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_ _

Does it still hurt?

Not as much as the fear of losing you.

They might try again.

Let them try. I'm done playing. Nobody is going to come between us. I promise.

_ _

Tuesday, 3rd April,2029

It had been two weeks since the accident. Two weeks in and out of consciousness while his broken body healed. The doctors had monitored his health and brain functions constantly, making sure he didn't slip into another coma. He slept a lot. But he was visited by various family members (all of whom looked several years older than he remembered) who helped him fill in the missing years he had lost. During that time there were only snippets of vague memories that would come fluttering out of nowhere and disappear like snowflakes melting on his hand.

Alex watched the cars pass by as he struggled to stay comfortable. Every bump in the road sent a sharp jolt of pain through him, despite the painkillers. The sunlight through the windshield was glaring, despite his dark sunglasses. He tried keeping his eyes closed but it gave him motion sickness so he merely squinted, but that increased the throbbing pressure in his head. He winced as he twisted to take his migraine medication out of his pocket and struggled to open it one-handed. He could ask Lily for her help but he knew she wouldn't want to take her hands off the wheel.

He glanced over at the woman driving him home. He remembered her, at least, but he remembered her as the girl he had a crush on in high school, and now they were married and living together. She hadn't left his bedside for the first week, then visited once a day, filling him in on what he had lost.

Lily had explained Alex's work at Goddard Genetics, how he had stolen a dragon, raised her, got caught, the creation of the Dead Man's Switch, and how he had played Goddard at their own game, in the end winning not just custody of Naomi, but they agreed to fix her broken wing. Most importantly, he knew to keep most of this a secret. Only three knew of what he had really done, himself, Lily... and Naomi herself. Nobody had seen her since the night she tried to visit.

If he consciously tried to remember Naomi there was nothing to remember. But once in a while he caught himself thinking of her, catching brief snippets of running his hand over her feathers (dark as obsidian and shaped like knife blades) or the feel of her scales (softer than his own skin and just a bit cooler) but when he tried to imagine her voice he came up with nothing.

Learning that dragons were now commonplace wasn't nearly as much as a shock as learning that he not only owned one, he owned one of the most expensive ever made, the first dragon ever designed to have human level intelligence. He learned about the ongoing struggle to give dragons more rights, so that they weren't merely property, but citizens. And he learned that he was famous. Alex and Naomi had done hundreds of interviews for TV and print, partly to advertise for Goddard, partly to push for the rights of non-human sentient beings. It was a lot to take in at once. And yet another part of him knew it was true. The amnesia had wiped the memory but the faint outline was still there, like the ghost of an image on paper after the pencil had been erased.

Lily spoke up for the first time since leaving the hospital. “Does any of this look familiar to you?"

He glanced outside and saw she was taking the exit that led to his house. “It does. I remember this road, at least."

He saw her nod. “Good. Remember taking it every day? And coming home?"

He finally got the pill bottle open and swallowed one. “I remember my house, yeah."

Lily had been persistent with reminding him to do his memory exercises. Almost annoyingly persistent. He was supposed to pick one thing he remembered and follow it from there, step by step. He didn't see the point of this since it always led to a black void.

“That's the hardware store where I get most of your presents," Lily said. “Remember when they had the sale on all the Makita stuff and we had to take two trips to bring it all home?"

“Yes," he lied. The migraine medication wasn't working.

“What else did you get from there recently?"

“Wood stain," he said without thinking. She glanced over at him, surprised. “For what?"

He tried to think and came up with nothing. “I don't know."

They drove on while Lily drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. Then she suddenly said, “Wait, check your phone. I saw the picture when you were in the hospital."

He pulled out his phone, wincing when he had to twist his shoulder. In the photos folder, the first pictures showed a model sailing ship. Then a photo of own hands holding a can of “weathered oak" coloured Varathane wood stain.

“It's from my ship model," he said.

“Good!" he could hear the smile in her voice and for some reason it was grating rather than endearing. “When do you think you'll be done it?"

The ship didn't look the least bit familiar to him and it looked complete, but lacked a name on the hull. Bad luck, he mused. Thanatos. The name came out of nowhere and disappeared. He had no idea why. When he tried to imagine working on it, it was just his imagination, and not a memory. He winced at the pain in his head. “I don't know," he said, gritting his teeth against the pain in his head.

“Okay, you must have bought the stain, and so then you drove home, and then you..."

“Lily, I really don't feel like doing this now," he said with more force than he intended.

“Okay, sorry." She kept her eyes straight ahead.

He held back a sigh, then looked back down at his phone and scrolled through his pictures until one made him pause. Naomi had somehow managed to fit her wings into the baggy sleeves of his Millennium Falcon T-shirt and was wearing an unmistakable smile on her scaly face. He paused at this, staring at the screen long enough it turned off, and he had to unlock it again. This was important enough to merit its own picture. And somewhere inside his mind there was the memory. It was right under the surface but as soon as he reached out to touch it, it disappeared like a soap bubble. He closed his eyes and (Naomi looked up at him and said something to make him burst out laughing)

_ _ He touched his face and realized he was smiling. What had she said that was so funny?

“Naomi," he mouthed the word. He imagined the word [Naomi] written down. On a clipboard. Covered under his thumb. Shattered fragments of memories he had to pick up one by one but that dissolved once he touched them. Like burned bits of paper with partials words still legible on the ashen surface. (In front of him a steel cage with grimy windows and a floor of ash. Inside the box was death.)

He had a feeling if he could remember her, he could remember everything.

He scrolled down the photos till he reached July 21, 2028. Himself in a suit, Lily in a white dress, standing together, holding hands. Naomi was sitting on her haunches, a small box clutched in the knuckles of her wings. Two small silvery bands in the box.

Various family members and friends he recognized. Monty was his best man, her maid of honour her sister. All people he recognized, but at some stranger's wedding that just looked like him.

At some point he must have proposed. He hoped it was something clever or creative.

“What was the date of our wedding?" he asked out loud.

“It was July 21, 2028," Lily said. “You wanted the date to be July 20 because of some space thing."

He nodded slowly and said, “July 20th was the date Apollo 11 landed on the Moon."

She snapped her fingers. “That's it. But I didn't want to get married on a Thursday so we made it the day after. You were mad."

“Sounds like me." He put his phone away and pulled out the broken fragments of his wedding ring. The hospital had to cut it off his swollen fingers and he would have to get it repaired once he had time. The two halves of it lay in his palm like two silver crescent moons.

Lily turned on the radio to break the silence, surrounding them in classical piano. The tremulous fringes of a memory came to him, as slowly as molasses. The two of them dancing together, weaving in and out of strands of music. He could remember the music. “House, romantic ambience," he had said. Mozart flowed through the speakers above him and they danced together in the dark room. Lily was indistinct, just a vague white shape. He was holding her waist so she wouldn't fall. But why would she? Her wings were wrapped around him and… he paused and narrowed his eyes. Wings? Was this memory about Naomi?

He was glad he hadn't bothered to close the pill bottle as he swallowed another, then reached over and pulled out the booklet from between the seats. The front showed a stock photo of a confused looking woman holding her fingers to her forehead and furrowing her brow. Underneath it said Coping with Amnesia.

•Remember that you are still the same person you were. You may feel helpless and alone, confused and disconnected at times. These feelings are normal.

•It's okay to seek professional help. A qualified psychologist can find the right methods to help you adjust to your new life. He or she can offer different coping methods.

•It's important to return home as soon as you are able. A familiar environment can trigger many memories that help you restore your life. A quiet, relaxing space is ideal.

•Be patient. Understand that your memory may take months or years to return. Some things may never return.

•Avoid drugs or alcohol, and try to maintain a regular sleep schedule.

•You may experience mood swings; these are normal and will fade with time.

Imagine that, he thought to himself. He tossed the booklet away and looked out the window. “Can you tell me when we pass the site of the accident? I want to see it."

Lily didn't say anything, just bit her lip and looked concerned.

“Lily? I want to see where the accident was."

“I'm not sure that's a good idea." She glanced down at the booklet. “The doctor said it might be traumatic or some-"

A flash of anger that came out of nowhere made him say, “I've had enough fucking trauma, I won't..." he pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. “I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you, I'm just..."

“I know. It's okay."

He wished he could reach over and take her hand but the only hand that could reach her was in a cast and he couldn't twist in his seat.

She spoke up again and her voice was husky “It's coming up. I took a different route whenever I visited you in the hospital. I just couldn't drive past it. Every time I did I thought of you..." she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

“We don't have to stop if you don't want to. I just keep thinking about it and I want to see if I remember anything."

She nodded, and after a minute, pulled over and parked the car, went to the rear doors and took his crutches out, then helped him out of the car. He winced when he settled onto the crutches but said nothing. He looked around. It could be the same as any other stretch of road in the suburbs. Trees on one side, sparse houses on the other. But he looked down and saw the crystalline twinkle of broken glass under foot. And just off the road, a tree had been scraped clean of bark and marked by a smear of white paint.

“Any idea where you were going?" Lily said quietly. He thought he identified some hope in her voice. She was standing near her car, holding her arms around herself.

“No. I thought this might help but..." he closed his eyes and pictured himself driving, getting slammed into his side by a pickup truck... but no memory came to mind. He looked off into the trees.

“Is that my hubcap?" he said. It was lying in the bushes, 20 feet from the road. If he was able to, he would have retrieved it but it would be to much effort now.

He went over to Lily. It was awkward hugging her with his crutches but he managed just the same, despite the ache it caused him.

“At least I still remember you, right?"

“Not really, though." She smiled through the tears. “Not the important bits."

He kissed her slowly so she knew he meant it. “I've always liked you. I'll get used to being your husband and we'll be back to normal in no time."

She smiled at that and said nothing. They got back in the car and she pulled back onto the road. He leaned back and thought, maybe when he was back home in a familiar environment he could clear his head and remember things.

* * *

“The stock value of Goddard Genetics continues to plummet, closing at just over $24 from an all-time high of over 960, earlier this year. Employees and stockholders continue to push for the resignation of CEO and founder, Dimitri Goddard, and demand to know the truth behind the

accusations levied against the corporation. Details and rumours of the so-called Project Sobek continue to spread, as well as leaked images from the genetics testing labs in Belarus. Goddard himself denies these accusations, and that the images are faked in order to undermine the company..."

The TV paused when it heard him speak: “That was my fault, wasn't it?"

Lily paused before answering, choosing her words carefully. “I don't think so. The day of your accident..." she smoothed over the fabric of her jeans and flicked away an imaginary piece of dust. “The day before your accident, you kept checking your dead man's switch to make sure it hadn't gone off." She stood and picked up the tablet and handed it to him. “You were trying to do it secretly but I knew what you were doing."

He took the tablet from her and thought, you're definitely my wife. He browsed through his programs until he found DMS.exe. He double-clicked it and was prompted with a password. He stared at the screen. “I don't suppose I told you the password, did I?"

“No, you said it was for my own safety not to be involved."

He looked up at her. “For what it's worth, I'm sorry. It sounds like this is all my fault."

She smiled and lay a hand on his knee, on the cast. The motion was meant to be intimate but it only highlighted how awkward it was. “It's not your fault. You were just trying to protect the ones you love. I thought it was pretty ballsy to be honest."

He smiled back then paused. “The ones I love?"

She blanked for a second and said, “The one you love, I mean. Me." She stood up and said, “Do you want a drink? Something besides tea?"

“Just tea, thank you."

“Is it okay if I have one?"

He looked up. “Why would I mind?"

“Just wondering." She left and he heard her voice from the kitchen. “The night before your accident, you were up all night making your ship." He glanced at the wooden sailing ship model above the fireplace. “But you left in the early morning. The next time I saw you, you were in the hospital."

He nodded then turned his attention back to the tablet. Apparently he had known that he himself wasn't the one who leaked Goddard's secrets to the press, so it must mean his Switch still hadn't gone off. But since he didn't remember the last time he logged in; it could go off any day now so it was worth trying to get into. And he'd like to know what information he had stored on it. At least it might help trigger some memory that had so far remained elusive. His fingers hovered above the keys. Somewhere in his mind was the password but if he was going to remember it, it would come to him randomly, like all his other memories. There was no point in trying to force himself to remember.

While he waited for his tea, he opened the browser and idly scrolled through his social media. He opened the YouTube app and searched his own name, and found dozens of matches of various interviews on talk shows and podcasts. Some had over a million views. He tapped the first one. On the screen, Alex walked on stage wearing a suit, and behind him walked a black and white dragon, human-sized if it was walking on its hands and knees. The on-screen Alex shook hands with a talk show host he didn't recognize and sat down while the audience clapped. As if he was as comfortable on stage as he was in his own living room.

The host asked, “so I have to ask, why dragons?"

Alex laughed and said, “well, why not?"

The audience laughed, and the real Alex watching raised an eyebrow.

“Goddard wanted to start with something big. Something exciting. Since people started experimenting with gene editing, it took off in the commercial world. Once it was legal to play around with DNA, multiple companies got on board. They started with simple and safe edits, like making blue cats or glow-in-the-dark fish. I guess that's interesting to some people. The problem was, it was still expensive to do this, and the novelty wore off pretty quick since a cat is a cat no matter what colour it is. So, Goddard thought, if people are going to be spending a hundred thousand dollars on a pet, it might as well be something awesome. So, they chose dragons."

“Naturally," the host said. “And you started working there for the same reason?"

Alex paused. “I knew the genetic revolution was coming. I wanted to be part of it."

That wasn't true, Alex thought while watching. He only started working there because he needed a job, and they were hiring. And he was always good with animals. So, he started as a handler and then... what happened after that? Think, Alex, think.

The host continued: “And they gave you this one as a thank you. The first non-human with human intelligence." He leaned forward. “So, what about you, Naomi? How do you feel about being the world's smartest dragon?"

The host talked to Naomi as if she was a child. Alex felt a brief flash of anger and imagined himself punching the host. Then Naomi spoke on screen, and he heard the same voice he had heard so many times before, and yet heard again as if for the first time. Goosebumps raised on his skin and his stomach felt like he had just chugged ice water.

“I never thought of myself as intelligent," Naomi said carefully. “I just saw others like me as dumb. I still feel like I have more in common with the average human than the average dragon." She looked up at Alex. “I'm glad I have someone I can talk to."

Alex reached over and hugged her. The audience awww'd and Alex watching gripped the tablet so hard he thought it would break.

“Obviously you support the movement to grant citizenship to non-human sentient beings?"

The host was looking at Alex, but Naomi answered. “It makes sense to me. Why wouldn't we? I think I deserve the same rights all of you were born with."

A murmur of agreement from the audience. Alex spoke up. “We've been working with the NHPLS – the Non-Human Persons Liberation Society, to pass the Inclusion of Non-Human Persons Act, to give dragons have the same fundamental rights as any citizen. Obviously, there's been vocal opposition, there always is with things like this. This has put Goddard in an awkward situation because you can't legally own a sentient being. And since Goddard is a private company, they wouldn't make dragons if they couldn't sell them."

“Which means no more dragons would be made."

“Exactly. The government realizes this, so they allow Goddard to continue. You still have to pay for them, but it's more like adopting a child than buying a pet. You're a legal guardian, not an owner. They can leave if they want. Naomi could if she wanted to."

“But so far I tolerate you," she said. Her expression was subtle, but he knew it was the face she wore when she was joking. (But how did he know that? he mused.)

“When I think about it, it's weird how quickly society adapted," Alex continued. “But since so many people have adopted dragons, there's another huge market to exploit. Dragon clothing. Dragon backpacks. Cell phones with touchscreens that work with claws. Naomi has one."

“But no clothes, I've noticed," the host pointed out.

“Clothing would just slow me down," Naomi said, which was met with sporadic laughter from the audience. For some reason Alex thought she wasn't talking about flying.

“Now Goddard Genetics is one of the most valuable companies in the world. Lots of companies are indirectly owned by Goddard so it's more of a conglomerate of corporations than one single company. At the very least, since Goddard owns the copyright on the word dragons, anyone who makes a product for them has to pay a licensing fee. They make more money off this stuff than selling dragons."

The host said, “Alright, I have to ask: is there any truth to the rumours of Goddard creating anthropomorphic human-animal hybrids in some secret lab? Either in Russia or China?"

Alex paused before answering and chose his words carefully. “I don't know. If they did, I was never involved with the actual genetic tweaking. I was just a handler, and now I do PR stuff. People always ask me that but I just don't know. I'm sorry I don't have a more interesting answer than that."

He paused the video and looked at himself on screen, next to an exotic animal that was somehow intimately familiar. He didn't know how he felt. To see this guy who looked just like him, acting completely different, next to something that shouldn't exist. It must be fake. Or maybe it was still a dream. He'd wake up in his own bed, and it'd be a time he'd remember the last few years. Did he dream in the coma? He tried to cast his memory back but found nothing but darkness.

From the kitchen he heard bottle being poured into a glass. It went on for a long time, practically long enough to drain the bottle from the sound of it.

When she came into view he saw the wine glass was nearly full. He glanced down at the time on the tablet and saw it was 10:41 AM. He didn't say anything. These last few weeks must have been stressful for her.

He said, mostly to himself, “What I don't understand is why I went through so much trouble for Naomi. From the sound of it, this Lukas guy could have set the Russian Mafia on me. I know Naomi was smart but it seems like a lot to go through for what's basically a pet."

As he said the words there was something in the back of his mind nagging at him. Something so obvious that it couldn't be seen. He looked around his living room, and saw (grey feathers swirling around the living room) the same living room he had known for years.

“Feathers," he said. “Did she have feathers?"

Lily didn't answer. But Alex was deep in thought. Dragons were born with feathers, he knew that. And they moulted once they reached maturity and adult size. So Naomi had shed hers and she was (shivering naked in the cold) well of course she was cold, her feathers were gone so he had (under the blanket together) He frowned. The rest of his memory was blank. Fuck me, he whispered. The memory was so close he could almost touch it. He looked up at his wife. She was leaning over the coffee table, hands around her wineglass. It was already empty.

“What's wrong?" he said.

“There's something I haven't told you yet."

They stared at each other from across the couch. She was sitting as far away from him as possible. “What?"

“This is going to be hard to explain," Lily said. She took a breath and laced her hands together. “So I'm just going to say it..." She looked up at him, with a face that was awkward and embarrassed. “You love her. Not like how someone says they love their pet or whatever, but you actually love her. In the same way you love me."

“Not like, in a romantic way?"

“Yeah. Like in a romantic way. And um, physically."

A silence filled only by the ticking of a clock somewhere. “What?"

“I know it's going to be hard to accept to accept. I thought you might remember on your own so I avoided telling you, but..." she looked up at him. “It was hard for me to accept at first too, but I... kind of came around to it."

“What do you mean, physically?"

Lily shrugged. “Well.. you know what I mean. You two are physically intimate. I know it's hard to take in and I didn't think you'd believe me but I thought you'd remember once I told you, and you were back home...you don't remember?"

“No, of course I don't remember that! That's what amnesia is!

“Calm down! You're not supposed to get stressed out." She gently laid hand on his and he pulled away.

“Well of course I'm stressed out. You're telling me that I fucked my own pet? Isn't that illegal? Not to mention depraved and perverted."

“She's not a pet," Lily insisted.

“There's no way. There's no way. You're bullshitting me. Why are you making this up?" He clenched his one working hand into a fist. Red started to appear in the corners of his eyes. The left side of his head started throbbing. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Alex stood and for a second forgot his injury; a sharp jolt of electric pain shot up his left side and he cried out. The world went dark.

“Alex!" Lily put out her arms to catch him but he collapsed back onto the couch.

He barely heard Lily, as if from a distance, shout, “Are you okay? Did you break anything? Do you want me to call 911?"

His forehead was already beading with sweat but he felt cold. (She looked up at him with unmistakable lust on her scaly face) No she didn't, he thought to himself. He shut his eyes and tried to catch his breath but every breath sent another sharp jolt of pain through his ribs. (Her wings wrapped around him like a warm living blanket.) He gritted his teeth and panted, waiting for the pain to subside. “Fuck me," he said. (Fuck me, Naomi whispered. And the way she said it, it was like her own thoughts, a desire that manifested in those two words.)

“It's true," he said. His voice was hoarse. “I don't remember it but I know it's true." He opened his eyes and eventually his heart slowed to normal. He looked up at his wife. “I must have been really desperate. But if there's one good thing about the accident, at least it got rid of that aspect of my personality."

“Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

“No, I'm fine." In truth he didn't know. His body was numb and agonizing at the same time. His head felt like it was full of TV static. But that was nothing compared to the turmoil in his mind. Lily helped him sit back up and he took a sip of tea. His mind cleared a bit. “Was it because I was so desperate and lonely?" he asked.

“I don't think it was because of desperation. Maybe partly, but... she really is like a person. I wish she was here to help explain."

“Well, I don't. It's good she's gone. And good I don't remember it. What the hell was wrong with me? You were okay with it?"

“I know it's weird. But it started to make sense after a while. That's also kind of what she was designed for."

“What do you mean, designed for?"

“I said you uncovered a bunch of Goddard's shady business practices. That was one of them. She was literally designed, at least partly, to be good at sex."

“And... and you're okay with that? Me and her together?"

“Um, well, I kind of do stuff with her too." she gave a kind of half-smile. “I know it's weird."

“So the three of us... like share each other?"

“Well, the four of us. I told you about Rubik, he's been staying at my parent's house. He and I kind of... you know."

“Rubik." (The dark ruddy red dragon looked up at him and said hi) “So the four of us just..."

Lily shrugged. “It works. If you can have Naomi and me, I can have you and Rubik. You were never jealous."

“Jesus. I can't… I'm sorry. I need to work this out for a bit. I feel like you're just making all this up." He paused and swallowed. “But some part of me knows it's true. Everything you've said, I think I remember parts enough to know it's true, but…" He wasn't looking at her. “I think I just need time to think. I need some air."

“That's fine." She got up and leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I'll be here. Call me if you need help."

With his crutches he limped outside and took a breath of fresh air. A cool spring breeze touched him, making the grass shimmer like waves. The back yard was just as he remembered it. A bit farther beyond, the woods started. There used to be an old rotted fence marking the edge of his property but he had torn it up years ago. And right where he was standing was where (Naomi tried to fly, but her wing wouldn't extend so no matter how much she tried she couldn't take off and he tried to reassure her but secretly hoping that it would just work even though he knew it wouldn't.)

And then? He asked himself. But there was nothing to remember. Searching through his memory was like looking through empty boxes. He imagined himself sitting on the floor of a dusty warehouse, frantically ripping open cardboard boxes, finding nothing, tossing them away, opening the next one and the next one and the next and the next and finding nothing and there's massive piles of boxes within crates and shelves filled with crates and multiple rows of shelves that fill the room from floor to ceiling and it just goes on forever.

He clutched his head in his hands and felt the bald patch along the left side and the bumps of stitches. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and held it. He looked back at his house and saw something in the grass right below his bedroom window. He hobbled over to it. On the ground beneath the window the grass had been tamped down roughly, and marks rent into the soil, deep enough to fling dirt around. Off to the side, a single black feather. He bent down to pick it up. It was pitch black, almost unnaturally so. It was about the size of a crow's feather, but more sharply angled, like a knife blade. This was no bird feather. He brushed it against his lips. (Don't try to fly, he said, murmuring softly into her ear. Her scales were cool against his cheek. Just fly!)

He hobbled out the centre of the yard, holding the feather. The wind was picking up, tugging at his clothes and threatening to push him over. A single snowflake drifted down, followed by another.

He looked down at the feather in his fingers and it shifted in the breeze, struggling to be free from his hand. He opened his hand and it fluttered in his palm for a moment, then it caught the wind and lifted away from him and he watched it rise in the air until it was just a speck in the sky and it disappeared.

* * *

Date Unknown

She thought she was flying vaguely southeast but didn't know for sure. She tried to avoid thinking about anything for too long because if she did it would eventually lead back to Alex. Just concentrate on flying and the steady rhythm of breathing and flapping while her muscles didn't even bother to complain anymore. It was bitterly cold up here but she refused to feel it. All that existed was the steady beat of her wings, the relentless rain beating down upon her. Hours came and went without bothering to stop. Dawn arrived and then bright sun piercing through the clouds, breaks in rain, then dawn and blackness and another dawn and still she flew.

A crow screeched at her and she ignored it. It dived again and she felt the red-hot scratch of its talons. When it came around again she twisted in midair and caught it in her talons and tore it in half while it screamed. Both halves still struggled as she let them go and watched them flutter away in a cloud of blood and feathers.

The ground was coming closer. She urged her wings to take her higher, but they stubbornly refused and she eventually relented and looked for a spot to land and found a rocky beach at a small lake. When she landed and folded her wings she gasped – they had never hurt this much since the surgery. She stood for a moment just breathing. Once she stopped to pay attention to it, she realized how hungry she was, and her muscles burned. When was the last time she ate anything? It certainly wasn't today, or yesterday. She could walk into any store and, for the price of a selfie, get a free meal.

Or she could stay here and starve. What difference did it make?

She walked to the edge of the lake and saw her reflection. One of her feathers was missing and she vaguely remembered it being pulled out in the scuffle when she escaped Alex's house. Who could they have been? They couldn't have been common thieves, they didn't carry stun guns and nets.

What happened to Alex was no accident. Someone wanted him dead, and they wanted her captured. If Naomi went back, he'd still be in danger, maybe Lily too, maybe even their families. She allowed herself to think of what happened the previous week (or was it two weeks ago? The days had lost meaning.) Alex was worried because someone had revealed all of Goddard's dirty secrets. Naomi had reassured him as best he could, and it was her suggestion that he simply drive to Goddard and explain the truth to them. And because of her, he had nearly died and no longer recognized his Naomi. No, not his Naomi anymore. Now she was just Naomi. Well, if he didn't remember her, maybe it was for the better. He had his Lily and that was all he needed. She would help him. Now he could live a normal life and not have to deal with her.

She closed her eyes so she wouldn't need to see herself and drank her fill blindly, curled up to sleep and tucked her head under her wing and tried to think of anything but him. Were there bears here? Or anything that could hurt her? She tried to remember where predators lived in North America and realized it didn't matter because she didn't know where she was. And she wasn't sure if she cared any more. The last thing she thought when she drifted off to sleep was that she hoped it would be over quick.

* * *

She was on the roof of an apartment complex looking down at an animated billboard which said: “Corporate News: Dimitri Goddard has been ousted as CEO of Goddard Genetics today, replaced by long-time investor and board member Lukas Koskinen. Stock prices have already risen from fourteen dollars a share to one hundred and sixty-eight. Goddard Genetics and its subsidiaries will be acquired by Koskinen and re-branded as the Greater GodGen Conglomerate..."

But still no news of Alex. She looked away and the billboard switched to an ad:

“Try the new McDrake for you or your scaly friend! For dragon size appetites!"

It recalled a memory before she could stop it:

“Hold dragon gentle like hamburger," Alex said. He was holding Naomi's head with his thumbs on her chin, fingers on the sides of her head.

“I'm not a hamburger!" she protested.

“Yes you are, and I'm gonna eat you." He pulled he closer and opened his mouth wide.

“Nooooo!" she cried in faux worry.

He went “ararararararar," gently biting along her snout, then down her neck while Naomi giggled and struggled to get away but didn't struggle very hard. His bites turned into quick kisses then longer kisses the lower he went down her body.

“Everything turns into kisses," she said.

He looked up at her and planted another one, a real kiss, on her lips. “Always," he said. “At least once a day, every day, as long as I live."

Panic seized her heart and turned it to ice. Did he kiss her before he left? Even on their last day together, she wondered, and even asked him, “Do you still love me?"

Of course he did then.

Once when Alex came home from work he had found Naomi wearing his Millennium Falcon t-shirt. She said, in a faux deep voice: “Naomi, quiet down. I'm trying to read this book I hate so I can tell everyone that I read it."

She had never heard him laugh harder. And he had insisted on taking a picture of her, printing it out, and framing it.

* * *

A video billboard playing the news proclaimed: “Starships Grey Area and Clear Air Turbulence landed at Shackleton Crater today to deliver over two hundred tons of supplies for the new colony."

She looked up at the moon. She had feigned interest when Alex told her people had landed on the Moon again, this time to build a permanent base. His excitement was infectious but it wore off after the second hour of him talking about methalox full-flow staged combustion cycle engines and how nuclear thermal propulsion would be so much more efficient. What she would give to hear him talk about the Moon and Mars right now.

Before Lily moved in it was just the two of them, and once they got over the initial shock and awkwardness of their relationship it was all about exploring each others bodies and minds. Even before she knew what she herself was, she knew she was different from him. He was always warm, covered in a light and soft hair. He was so strong too, and could easily lift and carry her. He smelled different – sometimes quite strongly – but even those times it was rarely unpleasant. Their differences were obvious but they were still physically compatible. She found him fascinating, so different from herself but at the same time he was the lens through which she knew everything else, the window through which she saw the world. He could tell her anything and no matter what she asked, he knew. And if he didn't know he knew how to find out and could tell her within seconds.

Then when she learned what she really was. Humans had words for them. The English word Dragon, from the Latin Draco. She learned there were other humans like him, first from TV while they watched he same sitcoms again and again so they could quote the lines as they were said on screen. He said it was like watching them for the first time when he watched them with her. She'd be absorbed and almost forget that he was there until he'd randomly kiss the top of her head or ruffle her feathers, which always made her smile. His warm, heavy arms wrapped around her. They always found a comfortable spot together.

Then Lily came into her life. At first Lily was seen perhaps as a rival, but then quickly became an equal. The three of them shared each other and never infringed upon each other. It was fascinating being so intimate with another body, so similar to Alex's, but much liker her own body as well.

Sometimes Lily would dredge up some memory from her and Alex's history and tell it to Naomi in confidence for her to bring up randomly to Alex. It never got old to watch him get flustered as he wondered how in the world Naomi knew about the time he accidentally called his (male) programming teacher “mom".

The barest hint of a smile threatened to cross Naomi's lips but it died and turned into something rotten and decayed and sank into her heart.

As she flew, the most mundane of memories came to her mind. Alex drawing on her scales with a black Sharpie, messages, drawings, maps of imagined places. Until her entire body was a canvas of swirls and lines and dots, happy faces and cartoons, half-remembered poems and song lyrics written in swooping letters. Then realizing the pen had got on the sheets and it didn't wash out so he had to get new ones.

Her sense of taste was wildly different from his. Hot peppers had no effect on her, and it didn't matter how many times Naomi could swallow a scorpion pepper or jolokia, he was always impressed. Then when she pounced on him and licked his mouth he got the taste second-hand.

And she had no sense of sweetness so one Valentine's Day he gave her a heart-shaped box and instead of chocolate inside she found different cubes of chicken and fish, seared and still warm from the barbeque. Carving pumpkins together. She couldn't hold a knife so she used her bare claws and they were sharp and dexterous enough to carve into it. The one time he attempted to ride her but he weighed four times as much as she did. She tried to grab onto his shoulders with her feet and lift him but of course that didn't work either. Alex's two-year-old nephew was light enough to actually ride Naomi, but their parents wouldn't allow it, no matter how many times little Robert wanted to “Ride Nami." She tried to explain that he probably wouldn't fall off but they wouldn't have it. In the end Alex admitted that it was probably a good idea that they didn't try it.

Dancing together in his room just days before. Or had it been a month already? He had held her as she walked upright on her hind legs and felt something she had never felt before. And in confidence he had told her something that he certainly would never remember, and she could never tell another.

Would these moments disappear once she forgot them, and it would be like they had never happened at all?

Another endless flight through the bleak grey of either dawn or twilight. Through a cloud, flying in the pitch blackness with coldness clawing at her. No way of knowing her altitude and no way to care. Then suddenly she was out and above the clouds and into an alien world illuminated by the nearly full moon. A serene and silent landscape made of shapes formed by aeolian forces into gently rolling hills and mountains made of cotton; deceptively solid looking until she got close and could notice their amorphous gossamer. It would be beautiful if there was anything left inside her notice.

She flew amidst the clouds, perfectly silent where there was not a living soul and no time. Clouds below and stars above, twinkling. People would look up and find answers in the stars but there were no answers for her here. Whatever tied her down to the mundane was unraveling.

She only realized it was morning again when she saw grids of farmland below laid out like a quilted blanket. She landed and saw horses standing and watching her with curiosity. One approached her and she stood and spread her wings and it cantered away. She was ravenous but only drank a little water from an outside trough. When she bent down to the water and caught her own reflection and saw her feathers were out of place, and half-healed scratches covered her face and neck with streaks of dried blood and smudges of dirt.

Hey. She spun and looked behind her and saw a young farmhand dressed in denim overalls holding a bucket. Hey I know you.

She stepped back and shook her head.

I saw you on the TV. You're famous.

I'm not anything, she said. She crouched and prepared to take off.

What are you doing all the way out here?

Nothing, she said and took off.

You're Naomi, right? Alex Chapman's dragon.

Naomi flew.

Alex Chapman's dragon.

Am I?