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POKEMON MAYHEM

EPISODE 4

Narrator: Welcome back, we join Ash and Co., and they pretty much had about the worst home coming ever. So finally, (ring, ring, ring. ring ring ring phone call) hold on sec.

The Narrator pulls out a cell phone and answers it.

Narrator: Hello?

Director: Damn you! Shut the fuck up! Why the hell are you on this show?! Who the hell hired you anyway?

Narrator: Umm... the new Director.

Director: WHAT NEW DIRECTOR!!!!! THERE'S NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE A SHOW YET TIL MYSELF AND EARL GET BACK FROM VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Narrator: Well, can I ask a question?

Director: Yeah, go ahead.

Narrator: I read the last three shows and there was only one narrator part but I didn't get a chance to find out what happened to him.

Director: WHAT I WROTE IT IN THERE!!! Oh well I’ll be glad to show you.

Narrator: How are you going to....

Just then, the Director appears right in front of the Narrator with Earl, both of them with glocks and shotguns in there hands. They then mow down the Narrator in a hailstorm of gunfire.

Earl: Crap, we forgot our Snack'ums...

Director: Nah, I grabbed them, don't worry.

Earl and the Director pull out a couple of chairs, and sit eating their Snack'ums.

Earl: Man these are better then the..... Hey where's the Snack'ums?

Director: ????? I have no clue.

They look around and see that Ash is holding a container of Snack'ums.

Earl and Director: DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!

Ash: Hey Brock's the Bitch!

Brock then comes out of nowhere and helps Earl and the Director beat the crap out of Ash.

Ash: AHHHHH!!!!!

After getting back the Snack'ums they go back to their chairs and sit back down.

Director: Well, shall we get today's show started?

Earl: Sure, How long am I in it?

Director: Well, I don't think that long, so far I just got you in the beginning.

Earl: That's good. Man, give me some more Snack'ums.

Director: Here you go.

Hands Earl his own canister of Snack'ums. Now they get ready to start the show. Everyone is on the set and in position.

Director: Okay, Lights... Camera... ACTION!!!

Ash: I Can Fly!

Director: Could someone please get Ash some Prozac, and shut him the Hell up?

Brock: I don't have any Prozac, but I have some animal tranquilizer.

Director: Whatever.

Brock then loads up a dart gun and points it at Ash.

Director: What the Hell are you doing?

Brock: This is how you administer animal tranquilizer.

Director: *Sigh* Whatever...

Brock then shoots Ash three times in the nads with the dart gun.

Ash falls to the ground, passed out. Earl then walks on the set and looks around...

Earl: Is it time for my cameo?

Director: No we haven't even gotten started yet. Ash's dumb ass is slacking off again.

Earl walks over to Ash's comatose body and kicks it repeatedly.

Earl: Damn, he's out cold. What will we do now?

Director: I guess well have to hold auditions to find a replacement. Ash is obviously not capable of this kind of responsibility as an actor. The audition will be held in a half an hour, spread the word.

* * *

30 minutes later... an assortment of people are waiting outside of the Director's trailer to audition for the part of the new lead character. Amazingly, a large number of them are dressed the same way Ash does.

The Director, coming out of his trailer: What the fuck......

Earl: We're out of Snack-- What the fuck...... That's it, I'm leaving, if anyone wants me, I'll be at the store.

Earl gets on his Harley, and leaves.

Director: Well I guess I'm all alone, best to get this over with quickly. I trust you've all taken a number? Good, let us begin.

1st guy in line steps up to the audition stage and introduces himself, his name doesn't really matter.

Director: Okay test for compatibility with the other cast members.

Pikachu walks up to the first applicant, takes one look at him and shocks the crap out of him and turns away. Misty walks up to him and takes one look at him, then kicks him square in the nuts.

Director: Next.

Number 2: Hello my name is James and I trying out for the part for the lead character.

Director: Okay let's do a scene.

Misty: Ohh look, I wonder what kind of pokemon that is?

James: Prepare for troub--

Pikachu shocks James so hard that he fly's off into the sunset.

James: LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF Agaiiiiinnnnnn!

Director: Next

This goes on for hours, each applicant worse then the last until there is finally no more.

Director: Well that's the last of them and we still don't have a star.

Misty: All those guys sucked, but did you have to kill them all?

Director: Yes.

Pikachu: I guess we'll have to make one of the current cast member the new star. *wink, wink. nudge, nudge*

Kirk: Why does this have to be about pokemon why can't it be about me?

Zombie Spock: Captain you are illogical.

Kirk runs off screaming like a little girl, with Zombie Spock running after him shouting "Illogical".

Misty: That was pointless.

Director: We need to get some better security around here.

Worf: Did someone say security?

Director: Get the fuck out of here you hairy Klingon bastard.

Worf: You have insulated my honor we must fight to the death now.

Just then, a dark purple Harley Davidson falls out of the sky landing on Worf, killing him.

Earl: Sorry I'm late, did I miss anything?

Director: No, not really.

Earl: Good, Snack'ums.

Offers the Director a canister of Snack'ums.

Director: Sure.

Earl: Found a new star yet.

Director: No, not anyone that could replace Ash.

Earl: Why don't we just use Brock?

Misty: Why don't we just bring back Ash?

Earl: Why don't you just shut your hole and blow me?

Misty: How 'bout you shut your hole before I shut it for you?

Earl pulls out a shotgun and shoots Misty in the face.

Earl: Rather not, thank you anyway.

Director: Damn it, Earl! We are not going to have a cast if we keep on killing them off.

I'll take your idea and use Brock as the star. Someone send for him.

Brock walks in a few minutes later.

Brock: You wanted to see me? Hey, what's that sound?

Faintly heard in the background (to the tune of the Lone Ranger):

Oh, no! Happy Missile Boy, Oh, no! Happy Missile Boy, Oh, no! Happy Missile Boy, Oh, no! Happy Missile Boy! Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Missile Missile Missile Boy! No No No Missile Missile Missile Boy! OH NO IT'S HAPPY MISSILE BOY!!!!!!!!!!!

Enters a man with missiles strapped to his body and missiles strapped to those missiles.

Happy Missile Boy: Hello, I'm Oh, No! Happy Missile Boy and I'm here to entertain you.

Director: What do you do?

ONHMB: I Juggle missiles.

Earl: Prove it.

Missile Boy unstraps some of his missile and juggles them.

Earl: I wonder if he can dance while he juggles?

Earl pulls out twin pistols and starts shooting at the Boy's feet.

ONHMB: Hey, Stop that, cut it out!

Missile Boy drops one of his missiles and it lands at feet, blowing off his left leg, ruining Earls aim, causing him to blow off Missile Boy’s right kneecap, thus causing him to fall down, dropping the rest of his missiles blowing himself to bits.

Director: Okay this is just..........

Then out of nowhere Holly the ship computer form Red Dwarf Appears.

Holly: Hello

All: AHHHHH!!!!

Holly: What?!

Rimmer: Holly you’re a gimp.

Holly: I'm a What?

Rimmer: You heard me.

Director: Okay... Who brought the people from Red Dwarf?

Earl: Who cares? While there here let them replace Ash.

Brock: Wait I’m Replacing Ash.

Director: I don't care anymore. Earl your in charge for a bit, I'm going to sleep.

The director goes to his trailer to sleep. While everyone else starts to panic.

Then all of the sudden music in the background starts to play.

Music: His coming. Are you scared? Devil without a cause..... (cuts off)

All: NOOOOO!!!!

Director: WHAT THE FU......??

Undertaker: Earl Return my bike!!!

Director: I knew it looked familiar.

Earl: Ahh Fuck! Now I’m Going to have to fight.

Director: So just blow him the fuck up so I can get back to sleep and KEEP IT DOWN!!!!!!

Ash: Ahhh I feel weird. AHHHH!! WHO THE FUCK SHOT ME IN THE NUTS!!!!!

Everyone falls down rolling on the ground laughing. Just then Lister walks in.

Lister: Hey every buddy. Ahhhh, What's that smeghead doing here? I tried to get away.....

Director:(In trailer) I Feel like I’m in a bad episode of Star trek.

Kirk then appears in the Director's trailer with Spock.

Director: Wait I thought I already kil... Ohh, wait, wrong episode, that was last one.

Pulls out a script. Flips a few pages and starts reading it over.

Director: Who's in this episode, wait this is just a bunch a non-sense. Who wrote this episode cuz I sure didn't....

Then a weird laughter starts to echo from behind him.

Voice: I did.

Then from out of the shadows comes Demo.

Demo: This is more exciting then Nexus. Hehe.

Demo pulls out a glock, shoots Kirk, Spock, blows off the trailer door, shoot's Holly, Lister, Ash, Misty, Tracy, Gary, M.M., and then Mutilates Pikachu.

Then Earl comes over.

Earl: Are you quite though yet?

Demo: Hell I think I just killed everyone I could so... yeah.

Director: GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!! STOP KILL MY CAST!!!!!!!!!

Demo: Okay, but next time add me in at least once, Asshole.

Director: Okay.

Demo: Well so much for this episode.

Director: WHAT EPISODE?????!!!!!!! THERE'S NOT EVEN SUPPOSE TO BE ONE TODAY!!!!!!!!

Director pulls out a blank script and sends the whole set somewhere else without Demo. As soon as they're there he write everyone Demo killed back to life and they get up in time to hear the Director speech.

Director: Today everyone there was not suppose to be an episode but a Writer by the name of Demo made one so I’m not responsible for any injuries today I will try to keep Demo away, but him being a writer he could find us any minute. Well today's episode has finally ended and I'm glad everyone, but Tracy and Gary are okay. Well you are all welcome to go home or to go back to the pit of death.

Before anyone could answer: Director: What's that you want the pit of death, Okay.

Everyone, but the director and Earl fall into the pit of death.

Everyone in the pit of death: SAVE US!!!!!

Demo: Hello. Well this episode was fun!

Director: FUCK!!!! HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND ME!!!!!!

Demo: I'm not telling.

Director: WHY???!!!!

Demo: Cuz you didn't say please.

Earl: Well do you need me anymore?

Director: YES!!!! GET THIS FUCK HEAD DEMO OFF MY SET!!!!

Earl walks over and drags Demo to god knows where.

Demo: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! LET ME GO!!!!!

Five minutes later Earl walks back.

Earl: Well he won't be bothering us for a while. Now where did I set my soda?

Director: I think it was destroyed in today's episode.

Earl: WHAT!!

Director: Just Kidding.

Earl not listening chases after the Director.

Director: Fuck that’s the last time I every joke about his soda!

The end?? NO just till I can think of what to do in episode five.

Scene: PIT OF DEATH

CAST: THIS IS GETTING FUCKIN' OLD!!!!

Guy: READY FOR YOUR TORTURE!!!!!!

CAST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUSSSSsssssssss......!

The E...

Director: Hey where the fuck are our Snack’ums?!

CAST: HAHAHAHA WE HAVE THEM!!!!!

Director and Earl: NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!

The End