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The Dog House

copyright comidacomida 2023

When Jake was looking for a way to make money over the summer during summer break before his final year of college, the last thing he expected was to sign up for a reality show produced for one of the online streaming services. More than anything, he submitted a response to their casting call as a joke but he was surprised when he got a response. As it turned out, he was a perfect fit for the show and they were willing to give him $1000 to sign a contract, non-disclosure, and film release.

Apparently the producers were looking for 20 Humans and 20 Dogs to take part in a show called 'The Dog House'-- it was a dating show specifically for Burb Dogs and Leashers. Out of all the things that Jake thought would make him 'interesting', having an open mind about pursuing a relationship with a Dog was probably the only thing that could have earned him any attention-- he certainly wasn't much worth considering beyond that, but he hoped that any potential interactions he had during the shoot wouldn't agree with his own relatively low self-impression.

The producers didn't reveal a lot of information aside from the fact that he would spend time in a hotel until he was selected for the shoot. If he didn't make it onto the set then he would still have an all expense vacation for up to two weeks plus a $150 contingency payment but, if he made it on the show he'd get $1000 and a "chance for love". Considering the few dates the young man had been on in his life, he honestly needed all the help he could get-- the prospect of finding love was one thing, but he was also open to the idea of being a Leasher; he'd grown up in a small town and hadn't really been afforded the chance of interacting with a Dog in a deep, interpersonal way.

Jake was a potential cast member the producers liked to call 'blanks': in a line up of dozens of incredibly extroverted, self-focused, over-confident gym rats and models, he was a 'John Q Public'. In other words, he was 'nothing special', and was being used as filler... perhaps a sudden plot twist or a 'booby prize' for whoever ended up getting matched with him. He very quickly learned just how much of a 'blank' he was when he encountered some of the other potential contestants-- mostly by accident since they weren't really supposed to be interacting off set. The fact that the production crew messed up was probably the only reason he ended up on set; the producers chose him to go in on the first day.

The show followed one of the overdone reality TV show tropes involving twelve people being in a huge villa together-- three male Humans, three male Dogs, three female Humans, and three female Dogs. The premise was that the Humans would match up with the Dogs and vice versa, providing each match a chance to 'explore the possibilities of a connection'. It wasn't that easy, of course, since every 2 days two new contestants would enter-- a male and a female Human or a male and a female Dog; participants could choose to stay with their current partner or 'trade out' for one of the newcomers-- presumably creating total chaos among the contestants and generating buzz-worthy 'reality drama'.

Surrounded by the exact kind of participants Jake would imagine seeing on such a show, he was definitely a fish out of water. On the first meeting he was matched with a Beagel by the name of Jodi-- the other couples talked about how cute they were together and joked about how their names were so alike and it was perfect... it wasn't, however. Jake had no chemistry with Jodi; he was a college student studying for a degree in finance and she was a backwater belle. He honestly had nothing against Jodi but her lack of interest in intellectual pursuits and her focus on being a stay-at-home wife didn't jive with what he was looking for.

One Dog Jake did vibe with, however, was Bond, a Rhodesian Ridgeback who was about as much an opposite of the Human as Jodi had been. Bond was the exact kind of well-built, photogenic, muscle-headed frat boy anyone familiar with reality TV dating shows would expect to see on one. The main difference being that Bond was honestly and truly a nice guy. Against all odds, Jake and Bond became rapid friends or, as Bond was fond of saying "I'm just keeping an eye on ya, Jake... someone's gotta make sure you don't get buried in all this. I ga'chu, fam."

For the first elimination a new male Dog and new female Dog arrived. Although Jake didn't really have a significant connection with Jodi he wasn't in any real rush to go looking for someone else; she was a 'comfortable variable' and they got along well enough. Unfortunately, as with any participant in a dating show involving a 'blank', she was quick to abandon ship and ended up catching the eye of Carlos, a dark skinned hunk a year older and several inches taller than Jake. Carlos was also a physical fitness instructor.

Considering the Humans outnumbered the Dogs there was no real threat to Jake getting kicked off, but he was the one left with choosing between the two female Dogs who hadn't found anyone else. Neither of them seemed particularly interested in him but he went for the one who hid her disinterest the best: a Doberman named Mystique. She was a beautician from LA and there wasn't just a lack of chemistry-- by the time their first day was over Jake was almost looking forward to being sent home during the introduction of the next two Humans. Bond, however, was true to his word, and looked out for Jake.

The next introduction of Humans into the house included a real estate agent named Yvette, and a professional male model named James; Mystique picked up on James with a lightning quick pounce and left Jake in the dust. Since Bond had matched early on he spent most of his time hanging out with Jake, reassuring the Human that he was covered, and that he'd find a solid match for him. Bond was Jake's rock; despite their differences, the Human realized there was no way he would have been able to stay sane if not for his oddly compatible new friend and, true to form, Bond convinced a Saluki named Nina to match with him over Freddy, an unemployed (but exceedingly hot) 20-something. Apparently Bond was able to talk up Jake's stability and reliability while reminding her that an unemployed boyfriend was one step away from a man-child. It worked.

Jake's third match was marginally better than his first two; at least they both had some ambition and were able to carry on an intelligent conversation. There were no real sparks, but Jake found her pleasant enough to speak to and at least he was not bored. It wasn't really a match made in heaven by any means, but he was comfortable enough asking her to be his match again during the next round of new Dogs entering the scene, and she didn't say 'no'. Unfortunately her loyalty was found lacking when the next round of Humans were brought into play during the next round.

The recording had been going on for a week at that point, and the start of the second week was when it appeared to be falling apart for Jake. He was honestly not heartbroken about the prospect of being sent home, sitting alone at 11:30 when participants only had an hour to match. He sat off to the side on the patio next to the usually very-active pool; at that hour, however, most of the couples had paried up and called it a night (or at least transitioned to the other side of the property to keep up the partying).

It wasn't until Bond appeared that Jake realized that things were essentially concluded. "Hey bud... what'cha hanging out over here for? You missed all the Bitches."

Bond had a habit of calling all the female Dogs 'Bitches' because he could-- definitely wouldn't have been okay for a Human to say. Downing the last of his drink (Jake really didn't drink, but it was practically a requirement to do in front of the camera), the Human sighed. "Think I'm done here, Bond... you keep at it and win this thing, okay? You deserve to find some happiness."

Before the Dog could respond, both turned to look at the two Human women making their way over: Becky and Donna were both established contestants who had been there for quite some time-- the newcomer female Human had matched with Ace, Donna's partner since the beginning, leaving her and Becky vying for Bond's attention; Jake admired that the Rhodie had a habit for waiting to see who would actually come for him rather than playing the field himself-- considering Bond's assets, it was something he could do easily.

Neither of the women gave him the time of day (Humans had to match with Dogs) and both regarded Bond with increased interest. They both started talking at the same time, each trying to outdo the other; even as a bystander on set, Jake could only roll his eyes at the antics. He felt embarrassed for himself, but also for them. Eventually he butted in. "Ah... Ladies? Maybe give the guy a chance to speak?"

Becky addressed him directly "Why don't you mind your own business, Jade? We already know YOU'RE going home... why not give us the courtesy of talking to Bond here."

Bond scowled. "His name's Jake."

Donna took that opportunity to swoop in for the kill, reaching out to take hold of Bond's muscular arm even as she tried a thinly veiled attempt to curry his favor by addressing Jake. "Oh, Jakey... I'm so sorry you're going home. You were always such a positive force in the house. It won't be the same without you."

Bond let out a gruff hmph in agreement before speaking. "Yeah... it sure wouldn't."

Donna shot Becky a catty look and hugged Bond's arm as she motioned to Becky and Jake. "You two make a pretty cute couple though... maybe you two can 'go out' together."

Jake didn't miss her double entrendre-- she certainly wasn't suggesting that they date, merely that they were both eliminated. Becky didn't get it though. "It doesn't work that way. We can't stay in the house if we pair up with another Human."

Bond, with unabashed disinterest, slid his arm out of Donna's grasp. "Sure can't."

The two Human women glanced at one another, then to Bond. Donna fell to the ground, her mascara started streaking immediately. "You're choosing BECKY?!"

The Rhodie rolled his eyes. "Nope."

Jake didn't know what to think when Bond bodily hefted him up, throwing the young man over his shoulder as if Jake weighed nothing more than a body pillow. He was beyond surprised. "What are you--?"

Bond chuckled as he left the two grieving women in their dust. "Producers said I gotta choose a Human, J-man. Like I said from the beginning: I ga'chu."