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Ramblings: of a Teenage Demon

Part 1

What was lost

Familiar laughter fills the car. Once the car grows silent, the distance between us shrinks. The words "happy valentines day" dare to break the silence in only a whisper, then the mouth that spoke the words I dare to seal shut with a sin of angels and demons. With that kiss I break laws, and seal our fate.

The front window is broken, tearing us apart for only a brief time, but then we cling to one another silently in the back seat as a man in front hotwires the car seemingly in a drunken stupur. I dare not breath for I fear my heart is already making too much noise. She nudges me gently, and pushes me toward the door farthest from the drivers seat. We move unnoticed, but as I shove the door open, it clicks so loud I, startled, fall out of the car onto the asphalt. Then there is a scream, a bang, and the man is yelling at me to get my fallen angel out of the car or I too shall die. Red, so much red, most people in the worlds favorite color is red, but this vivid shade would turn that love to disgust. I pull my fallen angel from the car and watch half alive as she kills my love of red. As I fumble for my phone she speaks to me, saying that she is sorry that she didn't move fast enough, that she loves me, she whispers her goodbye as I call for a hopeless help.

My vision began to blur as tears, stained my eyesight. Her withered figure lay before me, taunting me for having ever committed such a sin. My head falls to the metal of the cool hospital bed. It was a sun in comparison to her icy body, and my cold tears. It provided me with no sympathy, nor comfort that it had provided her only moments ago. I look up for one last glance at my angels face, but I find only the doctor's. He merely shakes his head, and motions me out. My boots ring on the floor as if they have steel toes, but it is not the boots, my heavy heart now weighs down my whole being. I never got to say goodbye, I feel as if I never got to tell her how I really felt about her, and now I never will.

Time passes, how much I can not be certain, I remember doing things, bad things, to forget what was lost, to forget what was not mine to claim. Hollow. That is all I am and wish to be in this empty time. Drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. These are the only things I cherish in this time. Even though they once were sins she and I swore never to commit. I long to fill the hole, but only distract myself from its existence. I can not move forward. I do not want to look back. I simply stand in my stasis waiting for my answer to come find me.

More time is wasted in helpless attempts at healing. My old friend jokes about him and I being homosexual in order to attract girls. I lose the virginity that was not mine to give to a girl with no name. I feel guilty. I have sinned against the one I loved. I swear against women and such foolish endeavors with such. My friend opens my eyes to a new kind of sin that I never saw myself committing. Loving him.

Time is lost, and hearts are broken, but I am mostly healed, I find another who is broken, who has seen loved ones die as I have, who has lost people so dear as I have, who is alone as I am. We become more then even what we expected. We complete one another.

Time is gained, and what was once lost becomes, not forgotten, but ignored. So a promise remains unbroken, and another is yet to be discovered.

Chapter 1

I Hate Mondays

Now here I am, on a plane going anywhere but here, on a Monday morning. If I stayed I would have simply fought the invincible like the prideful fool I am. Now I can not turn back. With a plane ticket I run away from my problem and to a possible solution. My mind wanders constantly to Zack, the boyfriend I left behind. I can not stop thinking about him. I hope he is alright. He never quite understood my scattered Demon thoughts. As the plane took off I practically had to hold myself down. Why do I fear the known? Is it not the place and more the reason I am going that drives me to fear leaving?

I sit next to a youngling vampire though it appears she is unaware of her breed, and a old witch. Why did I end up sitting next to the only spiritually connected beings on this flight? I guess its more comforting then sitting next to a mortal that will insist upon conversation. The old women keep staring at me. I know she can see it, that darkness inside me, those sins. She can see that I am running from them, and knows me without ever knowing my existence before this point. In that one look I know she hates me.

I shift uncomfortably in the seat. Readjust my small amount of luggage tucked under the seat in front of me, desperately avoid her disapproving gaze. "What am I doing?" I mutter to myself. I see the woman in the corner of my eye with a stare that answers me, "You're a Pure Demon. One of the only truly evil things that walk this world. You are going to hell, that's what you're doing." Of course I could have just read her mind, but her eyes spoke loud and clear. I look at the youngling avoiding her gaze once more. She smiled timidly at me. "I like you tattoo's mister." she spoke in almost a whisper then turned shyly away. I smiled. At least she is on me side, for now, but when she knows, when this plane lands and the M.P.A. (Mythical Protection Agency) comes and picks me up, she wont think so highly of me anymore.

I look lazily at the small window. The poofy clouds Zack and I had always stared up at were now below me. I was glad I had a window seat. I would hate to be in between my seat mates. I took a brief moment staring at my reflection. I looked horrible. My hair, normally somewhat tame, was a wreck. I usually dyed it black but my dark brown roots now were a few inches long. My bangs were so long they covered half my face rather then being cut at an angle. At least the back was still kinda short, but much longer and I wont be able to spike it. My brownish-red irises were surrounded by pinkish white, due to my lack of sleep. I slid my pierced tongue across my spider bite, two lip rings on the lower right side of my lips. Looking away from my reflection I continued my listless self examination. My hip piercings, one on each side, no longer were irritated. My clothes were a little loose, but for skinny jeans and a v-neck shirt that is not saying much. At least if I grew a little I had room too, though being six foot two that may be an issue. Then looking at my new tattoos, a pentacle on my wright wrist and a pentagram on my left, I found they were both red with irritation. I slid my fingers across the vampire bite tattoo on my neck, the skin was a bit dry. I guess I look pretty old and ratty for a 19 year old at the moment.

I held out my hand in front of me and stared at the pentagram. Why did pentagrams have to be a satanic thing? I laid my hand down and stared at it and started to wonder. What would I do if the M.P.A. found me? They think I am some criminal. I could use my abilities and get in a big fight, but that would only cause more trouble for me. What am I to do? The little girl derailed my train of thought when she started to sing aloud one of the songs from back then.

"White crows cry and cry ...While you just turn your eye your eye ...White crows are bleeding and no... one... cares..."

I began to hum along to the song we use to sing to roaring crowds. The old women just sat there and shook her head. I smiled sinnickelly at her and she flipped me off while the girl wasnt looking, absorbed by the song in her head. This made me laugh. The girl then opened her eyes and spoke to me softly. "Aren't you the man who wrote that song mister?" I smiled again for her innocent love in her eyes. "Yes" I spoke softly but my voice cracked as if from overuse. This made the old hag cackle. " Aww, poor demon boy still going through puberty still?" I scoffed and retorted sharply with a smirk "I'm 19 if you must know and no I'm not going through puberty. It was the stench from your rotting corpse that startled my senses."I smiled wider with each word. She merely turned her head and muttered "Black blood".

Over the years, I had become accustomed to being called a black blood. It was a term used for those who take on homosexuality in the mortal world or necromancy in the spirit world, I qualifying as both. Though the necromancy was recent and not intended. My sexuality hasn't changed since my 10th grade year at school. I dated one and only one girl, Megara, I met her when I was young, and she had been shot and killed right in front of me while we were dating in my freshmen year of high school. Her death shook me to the core. I never will be the same after that day. I swore to never date a girl again, although I have never even seen a girl that tempted me to break that promise. She was so beautiful. I can't help but wonder where I would be if she had never passed. Then the memories of that dark day flashed into my head.

Us sitting in the car waiting for her sister then....

My flash back was disrupted by the sudden shaking of the plane. We had landed. My heart skipped a beat as we came to a stop. What was I going to do? I took a deep breath and hoped that my fears were not going to be confirmed. As I gathered my belongings and exited the plane. My eyes wandered to the auras, spiritual energies that surrounds every living thing, of those around me. The most powerful auras would belong to the M.P.A. agents. I first saw two M.P.A. scouts, their job was to find the target by means of its aura density, the denser the aura the more spiritually connected the being. Fortunately I can change my auras appearance, and I did exactly that by relaxing my muscles, and I feel as if I melt as I blend into the mortal crowd.

As I slipped past the scouts, I strolled to the rest room. I needed to piss like no tomorrow. Going in there also will me time to think. Walking out of the bathrooms I had decided that I am crazy and should have just stayed home and not tried to avoid the unavoidable. Looking around I saw the same scouts. I muttered a few curses under my breath when I realized that I hadn't re-fixed my aura on the way out of the bathroom. Both scouts now had seen me. They were now on their cell phones contacting the others. I quickly made a break for the elevators. When I made it there, after nearly knocking everyone around me off their feet, I grabbed the nearest elevator and headed down to the ground level. The scouts were on my tail. As soon as the elevator hit the ground, I was at its door then out. I ran as fast as I could not caring about any mortal observers being stunned by how fast I could sprint. To me, the more observers the better, since that meant that there would be no magic used. With this in mind, I headed for the streets. When I got in the middle of them with no agents in sight, I changed my aura again, blending in the best I could. When I was sure I had lost them, I let my aura slip back to normal and headed for my destination.

Chapter 2

Love is complicated, and Gay love is 3 letters more complicated

To my surprise sitting at the foot of the steps of the dated cottage was not my friend, but Zack. His hair spiked to one side kinda like anime hair. No piercings or tattoos. His eyes a gorgeous green. As I was staring into them I felt as if I was being immersed in a grassy field. Although, he is scowling at me at the moment I still could see his warm happy smile. "And what's the explanation this time for you up and leaving me alone at home and not saying anything?"

I couldn't help smile. After all, my only living love was sitting in front of me. "I left reasonably obvious cookie crumbs for you to follow"

His frown grew larger. "That doesn't sound like a reason, it sounds like an excuse to me, but whatever."

His gaze softened and he smiled slightly. "So love, what now?"

My smile broadened as the terrible possible answers rippled through my mind. I walked up to him and straddled him.

"I wasn't intending that as an option but..." he grabbed my hips softly.

"I didn't mean it like that," I said, smirking. "I was hoping we could just talk."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh sure, just sit in my comfy lap, and we can chat," he said sarcastically and shifted uncomfortably under me. I smiled and grinded him, teasing. "Kyle, come on... Stop. Me in a too good mood, plus you trying to talk to me seriously just doesn't work." I smiled at his implication and inevitably grinded him more. He rolled his eyes and kissed me lightly. "Shall we go inside?" I nodded submitting to his usual desire to remain "calm".

As we walked in, I saw my friend. She was a rebirth, an angel, meaning she was mortal, but when she died and went to the spirit world, a sort of heaven, she would reborn again to the mortal world.

She shied away from me immediately, after all I was a demon. Not that being a demon makes me unattractive it just makes all positively charged aura beings have an instinctive repulsion to me, and just so you know my demonhood makes me naturally very appealing. A glamour of sorts. Lilith looked at Zack as he sat down on the couch next to me and said "OK I'ma' get going"

"Lill wait. why are you leaving?" I asked inquisitively

"I'm sorry I just have to. I can't take any chances with getting involved."

"But I need you!" I yelled as a knee jerk reaction as she was halfway out the door. She stopped and turned looking at me as if I was crazy. "I need you to translate Lexicon" I said lowering my head and voice in the shame of it all. She looked at me like a deer in headlights. "I've had Lexicon in my possession for all my life but I don't understand how to read it. I think that maybe it will help me understand why they are after me." Poor Zack just sat and stared completely clueless. He did not know the M.P.A. were after me, at least now Lill knew why. "Please, I know you don't want to be a part of this but...you owe me," the rest of the sentence didn't need to be said. she already knew what I was talking about but I still continued. "you owe me for being there for Meg," I paused as we both flinched at the name, "you owe me for your sisters life." I stopped there the memories were to bitter for me to face. For I know that I gave her her death too.

Us sitting in the backseat of the car waiting for Lilith and then the crashing noise of the window...my hand covering Meg's mouth and then the sound....that life shattering sound...and the blood...so much blood....

Zack pulled my head to his chest sensing my distress. I grabbed on to him and held him tightly trying to make the memory stop. I hide my face, and more importantly my tears of weakness.

Zack began to hum the song we used to sing back when we three were in the band with Meg. It was the same song that the vampire girl and I sung. The relaxing memories of me falling in love with Zack and finally understanding my demonhood filled me up, and brought me a small amount of inner peace. Once I had calmed down I look back up at Lilith. She was sitting on the floor crying silently. I got up off the couch and walked next to her and sat down. I held her close to me in a hug and began to sing the song that we all knew by heart. Funny how our band, White Crows which originally being comprised of me, Zack, Lilith, and Meg, held happy memories for us when at the same time they could remind us of our darkest hour.

"We are ....the unknown ....the unwanted and we're all alone... We are... the lost among the-found......white crows cry and cry ...while you just turn your eye your eye ...white crows are bleeding and... no... one... cares...you...could never....care... for...me...you think I don't exist........ You believe I'm crazy... you just don't understand......you just long for... someone...to... hold...and pull so close...that they can't... breath...as you realize.......white crows cry and cry ...while you just turn your eye your eye ...white crows are bleeding and no... one... cares...you could never...understand...that I am... the lost among the found...it's so pro-found... I can't breathe...I can't breathe!!... Let!! Me!! Go!!... Its time to fly...again.....goodbye"

When Lilith stopped humming the base guitar notes she looked up at me "OK I'll do it for Meg....after all she would have done it for you if she was still among us." Meg was also a angel but no one is sure if she will comes back because the rebirthing process for angels is overly complicated. I nodded, got up, helped her up, and walk over to the couch where Zack was sitting and drumming on the arm to the next song we would have done in the set. I stood in front of him had put my hand on his to stop him from drumming. He looked up at me startled.

"OH...sorry I kinda zoned out for a minute there."

I smiled "it's OK Zack I don't mind. I know how you get when you hear that music." I sat on my legs next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. My hands rested on his thigh.

"Well we will need some groceries because Lexicon will take a while to translate. After all it's huge!" Lilith said with a great lack of enthusiasm for the work ahead and a motion to the back pack I had carried, with Lexicon in it of course.

"I don't need the whole book translated Lilith. I just want the back of the front cover and the table of contents translated." I said calmly as I subconsciously ran my fingertips up and down the inside of Zack's thigh.

Lilith looked at me confused "The back of the front cover? Why is there anything there? There shouldn't be anything there right? I mean most book have those parts blank."

"My..." I grew lost looking for the right word "dad...for lack of a better word...wrote some stuff on the inside and I want to know if he gave me anything useful, I also need the contents done so I can figure out why shouldn't I just hand over the book to the M.P.A."

"Anything...useful?" Lilith looked even more confused now.

While Zack just sat next to me and snickered at how little Lilith understood. Even though Zack probably knew even less than she did. Finally he said "Lilith, you're better off not trying to understand. Let Kyle do what he needs to do. It's his business on why things need to be done a specific way."

I looked at Zack and laughed "So that's what you think." I smiled and turned so that I was sitting sideways and facing Zack.

He looked at me, dejected "It's just what I have come to believe I should do most of the time. After all you're not very good at explaining things because you have all those Demon laws to follow."

My smile faded "I don't follow the rules and I'm sorry that...that you feel like I don't care to tell you anything...it's just...it's hard to understand for you and I don't want to strain you."

"Yet you tell her?" Zack said looking hurt

"I was only explaining what she deserves to know by helping us."

He sighed deeply "Why don't I deserve to know? Why can you keep secrets to me?"

I frowned and heard Lilith leave the house to probably go get groceries and avoid getting caught in the argument between me and Zack. "I'm not keeping secrets from you...we aren't talking about secrets at all... just hard to understand facts...Zack... just take a step back and think. You aren't thinking before your speaking."

Zack then took a deep breath and sat with his eyes closed. At first it looked as if at any second he would turn and punch me but when his eyes opened he had completely calmed down. "OK I understand. I'm sorry I totally was acting like a little girl there."

He smiled and so did I. I leaned over and kissed Zack's cheek. He giggled softly and kissed me on the lips. "I love you, everything about you, and all the things you say or do. Even if they don't make sense."

I kissed him back and chuckled "and I love you no matter how you feel about me, my heritage or my actions." he smiled.

"OK you win...for now...and only because I love you so much that I know it will make you feel better." his grin widened.

I laughed. "You are such a suck up."

He grinned at the implied joke. "I'm only a suck up to you." he winked, I smiled and laughed harder. After the laughter had died he yawned. "We should get some sleep love."

"I'll never understand your sleep schedule Zack. Its barley evening."

He smiled. "Nope" he twisted and stretched irregularly as he transformed into a wolf. I laid back on the couch and relaxed. Zack laid delicately on my chest. I pet his head softly and he made an amusing attempt at purring and failed epically.

"OH please stop you sound like a dying cat"

He snarled at me saying "And your purring noises sound like a horny demon...oh wait" he made a dog version of a chuckling sound. I rolled my eyes and pushed his muzzle a little. "Bitch..." he jumped of the couch lifted his hind leg, threatening to mark his territory all over me and the couch "Oh man...dude don't even joke around about stuff like that! That smell would last for months! I get it you're a MALE dog!" he sniggered then returned to his place on top of me and we slowly drifted into sleep.

Chapter 3

I hate Monday nights

I woke up in the middle of the night to Zack whimpering and shaking on top of me. I slide from under him and shook him gently. "Zack...babe...are you all right?" he woke with a start and jumped of the couch seemingly in a mad panic. "Zack it's over you're alright" I got down and wrapped my arms around him as he shook violently "Are you changing back or you really shaking?"

"Both, now please give me a second to change." he barked.

I slid back a few feet and watched Zack's body tremble more and then remain still. He suddenly stretched and his body transformed into its more dominant form. When he turned towards me I saw several tears rushing down his face. "Zack! It's OK, it's all over now, you don't need to cry."

I pulled him close to me and he began to sob. "I had a terrible nightmare...I was-" he cut himself off and began to shake again.

I hugged him tighter. "Is there anything I can do for you Zack? Something to drink or..." I pulled his head up out of my chest so I could look him in the eyes. "Something I can do to distract you from you dream."

He remained silent for the longest time...thinking. Finally he looked up and spoke softly. "Tell me about you past...and...and...... everything! Just tell me anything I don't know!"

He began to cry again. "Zack... Was your dream about me and the 'secrets' you think I'm hiding?" he nodded slowly though I knew by the look in his eyes this was a lie. "OK I'll tell you everything need, want, or not care to know OK?" he nodded again. I could tell that he was thinking about the dream he had. "OK mmm...how do I start this...I guess I should explain my past first...I'm going to tell you this like a story OK?" I didn't wait for an answer and just began.

A thirteen year old boy sits on the bottom step of a staircase. He was punished in a manner that is considered illegal by mortal law. In his fathers eyes his crime was that he supposedly had made his mom cry. Or at least that's what he was told. So now he sat on the stairs. Bruises stained his light colored skin. He had been abused by his own father. The worst of it all is that he has been abused like this so often that he never cries about it anymore. Never do tears roll out of his blackened eyes during the punishment or after now. His mother had indeed been crying that morning, but not because of some action of her son, because of the actions of her husband.

She was a pure vampire demon. Her blood had not been tainted by a mortal. He was a pure demon. Originally their union was typical and common. The loved each other for the "romance", but then it got complicated, and the mother gave birth to a young boy. Demons, typically, aren't allowed to breed because one of the parents is bound to take an "attraction" to the child. This "attraction" causes the parent to desire to have a different kind of relationship with the child, and this case was no exception.

The mother had a plan. To save he son and her sanity. She would travel to the spirit world with her husband. There she would find a way to get rid of her despicable husband and live happily with her child.

Now it is the morning after the mothers plan had come to fruition. The young boy, left behind on purpose, awakens from his bad dream calmly as if it was a pleasant one. He looks around for any sign of his father. Last night was the same as always he gets punished for no reason and then his punisher becomes apologetic and makes amends by doing the same actions that were taken when he was punished. The only difference between the two actions was the words his father spoke. His body was sore and difficult to move. His legs and chest had fresh bruises on them. He examined his wounds and decided that they were not as bad as others he had. He got up slowly and painfully. His first job was to cover his bruises so that his mom won't cry again and he won't be punished. He found a pair of pants, a long sleeve t-shirt, and a pair of boxers. All were loose enough to not pressure the fresh bruises. He also grabbed some of his sister's old makeup. His sister was first born. Six years before the boy, she had endured the same torments and had run away long ago. The boy put the old skin tone makeup on his black eye to conceal it. Then he looked around for his mother so he could bid her good morning and show her he was alright. He did not find her. Instead he found a letter. It was written in his mother's hand. It told the boy of his breed and of his mothers plan, but it did not say the most valuable thing. What he was to do in this innumerable time alone.

I finally paused from my reverie and looked up at Zack. "Thank you," he said in a calm voice "you look tired why don't you get some rest. I don't need to hear anymore tonight." looking up at him I realized something. I was crying. Zack pulled me close to his chest and helped me back on to the couch. I sat limply there beside him. His arms engulfed me in a hug of passion and sympathy. Then softly he began a soft tune. I had never heard it before but it sounded so familiar. The soft notes trickled like rain. I closed my eyes calmly and slowly leaned close to Zack and lightly put my arms around him. I looked at them. There they lay calmly at his hips. He began to lie back slowly still humming the lullaby. My body moved downward with his and soon my head laid on his chest and my arms now laid delicately at his waist. For some reason I decided to read his mind. I focused on emptying my mind and then I slipped into his. His thoughts were as follows.

He looks so innocent laying on top of me. It's like he lost so much of his childhood he remains completely pure at heart, but at the same time he is so mature....or rather tries to be...he tries so hard to be my protector when really I'm the one protecting him. Protecting him from all the things that could take his innocence away.

At that point I left him to his thoughts. He was right in a way I guess. Though I know I would never outwardly admit it. So I closed my eyes once more and let the feelings of pain drift away. I was for a moment glad that my dad had done the things he did. For it provided me a way to counteract the pains of reality, but this feeling only lasted a moment for the sacrifice to obtain such ability is not worth the pain endured.

Chapter 4

How to make orange juice out of lemons

I awoke lazily, Zack lay under me still snoring softly. I smiled and kissed his lips. Slowly his eyes opened. "Good morning" I said as he looked down at me.

He yawned and stretched as he tied to obtain consciousness. "Mornin' honey" he smiled at me and stretched some more.

"I am not your honey" I said and smiled back

"OK babe" he grinned wider. He definitely was awake now.

"You quit it. You have to remember I'm on top of you right now and I'm much stronger than you" I threatened him by pinning him down to the couch.

"What you gonna do? Rape me?" he smiled and started to laugh. While I tried to remain serious looking.

"You can not rape the willing." He laughed, though I could see it in his eyes he was worried I was going to do something I'll regret, but I continued. I leaned in and pinned his arms with one hand to the arm of the couch. Now he was really worried. His face changed to complete seriousness.

"Kyle? You are still kidding...right?" he asked with some fear in his eyes.

I leaned me head close to his ear and said in a whisper "What makes you think I'm still kidding?" A little evil grin slid onto my face but Zack could not see it. I slid my hand down onto his hip.

"Kyle don't do it..." his voice shook with each word. I leaned closer to his neck purred softly in his ear and grinded him. Then I stopped and gave him a raspberry on his neck. He then laughed hysterically.

"Oh man! You got me there I really thought you were gonna do it."

I looked at him a little confused "Zack... what would I ever do to you that would hurt your feelings let alone why would I hurt you or take the chance of hurting you?" I released his arms and sat on the other side of the couch still smiling.

He straightened up and seemed serious again. "Well it's not like you would do anything but I was worrying that you would...lose your control."

I was shocked and my smile faded. "You don't trust that I can handle that?"

He looked at me sympathetically "How else did you expect me to react? After last night..."

"I thought you were just playing along but then it was so genuine. I thought you believed that I was going to...you know... and that was why you were all freaked out. I didn't think it had to do with my demonhood or vampiric instincts."

"I'm sorry I took it that way, but I know now. You have a lot of self control. I still can't help worrying" he smiled now trying to kill the argument. "Yah know...making you losing your self control sounds like fun though" a crooked smile slid across his face. He pounced on top of me and the sudden shift of weight made me fall off the couch with him on top of me. I started laughing, I had forgotten my previous worries just like that. He pinned me to the ground and began to growl at me which made me laugh harder. He let go of my arms knowing I would not fight back and put one hand on my cheek and the teasing the prominent buldge in my pants. I began to calm down and just snicker as he made an attempt at purring again and made no success at improving which made me laugh again, but then he looked deep into my eyes and silence broke across the room. The only sound was our heavy breathing. He leaned in close to me and whispered "I love you Kyle Jacob Miles."

I smiled and whispered "I love you too Zackarias Adolph Dawn." He frowned at me using his middle name.

"What I like your middle name?"

"I don't...its German and it reminds me of the holocaust."

"It came to Germany from the Latin language so don't disrespect it. And doesn't it mean 'noble majestic wolf'?"

He scoffed "I'll give you wolf, but noble and majestic?"

I laughed and gently tried to get out from under him. "Woohh, now. I'm not done with you."

He pinned me down again and smiled. He leaned in close so our cheeks touched to mine and we listened to one anther's breathing. I closed my eyes listening more carefully. his breath was shallow and almost hesitent. He pulled back a bit and kissed me on the lips. I kissed back and became a tad aggressive about it. His hands retreated to where they were before I tried to get up. His one hand on my cheek slid back tangling itself in my hair and the other began to squeeze what it was before just laying on. I pulled back from the kiss and instinctively let out my breath in a low hissing sound. His grip tightened. My head arched back a bit and I reached down to his wrist and pressed a pressure point in his aura and he released his grip.

"Get up I think Lilith is coming home." I said quickly trying to cover up my true feeling for that moment. He snickered and got off me.

" You're just using that as an excuse because you liked it. I should know." he smiled evilly at his truthful implication and sat back on the couch. The moment he did Lilith opened the door.

Chapter 5

Nothing like a refreshing glass of orange juice to comfort a crazed demon

Lilith came in with a pile of groceries and didn't notice me move my legs from the ground to covering up my excitement. Zack snickered at my attempt at keeping what we were doing a secret. The clatter of Lilith putting away groceries broke the silence. She walked into the room avoiding eye contact with me. I rolled my eyes. She already had assumed what we were doing while she was gone and was obviously feeling very awkward about it. Zack snickered.

Lilith finally spoke,"I'm sorry if I interrupted something between you two but I wasn't going to just sit outside with the groceries because you two can't find a better room to do this nonsense in." I shied away from the discussion and drew Celtic symbols with my finger on the couch.

"Hey I'm sorry that we have a thing for this couch, and the floor, and that chair." he would have kept going if he hadn't started laughing so hard. Lilith and I relaxed a bit finally looking at me. We rolled our eyes and shook our heads at each other in mutual agreement that Zack was a dork. The funny thing about all this is that it wouldn't be that bad if Lilith wasn't an angel, because angels do not partake in any romantic activity even just teasing. Otherwise they become fallen angels and lose most of their abilities including the ability to be reborn. So naturally Lilith hates the idea of romance. Especially since I ruined her sisters life that way. Zack finally stopped laughing after he realized he was the only one who found the joke amusing at the moment.

"Hey let's get started on Lexicon! If we start now we should be done by midday." as I spoke everyone nodded, happy to leave the subject behind. Even Zack was happy because him and I aren't the kind of guys to rush in a relationship with guns blazing. We only recently had started making gestures to doing things, but never actually doing those things. We just tease each other.

Lilith let out a sigh and made three glasses of orange juice for us. We had been staring at Lexicon for two minutes trying to decide who should do the honors of opening it. Finally I opened the book and a sickening smell filled the room. Lilith gasped after staring at the red ink on the inside of the front cover and fell to the floor. She had fainted. Me and Zack took her to the infamous couch and laid her down. I pushed a few pressure points in her aura to awaken her. As soon as she was awake she began to cry. "What's wrong Lil?" Zack asked confused as I was.

"That book is wrong!!" she yelled "it's written in blood!! And on the inside of the front cover, it's written in angel blood!! Your Blackblood father hurt an angel so he could write in that stupid book!!"

I stood there, paralyzed at the actions of my father, knowing where he got the blood. "I think that you can only write in it if you use blood of a spirit so because angels are the only technical 'spirits' in the mortal world that's all he had to write with." I said numbly.

Lilith looked at me sympathetically "Either way I'm not reading that book for you... it's written in some ancient demon tongue."

I looked at her confused. "But how are we going to read it then? Why would my dad...still for a lack of better word...write a message in a language I can't read?"

Lilith sat calmly "Kyle, you can read it. It's just, encrypted version of the modern language."

As Zack finally spoke I realized I had completely forgotten he was sitting right next to me. "We need to crack the code?"

I looked at Zack and smiled "Yep, that is exactly what we need to do." I paused and looked at Lilith "You stay here and get some rest...and Lilith..."

She looked up at me numbly and spoke in almost a whisper "Yes Kyle?"

I took a deep breath "I'm sorry I brought you into this but thank you for being there for me."

She looked away now "Kyle don't you remember? I didn't so this for you I did it for Megara's sake."

I frowned at how much she truly disliked me "Still...thank you." and with that I got up and walked over to the kitchen table were Lexicon sat delicacy open with the smell of blood and decay surrounding it. It took me and Zack two hours before we finally cracked the code then an additional hour for translating it all. The inside letter in the front cover read as follows

My son,

Oh, how I long to see your face now...if I am even still alive when you read this. I always wanted to see you turn into a nice strong man that your mother will be proud of and I could love passionately. But alas, I was not aware of your mothers desire to leave you behind and travel with me to the spirit world. But, that's OK. I'll be back by your side soon, if I'm not already. Ahhh, my beautiful love how I long to wake you from your repose as I write this and kiss you one last time, but I shall not, for it would seem too much like goodbye and I know I will be back with you someday my love. I know you shall remember me fondly and miss our romantic times together as much as I. Alas, it is time for me to go now thank you my love for being mine for so long and remember you are always my love, my passion, and my beautiful boy.

With undying love,

Your father

I stared at the letter in disgust at my father's delusion of my caring for his abuse and dare calling it love and passion. Zack just stared dumfounded by the reality of my situation. I sighed and began to read the table of contents that we had translated.

Necronomicon

Or

Lexicon

Table of contents

1 manipulating beings via their chakra/aura networks

2 controlling animals and half-breeds

3 obtaining the ability to travel to the spirit world freely

4 controlling the mortal beings

5 transporting beings from one world to other worlds

6 going to hell

7 gaining immortality

8 raising the dead

9 obtaining power over a specific angel

I breathed heavily as I read each chapter title. Each title beconing me to read more, to fall into its darkness and sin. I caught myself before I turned the page. Zack quickly closes the book before my eyes.

"Give this to Lilith and tell her to hide it somewhere I can never find it." I stared at the book as Zack walked away and gave it to Lilith. His lips moved but I herd nothing, only the whispers of sin.

I was trapped in the temptation of the books contents and could not distract myself. I could control Zack if i wanted, go to the spirit world and find my mother, I could stop those who get in my way, I could become imortal and kill my father. I could bring her back. Lilith spoke to me but I still did not listen I finally herd Zack say "do it now before he does something stupid." I looked up at Zack terrified at the thoughts that ran through my head. Then back at Lilith as she bolted out the door to hide the book and I moved without me, my vision began to blur. Next thing I knew I was meters away from the house pinned to the floor by Zack in his wolf form.

"Kyle calm down you know this is for your own good." I pushed him aggressively off of me and pinned him to the floor in one swift movement not seeing the pain I was causing him. "Kyle please stop your hurting me" with those words and the expression on his face I stopped and stared into black space as the memory flashed through my mind.

My father was on top of my yelling at me and stripping me. I was crying madly and yelling for him to stop and that his actions were causing me pain. But he wouldn't stop he just yelled back that I'd like it and I should stop crying or he'd never let me go. I stopped crying slowly and he smiled at me telling me I'm a good kid and then his head lowered and he kissed my chest and began to slide his lips downward and I began to cry silently as he began to defile me for the first time. After a while he stopped and looked up at me and said something and began to strip himself down then began to kiss my neck and grind me. I began to sob. He yelled at me and told me to stop and when I didn't he forced me to....

At that moment I shook my head and madly tried to get back to reality. I opened my eyes and found I was laying down on the couch and Zack was sitting at my side. My breathing was rough and heavy as tears stained my face. "You awake yet Kyle? Kyle?" I was silent staring in to open space again. I couldn't stop the memory from coming back.

I began to choke as he pushed it in my mouth and I would not stop crying. As he continued he suddenly let out a long loud moan and something was filling my mouth. I slide out from under him and began to spit the fluid out. As soon as I saw it I was horrified. At that moment I ran leaving my dad moaning in pleasure on my bed. I ran to my mother's room and opened to door crying unable to move anymore. She ran up to me and kept saying that she would have helped but the door was locked and that she was sorry and she would talk to daddy. I was happy in my mother's arms.

I awoke again to Zack shaking me panicing yelling my name. "Hey stop its OK I'm awake now." he stopped shaking me then held me close to him. He too was crying. I suddenly felt like I was a kid again and Zack was my mother holding me in her arms. Slowly my arms wrapped around his waist content in this position. He picked up my chin and kissed me.

"Are you OK? I figured you where having another flash back but I didn't know how to stop it."

"Yes, I am fine...but are you OK? Did I hurt you? Did I...lose control?"

He sat shocked for a minute but then calmed down "No, I'm OK. Just a little bruised. Nothing big though...and...no you didn't lose control... well I think you didn't."

I looked at the bruises on his arms and legs from when I pinned him to the ground so aggressively but then realized something. "What do you mean by you think?"

He bit his lip "Well you weren't touching me in any sexual way but you were screaming like I was...touching you... and then you started calling me daddy... was you flash back of when he...yah know...?"

I nodded. He instantly hugged me again and hummed that strange lullaby again. This time though I figured out where I knew it from. It was a lullaby my mom would sing me to make me feel better after my dad abused me. I pulled from the hug "Where did you learn that song?"

He smiled "Don't you remember? When we were just preteens at the orphanage you always sang that song to me when I had a nightmare about the car accident."

He was right of course. I was surprised I had forgotten about those days. We were friends when my parents were still around but I always felt ashamed talking to him and him seeing my bruises, which is why, up until now, Zack never knew about my parents or why they vanished. "Hey Zack... there is still plenty of daylight why don't we go swimming?"

He smiled and nodded, happy to be rid of the subject of our pasts.