The Inconsolable Heart
"The darkness is a canvas for hope, creating a place where light shines in our darkest times.
It will paint a destination, but you must run towards it.
Don't give up."
Derek
1/15/19
This is a very emotional rollercoaster of a story where my character goes through personal conflicts, confronting the evil within himself.
If you struggle with sensitive issues you may not want to read this. This gets into some pretty dark stuff.
I wrote my heart into this little story, so I hope you enjoy and that it resonates with you in some way.
I know it's much different than my other stories, but this is a canvas to my heart when I write, so here are my emotions.
I hope you enjoy.
He wandered,
Wandered,
And wandered...
But never found home.
Never.
Derek narrowed his eyes against the snowstorm pushing against him, pulling his wings close as the wind threatened to tug them open and thrash him recklessly through the torrent. His eyes panged with grief, desolate tears streaming down his cheek as he trudged through the unforgiving weather. Every step took more energy than he could find, but he wouldn't give up. He had lost so much to get where he was, but the ones he really loved had rejected him for who he wanted to be. If he could reach home, through this blizzard... Then maybe he could forget it all. Maybe he could open his eyes and see the faces of his brothers and sister. Hear the voice of his father and mother who he once thought loved him.
...but he knew that could never happen. Not if he stayed this way.
He wouldn't give up though. His limbs ached and his eyes were bloodshot from the snow piercing his eyes as he moved on. His body portrayed the wretched anguish he felt deep within, shaking his body violently in cold loneliness. His memories slowly flooded back to him as he began to make out a faint outline of a house ahead, causing his breath to quicken in hope.
...But his paws stopped, unwilling to change the heart of the broken demon within.
He closed his eyes,
Distraught,
Anguished...
Madness?
But he wouldn't forgive.
Never.
The scars were too deep. A wound of flesh torn apart by the ones he thought loved him most, reckless to care about the emotions of a crippled dragon's heart like his. Derek tried to hold himself up, a convulsion of pulsing shadow building within his spasming soul. Something knocked in his head, causing him to take a deep breath, causing him to fall.
A voice followed it, slithering...
"You are all alone, how sad."
It taunted him, just like every day. This voice, this... Demon of a dragon, whispered softly to him, more frequently and strongly now than ever before. His heart was vulnerable, and like a snake, it sought to destroy him. He knew it...
He tried,
tried,
And tried...
But he could never win.
Never.
The shadows from within his heart tore and scraped like metal against metal. Like nails on a chalkboard, it pried into his mind and stabbed at every insecurity, drawing out his hope and crushing it between its slimy tendrils.
Derek yelled out in pain, completely collapsing onto the floor as his body began to not respond to him. His eyes curled over each other and a mass of smoke emitted from his mouth and nose. A dark cloud of cold black fire, streaking out his open maw, swirling into a whispering whisp in front of him.
Derek closed his eyes for a moment, thinking maybe it was all over... Maybe it was time to give up, to let the violent obsession explode from within and overtake himself... And the voice scarped again.
"You've lost everything,
everything,
everything..."
But he never did.
Never.
There was still one more thing to fight for, the one thing he'd fought so hard to earn.
F#R&E@#E((*&&D@#O!#M
The corrupted heart slowly formed into something more familiar. Something Derek began to recognize, but as he did he screamed.
The darkness before him shaped into... Him.
It turned into a dark shadowed dragon, with bloodstained eyes and scales. From his eyes spewed spiders and centipedes, and his wings seethed with purple energy. The barb on his tail was a faded, grey, broken heart. His claws were longer than swords and his teeth were made of long fangs, dripping with venom. As he spoke, he cackled, craning his neck to the side with his eyes wide and full of amusement.
He slowly walked up to the broken dragon in tears below him, stretching his neck down to glare into his eyes as he pierced his ears with his lies,
"Scafen will leave you, Derek. Your family will never love you again. Your friends will hate you because of your choices. YOU. ARE. WORTHLESS."
Derek opened his eyes to watch the spiders and insects enter the shadow dragons maw, watching as his fangs smiled back at Derek.
He never knew what horror was,
Until he looked within himself.
A monster...
That he never would release him.
Never.
No.
No, I won't.
I won't give up...
Yes, you will...
I can't...
You already have.
Derek used all his energy to face himself, pushing his legs up and staring back at the horror of a dragon he'd become.
"You're so perverted... If someone really knew you, they would never love you."
It sneered at him, expanding into a cloud of shadow that enveloped Derek's whole entire body. Soon the snowy world around him was replaced with shadow. All around him were streaks of purple lightning, burning him with every whisper from the beast.
"This is the end. You can never come back from this..."
"Scafen could never love you... He's lying..."
"You're lost. Give up."
"Give up."
"Give up!"
"GIVE UP!"
Derek always wanted a happy ending,
but life wouldn't give him one on his own,
He would have to fight for it...
And if that's what he had to do...
Then he would never give up.
Never.
The dragon swayed it's tail calmly as he stood in front of Derek, laughing maniacally as Derek stood up again. His teeth ground and his wings thrashed once, sending a flash of dark energy on his side, burning a hole into his scales.
Derek moaned in agony, clutching a paw at his side for a moment, but once he saw it wasn't bleeding he continued. He bared his teeth against his aggressor, glaring back with hope and confidence. It only laughed harder, causing the darkness around his feet to shiver and crack. He jumped to one side as the dark stone beneath him cracked into small platforms, leaving deep trenches beside him. He peered over the edge and saw the endless abyss beside him. So close... So easy to jump... No.
The creature watched Derek, tilting his head in interest as Derek slowly maneuvered his way closer to him. He spoke again, his voice more pleasant, resounding deeply in his ears with a slithering voice, "Curious, isn't it? How you fight so hard to save something you've already lost."
Derek tried to block him out, baring his teeth in agony as every word hit a heart string inside him, causing tears to flow down his cheeks. But he wouldn't give in, not yet. Not with the one person he'd always loved still alive and caring for him. He couldn't give up... Not for him.
The ground beneath him began to crack more and he had to start jumping from one platform to the next, the space between each small platform widening. He took a glance behind him and watched as a dark void rushed towards him, threatening to swallow him whole.
"This is the future you chose, Derek. You brought hell on earth to yourself, and there is no escaping it." The void rushed faster and faster, and as Derek pushed on harder and harder towards the dark dragon it seemed the dragon kept moving further away, always farther out of reach.
"LET ME GO, PLEASE! JUST LET ME BE FREE!!!"
Its voice echoed and resonated with multiple frequencies, blaring like a siren in his whole being.
"NEVER."
The sudden gush of wind knocked him off his feet, causing his foot to slip off the narrow platform, and with a gasp of air, he plummeted between the cracks of his mind into a never-ending fall of madness. The void quickly caught up with him, and as he took in a deep breath he felt the abyss swallow him whole, pulling himself inside the water and covering him completely in a liquid prison of nothingness
Derek called out for Scafen.
He called out for his family.
He desperately called out for anyone to help him...
But no one came.
No one could save him but himself.
"Is this really it?" He thought, floating and falling deeper in his mind. "Have I really failed everyone? I tried so hard..." He wanted to cry, but at this point, all emotions had lost him. The only emotion he felt was anger and revenge. Some deep spike of vengeance tore through his body for a moment, thrashing him recklessly as shadowed creatures began to close in on him. A ruckus of insects and knives and needles and shattered hearts all yelling at him for the things he'd done to ruin their lives, reminding him what a worthless and horrible creature he was.
"You belong here, in this darkness where you can do anything to anyone. You are the next dragon who will bring misery upon others, and you may start with the ones who hurt you. Doesn't that sound fun?"
He could feel his own laughter turning demented as he cackled back at him. Then the dragon's voice became his own, and he could feel pleasure coursing through him, a wicked terror of fun thinking of seeking revenge with no one to stop him. "You can bring sorrow to those who deserve it, Derek... You decide. You can do that..." He then withdrew himself from Derek once again, letting Derek become himself fully again as he watched the dragon float in front of him. "Or you can live your pointless life, knowing you'll never be happy again."
Derek could feel the coldness. He could feel the needles so close, the edge so near. A place of horror and a place of nightmares. Everything seemed hopeless, and part of him thought nothing would ever be the same again. He could never be happy and be loved. That maybe Scafen... God, maybe something would
happen and they wouldn't work out?...
But he wouldn't give up.
NEVER.
He had a chance to fix things, fix the wrongs and still live the life he'd always wanted. He could dig his own grave, or save his life and spend it with the one he loved. He could abandon his hope and leave others with none, or spread hope and love where needed and show others the love he always needed. He could wreak havoc and destroy everything he'd built up and watch it burn in flames, ending it all after his madness...
But
In
The
Darkness
...
There
Is
Always
A
Light
Derek saw a faint light on the horizon and crawled towards it through the dark. It was dim, and yet though it was faint he knew he could reach it. If he gave it his all and fought with all his might... Maybe he could have hope again. Maybe he could have a family who loved him and a mate he'd always wanted.
But what paved the path to the light was shattered glass.
There was no way around it, only through it. His wings wouldn't work and his legs were too weak to carry him. All he could do was crawl.
But he saw everything he ever wanted in that light. A family, a love, and a future. A warmth he'd always imagined and dreamed of.
So despite the claws of death rattling along his bones...
Despite the fear that he would never reach it...
Despite the loneliness, he loomed in every moment without all this...
He would fight and give his all.
The dragon of darkness saw this, but instead of trying to fight this he only watched Derek. He did glare, smiling evilly as Derek crawled among the pieces of glass, scraping and cutting into his belly and legs, leaving scars that would never heal.
It slithered one last time, cutting a dagger deep in his side, "Your life will never be the same no matter what, Derek. Your family will never see you the same way, and you aren't guaranteed a life with Scafen. You know this. So why try?"
Derek paused, the door still so far away with so many cute and bruises already. He looked forward and realized he couldn't see farther than a dragons length ahead of him, that small length visible covered in glass. The rest of the path was unseen, which scared him because he had no idea what he'd face or if it was even possible to reach that sunlight at the end. But he knew what he needed to say.
He turned his head back to the demon, determined and unsure, "If there's any way I could ever have a chance of living in that heaven, living with a loved one and repairing the damage I've done... Then I'm going to give my damn hardest to fix it."
"Your heart..." The demon mentioned, turning his back to me and pausing for a moment to finish. "Your heart is inconsolable, Derek. No one will be able to heal the pain. I'm sorry, but you can never be truly happy like this." He then pushed into the shadows, a like a drop of water into a lake he disappeared into the abyss.
Derek then looked ahead towards the light and pushed on. With a last murmur, he responded, crawling forward with every cut a bruise,
"If there is hope,
a gleam of light,
a spark of love...
Then I will push on to the impossible.
And fight to live another day...
And I will never...
Never.
Give up."