FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It took me a while to fully accept that the sky that had been ripped right out of a cheap sci-fi flick was real even though it was completely absurd. Planets can't be that close together, yet there they were hanging in the sky, hazed by the atmosphere. There was a sun that looked more red than yellow, and the black thing that hurt just as much to try and look into as the sun. I wasn't sure what it could be, but it appeared real. The heat baking my skin was definitely real. Just as real as that screeching that was steadily growing louder. I shook my head and glanced down at the mountainside below. There was a wriggling cloud of grotesque faces and brightly colored wings quickly approaching my position from the forest.

"Oh, fu—" I managed to utter as I threw myself to the ground and put my arms over my head. The swarm of bat/butterfly creatures charged into their home, sweeping right over the top of me as they poured back into the entrance with a deafening din of screams.

When they passed I pushed myself off the ground, my clothes freshly soaked with incontinent bat-terfly stink. I looked back at the cave one final time with disgust as the sound faded inside. I was so done with that place.

"I guess they went and got a drink," Zoe remarked.

"Good for them," I growled.

"You know, now that I think about it," Zoe piped up brightly, "this place is familiar."

"What? Really? You know where I am?"

"Um... I think so, but it was a long time ago and I was really young. Something like Zam or Zig, I think?"

I untied the parka from my waist and searched through the pockets. The book was still there and I pulled it out. Like everything else I had it was wet, but still legible.

"Xog?"

"Maybe?" Zoe said without conviction. "I was only here for a few days but I remember the black sun. I have never been to any other world that had one."

"You've been to other worlds?"

"Sure, lots of them. Haven't you?"

I looked at the cover of Sovereign of Xog closely. Sure enough, behind the two characters in a cliche sword-and-sorcery pose was a Saturn-esque planet next to a dark sun.

"This is crazy," I mumbled.

"So where do we go now?" Zoe asked.

"I have no clue." I grabbed my luggage and stuffed the book into it, having every intention of reading it later. It might have some important information. After double checking the pockets of my parka all I found the ticket stub. For whatever reason I decided to keep the ticket then I dropped the parka on the ground. Given the heat, had lost any affection I had for the overstuffed jacket, especially since it had a big hole in it and smelled like piss. I unbuttoned my shirt and let it hang open to try and cool off. "I have to get out of this sun and there's no way I'm going back there," I declared as I waved Zoe toward the cave.

I scanned the forest below looking for any signs of civilization. A building, a road, a telephone pole... anything at all, but it was just jungle canopy that stretched unbroken clear to the orange ocean. That wasn't reassuring, but the jungle did appear like the best direction to go. There would be shade and hopefully water. I didn't know much about survival, but I knew finding water was the really important part. Get that first and worry about the rest later. I started down the rocky side of the mountain.

The going was difficult and the jungle was further away than I thought. The mountainside was a uniform slope that was largely covered with broken shale held together with small, barely-alive shrubbery. It was not so steep that I had to crawl, but steep enough that I had to descend sideways to maintain my footing when the shale rubble broke loose in mini landslides. The fact that the shoes I was wearing were intended more for hiking downtown instead of down mountains didn't make it any easier. To her chagrin I had to put Zoe in her sheath to mitigate the hazards of descending. Even though she was about as sharp as a brick, I was not keen on falling on her. Although if I did happen to fall Zoe would be the least of my worries and I'd make it to the jungle quicker than I expected.

Halfway down I was getting weary and my legs were burning from exhaustion from my heels all the way up to my buttocks. For a while the urine soaked clothes helped keep me cool, but the suns baked off that temporary benefit. Sweat was pouring off me and my luggage kept threatening to drag me down the mountain. For future reference I vowed to travel with a backpack and not a stupid roller. The only saving grace was the incline was starting to lessen and I could do more walking and less shimmying. I had removed my shirt and put it over my head, letting it drape over my shoulders. That at least kept the suns from cooking my brain, not to mention stave off getting roasted by whatever alien spectrum of light I was bombarded with. I was so focused on my footing and keeping the heat off my face that I didn't notice that something was approaching until it was literally on top of me.

A shadow fell over me accompanied by a soft whirring noise and I discovered a strange vehicle floating above. Roughly about the size and shape of a city bus, it didn't have wings or propellers to keep it aloft, just a row of lights on the underside that flickered sequentially. It appeared to be made of dull metal or plastic that was colored the same shade of gray/blue as the sky. There were no windows on it, it was simply a box floating in the air. I pulled Zoe out of her sheath.

"What the heck is that?" I asked her.

"Looks like a floating box."

"I know what it looks like! What is it?"

"No idea."

I briefly considered running away, but where to? Running down a mountain is the height of stupidity. Running up one possibly worse. What's more, the vehicle could obviously fly faster than I could hope to run. I had no choice but to stand my ground.

The vehicle circled around my position before settling down close to the ground, but not actually landing. Whatever was keeping it in the air wasn't causing any turbulence and not even dust was getting disturbed by its presence. A panel on the side of the ship slid open. From the dark interior something emerged. Another floating box about the size of a garbage bin hovered out and approached me.

"Rszat, blak ral flut," the box spoke with a sharp, robotic voice. The top slid upward, revealing a slit with a glowing eye inside. Out of the sides of the box three arms emerged. Long serpentine arms with scale-like segments and clawed finger appendages on the ends. I stepped back and held up Zoe in front of me.

"What did it just say?"

"I don't know, but it sounded mean."

"Rzzat, blak ral fiut!" the box repeated firmly.

"Okay, you just stay where you are!" I demanded.

Undeterred, it approached me with arms waving about. One of the arms shot toward me and grabbed my shoulder. Its grip was cold, and I struck at it instinctively. Zoe was as effective as expected, not even denting the arm, but the strike did manage to dislodge its grip.

"It is prohibited to damage this archival unit," the box suddenly spoke in perfect English. A panel on it slid open and something stung me. "Please remain calm while you are processed." I looked down to find a small dart sticking out of my chest and quickly ripped it out. I took a step back as the world started to swirl around me and the ground stopped being where it was supposed to be. Zoe tumbled from my grasp and clattered onto the stone.

"Master Jake?" she cried out. "What's wrong?"

"I think I've been—" I murmured before staggering and tumbling over. I slid for several feet before my face smashed into a convenient, prickly shrub that stopped me. My brain was mushy and slow, and my body steadfastly refused to follow any orders.

"Are you dead?" Zoe asked.

"I–I can't move." I couldn't tell if I was actually talking or just hoping I was talking. I was aware of everything that was happening around me, just unable to do anything about it.

"Please remain calm," the box repeated. One of its long arms found Zoe and picked her up.

"Put me down, you ugly bucket!" she yelled.

"Minor energy signature discovered," the machine announced.

"Hey! I'm an adult!"

The box ignored her objections as it carefully examined her. One of the arms sprouted a glowing tip and it ran the light of it over her rapidly. The light made a strange buzzing similar to a dot-matrix printer.

"Cataloging complete." The robot spoke with a chime. "Power source: Primitive tool. Materials: Lecca tainted ferrous alloy and non-ferrous alloy. Designation: Knife."

"I am not a knife!"

"Beginning decontamination."

"Stop that!" Zoe demanded when a nozzle appeared from one of the arms and sprayed her. The substance had a strong chemical odor and foamed on contact. After a few seconds it slipped off of her, leaving her perfectly polished and glistening.

The machine set her down and grabbed up my luggage, scanning it like it did Zoe. It unzipped the top and started removing the contents, scanning and sterilizing everything it found before laying them all out precisely. In short order my clothes, underwear, and toiletries were all arranged on the ground.

"Energy signature detected," the robot spun around and an outstretched arm reached for me. I closed my eyes, expecting the worst, but the arm searched in my pocket and removed my phone. It quickly scanned it.

"Defective data device. Probable function: Tracking and population management camouflaged as a communication and entertainment device. Lack of a euthanasia option suggests the design is for a level one or level two overpopulation event."

The robot beeped. "Data retrieval requested. Initiating repairs." Arms emerged from the robot and they started poking at my cell phone. It quickly figured out how to pull apart the case and disassembled it. Tiny fingers poked at the circuitry, sparking and smoking as they tapped. More arms started attaching components, in a few moments it assembled the phone and the screen lit up.

"Data downloaded."

It sterilized the phone and set it aside. I hoped desperately that it would forget about me, but it didn't. It grabbed my arms and hoisted me up into the air.

"Leave him alone!" Zoe yelled.

"Whatever you want, just ask me, maybe I can—" But the machine ignored both me and Zoe. It ran the noisy scanner over my body and paused. The light of its eye flickering.

"New species discovered. Y chromosome detected," the bot announced. "Comprehensive analysis requested."

Oh... that didn't sound good.

More arms sprouted and started pulling and ripping at my clothing. It scanned and decontaminated everything it took off, and in sort order I was dangling naked in the air. It made a painful attempt to pull my hair before realizing it was attached. Then it ran the scanner over me again, this time slower and more deliberately. Taking care to get every hole, crack, and crevice a good once-over.

"Scan complete," the robot finally declared as the scanner withdrew. Well, that wasn't so bad. Incredibly humiliating, but not too bad.

"Beginning internal analysis phase."

Wait, what?

Another arm appeared, this one much thinner than the others and with a rounded tip that glistened with some clear lubricant.

"That better not be what I—" I was cut off as an arm grabbed my jaw and forced my mouth open. The appendage wormed its way in, slithering down my throat. It buzzed, clicked, expanded and contracted as it did whatever it was doing, reaching inside deeper and deeper. I gagged and choked, but the machine had no sympathy for my suffering. A second, similarly lubricated probe emerged from the box. I don't suppose I need to elaborate on where that one went.

The machine continued to sprout arms that poked, prodded, sprayed and produced various instruments as it analyzed me. Flashing lights into my eyes, sticking prods up my nose, bombarding my ears with varying levels of noise. Wherever the instruments went it took samples. Saliva, mucus, earwax, hair, etc. A cupped instrument was attached to my groin and forced me to give up every fluid I could produce, the probe squirming up my posterior helping that process along. Christ! It felt like the two probes were trying to meet in the middle! Needles were stuck into me at various spots, injecting something and extracting blood and samples from several glands. It even bored into the bone in my hip. The tranquilizer it had used prevented me from being able to struggle, but did little to alleviate any discomfort. The ordeal was easily the most unpleasant thing I had ever endured. Eventually it was finished and the probes withdrew from my body, taking a shockingly long time to get all the way out. I gasped in agony, feeling sore all over. The robot made a ding.

"Cataloging complete," it spoke. "New species designation: UN-459-01/Jake, Master. Sex: Male. Classification: Invasive. Survival probability: Low. Genetic compatibility: Inconclusive. Destructive potential: Inconclusive. Containment procedure: Monitor until further notice."

A new arm, this one with some form of drill on the end, slithered out from the box. I screamed as it screwed itself into my chest. Lights flickered on it before it detached, leaving something embedded in my flesh.

"Beginning decontamination." It sprayed me down with the foaming substance. It was freezing cold and fiercely stung my eyes and every open wound that had just been inflicted on me. The robot unceremoniously dropped me to the ground. "Thank you for your patience." It said as all the arms withdrew and the top slid back down. It turned and hovered back into the vehicle that rose off into the sky a moment later.

"Jake?" Zoe spoke. "Master? Are you okay?"

My body was slowly starting to function again. For a while all I could do was lay still, agonizing over what had just happened. I felt like I had just had my guts pulled out through every orifice, rearranged, and stuffed back in via my nose. I had been violated beyond my ability to comprehend. Eventually I managed to raise a heavy arm and put a hand on my face.

"Please be okay," she begged.

"I'm not dead," I said grimly. I just got raped by R2-D2, so I was far from okay. "And it's Jack".

I propped myself onto my elbows, shivering in spite of the heat. On my chest, right over my heart, was a blinking device. It was small, about the size of a pencil eraser, and poked out like an incorrectly placed mechanical nipple. I grabbed it and tried to pull it off, but it was firmly attached, not just to the skin but all the way down to the bone. I pried at it, but when I applied significant force the device beeped and gave me a shock. I've been tagged like a wild animal for study. I didn't think I 'd ever be able to watch a nature documentary again.

"That was..." Zoe started before stopping herself. "I'm sorry, Master. I wish I could have done something."

"It's fine." It was decidedly not fine, but I couldn't lay there and feel sorry for myself. I'd get baked into jerky in no time. I rolled onto my side and picked her up. "Were you hurt?"

"No... um... no. I'm okay. Just very clean." She sparkled brilliantly in the light. Her bronze pommel and hilt glistened like gold, and her purple blade sparkled with polished luster. At least she looked good, so there's that.

I got up on wobbly legs, taking a moment to adapt while the poison wore off. My belongings were scattered everywhere, and the powerful stench of the sterilizing spray hung in the air, which I suppose was better than everything being urine scented. The chemical must have been incredibly powerful since it even removed all the dye from my clothes, leaving everything stark white. Even my black luggage bag was now white. Everything was also dry and I guessed the chemical had a drying agent in it. I slipped on a fresh pair of underwear and put a shirt on to cover up the new bling I had attached to me. Didn't want to look at it anymore. I gathered my things back together, stuffing them back into the bag.

To my delight I found a bottle of water. I had been allowed one bottle in my carry-on and I had completely forgotten about it. The plastic had a small injury where the robot had punctured it, presumably to test the contents, but the damage had been repaired with some form of shiny patch. I quickly screwed off the top and took a swig, swishing it in my mouth before spitting it out. Probably wasn't the brightest thing to waste water, but I desperately wanted the synthetic flavor of the lubricant out of my mouth. The water was warm, but tasted fantastic. I drank half the bottle before I could stop myself. It was all the water I had so I should make it last. At least until I got to the jungle.

I picked up the book which the robot had cast aside. I flipped it open and found that the words were dim, but still legible, the spray hadn't bleached them out completely. The cover was in pretty bad shape, washed out like it had been in a sunny display window for 50 years. The most well-traveled and haggard unread book in the history of man.

My phone was a weird Frankenstein monster with new components attached to it that were technologically similar to the tag blinking on my chest. I opened the screen. Still no service, but it now had a full charge. Considering the thing in my chest shocked me when I messed with it, I put the phone in my suitcase to deal with later.

I repacked everything in my suitcase, put on a pair of pants, stuffed Zoe back in her sheath, and started down the mountain again. I put a shirt over my head like before, but this time I made sure to keep a close watch on the sky above me. If that flying box came back you can bet I'd be running down the mountain no matter how foolish it was to do so.