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Seeds of Divinity, Ch 4

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The moment Raedryn walked through the doorway into the manor Bird slammed the door, separating them from the outside and the Varkken waiting on stoop. His questioning was near hysterical. "You know that creature? Why would you let it touch you? Do you have any idea how it would look being seen with it, let alone the diseases you might--"

Ever since Ray could remember, the Sunfeli was composed and poised, never coming close to saying a word in haste, let alone raising his voice. In the moment, Bird was so out-of-character that the young man was almost convinced that someone was doing a poor job of pretending to be him. The feline paced back and forth gesticulating with his paws as he continued to ramble, tail puffed out like one of the pipe cleaning wands used by the city plumbers.

Only once his father's spymaster paused long enough to take a breath did Raedryn take the opportunity to speak up. "Herald is not diseased and he is not a threat. You have nothing to worry about."

Although Bird stopped pacing the expression on his muzzle was clear enough to identify that the Sunfeli was far from calm. Regardless, his voice returned to a neutral tone and he spoke evenly as he walked toward Ray. "You do not know enough about the real world to know that for certain, Raedryn. I thought you realized that after what you dealt with last night, but now I find you with--" the Cat paused, ears raising as his whiskers quivered and he leaned over before recoiling. "I-- I smell him on you!"

Raedryn had a feeling what Bird meant, but he quickly tried to play dumb. "W-well... we... we WERE walking together. What do you expect when--"

The Sunfeli's voice came out as a low growl coupled with a feline hiss. "Not THAT kind of scent, Raedryn... I smell him... IN you!"

The Human took a step back, not just from the accusation, but because the spymaster looked in all ways like he was going to explode from the way he was hyperventilating with his fur on end. Ray continued to try to deny. "I don't know what you mean..."

His voice going low but still coupled with a severe hiss, Bird about-faced and stalked toward the door. "He defiled you, Raedryn... I know you cannot admit it due to polite sensibilities, but I cannot allow him to get away with this. I will END him!"

The young man reached out, fingers just managing to connect with the Sunfeli's cloak and he gripped it tightly. The sudden yank around his neck caused Bird to come to a stop, and Ray seized the moment to get his words out. "Stop. Herald didn't do anything wrong. You need to leave him alone."

Rather than continue with his intent of causing bodily harm to the Varkken, Bird instead about-faced and quickly moved to Ray, looking him over like a merchant inspecting pieces of fruit for bruises, as if whatever he was expecting would be visible with a cursory examination. The Sunfeli looked to Ray by all accounts like a mother hen fussing over her chicks, or a nanny making sure her charges were ready for parental inspection. "I have failed your father and I have failed you. He never should have been able to get close to you, let alone close enough to... to...."

Ray gave the feline a gentle shove back to no avail, so he gave a more firm one. "Enough, Bird. I already told you: I'm fine, and Herald hasn't done anything wrong."

To Bird's credit he didn't try to continue physically fussing over the Human again, but he did turn back to the door and growled out "That dirty creature has done something horrible... and should be castrated. I don't know what hold the beast has over you, Raedryn, but I failed you. I--"

Raedryn had no other way he could think of to get the cat to stop fuming. "I let him."

The Sunfeli spun about, ears up and eyes wide, obviously taken aback by the statement. "You what?"

Taking a deep breath, Ray pushed away all of the thoughts regarding what his father would say when he found out, and spoke up regardless, knowing full well that Bird would give a full report the moment the senior Wescott returned. "I invited him. It was consensual. I... I wanted it, Bird. He didn't do anything wrong."

The Cat stood there numbly, eyes wide, muzzle half open; not even his tail twitched. Raedryn was just about to repeat his previous statement when Bird finally responded, which came in the form of what almost sounded like a hiccuping cough, and the Sunfeli crumpled where he stood, going to his knees. "No... nononono.... this isn't right. This is so wrong!"

In all the years Raedryn knew Bird his father's spymaster was never for a loss of words and always seemed to have a plan. The Cat wimpering before him was a far cry from the ice cold follower of any and every order. The young man was concerned that it was a ploy; Bird always had one. Regardless, he had to make his case before whatever trap the Cat was bating sprung on him. "I... if-- my... my dad doesn't have to know. I won't say anything and you don't have to say anything so he--"

Bird's breakdown stopped mid-sob, and the Sunfeli looked up at him as if he'd just been struck. "This isn't about your father, Raedryn!" The Cat was up in an instant, closing the gap between them with the same surreal speed that seemed far more like him than the nervous breakdown. Bird took hold of either of Ray's shoulders and gave him a gentle shake. "It's not! It's really not! This is about YOU! It's always been about you!"

Ray felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment. He full well knew what kind of response his father would have if he found out about his son's preference for males over females, but he didn't expect the Cat to care as much-- would he consider it another personal failure for which he'd be accountable in his employer's eyes? That indignation rose high enough that he was willing to call the Sunfeli out on it. "Listen... It's fine. I consented, yeah, and... and I like men. I don't need you to accept that or to understand, but I--"

Bird's next words were almost roared out even as tears continued to dampen the feline's eyes. "YOU. RUINED. EVERYTHING!"

Raedryn was ready for objections and perhaps even disdain, but the pure emotion to the Sunfeli's outburst built up a fiery rage within the young man. The Cat was so focused on his position in Ray's father's eyes that he would be so invested in who the Human bedded? The Human snapped. "Well screw you! This is MY life, and I don't give a damn how it affects your employment with my dad... you can get sacked for all I care, you stupid cat! This isn't about YOU, so get off my case and--"

The Cat's growl almost sounded feral as Bird loomed over him, glaring daggers down at the Human, voice raising as he continued to speak. "I JUST said it's about you. This isn't about your father and isn't about my position in his household. I don't CARE about this damned house, Raedryn!

The young man took an involuntary step back; despite all his confidence that the Sunfeili would never hurt him, Bird was a dangerous individual. Regardless, aside from creating a little more space physically between them, Ray wasn't about to back down. "Sure... you may say that behind his back, but we both know that you do his bidding. You're his little kitty cat and you'll do whatever he tells you to... like being my keeper."

The scornful nature of Bird's response of 'Ha!' actually made the young man pause, and that was long enough for the Sunfeli to step close again, staring him down as the words continued to pour from his usually mute muzzle. "You STILL think it was your father's idea for me to keep an eye on you? I had thought you'd know better... maybe he was right. Maybe you ARE just a clueless, spoiled brat."

The Cat turned away, as if done speaking his mind, but Raedryn wasn't-- not after a statement like that, reaching out to latch onto the spy master's sleeve. "Who? What? What in the Abyss do you mean 'clueless spoiled brat'? Who says that?!"

Bird, for just a moment, appeared to return to his previously mute ways and didn't bother meeting Ray's gaze. The Human gave the Sunfeli a shake, at which point the Cat stated simply "Your father. Almost daily."

In all the years Raedryn had known Bird the one thing he could rely on was the feline's dedication to facts. He wasn't in the habit of lying (to the Wescott family) or spreading rumors (again, not within the Wescotts), but the young man had to pause and try to wrap his brain around what Bird was saying. Ray had known for a long time that his father didn't approve of him, but just how deep did that go?

The Human honestly wanted to believe that his dad had a begrudging acceptance of his son's lack of business acumen, but there was still a level of pride that a father had for the elder of his offspring... wasn't there? Ray's only conceivable response was to shoot back with an accusation. "That's what you say, anyway, but he obviously thinks enough of me to put you on babysitting duty all the time!"

Bird shifted his weight smoothly from one foot to the next, eyes still not meeting Raedryn's. The Cat reached up a paw to casually scratch at a furred cheek, subtly wiping away the dampness. "As you say, Master Raedryn. I'm speaking out of turn. He obviously cares for your well-being and I am just being difficult."

The young man knew that the Sunfeli had the capacity to be an amazing liar, but that was because he never showed any emotion; it was almost eerie to see just how horrible Bird was when he was wearing his heart on his sleeve. Ray was almost insulted at how little the Cat tried to hide his feelings, and he pushed further. "If my dad is so unhappy with me then why does he bother keeping tabs on me? Why doesn't he just kick me out?"

Finally gazing up at him, Bird took a half step forward, gesturing around them with a flippant wave of an arm. "How would it reflect on the family if his only son were disowned? What competitors or detractors wouldn't look for an opportunity to strike at him by kidnapping his son? Whether he wants you or not, Raedryn, he cannot show weakness, and that means that someone needs to watch over you. He was going to have Sanderson assigned to you, but I--" From there the words trailed off.

All of Raedryn's objections had fled his mind. Somewhere deep inside he realized that Bird was providing very real answers to his demanding questions but all he could think about was how he needed the Sunfeli to finish his statements and elaborate on his excuses; surely he would eventually say something that wouldn't make sense, and the pain of what couldn't possibly be honesty would be put to rest. "You what, Bird? Why do you think my father didn't assign Sanderson to me?"

The Sunfeli's pupils expanded then contracted and Bird looked away, his voice coming out as a rumbling huff. "I convinced him to assign Sanderson to Vanessa."

The statement made perfect sense to Raedryn. Jeddiah Wescott had two children and, while Ray was the elder of the two, Vanessa was obviously the preferred child when it came to the family business. Having a specific staff member assigned to her would be the obvious choice, especially one who could be near her all the time instead of being required to hide in the shadows. What didn't make sense, though, was the fact that Bird had never liked Raedryn. Why would the Cat go to all the trouble only to be left with an assignment he despised? Ray couldn't not have an answer. "Why would you shoot yourself in the foot like that? You hate everything about me!"

The Cat looked as though he'd been slapped, but the expression didn't so much as take up residence on the Sunfeli's muzzle as made a lightning quick showing before disappearing entirely. Bird sighed, his expression returning to an unreadable mask as he stated flatly "I do not hate you, Raedryn. You are my employer's son, and I am required to conduct myself in a professional way.

Ray watched as the feline looked everywhere but at him; ultimately Bird focused on the cloth wraps around his paws, fidgeting with them as if not interested in hearing the Human's response to the brush off. The young man, however, was more than happy to provide him a counter anyway. "Professionalism doesn't have to include insults or criticism or being hyper critical of every little thing I do."

Bird scowled, tightening the wrap around his paw. "If it reflects poorly on the family then it is my job--"

"Fuck you and your job, Bird. This is my LIFE! I'm just trying to figure things out for myself but you're always there to interfere or get involved or rat me out to my dad! I don't want to live my life always worrying about what people will think!"

The Cat finally looked up and at him, voice emerging as if he were exhausted. "Life doesn't work that way, Raedryn. None of us can 'do whatever we want'."

Raedryn felt his ire raising, and he had no inclination to hold back. "When was the last time you tried? You're always slinking around here trying to lick my father's boots. Maybe that's enough for you, but it's not for me!"

Bird's response came much slower than any of his prior ones-- and more than what should have taken for pausing to consider an answer. Ray wasn't always good at reading people, but the hints within the extended hesitation meant only oen thing: the Sunfeli wasn't sure he wanted to say what he'd first planned on saying. The Human didn't know how much the Cat edited his statement before it came out of his muzzle. "I asked to be your Shadow because I wanted it. Your father said no three times before he finally said yes."

Raedryn knew many other wealthy families had security specialists follow around their children; most of the time their bodyguards walked the roads with them but, when there was cause for subtle security the experts were known as 'Shadows'-- Bird just told him that all of the times the Sunfeli had interfered with his life or been around at the most (in)opportune times hadn't been a coincidence. One question beat out the others in a race to his lips. "Why?"

Bird's eyes finally found their way back to his and they held his gaze as if challenging him to contest his next words... which were almost unbelievable enough for the Human to do just that. "I hate people, Raedryn. I hate everyone because it is easier than trying to like them. I do not like people. I tolerate your father, but I do not like him. But you... you, Raedryn-- I-- I... have... an affection toward..."

Ray laughed aloud, not even bothering to hold back his response to what must have been a joke. Ever since he could remember, Bird was always there to tell him what he was doing wrong. The Sunfeli critiqued and belittled, objected and told him off. If anything, Bird was a furred bully who terrorized him for most of his life. When Bird didn't respond to his laughter except with a scornful flick of an ear, the Human objected more forcefully. "Oh come on... you barely tolerate me, if that... and it's only because my dad is your patron. Sometimes I think you'd prefer it if I weren't even around."

The Cat bit the words out one at a time, his muzzle scrunched up in an expression of distaste. "I am not good with people, Raedryn. It is easier for me protect you when you are wary, and if that means being wary of me then that works just as well. I am willing to go to whatever lengths I need to in order to keep you safe."

The young man rolled his eyes. "Right. Beacuse it's your JOB. If you cared so much you wouldn't try so hard to get me to hate you"

Bird's next words exploded out of him like a roar from a tiger. "You NEED to hate me, Ray!"

The violent outburst was accompanied by an even more violent extension of the Sunfeli's arm; three short blades slammed audibly into the wall, buried to their hilt. Breathing heavily, Bird stalked across the room to collect them. None of it made any sense to the Human, but he wasn't about to give up the offensive in the discussion. "I don't have to hate anyone... you just make it easy."

The spymaster collected his daggers then slumped down onto the stool positioned next where his blades had impacted. His voice was so quiet as to almost be meek. "I make it harder on myself so it can be easier on you, Raedryn. You don't have to understand it-- it works better if you don't."

The lack of conviction and effort in the Cat's tone only caused the young man's fury to grow. "Don't you do that. Don't you DARE treat me like my father does! Just because I don't do the whole 'business thing' doesn't mean I'm stupid. I can understand things that make sense, so don't pretend I don't 'get it'."

The Cat offered a casual wave of an arm, as if dismissing Ray's objection altogether. "You just explained my reasoning, Raedryn... it DOESN'T make sense, so why should I bother explaining anything?"

The Human was used to going around in circles with the spymaster when trying to get information out of him, but due to the personal nature of the topic he was even more frustrated than usual. "Because you keep saying that this is more than a job to you, and I'm asking you to explain it-- that's why."

Bird met his gaze for only a moment, and then looked away. The next words that came out of his muzzle sounded almost childish. "I would rather not. Explaining myself would only... cause problems."

Ray felt that his face would break if he scowled any deeper. "You're already causing problems by NOT explaining. You're acting REALLY weird, Bird... and that's saying quite a bit since you always act weird. What's going on? I want to know, and I'm not okay with you continuing to talk like whatever you have to say is going to go over my head."

The Cat took in a deep breath, then let it out as if he were a condemned man about to swing on the gallows. When he finally did speak, he used few words, and released them in a quick, monotone statement. "Humans and Beastfolk aren't supposed to do what you did with that Varkken, Raedryn."

The Human wanted to clobber the damned Sunfeli then and there. "I already told you, Bird, what I do is my own business, and if you can't accept that then--"

The Spymaster interrupted him, his neutral, emotionless voice pushing the words out with the same even pace as before. "I cannot accept it, because it is what I have wanted to do with you for years."

The unexpected statement confused things infinitely more than anything else said before but, at the same time, somehow helped clarify all of it. Regardless, Raedryn wasn't exactly sure how to respond. Anger and frustration suddenly released to the void, all that remained was an empty sense of grabbing for stability in a discussion which had sent him spinning. "I beg your pardon?"

Bird slowly stood, moving without his effortless grace; instead, the Cat approached as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and the short trip to Raedryn took all of the energy he had in him. Once they were scarcely an arm's length apart, the Sunfeli stated "I have kept you at a distance because it is easier for me if you do not like me. It is my job to fix problems, not create them. When you were 'the son of my employer' things were not easy, but they were easier. When you went out with your friends and I saw Sylvia Gheeler hanging off of you--"

Sylvia? Raedryn hadn't thought about her in ages. "When was Sylvia ever--?"

The Sunfeli took another step lower, having to lower his muzzle slightly to meet Raedryn's gaze. "She fancies you, Master Raedryn... that was last night at your second, third, and fifth stop during your trip around the numerous pubs in town. I realize now why you may not have noticed, but I did. I was jealous... but that is nothing compared to what I feel toward that Varkken. Now that I know what he--"

Raedryn was still trying to process everything and the strange Wolf's name came out without thought. "Herald."

Bird let out a soft, steadying breath. "I had wanted you to have a normal life. You should not be involved in the affairs of Beastfolk and we should not be involved in yours. A male lover is bad enough, and a lover from among the Beastfolk is worse-- combining both of those... I have never felt so many conflicting emotions at one time as finding out you--"

The Human had listened, but was uncertain as to whether he was actually able to understand and accept what he was hearing. He paraphrased, throwing it back at the spymaster. "You aren't disgusted that I was-- uh... WITH Herald... you're upset because you found out that I like men, and that you... like me... and you're... jealous?"

It sounded impossibly wrong in many different ways and Raedryn couldn't help but think that he had completely misunderstood-- right up until Bird nodded. "Yes."

The Human fought hard with numerous emotions bubbling up within him. In some ways he was flattered, while in others he was hurt. He felt a sense of serenity due to finally understanding some of the Cat's motivations, but also a certain amount of indignation. In the end, that was what most likely led to his harsher-than-necessary statement. "So you think you're just so irresistible that you had to be an unholy terror to me for most of my life just so you wouldn't have to worry about fending me off with a stick just in case there was the slimmest possibility that I might be interested?"

Bird's ears faltered, splaying out as his muzzle creased in what Raedryn might have considered embarrassment if it was displayed by anyone else; his father's spymaster was immune to such simple emotions... wasn't he? The Cat's response, however, suggested otherwise, and was accompanied with more than a hint of exasperation. "I do not like many people, Raedryn, and I do not have much experience in how to address such a pressing problem. How SHOULD I have handled it if I didn't want to draw attention to it?"

Ray honestly didn't have any answers for the Sunfeli; he was still having trouble wrapping his head around what he was being told. Rather than addressing the question, the Human's mind took a different path. "I-- I'm still not sure I can believe all this. I mean... this isn't--" he took a breath and tried again. "You are REALLY good at what you do, Bird. How can I know that this isn't just some-- I don't know... PLOY or something? How can I know you're not fucking with my head?"

Bird's teeth were on show immediately as his lips pulled back into a noiseless snarl, but the expression disappeared the moment he raised a paw to rub back the puffed-up fur atop his head. The Sunfeli took a steadying breath through his nose, then let it out slowly as he spoke. "This is my penance for my deeds... knowing you were with that Varkken... having to sit here and explain everything to you, and to have you question my sincerity. No, Raedryn; I am not lying to you and I am not 'up to something'. You pushed me until my back was to a corner, and now you are getting the answers you are demanding. Whether you like the answers have no bearing on whether or not they are true."

Still partitioning out his new understanding of their suddenly very complex interactions, Ray had trouble trying to raise his ire enough to argue or condemn. Instead, he let out an honest admission. "I... never realized you were interested in me like that. I always thought you hated being dragged down with assignments involving me."

The Sunfeli offered with a bitter-sweet smile. "I will remind you that I am a Spymaster for a reason, Master Raedryn; I am skilled with subterfuge and misdirection."

Ray found his own expression mirroring the Cat's and he personally never much cared for bitter-sweet, choosing instead to try and add some levity to it. "Like, by being an asshole so you could count on me hating you instead."

Bird nodded slowly, adding forlornly "It is far easier to deal with hate than 'inconvenient affection'."

Taking in another deep breath, the young man covered his face with his hands, blocking out the world as he tried and tried again to resolve the conflicting viewpoints he had of the feline. "I... just can't reason this out... it all seems SO out not like you, Bird. I'm... I'm sorry, but I can't help but feel like this is some kind of a trick, and I'm waiting to find out the angle."

Raedryn didn't hear a sound of the Spy Master approach and he almost jumped in surprise when a furred paw gently wrapped around one of his wrists and pulled it away from his face. Bird was bending forward so they could both be at the same height, his muzzle less than a hand's breadth from the Human's face. "You have known me as one thing for most of your adult life, Master Raedryn... I would not expect anything I say to completely convince you. As I said, that is my punishment for the decepti--"

The young man could not have explained to anyone, let alone himself what compelled him but, before Bird could finish the statement, Raedryn had a hand on either side of the Spy Master's face, fingers sinking into the feline's lush fur, and then his lips pressed against the end of the Sunfeli's muzzle. It was enough to silence the developing monologue and cause Bird's entire body to freeze up. That response only lasted for a second; before Ray knew it, the feline's arms had wrapped around him, pulling him even closer as the Sunfeli kissed him back, hungrily.

The Human heard and felt Bird's rumbling purr and he realized that the spymaster's words had been genuine. That, and also while the rest of Bird's body had loosened up and flowed into the developing embrace, there was definitely ONE part of the cat which was still very much rigid. Caught trying to figure out his own emotions in the moment, Raedryn couldn't deny how much he enjoyed the feel of being in the Sunfeli's arms. Nobody could have been more surprised than he was at his own words. "They're not due back til tonight you know..."