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Running. I'm running. We, are running. My mind is racing, body screaming at me. But my heart is ripping, so I turn around.

I see a monster. Orange, glowing eyes all over its body, lighting up the night. It wants to eat me. I want to run to it. But we are running away. My heart is ripping.

_ _

***************

I woke up, and sucked in a huge lungful of air. My heart was beating almost painfully fast in my chest. My eyes darted around the room, but it was more reflex than anything else. I knew there'd be nothing there.

I had only barely lifted my head up, and immediately dropped myself back down again. I reached over to my drawer and lifted my phone, wincing from the light as I checked time. 3:13a.m. Still early enough that I could try and fall asleep again.

My hand reached toward my neck, pulling out my necklace from underneath my shirt. I'd started wearing it to bed every night. It helped calm me down. Every night.

The smooth red half sphere felt familiar under my fingers, the jagged bottom, the single curling spike poking out and the matching hole poking inward. Plenty of times it'd poke my hand, if I was thoughtless, but never enough to bleed from. For all its sharpness though, it never seemed to hurt me in my sleep, even when I rolled over it. Which was good. I was having enough trouble sleeping as it was.

I closed my eyes, still rubbing my fingers on the red surface, trying to call back sleep. And even though I knew it was childish, I couldn't help wishing someone was on the bed with me, comforting me, letting me know there weren't any giant glowing monsters underneath my bed.

***************

I had to keep running.

The trees flew past me, and the air rushed in my ears and over my fur as I ran past it, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't run fast enough. I still couldn't reach him.

My legs were burning. It was impossible to keep going, but I couldn't lose him, not again.

Then my leg slipped, the dirt underneath my shoe giving way. I caught myself with my other leg, pushing forward, but that was the last of the energy I had. My pace started slowing down as my body gave up the fight. Ahead of me, the Otter moved further away until he disappeared behind the clutter of trees.

I stopped, resting my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. Catching up with Roy was hopeless. The leaves rattled around me as a gust of wind fluttered through the park trees. Through the gaps the late sun shone bright and yellow.

This is the part where someone runs up beside me. "Come on," he smiles. "You have to be faster than that."

"Just...give me a minute," I tell him.

"No way," he says, already starting to move past me. "I know you can do it, come on!"

So with one final full breathe, I reluctantly start chasing after him. He lets me catch up, keeping pace with me as he leads me all around through the trees, occasionally making me jump over things or run uphill. I know he's making it challenging for me on purpose, so I do everything I can to keep up. It's not until he runs up to the water that I start to second guess it all. Without missing a beat he dives right in. I stop at the shore.

"I can't swim," I call out.

I'm not sure if he calls out "Oh well," "Do you trust me?" or pretends not to hear. I consider running along the shore, but that won't last long. So instead I close my eyes, take a deep breathe, and dive in after him.

This is the part where a cool rush of wind envelopes me, ruffling the fur on my cheek and everywhere else. Once I'm able to breathe again I start walking in the direction Roy had gone.

I tried to push the hair back out of my eyes, part of me happy that it had started growing back. But it was still too short for it to do anything else besides fall back into place and poke at my eyes. The sun wasn't unbearably bright though, so that was okay. And the air was cool and refreshing. Overall a really great day for running.

After a good long walk, I found the Otter sitting near a drinking fountain on the grass. He looked like he had already caught his breath, so he must have had been here for a while. I'd been running with him for a month now, but he was still so much faster than me.

"About time you caught up," he laughed.

"Hey," I countered, "I kept up with you a lot longer this time. I'm proud of myself."

He shrugged. "I guess a bad runner can be proud of a mediocre run."

"You know what, maybe I'll go find someone else to start running with."

"Like who, a snail?"

"You are...You know what? Yes. I would honestly rather be running with a snail right now."

"Sorry," he laughed. "Running puts me in a good mood.

"I can tell."

He sprawled out on his back, and I sat down beside him. My mouth opened and suddenly we were both yawning in unison. "It really does though," he said. "I don't know. Maybe it's the adrenaline or something."

"Yeah," I agreed. "It really does feel good. I'm sooo glad I started running with you."

"Yeah. It's nice having someone to run with." Roy had told me that he didn't usually have anyone, since most of his running friends either had class, work, or girlfriends whenever he was free. "Plus now you don't have to be a third wheel all the time."

I made a face. "It is kind of nice," I admitted. "Not that I don't like being around them. But yeah, I guess, it is kind of nice not feeling like I'm intruding all the time."

"No, I get it," he said. "Although as far as couples go, they're not really bad at all. Some of my friends, man, when there with their girlfriends it's like, I can't even talk to them."

"They spend more time breathing each other's breathes than oxygen?"

"Exactly!" Roy said, and we both laughed. "That was good. You're funny man."

"Thanks," I smiled. "I do my best."

"Yeah, I don't know. I guess I've always just been more of a loner type."

"Really?" I asked, genuinely surprised. The thought was strange to me, especially considering how social and easy to talk to he seemed to be.

"Yeah. You know, like, I've always had a lot of friends, but never really any best friends, you know?"

"Oh. That's weird."

"Is it?"

"Well yeah. But maybe because I'm the opposite. Most of my friends are more Max's or Cynthia's friends than mine. I've only really had best friends."

"That's cool," he nods. "That's probably better, actually. Actually, hanging out with you guys has probably been a lot more fun for me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I like you guys," he smiled. "Even if you suck at running."

"You've ruined the moment."

He laughed. "Nah, you are getting better though."

Two other runners went passed us, and I found myself staring longer than I should have.

"What's up?" Roy asked. "Think they look hot?"

"Shut up," I laughed, still watching them go. "...Do they look familiar to you?"

"What?" He looked over, but they were already disappearing into the distance. "Didn't think so, why?"

"Hm. I don't know, thought they did. Anyway."

"Maybe you've seen them on the bus too."

"What?"

"Don't you remember when we first met?" Roy asked.

"Yeah. The club." The Kandy House. That day when we were attacked by that crazy Cat lady who owned the place. I had found Roy by following a trail of shiny red things on the floor. As if anything else about me made sense. "We talked about candy."

"Yeah. And I had said you looked familiar, and it was because I had seen you on the bus."

"Oh, right. And then Max got you're number and it all went downhill from there."

"What a jerk," he laughed.

I pulled out my phone to check the time. The day was slowly crawling toward the last edges of afternoon, but as usual I was in no hurry to leave the park.

"Looking at his message again?" the Otter asked with a smirk.

"No," I answered, making a face at him. Although the temptation to look was there, now that he had brought it up. But the wind blew through our fur, and for whatever reason I decided to leave it alone for now.

Roy didn't though.

"Are you gonna ask him out yet?"

"You know," I said, "when I expanded my friendship beyond just Max, I thought that would mean less badgering and teasing."

"Come on Todd," he laughed. "It's not teasing. We just wanna see you happy."

"What about you?" I asked, trying to move the focus off of me. Something about hearing him say that made me uneasy. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"I'm more of a lover than a settle downer, if you know what I mean."

"Gross."

"Would you be less grossed out if it was with other guys?"

"No."

He laughed again, until it turned into a yawn. "So...have you heard from any more schools?"

***************

Sitting. It's warm. It's cold.

I'm sitting next to someone, shoulders touching. There are so many trees. I don't know where my hands are. My tail moves lazily at my side.

I feel vibrations in my throat, and I know I'm talking, but I can't hear what I'm saying. He says something back, and I can't make out any words, or even the sound much. We're just sitting. Talking. My head tilts softly to the side, and the whole world lurches in my eyes...

_ _

***************

I sat up so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. It took me a moment to realize I was making a noise, and I quickly stopped it, hoping my family hadn't heard. My breathing was labored, and my whole body felt like it was clenching, like it was trying to hold onto something.

It had been such a simple dream, peaceful even. It didn't make any sense for me to be freaking out like this. But my whole body felt jittery, and the longer I stayed still the worse my insides started to feel. So I got up and paced around my room, but it wasn't helping, so instead I quietly walked through the living room past my sleeping sister Leah, and out our front door.

The apartment building hallway was empty as I passed through it, glad that ours was right next to the front door. Outside there was just enough light to see by, but it was clear the sun hadn't quite officially risen yet. A lone car passed by, but other than that the streets are empty.

I sat myself down on the steps, breathing in the cold morning air. Being outside helped. I could feel my body beginning to relax. But even after I had seemed to calm down, I could feel that clenching feeling, and realized it wasn't my body that was tensed. It was my mind.

I tried to bring the dream back, to see if I could figure out what had upset me so much. All I could remember though was sitting next to someone. Someone I knew, definitely, but at the same time not anyone I could recall. We were talking, I think, but I wasn't sure. Nothing about the dream was very clear. Then it all just kind of fell apart.

I sat outside until the yellow light of the sun managed to peak over the buildings. The clenching feeling faded, but in the wrong way. It didn't relax, it just felt lesser and lesser, like whatever it was holding onto was slipping through its grip like sand, until there was nothing to hold. I don't know why it bothered me so much. Maybe because instead of feeling better, it just felt like it had gone numb.

Back inside the hallway, right across from our door, were the mailbox compartments for the entire building. Almost absent mindedly I wondered if anyone checked the mail yesterday. Because I couldn't remember seeing any, and because I didn't feel like going back to my room just yet, I decided to sneak back inside our apartment for a moment and grab the key. It slid neatly into the keyhole, allowing me to turn it and open the mailbox with only a quiet groan.

The sizable envelope had a crease in the middle, probably where the mailman had to fold it so it would slide in through the opening. My nerves started to rise up all over again as I pulled it and a few others out. After taking a moment to wonder if I should open the letter inside or out here, I remembered that Leah was still asleep, so I could probably get into my room without anyone noticing.

I opened the door slowly, poking my head inside to make sure she was still lying quietly on the couch before walking in. I quickly left the rest of the mail on the kitchen table before reaching for my door knob.

"Todd?"

The sound of her voice made me jump. I turned to my right, seeing my mother standing in the doorframe of my parent's room. Her eyes moved down to the large envelope in my hands.

"Is that..."

"Yeah," I answered.

She looked up at me, giving me a small, encouraging smile. "Good luck," she said.

"Thanks," I smiled back. We both pretended not to notice how worried the other one was.

I closed the bedroom door behind me, resisting the urge to lock it. I sat on my bed and read the fancy label on the front of the envelope.University of Reynard was written in black, swirly letters, surrounded by maroon and orange highlights. I thought my hands would be shaking, but they were fluid and steady as my fingers carefully tore the seal open and pulled out the papers inside. There wasn't any time after that to hesitate. My eyes reflexively started scanning the top of the letter, looking for those first words that would tell me everything.

_ "Dear Todd Greytail, We regret to inform you that..."_

My mother didn't need to ask what the letter had said. It was obvious when I didn't leave my room. It was the third rejection in a row.

***************

"...So, the graph should look like this?"

"Yeah, except..." I checked the answer in the back of the book, "...it should have a hole in it at two."

"What?" Max groaned. "How? I didn't get that."

He looked over the problem again, groaning loudly. His mood as a whole seemed to be slowly declining lately.

The three of us, Me, Max, and Cynthia, were at Max's house. Me and the Panther were sprawled out over his bed, our math homework laid out in front of us as Cynthia sat at a desk, quietly working on an essay. Finals were coming up fast, and none of us felt particularly ready.

As if to make the point, Max yawned loudly. "How's your sleeping been Todd?"

I looked up from my papers, staring instead out his second floor window. "...Still waking up most nights."

He grumbled and rolled onto his back, refusing to look back at the equations on his paper. "Well, I think whatever you have might be contagious," he said, yawning again. "I keep waking up so tired."

He had made that joke before, but each time he seemed a bit more serious, which started making me wonder. Maybe it was some sort of virus in my brain or something. Of course, that thought just made me nervous. I didn't want to have doctors poke and prod at me again.

"You're just really stressing over these finals," I replied.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Definitely. Damnit."

He rubbed at his eyes, groaning. He really was stressing out way too much. "Don't worry about it," I told him. "You already got accepted into a few schools right?"

"Only if I pass all my classes," he replied. "Ugh. It's so stupid."

I looked back at the equation on the page, trying to remember how to simplify the problem to find the limit, but it just reminded me how hard it had been paying attention in class lately. And then that just made me yawn so hard I needed to wipe the tears out of my eyes.

"Have you heard back from any of them yet?" he asked, though the actual question was, am I still getting rejected by all of them.

"Nothing good yet, no."

We were quiet for another moment, and I pretended to keep trying to figure out the problem, but really I was just listening to Cynthia's fingers as the clicked across the keyboard. The Snow Leopard wasn't yawning nearly as much as we were, and any time she did it was more because of us rather than actual tiredness. She didn't seem to have any trouble sleeping at least.

"Have you been talking with Joseph?" he asked, giving up on homework again.

"Not recently," I said, trying not to roll my eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Todd," he sighed, and I tried not to groan.

"What?"

"What about the birthday text he sent you?"

I looked away, feeling the weight of my phone in my pocket. "What about it?"

"What do you mean what about it?"

"What? I told him thanks. A text isn't a big deal." And the more often he made me say that, the more I started to believe it.

"You said you liked him, didn't you?"

"Sure," I answered flatly.

"So?"

"So."

He sighed again, and my face twitched, annoyed.

"So why aren't you talking to him?" he asked.

"Because I don't feel like it."

He rubbed his eyes tiredly, either from lack of sleep or this conversation. I was feeling it too.

But he pressed on. "Why not?"

"I already told you. I just, don't feel ready for a relationship right now."

"What does that even mean?" he asked, a slight groan in his voice that rubbed me the wrong way.

"It means I just want to focus on finals." I tugged down on the blue beanie Cynthia had given me, just to give my fingers something to do. When I pulled it down, it almost covered all my hair. The memory of chopping it all off didn't make me feel any better.

"What about after?"

"I don't know Max," I said stiffly. I almost added more but my will to talk was quickly being drained.

"What if he finds someone else before school finishes?"

He was trying to be considerate, I told myself. He wanted me to find someone and be happy. But somehow his tone didn't seem to imply that at all. It just sounded impatient.

"Then good for him."

"Damn it Todd," he said. "You can't just keep feeling sorry for yourself all the time. You have to try."

Cynthia turned from her desk. "Max," she said reproachfully.

"Feeling sorry for myself?" I repeated.

I wasn't feeling sorry for myself. I was being realistic. I didn't know Joseph that well. He was sweet, but so were a lot of guys. Sweet doesn't mean they're ready to deal with someone who saw and heard things and couldn't even handle being touched. That was asking too much of anyone. I needed to get better first. That wasn't feeling sorry for myself, was it?

He sighed. "Forget it."

"I've only met him in person twice," I said, maybe louder than I needed to. "Just because he sent me a happy birthday text doesn't mean he's going to want to go out with someone who can't even hold his hand."

"You see?" Max accused. "You're giving up already. Didn't you even say he was okay with it?"

"Just because he says he is doesn't mean he will be."

"And you're not even going to see."

"Why is it so wrong to just want to figure myself out first?"

"Fine," Max said. "Whatever."

We were all too tired to talk it out, so we just spent the rest of the time in silence. The ride home was awkward.

***************

_ _

Running. My heart is ripping.

He's beside me. They are beside me. But not everyone.

The trees are shaking around us. The rain falls and falls but it won't stop. It's night, but it's bright somehow. The noises ring in my ear, long after they're gone. We have to keep running. We have to get away.

We. All of us. But not everyone.

My heart is ripping.

_ _

***************

"Are you running Todd?"

I blinked. "...What?"

The Otter laughed. "You just keep spacing out and walking. You're not even trying to keep up with me today."

"Oh. Sorry."

"What's up man? Are...you and Max still being weird?"

Of course Max had said something to him. Roy was his new best friend. And he was normal. That's probably why Max was starting to get tired of me. A better replaceme-

...Jeez, where the hell were those thoughts coming from?

"...Sorry." I said. "I don't know. I'm just, really tired lately."

"Yeah, no kidding man." And then he yawned right on cue, just like everyone else had been doing lately. The word contagious floated in my head again. I shoved it away again.

"Yeah." I shook my head and took a deep breath. "Okay. Sorry. This time for real."

"Yeah?" he smiled, getting ready.

"Yeah, I'm going to try to keep up. Don't go slow for me."

"Alright, you asked for it."

He meant it too. It wasn't long before I was running out of breath, and I almost regretted saying anything. Of course, he was still holding back. Even though I was getting better, Roy could run circles around me any day. And just like always, he gradually started to get further and further ahead. But I kept running, just like in my dreams, but without most of the dread.

On a jumpier step I felt a large thud against my chest from underneath my shirt as my necklace bounced against me. Somehow even when it was pressed against my fur, the sharp corkscrew point that stuck out of the red half-sphere never seemed to hurt me. Normally I'd be too afraid to wear it out, especially while running, because I was too scared of losing it. But every day it became harder and harder to leave it behind. It helped to hold it, whenever I'd wake up from a dream, and now being awake was getting harder to handle too.

Max and I hadn't spoken this weekend yet. It was leaving an uncomfortable knot in the pit of my stomach. But his words still stung too much for me to want to call him just yet. I lifted my hand up to press my palm against the necklace, which was a bad idea when trying to run. Roy had explained to me how important arm placement was. I started wondering just how far ahead of me the Otter was when I noticed some runners further out in front of me.

They were running the same direction as me, but I was gradually gaining on them. But then the scene started to look strange to me. They almost seemed to be running awkwardly slow. I wasn't going very fast anymore, but somehow I was still catching up to them.

Turn.

I felt my legs changing direction almost before I made the conscious decision myself. I ran off the path, taking a short cut. For some reason the other runners had made me uneasy, to the point where instinct was telling me to avoid them.

I looked back, but it seemed like they didn't even notice. I felt a surge of frustration at myself for acting insane again, but I was too tired to care. At least taking a shortcut would help me find Roy sooner. Suddenly I wasn't really feeling like running by myself anymore.

Despite myself, I looked over my shoulder again. They had stopped running, and right before I disappeared behind a bush, one of them looked over at me. My heart jumped into my throat for a moment, and I picked up my pace a bit.

Stop it, I told myself. I was acting ridiculous. They were probably slowing down because they were already stopping. My mind was freaking out over nothing. But I kept my pace. No, I thought to myself. There was no way Joseph was going to want to deal with this.

I shook my head, trying to ignore my thoughts and keep going. A few times I almost tripped on the uneven floor, and when I eventually found myself back on the path, I sighed in relief. My lungs were starting to give out again, so running on the smoother ground really helped.

Even with the shortcut, I knew Roy was still way out in front of me somewhere. I wasn't going to catch up with him until he decided to stop and wait for me. They sky was just starting to get dark, so we'd probably be leaving soon. I tried to hold out a little longer, trying to clear my head of how tired and out of breath I felt. But the only other things I seemed able to think about were fighting with Max or how crazy I was. I tried to draw comfort from the feeling of my necklace against me, and it helped, a little.

This is the part where he runs up beside me. "Are you getting tired?" he asks.

"No," I answer back. "I'm fine."

We run a few more steps before he asks again. "Are you sure?" But the truth is I am out of breath, so instead I just nod. "Okay," he says, smiling before he picks up the pace and starts to run further ahead. I let out a quiet groan as I try to go a little faster, wanting to keep up with him.

This is the part where my body finally gives out, and I slowly stumble to a stop. My side cramps up, making me cringe as breathing becomes painful, so for a while I just try to walk it off. Thankfully it doesn't last long, already beginning to fade by the time I find Roy on the side of the road sprawled out on the grass.

"Oh, hey," he said. "You made good time."

"Did I?" I asked, sitting myself down next to him. There wasn't a reason to mention how I got paranoid and cheated my run.

"Yeah, next time we need to go even faster."

"Faster?"

Crudge.

"Yeah, didn't take you that long to catch up to me this time. You're getting even better than I thought."

"...I took a shortcut," I admitted.

"What?"

"I was tired," I said. Which wasn't really a lie. "And I was never going to catch up with you."

"Really man?" he groaned. "You know what, just for that, we're gonna keep going this fast until you can keep up."

"What? Roy no."

"Yup, that's what you get for cheating." I made a whimpering sound but he just ignored it. "You wanna get better don't you?"

"...Yes." My mind was a crazy, paranoid mess. Even as some of the fur started to grow back over the scars, my body was still a mess. Schools didn't want me and my best friend wasn't talking to me. I wanted something, at least, to be good at.

"Well you don't get better by slacking off."

I was already cringing at the thought. "...Okay."

"That a boy," he smiled.

But, learning how to run, that wasn't going to help me stop being crazy. I pulled out my phone and looked at the Tiger's text again. "...Hey, Roy?"

"What's up? You okay?"

"Do you think I should call Joseph?"

He looked at my phone for a bit, thinking. "Do you want to?"

I sighed. "I don't know. Kind of, but..."

"But what?"

I lifted a hand and tugged on my short hair. "But, I don't know if he'd, like me. Max said I was just feeling sorry for myself." I sighed again, trying to breathe out the bitter taste. "But, is it still feeling sorry for myself if I honestly, have a bunch of messed up stuff in my head that would be hard to deal with?"

Roy was quiet for a moment, and when I looked over I realized how much I was trying to unload on him. He looked completely unsure how to respond. A tiny thought in the back of my mind wondered if I had made him feel uncomfortable.

Luckily for him, two people suddenly appeared, almost making me jump.

One was a Hyena, and the other was a Panther like Max. They had practically materialized out of thin air as they made their way toward us. Then it clicked in my head. They were the two runners I had seen earlier.

Run.

My blood turned cold. I stood up too quickly, and for one awful moment I almost thought the Hyena had lunged at me. But then I heard Roy's voice.

"Todd?"

"Finally we were able to catch up with you."

My head turned back to the two runners. It was the Panther who had spoken.

Roy stood up, looking confused both by their sudden appearance and my reaction. "Can we help you?"

"Maybe," the Panther said. He was looking at Roy. "We saw you running. You're fast, and from what we could tell you probably have great endurance."

"Oh, thanks," Roy said, looking a little embarrassed. He definitely didn't feel at all threatened by them. They were definitely older than us, but maybe not by too much, and their smiles seemed friendly enough. And for the most part, they seemed focused completely on Roy. But my body hadn't relaxed at all.

"We're part of this track and field group," the Panther explained. "It's nothing official or anything. It's just sort of this mini community where we push each other and help each other out. We've got runners, shot putters, pole vaulters. One of our pole vaulters is even trying to get into the Olympics."

The Hyena stood beside him, not saying anything. Something was nagging at the back of my brain, but it was fuzzy.

"Right now we're training for a triathlon next month. Do you swim as well as you run?"

Roy smiled, very clearly interested and excited by what the Panther was saying. "I don't know if I'm as good, but yeah I can swim."

It was hard to keep my tail from thrashing around. What was I so worked up about? They weren't doing anything. I reached up to feel my necklace through my shirt, pressing it against my chest to try and calm down.

"So, do you think it'd be something you'd-" The moment my hand touched my necklace, both the Panther and the Hyena looked over. Not at me, at my hand.

"-be interested?" the Panther continued, like nothing just happened.

Run.

My heart was hammering in my chest. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was angry at myself for acting insane like this, but the warning bells in my head just wouldn't go away. I couldn't just leave Roy though.

The Otter looked at me for a moment, unsure what to make of how I was acting. "Yeah," he told them. "Yeah, definitely."

"Alright, awesome," the Panther said, pulling out a cellphone. "Let me get your number so I can text you when we're meeting up. You can bring your friend too if you want," he added, nodding his head toward me. I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"Yeah, sure," said Roy. "There's not a like, club membership fee is there?"

"Nah, it's just about having fun, being healthy, helping each other out. Stuff like that."

"Alright awesome. Think you'd wanna try Todd? ...Todd? What's wrong?"

Something had finally clicked. "...The club," I said.

"What?"

It couldn't be. But she had wanted my necklace so bad. And they had both looked when I reached for it.

"...The Kandy House." I looked at him, but he still didn't get it. "The security guards who chased us." In the corner of my eye I was watching them, waiting for some sort of reaction. Were they stiffening up, or was I imaging it? I reached for my necklace again through my shirt. "That's them," I said, quieter.

"What?"

"They're the ones that I saw yesterday, that's why they looked familiar!"

"Something wrong?" the Panther asked. He moved closer, and I quickly and roughly moved away.

"Don't."

"Todd, calm down."

Run.

"What's going on?" the Panther asked convincingly.

"Sorry, my friend...he's going through a lot right now and..."

What? What was Roy talking about? He had to recognize them. I wasn't being...

...

"Roy?"

He looked at me, worriedly.

"You recognize them don't you?"

He did look back at them, but they gave him a confused look back. "Uhm, sorry, can I just, give you my number and text you later?"

Why wasn't he listening? "Roy?" But I just watched him give his number over to the Panther. It was getting harder to breathe. I wanted to pull him away from them, but I couldn't touch him. All I could do was stand there uselessly.

"Sorry," he said again when he was done. He turned to face me. "Come on Todd."

The Panther and the Hyena both looked at me like I was crazy, but I knew it was an act. I knew I was right about this. I had to be.

"Todd," Roy said again, more urgently.

I backed away from the other two slowly, scared that they were finally going to try and grab me. Or take my necklace. Or something.

This is the part where they finally show who they really are. "Grab him!" the Panther shouts. They both rush towards me, but Roy grabs my hand and we start running. Now he knows I was right. That I wasn't just being crazy.

This is the part where I turn around and start to walk away. It turns to a jog, and then to a run. Roy follows after me, but he doesn't say anything yet. I don't stop until there's enough distance between us and them. The release of energy helps calm my body down, but I don't feel safe stopping until we reach the entrance of the park.

"What's wrong Todd?" Roy asked after we stopped.

"Didn't you recognize them?"

"No," he replied. "I'm sorry. They didn't look familiar to me."

"The guys who chased us were a Panther and a Hyena," I said, trying to remind him. He had to remember.

"I...yeah, they were," he said. "But...I don't know. It just didn't look like them to me."

"But..." They chased after us, how couldn't he remember them? It wasn't that long ago was it?

"Look, we're both tired and stressed." He even yawned as he said it. "Maybe you just thought it was them?"

No. No it had to be them. Why else would they have looked when I touched my necklace? I wouldn't be acting this crazy if it wasn't them. "You really didn't recognize them?"

"It was dark," he said. "And we were running away. It was hard for either of us to get a good look at them."

He was right. My certainty wavered a little.

"I mean, I don't know, maybe it was them and maybe it wasn't. But they didn't jump us or anything."

"They looked though, when I touched my necklace." Even as I said it, I felt my voice getting smaller.

Roy shrugged, looking at me with pity. "I don't know Todd."

"...You're not going to go with them, are you?"

A looked flashed over his face, and my face flushed for asking something so stupid.

"I don't know Todd," he said. I noticed how tired he looked, and wondered if he was getting tired of me too.

"...Sorry."

He sighed, but in kind way, trying to smile a little. "You're okay buddy," he said. But I wasn't. Even now I kept looking over his shoulder, waiting for the Panther and the Hyena to come running out from behind a tree. "Let's go wait for the bus yeah?"

"Yeah."

The bus stop wasn't far. Roy tried a few times to get a conversation going, but he was too burnt out and I could barely get my voice above a whisper. What was wrong with me? I was so sure they had been the security guards from the club. I was positive, but it was based on nothing but some random instinct-fueled mini panic attack. And I still couldn't make myself stop thinking it.

It wasn't long before we heard the screech of metal as the bus grinded to a halt in front of us. I almost cringed at myself for taking one more look at the park entrance, just to make sure. My body went rigid. I saw Arnold.

"Let's go Todd," I heard Roy say.

The Ermine didn't linger to glare at me. Instead he immediately turned around and walked away into the park, like he didn't want me to see him.

"Todd?"

Why wouldn't he want me to see him? He was never intimidated by me. Gears started turning in my head as I started to make my way back toward the park entrance.

"Todd."

I looked back at the Otter.

"Come on, we need to get on the bus."

I wasn't sure what I was about to do, and I didn't know how to explain it to him without sounding crazy.

"I forgot something, I have to go get it. I'll see you tomorrow."

I didn't stop to see if he was going to buy that. I needed to figure out what Arnold was doing here.

From the entrance I could see him hurrying toward a thicker cluster of trees. The thoughts in my head kept building up as I hurried after him. He looked back, and snarled menacingly when he saw me following him before taking off. But if he thought he could get away he was wrong.

Adrenaline had the weird effect of both making me forget how exhausted I was and convincing me I had any idea what I was doing. Arnold was fast, but he wasn't as fast as Roy. I had to keep up with him, be faster than him. Emotions started to build up in my body, fueling me through the trees. I couldn't lose sight of him.

And then I did. One moment he was there, and the next he wasn't.

Go Around.

I tilted my pace toward the right, moving forward and looking to the left. After a moment I saw him, hiding behind a tree, hoping he could get me as I ran past him. But now I had put distance between us, which gave me time to turn and face him before he realized what had happened. He growled and charged me, and I braced myself. And then I panicked.

Was this my bright idea? Fighting Arnold?

He tackled me down like nothing, and immediately I was on fire. My mind went blank immediately, thought replaced with only the comprehension of burning pain. I had to get away. I used the momentum of us falling to roll us over, almost managing to get away before he grabbed me with iron hot fingers.

"Ah!"

I swung a fist out and punched him in the face.

His gripped slackened, and I pulled myself up and away. He grabbed my ankle but that was a mistake. I cried out again, feeling his fingers burning through my skin, and I reflexively tried to kick myself free, my heel connecting with his shoulder. He let go and I fell over, trembling and hugging myself, desperately trying to rub the feeling of his touches out of my fur as I watched him writhe on the floor.

I felt sick and terrified. I didn't want to hurt him like this. This wasn't what I meant to happen.

The moment didn't last long. He picked himself back up again quickly, and so did I, not wanting to get caught off guard. He reached for his pocket, and I was suddenly terrified of facing him right now with a knife. But his hand came up empty. The look on his face made me wonder if he dropped it, but instead of growling in frustration he just looked at me.

"Todd?" It was Roy's voice. I didn't want to be alone with Arnold now, but I didn't want Roy to see me like this either. I saw him appear through the trees as he ran up beside me, looking at the way I was holding myself. "Todd, what happened?" He looked over at the Ermine, who got his growl back.

"Why won't you fucking leave me alone?" he snarled at me.

"You told them how to fine me, didn't you?"

"What?"

Roy was giving me a look, like he couldn't believe that's what this was about. My resolve wavered but I held on. I wasn't about to let him play dumb. Why else would he be here spying on me? Why else would he have run away when he saw me?

"The Panther, and the Hyena. You told them to follow me here. You talked to that stupid Cat lady from the club, I know you did!"

At the mention of the Cat lady his expression changed. He looked surprised. I felt my heart beating faster. I was right. I knew I was right. I knew I wasn't crazy.

"You did didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, but his voice had become quieter.

"You're lying! I know you are!" He almost looked like he was having a headache. "You're the one who told them where to find me!"

His expression changed suddenly, and for a moment he was silent.

"...What?"

"You told them where I was!"

"I'll kill you." It was barely a whisper, and I almost didn't hear it until I was tackled to the ground again. His hands were burning through my neck, and I tried to cry out but I couldn't get enough air. "I'll kill you!" he snarled again. And then almost just as quickly he was off of me.

I tried to get up, coughing as I tried to breathe again, my vision taking a moment to right itself. In front of me, Arnold was struggling with Roy. He swung a fist, and it connected with the Otter's stomach loudly as he shot out a kick for the Ermine's leg.

What did I do?

"Stop it!"

I quickly put myself between them as the Ermine stumbled, trying to push him away from my friend. I winced as my palms touched his burning chest for a moment, then cried out as he grabbed onto my wrist, pulling away from his burning touch. I tried to back away, but he reached out his hand then, holding onto my shoulder tightly as he remembered how to hurt me.

"Ah!"

I jerked myself out of his touch, stumbling back. Right into Roy. He put a hand on my back to steady me. It burned just as much.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, falling away from him on the grassy floor, writhing as the burns took too long to fade. I didn't mean to yell so loud. I saw his face. It looked almost unbelieving. Hurt.

"Don't_ever_ follow me again," Arnold snarled. "Or next time, I won't stop. I don't care how many stupid friends you have." He didn't even look at Roy. He just spat on the floor in front of me and walked away.

I heard Roy moving behind me. I didn't want him to look at me right now. I didn't even want him to be here anymore. I just wanted to pass out from pain and exhaustion right now, and never wake back up. This had all been a mistake. A big, stupid insane mistake.

It was a while before he said anything, and I almost thought maybe he had left. "Todd? Are you okay?"

I picked myself up reluctantly, still trembling a little, and almost definitely covered with patches of dirt and grass. Whatever Roy thought of me before, however accepting he had been of the fact that I wasn't right in the head, that was definitely all gone now. Now he knew how crazy I could really be.

I turned around to face him. He was still holding his stomach. Somehow, mine sank even further. "Are you okay?" I asked?

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied. "Are you?"

"I'm sorry." I wanted to cry. But I refused to let myself. I didn't have any right to put more focus on myself like that. I just felt so insignificant. Insignificant and stupid.

He shook his head, pretending I had nothing to apologize for. "You're okay buddy," he said again. "Come on, let's go."

We walked in silence to the bus stop. He didn't ask me why I had chased after the Ermine, or why I had fought with him. I guess it was obvious. He asked me one more time if I was okay while we waited for the bus though. I just said I was tired. And then just one more time, I said, "I'm sorry."

***************

There was a knock on my bedroom door. I managed to make myself sit up, but walking across the room was too far for me right then.

"Come in," I called out weakly.

My dad walked in, closing the door behind him. He gave me a weak smile as he sat across from me in my desk chair. My sister and I had gotten our orange fur from our mother, Leah more so in that she retained my mother's glowing redder orange, while mine was more of a washed out shade. But my father was a Grey Fox, with only tints of orange around his head and limbs. I think I might have gotten my shade of orange from him.

"How are you doing Todd?" he asked.

"Okay," I replied weakly. My dad was usually more willing to take my answers at face value than my mother was, but right now it was definitely clear I was anything but.

He sighed, but it was for me, not at me. "Todd..." He struggled to find the words to say. It always took him a minute longer than it would my mother. I wondered if that was all dads, or just the ones with dysfunctional sons. "I know I'm not always the best with words. You definitely got that from your mother," he added, smiling a bit. "All those little journals you used to write in when you were little. Even at my age I could never write stories like you could back then." He stopped for a moment, looking over at my small bookshelf, littered with rocks I had dug up and kept because I thought they looked pretty. "Although digging was definitely from my side of the family," he laughed quietly. Then he looked at me again. "But I'm your father, and I want you to know you can always talk to me. Alright?"

I nodded, knowing I probably wouldn't. Dad always seemed uncertain about how to approach my messed up mind. But it meant everything that he was willing to try.

"I know, it's hard for you, having to live with all your...habits. And I know school's been giving you a hard time lately. But I don't want you to worry yourself about that alright? We'll figure something out if things don't work out. And I want you to know that your mother and I...We're always proud of you Todd."

I shifted awkwardly, wishing I could hug him, or say something to let him know how much he meant to me. And mostly, wishing I could be a son that deserved to hear this from him. But all I could to was mutter, "Thanks, dad."

He smiled, looking like he was maybe wanted to say more, but I guess he couldn't think of anything else so he got up and walked back to the door. "We love you Todd. Very much."

"I love you too," I said back.

When the door closed I lied back down on my bed. I definitely didn't feel like there was anything to be proud of me for. How much had I put my parents through already? And they never seemed to get anything out of it but more problems. I didn't deserve to be their son. They deserved a son who sane, and smart, and functioning. One they could actually hug and kiss really be proud of. But instead they got a broken, useless Fox who couldn't do anything but sit in his room all the time and mope. Even now, I just wanted to cry and scream and tell them how sorry I was. But I could barely build up the energy to turn off the light in my room. I just felt, blunted.

All the sadness and anger and hurt were stuck in my throat, slowly suffocating me, but I couldn't let any of it out. So I just stared up at the ceiling, struggling to breathe as I waited for the nightmares to come.

***************

...where was I? It was raining. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, my arms and legs driving me forward. So cold. So unforgivably cold. I couldn't stop running. I needed to hurry. I was afraid. I was so desperately afraid. My eyes were frantically looking around me as I ran. There were too many trees in the way. I was running out of time. I was going to be too late. I ran faster. I couldn't be too late. Where was he?

...

There! I could see him! I pushed myself even faster, hurrying before it was too late. Wait! The ground started to tremble. The rain and the sky and the trees all started to come apart. Wait! I was almost there! I reached out my hand. I felt the brush of his fingertips. Hands that promised to always keep me safe.

Wait!

Wait! Please!

Don't leave me!

Wait!

Please!

***************

I woke up violently, sitting up and searching around my room desperately as I tried to hold on. I ripped my sheets of the bed, stood up and turned frantically around.

But they were already gone.

I tried to breath, but I couldn't. My throat was completely closed up as the tears finally flooded my eyes. I felt my body start to sob but I still couldn't make a sound. Instead I crumbled down onto the floor, trying desperately to hold myself together as the floodgates finally opened.

My friends were tired of me. My family couldn't touch me. I was crazy and insane and I was never going to get better. My life was just going to be one big mistake after another.

And someone was missing.

I kept trying to breathe, but my throat still wouldn't open. I barely understood what was happening, I just knew that someone was missing.

I felt my heart, banging in my chest, but I knew it wasn't real. Someone had ripped my real one out. I was clutching at my chest, trying to believe it was still there. I felt my necklace, but this time it couldn't help me. Someone was missing.

I lied there on the floor, noiselessly sobbing and trembling, falling to pieces, and not even understanding why.

I was broken.

I was alone.

I couldn't breathe, I was suffocating.

Someone was supposed to be there, but they weren't.

Someone was missing.

And I didn't even know who.