry, you know?" Tammi sniffles, placing a white and red rose over her mother's grave. "Nothing lasts forever, Mama... but my love for you will break that rule."
Kyle sits alone at the kitchen table, stirring a cup of cocoa with a slender, thin straw. Looking into the cup, he watches the chocolate powder slowly turn to mush and mud, soon turning into a brown, hot, flavorful mixture of boiling water and cocoa.
"I feel like that... I feel like... mud," Kyle mumbles to himself, stirring his cocoa. Finally taking a sip, he allows the cocoa to slowly travel down his throat, coating his stomach in a warm, chocolatey comfort from the inside, causing his fur to stand just slightly. Soon his bliss is interrupted by Tammi entering the room, clinking dishes as she steps toward the sink.
The faucet squeaks as the hot water knob is turned; the sloshing of the sponge inside the glass Tammi washes is loud. Kyle can almost hear every bubble popping in the glass. As he takes an irritated sip of his cocoa, he feels himself shaking.
"Can you just be quiet?" Kyle snaps.
"Kyle... what? I'm just washing my dishes!"
"Yeah, but you gotta do it so loud?!" Kyle presses his ears against his skull, "I mean, seriously..."
"Kyle... it's okay to be upset about Mom, but taking it out on..."
"I'm not taking anything out on anyone! God! Can't you just leave me alone!? All you do is pick and pry! Ugh... you know, I'm _jealous_of Mom! She got to get away from you!" Kyle stands, abandoning his cocoa and leaving the kitchen, huffing up the stairs and slamming his bedroom door.
Tammi's heart sinks, "That's not... true... it's not my fault..." she sniffles, a tear escaping. "Mom... I wish you were still here."
Kyle lays on his bed, his face buried in his pillows. Why did I say that? Maybe I am pretty pissed. I mean... how could she just leave? Doesn't she know I loved her, too? I know I was a little shit sometimes, but... I loved her. I loved my mother, too. Kyle grits his teeth and rolls onto his back, allowing his tail to flop freely to the ground. If Dad were still around, would he care? I know male cats don't stick around when they make a family but... I'm going to be different. I won't be like dad.
Kyle jumps when he hears a soft knocking on his door. "Kyle... Kyle, can I come in a sec?"
"No." Kyle groans.
"O-okay... well um... can you listen for a sec?" Tammi says, waiting for a reply that never comes. "Um... what you said down there... that wasn't okay." Tammi leans her back against the door, holding her paws to her chest. "I miss Mom as much as you do... and... I know for a fact that... she didn't pass away to 'get away' from either of us. She was sick, Kyle. The reality of it... is... she was sick... and the sickness got bad... and she passed away."
"I get it, Tammi..." Kyle says, feeling guilty.
"I just... wanted to let you know that what you said hurt me. No amount of hating me or hurting me will bring Mom back...so... you might as well just... not do it."
"Tammy!" Kyle shouts, scrambling to stand from his bed, heading to his door and whipping it open, "One minute you're telling me to let out how I feel, the next you're telling me to cram it all inside! Pick one! Pick one already or just leave me alone!"
"Stop yelling at me, Kyle! You're acting just like Dad! When you're ready to talk to me responsibly, I'll be here, but 'til then you're on your own, Kitten!" Tammi shouts back, scolding under her breath.
"You're the kitten here!" Kyle scolds, slamming his door and leaning against it, facing his bed. "Damn it!" he shouts, picking up a video game controller from the floor and throwing it as hard as he can at his bed. "Fuck this!"
Kyle slowly slides his back down the door and rests his head against it. Mom... this isn't real. You're not gone, and I'm nothing like Dad. This is all just a bad dream, isn't it? If there is a God... why is he doing this to me?
Kyle rests his head against his door, groaning and fighting back tears. His heart throbs painfully in his chest and his lungs tighten as he fights the urge to cry. Mom... why now? Why did you leave me now? I need you. His stomach churns as his veins carry waves of guilt and pain throughout his body. He can feel his neck tightening and his nose stinging. I'm not going to cry. I'm gonna get over it. I'm not letting this get to me... I have to be strong, now.
_ _
_ _
_ _ The sunlight beams through Kyle's window, shining down on the splendor that is his filthy room. As his carpet heats up from the sun's rays, the room gets warm. The humidity rising is enough to wake Kyle, making him feel instantly warm and bothered by the heat.
A soft knocking sounds at his door again. Tammi opens it a bit, feeling Kyle's weight against the door. "Kyle? Kyle, why are you on the floor?"
"I guess I fell asleep... what do you want?" Kyle asks, yawning.
"Well, I made some breakfast with what was left in the house. I got paid last night so... we'll need to go shopping today," Tammi says, "Anything special you'd want for lunch or dinner tonight?"
"Not that I can think of... give me a minute, I'll be right out, kay?" Kyle groans.
"Alright... see you in a bit, then," Tammi closes Kyle's door, walking away and leaving him to himself.
Kyle slowly and sluggishly stands up, stretching out his stiff, tingling limbs. Note to self... the bed is softer.
After getting dressed and exiting his room, Kyle meets his sister in the kitchen. On the table are two plates, each with two pancakes and four small sausage links next to them. The butter dish and syrup bottle are on the table waiting next to some napkins and even two glasses of ice-cold milk. Kyle sits down and immediately begins to eat.
"We always pray before meals, Kyle... you know that," Tammi interrupts.
"I don't anymore," Kyle says bitterly, chewing on a fat sausage link, "I don't see the point."
"Oh... well... uh... okay, then," Tammi says, lowering her head and closing her eyes, praying silently. Soon, she lifts her head and begins slowly eating.
"How can you? The same 'God' that loved us so, so much stole our mother, made our dad leave us, and loves watching us be poor and in pain. I don't want to be loyal to that kind of tyrant!" Kyle scolds.
"Don't disrespect God in front of me, please," Tammi asks calmly, "I have a right to believe in whatever makes me feel whole and comfortable. You don't have to, but you do have to let me believe in whatever I want."
"I just don't see the point of it," Kyle scowls.
"I do. Sometimes bad stuff happens, but that's just part of life, Kyle."
"Remember that then. When something bad happens, oh-fucking-well, right?" Kyle snips.
"Jeeze, not at the table, what would Mom say?"
"Who knows? She's dead now. She doesn't say or feel or do anything anymore, Tammi... fuck's sake."
"Kyle!" Tammi scolds, hissing, "That's enough!"
Kyle, without a word, angrily stands, scooting his chair halfway across the dining room. Throwing his fork to the middle of the table, it bounces and slides to the floor while he storms out the back door, slamming the door upon his leave.
Tammi sniffles as she pushes her plate away slowly, crossing her arms and lowering her head. Her whiskers soon become damp, as does the fur around her eyes. Her tail flops to the floor as her ears droop, weak and timid.
Why is he acting this way? He's clearly mad at God... please don't be mad at him, God... Kyle is just going through a tough time... I can't... help him. Tammi sobs silently, catching her breath as she sniffles. She lifts her head slowly and takes a deep breath, slowly standing to clean up the mess in the kitchen.
Kyle looks up at the sky - the colors changing from pale blue to a soft orange, overtaking the sky and creating pastels of oranges and purples. Sighing, Kyle looks down at his feet, putting his hands in his jeans pockets. His daydreaming is interrupted the moment he hears sirens. Spinning around, he sees an ambulance zip past him, speeding down the road in the direction of his block.
Kyle shrugs it off, thinking the neighbor must have fallen again. Seriously, I mean being old is one thing, but being stubborn... how many times have we told Ms. Nolan to take it easy on the stairs? She's not exactly stable. He walks up to the block and sees the ambulance's flashing lights. I should at least see if she's alright.
As Kyle comes closer to his home, he does indeed see Ms. Nolan, but she isn't the one in the stretcher. Kyle's heart drops and immediately, he rushes to the ambulance.
Ms. Nolan, an old, gray tabby stops Kyle from getting too much closer. "Hold on now... it's too bad to see, Honey."
"Let me go! What happened?!" Kyle panics, "Why are they at our house?!"
"Honey, calm down, it's alright," Ms. Nolan purrs, petting Kyle to calm him down.
"No! Let go of me!" Kyle hisses, breaking free from the tabby cat's grasp and approaching the stretcher.
"Do you know this cat?" the ambulance driver asks, her ears back in stress with a white mask over her face.
"Yes! That's my..." Kyle pulls the blanket down from the cat's face to see that it's a young boy, his lip is bleeding and his arm looks a bit mangled, possibly broken. "Wait..." Kyle sighs in relief, "N-no... No, I'm sorry... I thought this was someone else... I've never seen this kitten before..."
"Step aside, then, please," says the ambulance woman, lifting the stretcher into the back of the ambulance.
"Kyle!" Tammi calls, running up to her brother, "Kyle, oh my goodness... I thought that was you in that stretcher when I came out to see!"
"Ugh, I thought it was you." Kyle sighs, hugging his sister tightly, "I'm really sorry, Tammi..."
"Hush now. You're fine; we're safe," Tammi whispers, consoling her older brother with a sweet, soft tone, "I'm just glad you're okay."
The cats watch as the ambulance drives away. The screaming sirens slowly fade away as the truck drives further, turning left and speeding off to the hospital. Kyle watches as Ms. Nolan slowly hobbles her way up her steps, entering her home without another peep.
"Come on inside... you were gone around lunch time, but we can make some supper," Tammi says, turning around to head inside.
Kyle follows her inside, closing the door carefully behind him. He looks at the kitchen - it's spotless. Tammi keeps such a clean kitchen. Kyle can't help but feel guilty for the mess he'd made earlier.
"Tammi... can we talk?" Kyle asks, sitting down at the kitchen table.
"Sure... what's going on? Is it about earlier?" Tammi asks, placing a paw on her brother's.
"Well, kind of. I mean, it's related... look, I'm just really... sorry. I miss Mom. I really miss her..." Kyle says, allowing a tear to fall down his cheek.
"Oh, Kyle... it's okay. It's okay to cry..."
"It's not the crying I'm worried about... I just... I don't know. There's so much left unsaid and done with Mom and... and Dad's never around and..."
Tammi interrupts with a gentle touch to Kyle's shoulder, "It's okay. You and me? We're still a little family. We're broken up, sure... but we love each other."
"I know I'm such a pain to you, but... I do love ya, Sis..." Kyle says, wiping his tears away, "I just... the whole God stuff, the death and... it's all too much for me right now."
"That's okay, Kyle. Really. If you don't want to pray, don't. Only do something you feel comfortable doing. I'm sorry if anything I did upset you." Tammi says softly, "Do you want to go see Mom?"
Kyle tunes the world out for only a moment. Time stops as memories of his mother zip through his mind like a flip book animation. The time his mother held him when he cried over a patch of fur being scraped off his knee. The time she would make his favorite warm milk. The time that she let herself go a little bit and her pudgy belly would always be there for him to hug and be hugged by.
"Yeah... yeah I think so. I have some things I... y-y'know... I gotta say goodbye... n' whatever..." Kyle's voice grows distant as his thoughts grow louder. What do I even say? Wouldn't it be like praying? Is there a point? She won't be able to hear me... besides... the last thing I ever said to Mom was "what do you know about what's best" before storming out of the house.
_ _ "Hey", Tammi says, placing a paw on Kyle's shoulder, "It's going to be alright. Mom has always loved us, Kyle... no matter what we said or did, she's our mother."
Kyle nods, looking at his feet and noticing his sister's walking away. He looks up, watching Tammi head over to the vase in the kitchen window. She plucks a rose from the vase and opens a drawer in the kitchen counter. From the drawer, Tammi pulls out a roll of white ribbon and snips a strand off, tying the ribbon into a nice bow on the stem of the red rose.
"Are you going there now?" Kyle asks.
"Yes," Tammi replies, hopeful. "Did you want to come with me? I'm sure now is a perfect time."
"Actually, yeah... I think I'll go this time," Kyle says, following his sister out of the house and to the car.
Driving toward the cemetery, Kyle can feel his heart sinking. He sees the beginning signs of the cemetery: headstones dotting a well-groomed field, laced with an iron fence to separate its sanctity from the rest of society. The ghost-city of the town looks rather peaceful, well kept, and very neat. The trees look as if they are sculpted just to fit the peacefulness of this place, but Kyle knows it was all coincidence. Many things in his life had been chalked up to coincidence, but something inside him today feels like maybe his mother just wants him to know that she is okay.
Pulling up a small, narrow path, Tammi drives slowly, often looking from the path to the rose on the dashboard to make sure that it's safe and not wilting.
"It's fine, Tammi. The rose is alright," Kyle half-smiles, "I'll hold onto it, okay?"
Tammi nods, slowing the car to a stop as they get out of the car, marching up a small hill and approaching a lone tombstone. Kyle looks down and sees the intricately made tombstone, engraved in calligraphy: "Here Lies Renee Shera, loving mother of two. May her smile brighten the Heavens as much as it brightened the Earth."
Her birthdate and death date were a bit smudged, but the cats could barely notice through the tears in their eyes. Tammi looks to Kyle and reaches out for the rose, but Kyle doesn't hand it over.
"I need to do this one... please?" Kyle asks quietly.
"Oh... sure, Kyle... take your time," Tammi says quietly, sitting on the ground before her mother's grave, her tail neatly across her lap.
Kyle looks down and allows a tear to fall down his face. As it lands on the rose, Kyle takes a deep breath in, sighing longingly, steadying his staggering breath.
"Mom... I... man, I don't even know how to do this," Kyle groans softly, taking another deep breath and letting it out slowly, "I've been... a huge shit to you. I mean... I've been probably the worst son in the world, and lately... I've been the worst brother. But uh... M-Mom... I really miss you... I really wish you didn't have to go. If I could take back the last couple years, I would... and... maybe I'd do it all right that time."
Tammi looks up at Kyle, noticing his expression - it's serious. Tammi smiles a bit, realizing that Kyle is actually speaking from his heart.
"I'm so pissed... I'm pissed off at God - if he exists... I'm pissed off at myself, and I'm even a little pissed at you, you know... for leaving. But..." Kyle stops and sniffles, kneeling at his mother's grave, "But I know that not everything can go my way. I think I can accept that."
"That's beautiful, Kyle," Tammi smiles faintly.
"Mom... I just... I love you. I miss you. Wherever you are... I just hope you're happy and loving your new life, I mean... if there is one. Um... I love you, Mom." Kyle places the rose on his mother's grave and smiles, goosebumps crawling beneath his fur. He listens to his mother's voice in his head saying, "Nothing lasts forever, little kitties, but my love for you breaks that rule."