FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

“Here we go!” Missy excitedly turned on the monitor to reveal a program. Largely empty save for two colorful little banners and a row of options at the top. “Isn’t this cool?”

“You’re really going to have to tell me what I’m looking at before I can judge.”

“It’s an emulator!”

“No, still going to need more details than that,” Leo replied.

“You know, something that emulates.”

“Like a poseur?”

“Ugh, you are impossible,” Missy said, a laugh bubbling in her voice. “Look.” She clicked on a few things and then the screen went dark. Silence was replaced with a cheery tune and a familiar red logo. “See? Look! Don’t you remember this game?”

“Not really, no.”

“Didn’t you go to Robbie’s house and play his games?”

Leo shook his head. “I didn’t really go to anyone’s house.” Except hers.

“Pfft, dude, you missed out.” She grabbed his hands and placed it strangely on the keyboard. Not quite typing formation. “Here, you play.”

“Don’t you need a controller for that? This is one of those Nintendos, right?”

“Stop, stop, I’m gonna die.” She giggled. “Just try.” She tapped on his left hand. “Move with this.” She tapped his right hand. “Jump and do other things with this.”

“Do I really have to?” Leo asked. Videogames were that strange hobby where one could put hundreds of hours into something, feel as though they accomplished something, but in reality had done nothing at all. Drugs. They were drugs. An amusing pastime in his youth, but a worrying prospect now. Not that he wanted to say that in this moment. Missy was excited, so he could indulge her for a few minutes.

“Just tryyyyyy. It’ll be fun, really.”

“Can you promise that?” Leo asked.

“Knowing you? Nope. Who knows, though. You’re a funny guy, anything could happen.”

“Alright, fine. What do I do from here?” Leo blinked a few times and readied himself for whatever a game Missy picked would toss his way.

“Oh, here.” She pushed his fingers on the keyboard, which in-turn manipulated a glove on a screen to then click on a block. Exhilarating. “Now you can play. In a second. Shh.”

The game switched to some sort of princess in the sky mumbling something about a cake with the audio quality of a bad Skype call. It then switched to a red man hopping out of a green tube. All of this seemed standard for videogames thusfar. He even recognized that red guy. Mario was his name, and the name of just about every pizza place he had ever seen.

“Classic,” Missy remarked.

“If you say so. Is something broken? Everything looks… wrong. Blocky. Did you build the computer wrong?”

“That’s just what the games look like, silly.”

Leo furrowed his brow. Trickles of familiarity dribbled through his thoughts. He was familiar with this game, specifically for the few times he braved going to a friend’s house, but did it really look this bad?

“Wasn’t there a face at the beginning?” Leo asked.

“Oh wow, you picked up quick,” Missy replied. “I was gonna have you guess what this was, so I skipped that part.”

“So what’s my prize, then?”

“Does a hug sound good?”

“I’ll claim that at a later date, thank you.” Leo settled into playing the game for the time being. Every step forward in the game seemed to jostle something loose in his head, and a spark of familiarity would come back. The taste of fruit punch, the smell of cheap cleaner, a stuffy feeling. It was odd. A keyboard was nowhere near the nightmare of that original controller, but for a moment he was brought back to the simplicity of being a child.

Rather than glue her eyes to the screen for once, Missy was wholly focused on Leo. It wasn’t unusual at all to have her gawk at him, but it seemed like happy staring. Hopefully not an amused staring. Leo pawed at his face occasionally to make sure she wasn’t giggling at a stray bit of debris on his skin.

“See? Aren’t videogames fun?” Missy asked. At that moment, Leo’s plumber was being eaten by a set of polygons trying to pass themselves off as a sphere.

“They’re something alright. Are you going to play this at all?”

“What? No way. You have to get one star.”

“Right, that was the thing you had to get.” He vaguely recalled there being something at the top of a winding hill, so he willed his small Italian to go that way.

“I can’t believe you don’t know what emulators are.”

“I know what they are. I’m not that out of touch. You don’t think I tried these back in college to kill time?”

“No. To you, I’ll bet killing time is like, life in prison.”

Leo shrugged. “Maybe it should be. Hope you like prison food.”

“Blegh. No way I could go without Lion cooking now.”

Leo managed to get his character past a gate and begin their way up the hill. Just then a metallic ball smashed into him. He huffed.

“How can you forget the balls, huh? Huh?” Missy nudged her shoulder into his.

“Sorry, it’s only been over a decade since I’ve played this. And definitely not on a keyboard.” The ball rounded the corner once more. He pressed a button, only to ineffectually punch and get smashed over again. Wrong button. “I guess that’s my fault. Why are these things even rolling down?”

“Wouldn’t be very fun if you just ran up there, huh?”

“Who’s the moron sitting on top tossing these down?” Leo asked. “Does he get paid by the ball? Is it the lizard?”

“You’re just gonna have to get to the top, dude, otherwise you’re not a very pro gamer.”

That little challenge stuck to his mind, and he resolved to do better. Mostly just to awe Missy. C’mon, you did this before, back when you were what, eight? Sitting on a scruffy carpet, staring up at a CRT, holding some abortion of plastic. There was a cool trick too where the other kid, Jeff, sat in a wall and disappeared. That was his name right? Jeff? That could’ve been a thing he lied about, or one of the few things that was true. It was funny, you always had to come up with some absurd lie to be on top of the childish social ladder.

Not wanting to doubt the words of a child he barely recalled, Leo did the little trick and managed to actually appear elsewhere. There was a spark of joy seeing it work, that familiar rush of surprise. Hm.

“Good thing you remembered that, you were totally gonna die otherwise,” Missy replied.

“Yeah, yeah.” She wasn’t impressed. Leo pushed on to the top with a hop, skip, and a jump, quite literally. There, another circle with a mustache said something or other and suddenly the large thing was stomping at him. “This guy is the big bad? He can’t even catch me.”

“Then beat him already, doofus, get the star. It’s easy, right?”

Now how did one do that? Leo remembered at the very least you couldn’t just charge into the guy, or punch him. Oh, right, they used to see how far they could carry him down the hill without getting hit. Not that it worked since the stupid thing would reset, but whatever. He and Jeff used to mess around in this game a lot, then what happened? Oh well, not important, he supposed.

“I hated that stupid controller but a keyboard is worse,” Leo said.

“You’re just bad at games.”

“I think it’s OK to be bad at games seeing as how I haven’t played them in forever.”

“So why don’tcha?” Missy placed an elbow on the table and propped her head up.

“I have other things to do, you know,” Leo replied.

“Like you couldn’t trade out one thing just to play a game for a bit.”

“I guess I could.” Leo rounded the stupid bomb a few more times. “The problem is, what do you have to show for when you’re done? Some tired hands? A big number?” He finally managed to pick up the damn thing. Score! His thoughts paused as he slammed the circle into the ground satisfyingly. “It’s like doing a whole lot of nothing. Now where’s my star?”

“You have to keep doing it. Sheesh, it’s the first thing in the game and you forgot?” Missy snickered.

“I remember. I just don’t recall it being this tedious.” To think some people actually played with a keyboard like this when clearly controllers were better, absurd. “I swear I’m going to cramp up just playing this.”

“You can do it, I believe in you! Probably.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Leo was somehow able to repeat the process two more times and finally get his reward, a shiny star. The plumber man did his little dance and he was kicked out of the level. “What, I can’t do more?” Leo asked.

“It’s pretty dumb, but you just gotta jump back in. I mean, if you’re up to the challenge, of course.” Missy shrugged.

“You think I’m not?” How far did he get in it before, anyways? For one thing, he remembered the big evil turtle. That must’ve been far, right? Leo pursed his lips. “How do you even get to the other levels anyways?” At this point he figured his spine would have been begging to stand up, but oh right, sitting down was his day job. A job as a park ranger would have been better. Too late now.

“You just go in the other doors, how else?” Missy took the reins again, placing her hands over his and sending Mario tottering on his way. Funny to think that graphics had come all this way. For a moment there, Leo felt old. A strange sensation of not belonging in this current plane in time. Did he want to go back? Something made him want to say no, but he was unsure what. Current day was good too, so why go back? He looked to Missy, who looked back with a smile. The now had turned into back then so easily.

Missy had brought their character to another room, now with a tower on its painting. “See, now you can try this one,” she said.

Leo wanted to leave then. A lingering pull to get away from the monitor as it sapped his energy away, yet curiosity prevailed. What was the issue with visiting a bit more of your past? Sure, it wasn’t productive, but it wasn’t often you got to have a little slice of nostalgia. Especially not when you were Leo and practically ushered yourself out of your home. It wasn’t the productivity side holding him back, though. What was it?

“You OK there? You look like you’re gonna kill someone,” Missy said.

Leo shook his head and straightened out his face. “I’m fine. Guess I’ll try this one too.”

Again, Leo took to navigating this new boxy world, almost entranced by the little details that reminded him of the past. At times he used to stare at the big sky this weird fort floated in. It was a crusty static image, he knew, but back then it was a portent of other things out there in the void, a curious place where there could be anything off in the distance. You could get lost in this little world when you had nothing better to do.

“Do you remember the water level?” Missy suddenly asked. “There’s a cool surprise there!” She giggled, so clearly that meant it wasn’t cool at all.

“I’m happy you think I can make it there, but that’s probably hours away, and it’s…” He looked around for the clock. Ah, Missy was devious and put the thing in full screen, hiding away how much time he truly wasted. Leo pulled out his phone. “It’s still only six, huh.”

“Ooh, you thought you were wasting ten hours doing nothing, I know.” The woman chuckled. “I bet you were having a little heart attack there going ‘Oh no I have to get back to my chair staring!’ “ She raised her free hand and widened her eyes. “Ahhhh!” she whispered, and laughed again.

“You wouldn’t believe what you’d get out of chair staring,” Leo replied.

“OK, we need some kinda system where you tell me when you’re joking. I dunno if you were being super serious there or not.” She couldn’t help but giggle as she spoke, which occasionally bubbled as animalistic growls.

Leo returned to his window into the past. As he played, questions of the past came scuttling to the forefront of his mind. “Hey,” Leo started, “do you remember Jeff?”

“Sorta. He left town didn’t he? I mean, before you did.” Missy paused. “He was gross. A little fat too.”

“Looks like you remember him fondly,” Leo replied. “You got along famously, huh?”

“No way. He thought I was like a dog or something. Everyone did, save for ya know, you.”

“I can certainly say you’re better than a dog.”

“I know you’re saying that as a mean jooooooke,” Missy cooed, “but I’m gonna take it as a complimeeeeeent!”

“You do you.” Did make him wonder who Missy settled on first. Before him, that is. Her response reminded him of some of the gawking their friends did, always staring a little too long like they were considering screaming out in terror. He did that too, of course, but nowhere near as much. Maybe there was something special they saw in her, or maybe he was just insane. Considering their situation, he leaned on insane possibility.

How often did they mingle, Leo wondered. Missy spoke as if they were hanging about every day, or perhaps night? The monster at his window was definitely her. The fact that she was still here confirmed his father didn’t get to her either. He didn’t recall playing this game at all with her. Possible his memories of that were buried under something else. Who knew how much he tried to forget. It seemed like the right thing at the time, considering how unreal she felt.

Yet, Missy was a real being, right here, next to him, mocking him playing a game. Had he not tried to forget, it was likely he’d have gone right back to her. Whether his parents truly knew about her or not, it was likely for the best they put him through a lot to forget about her.

“Jeez, dude, the stone guy smashed you two times already. Get your head in the game,” Missy said.

“Right, OK.” Leo snapped back to reality, somehow he had climbed to the top of this level’s tower through all his mulling. He was currently facing a rectangle with a goofy face on it. The large bandage clearly showed what he was supposed to do, but Leo couldn’t figure out the buttons. “You’re going to have to refresh me on how to beat this sidewalk.”

“You are just hopeless.” Missy pushed up against him and laid her hands over his again. Easily she smashed the thing’s back and left his side with a grin.

“You didn’t need to smother me,” Leo said.

“That’s just your punishment for being bad at games.”

“I forgot that was punishable by law.” Right. With that out of the way, he easily completed the rest of the fight and got his next star trinket.

“Where’d you learn to pound like that?” Missy asked.

“I’m not going to even entertain that with an answer.” He eyed his phone again, noting how little time had actually passed. To some degree his brain was eating this up. He knew it. That sensation of achieving quite a bit without having even budged an inch. Well, he did that at work too. They gave him a paycheck for it, however.

“You think I could be one of those videogame streamer guys?” Missy asked suddenly.

“You shouldn’t.” Leo shot her a look just to make sure she wouldn’t actually try it.

“I know I shouldn’t. You’d have a heart attack, and a stroke, and an an-your-ism, and a… I dunno but pretend I added another one to that. But you think I’d be super good at it, right? I’ve got the skills for it?”

“You could certainly talk through it for hours on end. Especially this game.” As they chatted, he maneuvered Mario around the screen, enjoying tossing his tubby form around the room.

“Oh, oh, I bet I could pass as one of those streamer puppets. Then I could rake in cash while I do it!”

“A streamer puppet?” Leo asked. “Should I even ask?”

“Yeah, you should! People get a character they put on the side and it could be anything, like an anime girl! They pretend to be that character.”

Leo winced. “You can stop right there. I’m not having that in my house.”

“But hear me out. The puppet could be me.”

“No, no, we’re definitely not doing that.” Leo shook his head. “No, no, no. There’s no way we’re letting insane people on the Internet give you cash to watch you play games. Imagine what they’d do to try and find you. I don’t need that. You don’t need that.”

“Alright, fine. It was just a thought! I know you want me to stop being lazy, so it made sense.”

“You could do it, but let’s just focus on this game right now.” Not to mention she likely didn’t want it to make cash, but instead to have people worship her. Leo might’ve been out of the loop, but he was vaguely aware of the cults of personality those people had. The worst part was, Missy would fit the bill perfectly. The energy, the personality, yes, even the charm. “What were you saying about a water level?” He pointed to the screen. “Can I go there yet?”

“Nah, you need to get another star for that.”

“Fine, fine, let’s get another.”

_

They got a few more, actually. Leo underestimated the game’s own ability to lure him in with a challenge. Having one of those little stars just out of reach was more than his brain was equipped to handle. It didn’t help that Missy constantly goaded him on, just a little further, just a little longer. All of it was enough to push him along to the next dopamine hit. These things were stupidly addictive.

Eventually they got to that infamous water level. Leo wasn’t aware of what lied within, but it couldn’t have been good with Missy’s hype. That big event seemed like a good stopping point, and an excuse for his brain to disengage from this timesink.

Not wasting any time, Leo willed his red immigrant into the water and immediately floundered. “Why isn’t he moving forward?” he asked.

“You have to punch the water.”

“That’s incredibly dumb.” But it worked. Punching turned to a swimming motion. “Not the kind of stroke I’d go for.”

“I can’t imagine you swimming at all.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’ll see!”

Leo shrugged and continued on. While this ancient emulation couldn’t realistically render anything more complex than blocky awkwardness, the music was far more pleasing to the senses. He considered asking Missy if there was an .mp3 of this anywhere, but what kind of person would he be if he started listening to videogame music?

Admittedly this huge area in a vast pool of water had a sense of surreality to it. Not when he was a child. Back then it seemed like it could go on to all sorts of magical things. Cynicism had gotten the better of him, or maybe he just knew how expensive it would’ve been to make more. It was better to know what was around the corner than to endlessly wonder. He supposed at the same time that it was a silly thing to think considering what was around the corner was sitting next to him.

“So what happens if he drowns?” Leo asked.

“He dies!”

“Really? I would’ve thought he’d be better at this.”

“Yeah, there’s a whole funeral and everything.”

“OK, I know that’s not true.” As funny as it would have been.

“Keep on going.”

First came into view a little sunken ship. Surprising the game bothered to put anything else down here. Then popped in some sort of fleshy red thing with a dead-eye stare. Leo’s eye twitched. A long forgotten fear resurfaced and managed to get the better of his eyelid, embarrassing.

“Well?” Missy nudged him and looked between the screen and him.

“Well what?” Leo asked. He kept his Italian in place.

“You were supposed to go all… Blah! I’m scared!” She opened her hands.

“Sorry, should I have screamed at the top of my lungs?” Leo asked.

“It woulda hurt, but maybe.” She tilted her head.

Leo took a deep breath.

“Don’t actually do it!” Missy said.

Leo did recall the thing, and it was probably what fueled some of his paranoia of the deep sea. Dying a drawn out and painful death would be all the worse with something like that staring at him from the darkness. Not exactly the most fitting creature for a relaxed world where an Italian man fights a turtle.

“So what now? The thing just sits there and mouths showtunes at me?” Leo asked.

“Oh! Uh, no, you gotta get close and it’ll, uh, go inside. Then you can enter.”

“Not the most ideal way to get rid of a sea creature, but alright.” Leo pressed forward, bringing his stalwart overall-clad hero closer.

“Bang!” Missy said, slapping the table. At the same time, the polygonal beast lashed out, seemingly screaming. Leo looked to her and blinked. “Oh come on! You should’ve at least flinched.”

“Too much effort.” Leo shrugged and returned to the game. “Nice try, though.” He could leave out the part where his nerves did flare up a small amount.

“Fine, well, you just gotta go in now. Nothing to worry about, I’m riiiiiight here.” She eased closer and smiled.

“Sure.” Leo proceeded in, half expecting another cheap attempt at a scare, but none came.

The monstress’s expression dropped. “I could’ve sworn there was another one inside.” She huffed.

“Time makes fools of us all, huh? Next you’ll tell me it bursts through the screen or something.” The objective was clear enough from here, or rather, he figured it out after being electrocuted by some treasure chests.

“You were soooooo scared by the eel when you were a kid. Like, you would not stop crying about it.” She placed a hand on his far shoulder, almost edging into a hug. “But I was there for you every time!”

Leo paused. “It was an eel? I didn’t even realize.”

“You so did.”

“Maybe with a lot of artistic liberty, sure. Hey, maybe you modeled it.”

Missy poked him in the ribs. “I don’t think I was even alive when this game came out, dork. You weren’t at least a little scared?”

“Nah.” Leo turned to her. “But I bet I could scare you.”

Missy pulled back. “And make me have a heart attack? No way, you would never.” Well, she was right there.

Leo went on to get that next star and watch the funny Mario man flash a peace sign. Not too bad, but the water was more than annoying.

“There, you got a star from a funny eel,” Missy said. “Facing your fears, that was awfully brave, you know.”

“My only fear here was playing a game that’s older than you are. I’m surprised it displays at anything faster than ten frames a second.”

“Hey now, this is a certified classic. You’d have a whole army knocking on your door if you dissed it.”

“Somehow I don’t think that army would have a single weapon to their name.” Or could even walk here.

“Whateverrrr. You got three stars now.”

“Great.” Leo took a long stretch. Work was harder and playing videogames somehow felt more like a strain on the body. “That means I can get back to staring at chairs.”

“You don’t wanna play any more?” Missy asked. There was a little solemness to her tone. “There’s a whole new place to go to, too! How about ghosts, do you like ghosts?”

“Not partial to ghosts, really.” Leo looked between her and the screen, noting her obvious eagerness. “I’ll get back to it later.” He raised a hand and tousled her hair. “Thanks for helping me face my fears.”

“Hey! That took forever to brush!” she said with a laugh.

“I just shook out the rats is all.”