FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"Goddamnit! That probably got me killed!" The maus yelled at the screen as it blinked from her game.

Previously, the massive command center screen had been displaying the most recent iteration of whizbangshootyfight to an unwelcome video call. The hijacker was instantly greeted with a webcam view of the eccentric scientist. The hybrid maus had been leaned back in her chair, using the the supercomputer's fast array of data processing centers to simulate the face-shooting in all of its glory. It was a waste, sure, but considering that Rachel's main use of the machine was to view frankly irresponsible amounts of internet pornography, this was as close to fulfilling the machine's intended purpose as it had been in a long time.

The image that came up was far less pleasant than the game had been. A huge, obese boar sat in a monolithic black leather chair. The angular corners and polished black leather was made with the specific purpose to make him look even larger and more important than he was. The black pinstripe suit called back memories of the mafia of cinema and the sharp pair of black sunglasses just screamed designer and aggression. His look was finally topped off with a thick cuban smoldering out of the right side of his mouth. Behind the chair, what was still in frame behind the tremendous leather rectangle, there seemed to be an operations room to rival most in media, if not even the ones that actually existed. It was manned by plenty of similarly dressed creatures; sans pants. They were rushing around, doing their best to look busy, clicking buttons, delivering coffee and shuffling paper.

He was greeted by a similarly strange sight; the woulsf was rocked back in her cushy computer chair, the hybrid's lab coat, her only garment, completely open. The game controller dangled loosely in her annoyed hand. Her eyes narrowed a bit as she spoke. "What do you want?"

"I am none other than...The Porker! Megalomaniacal super villain extraordinaire! The thundering devastation! Corporate conqueror!"

The maus grunted, bending forward a bit. "No, no, keep going..."

"The economic elegance! The economist's' nightmare! Here to deliver to you a warn..."

"Not you! Him!" The hybrid grunted out, reaching up with a rat-like foot to angle down one of the many webcams on the computer to show Sheepdog's head against her crotch, her other hand resting on top of his head. The athletic superhero was handcuffed and kneeling...It looked like she'd had some time with his hide, a magic marker, and new and exciting adjectives to describe exactly how slutty he was. The pig leaned forward in his seat, lifting his glasses as he took in the view. "Is...Are you choking sheepdog with a strapon while talking to me?"

"Doesn't take much to set you back, now does it, porkchop?" Came the bitchy reply.

The pig grumbled to himself, but not to be outdone, he waved someone over from out of frame. "Johnson, get your intern ass over here!"

A pig quickly ran into frame, the younger pig looking fresh to the workforce. "Y-yessir, I brought your latte, sorry about..."

The boar cut him off. "Shut up and suck."

Johnny blushed intensely as the easily recognizable sound of a zipper came over the line before the intern ducked out of frame. "Not even OSHA can touch me! Even though they've tried."

The unimpressed scientist rolled her eyes. "The russians are probably about to win the round by now, can we get to the point?" She pointed to her controller.

The boar lowered his glasses again, taking a long puff on his cigar. "Mngh, well, yes. In one week my plan will go into action! I will rule the city...and soon, the world!"

Rachel nodded slowly as the boar delivered his challenge. "Uh-huh. Is that it?"

"Oh...more throat, yeah. I need to deliver all my ultimatums like this. But yeah, consider yourselves warned and all that, you'll be powerless to stop me."

The woulsf shrugged as the pig started to get distracted. "Yeah, yeah, see you later bacon strip. Now would you mind gettin' off my screen? I have noobs to shoot."

The distracted boar waved his hand, grunting as he didn't seem to mind the scientist blowing him off as he usually would be, the screen flicking off and going back to the end-of-round scoreboard, eliciting a swear from the woulsf.

"Mmnghgh-mhmhmh?" The drake asked.

The woulsf replied by pushing his head down more, bulging his throat out with the thick strapon tied to her hips. "No, you still haven't finished a round yet. You still have to fulfill your terms of the bet, slut!"

***

"Another cookie, maus?" The drake asked.

The box was nearly empty. Well, it was empty as the scientist's paw reached in to grab the last of the artificially chewy treats. That empty cardboard box was moved to the side to stack haphazardly on the growing pile of "Uncle Willy's Big Pig Variety Pack" boxes beside the couch. "Yeah, I'm," She started, not even waiting to finish until after she'd crammed half the cookie into her mouth, "Hungry!"

The drake shook his head as he looked back at the coffee table. The stacks of gaudily colored boxes that he'd just set down on the other side of the couch after he'd gotten back from the store yesterday were apparently already half gone. They were down to two more boxes of the sweet iced 'food'. "How many of those have you eaten?" He asked, incredulously.

"Only a few half dozens." She replied, spilling crumbs over herself as she spoke.

"Aren't you on a diet anyway?" He asked, watching the gluttonous scientist munch another huge bite out of the cookie.

"Mngh, it's a cheat day. Though I recall you complimenting my ass when it was slamming into you last night." She shot back, "And I've cut out soda, hmph."

The dragon shook his head with a bemused smirk on his face. It's not like he really minded the maus's extra curves, but she certainly wasn't losing weight... He wasn't, either. He'd upped his diet and exercise, but...

They were interrupted as the TV flicked from the show the maus had been watching to show the chief of police in his operations room. The huge grizzly had a doughnut in one hand, the other busily shoving a large handgun into the holster on the chest of his plate carrier. He spoke between bites of the doughnut. "Sheepdog, There-" He started.

"Dammit Arctos!" The maus yelled, "That was the finale and Jack and Melissa were finally gonna get together!"

"What!? C'mon, Scientist, That's a huge goddamn spoiler. I'm still half a season behind." The huge bear grunted.

Akeroh hid a smirk with a shake of his head. Everyone, it seemed, but him had been addicted to the latest season of "Land of Lies". He probably would have been too, had he sat down and watched for long enough to trace out the impenetrable web of relationship drama. "Yeah, yeah. What's the matter, Sensei?"

The huge bear grunted again, his mouth stuffed with another bite of the oversized doughnut, speaking past the greedy bite. "The bank at 15th and Platte is getting robbed by two truckloads of guys calling themselves, "The Piglets". They're heavily armed and they've already blown up a squad car."

The dragon shook his head again. That bank had the worst luck. He would have thought they'd be used to bit by now. "Well, shit. Do they even had money this time?"

"No, the vault was cleaned out by the robbery this morning. They're ransoming hostages now."

"At least they have a policy of hiring the most masochistic tellers the can find. Want me on support?"

The kodiak paused, pondering as he shoved the rest of his doughnut into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully as he reached over and snatched another from an intern rushing by with a large box of the deep-fried snacks. "You ought to insert. I don't think any of my breaching teams can fit through the vents anymore." He said.

The drake nodded a bit. He'd thought there were far more stringent requirements for the force. The maus interrupted his thoughts, though, creating a cascade of empty cookie boxes. "I'll grab the Transformotalil-jibber! That'll fix them right up!"

She wasted no time explaining her jargon or waiting for any sort of reply from the others, sprinting off into the depths of the lab. Arctos leaned forward to watch her disappear into the steel hallways, astonished. "What?"

Sheepdog shook his head with a sigh as he watched the exuberant hybrid retreat out of the room. He had a distinct feeling he was going to be left on his own again for the mission. Once the rat got an idea in her head there was nothing that could stop it, short of another whim crowding the first out. He turned back to the screen, a wry, slight frown turning his muzzle down a bit. "I've learned it's better not to ask."

Arctos nodded slightly. "Mn, probably wise. We're on our way, though, don't keep us waiting."

"Yessir." The drake said, giving a salute to the screen.

His mind was already planning before the screen flicked back to the show. "But Vanessa! I've always loved you!" One of the characters cried out.

The drake chuckled as he flicked off the display. Somebody had probably fainted to that twist, but it was lost on him.

***

The vent tore out with a loud shearing noise. He had no idea why so many people had been switching to 'Tear-away' bolts, but it made him feel significantly stronger as he simply tore the grate off it's concrete mountings. He set the vent aside against the entrance, glancing back over the edge of the building. The flashing blue and white strobes marked the police blockade. There were a good fifty officers outside with more arriving by the minute. He really didn't know what the these guys thought they were gonna get out of the heist, but he'd bet they'd face worse if they were coming back empty handed. The sunshine scientist was nowhere to be seen, either, nor was she answering her radio. It was doubtful that she'd been captured already, unless she'd spotted a particularly well-endowed robber. She was probably still - what did she tell him? "Rejiggering the florum storage and transferring the Jabibiles....Something-something recalibration." He was sure that the scientist was constructing an entirely new language of technical jargon unique to herself or just making up words to screw with him. He sighed, looking down into the vent before climbing in. Probably just a little of column A, a little of column B.

***

"C'mon man, just do it already! I didn't take this job because I wanted to work here! I took it to get shot! Come on! It's my biggest fantasy, man! Just, just right in the chest!" The bound leopard pleaded, squirming on the ground.

The teller had been on about his...desire for pretty much the whole time now. The rhino grunted as he looked back over to the raptor, the pair both kitted out in mismatched black and camo surplus gear. His plate had even come with a few dents and an authentic red stain from the gang's armory. The police had been outside for the better part of an hour and Ronnie wasn't making any progress with negotiating for loot. This creepy teller, too, had done nothing but try to get one of them to cap him. He'd heard of masochism but this guy was just a weirdo. He'd've shot him, too, just to get him to shut up, but even the thought of it made him feel dirty. He shrugged his shoulders, trying to adjust the ill-fitting rig and the sling digging into his shoulder. The Kalashnikov was getting heavy and nature was about to stop calling and start demanding. "Johnnie, can you hold down the fort, bro? I need to go drain the snake."

The raptor grumbled and nodded. "Yeah, but I'm about to throw this whackjob out for free, man."

The big rhino shrugged again to shift his gun over his vest before he headed back into the hallway. A quick nod at the hog watching the door to the lobby as he passed by the manager's office - Ronnie was inside negotiating with the cops. They needed to get something out of this or the boss man was gonna have their asses. He was gonna kill Vinny after this though. He shoulda known that the bank was gonna be empty. Hell, he probably knew and just wanted to use that shiny new bazooka or whatever. He grumbled to himself, shouldering the door open into the tiled bathroom.

***

He didn't know why this bank had so much bad luck. By all rights it was entirely average. It wasn't a large branch, they didn't keep a huge vault, they weren't the busiest and it wasn't the most well-secured...but it was far from the worst. To be fair, though, he was crawling easily through the vents that lead to most of the rooms. Maybe there was something to it. He didn't want to fight from the vents, though. The main rooms were probably occupied and he doubted he could jump down and draw a bead before getting plastered. The bathrooms were the second fork here, two more short turns. It suddenly occurred to him that he knew this place like the back of his hand and he'd never been here to bank. They really needed better security guards or something.

His idle thoughts were interrupted by the sound of running water. The drake peeked down, peering through the slotted vent in the ceiling. The large rhino grunted, shaking his thick cock as he finished off, tucking it back into his pants. A quick shudder was quickly followed up by a mumbled obscenity as the last drop dribbled down inside of his pant leg. "Dammit...I hate it when that happens."

"The trick is to shake it like it's flatlining."

"Yeah, it... What?"

The robber didn't have time to figure out who'd replied in the empty bathroom before the vent cover slammed into his head, followed quickly by the invading dragon. The breacher's blade, a wicked three inch tanto slid smoothly into the gap between the rhino's shoulder and the strap of his vest. But that wasn't quite enough, apparently. The robber roared out in pain, seeing red as he reached back to haphazardly grapple the newfound attacker. "That's all you got, copper? Gonna take more than that to kill me!"

His hand finally found purchase on the dragon's arm, fingers like sausages gripping painfully tight on the hero's arm. With a twist the brute simply threw the dragon across the room. A tile snapped behind the drake as his back slammed into it, the plate taking most of the blow to distribute it across his back. The rhino, game him a few seconds as he fumbled up for the blade, gripping the folder's hand with a growl as he simply yanked it from his shoulder. Blood ran freely from the deep wound into the artery, soaking the surplus tactical rig and the custom jersey underneath, dripping over the stylized, sunglass-wearing hog head in the center.

Sheepdog managed to get back to his feet before the robber had pulled the blade free. The rhino's AK swung, forgotten in his rage's red haze, while the berserking criminal charged with the bloody blade.

Akeroh knew he didn't have time to go for his gun, but the rhino was stupid with pain and couldn't have that much more arterial blood to bleed. He was tough as nails, though, blood spurting up with each beat of his heart, splashing over his shoulder and the side of his head.

Sheepdog's next move was easy. The rhino's strength didn't matter if the drake was twisting the right way and two expertly placed palms collapsed his outstretched, stabbing hand. That got rid of the blade, sheathing it just above the collarbone of the charging beast. The weight of the rhino was still there, though, inertia holding true as the rhino's eyes opened wide with a choking sputter before shock took him a moment before impact. Physics cared little that the robber was incapacitated and the bulk of the creature slammed into the assassin, hard enough that more tiles crunched behind him, the wind whooshing out of him as he was slammed hard into the wall.

Sheepdog growled as he slid down the wall. His legs were pinned under the bulk of the brute, but he didn't mind for now. He took a breath, slumping slightly over the still head of the robber as white tile dust sprinkled down on top of him. He took a few moments to get his breath back, rubbing an aching rib under his vest while his gut struggled to relax enough to allow for normal breaths. With a grunt he shifted the massive body off him, rolling it over to draw his knife out from the fighter. He shook himself out, cleaning the blade before shrugging his rifle back up, readying himself to breach the rest of the bank.