Hejira 28
Episode 28: Gareth crumbles, but Sarvah is there to pick up the pieces.
Hejira: Sanguine Wave
By Mantrid Brizon
Episode 28: Companion
She can’t believe that has she finally found him, after over two weeks of searching. Her excitement makes her tremble, as though touched by an icy wind. She shivers, gazing into his purple eyes; they appear melancholy, as though he were ashamed she has found him here. She rushes him, quickly leaping upon him. He falls backward from the log he sits upon, landing with a thud onto the ground as she straddles his pelvis.
“I’m sorry! I’m just so glad to see you!” She exclaims.
“I’ve missed you too.” He replies softly.
Sarvah nuzzles him with her snout, forgetting all about the atrocities he’s committed.
“Is somebody there?” A nervous man’s voice calls into the night.
Climbing off of him, Sarvah helps Gareth up. They slip away from the village in the dead of night, heading back to the camp where Kelly sleeps. Sarvah leads the way, holding Gareth by the hand. Glancing over to him, he appears a million miles away. She reaches out and gently pulls the keffiyeh from his face. His lips are curled down in a small frown, and his eyes turn away from her.
“You do not look happy to see me…” She says as her eyes begin to water.
“It’s not that… I…” He pauses. “I wasn’t expecting you to find me; I didn’t want you to see any of this...”
He stops and rests his head in his hands, falling down to his knees. Sarvah’s heart aches as she watches him.
“Who were you expecting?” She asks, kneeling before him.
“Mercenaries. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I thought if I created enough chaos, people would hunt me down and I could die in combat. They wouldn’t know that I wasn’t fighting with my full potential.” He explains.
“What?!”
Sarvah’s heart breaks at his revelation; his sorrow is boundless. Reaching out, she wraps her arms around him and embraces him tightly, her chin atop his head.
“Why did you come for me? I’m not worth it.” He struggles to speak as he cries.
“Of course you are.” She answers, petting the back of his head.
“I’m a fucking monster... Look at all I’ve done. Look at what I’m doing. I tried to kill ten humans for every arrow that struck her. But... It’s not what she would’ve wanted. What did these people ever do to me, besides exist?!” He cries out, his voice trembling as he weeps.
“You’re not a monster. You’re Gareth. We can bring you back and everything will be better.” She coos.
She nuzzles his cheek with her snout. She can’t believe that she’s gone this long without seeing or touching him; he feels warm and comforting enveloped in her arms.
“If you had said that you wanted to leave, I would have gone with you. I don’t need the Feather Fingers, I... I would never let you go alone… I would kill and die for you, Gare.” She assures him.
Tears runs down his face and mat his fur as he slowly wraps his arms around her in kind, holding her tightly. She trembles as he squeezes her.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, or why I couldn’t do anything else but this. The closest logical reason was that it was the only way I thought I could bring about my own end without doing it myself... I’d never ask you to leave your people; I don’t want to risk your life. I’ve lost everything but you, and I couldn’t go on knowing that you’d died because of me. I’m already a mess, and everything is already my fault.” He admits.
“I will always come for you. Besides, when you care about someone, suffering sometimes comes with the territory.” She replies.
She rests her hand on the back of his head, running her white fingers through his hair. His arms tighten around her; she feels her heart flutter, and her body grows warmer. She no longer notices their surroundings. He feels a strange dichotomy within; he is torn between his hatred of himself, and a genuine desire to be redeemed. Sarvah’s arduous journey to find him makes him wonder; Maybe he is worth saving?
“I knew you would be upset when I left, but I never imagined you’d track me down… I’m glad you did…” He whispers.
“Please stop this, Gare. Come back home with me… I need you…” She speaks softly into his ear.
“Okay...” He nods. “I’ll stop. I’ll come back with you.”
Climbing up from the ground, she reaches a hand out to him. Her tender smile warms his icy heart. He looks up at her for a moment, feeling unworthy of her affection. Gareth takes her hand, gripping it gently as he pulls himself up. She leads him away from the sleeping village; it will remain untouched, as it should. She leads him through the woods, quietly approaching the campsite where Kelly sleeps peacefully. Gareth is surprised to see Kelly there as well, silently pointing.
“That idiot wouldn’t take no for an answer. He’s lucky I didn’t leave him behind.” She whispers.
“I’m glad you watched over him.” Gareth whispers back.
“I knew it would upset you if he disappeared on my watch.” She adds.
He smiles, steps closer, and gives her a warm hug. For the first time that she can recall, he clings to her even longer than she does to him. They sit together on her bedroll. Gareth takes off his pack and stares into the empty firepit, looking at the cold ashes.
“While I was gone, I did a lot of thinking.” He begins.
“Yeah?” She turns to him.
“About Kahlera, about my life, about what I was doing. Every thought hurt, but whenever I thought of you... Ruling your people, making a home for yourself, and living your life... It hurt a lot less... I’m glad that you’re here with me.” He admits.
Her heart pounds fiercely as he speaks; she chokes on every word that she conjures, unable to respond. She reaches into her small pack and takes out the brass cross, presenting it to him.
“This belongs to you.” She smiles.
“No.” He stares fearfully at the object.
“Take it.” She urges.
“I’m not worthy. I’ve done horrible things, and I don’t deserve it.” He replies, his eyes welling with tears.
“Please? It might help you in the future.”
He rather nervously takes the cross from her open hand, slowly lifting it by the cord. Slowly slipping it over his head, Gareth places it around his neck.
“Thank you.” He meekly answers.
Looking down at it, he feels unworthy. The tarnished, brass pendant weighs heavier than it used too. He covers it with his hand, gripping it tightly. Sarvah leans closer, sliding an arm around his back. Reaching into his pack, Gareth takes out his sleeping bag. As he takes off the straps to unpack it, she reaches out and stops him. He turns to look at her. Shaking her head, she lies down and pulls him down with her. Lying beside each other on her bedroll, their noses touch for as they gaze into each other’s eyes.
“I want to keep you close. J-just in case you change your mind... During the night.” She somewhat nervously explains.
“I’m not leaving.” He replies.
“Humor me.”
Sarvah closes her eyes and rolls over as, pressing her back against his chest. Slipping an arm around her slender frame, they cuddle as they make themselves comfortable. Sarvah has never been so comfortable, even in her own yurt. They soon drift off to sleep. Kelly awakens the next morning, stunned to see Gareth sitting near him and cooking a breakfast of freshly picked mushrooms and some jerky that he had softened in water. Kelly sits up and rubs his eyes, wondering if he is still dreaming. Sarvah sits beside Gareth, handing him handfuls of freshly picked wild berries.
“Don’t worry. These aren’t the bad kind.” She smiles.
“Gary! Where have you been?! And how did you get here?!” Kelly asks in shock.
“Sarvah came for me last night. I was at a village a few clicks away.” He replies.
“You lied to me…” Kelly glares at her.
“Yes. I do that occasionally.” She smirks.
“Don’t take it personally.” Gareth adds.
“Whatever… Where’s the food?” Kelly asks.
Gareth softly chuckles, presenting him with a small breakfast. They sit in silence as they eat, mostly because they can’t think of anything to say after all that they had been through.
“So, what was that symbol you kept leaving behind?” Sarvah finally asks.
“It’s called a Chi Rho. It’s an ancient symbol. I don’t know why I picked it, or why I kept carving it. Maybe in the hopes that one would eventually remind me? Maybe to make it easier to be found, so then someone could stop me?” Gareth shamefully admits.
“You seemed to know were those villages were… How was that possible?” Kelly questions him.
“When I left, I walked south, hoping to run into any mercenaries or bandits so they could kill me in a ‘fight’.” Gareth begins, making little quotation marks with his fingers.
“You would have let them win?!” Kelly asks in shock.
“I lost nearly everything; my wife, child, my home. I even foolishly pushed away my only friends. Depression made me feel like it was my only way out. I found that small camp…” Gareth suddenly hesitates.
Staring down at the dirt before his paw-like feet, it’s clear to both of his companions that Gareth regrets what he’s done. Sarvah looks at him reassuringly, resting her hand on his shoulder and giving him a soft squeeze.
“So, afterward, I made it to a camp of Sahvorai that night. I knew about the villages because I traded a few coins for a copy of some hunter’s map. He had several copies, so I figured he could spare one. After that, I just went to the nearest village as fast as I could, moving from one to the other.” He finishes.
As though to prove his story to them, he reaches into the pack and retrieves an identical map to the one the hunter had shown them. Looking over his map carefully, Sarvah calculates their distance from Wildwood; they are roughly seventy-five miles from the settlement.
“We can be back in Wildwood in about a week, maybe even less if certain people will move their fat ass.” She says, glaring at Kelly.
“Hey, I kept up!” Kelly retorts. “Besides, a week isn’t so bad, considering the Hell we’ve already been through.”
“I always liked that name. I’m glad that you kept it.” Gareth smiles.
“Something I have to ask, though...” Kelly remarks.
“What?” Sarvah sighs in frustration.
Looking between the two, it’s clear to Gareth that they’ve been at odds since they left to find him.
“While you were out death-seeking, why would you? ... Most of those villages were small and harmless.”
Gareth turns his head down at Kelly’s question, his soul tormented by his actions. Closing his eyes, he sheds a regretful tear.
“I don’t know... Maybe to make me feel better? A place to focus the rage? Maybe I wanted to force others to hunt me down? I... I really can’t say with certainty.” Gareth answers.
“It’s alright. It’s all over now.” Sarvah says as she pets Gareth’s head.
She turns her eyes toward Kelly, glaring at him with an anger he hasn’t seen in her before. Shaking her head, she silently snarls. How could Kelly ask such a foolish and painful question?
“Let’s finish eating. We have a long walk ahead of us.” She speaks softly to Gareth.
As soon as they are done eating, they strike their camp and head directly for Wildwood, hiking through the woods. They walk from dawn until dusk. They arrive on the fourth night, even earlier than she had promised. By the time they make it back to Wildwood, the trio had been gone for twenty-five days. In that time, a few log and brick homes have been constructed, including Sarvah’s, while many more are partially constructed. Rinahra had followed her instructions faithfully, placing every building exactly where Sarvah had wanted it.
Naomi sees the trio approaching from the rooftop of her home, which she will share with Kelly. She rushes down to greet them, followed by Rinahra. Many of the citizens are amazed to see them returning with Gareth; by now, the story of Red Claw has reached Wildwood, as the nomadic Sahvorai that they had encountered on the road have arrived to trade with them, and potentially assimilate. Naomi latches onto Kelly, then hugs Gareth and Sarvah.
“It’s so good to see you! I was just about to consider doubting that you would find him.” She says to Sarvah.
“Well, I’m happy to almost prove you wrong.” She answers Naomi.
“Hello, boss!” Rinahra bows her head.
“Wow, this place has really come around.” Gareth thinks aloud.
Many of the villagers speak quietly amongst themselves. Whispering as they gather around, they can hear the name ‘Red Claw’ being thrown back and forth. Gareth lowers his head a little more at every utterance, his eyes scanning the villagers. Many knew him and greeted him with joy, but now the look at him with fearful apprehension.
“Come on. I will take you home!” Sarvah speaks loudly so that all can hear.
She leads Gareth by the hand, taking him through the cleared pathways of the town. Next to Sarvah’s own home was a smaller home with no one living it in. She had insisted upon its construction, intending for Gareth to live there. It was also adjacent to the home that Naomi and Kelly have, where their hut once stood when Gareth first left. Gareth’s belongings have already been moved inside, as per Sarvah’s instructions to Rinahra, before leaving on her quest to find him.
Entering the home, Sarvah follows close behind. He sits down on a straw bed with a feather-stuffed pillow, built atop a simple wooden frame. A faint smile spreads across his lips.
“Do you like it? I had it built for you.” She says as she sits beside him.
“It’s perfect. Thank you.” He nods. “You’re always so good to me, even when I don’t deserve it.”
They sit there for a moment in silence. Something seems to be bothering Sarvah. Her fingers fidget as she rests her hands on her knees. She takes a deep breath.
“Gare... May I share something with you?” She asks.
“Of course. You can share anything you want with me. I’m always here for you.” He assures her.
She sighs, a smile spreading across her face.
“Everything that Volaren had told you about me was true... When we met, I had not mated with a male in over two years. You were the first to touch me; before then, I was preparing to pair myself to another man... A human. He betrayed and hurt me, very badly. Despite what I’ve said to tease you or make you feel jealous, I have always been monogamous.” She begins.
He sits silently, listening to her as she continues.
“I’m sorry.”
“He left me unexpectedly, right before our pairing ceremony... For a human woman...”
“Oh...” Gareth feels himself flush with embarrassment.
“It destroyed me. It’s why I went so long without looking for a partner before we met; I never felt adequate enough as a female to ever pursue men that I was attracted to. It didn’t help that my status and attitude often repel all but the most repulsive of men.”
“I don’t understand…” He speaks up.
“I know. I came on very strong when we met... Your personality and charm felt like flirting, and when you admitted to liking Sahvorai, I believed that you were attainable to someone like me...” She continues.
“Someone like you?” He sounds offended.
“Someone so flawed and inadequate.” She meekly replies.
“Don’t ever talk like that.” He sternly remarks, embracing her tightly.
She’s taken aback by his comforting grip. When she envisioned herself telling him this, she worried that he’d judge her.
“I couldn’t keep my own man happy; he left me. How can I be worthy of a good mate, when I am such a pathetic example of a female?” She attempts to reason with him.
“That’s what I don’t understand… How could anyone ever leave you?”
“Wha-?” Sarvah turns her head to him.
“You’re beautiful, intelligent, charming, sweet, loving, and you have an army of loyal soldiers who can behead them at a moment’s notice.” He says with a wink.
Sarvah chuckles, briefly sniffling. This is the personality that first drew her to him, and it lightens her heart to hear it again.
“I suppose...” She murmurs.
“Those are facts, sweetheart.” He retorts.
“I first wanted to mate with you to feel something again, because you were charming, attractive, and interested in me. I’ll admit that after we mated, I... Well, your rejection afterward somehow only made me more determined. I don’t understand it myself.” Sarvah continues.
“I’m sorry about that. Had I not already cared so much for Kahlera I-”
“It is why I never harmed.” She interrupts him. “Even though I was terribly jealous of her, I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you by hurting her. I even did everything in my power to befriend her, so that I could stay close to you. All that time getting to know you and who you really are... It’s why I cannot let you go.”
“Well, I don’t want you too anymore.” He says softly.
“... Really?” She turns to him.
“You were the one to track me down for three weeks. You moved a tribe to stay close to me. You befriended Kahlera and mourned with me when she died...”
He hesitates, taking a deep breath before he continues.
“You’ve been the most loyal, trustworthy, and caring friend I’ve ever had in my life. When I was out there alone, remembering you brought me back from the edge, and I came close with Vetra. I’d always heard that everything happens for a reason, and then I realized something…”
“What’s that?” She asks, looking at him anxiously.
“I only stayed away because I knew you’d be ashamed of me and the things I’ve done; I would have rather died in battle than see you disown me for my crimes.”
“Gare... I could never do that.” She chokes.
“I swear on my life that I will never leave you like that ever again. If for whatever reason I have to, I’ll tell you, and you can decide when you want to do.”
She latches onto him, holding him tightly in her arms. As he also wraps his arms around her slender body, he can feel her trembling.
“You’re shaking. Are you alright?”
She’s already gone this far. Why hold back any longer?
“You’re a much better man than the previous one I was with, even before he left. Our personalities even complement each other. I... I truly love you, far more than I have ever loved anyone.” She nervously and sincerely confesses.
She had never spoken the words aloud before, in nearly a year of knowing him. With her arms pulling tightly, her body shaking with nervousness and her tail wagging, he knows that she’s sincere. With his time in the woods racing through his mind, he recalls every conversation that they’ve ever had. Every smile she gave him, every joke they’ve shared, and her zeal to help him. So quickly she wanted to rush into the room where his body was transformed, where everyone, even Kahlera, stood outside to watch. Leaving her entire tribe, she trudged through the woods, dragging along and protecting Kelly, for his sake.
He had the time to realize her feelings to their fullest extent, but hearing the words and feeling her embrace makes him now realize his own.
“I love you too.” He softly replies.
Sarvah’s grip tightens as she cries tears of happiness. He strokes her back gently, and her muscles slowly relax. They impulsively nuzzle each other, their snouts brushing their cheeks. She backs away to gaze into his eyes. They stare at each other for a moment, her eyes narrowing as she looks to him with desire. Pressing their lips together in a brief peck, it quickly evolves. Passionately kissing each other again and again, Sarvah is pleasantly surprised as he makes his move, pulling her atop him to straddle his pelvis.
Sarvah follows every subtle hint he gives her; she’s wanted this since the first time they’ve mated. One of her hands grips the back of his neck as their tongues entwine each other. Moving her body to the side, she slides off of him and leans back onto his bed. Gareth climbs over her in passion’s white heat. She pushes him back for a moment to remove her top, pulling it over her head, revealing her ample, perky breasts. He unbuttons and drops his pants before pulling off his vest and shirt, tossing them aside.
Quickly removing her skirt, she lay naked as she presents herself to him. Climbing atop her and kissing her neck, she closes her eyes and rests her hands on the soft, gray fur of his back. Placing himself between her legs, she pulls one back, hooking it behind his waist and above his long, cat-like tail. Sarvah rakes him with her claws. She can’t feel him soon enough.