FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Leo was busy measuring the dining chairs when he heard the bathroom door open. What kind of material would go best with the living room? Oak? “Here you are, ten hours of staring,” Missy said. “I knew it.”

“Me? What about you? You were in there for nearly an hour,” Leo replied. He glanced back to see Missy completely nude, save for a towel draped over her shoulder like a cape. “Didn’t like the clothes?” The downside of her getting into clothes was now that it was doubly weird when she decided not to wear them.

“You were the guy goin’ on about how super duper filthy all of it was.” She shrugged. “You want me to wear something dirty after I take a shower?”

“You didn’t seem to really mind when you were wearing my dirty shirt.” His eyes focused on the chair. Cedar would also be a pretty good wood.

Missy crouched next to him. “It’s not like you’re dirty yourself. Plus I like the smell of that deodorant you spritz on.”

“Well put all the clothes in a pile and you can do the laundry for it.”

“I know making the computer was cool and all but y’know there’s just some firsts I don’t wanna try.”

“Laundry is really that hard? All the tags literally tell you how to wash them.”

“Why don’t you do it? You can do that instead of making a chair.”

Leo measured another side of the chair for no particular reason. “You’re an adult now Missy, can’t you do it?”

“I don’t wanna ruin my first ever clothes. Why don’t you teach me?” She leaned over to him and rubbed her shoulder against his.

“Remember the infinite knowledge box?”

Missy sighed. There was a pause. “Fine, if you’re not gonna tell me I’ll just hang them up and go naked,” she said haughtily. Missy stood up. “See you back in the bedroom, roomie.”

Leo rubbed his eyes and stood up. “Alright, it’ll take two minutes anyways. Grab your stuff.” Missy scampered off and gathered a pile of all of her clothes. He grabbed her by the arm and walked over to the other hall closet, opening it. “Separate your whites and colors.” The monstress looked to him then back at the clothes. She hastily made two uneven piles. “Read the tags.”

“This is already pretty hard,” Missy mumbled. “Can’t I just put the whole thing in?”

“You really want your ALF shirt to turn pink?” He did, of course.

“Ew, no.”

“Read the tags, put them in, turn the knob to what the tags said. Then you toss in a cup of this.” He tapped on laundry detergent on the shelf above. “Only a cup. Use the cap. Easy.”

“What the tags read, Leo. You ‘oughta use that infinite knowledge box sometime ya know!”

The man rolled his eyes. “Just follow the instructions and you’ll get clean clothes. Then just set them to dry based on the same instructions.” Leo left her to her devices and added, “Don’t drink the detergent.”

“Adult over here. Doesn’t drink laundry stuff.”

Leo decided not to insult her intelligence and reaffirm not to do that. He returned to his ten hour staring and measuring of the dining room chair. The enthusiasm had been sapped out of him a bit. Perhaps making a chair wasn’t the best idea. Though honestly that wasn’t nagging at him the most. It was something else to do with Missy’s clothes. Another little fear knocking on his thoughts. If she really did ruin her first set of clothes like that. It wouldn’t be a big deal, but it would certainly sour the gift. You were really concerned about that part? Missy would be a bit sad over it? He looked back at her again. She was still at the sorting stage. “You need help?” Leo asked.

“Oh no, I’m not falling for that. No bait and switch.” Missy shooed him off. “I got this now. I did a whole computer, didn’t I?”

“Alright then.” Leo went back to his measuring and picturing, over and over. It must’ve been half an hour and she was still sorting her items. Leo had finished with his task and headed to his room for a short break, passing Missy as he did. She didn’t say a word, grumbling over the last of her underwear’s fine print.

Leo sat down on his bed just as the washer-dryer door closed shut. The familiar whirr of washing rumbled through the house. “Done!” Missy cried out, and came bounding into his room. That towel still clung to her shoulder. “Told you I could do it.”

“I had my doubts, honestly.”

The woman sat down next to him. “How about we watch something in the meantime, while that works its magic?”

“Shouldn’t you put on some clothes?”

“My dirty, filthy, crust-ridden clothes?”

“Alright, alright, I know what I said.”

She straightened up. “I didn’t have clothes for months, it’s fine.” There was an odd seriousness to her voice. What bugged Leo more was the inclusion of “months”. She stretched it a bit, but their time together was really creeping up on months. It felt like longer. They had settled into their routines all too comfortably, or maybe not comfortably enough?

“Yeah,” Leo nodded, “let’s watch something while you wait. You’re still going to have to switch loads when the machine is done, though.”

“Washing machines still need you to switch out loads?” She rolled her eyes. “Some future we live in.” Leo had expected a far worse joke with the introduction of the word ‘loads.’

And watch they did. Going through half of a movie before she was done. Might as well finish it too, right? Leo had spent most of his time on his side, focused away from Missy. He almost wanted to tell her to fold her clothes but he supposed it didn’t really matter. Something for another time, when she actually had a drawer to put things in. Another time approaching quickly, hopefully. She had put on her clothes once again for their cinema time. Regardless of that, one movie lead to another, dinner came and went, and soon enough it was bed time.

Missy sat up, flung off her shorts, sent her bra after it, and flopped back down onto the bed. “You’re really going to wear that to bed?” Leo asked. Missy looked down at herself. She was sporting her ALF shirt and one pair of underwear.

“Yeah? That’s what girls wear to bed, a shirt and some undies.” She pulled on the strap of her underwear and let it snap back into place for emphasis. “What, you thought I’d go to bed dressed to go outside?”

Leo bundled himself up in his sheets. “Maybe if you wanted to go foraging at night.” Fortunately ‘cat-a-bunga’ was enough to throw off his entire brain off track.

“Are you kidding me? I’ll get lost if I do that,” Missy replied. “Plus there could be bears out there.”

“There are bears out there.”

“Look man, you gotta stop saying that.” She snuggled under the sheets as well. “I’m gonna have a nightmare where one bursts through the door. Have you seen videos of that? Terrifying stuff.”

“Missy, I am sure — absolutely one hundred percent certain — that bears are infinitely more terrified of you than you are of them.”

“That doesn’t mean I got the ability to eat one whole.”

“Sure you do.”

“OK, I wouldn’t wanna do it!”

“Bears wouldn’t either. You probably don’t taste very good.” Being mostly a carnivore herself. Assumedly. The teeth and claws were a dead giveaway.

“I don’t know whether I should be offended or not. I probably taste very, very, very good.” She stretched her arm out in front of Leo. “Have a taste.”

The man gently nudged her hand away. “I don’t need to check, thanks.”

Missy giggled and lapsed into silence. Suddenly she asked, “What are you gonna do for my birthday?” The question caught Leo off-guard.

“When is your birthday?”

“Soon.”

Straight answers were still her kryptonite. “I don’t know. What do you want to do, Missy?” He stretched and rubbed his eyes.

The woman glanced at the ceiling and back at him. “I want you to stay home,” she said finally.

“Is that it?” He half expected her to really ask for a car. That confirmed it fell on a work day anyways. That was a bit of a tall order. He looked to Missy’s expression. Yeah, she really wanted him to stay home. Leo considered telling her he could take a half-day, but he was suckerpunched by the mental image of Missy sitting alone on the couch for her birthday. Party hat firmly stuck to her head. Deflated noisemaker in one hand. “I’ll... I’ll see.”

“I would like a present too, if that’s OK.” She nodded. “Yeah, a present,” Missy said, energy returning to her voice. “Oh, but no clothes! You already got me clothes.” She tugged on her shirt, deforming ALF’s face. “It’s like when you get socks at Christmas.”

“Well, I can assure you I would never buy you socks. Especially since you can’t wear them.”

“I can. Sorta.”

“You wouldn’t, though.”

“Nah. Not unless they were signed by like, Bill Murray or something.” Yeah, like any normal person would.

“Sorry, my business associates don’t extend that high.”

Missy giggled. “Why even bother working at all then?”

“I really don’t know.” He turned his attention to the ceiling. A present. What else could he give her? She was already getting a room, a bed, and a huge television to go with. If anything he should be getting the gift. Something in his mind did want to snap back with that. To say that she had enough and that she should be more than thankful. But he couldn’t. That was far too crude, especially for something special like her birthday. After all, it wasn’t like he really had to buy any of that. It was all his perogative. All because he couldn’t handle the pressure on his mind from her lingering nearby.

“No technology stuff either.” That didn’t help matters much. “Computer and TV? I’m set for life.” There was something to be envied about her simplistic desires. He supposed their indulgence in movies as of late was proof enough it was leaking onto him. “Though maybe a phone—”

“No phones. You don’t need to call anyone anyways.”

“Fine, but what if I need to call you?”

“I trust,” at this point, anyways “you can handle it.”

“Wow, that’s almost a gift. You saying that.”

“Anyways, yes, I’ll get you a present.” Not clothes, not a gadget. What was it that rambunctious Wolficii needed? He swiftly set aside his automatic cynical response of ‘medication.’ Maybe he could look online? It had to be a surprise too, so a trip to a physical store was in order. There was a strip mall in town, wasn’t there? Shouldn’t take too long to get there on a lunch break and browse for something. It would have to be during lunch. Leo had the sneaking suspicion that Missy might burn the house down if he was even a hair above twenty minutes late getting home. In any case, he could just put the present in the trunk too.

“Oh, oh, you’re getting that ten hour face again! I’m so excited!” Now he just had to follow up on that excitement.

_

The next day had come and gone, leaving Leo with the new work week. He sat at his desk and stared at the computer’s clock, waiting for lunch to roll around. Tick, tick, tick. What was he going to get Missy? Why even buy her a gift? You could carve something out of the wood you chopped. Nah, she’d see that. No way to get away from her at home. At least not while she still rolled about in his room. No, just buy her something relatively thoughtful and head back home. That was the problem. What would be thoughtful for Missy? While he was musing, lunch had already begun. Damnit.

Leo rushed out to the parking lot, trying to at least appear reserved in the process lest he get an odd look. There was a strange feeling to leaving work like this, as if he were skipping out. The thought of that made his skin crawl. No, he was just using this break time a little more productively than stuffing his face. He knew others went out for reasons other than food, so why couldn’t he? Just that he was doing it for a good reason. Mostly a good reason. Getting a gift for a friend who was a serious enigma to the world of science. That was all. Really a tame affair if you took out half of it.

The parking lot was nearly empty, allowing Leo to beeline straight for his car and pull out of there with little issue. Now onward to the strip mall. A thought that Leo never had imagined himself entertaining. The parking lot was empty, so all those cars had to go somewhere. The road was now on full traffic blast, with plenty of idiots peppered in. Leo tapped on the steering wheel, still figuring out what to buy. Both halves of his brain were wrestling with one another. A simple gift or one he could actually say had meaning? “The light’s green,” he mumbled to himself. His hand hovered over the horn, but fortunately the car in front of him eventually got the idea.

The strip mall came into view. Leo had never actually bothered to give it a visit, being filled with restaurants and stores he had no interest in. He probably should have given it at least a quick walk by. A first for everything, right? He parked away from the buildings to avoid a dent in his car. As he stepped out, he was immediately hit with the smells of cheap ingredients on the stove and freshly paved tarmac. Not the best first impressions. He walked over to the plaza and looked at all the stores on display. Restaurants were out. He could make anything they could ten times better. Heck, Missy probably could too with just a little more experience.

Massage parlor, gym, smoothie shop, dollar store, so on and so forth. Those weren’t appropriate either. Maybe the dollar store, but he could do much better than loud Chinese toys and scented candles. Leo checked his phone. Still plenty of time to go before lunch was officially over. He continued walking along hoping something would catch his eye. And then fortunately it did. It was a toy store with several stuffed animals on display. Missy liked those, right? Leo pursed his lips and considered how odd it would be to see an office worker stroll inside with no children. He probably wasn’t going to return here anyways. Certainly not after this little adventure. He mentally prepared himself and stepped inside.

The cool air and scent of floor cleaner hit him quickly. A good change from the outdoors. The floor and walls were painted in a bright blue that couldn’t scream ‘comforting’ harder if they tried. Toys of various types lined the walls and aisles. Some of them seemed like neat projects, if Leo were about ten years younger. He decided not to dawdle and instead went straight for the stuffed toys. Animals, people, vehicles. Everything was turned into a marketable plushy. Just animals should do, as Leo doubted Missy really wanted a stuffed firetruck or... was that William Shatner? He shook his head and scooted over to the animals.

Leo picked one up at random and checked the tag. “Twenty bucks? Sheesh,” he mumbled. That was just one of the small ones too. Much larger animals sat waiting to be bought with their all too cute beady eyes and fluffy fur. He dared to glance at one of their price tags. Ninety dollars, a straight stab to the wallet, he thought with a wince. He had already sunk how many hundreds of dollars on her? Oh, but she probably would really like one of the larger ones. She’d probably light up instantly and hug it the whole day. Would give him some much needed relief from that job.

It was kind of astounding how many animals were on display. Even more astounding that any of them sold. Who would even want a stuffed nautilus? His eyes grazed over something black and white, catching his eye. It was an orca, one of the large wallet murdering kind too. That would be perfect, wouldn’t it? Missy’s old one was an odd spattering of different colors as he vaguely recalled, but it was still an orca. He turned the tag over. A hundred bucks? Goddamn, killer whale indeed. Whatever, that was going to be his choice. He hefted the thing up and headed for the register.

The bored clerk that sat at the checkout immediately perked up and adjusted her hair. “Good afternoon!” she said cheerily.

“Yeah, good afternoon.” Leo set the thing down. “One of these things, please,” he said.

“Great choice.” She scanned its barcode. “Birthday present for a kid?”

“Uh, no.”

“Oh, I see, girlfriend.”

“No.” Heavens no.

The clerk punched a few numbers in on her register. “...Friend?”

“Yeah, birthday present for a friend.” He patted the plush toy.

“Cool, cool.” She played with her hair a bit as she nodded. “So we have this thing where we can make a nice tag for special occasions. Y’know, birthdays, anniversaries, that sort of stuff.”

Leo shut his eyes for a second. “How much extra?”

“Only ten bucks.” Yeah, of course, only ten bucks. Only.

“Sure. Fine. Ten bucks extra.”

“So what’s it gonna say?” She pointed to the screen. “You got stuff like ‘here’s to many more’ or ‘hug this one for years to come.’ “ None of that sounded right. Did they all have to focus on the eternity of the situation? “Or you can make your own if you like.”

“Sure, sure. Uh,” Leo looked up at the ceiling, “how about, ‘take care of this and enjoy?’ “ That sounded good.

“You sure?”

“Is that not good?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine.” The worker shrugged. She shook her head and typed up the message. “Name to go with?”

“Missy.”

“Aw, that’s a pretty cute name,” she cooed. “Missy.” She clattered away on the keyboard. A moment later the name popped up on the screen. “Oh, and we’re gonna need your name too. A little personal touch.”

“Leo.”

“Just Leo?”

“Just Leo.” More typing. “That it?”

“That’s it!” Something loudly whirred under the counter. She leaned down and came back up, producing two objects. A bright pink card and an accompanying pink ribbon. She shifted the orca, and with surprising speed, tied the card to one of its flippers with a nice little bow. “There you go.” She patted the stuffed toy. “Ready to cash out?”

“Sure am. Not in the mood for more party animals,” Leo responded. The cashier giggled. The man pulled out one of his immaculate credit cards and slid it into the machine.

“So you took time out for lunch to do this?”

“Yeah. Am I that obvious to spot?”

“Kinda. We don’t get a lot of fine suits in here. Mostly moms and tired dads.”

“Hey now.” He pulled his card free. “I hope to get promoted into a tired dad,” he said with a chuckle. Leo picked up the orca and tested the card’s wrapping. That was on there completely tight.

“Shame. I liked the change of scenery.” She laughed. “Anyways, see ya. Hope you need more toys to buy.” The cashier waved him off with a smile.

“Have a good day,” Leo replied, picking up the toy. Not a chance he’d be back. Being a strip mall, it was likely the place wouldn’t even exist next year and get shuffled around for some other thing. Plus, one stuffed toy was more than enough. Leo hadn’t even thought of how they were going to clean it. The man hurried out of the store, into the parking lot, and back to his car. He placed the million dollar catch in the trunk and stared at it for a moment. Hopefully Missy would like the thing.