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Being a writer is my dream job but it has full-time hours and doesn't pay the bills. I want to keep writing these stories for everyone to enjoy and your support on Patreon or Ko-Fi helps make that happen. Patrons even get to see stories a week early to avoid all that pesky waiting. I also appreciate non-financial support like faving, voting, and following me here or on Twitter. Thank you so much for your continued support! Please enjoy the episode.

And with that out of the way...

Welcome back, my lovely reader!

That was quite the heavy episode last week, wasn't it? Well, I'm sorry to say you're not out of the woods yet! This episode is also rife with drama, but some more questions will be answered and more added.

There will be better days ahead, I've not turned my back on the fun sexy times, but just bear with me a little longer as I continue to spin this tale, I do hope you will enjoy it and the work I've put into this little world.

Alright, that's enough babbling, I know you've got lots of questions and concerns, so let's jump right in!

--*--

Episode 13:

Fuck the gods, I'll do it myself

"My Lady, you are lost in thoughts of him again, aren't you?" Val spoke gently towards me as he approached.

I lifted an ear, then looked down at the streets below while we stood upon the roof of one of the larger buildings within London. "Is it that obvious, brother?"

"It has been over a year, have you received no letters?" I felt the incubus move to me, gently resting a hand on my arm in a bid of comfort, none of his natural sexual pull being brought forth with it.

"I've not, and nary a reply from any of those I've sent," I sighed and turned to look upon my brother, the goat taller than me by well over a head length.

He released my arm and hesitated before speaking out, "Perhaps you should seek to speak with Toroah, are you two not technically seeing one another?"

"He has been growing more distant as our families continue to clash, I think he means to protect me." I pulled from his gaze, putting my hands on my hips, looking out over the cold wet streets of the city, a frown showing. "Yet... something in my soul tells me, that I do not wish to know the truth of matters."

"Fear stills your hand, my Lady?" Val looked surprised as I cut my eyes at him, then gave a nod to his response.

"Even old ones such as I, can feel fear, brother. I will however, charge you with a task." I turned to look the tall lithe goat straight on as he offered a bow at my words.

I showed my teeth as I snarled out the orders, "Dispatch a courier to Toroah, I wish to meet him one month hence, in Seville, where we first met."

"By your command my Lady." Val offered another bow and leaped from the rooftop.

I pushed my hand to my chest, feeling my normally still heart pound. I'd not seen Ryder or that obnoxious wolf in over a year. There had been no contact with the celestials outside of Elias and Sarnai working with Rachel to dispatch one that had gone mad nearly a month past. I hadn't been to the west to catch up but Val had told me about it during this trip.

My brother was no longer my escort these days, I had none. I simply requested his company for a season out of my sheer loneliness. Yes, there was no shame in saying it like that. I'd not seen my angel fox or rabbit in over a year, and council business had kept me busy. Still, his companionship was something I sorely missed now that he had his own house to maintain.

Still, he had his duties and within a week's time, I would be on my own once more. A cold bitter wind kicked up a gale, tossing my heavy braid of hair about behind me as I listened to it whistle and howl in my ears. His scent, the taste of his blood, the love in his eyes, and his gentle voice, it all clawed at my heart as I pushed a hand to my chest. "My angel fox, what has become of you?"

--*--

True Names:

As one grows older and more powerful, their name itself begins to carry more weight. This can lead to many ramifications for them and others that may be aware of their name.

Uttering a powerful being's true name aloud creates a supernatural tether with them so to speak. The said being does not have to come to you, but they will be capable of such and can easily find you for a time. Other powerful beings will feel the sudden shift of power as well, so saying a true name can also bring others' attention to the speaker.

Summoning a creature usually involves their true name as well, though a summoning spell is more forceful, drawing the being straight to you. One must use extreme caution when doing something such as this, as summoning a being in this manner is considered very offensive.

--*--

One month later I found myself alone as I walked into the unassuming coffee house right as the sun dipped over the horizon. I saw the regal-looking rabbit sitting there, he seemed nervous but excited to see me.

"Lorelai! It's so good to see you again!" He stood and even pulled the chair at the table to offer me a seat. I smiled at him, feeling my heart ease at his happy face, surely nothing could be awry with Ryder if he were able to show me that stupid grin of his.

Toroah gave me an eager smile and pushed a teacup forward, looking down I could clearly see the liquid within was crimson, not tea. He gave me a knowing wink and I offered him a grin as I collected the drink.

I hadn't had divine blood in over a year now, and I'll admit it hit the spot. I tried to savor it, but I found I simply turned the whole cup up, rushing to get the ambrosia into me. My hands shook a little, making the saucer rattle as I shuddered, licking my lips and trying to calm my pounding heart.

"Shall I pour you another, or shall we slip into the alley and I offer it to you straight from the tap?" The rabbit showed me a loving grin, tilting his head to show a little more of his throat.

I felt myself swallow hard, I could practically hear his pulse in my ears and I'd happily endure the burns for more, but I shook my head to calm myself. "Perhaps later, thank you, truly. That was splendid and thoughtful of you, my... angel-rabbit."

He beamed at the small pet name and leaned forward, staring into my now red eyes. "I was fearful you were cross with me, it's been so long."

"Admittedly, we usually saw one another with Ryder in tow, my sweet." I showed him my own smile, my finger brushing along his hand, the burn felt but I wanted to offer him a small token as he hooked a finger with mine to heal the burn as I spoke.

His look grew distant and I saw him quirk an ear curiously, a frown showing as his head tilted. "Beg your pardon, Lorelai?"

I blinked a few times at his reaction, then cleared my throat. "Did I stutter, Tor? Ryder, we usually would spend time together when he was with us."

The archangel gave me a curious look and cocked a brow as if completely flabbergasted by my words. "Lorelai, are you well?"

"What do you mean, am I well? Do I sound unwell to you, Tor?" I showed my sharp teeth, glaring at him now, feeling my heart start to pound in my ears for some reason, something was unsettling in my stomach and it wasn't the blood.

The rabbit pursed his lips, as if choosing his words, then shook his head as he met my eyes. "Lorelai, I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know anyone named, Ryder."

My mouth hung open at the words, I knew how to read someone and they were truthful sounding. My eyes narrowed and I grabbed his robe, hauling him forward as I stood and snarled in his face, "Do not play a fool with me, Toroah! Ryder, your... our lover!"

He gave a shocked grunt as I hauled him forward, the small teacup clattering to the floor, his eyes wide with shock at my bloody teeth snarling upon him. "Lorelai! I seriously have no idea what you're talking about! The only lover I have is you!"

"Are you mad?! You and I, we shared a bed together with him, we-"

Toroah blushed and then grunted as he focused hard on my eyes. "Lore! We've never even kissed, this is the most you have ever touched me!"

I shuddered at his words and pushed him back into his seat. My knees felt weak as I collapsed down into my own chair as well, my fist hitting the table as I snarled. "Are you trying to make a fool of me, Toroah?"

He swallowed hard and shook his head. "Lorelai... we've been seeing one another off and on like this for a while, but we've never done more than hold hands, I never tried to kiss you because-"

"Shut up!" I screamed out as the whole cafe grew silent. I snarled and sent my will across the whole area. "Mind your own!" Everyone snapped back to what they were doing, refusing to look upon me.

I sat there snarling for several moments before looking up at the rabbit with a hiss, "What of Charlotte, what will she tell me if I ask her?"

"Charlotte? I know you knew her, Lorelai, but I wasn't clear on what relationship the two of you had." Toroah frowned, his eyes looking distant.

My eyes widened as I stammered out, "Knew? Had? Toroah, why do you speak of a fellow Archangel in past tense?!"

"Charlotte was a High Bishop, not an Archangel, Lorelai. Also, have you not spoken with Elias and Sarnai? They..." He looked away with a sigh, "Rachel asked them for help about a month past when Charlotte fell, Sarnai killed her."

My eyes widened at the words and I shook my head, that was all I could do was shake my head. How was this possible? Charlotte was a pain in my tail but in the last years, we had formed a kind of rival friendship. I felt my eyes burning both from frustration and fear at the thought of what was going on.

Toroah reached a hand to me. "Lorelai... are you sure you're okay? I'm here if you-"

"Ichiro..." I hissed the name.

He frowned and tilted his head curiously. I gave him a pained glare and shook my head. "You gate back to the citadel, and you tell that dog to get out here in the next five minutes, or I'll go on a rampage and burn every church in Europe down!"

"Lorelai, I don't-"

"Now!" I snarled the words, slamming my hands to the table, my teeth showing and every speck of my will coming with the words. Even an archangel shuddered at my full unfiltered powers and gave a nod, simply fading from sight.

I gave another hiss, grabbing the teapot and throwing it against the wall in a shattering of glass. No one in the cafe looked upon me, they couldn't, I was suppressing the whole area's will at this point to keep their eyes down and not watching.

A few minutes later, Ichiro appeared, the Archangel gave me a sad frown before bracing on his staff as he took a seat on the chair Toroah had been in. "Lorelai... it's been a while."

I met his eyes with a hard glare, then took a deep breath even though I didn't need it. "Do you know why I've summoned you?"

"I've an inclination, yes." The eldest of the angels gave me a sad nod.

"Ryder," I spat the name out and I watched him wince as he cast his eyes downward.

"Explain, now!" I hissed the words my eyes now blood-red.

Ichiro frowned and shook his head. "Lorelai... I am sworn to my word to not-"

"I care not one whit! If you don't tell me, you are dead where you stand as it is, old, friend." I snapped the last of the words, already resting a hand on my shortsword at my hip.

The aged st bernard lifted his ears and I could see the sigils on his dark skin glow slightly as he blinked a few times, I could tell he was having a conversation in his mind and I settled down, waiting on him to finish it. The runes dimmed on his head then he gave a sigh, "The Seraph has allowed me to impart the knowledge to you."

"Then out with it! Where, is, my, fox!" I snarled the words as I shoved my finger into his chest with each pause, feeling it burn with each jab but I cared little at this point.

Ichiro took a deep breath before meeting my eyes directly. He knew I'd accept nothing short of a straight answer and he gave it. "He was imprisoned by a greater demon, no doubt captive deep in the bowels of the underworld."

I put a hand to my mouth, my eyes shuddering in their sockets before I snapped them closed, feeling them burn at the knowledge. My voice came out in a raspy whisper with the next word, "When?"

"A year past, shortly after his visit with you. We were set to deploy, but he insisted upon seeing you before we left, in Ceuta I believe." Ichiro spoke the words solemnly as I nodded.

"And... why have you not attempted to save him? Why is Charlotte dead and Toroah ignorant of his existence?"

"It is quite literally impossible for us to simply travel into the nine hells, Lorelai. If it were, I'd lead the charge myself to get him back!" Ichiro snarled the words and the look in his eyes was one of anger, something I'd rarely seen on him.

"What of the other questions?" I folded my hands upon the table, setting him with an all-business look.

"Charlotte was mad with fury and anguish, she cast her rank away, swore a curse upon the gods, and fell. She then struck some sort of deal with the magi and demons. Toroah, Ezekiel and... Rachel... gods, Rachel... she- I ... still remember her mad sorrowful cries as she begged the Seraph..."

Ichiro shuddered and composed himself, wiping his own eyes before setting me with a sorrowful look. "The Seraph shielded their memories, all of the celestial's memories but mine. I must bear the burden of the truth. The failure to protect the Paladin lies with me."

I snarled and gave a nod, trying to calm myself to think rationally. "What of this gambit Charlotte made?"

"We only recently received word from the circle of Shadows, apparently she hatched some sort of scheme to retrieve his sword and the soul of our former Paladin, to what ends I am not sure, and I suppose now we will never know."

"Can you not commune with her soul? Is that not what my sister wishes you to do and has for some time now?" I gave the elderly angel a glare as I brought Sarnai up.

"Sarnai's matter and Charlotte are entirely different, Lorelai. However..." He grimaced and I saw him look away, clearly seeing more tears on his cheeks. "Charlotte's soul is lost to us... it is no longer ours to call forth."

I grit my teeth, eyes widening at the statement. Ryder had told me she said she would give her very soul for him, but I never imagined it would be true. "Gods... she-"

"Yes..." Ichiro rose from the table and gave me a frown. "I've told you everything within my power, all I can say is to seek out the magi circle, they may have more answers."

"I am grateful for this knowledge. One other thing though, why does Toroah not remember... our time together? He and I were together, intimately with Ryder, yet..." I clenched my fist as I frowned, unable to finish the words.

"The Seraph clouded anything to do with Ryder, he no doubt only remembers your personal interactions when Ryder was not involved." Ichiro gave me an apologetic nod.

"Tell Toroah I will call upon him again when I can. Give him my love." I turned and left the angel, pushing out into the cold wet streets and just walking.

I walked through the city and into the outskirts, I walked for over two hours before I was alone in the fields. Falling to my knees I clenched my stomach, feeling like I'd vomit from the twisting pain, my very heart feeling torn from my chest both at the thought of my lover and the fallen angel.

With a wailing cry, I screamed out into the night, tears rolling down my face as I slammed my fists into the ground, again and again. Rage and helplessness crushed my soul as I sobbed. He was always there, always holding me when I needed to cry. No matter how furious I was, he always held me, always had a kind word for me.

I rocked back, sat, and folded my knees to my chest, just sitting there crying to myself for I couldn't say how long. After a time, and with a few hiccuping sobs, I managed to compose myself. I shook my head, wiped my eyes, and moved to my feet.

My sharp canines gleamed in the moonlight as I glared upon the sky, I had prayed during my sobbing, begged the gods to save him, to return him to me, but I knew they wouldn't answer. I rested a hand on the hilt of one of my swords, throwing my other to the sky as I roared out my deceleration, "To hell with the lot of you! You won't help him? You won't help your greatest beacon? Then fuck you!"

I clenched my fist, feeling more tears roll down my cheeks before I turned and stalked away back towards the city. With a final glare to the heavens above, I snarled out, "Fuck the gods, I'll do it myself."

--*--

Bloodstone Empress:

Within the vampire courts, the head of the council is generally referred to as just that, the head of the council. However, in diplomacy, it's generally accepted that the head is known as the Emperor or Empress. The title is interchangeable but means the same regardless.

Ra's was the acting Emporor of the Bloodstone courts until his fall in the 16th century of the mundane calendar. His successor, Lorelai was one of only two potential candidates with the other being Diana.

Lorelai has acted as Empress to the Bloodstone court to present day, though she largely dislikes the title and rarely insists upon it.

--*--

"Empress Bloodstone, allow me to offer my condolences, I know Charlotte was a friend." Kazemde folded his gloved hands on the desk, giving me a bow of his head while he sat there.

"Lorelai is fine, Kazemde, let's curb the formalities." I moved to sit in the chair with a frown, then offered a nod of my head in acknowledgment of his words. "She was more a rival with friend qualities. Though, now that all is said and done, I'm surprised just how much her death affected me. Next to Ryder, she was a constant in my life, annoying, but a constant, and an alright sort near the end."

Kazemde reached into his desk and produced a small pearl earring, setting it upon the desk before me. "This is for you."

"An earring?" A cocked a brow as I looked upon it, not reaching for it yet.

Kazemde frowned. "It was Charlotte's, apparently Ryder gave it to her long ago. She said... well, it's best you hear it from her."

"From her? Wait- Isn't she dead?" I blinked slowly at the words.

"It's enchanted, take it and focus your will upon it." He pushed the jewelry closer and I snarled as I picked it up, focusing intently upon it. My ears lifted as her voice entered straight into my mind.

'Lorelai, you're a smart ewe, I know you're going to pick up my trail and so I've left you this. Clear your ears out you dumb lamb and listen up, this won't repeat.' My mouth gapped and I felt my eyes burn to hear her voice again, but I clenched the earring tight in my fist, focusing as to not miss the words to come.

'You no doubt know Ryder's fate by now. Celestials cannot enter the underworld by any known means, only the fallen of us can do such a thing. Alicia's soul will be returned, so I can salvage some sort of hope from this. The magi will do what they can, and you have the only ace I could provide you. I can't elaborate further, but when the time comes you will know.'

I could hear the resignation in her soul through her words as I snarled, feeling tears already coming forth.'You were a pain in the ass, but I never begrudged you and Ry, even kind of thought of you as a sort of buddy, you know? Get him back, and love him twice as much, for me.'

My fist shook with the earring in it as the words ended in my mind. I wiped my face with my free hand, composing myself before looking over upon the Archmage. "I apologize for you seeing me in such an unbecoming way."

"Please, Lorelai... I was the same when my father passed. You are valid in those feelings and there is no judgment here." The cobra stood and rested a firm grip on my shoulder with his gloved hand, giving me a reassuring nod before setting back into his seat.

"Explain this, Alicia she spoke of to me," I sighed as I pulled one of the studs out of my left ear, feeding the pearl earring into it. It dangled from my drooped ear in a way I didn't prefer, but I would grow used to it. Kazemde flinched as I simply shoved the stud into a new spot on my ear.

"Alicia is the soul of the former Paladin from nearly one thousand years past. It seems that Ryder found her soul while in the underworld. The short of it is; Charlotte sought to save her and in the process, planted the seeds of our future gambit to retrieve him."

"Planted the seeds? I don't appreciate convoluted descriptors, shoot straight with me, mage." I shifted my hands to my lap, giving him a haughty glare.

"She established a connection with him, we can communicate with him telepathically."

"Then let me speak with him, now!" I snarled out, my eyes growing wide as I stood from the chair and slammed my hands to his desk, teeth bared.

"I've already sent for the instructor that has the gem upon word of your arrival, please relax, it will be shortly." Kazemde folded his hands again, looking not the slightest bit put off from my anger.

I slumped back and sighed, "Apologies... I am just-"

"You are valid, let me explain what I can while we wait." Kazemde then proceeded to give me the general rundown of what had transpired and what they intended to do.

Some handful of minutes later a young-looking persian cat trotted right in holding a gem that looked not unlike a ruby the size of an egg. "Very good, now remember, I expect full memorization of those formula come tomorrow. Do not forget to visualize the results!" She giggled a purr and gave a nod as she kept walking towards us, "Yes, Ryder my dear, I know visualizing is all you can do these days... Yes, good to hear from you too, yes, take care."

Kazemde smiled at the cat and she gave a nod. "He's a quick study, he'll be a marvelous wizard soon enough." She looked to me and offered the large gemstone.

Biting my lip I held both hands out and felt the stone push into my grasp, my hands shaking as I hesitantly called out, "Ryder?"

'... Lore?! Lorelai is that you?!'

I felt more tears come to my eyes, I was really crying more than I'd like these days, I couldn't help but sob out his name, "Ryder! Oh... I'm so happy to hear your voice!"

"Thank you, instructor. Let us excuse ourselves." Kazemde stood and he and the persian left the room, leaving me alone.

'Lorelai... gods... Lorelai, hearing your voice, you have no idea how happy I am!'

'I feel the same, I'm crying right now you stupid dog, I... Charlotte, Toroah, everything is wrong right now.'

'Is he okay?'

'He doesn't remember anything about you, and that includes anything the three of us did. All he remembers is his times alone with me, not even kissing.'

There was a long heavy pause before I heard him in my mind, his very thoughts sounding tired, '... for now, that may be best, especially after what happened to Charlotte...'

'Ryder, Charlotte left me a message, her words embedded in one of the earrings you gave her. She told me to tell you she loved you, and to love you twice as much for her when I get you out of this mess.'

'Gods... that's so like her...'

'Ryder... Elias and Sarnai, they helped Rachel fell her.'

'What?! How- Why... Why would Rachel do that, why would they?!'

I grit my teeth as I explained the details, explained how Rachel only knew her as a fallen Bishop now. 'I wanted you to know now... I do not want you resenting your lover or my siblings, Ryder... none of them were aware.'

'The fucking Seraph, they were played in this twisted little game... when I am free-'

'Ryder! I have no love for the majority of the celestial's, you know this, but you are starting to speak like a madman. You know as well as I do they did what they could. Sometimes there are no ideal choices and we must make the ones that hurt the least!' I snarled as I thought the words in my mind, letting him clearly hear the anger in them.

'You... are right, Lore. Forgive me, I must keep my faith in the gods and-'

'Sod the gods, I'll get you out myself, my angel fox. I don't know how, but I will!'

'Thank you, Lorelai... if anyone can do it, you can. I'll put my faith in you as well!'

I settled into the chair and tried to calm my mind, "Tell me about Alicia..." I sighed the words aloud to him, but he could hear them even as if I'd thought them.

'Oh, she's a wonderful girl, friendly, always cheerful, even a little flirty. Heh, she even was fooling around with some of the incubi and succubi down here! Even after all this time, she never stopped caring about her loved ones too, she's a heck of a girl!'

I grinned as I listened to him regale me of his little mental cellmate he had been with for the last year, then told me of his new instructors and the magick's he was learning. We 'talked' for nearly three hours, Kazemde very patient, never prodding us to hurry up.

"My love, we should wrap this up for now, the sun will rise soon and this room has rather large uncovered windows in it," I sighed as I cradled the gem to my chest.

'When can I talk to you again?'

'I'll request lodging for the day, I still have much to discuss with Kazemde. I promise we'll talk again tomorrow, and I will try to come to call here at the college at least once a season to speak with you, more if I can.'

'Thank you, Lorelai... I love you, I love you so much...'

'I love you too, keep your faith and sanity, I will find a way, no matter how long it takes.'

--*--

The following evening I spoke with Ryder for a few hours as soon as the sun had set, then I left him to his classes and met with Kazemde once more.

"I am eternally grateful for this and know I will consider this a debt I owe you, even if it is part of another agreement. If you have need of me or my court, you reach out to me, no hesitation."

"Thank you, Lorelai, I will keep that in mind." I saw the cobra's dark eyes sparkle, no doubt eager to have the empress of the vampire courts owing him one.

"So, what do we do from here?" I frowned as I folded my arms. "I am keen to get this sorted, but it's not as if I can simply tear the gates of hell open and strode in."

"Alas, all we can do is research into things. I've already put some of our best demonologist on the task. Even if you could theoretically tear through the gates, you'd only get through one of nine, each layer has its own 'locks' so to speak, on the doors."

"Can we not simply open a gate straight in, like how this Kalinae did to get to us?"

"Kalinae is a truly ancient and powerful daemon. She no doubt spent decades if not centuries preparing that gate. It is no small task to simply tear open a portal to the mundane realm."

I rubbed my chin at that and nodded. "Ryder mentioned at one point when he wounded her, she said her time had been cut short."

"Yes, most demons manifest themselves here temporarily, and the short of it is, the act of being here starts to drain their vitality. Suffering injuries would indeed speed the clock up, as it were."

"He talked about how this was all some long-spanning convoluted plan of hers to get a Paladin down there. Does she hope to break him? Turn him into some kind of fallen champion of hell or something?" I quirked a brow at the Archmage.

"We do know this, becoming a Paladin is not like other ranks in the celestial military."

I tilted my head at that. "Oh? What makes it so different?"

"It's a one-way trip. Archangels and any rank below may willingly give up their position or be demoted. Charlotte, no doubt denounced her Archangel status before cursing the gods and falling. She didn't want to fall with the full power of an archangel, imagine the havoc she could have wrought?"

"Even in her anguish and madness, she was considering the greater good. I should have given her more credit," I sighed and frowned, feeling keenly I had lost an opportunity at a strong friend. Had I reached out to her, perhaps she would have come to me first, perhaps we could have sorted this without her sacrifice.

Kazemde gave me a nod as if he understood my conflicting thoughts. "The fact of the matter is, Paladin's can't renounce their position, that's why the prior one kept her position the whole time she was in the underworld as a soul, and why the Seraph doesn't give the position away lightly."

"How do you know all this, Kazemde?" I cocked a brow curiously as I moved to rest my hands in my lap.

"Ryder explained all this to us, things he learned from Alicia during their year together. He has expanded our knowledge vastly upon the concept of Paladin's," Kazemde hissed the words eagerly at the subject.

I snarled as I looked down. "I should reach out to Ichiro with some of this news. I am loathed to trust their lot, but they should know his fate, and they may find something in the future that may be useful."

Kazemde's hood pushed out a little as he spoke up at my words, "I concur, and if I may... request news upon the fate of Alicia's soul. Ryder was keen to know what became of his friend."

"I can do that, Kazemde. I'll also seek to speak with the various demons in our family. Though I don't expect much to come of it, since they are bound to this realm, still it can't hurt." I rose from the seat and gave the Archmage a bow.

The cobra rose and offered his own formal bow. "We will, of course, keep you abreast of any news we find, you are always welcome here any time as a guest, Empress Bloodstone, either with business or to visit with your loved one."

I offered him a gentle smile as I lifted my ears, putting a hand to my chest. "That means the world to me, Kazemde. Oh, before I go, have you any news on my personal request from some time ago about my sister?"

The cobra sighed and shook his head. "Alas, the other task I inherited from my father... No, Lorelai, but know I have our scholars on that as well."

My head lowered a little, my teeth gritting as I hissed through them, "Two of the most important figures in my life, yet I am helpless to aid either no matter what efforts I make..."

I felt his gloved hand rest on my shoulder as he nodded to me. "You do what you can, and we do what we can. An effort is a thousand times more powerful than wishful thinking, we will see what comes of it, but if you are doing all you can, take that to heart."

Meeting his eyes, I gave a grunt at his words and nodded, composing myself as I stood up straight, turning to see a gate that lead to the city I had arrived from. "Thank you again, Kazemde. I'll be in touch."

--*--

"So, that's what her aim was..." Ichiro sighed as he looked to the night sky while leaning on his staff.

"I'll not mince my words, Inchiro, Is there truly nothing your kind can do in this matter?" I folded my arms, frowning upon the ancient angel.

He met my eyes, his blue ones looking faded as he answered me, "Short of falling and trying to find a way into the hells? No... We could try to return the favor, ambush a greater demon, capture them, and barter for a trade, but that's not the way their kind works. The higher rank aristocrats would just scoff at their weakness for being defeated."

"Right, and their kind isn't flitting about all over the mundane realm like yours is, a little tricky to ambush anything," I rubbed my forehead, pushing my fingers against one of my horns to untangle a curl.

"Lorelai, I am thankful you brought me this news of what transpired over Ryder and Charlotte. I thank the gods he has a way to keep himself sane until-"

"To hell with your gods, Ichiro!" I watched him flench and clench his jaw at my outburst. "They've abandoned him like they did Alicia, I've no use for the lot of them!"

The Archangel set me with a surprisingly hard look as he snarled out towards me, "Faith, Lorelai. Sometimes that is all we have, but we must keep it."

"Then you keep my share, old friend. I'm not waiting a thousand years for them to get off their divine asses and do something!" I hissed out the words and turned from him to leave.

"Can you even do anything at this point? And didn't you have other questions Lorelai?" Ichiro sighed out like a father watching a child giving a temper tantrum.

I snorted as I looked over my shoulder at him. "Effort and drive will get more than prayers." He was right though, in my anger I had nearly forgotten the other reason I summoned him. "What of Alicia's soul? Ryder wishes to know what became of his friend."

Ichiro didn't look like he wanted to tell me, but he sighed and lowered his head. "I cannot just keep lavishing you with our business, Lorelai, you need-"

"Then give me this information for Ryder's sake and we'll call it even, I'll consider you and I squared away." I snapped my teeth as my eyes turned red. "Or is the pittance I have asked for too much compared to your life?"

His eyes grew distant, no doubt recalling that time so long ago when he and I had clashed. We were both younger and weaker, but I got the upper hand, even then I had enough foresight to know having someone owe you something was always a boon.

His eyes came into focus as he cocked a brow. "An unfair trade, but I'll take it all the same."

"Yes, I am a paragon of generosity, now out with it," I hissed as I turned to face him fully.

"The Seraph offered to restore her form, give her back her position. She refused, said she'd not do it unless they swore to go on a campaign to free Ryder and Charlotte's souls as well as restore the memories of both of them to the rest of us."

"Sounds like she has the right idea, you lot are fans of holy crusades after all, just gather your armies and march through hell. I'd even join you." I showed my teeth in a crooked grin, putting my hands on my hips.

"Far more complicated than that, but the short of it is, the Seraph told her it wasn't possible. So, Alicia said she'd find a way to make it happen and return her to the cycle."

I tilted my head. "To the cycle? So she opted for another tour of being mundane huh? Well, I can't blame her. She doesn't want to just go rest with it left how it is, but if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't trust your lot to sign back on again either."

"Can't you just follow along with her? Won't her soul have some complications what with being exposed to demons and not able to fully shrug off her Paladin status?" I spoke the words curiously, after all, this was indeed a complicated situation.

"You ask me questions I have no answers for, Lorelai, and in truth, I don't believe the Seraph does either. However, I can tell you, that once a soul returns to the cycle, we can't just tag it for watching. Only if a soul becomes pious or heroic will it catch our attention." Ichiro sighed and shook his head once more. "The reality is, it should not have happened, but the Seraph couldn't simply ignore her faith. Alicia endured centuries of imprisonment while keeping her faith, even in the end she only cared about saving Ryder and Charlotte's soul."

"At least your Seraph are not completely heartless monsters. Well, I'll tell Ryder and wish her all the best in her new life." I turned from the angel and hiked my fluff of tail. "So it is, you are absolved of your debt to me Ichiro. If you appear before me without warning I will assume it is as an enemy."

"Thank you again for this information on Ryder, truly. I pray someday our kind can-"

"Save those honeyed words. We already know the only one of your kind actively pushing for that future is Toroah now, perhaps things would have been different if Ryder were still here. Go in peace, and you may call upon the circle if you wish to speak with him. I'm sure he'd be happy to hear from you."

I didn't wait for a response and stalked away, looking to the horizon to see the faint orange of the rising sun coming up far in the distance, I didn't have time to have an ethical debate with the old dog. A few seconds later I felt his presence fade behind me as I moved back into the city to seek lodging for the day.

--*--

Fallen Angels:

There are laws for celestials that must be maintained to keep their divinity. These include but are not limited to, never turning a blind eye to the faithful in need, never cursing the gods names, and never taking a life unjustly.

Many other things can be done to make a celestial fall from grace, but regardless of the reason, when an angel falls, wings darken as their divinity is pulled from them. The process happens over the course of several moments.

Some celestials only partially fall from grace, their wings simply shifting to a more grey tone, while those that fully turn their backs on the gods have their wings grow to a deep black. Fallen celestials are irresistible targets for demons in the underworld, keen to convince a once agent of the divine to come to their side.

--*--

My anger and rage aside, time didn't care. I spent the next few years seeking council from every last demon member of our court, but all of them were of this realm so it yielded no results.

I felt myself growing more and more resentful over the situation. It was like with Sarnai, I found myself hopelessly seeking a goal to save my love and cure my sister's madness, yet I was powerless at every turn.

Ryder was optimistic given his situation and felt relieved when I told him of Alicia's fate. He mentioned his captor, Kalinae, would pull him out of torpor every five to ten years to check on his condition, the demoness growing more furious every time it resulted in being spat upon and mocked.

So it went, the years trickled by and I tried to take solace in knowing my angel fox had constant company and came to call as often as I could. I also watched my sister slowly sliding further into madness, reinforcing my own feelings of uselessness. I was never one for self-pity, but the powerless little ewe had never been something I was a fan of and avoided it at all costs in my life.

The decades rolled into the twentieth century and the wars that followed brought new tribulations to my life. I was visiting with Lawrence one of our older members when I got the news. I handled it as well as I could, thanking him for the visit and leaving that night for the west. The church had razed one of our houses and killed all of its members. Already an act of war, but one of them was Diana, a collie whom I had known for as long as I can recall and a former lover.

That is a story you've no doubt heard from my sister though. Sarnai saved my life that night against Archangel Samantha. I've no doubt I could have bested her had I not taken a blow to save my sister, and with someone like Samantha, she usually only needs one well-placed strike what with all that power she has.

My fox paid a heavy price that night though, I felt her grip waver heavily on her sanity when she pulled forth so much of her power. Sarnai had told me long ago how each time she summoned her power, it would etch away a little more of her will, but on that night, she didn't hold back, and it left her irrevocably damaged.

I carried that with me, knowing deep down it was all my fault. I should have been faster, stronger, and smarter. I could have ended it quickly or found another way to save her without taking the full brunt of the strike. Ah, but just like mundane, we can replay our moments in our minds all we want, it won't give us another chance at them.

Regardless, we went on a rampage for a few weeks after that. I had a feeling Toroah wouldn't speak to me again over it, I didn't care. I was mad and blind with a vengeance, I would see the church pay for what was lost. We formally sent a messenger to the head church that we were at war and that nothing short of full surrender would cease our attacks. It was a good time for it what with a world war ongoing, most of it could be pushed off as a terror attack. We also had rallied most of the magi circles and lycanthrope clans to our side, so frankly, it was a route at this point.

Elias had been separated from us with the initial conflict leading to Samanth and weeks later we were able to reunite with him. The young vampire he had found was an interesting one, I sensed thaumaturgy within her, something only a few of us had. She would be a boon to the council so I skipped the formalities and made her an official member, ordering the foxes to take their new sister back home, they had all seen enough bloodshed. I, however, had not.

I stalked through the countryside of Europe, be it thriving cathedrals or tiny small-town churches that might have had a dozen members. All of them burned in my wake and any clergy I found, I butchered. I had a clear goal in mind as I was slowly making my way to Rome and leaving a path of carnage in my wake. Deep inside, I knew what I was doing. I sent the foxes and cat home because I knew I was on a suicide mission, I had lost Diana, I had failed both Sarnai and Ryder, I truly had no other recourse.

The sun had just dipped over the horizon as I started walking out of the town I had stayed the day in, a massive roaring fire in the distance as I heard the support beams fail as the large house of worship caved in on itself.

"Stop, abomination! I know what you are and what you've done this-" I simply met the town guard's eyes, pushing my will forward as the acolyte froze in place. I didn't even bother talking to them at this point or explaining myself.

I wrenched the hapless fool down, plunged my teeth in to drink my fill, then simply dropped him to the ground to bleed out. I didn't feel like cleaning my swords or daggers again and was too full to fully drain him.

My mind wasn't even thinking at this point. I had just taken to continuing my path, every time I tried to think, all I saw was Diana's face, or that stupid wolf's. Not to mention Ryder and Sarnai. I had failed so many, let so many down, so I simply stopped thinking and let the hunger in me have my thoughts for the time being.

Several hours passed as I followed the road to the next settlement, not even the insects or animals bothering to make noise, as if out of fear I would come for them next. The only sound was that of my boots crunching on the path I walked, not even my own breathing or heartbeat filling the void as I had no need to do those things.

I hadn't noticed the gate, or perhaps there never was one there, to begin with, but one moment I was in Italy, the next I was in a very dark room, a single brazier lit on the wall, but it did little to offer more than dim lighting. The room was devoid of anything but a single chair that looked not unlike a throne but with no accents and plenty of wear with age. A lone figure sat upon the chair, elbows resting on knees, hunched forward, and head lowered to gaze upon the floor.

"Lorelai Tahmineh." My full name, not something many knew or bothered to use, for good reason. You see, when you truly become powerful and ancient, your full name carries weight with it. Uttering an ancient's true name will always have ramifications, namely, it will create an almost supernature pull to guide that being to you. I'm no mage, I've not a speck of magickal talent within me, but even I can throw a gate open and go to someone when they use my name. However, no one living currently had that knowledge.

Hearing my true name snapped me out of my daze and I lifted my now red eyes to look upon the figure. A female with nothing but a simple tattered robe upon her lithe body. Long blonde hair obscured most of her face and shoulder, hanging down with faint curls in it, looking dirty and unwashed.

Even in the dimness of the room, I could see a single red eye peer at me through the messy locks and my heart pushed into motion, pounding in my ears as I sunk right to a knee in a bow, saying nothing.

She stood and it looked like it took massive effort to do so, weak shaky steps being made with each movement as she slowly shambled towards me. I could her hear joints and bones creak, groaning in protest to being moved after so long being idle. It took her a handful of minutes just to make the labored trek of a few yards towards me, I kept my head down and stayed silent.

"Rise," The word came out raspy and weak as it filled my ears and my body did as was commanded. I looked up as the withered female stood over me, nearly two heads taller than me. She had deep sunken features on her face, not a tail to be seen, and small rounded ears to the side of her head not unlike an ape, but even they showed no fur or hair.

Everything happened in a blink, one moment I stood there, the next she had grabbed the front of my leather armor and hauled me over her head, holding me aloft as I watched her other emaciated hand grab my wrist, sharp nails pushing into the flesh there, making blood erupt from the wound. My teeth clenched as she simply held me aloft, her mouth open as blood rolled from my wrist into her maw, showing the two large sharp teeth that looked as out of place as mine did, the rest looking smooth.

She held me like that for several moments, I couldn't even compel my body to move, drinking from my own stolen blood supply as I watched the color return to her cheeks, her flesh starting to look fuller and less sunken. Finally, she had enough and simply flung me to the floor several yards away.

I winced as I tumbled a few times, then slowly picked myself up, dragging my own tongue over my bloody wrist to close the wound, finding my feet. She had drank much, but not enough to leave me weak.

Even her hair looked more robust as she raised her hands to rake her fingers through it, tidying it a bit before returning to her throne and taking a seat, leaning back slightly in it now as she gave a wave of her hand. "Come."

I did as I was told and moved forward, standing before her. She met my red eyes and motioned with a hand. "Go on, say what is on your mind, my child."

It took my brain a moment to shift gears to speak Latin before I responded, "You could have asked," I drooped my ears, giving her a flat look.

"That, was beyond my ability. I hadn't the strength. Be glad I didn't sink my teeth straight into your flesh, or there would be nothing remaining of you." Her red eyes seemed to smolder with heat as she spoke the words matter-of-factly to me.

My teeth clenched as I rubbed at my wrist, glancing away. "What do you want? I've not seen you since the crusade wars..."

"To stop you, and I was hungry," She sighed the words as if it were an obvious statement.

"Why would you stop me?" I put my hands to my hips, cocking my brow.

"I commend your duty, but the price has been paid, you exacted more than a fair share."

"That is my decision to make, they took something from me that-"

"No, Lorelai Tahmineh, that is MY decision to make. Question me again and I'll finish what I started, I'll even make a meal of those foxes you so love."

My eyes widened at the threat, then narrowed as I moved a hand to the hilt of my blade. "You will not threat-"

"Oh, give it a rest." She lifted her finger and a wave of force flung me from my feet. I gasped out as I literally slammed into the rocky ceiling of the room before it left me and I fell hard back to the ground but managed to catch myself. My teeth showed in a furious snarl as my eyes burned.

"You've had enough, and I don't need the church wiped out. Did I steer you wrong when I told you to avoid the war my brothers wrought?"

I hissed through my teeth and eased my stance, returning my hands to my hips. "Matters of the heart are not so easily quelled, my Lady."

"Yet that is my command, do as I say, this debate is over." Her eyes narrowed and she showed her sharp canines as she clicked her tongue. "I'm fond of you, Lorelai Tahmineh, but I'll kill you and everyone you love if you question me again, am I clear?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and gave a quick nod. "I- I apologize for my outburst, please keep any resentment targeted squarely at me and leave my family out of this."

"See, that's why I like you. You're dutiful and you take care of your family, even our council at large." She stood and walked over to me. "Come with me my child, we need to have a talk and we will walk in the moonlight as we do, it should only slightly hurt me."

"Why would the moonlight hurt you?" I asked curiously as I found us simply standing in a field near where I was, faint wisps drifting off her skin as if steam rolling off a hot body in the bitter cold.

She didn't seem to mind it and started walking as I kept pace. "Moonlight is just a reflection of sunlight really, the truly antiquated of our kind such as me, could only travel when the moon was in its lesser phases, full moonlight would kill us as easily as sunlight. However, just as you are strong enough to withstand brief exposure to the sun, I too can handle this, and it's been so long since I saw the world basked in the glow."

"I understand... so what did you want to talk about?" I kept pace with what was to my knowledge, the only Elder of our species that remained.

"Why, your trials and tribulations, Lorelai. I sense a great weight upon your soul, and being my eldest daughter, well is it not a mother's duty to attempt to comfort her children?"

"You literally threatened to murder me and all I love, now you wish to comfort me?" I cocked a brow frowning at her words.

"Spare the rod, they say... out with it," She hissed the words as we stopped and stood there, looking over the rolling hills.

I gave a sigh and proceeded to just unload my whole suitcase there and then. I told my 'mother' about my relationship with Ryder and Toroah, about Diana, Charlotte, as well as anything else that had weighed on me like Sarnai's madness.

"You have... a lot on your soul, my child..." The elder folded her arms, rubbing her chin in thought as she stared out upon the hills for several minutes as we stood there in silence.

"Do you have faith in me or the gods, Lorelai Tahmineh?" She finally asked as she shifted her gaze to me squarely.

"I do not. The gods can go fuck themselves and you threaten to kill me. Had I the power I'd put you in your place-" I glared as I looked her over finding no distinguishing features to akin her too. "whatever you are."

She showed an approving grin at my snarled words and moved a hand to rub at my hair and ears, mussing my curls around my horns. "That's my daughter, I can respect that, also what I am doesn't matter, just a long-dead race before your time."

I hissed out at the treatment, any other being that tried such a thing short of Ryder or Toroah would have had no hand to pull back, but I wasn't really in that position here. She grinned at me again, as if knowing my train of thought before withdrawing her hand.

"Lorelai Tahmineh, I am very much like the Seraph in that, despite my power and vast network of knowledge, I do not have all the answers. However, despite what you think, I love you and every one of my children. I can set some wheels in motion, but I cannot ascertain if they will be fruitful for you or not."

"Truly? What would these wheels pertain to?" I looked hard into her eyes, resting a hand on my hip.

"Why, a means to get you into the deepest layers of the underworld of course. Even one such as me can not simply fling open a gate. It takes decades or even centuries to prepare such rituals for even brief incursions."

"Why? Why would you do this?" I snarled as I glared upon her, not trusting her in the slightest, despite her kind words.

"Because I love you, my child, regardless of your misgivings. Did I not warn you to avoid the wars in the past? You would have no doubt marched to your death as many others did had I not intervened directly with you."

With a sigh, I push my hand to my head. "Then why all the heavy-handed threats?"

"Have you not taken a heavy hand with new members of your family then turned to love them later, Lorelai?" She quirked a brow, mimicking my posture as she rested a hand on her own hip.

"Yes, new members!" I snarled as I thrust a finger at her.

"So, if one of your older members became obstinate with you, you would not be heavy-handed? Do not attempt to deny it, we both know you would!" She cocked a brow, showing me a grin as I snarled and jerked my gaze away.

"Peace, Lorelai Tahmineh. I am an ancient creature with nothing but infinite amounts of boredom. I will see your goals moved forward if within my power, if for no other reason than to have something to do. Believe me when I say I do care and love you."

"Then never threat my family again, are we clear?" I snarled, not bothering to hide the fury and heat in my words.

"Hmph... I knew there was a reason you were my favorite, you obstinate little bitch!" She showed me an approving grin and held a hand up, cocking a brow as I felt a slight wave of unseen force push against my shoulder as someone would give a shove when trying to start a fight. "Consider it done."

I grunted at the 'push' showing my teeth as I looked away. She clued in and gave me a knowing smile. "Something else weighs on you... you, have suffered defeat recently, haven't you?"

My ears lifted as I shot her a glare but said nothing. She moved to me and I grunted as she pulled me into her arms, pressing my face into her breasts through the simple robes she wore, my horns pressing into her surprisingly warm body. "Now now... if you live to learn from it, you are the stronger warrior for it..."

I bleated out and pulled from her embrace, glaring up at her as my small fluff of tail jerked and twitched. "I need not your comfort!"

"Hmm... you are still such a child when you are upset, despite how old you are, my daughter." The ancient vampire sighed and waved a hand before we stood back in the dark poorly lit room once more.

With a frown, I turned my back to her, giving an annoyed huff. She seemed amused by the whole display as she moved to take a seat. "Lorelai Tahmineh, your soul will be truly tested in the coming centuries, and given you are my favorite... I will offer you a boon."

"Are the wheels you set in motion not already the boon, mother?" I grumbled as I looked over my shoulder at her.

"That, my child, is me entertaining myself, to see if you can make crops flourish from the seeds I provide you with. No, my daughter, my boon will be one of grueling pain and agony." She showed me a wide mad grin and I felt my heart sink as my ears lifted.

"W-What? I thought we were past threats?" I wheeled to face her and like that she was before me a sword in her hand, my sword. I gapped my mouth as I reached for my scabbard, feeling one of my shortswords had been withdrawn. I leaped back several feet producing my other one, shivers crawling up my spine.

"Ha! I can see the fear in your eyes, daughter! That's good, that is... good!" She hissed the words and blinked out of sight. I couldn't even process it all, one moment she was there, the next my sword lay scattered to the wet floor of the chamber and I was pushed to the wall, her blade to my throat. "Only a fool shutters out all fear... You are one of my elite, but you are still weak as a lamb..."

My mouth gaped and I felt my heart pound as the steel dug into my flesh, blood rolling along the blade before she withdrew it. She dragged her tongue over the steel, lapping up my essence, and stabbed the sword into the wall next to my head.

Fear was something I'd felt many times over my life, but never quite that intensely. "D-Damn you!" I screamed out at her, feeling tears cloud my vision, feeling so completely overwhelmed that it shook my confidence to its core.

"You will get stronger, my daughter. I will make you worthy of being my eldest now that Diana and Ra's are gone. The celestials are keen to put pretty titles on things, so I will deem you my Avenger, my knight, and the voice of our kind."

"I don't need your fucking title, mother! I already am the voice of our-"

"I am the voice of our kind, regardless of what you think, Lorelai Tahmineh, but if you are to be my hand, you will earn it, lest I will choose a new leader of this council and you can-"

"Fine! Choose a new one, I'd do well to focus on saving my angel-fox and sister anyway! Keep your fucking title and all that comes with it!" I roared the words out, picking my swords up and sheathing them.

She folded her hands against her lap, staring hard at me without saying a word. I scowled and narrowed my eyes. "What?!"

"Answer truthfully... Were Ryder and all four of the Archangels to assault you, how do you think you would fare?"

I blinked a few times at that and scowled. "Even I would... I would not fare well, of that I'm sure."

"Kalinae brought them all to their knees as well as their High Bishop and Toroah's first. What will you do, Lorelai Tahmineh? Will you fling the gates of hell open, and somehow best the demon that now holds your lover in her clutches? Will you somehow liberate Charlotte's soul and fell a being that all of them could not?"

My teeth showed and more tears came to my eyes at the realization, once again hammering home just how helpless and weak I was. I clenched my eyes closed, squeezing my fists so hard my nails dug into my flesh, and blood started dripping from them.

She was atop me once more and my face was again against her chest. "Embrace me, trust me, and I will make you strong enough to be the Avenger of our kind. You have my love, now give your trust, stay with me..."

Something in me broke at that. She was right, I had no means, I had no strength, I had nothing but helplessness. I threw my arms around her, smearing my bloody palms against her robes as I fully clung to her, refusing to let the yowling sobs of rage escape my throat.

"When you are not attending to council affairs or personal business, I will have you here with me for training. Make sure you always come full though, I cannot sustain myself on mundane blood, it must be from my children."

I gave several nods before gently pulling from her arms and frowning. "Is that why you were in such a state when I came here?"

"Yes, my daughter, only the blood of our kind can nourish me. I had not fed in several centuries since seeing you this night. I put myself into a meditative torpor, slowing my body functions so I need not use what I have in me as quickly."

"Understood, I can accept that, but why your... brutish way of doing things upon our meeting?"

"I no longer trust myself to drink straight from the source and it would be akin to plunging a dagger into my heart to end one of my children, so I drank what I could to function, then cast you away so I could regain myself before the hunger demanded all of it."

I gave a nod, making a mental note to bring a vessel to drink from so she didn't have to throw me around. With a resigned sigh, I composed myself fully and accepted this trial. It was as Kazemde said, an effort was worth more than wishful thinking. I could stand around feeling sorry for myself, or I could work towards the goal, no matter how painful that was. "Very well, Mother. If it will see my family with lasting peace and my loved ones returned to me, or their injustices righted... You have me."

"I always did, my daughter," She hissed the words proudly as she cupped my cheek and gazed upon me. I stared hard into those red smoldering eyes, seeing but a glimpse of the eternity of solitude and madness within them, knowing I was very small and fragile in this moment.

Her large sharp teeth showed as she saw me analyzing her and turned from me. "Do not stare so deeply into the abyss my daughter, lest it stares back upon you."

"What in the nine hells does that mean?" I snarled as I put my hands on my hips.

"It means... leave me, go rest. Return to your foxes and their new sister, welcome them, savor their love for you. I will call upon you one month from today, be well fed and ready to endure what comes with that." Just as soon as the words passed her lips, I was back on the roads as if I'd never left.

I shuddered at the whole thing, brushing my fingertips against a sign marker, saying the holy city was twenty miles to the south. My teeth clenched as I thought about Diana, then snarled as I spun on my heel and struck out back to the north from whence I came. I would send messengers when I returned to civilization, letting the church know we would end the slaughter, but our strength had been known and any further aggression during this war, would lead to nothing but total annihilation.

---

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