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The Gingerbread Fox

Once upon a time in a place far from here there lived a young lady on a small farm. She lived there all by herself and her animals were the only social life she had. And all her animals were female for she had a great dislike for males of all species and would not treat them kindly.

But one day as she found herself bored and lonely and finding herself in an ever greater need for conversation she decided to change her discourse and started making a boy made out of gingerbread. Never before had she made a live gingerbread man, but being a sorceress she knew how to make one.

And so the young lady began to work on the dough, joining up the ingredients and kneading it smooth, allowing it to rise and finally shaping it as a little man before shoving her creation into the oven. Then she had to wait.

Sure enough after about an hour, when the whole house carried the aroma of baked bread, a knock was heard on the oven door. When the lady came to take a look and opened the oven door the little man sprang out and ran out the door.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

And off he was leaving his maker behind with an extremely irritated look on her face.

"I should have known!"

First the gingerbread man passed the farm dog, half asleep right outside the kitchen door.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

And indeed the plump dog did not catch the gingerbread man. Then he ran out to the cow barn where two cows watched him as they chewed their cud.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

And indeed both cows kept on chewing and did not catch the gingerbread man. Then he ran around the stable which held two large draft mares snacking on ripe apples and being a little buzzed from the alcohol in their fruit.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

And indeed the draft mares did not catch the gingerbread man. Next the gingerbread man passed a small paddock where a couple of sheep, both ewes, were in dire need of shaving.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

And indeed neither sheep could catch the gingerbread man as they were too hot because of their coat and too lazy to bother. And at the next turn, near the edge of the farm, was the goat pen where two does were smashing their heads.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

And indeed neither did the goats catch the gingerbread man for bashing their heads was way too fun.

When the gingerbread man looked behind him he was slightly disappointed as unlike some other gingerbread man he did not form a crowd up behind him. Only the lady who baked him chased but she was not fast enough to catch up.

Once the gingerbread man was clear of the farm he crossed the pasture and rushed toward the bushes beyond the farm's territory. There he discovered a fox asleep in the shade. Triumphant he ran right passed the fox screaming his catch phrase.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

The fox perked his ears and looked up, obviously very irritated the rascal woke him up.

"Well, what the devil do you want? You want me to catch you? I don't think so, buddy! Why don't you leave me alone and let me sleep!"

But the gingerbread man just kept on chanting.

"Run, run! Run as fast you can!

You'll never catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!"

But then as he turned his look found his path was blocked by a stream too big for him to jump over. Slamming his brakes the gingerbread man just in time stopped before slipping into the water, for he could not swim and water would disintegrate his body in no time. Desperately the gingerbread man looked for a bridge or a way out but there was none to be found. At that moment the fox, unable to return back to sleep and in need to move as the lady was approaching.

"Hey, do you want me to give you a lift? Jump on my tail and I'll fare you across."

Cheering at his luck the gingerbread man jumped right onto the fox' tail, who then promptly jumped into the water and began to traverse the stream. A grin appeared on the fox' face, which the gingerbread man could not see of course. Too bad the man's maker did not tell him what happened to his ancestor.

"Gingerbread man, the river is getting deep! Crawl onto my back, for my tail will sink below the water."

And for sure as soon as the gingerbread man had crawled onto the fox' back the tail sank underneath the surface.

"Gingerbread man, the river is getting deeper still! Crawl onto my shoulders for my back is about to sink below the water."

Rushing to get away from the water the gingerbread man crawled onto the fox' shoulders and sure enough right as he settled the back disappeared underneath the surface.

"Gingerbread man, the river is getting even more deep. Crawl onto my neck!"

And sure the gingerbread man did as told to escape the water.

"We're almost there. This is the deepest part! Get onto my nose!"

And for sure the gingerbread man crawled onto the fox' nose right as they both reached the far side of the stream. But of course the fox did not carry the gingerbread man for free and claimed his fee just as his first paw touched the shore.

------SNAP------

"Hey! My legs are bone! How am I suppose to run now?"

------SNAP------

"Hey! Now my tummy is gone too!"

------SNAP------

"Hey! And now my arms are gone!"

The gingerbread man's head rolled desperately across the grass.

------SNAP------

And now the gingerbread man spoke no more!

All the while the young lady had watched the fox gobbling up her masterpiece. It was all gone and she could only watch from her side of the river how the fox pouted her as he cleaned out the remains of the gingerbread man from along his gums and teeth. So delicious!

"What a silly girl, loosing such a delicious little treat so easy! But I guess she can cook!"

The look on the fox told the lady everything he had on his mind. How humiliating! And being humiliated by a male made the feeling even worse. But an idea popped in her head just as the fox was about to make a run for it. She spoke out loud:

"Oh! What a shame! I really wanted that little man. Oh well, I guess I'll have to make another one tomorrow. I wonder what went wrong though..."

Sure enough the next day the lady was baking again. But this time she had one critter more on her farm: the fox was outside hiding right outside the kitchen door. The dog was right beside him asleep and too lazy to make any noise. So were all the other animals, proving to be either too lazy or too stupid to notice him. And inside the lady was too busy kneading and baking she did not care to take a look outside.

Soon the smell of baking bread hit the fox' nose. His mouth watered as he waited for the inevitable treats. And soon enough he heard the lady whimper as the oven door cracked.

"Oh no! They're escaping!"

The first one ran out right alongside the fox. Strangely though this gingerbread man did not utter the catch phrase but emitted a high pitched shriek.

"Iep! Ieeep! Ieeeeeeeep!"

Also the gingerbread man was only half the size of the one the fox ate the day before. But he had no problem with that as he could now subdue the little running biscuit with a single bite. And there were more of them coming right at him nearly jumping into his maw.

They kept on coming, steadily and one at the time. And so delicious they were the fox could not resist eating them and just kept on snapping them up. Slowly his belly filled end bloated until he began to feel the strain.

Still the gingerbread men kept coming and fox did what he could to get them. But the stuffed belly began to hinder him more and more and he found his movement became a bit slow. Realising he was getting himself in trouble the fox tried to get away as fast as he could but found his muscles tiring at every move he made. A couple of steps were all he managed before collapsing and seeing his world turn dark.

Very slowly the fox would lift his eyelids. A haze cleared in his mind as he regained consciousness. When his surroundings began to register again he found that he was put in a dog basket inside a kitchen. Then the fox remembered what had happened before he lost conscious and what he had done. It dawned to him that the lady tricked him. To her motives he could only guess. But how silly it was of him to fall for it so easily.

"Well, well, well! Awake, aren't we? I hope you are for there is a lot to be done."

Fear struck the fox as the lady passed him and grinned while she began to pick out her baking tools. What was she up to? Nothing good could come from this. The fox tried to get up and run, but found that his body was as heavy as lead.

"Oh no. You're not allowed to escape this time. Did you really think I just made these gingerbread men to offer you a free meal? I did not and neither did I make the first one just for you. Still you ate them all!"

The young lady picked the fox up and looked him in the eye. The fox found he was but a ragdoll this time and could not resist her grip. Nor could he talk.

"Do you know what I am? I am a witch! Otherwise I could not have created walking talking gingerbread men. And you should know witches never offer anything for free nor do they tolerated having thieves crossing their plans. You will have to pay for your meal, fox! And be sure it will cost you dearly!"

Unable to resist the fox found himself at her mercy and did not dare to imagine what she could do to him. He was placed on the large kitchen counter, then felt her soft hands dig into his fur. And strangely the feeling was not at all unpleasant.

Slowly she began to knead his back and muscles. A firm grip took hold of his neck and travelled across the body. And indeed this was rather comfortable, an expert massage nearly rubbing him to sleep. It loosened up all his muscles and relaxed them so she could spray out his limbs.

"You like this, don't you? But there's a lot more to be done still."

Close to the fox on the kitchen wall there was a set of dough rollers hung in the order of size. First the smallest roller was picked out. He felt it placed at the centre of his back before the young witch began to move it across his body. It did not feel unpleasant, not even when it travelled across his head and snout. His body contorted at the whim of the roller until every part of his body was covered.

When the smallest roller had done its job the young lady replaced it with the second smallest and started over. Again this was not painful at all and he felt his muscles relax and smoothen as he was rolled. The feeling was getting a little odd though as the lady was going at him a lot rougher and for sure he should be feeling that.

Next the medium sized roller was used. And this time the fox was really getting worried as he felt no pain still even as it should have hurt. It seemed like his bones were made of jelly as they would not crack under the weight of the lady and her roller. His limbs just sort of spread across the counter and so was his torso although that was hard for him to notice.

Then a large roller was used and spread out his body further, flattening it as it travelled across the back and limbs. And when it reached his snout and face his gaze was locked to the ceiling as his head was flattened. Still he was alive and aware of what was being done.

Finally the huge dough roller was used and it squeezed his body thin, until it was as flat as a pancake. But all his mass was now spread out broadly and wide making him look like a cardboard fox. Still he was alive, kept alive by the lady's sorcery.

Carefully she picked the fox off the kitchen counter then placed him on a buttered oven plate. And then the oven door was opened. But before she would insert the fox she sprayed his fur with a soft crumb.

"It's time to pay, fox. And after all, you did like my gingerbread. I think this is a suiting penance."

Without any sign of pity the young lady shoved the fox into the oven and closed the door. There was nothing the fox could do to prevent it as his body was no longer his. All he was allowed to do now was undergo his fate.

The heat was intense. His body began to cook nearly as soon as the doors were shut. Yet for some reason he would not die, nor did he experience pain from the cooking. But pleasant it was no longer as nothing good could come from this predicament.

For a long time the fox was left inside the oven. The whole house began to fill with the aroma of baked bread. And all the while the young witch sat next to the oven waiting for the hour to go by and her fox to be ready. And when her hourglass emptied, time was up.

Slowly the oven plate was retrieved. On top of it lay the fox, now cooked, browned and consisting purely out of gingerbread. A gingerbread fox! But the witch had made sure that even now the fox was aware of all that happened, alive somehow even though made out of baked dough. She put the oven plate down for it to cool for a bit. And then she ran out to the kitchen door and whistled out loud. Her animals all came and gathered around the entry.

"Oh look at you! I suppose you did not expect this kind of end to you. But as you may know, everyone likes gingerbread!"

The gingerbread fox was put on a plate and brought outside to the outdoor table. First she broke off the tail and offered it to her farm dog, who greedily devoured it. Then both hind legs were taken off and donated to the two cows. Next the lower back and buttocks were broken off and divided among the two draft mares. The front limbs became food for the sheep and the upper torso and neck came to feed the goats. Finally all that was left was the fox' head which somehow still registered what was happening to him. But inevitably it too was devoured as it was dropped into the young lady's mouth, crushed and swallowed. No more was left of the gingerbread fox than a vanishing taste made of gingerbread.

The End