FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

OK, so I finally managed to pry out enough free time here and there to get something done finally. Yay!! But, I had to work on it that way because I am extremely, ungodly, busy with school work this semester. Boo!!

In all seriousness, I am actually managing to get a little writing done now and then, but this is my last semester of my change of course, and I have to put school first, as draining as that can be. Still, with trying to find my way forward, I have found it therapeutic to write about it.

Fortunately, my experience coming out wasn't like it is here, and for that I give thanks. I hope you enjoy it.

---

The expanse of warm orange fur that filled my sight swayed gently with every breath I exhaled on it, and I couldn't stop smiling at the sight. It was such a little thing, so small a detail that it shouldn't even have been something I noticed, but it was enough to make me grin. That and the sweet, almost floral aroma that filled every breath I took, that would never cease to make my heart soar. And it was also enough to make me despise what was coming. Only a few more breaths remained, each one marking a precious measure of time with the one I loved. I didn't want to leave, to run back home. I wanted more of this. I didn't want to part from my fox at all.

But…, I reflected, closing my eyes and drawing an especially deep breath of his scent in, filling every tiny fraction of my lungs in the hope that it would linger somehow, stay with me somewhere other than my memories, its already more than I had yesterday. Opening my eyes once more, I let out the deep breath in a long sigh. We really had to go, or take the risk that our parents might notice the change in our running routine, and then the chances of being caught would be high. Not that that would be such a bad thing. Staying this long had been my idea, a pleading request that Sean had been more than willing to grant me. And much as I might deeply, deeply desire to stay, I wasn't going to be the one to act spoiled when we had already taken a few more minutes than we had most days. When I finally made to disengage from our close embrace, pulling away slowly, Sean's arms held me in place for a few heartbeats longer, as unwilling to let go as I had been, then he finally released me, joining me in sitting up. Staring deep into his warm golden-brown eyes for a moment longer, I leaned in and kissed him, delighting in his familiar taste.

“Thank you, Sean." I whispered, hugging him once more, nuzzling against his cheek.

“Anytime and always, Greg." He replied softly, clasping me close for a moment longer before finally letting me go. With a regretful sigh, he snagged my shirt which had landed out of my reach and tossed it to me. Smiling at him, I tugged it over my head, hiding his handiwork of scratches beneath it once more. While he shrugged into his own shirt, pulling a little harder than I had to guide the garment past his velvety ears, I crawled a little ways to pick up our shorts, batting the headphones that still hung from my music player out of the way. Hearing a chuckle, I look back over my shoulder to find him lounging back in the grass, a teasing grin on his muzzle, a few inches of his shaft still peeking out from his sheath, the drying fluids of our lovemaking still visible in the fur where they had collected around the opening, before he coyly flicked his fluffy tail into his lap, casually hiding his crotch from view.

“Something amusing, sir?" I asked, pretending to offense, but his smile turned indulgent, as if he was partaking in a great luxury.

“Oh, just admiring the lovely view." He replied, leering hungrily at me, golden brown eyes shining in the dim light of the clearing and I grinned in return, stretching with purpose, lowering my chest towards the grass as I reached forward, showing off the mess he had made of my backside and his eyes narrowed, giving a half shake of his head. “Ok, now that is just not fair."

“Heh." I chuckled in reply, tossing his pair of shorts in an arc so they landed on his head, blocking his gaze, only his ears visible from beneath the cloth. He snorted in reply, reaching up to retrieve them while I rolled over onto my back, slipping my own shorts on. From my position, I had a perfect view as my vulpine boyfriend slipped his shorts slowly up to his hips, negotiating the garment over his tail, the fluffy appendage slipping out the loop in the back, leaving us both decently attired once again.

“You know," He began, hunching forward and resting his hands flat on the ground while I hunted for my socks, one of which seemed to have pulled a runner and disappeared. “It really is going to be alright, hon. Its just a year. Less than that, actually. My plan has always been to move over the summer, so I can settle in early." I nodded in confirmation to his words, almost wincing in the ache of the possibilities that might give us. It wouldn't be living together, not at first. Neither of us thought we could do that without having our relationship out in the open for a while, but just the thought of being able to see him every day, without needing to hide was enough to make my heart leap.

I was tempted to dive back into his embrace one more time, and screw the rest of the world, but then the first pangs of the fear of what I would have to do to get there forced that instinct back. I couldn't talk my parents into letting me move up to the campus of the university Sean was going to until I told them I wanted to go there. And I couldn't do that without telling my father I wasn't going to apply for the Army's officer academy. And once I did that, I would have to explain why not, and I honestly doubted that I could do that without also blurting out that I was not only gay, but deeply in love with a nonhuman, two things that were so outside his world view that they were almost anathema. Shaking my head, I turned my mind away from that thought and finally located my errant sock, it having somehow made its way all the way across the clearing and flicked it once in the air to get the grass and dust off.

“Greg… You know how my birthday is coming up next week?" Sean asked, the faint quaver in his tone of voice making me look back at him.

“Yes?" I asked, pausing with one sock on and one off, waiting for him to continue. I actually had a gift for him already, having been prepared this year. I had had to miss it last year, though not through any fault of my own, it having coincided with my brother coming home for a break after the intensive summer training for the Army officer training program he was a part of. I had made it up to him afterward, and he hadn't been angry at all. Actually, my desire to make it up to him, even though we were only just beginning to figure out our relationship back then had drawn us far more closely together than our furtive and inexpert expressions of physical desire had.

“My parents are letting me have some friends over the night before," He said, looking away, his ears flicking backward bashfully, which made my interest perk up instantly. For all his forward manner when we flirted in private, when he was being serious, he could be awfully bashful, which I found incredibly endearing. It just made me want to be with him even more, my heart giving a lurch at the thought. “I know you probably can't swing it, but I would love for you to be there."

“Are you serious?" I asked, surprised. I stared at him in silence for a few moments while he nervously tugged on a tuft of grass by his foot and I stalled, trying to sort out what he was asking. “You mean, you want me to come as a friend?"

“No." He said softly, finally looking up at me, a nervous but determined look on his face. “I mean, I want you there as my boyfriend." The sock fell from my hand instantly, the full implications of his statement hitting me. He had been just as certain as I had that we couldn't tell anyone about our relationship, even though it wouldn't make much of a difference to anyone who wasn't human. I had always known he kept us a secret for my sake, to keep my parents from flipping out, but… I was shocked by the implications of his statement that I almost missed what he was saying next. “I understand if you don't want to, if you want to still keep everything a secret, but since you said you were tired of hiding, and none of my friends would tell anyone who would tell your folks…" He looked down at his paws for a moment, then looked back up at me, the pained expression on his face making my heart melt. “Greg, I am proud that you are with me. I want my friends to know that I'm involved with someone like you."

“Sean, I would love to be there." I said, reaching out and taking both of his paws in my hands, cutting off his explanations, surprising myself more than the statement seemed to surprise him. “What time do you want me over there, if I can figure out how?"

“Well, everyone is planning on coming over in the afternoon, but I know that is probably going to be tricky." He replied, his usual sly grin returning as he gently squeezed my hands in reply. “If you can come over at all, I would love to see you."

“I will do my best." I replied, smiling as he pulled me in for another kiss, a gentle one this time, not one filled with lust like before. When we pulled back from the kiss, he suddenly, blinked, his face falling as he reached for his phone, checking the time.

“Oh, did you ever figure out how to set up an encrypted partition on your phone?" He asked, clearly gathering himself to get up as I finished with the sock and reached for my shoes. “I keep forgetting to ask."

“Yes, I did, thank you for reminding me." I stated, hurrying to tie the laces. That had been a suggestion of his, a means to hide our conversations if my parents got suspicious, but the fact that he had remembered now was unusual, since we hadn't been talking about anything like that. “Why do you ask?"

“No reason. It just came back into my mind." He said, though I caught a flash of an odd look on his face. Then, he glanced at his phone again and grimaced. “Damn. Now we really do have to run." He said, pushing himself onto his feet. Fishing out my phone from my pocket, I grimaced as well. I was going to have to come up with some sort of excuse to explain being delayed already. Fortunately, my body supplied the perfect one as I managed to get back up, my left calf muscle seizing up in defiant protest of my desire to stand. Wincing, I massaged the spot and Sean looked at me with concern. “Are you alright?"

“Yeah, I'm fine." I confirmed, smiling at him while I pointed my toes, extending my leg to stretch. “I might have pulled something and it hasn't really had a chance to heal."

“Hon, you should have said something." He admonished, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You know better than to run on an injury like that, I know you do."

“Sean," I began, reaching up and caressing his cheek with the back of one hand, admiring the velvety softness of the orange fur beneath my fingers. “I would run across the city with every muscle seizing up if it meant I could see you." The fox in front of me smiled, leaning into my touch for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug that I returned eagerly.

“I love you." He whispered again, holding me to him in the shadows of our small sanctuary. Then I heard a note of teasing amusement creep into his words as he continued. “Even if you drive me crazy sometimes."

“I love you too, Sean." I whispered, my grin ear to ear. “Even though you drive me crazy all the time."

“You know you love it." He said, chuckling as we finally managed to pry ourselves apart.

“I do." I replied, stepping away from him in the direction of home once again. With one last wave, I walked out of the clearing, ducking under the hanging boughs. I might have been the one to cling to him refusing to let him go, but I left first, just to prove to myself that I could. It still hurt, and I clung ferociously to the memories of the encounter, and the already fading scent that hung around me. One day, I wouldn't have to. One day, when we ran, it would be together, beginning and ending at our home. I knew that deep in my heart. And that, more than any self control I possessed, let me leave him behind now. I was almost blinded a few moments later when I came out from under the thick trees, and I slowed slightly, blinking hard to let my eyes adjust while I put my headphones back into my ears.

And then, as my eyes cleared from the glare, I spotted Connor, a semi-friend and one of my teammates on the school's track team who was running along the path in my direction. I considered ducking back beneath the trees, not wanting to take any kind of chance that he would see evidence of what I had been doing, but I knew it was too late. Raising a hand in greeting, the other teenager changed course towards me. Taking a moment to school my features into innocent lines, I started running again, slowly enough that he could catch up, then matching his pace so we could talk while we were moving, ignoring the pain in my leg as best I could.

“Hey Greg." Connor said as we fell into stride. “What were you doing in there?"

“Hey." I replied, my mind racing through possibilities as I considered his question. What excuse would keep him from pursuing the subject? Besides, 'having sex with my boyfriend.' I mean. “I was trying out some broken field running."

“Oh, practicing for football, right?" He asked and I barely refrained from looking at him in confusion. That hadn't been what I intended to imply at all, but broken field running was actually a good exercise for evading blockers on the field, something the coach had mentioned to the team during our last practice. I had forgotten that until now, but, fortunately, Connor wasn't the most observant person I knew, and didn't seem to expect a reply. “How was the route?"

“Not great." I replied, which was truthful enough. The woods were simply too closely grown to make for good running. Then, sudden inspiration nearly made me grin. “I got scratched up pretty good."

“Damn." He replied, shaking his head, which was not what I expected at all. “I was hoping it might have been a good one."

“Huh?" I asked, surprised.

“I was thinking of going out for the team this year." He said and I blinked, taken aback. “I'm gonna need all the practice I can get to have a shot."

“Why do you want to go out for the football team?" I asked, looking him up and down. He was built more like me than a normal football player, which didn't mean much, considering I had played last year. Still, he had only ever shown an interest for track, and that with less dedication than the top runners on the team.

“You are kidding me, right?" He asked, seeming shocked that I even had to ask. “For chicks, man. All the hot chicks go for the football team." The fact that I seemed confused by that would have been only slightly less damning than coming out to him right then and there if Connor hadn't been so oblivious to subtle clues.

“I guess I hadn't noticed that." I stated, which was truthful enough. Who the 'hot chicks' went for wasn't any part of my world, so I didn't know or care.

“Dude." He said, shaking his head. “And people call me oblivious. Surely you must have noticed that the rest of us mere mortals don't get as much tail as you do."

“I don't get a lot of 'tail'." I protested indignantly, but I found my tongue forming words that I hurried shut my mouth on, narrowly avoiding biting my tongue in the process. I'm not getting any tail, but I have been getting a lot of dick lately from someone who has one. My brain supplied unhelpfully, making me stumble a pace or two at the sheer, bald faced lewdity of the thought.

“Fine, dates then." He commented, rolling his eyes and completely misreading my statement. I almost blurted out that I don't get a lot of those either, but a familiar slick sensation trailing its way down my leg distracted me enough to keep that comment to myself, letting him have his misconceptions. Clenching my muscles a bit to keep the evidence of Sean and I's rendezvous from making itself obvious, I shook my head slightly, starting to pick up my pace. I desperately needed to get out of this conversation and home so I could wash up. Spending a few extra minutes snuggling my fox had been satisfying, but the apparent consequences were not seeming worth it just now. Connor picked up his pace as well, and I began getting ready to run all out, a hard sprint that would leave him behind. We might have both been runners, but with my pushing my running hard every day for months, he wasn't in the same league as me anymore. “Do you wanna know how long its been for me?"

“Not really." I replied, my stride starting to lengthen as the neighborhood came into sight.

“Oh, I see how it is." Connor chuckled, his breathing starting to labor as he tried to keep matching my pace. “As long as you are getting some, you don't want to hear about other people's troubles."

“No, that isn't it." I replied, shaking my head. “Its just that nobody wants to hear about your blue balls, Connor." He laughed and I knew I had struck the right chord to get him off the subject. He lived in a wholly different part of the neighborhood than me, so we would have to split off anyway soon. “Listen, I gotta get home. My parents are on my back about college applications."

“Oof. I sympathize." He said, starting to slow back down to his usual pace. “See you later then, man."

“See you." I called over my shoulder, picking up my pace even further and turning back into the neighborhood, my long legs eating up the distance. More of the neighbors were out and about, many of them either taking a walk to enjoy the nice weather, or working out in their flower beds and gardens. That was one thing I did enjoy about the neighborhood. Everyone took good care of their properties, and it was pretty here. But, though I nodded in acknowledgement to the people I passed, making an effort to be friendly, today the neighborhood didn't feel like home. Every day that Sean and I managed to get together, I always felt more than a little down on my way back. I knew it was because I didn't want to be running away from him, towards home. But today, it was worse. Today, as I was once again surrounded by human suburbia, I found myself feeling almost like I was entering foreign territory.

By the time I turned the corner, bringing my parent's house into sight, I felt twisted up tight inside, a far different pressure building within me. And, as I started to slow my pace finally, my calf muscle almost screaming as the flow of adrenaline declined, I suddenly realized what I was feeling. It wasn't just the fact that yet again, I was leaving the one I loved behind, no. It was because I had to leave him behind to go back to a place where the very idea of us loving each other was a matter for whispers and dark glances at the best of times. Right then, as my pace became nothing more than a jog as I got closer to home, I had the sudden urge to stand in the middle of the neighborhood, where everyone could see me, and scream at the top of my lungs 'I have a boyfriend, and he is a fox!!'. That realization staggered me, making me stumble as I came up the walk, the toe of my right foot catching on the concrete. Barely managing not to fall by catching myself on my hurt leg, I clenched my jaw, biting back a curse. Where the hell did that urge come from? Was I really just that tired of hiding it, and like a pot on a burner, I was boiling over? Or was it the fact that Sean wanted us to be free and open together, even for a few hours?

Coming to a halt before the front door, I tapped the music player to stop it, pulling the headphones from my ears, resisting the urge to double over panting. Reaching for my water bottle instead, I unscrewed the top, drinking deep in one long, smooth draft, draining its contents to give me time to get a handle on my emotions. I had to get a hold of myself. If I actually announced it to the world like that, the consequences wouldn't be remotely pleasant, in the best of circumstances. And that didn't even count what would happen if I did that before even telling my parents. That thought made me shudder, even though it gave me a moment's pause. Why don't I just come out with it? Not later, not someday down the road. Right then, right at that moment, the urge to do just that was almost overpowering.

And then, as I stood there, trying to get everything under control, I felt a cool, slimy trickle sliding down my thigh and I grimaced, clenching up again. My stumble and shiver had done more than aggravate my leg, it had caused an evidence leak as well. Taking another breath and muttering a fierce curse under my breath, I opened the door, peeking around the edge to find the hall clear, a straight shot to both my room and the bathroom. The fact that my parents weren't in sight was a relief, though I also felt a little irrational flare of disappointment.

Easing the door shut behind me, I tried to tiptoe down the hallway, but my legs were not having it. One calf screamed at me for running on it even though it was already hurt, the other similarly protesting because of the stumble, and my upper legs and butt kept tensed so I wouldn't have my boyfriend's seed running down my legs while walking through the house was too much to manage. The most I could do was a sort of limping stagger that was about as graceful as a zombie lurching through a cheesy horror movie. Still, I made it past the empty kitchen just fine, but it was apparently entirely too much to ask that I make it to my room uninterrupted.

“You ok, Greg?" My father asked, coming out of his office, the empty tray in one hand. His evaluating look went up and down my frame for a moment and I desperately hoped he wouldn't notice the sheen of the liquid that had trailed down my left inner thigh. The hot urge to blurt it all out, to come out right then and there and to hell with consequences shriveled beneath his gaze, replaced by an icy rock of fear and doubt. Standing as straight as I could, almost at attention, I winced, hoping my posture would hide not only the evidence but also what I was feeling.

“I'm alright." I stated, managing a pained smile. It was all I could do not to wince and quail under his gaze. “I pulled a muscle, and then stumbled. I think I overdid it and now I need to rest my legs."

“Ouch." He commented, his expression sympathetic, not suspicious. “Yeah, that will do it. How was the run otherwise?"

“It was fine." I replied, taking a couple small steps towards my bedroom, exaggeratingly favoring my left leg, trying to hint that I needed to get going. Unfortunately, that action made my muscles shift in the wrong way and I felt another little dribble leave me and I tried desperately not the shiver. Despite the danger, or maybe because of it, the feeling sent a thrill down the length of my spine. “I did a little broken field running in the park, which might have been what pulled my muscle."

“Hmmm..." He confirmed in a hum, resting against the door jam. I didn't know exactly what had made me say that, the way I had, but I knew from over a year of being closeted that consistency was the only way to keep a deception going, so it was a definitely a good thing I had. “Its good to vary your route, especially to try a harder type of running." The fact that he obviously approved was something, though it wasn't as good a feeling as it could have been, considering my body wasn't listening to me anymore. I could almost feel the muscles in my backside relaxing and I resolutely set my jaw, making an extra effort. “Still, you should be careful. Getting hurt doesn't help anybody."

“I know. I'll take it easier for a couple days." I replied, trying to indicate in every non-verbal way I knew that I didn't want to stand here talking anymore. Finally, I decided changing the subject might do it. “I ran into Connor on the way home. He said he was going to try out for the football team this year."

“Really?" My father asked, smiling and finally standing back up and starting down the hall towards the kitchen, making me heave an inner sigh of relief. Since Connor's parents knew mine in passing, I knew that news had the best chance of distracting him. Hearing that another boy aspired to the ultimate manly athletic pursuit (in his opinion), was usually a good bet to get him off a subject. “Good for him. Though he won't hold a candle against you, son, if he made it."

“Thanks dad." I replied, finally throwing caution to the wind and taking a couple full size strides down the hall. “Anyway, I gotta shower and change. I'm getting sticky."

“Right, right. Enjoy." He said over his shoulder, whistling the refrain from a favored rock tune as he walked, and I almost ran the last few strides to my room, shutting the door behind me in a hurry. Breathing a heavy sigh of relief that cracked the ice inside me, I pulled the music player and runner's belt off, dropping them onto my bed. Kicking off my shoes, I finally dropped my running shorts, reaching for the box of tissues by my bed. That, I reflected as I wiped up the trails down my thigh, was entirely too close. Fortunately, the mess wasn't as bad as it had felt like it was, barely noticeable now that I was looking at it. Still, I wasn't going to chance making more of a mess. Pulling my running shorts back up, I fished the phone out of my pocket. Thanks for the run. I typed, almost hitting send. Then, after a moment of consideration, I continued the message. I'm missing you bad right now.

Dropping the phone back onto the bed as it sent, I plucked a fresh pair of underwear and a new shirt from my dresser and headed down the hall to the bathroom. Once the door was closed and locked, I dropped my new clothes and stripped off the dirty shirt, and at long last, stepped out of the running shorts, luxuriating in being free for a few moments. Catching sight of my reflection in the mirror, I paused. The long lines of the scratches that decorated my torso had faded from red to pink, the thought making me shiver at the ghost of a sensation, the memory of his claws against me. Then, I turned around and looked at my back, admiring the effect of the claw marks trailing down and the glistening mess that was seeping out of me now that my muscles were finally relaxing. I didn't know why, but seeing that had always felt like a mark of pride, or maybe a badge of honor. Why wouldn't it be? After all, it meant I had been with someone I loved, and treated with love and affection. Now, if only Sean were here with me, this would be a perfect view. Smiling to myself as my loins twitched in appreciation, I stepped into the shower and turned on the water.

The first cool shock of water hitting my chest was as refreshing as it always was, making my body stand up and take notice. It was why I almost never waited for the water to warm up before getting in. In short order though, the stream of water heated to steaming and I ducked my head under it, reaching for the shampoo. While I soaped up, the hot water starting to soothe my sore and painful muscles, I turned my mind to considering Sean's request. Whether I wanted to go or not wasn't even a question. But could I convince my parents to let me go, without also telling them who and what he was? On the one hand, my parents, especially my mother, were pretty easy going with such things. Hell, I distinctly remembered my brother getting caught coming home at five in the morning after going to an all night party his senior year without even asking and only getting a talking to, not any punishment. Then again, he had, at the time, also been the offensive captain of the varsity football team, and an honors student, so he was obviously responsible and doing well. I had the honors part covered, and I played on not only the football team, but also track and cross country, so I had my brother beat in number of teams, if not seniority.

Plus it was summer, not the school year. Hadn't I proven by my hard running and academic record that I was responsible enough to be given a little trust? Of course, the other side of that coin was that I was carrying on a secret homosexual relationship with a nonhuman, even though I knew that doing it in secret would only reinforce their notion of it being wrong. Maybe they would be right not to trust me… Grimacing, I grabbed the bottle of facial soap and started scrubbing my skin, trying to erase that traitorous thought. While I didn't manage to wipe away the line of thinking with the soap, I did manage to get it in my eye and the frantic rinsing that followed the burning sensation did the trick. When I was done swearing at my stupidity and I could see well enough to grab the body wash, I let my mind take a different tack.

Maybe if they initially refused, I could offer my father a deal of some sort, an exchange. I had realized years ago that, being a lawyer, he appreciated that kind of thing. Rinsing off the suds, I stepped out of the direct stream of water and considered myself again. Smiling to myself, I scrubbed my butt with the wash one more time, regretfully taking extra care to make sure the last evidence of Sean was gone from my body, much as I might have wished to keep some reminder with me. Sighing, I finally turned off the water and stepped out, reaching for the towel to dry off. When I was clad in clean clothes again, I headed back to my room, already preparing my mind to at least glance at the college info packets that universities always sent out to seniors. I knew which university I wanted to go to of course, and even what I wanted to study while I was there, but if I didn't make an effort, it would piss off my dad, and that would lead to all kinds of uncomfortable questions.

When I had tossed the dirty clothes in my hamper and decided that laundry could wait another day, I turned back to my bed and noted the light blinking on my phone, indicating a message. Unlocking it, I felt a broad grin come to my lips, seeing that it was from Sean. Two messages, actually. The first was pure text. Thank you for running with me, too. It said. The second one was marked as a multimedia message, which could simply mean that it was too long to fit in a single message. The way my settings were configured, such messages needed to be acknowledged before they would be downloaded. Shrugging, I tapped the message, watching as it loaded. The message's text came into view first, Well, we can't have that, can we? Then the rest of the message appeared and my eyes went wide. I found myself suddenly sitting on the bed, my tired legs suddenly seeming to have lost all strength. A significant portion of my blood seemed to have found a different task as well, my underwear tenting instantly.

The rest of the message was a picture of Sean lounging on his bed, facing the camera in the stereotypical model pose, his handsome vulpine head resting on his right hand, his left draped fetchingly on his side. He was also utterly and completely naked, and what was more, his shaft was fully exposed from his sheath, even the slight bulge of his knot visible, a sly, teasing grin on his muzzle. I had no idea how he managed to take the picture with his phone camera, but he knew the device better than me. Of course that might have been because my brain didn't just short circuit at the unexpected and yet very welcome sight, it full on blue-screened.

Thoughts of my fox so completely filled my brain that the sight of the picture was all I could see, the memory of his scent, so fresh and visceral he might as well have been sitting beside me filling my nostrils. Even his voice was there, filling my ears. I could swear I heard him chuckling at my reaction, see his grin turn anything but teasing. The burning sensation in my lungs, matching the heat on my face from my blush, finally reminded me to breathe and I sucked in a long breath, trying to get my brain to think again.

When I could finally think about something other than the apparently mind-shattering appeal of my vulpine lover, I coughed, managing to type out a reply to his message. God damn it. That is the opposite of helpful. I sent. I could almost hear him chuckle at my reply, and a few seconds after he would have hit reply, his next message came. I disagree. Now you have something to remember me by until we see each again ;) Have a good day hon. I shook my head at his guileless reply and smiled in spite of myself. That did it. I was going to see him on his birthday even if I had to sneak out of the house to do it. Making my shaking and clumsy fingers work, I managed to start the process of setting up encrypted storage on my phone. No way could I leave that where anyone else might find it...