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"So you wanted my help with Tatiana?" Sam asked as we started walking towards the cathouse, having cleaned up the toys, filled out the paperwork and set up Janus' semen sample to be frozen later for long-term storage.

I shrugged. "Well... yes and no. It's not that I really need any help... but... I just figured she might appreciate it since she's not had cubs before and I'm... well... You've seen that I'm not a tiny Asian dude." I winked and smirked a bit.

"Sexual harassment in the workplace, Mr. Peters?" she inquired, at which I just burst out laughing and Sam smiled.

"No... discussion of potential problems regarding a procedure involving one of the animals." I winked and she smiled again. "Though I'm glad you aren't as cold as you used to be about things."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I still don't like men, wel... most men, but... you're... not like most men, so... I guess it's alright that I like you." She smiled up to me a bit as she hesitantly yet openly pondered aloud. "Especially after last month."

"Even if I'm you're boss?" I asked.

She thought for a bit as we reached the doors to the cathouse and continued to do so as we entered the building. I unlocked the door leading to the basement and we made our way through before she answered. "I guess that's alright. I mean, it's not like you're forcing me to do anything against my will, nor even threatening my job about it." She seemed to think even more as we descended the stairs to the basement. "I guess... it's more like you're threatening your own job letting me do what I do... and.... having me and Gwen over now and again and... doing for me what... you did for me."

"Or to you?" I winked and reached to wrap my arm around her as we reached the basement corridor.

"Or to me," she admitted, snuggling into my embrace. "I just... " she waffled a bit. "I guess I never realized, or never wanted to realize, there were good men out there that liked me as... me. Not just for sex."

I chuckled. "Watch out, Samantha Jane. You might turn bi!" I winked and she laughed as I unlocked the larger medical room and set about getting things prepared for what I had half-planned.

"Jim... can I..." she asked, seeming to become sheepish and quiet all off a sudden once again as she leaned against the exam table.

"Can you what?" I asked curiously, putting a few things I'd need on the rolling cart. Lubricant, exam gloves, the endoscope and video set, Sam had brought the camcorders and tripods along with her in their duffle. I then looked to her with a questioning expression on my face.

"Do you think... sometime I could... maybe test you like I do with Janus and Thor?" she looked down at her feet, as though she were sheepish and shy Gwendolyn rather than strong and firm Samantha.

I chuckled softly. "It's not beyond the realm of possibility, Sam. Though there would be some details that would have to be worked out beforehand, and permissions from Julie and Gwen, but I've contemplated such things a time or three. Though for right now I think we'd best concentrate on Tatiana... or for me to concentrate on her at least. Kinda distracting pondering getting buttfucked by a girl with an electric dogcock while you're trying to work past some inhibitions about cherrypopping a tigress."

Sam smiled then furrowed her brow in slight confusion. "Why now, Jim? I mean, why haven't you done this sort of thing with her before? We've had her for like... what... two years now or so? And why would you feel inhibited?" she asked with genuine curiosity, though hesitancy apparent in her voice.

I shrugged a bit and pondered aloud. "As far as why right now, I don't really know. Realistically, for a long time I've been wanting to use her first time to inseminate her with Hugo's or Jake's semen to see if she can have liger cubs, but... it doesn't look like that'll be happening anytime soon with all the political turmoil here, especially if Jack has his way and the board dismisses me. The board meeting is 12 days off, so she won't have another heat between now and then and... she's overdue for a general exam so... might as well catch up on my paperwork and perhaps give her some special attention she possibly never will feel again." I smiled meekly as I rambled reply.

Sam looked at me with a concerned expression as I spoke. "You're that worried the board will actually go with Jack and fire you?"

I sighed some. "It... remains an open question, really. If they want to go the pencilneck policy path then, yeah, I'm done for. I freely admit I don't work and play well with others, I do things my own way whether or not there are dictats against it, and... I do tend to run this place like it's my own rather than there being a director over it all, so... they could indeed vote that way. I don't think they will, but my perceptions could certainly be askew and things could indeed go against me if the board chose to go by the book on things," I admitted. "Flipside is, I'm relatively alright if they choose to dismiss me, as I've grown quite tired of knocking heads with Jack like a couple of male mountain goats. Though there are a LOT of things I'd miss about being around here." I sighed a bit at that revelation.

"Well..." Sam said as she thought for a bit. "What will you do if they do fire you?" she asked with genuine interest and concern.

I shrugged some as I leaned against the counter, thinking. "I really don't know." I chuckled softly and smiled at Sam. "There's so many things I can do for a living that... I've never really given it too much of a thought. I've gotten two letters from a headhunter wanting me to take up a position in another zoo, but I probably wouldn't do that since I don't want to move. I could go back to making custom caging... I could breed and study ligers... I could roll a show again... I could..." I smirked some "make porn movies!" I winked as I finished that sentence and Sam laughed. "There's lots of things I could do, really. I've just never really given it much thought since... well... I'm playing for keeps here and I just figured I'd see how things go. Never know, too, they might dismiss me and then ask me back if Jack fucks things up too badly without me to save his ass and the zoo from real trouble."

Sam looked quite thoughtful at that final comment. "I guess that's a possibility, too. I never really thought of that. But that still leaves the question of why you worry about mating with Tatiana."

I sighed deeply. "I... really don't like causing pain. I mean, I get that it's generally inevitable for a female's first time, especially with a bigger male, but..." I shrugged a bit "I just want her to enjoy it and while there's something a little... internally satisfying... about the thought of being the very first thing inside her love-tunnel, the fact she won't have only pleasure from the experience kinda... well... makes me a bit uneasy about it all."

Sam came over to me and gave me a firm hug. "Even if it hurt me, I'd have been honored to have given my virginity to you, even all those years ago. And I think Tatiana would recognize that you care for her... and have always cared for her, even with the pain of her first time." She chuckled a little. "And someone once told me that without pain we wouldn't know how to appreciate pleasure. I wonder who that could have been..." she said and smiled at me.

"Have no idea..." my face broke into a smile in return.

* * * * *

Soon enough everything had been set up and I had brought Tatiana downstairs to the larger exam room. She hopped up onto, then flumped down to lazily loung on the exam table, which was lowered further than when I had Hugo or Jake on it. I had secured a thick rubber mat to it instead of using the stirrups the male lions preferred to use, as she liked to be chest-laying for her exams. The mat was cut to size from a large sheet typically used for flooring in animal trailers, horse stalls, and other industrial anti-slip applications and served my purpose quite well as it allowed her to dig her claws in and brace herself as necessary without any damage to either the equipment or herself were she to slip on the polished steel of the table itself.

When I first let her down to the basement she had wanted to go to The Park for a cleanout, as that was our typical routine, but this time I had skipped it and guided her back along the corridor to the door of the larger exam room. Sam had been waiting inside for us and had smiled as Tatiana hopped up onto the table and laid down without any difficulty or quibbling. "Have her well-trained, don't you, Jim?" she inquired, halfway in jest.

"Well, yes and no. She's learned a few different routines and "tricks" here since we've had her but most of her manners and such were from her training by her previous owners. I just sorta... added to it as necessary." I smiled and pet down Tatiana's side. She'd been down here plenty of times before so she was relatively used to the basic exam routines of me checking her teeth, her eyes, claws, skin, and feeling her pretty much all over and even doing a blood draw from a hindleg - all of which I quickly accomplished without anything more than her occasionally turning her head and shoulders to watch what I was doing as I moved about and intermittently filled in the blanks in the paperwork forms. Sam just stood there watching and smiling and occasionally petting the soft striped fur of the lounging "patient". After I had finished with Tatiana's head, I encouraged her to pet and cuddle that end of the tigress while I worked further along her body. I scritched at her tailbase and the appendage twitched some and lifted a fair bit, clearly exposing her more intimate parts from her position chest-laying with her hindfeet out to the side. Sam stepped around the table and upon seeing her swollen vulva, as well as her reaction to my scritches at her tailbase, Sam chuckled. "I can see she's ready..." she commented.

"Ever explored a tigress before, Sam?" I asked as I gently slipped the lubricated thermometer into Tatiana's tailhole, causing a slight flinch in the highly-lifted tail towards her back, but, true to form, Tatiana made no move to get up even though she remained completely unrestrained. Sam mutely shook her head and I smiled. "Well, here's your chance. It'll be alright," I said as I waited for the thermometer to register appropriately.

Tatiana kept a close eye on Sam as she moved about alongside the table, being somewhat unused to more than one person being around her for such activities, but my hand petting on the tigress' back and side seemed sufficient to keep it just at a curiosity level rather than her moving to investigate. As I held the glass instrument in Tatiana's rear, Sam moved about and gently touched Tatiana's flank, then vulva, which brought a twitch from the swollen and dampened organ and her head whipped around to see what was going on behind her.

I shushed her some with a soft breathy sound as I pet her upper hip, still waiting for the thermometer to register enough. "You can glove up and gently slip a couple fingers in... at least a couple knuckles deep. Go exploring." I smiled. "They're not that different from wolves but enough that... they're just different. Be careful of her hymen though. She'd definitely react to you pressing too hard against that," I said and cautioned as I moved aside a little to give Sam room.

"You sure about that? I mean... she's... kinda yours, Jim." Sam seemed almost sheepish again as I nodded and she put on a single exam glove and with a click and squidge she swiftly lubricated two fingertips with the gel. Tatiana stiffed up a bit and looked straight forward at the sound and scent and Sam looked curiously to me as her tailtip started twitching nervously.

"I'm sure, Sam." I noticed Sam's curious expression and answered her unasked question. "She's used to getting special attention now and again after the main part of the exam is over," I smiled. "Just anal sex so far, with some light vaginal stimulation at times. Just fingers in there so far. Well, and the occasional thin endoscope, but no specula or larger toys just yet. As I said, I was saving her cherrypopping for a special occasion. She gets nervous about the feeling of first penetration of her anus that she's expecting as she seems to be not too keen on that initial stretching feeling but she seems to enjoy the feelings of it all once I'm actually inside her."

I think Sam actually blushed as she slipped first one digit, then another between the puffy labia of the striped girl laying before us. Tatiana, for her part, shifted a bit uneasily as Sam explored her feminine parts, and then yowled a little bit when, apparently, Sam found her inner barrier ring.

"She seems awful tight for... someone like you." Sam cautioned with a look of concern on her face.

"If she's tense, she would be nearly impossibly tight... but... we've played around before so I think she'd not have too much trouble, I hope. She'll probably try to strangle my dick when it finally pops her cherry, but I can probably wait it out and she'll feel all sorts of new sensations once I'm all the way deep inside her lovetunnel," I chuckled softly and extracted the glass instrument from her rear and noted her temp on the exam form. Still, I had lingering doubts inside, though, and it showed clearly on my face.

Sam continued feeling her inside as I did so, and I could see Tatiana's rear muscles squeeze now and again and her hindpaws widened in a spread-like action as though she were about to grasp something quite widely. "I think she's enjoying it." I said as I winked to Sam, who then blushed.

Shortly thereafter I was finished with the general exam form and Sam had removed her fingers from Tatiana's girlparts, and had felt inside the tigress' other orifice, blushing as the tigress flexed her pucker a time or three grip-squeezing on the invading digits as it had to my phallus in the past. "She... I didn't really think of cats like this, Jim..."

I moved back to the table after setting up the video endoscope while Sam explored Tatiana. "Well, she's quite a sexy kitten. She's different from Flo or Pickles or Peaches or even Cleo, but that's part of the fun. Just like... well... with you. Losing one's virginity can happen only once, even if you'd like to "redo" it another way at another time." I caressed Tatiana's flank as I gently spread her puffy labia and guided the narrow scope tip into her body, its advancement showing on the monitor, which was being recorded in detail.

I smiled as it came to the constrictive ring of tissue that comprised Tatiana's hymen, and Sam was curiously watching the monitor as well. "Is that her... hymen?" Sam inquired, hesitantly. I chuckled softly and nodded. "Big cats and canines tend to have a circumferential hymen rather than anything occluding the majority of the passage, like humans and mares and several other species."

Sam looked to me with concern. "Will it.... cause her a lot of pain?"

I sighed some and frowned a bit, advancing the scope a bit more as Tatiana wriggled a little on the table. "I don't really know how much it'll hurt her. I'm guessing it'll hurt some but... I wish I knew so I'd know what I should do about it," I freely admitted. "Giving her a muscle relaxant would help her stretch more easily, but it'd also take away some of the stimulation that would give her the pleasure from having something inside of her, as she'd want to naturally grip on the object within her body." I chuckled softly at that. "I'm sure you've experienced women that like something large inside them moreso than something moving inside of them." Sam blushed a little at that and nodded as I advanced the scope further to reach Tatiana's cervix, there being a little daub of fluid mucus clearly visible drooling from the opening to her womb. "If I give her something like a spinal block that'd block out all movement as well as sensation so it wouldn't hurt at all for me to open her, and she'd only ache later, but... that wouldn't really do. It'd be like fucking a blow-up doll or something without any reaction on her part - nor even the ability to react," I openly pondered. "About the best I can do is maybe give her a dose of analgesic afterwards so it dulls the pain for her later, but... it's sort of a mixed thing whether or not she should experience it au natural, or not."

Sam turned and looked up to me, then finally spoke. "Like I said before, Jim, if I'd have had the ability to pick someone to give my virginity to, I'd have picked you, Jim. Because I know you care."

I gave a bit of a strained smile as I extricated the scope from Tatiana's body. She, for her part, rippled inside and wriggled a bit outside, likely from the stimulation of the movement and a bit in nervous anticipation of things to come, if she realized that was what was in store. She called out a mating "groan" and her tail fwipped about a bit as she did so. I pet her hip and Sam chuckled softly. "I think she's ready for you," she said softly.

I pet along Tatiana's back and moved forward, sighing a little as I cupped her face in both hands. She groaned out again and shut her eyes, ears tipped forward as I cupped her face and kissed her nosie. "May I mate you, Tatiana?" I asked softly, knowing full well she couldn't understand me the way Cleo did. She opened her eyes and called out again, this time shifting her rump to the breeding position, backing up a little bit to crouch with her hindpaws' toes at the very edge of the table, her tail held up and out to the back with its tip twitching, pelvis rocked upwards to allow a male cat to catch his penis in her vulva more readily. I couldn't help but chuckle at the brazen display as I put a special restraint collar on her, which she readily allowed.

The broad leather band was buckled around her neck with four chains running from D-rings along its periphery. The two lower, shorter ones were meant to be latched into hooks under the front corners of the table, the rear, longer pair going to similar hooks under the middle of the table, all four working in conjunction to prevent her from rising, as well as from moving side-to-side or forward or backwards to any great degree. I then placed a wide restraint band somewhat tightly across her shoulders to keep her chest-laying as she needed to be, and then a second restraint band put somewhat ahead of her hips, but not tightened as much for she'd likely want to rock forward, as in a natural breeding, which thought was a bit silly in concept for the impending unnatural coupling between man and tigress. I undid the button, then dropped and stepped out of my trousers and shorts and moved up behind her, my maleness somewhat thick but flaccid.

Sam had been wordlessly watching as I prepared and applied the restraints to Tatiana, petting along the tigress' back and hip as I moved about. Tatiana herself paid more attention to Sam's actions than my own as she'd been restrained in this manner numerous times before. As I stepped up behind Tatiana, Sam looked curiously to me. "What should I do?" she asked, seeming a bit unsure of herself.

I smiled. "I'm not ready just yet... I... don't know if I can because I don't know if I should..." I commented as I stepped forward and pressed my groin to the tigress' rear. My worries were soon proven unfounded as she wriggled a bit and my member started firming from the sensations and the warmth of the body before me, even though I still had lingering doubts of whether or not I should have included Sam in this, or whether I should be doing this at all.

Tatiana solved one of those worries by rocking her rump against me as she felt the sensations of me pressing against her rump, her tail having been moved to the left by my body rather than having been allowed to remain straight out rearward as it would have been had a male tiger been the one mounting atop her rather than a male human standing directly behind her. "Just pet and cuddle her, Sam." I said after a few moments of both indecision and contemplation. "She'll likely stare straight forward and might strain some during it all. That's normal in tigers mating... If you're off her shoulder she won't be able to snap at you even when it hurts. I doubt she would, but... one never knows as this will be a completely unusual experience for her... and me." I sighed and pondered as my member kept firming against Tatiana. Should I go in bare and mate her tenderly, lovingly, or should I rubber up and keep her insides clean and free of evidence? The thoughts rolled through my mind a bit.

I stood back a half-step and spread her labia with my left hand while with my right I grabbed a previously-prepared lube injector, then guided it slowly, gently into her vulva a couple inches until it nudged lightly against her virgin barrier. The warmed liquid lubricant squirted into her as I pressed the plunger down and had definitely solicited a reaction as the tigress stiffened up some, facing directly forward, and rocked her hips further upward as she groaned out again. I smiled as I withdrew the lube injector and then pressed my semi-erect shaft along her puffy vulva, the heat being quite obvious as the difference in our body temperatures, even with our arousal, soaking its warmth into my growing organ. Sam, for her part, just pet Tatiana's head and occasionally glanced back to watch me now and again.

"I think I'm ready..." I said, as I rubbed my glans on her now-more-wetted vulva as the injected lubricant had started dripping from it. I parted her labia again, showing the dull pink interior that now glistened - both with her own natural mucus as well as the artificial lubricant I'd just jetted into her body. I pressed my glans to the soft pinkness of the opening and placed my free hand on her left hip. I hoped at least one of the cameras would capture the majority of the details of her very first vaginal penetration as I closed my eyes and pressed forward into the tender tigress.

More easily than I had anticipated, her vulva and vestibule parted easily for my thick, rounded glans and the I felt her body stiffen up noticeably. I pet along her back at her hip as Sam pet her further forward and I murmured to the tigress sweet calming nothings as I felt her volcano heat internal warmth begin to spread widely for my thickness. Soon enough my tip was nudged against that circumferential barrier to her vagina proper and I stopped pressing forward.

Tatiana keen-groaned out as I took a breath and pressed myself more firmly against her barrier, the flesh not really wanting to part as her body tensed up and gripped my member, preventing much more forward movement. I caressed along her spine, Sam pet her at her withers as she strained forward against the restraining collar, but still stared straight forward, her jaw agape as she panted. After a moment or two her internal muscles relaxed some and I pressed more firmly and she once again tensed more, so I relaxed the pressure a bit. I knew I wouldn't have been able to keep this up long enough to achieve full penetration as I already felt myself starting to soften at the discomfort the penetration was causing her. My brow furrowed, breathing rapid, as I drew back a little and thrust forward quite firmly. Harshly, even.

As my tip made contact with her virgin barrier, she rocked her hips back a little against me and my glans squeezed most of the way through the tight ring of tissue. Tatiana yowled out loudly as her rear muscles tensed, then fluttered. I took the opportunity to shove forward hard as her internal muscles relaxed for a split second and quickly sank the remainder of my mushroom cap into her super-tight vagina proper, with a palpable popping-relaxing sensation within her. One more quick shove and I smiled as I was deep into her ultra-tight vagina. This brought about more squeezing on her part and when it let up a bit I gave another thrust and I smiled broadly as I felt her cervix mush firmly against my glans while her body squeezed terribly tightly around my maleness as she yowled out again.

Sam looked more than a little concerned at Tatiana's actions and vocalizations, but soon smiled when she saw me leaning over Tatiana's back with my hips pressed firmly the against striped flesh of her rump. As the tigress' tight grip-squeezings let up a bit I started slowly mating her, my maleness having re-firmed quite a bit inside her from both her warmth and the sensations of the pleated texture of her most intimate tunnel being spread widely by my thickness and rhythmically gripping down upon it. On drawing back a bit I noticed the pinkish-red color of the slick lube and mucus and knew without a doubt she'd been made a true woman by my thickness which now connected the two of us. She was rocking a bit in counter-thrust with me that little bit by rolling her pelvis forward and back as I withdrew and reinserted myself, starting to cycle as I mated her as though she were accepting the initial entrance of a tiger male multiple times a minute. We mated far longer than a male tiger would have done had he mated her even four or five times, and now and again her insides would flutter and squeeze tightly and each time she reached her peak I'd thrust deep and feel myself pushing her cervix deeper into her body, sinking just that wee bit more into her each time as there was typically a little of myself still outside of the widely-spread "O" of her dark vulva.

For her part in the activities, Tatiana moaned, groaned, and chuffed. She wriggled her rump now and again when she'd pass an orgasm but she made no real fuss about the mating I was giving her. Whether or not this was due to having been used to the occasional mating up her tailhole we'd done in the past, or whether she was enjoying the filling fun of the breeding I couldn't tell, but her face remained strained straight forward, jaw muscles flexing occasionally but the jaw remaining slack open, panting, eyes unfocused most of the time but staring straight forward at the wall, or so Sam said a time or two as she questioned whether or not Tatiana was alright. I was too caught up in mating the tigress to question what Sam was thinking of the full display until she seemed to know I was getting close to my own orgasm and came around the table to stand by Tatiana's rump... and as I started thrusting a bit more sporadically she pet her hand along the tigress' flank and, using her thumb and forefinger, encircled her tightly-stretched vulva and "pinched" the flesh even tighter to my shaft, causing Tatiana's clitoris to be pressed terribly firmly against the underside of my shaft as I thrust deeply one final time and unloaded into my striped charge.

Tatiana, for her part, reacted to being seeded in such a manner by having one final massive orgasm, seeming to me to be much stronger than any that came before. Whether this was from things Sam had done or not, I didn't know and at that point, I didn't really care as I slumped over Tatiana's rump, panting heavily and holding my breath periodically as I'd squirt another gob of seed into her yet again. A sweaty, out-of-breath, panting mess of a man laying over a tigress that was bound to the exam table she was crouching on.

After a few moments I collected myself enough to undo the straps holding Tatiana down, but she made no move to go anywhere as Sam undid the chains and removed the restraint collar from around her neck. I was still panting somewhat atop Tatiana's rump as she rolled a bit to kick her feet out some to chest-lay again with her feet out to the right side, her tail now centered again as she had turned and I took it as a signal to pull out that our mating was done. But no sooner had I started withdrawing than her insides gripped me tightly and her hindpaws made that spread-wide move again, so I stopped pulling out as her internal fluttering calming some. Another three times of withdrawing a bit, her gripping tightly, and me stopping for a moment occurred before I was able to pull free, stripped, as it seemed, of all of my seed letting it soak into her alongside the natural and artificial lubes and the bit of blood from her ruptured hymen and probably also a little from microtears from the massive stretching her untested canal had just experienced. I grabbed a white paper towel and dried my member of its coatings, then folded the paper and set it aside.

Sam looked curiously as I did so. "Souvenir... and epithelial cells. But mostly souvenir. It's not often one gets to deflower a tigress." I admitted. "I wish I had souvenirs like that of some of my former lovers.... " My mind flashed to Zera... and my countenance dropped to a severely sullen expression.

Sam clearly noticed the change in my demeanor. "Jim? You alright?" she inquired as I shakily got out the video endoscope and turned it back on, threading it back up into the now-snoozing tigress on the table and recorded the aftermath of our coupling, white goo and all. The hymenal breaks were clearly bleeding a bit, as I had figured was inevitable, and her vaginal canal itself was a much deeper red from the stretching but there were no visible tears or anything that a couple days' sexual rest wouldn't remedy.

I withdrew the scope from inside Tatiana, set it aside, turned off the machine and sighed deeply. "Remember how you were when you found Kozu dead that day and how he had been special to you?" I asked. Sam swallowed hard at the direction the conversation had turned and meekly nodded. "There used to be a lioness named Zera here before you hired on... she was special to me." I swallowed hard myself and fought back the tears. "I... wish I had been brave enough to mate with her like this back then and to have memories of that sort of thing with her." I got ahold of myself some and frowned a bit then looked to Sam, my expression introspective and melancholy all at the same time. "I don't know what's worse, Sam... finding a critter you care for dead somewhere and knowing that there's nothing whatsoever that could be done at that point to keep them around, just being present when it all happens and wishing there was something, anything, you could do to help prolong their life even though you know you're unable to do anything meaningful about it, or... actually making that last, final decision for them and hoping with all of your being that it was the right one as you watch their body shut down from the chemicals washing through it and the look in their eyes both knowing it's their time to leave and yet wanting to continue on with you for every last moment possible, every microsecond more."

Having said that last part, the cork for that particular demon's bottle jiggled loose and I started physically shaking and had to sit down, tears flowing freely from my eyes and quickly dripping off the end of my nose. As I sat there staring at the floor in an unfocused manner, I thought that this whole scene must have been a rather disturbing sight - a pantsless, teary-eyed, male zookeeper with a clothed female co-worker, and a freshly-fucked tigress laying on an exam table dripping pink-tinged goo while camcorders continued documenting the psychologically-confusing happenings. Sam looked even more confused as suddenly I burst out laughing at the realization of my current appearance, and I smiled a bit at her, ripped a paper towel from the roll, wiped my face and then blew my nose with a loud honk, at which Tatiana raised her head to look at me from her reclined position trying to figure out the origin of the odd sound. "Sorry," I said. "Sometimes memories are a bit strong around here, Sam. I've had plenty of sleepless nights and known too many goodbyes before the next day's opening."

"I can see that!" Sam softly exclaimed as I moved to Tatiana's head, lifting it and kissed her nosie once more. "Thank you for giving me this gift, girl." I said to her, knowing full well she couldn't understand any of the words but hoping she'd appreciate the sentiment. She just closed her eyes and chuffed softly in response, so I kissed her nose again and laid her head back down before I looked about for my absent clothing.

Soon enough I'd dressed and finished off the paperwork while Sam cleaned and packed away everything we'd used. Then we casually strolled along the corridors to take Tatiana back up to her cage, her padding along before us without any leash on. The main hall was empty of the public as the announcement that the zoo was closing had occurred as we had been cleaning up.

"Jim?" Sam asked as we reached the top of the stairs to the mezzanine and I opened the door to allow Tatiana to head back to her cage as she walked unrestrained with us.

"Yes, Sam?" I replied, turning to her as Tatiana padded along the cage row back to her home.

"Thanks for sharing this with me. It was special and...." she gave me a half-squeeze with one arm as we walked along behind the tigress as she padded along the terrace "... thanks for caring so much. Both caring about the animals and caring about me. I can really see now why you didn't want to share stuff that night with us girls. I guess life does affect you a lot, too. I just..." Sam swallowed hard and looked down, then looked back up at me with a sad expression. "I guess I never thought beyond what happened to me that anyone else could ever... well... I dunno..." she rambled.

"That anyone else could feel deep emotional pain about things?" I offered, smiling tenderly at her. Sam nodded and I chuckled softly. "Sam... What you went through was horrible. But... everyone has their own horrors. It's not like we can compare things. It's not like I'd want to compare things." I rambled a bit as I unlocked the cage door for Tatiana and she padded through to get a drink from her automatic waterer. "There's things I've seen and known that... would give lots of people nightmares. There's things you've experienced that would do similarly." I frowned a bit and turned to her after I locked Tatiana back in. "They're just different is all."

Sam nodded and we headed along the mezzanine and out the door, one arm around each other as we walked. "So who was this lioness, Zera, and... what happened to her?" Sam asked, cautiously but curiously. I took a deep breath, sighed, and began explaining as we headed to the parking lot.

* * * * * *

I was still in a somewhat mixed mood as I pulled up the drive and parked the Blazer in the single garage bay. Christina followed me into the house without any issue, like usual, after we'd made a tour of the yard for her to do her business. When we came in I took her straight upstairs, as had become our routine, and opened the upper kiddy gate for her to go through. Cleo didn't have any problem whatever with the placid Saint, and Christina even tolerated the cubs bumbling over her and tugging at her ears or tail every so often while she lay snoozing somewhere among the second-floor rooms.

When I came back down Julie met me at the bottom of the stairs with a kiss and a hug. "How was your day today?" she inquired merrily.

I could only sigh in response. "It was...." I looked deep into her eyes. "Mixed day, hon."

Her expression immediately changed to one of worry as her cheeks drooped and her brow knitted. I smiled a bit as I noticed the change. "It's just... been... complicated."

"Did something go wrong? With Jack or... Sam... or Tatiana?" she inquired hesitantly, clearly not wanting to upset me further if I had been.

I just shook my head. "Nothing quite like that, hon. An old memory just came out to haunt me while I was.... with Tatiana. Well, afterwards, actually." I blandly said, sighing again. "How long till supper?" I asked with as much of a pleasant expression as I could manage at the moment.

Julie smiled. "Since it was just us I made some Italian herb chicken, Parmesian pasta, and some garlic breadsticks. I figured it'd be just us, but I... made a little extra just in case someone else showed up. It'll be ready in just a..." She cut her statement short as we both heard the timer bell go "ding!" in the kitchen.

I chuckled and gave her a tender squeeze. "Thanks hon..." I smiled lovingly and gave her rump a pat as she went to tend to the dinner, then I sighed deeply and looked over to the carved mahogany box on the one shelf of knicknacks between the television and the stairway door. I frowned a bit and headed into the kitchen behind her, let myself through the kiddy gate there, grabbed a couple glasses, filled mine a bit with ice from the freezer, some soda from the 'fridge, and sat down in my usual chair at the kitchen table... and sighed deeply yet again.

Julie looked over to me with a concerned expression but didn't say anything as she dished up the food, while Washington got up and sat down next to me. I put my hand on his head and he lifted his bad paw and put it in my lap. I gently felt it and he didn't object to the examination at all, so I smiled some, having figured it must have just been a soft-tissue injury to his foot that was healing well enough, and even though I still had to get the shot pellets out of his pelt he'd be back to abnormal again soon enough as he'd already started filling out again, gaining weight just as I figured would happen.

Julie served my plate of food and sat down next to me. "What's wrong, Jim?" she asked. I smiled a bit as I looked to her. I thought for a moment before answering. "Not at dinner, hon. This... it'll keep for a bit. Just... trust me. This one...." I let my voice trail off into yet another sigh.

She put her hand on my arm. "Jim, I just... I've not seen you like this before, dear. I mean, I've seen you worried. I've seen you be a bit down. I've just not seen you well... this. I don't know what the right word is for it, but it seems you're far worse tonight than I've seen before."

I sighed deeply and then smiled lovingly at her. She did deserve to know, after all. "Julie, remember... when you first met Cleo and watched Jim and I do that exam on her to check if she really was pregnant?" I asked. She mutely nodded. "Remember how there was something that troubled me as we walked back to the office afterwards, when it was just you, Cleo, and I? It's that, hon. That memory came back up today." I swallowed hard and then frowned. "I... didn't really want to tell you then because... well... I didn't want to trouble you with it, as it's one of the more... bothersome memories I have. Sad memory." I cut up my chicken breast some as I tried not to let the cork wiggle loose for a second time that day. Julie continued looking at me but didn't say a word.

I looked deep into her eyes as I continued. "We've come a long way together since then and you've shared some of your past with me - the past that troubled you. And... back then I didn't really want to scare you away with some of the bad things I've seen and experienced in my life." I pondered how I wanted to phrase the next part. "I... think it's time I shared that one memory with you. But... not right now. Not at dinner." I looked to her lovingly, but my eyes were starting to tear up. "It wouldn't mix well with the good food you've worked so hard to make." I tried my best to screw on a halfway smile as I looked at her, my eyes going a little blurry and a couple tears tracing down my cheeks for a moment.

Julie's expression changed from worry to a saddened expression and I felt a little bad for that too. I smiled a bit as I got control of my emotions. "Quit worrying, Julie... let's enjoy supper first. It'll all be alright" I smiled a little broader. "Smells really good. Anything else go on here today?"

Julie smiled a bit herself. "Oh... nothing much worth mentioning, dear." She gave my arm a squeeze and pasted a smile on her face as well. "And I'm glad you like my cooking. I tried to make it how your recipe said."

It did taste rather good... and after the day's activities I was certainly hungry.

* * * * *

We skipped the movies and I headed upstairs a little early... in the bedroom Cleo and the cubs had pretty much taken over the entire end of the room - under the bed, in front of the dresser, the little space in between - but that was alright since there was the kiddy gate keeping the little ones from accidentally taking a tumble down the stairs, and Cleo seemed to not mind asking for bathroom privileges.

As I sat on the edge of the bed she padded over to me. I smiled a bit and pet her head tenderly. "Yeah, Cleo... I've had a somewhat sad day today." I smiled a bit as I was pretty sure that behind her usual blank stare she was actually a little concerned about me, too. Just then, Julie came in and sat on the bed next to me. "So... how do you want to do all this?" she asked, then smiled sheepishly "I'm sorry, that... came out a little more demanding than I intended...."

I chuckled softly and smiled back at her. "That's alright, hon. I..." I furrowed my brow a bit before continuing. "Would you mind if Cleo snoozed between you and I for a bit tonight?" I looked at Julie with a hopeful expression.

Her smile became a legitimate one instead of its previously embarrassed state "Jim... I know something big's bothering you. There's very little I would say no to at this point if it'd help you get through whatever the "it" is." She put her hand on my arm. "Especially if it's Cleo."

I leaned down and kissed the top of Cleo's head. "Would you mind joining us in bed tonight, Cleo?" I inquired. Cleo tilted her head some, and I realized the error of my ways. "Cleo, would you like to sleep with us for a time?" I rephrased. Cleo nodded hesitantly. I furrowed my brow in thought. "Are you worried what I'll do?" I asked, taking a guess at why she wasn't enthusiastic about time in bed. She shook her head readily. I thought for a bit more. "Are you worried about your cubs?" She nodded readily this time. They had been bumbling around quite a bit and had started to get into things, but thankfully Cleo was an exceptionally good mother in keeping her brood from destroying the furnishings or getting into the electrical and electronics cords and cables, and the cubs had started using an oversized litterbox I'd set up in the hall where there was more room for such things without it being in the way. "Would you like your cubs to sleep on the bed with us?" Cleo tilted her head for a time and then nodded.

Julie had already gotten under the covers and I thought for a bit... Julie and I typically did move around quite a bit at night... but the cubs probably would too. "Cleo, do you think your cubs would stay on top of the covers if we let them up on the bed, even if you were under the covers with us for a time?" I finally asked. Cleo thought for a good while and hesitatingly nodded. "Would you be able to tell them to stay on top of the covers?" I inquired. Cleo nodded.

"Cleo, do you remember when you were at the zoo and we checked on your cubs the first time while they were still inside you?" I asked, petting down the side of her face as Julie laid facing towards us, listening. Cleo nodded. "Do you remember when I told you about Zera later that night after your bath?" She nodded again. "I'm going to tell Julie about that... and that's why I want to cuddle with you while I tell her. Would that be alright with you?" I barely managed to gurgle out as my emotions were getting the better of me once again. To my unbridled relief, Cleo nodded, so I climbed into bed and Cleo laid between Julie and I, facing me and her back to Julie as I helped her fold her hindlegs into the long-familiar jack-knife position.

Her milk-filled breasts were warm bumps against my chest and belly as she snuggled up to me and Julie snuggled up against her along her back. I kissed Cleo's nosie as I drew the covers over us all. I leaned up a bit to make sure a garage-sale ottoman I'd picked up was against the foot of the bed for the little tumblebutts to climb up if they wanted to. I sighed and snuggled Cleo, petting down her side.

"Julie... ever wondered what that dark wood box is, downstairs on the shelf by the TV? The one with the lions carved on it?" I finally asked after a time.

"I'd wondered but I just figured it was just something you'd picked up somewhere. It looked African like a couple of your other wood carving lions." Julie replied nonchalantly.

"It's.... That's what's left of Zera, a lioness that meant a tremendous amount to me a.... Well, I guess it's a long time ago anymore." I corrected myself, choking up a bit as I spoke. "It's her ashes, hon, and her claws." I sighed deeply and swallowed hard as the tears started to flow.

Much like that night a few months ago with Cleo and I downstairs, I told Julie of the events of that night, seeming only like a few days past even though it had been years... many years at that. I described what had happened over that night, amid a bit of crying hiccups, my voice cutting out now and again, and sniffing snot back up into my nose. I told how my Zera had deteriorated in health, even though Jim and I couldn't find anything technically wrong with her - at least nothing that we would be able to do anything about. Julie started to cry as I told of that morning, of Zera wobbling outside... of the final moments of her life with Jim and I on that little grassy knoll of lawn out front of the lionhouse. I could barely speak at that point, my breath shuddering and erratic, the tears flowed freely, and Cleo tried to gently lick them away every now and again with her warm Brillo pad tongue. My exhalations fluttered the fur of her throat and face. Julie reached over Cleo and held my hand as I told her about the lions roaring out, and the rest, having willingly let that demon out of its bottle to play for a time for her... well, it wasn't exactly for her benefit, but for her edification no less.

One of the cubs had bumbled up and curled up behind my legs as I related the events. I didn't lean up to see which and couldn't have clearly seen which even if I had tried to do so. Cleo raised her head and made a few soft mewls and a couple breathy sounds before the cub curled up to snooze where it had settled as I spoke.

"And... well.... that's what was on my mind tonight, hon. When I was down in the larger exam room with Tatiana," I finally managed to gurgle out some. "Sorry for dumping this into your lap, but... I figured it was time you knew, since it had come up."

"I... Oh, Jim, I had no idea." Julie finally managed to stammer through her own tears.

Now was my time to give her hand a tender squeeze. "It's alright, Julie. Jim remembers it, and even Billy knew a little of it as he'd had his picture taken astride Zera when he was a way little shit. He liked her a lot and she was quite fond of him as well." I took a shuddering breath. "Like I told you back then, there's much I know that you'll learn in time, or learn on your own, or hopefully not have to ever know and experience at all. I just... I kinda wish I had taken the chances and made love with Zera back then like I did with Tatiana today. Or.... had some small part of her continue on somewhere, somehow. But that was years before cryobanking of ovaries was anything resembling common, even though semen has been banked since... hell... the 50's." I shrugged a bit and kissed Cleo's nosie. "I just wish I could have kept her around forever, just like I'll feel the same about Cleo here, or Larry and Terry... Maverick, Washington, any of the dogs or cats. Or Sam's wolves or... hell, even those annoying birds that Craig Covington is in charge of." I chuckled a little. "Well... maybe not them. I'll leave them for Craig to want to keep around."

Julie giggled a little at that last part as she sucked in some snot from her own crying and I chuckled a little. "But... you can see why I didn't want to share it with you back then with us two hardly knowing each other."

Julie nodded and sighed a bit. "Yeah, Jim, I... I don't think I would have been scared exactly but... I dunno." I smiled at her and we both snuggled closer to Cleo.

"Thank you for letting me cuddle you right now, Cleo. I really needed it." I said as I kissed my lioness' nose.

We three just snuggled in together, wriggling a bit more to get comfortable, and I felt two more weights plunk down around our feet but atop the covers as I sighed deeply again and drifted off to sleep, the sounds of Modern Marvels softly playing in the background along with the flickering dim light of the television bathing the room in its mild electronic glow.