Darin
Alright, folksies, you know the drill. If you don't like the gayfux stories or you're too young to read 'em, it's best to leave now. This story contains adult situations between two gay furs who, strangely, aren't adults. Oh well.
This one, I've been working on all bloody summer. Or winter, for you folksies on the other hemisphere. n.n Either way, here it is. The poem at the bottom is written by me, but not without due inspiration from one Black Cat. I love him and he's mine and stuff.
This is one of the few stories I have written that I will dedicate to anyone. I dedicate this piece to Skan, who probably wanted to read this more than I wanted to write it. I dedicate this to Fiercefox, ex-mate who taught me what it feels like to love, and what it feels like to live without it. This is also dedicated to Black Cat. If we hadn't have mated, I don't think I would have bothered with this textual effort. Anyway, here 'tis. Enjoy, all ye!
Note: Some of you may be confused that Colin refers to Darin as a "kitten." To clarify things, a kitten is a baby rabbit as well as a baby cat.
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My friends pushed me into him again, egging me on and cat-calling me. The other kid just took it, keeping a strong expression but I could see his eyes clouding over, tears debating whether to break free or not. The me who is not me took over and shoved the rabbit down onto the ground. "Aww, the little kitten's crying," I declared, turning around to chuckle to my mates, but inwardly I was empty. Sick. I kneeled down next to him, staring into his eyes and my expression softened. Even as I taunted him aloud, I whispered promises of protection. Because I knew how he felt. I had been through it, year after year. The jeering faces in circles around me, the pricks shoving me down and laughing at my pain. Laughing at me for crying.
"Little kitten is so retarded he came to the high school to look for his mommy," I exclaimed.
The rabbit stood up, looking as if he were ready to fight. I knew his expression, the pressure he was going through to come up with a comeback. A few awkward seconds of silence on his part, and just as the fucker behind me, the 'leader' was opening his muzzle, the rabbit snapped. He looked me right in the eye; I could see hatred burning on the surface, but deeper, a plea for cooperation. A plea to make the subconscious empathy become real, to become a concrete alliance.
I've always been a weak fox.
"What are you lookin' at me like that for, kitten? If you want to fuck someone, go look for a mouse. I ain't liftin' my tail for a RABBIT."
I hate myself.
The kid growled and shook all over, then turned around and kneed one of the students behind him keeping him surrounded in the balls and sprinted, sobbing, towards the office. The bastards I call friends patted me on the back and laughed, and I laughed with them. Laughed just like the sadistic fucks I had met on the road through life. Laughed like the cunts I hated so much. We went on towards the lunchroom, laughing and making a raucous series of jokes and jeers, but deep inside, I was screaming in anger at myself.
I couldn't sleep that night.
***
Same time, same place, same kid, different day. I didn't even know his name. But to the people I associated with, that didn't matter. It didn't matter at all. All that mattered was that we were cool, that we came out on top, and everyone loved us. Except I know not everyone loved us. That was part of the romance, I guess. That blind, conceited ignorance protecting us from all external negativity like a divine shroud. But for me, the attacks never came from the outside. They came from the inside, my betrayal to myself and those like me.
He was shaking now, but his eyes were hard. He didn't cry. He didn't even look close to doing so. But you could feel the hate coming off of him. He glared at me, every fur of his standing on end, indignant at my betrayal. I taunted him. I mercilessly bashed him before a collection of the worst people you could meet in this place, and all for what? So I wouldn't be in the same place. Betrayal.
I don't even know how it happened. I don't know what I was saying, or when he made the move, but suddenly the school's security officer was cuffing the kid, and a teacher was holding my hands behind my back as the officer removed him to the office. Even then, he was so calm. So tranquil and tractable as they lead him away. And I hated myself even more, when the teacher told me the kid was holding a knife.
My friends just stood there, bewildered, silent. The teacher finally released my hands and I headed straight to the bathroom. There was a lunch in my stomach that suddenly I didn't feel so deserving of. I kicked open the restroom door, ran to a stall and doubled over a toilet seat, vomiting violently. I'm surprised my esophagus wasn't bleeding.
A few minutes longer I knelt there, and then I got shakily to my feet. I left the restroom, nearly falling with every step. The hallway was empty; class had started. I didn't care. I didn't care at all. The only thing on my mind was a knife and a betrayal. I felt like scum. I was scum.
***
"So you say you gave Darin the knife?" The counselor asked, and the rabbit--named Darin--sat solemnly in the back of the room. I nodded. I knew I was doomed to Hell for all this. Suspension, at the very least. Probably expulsion. I'd go down for a felony, I knew. McDonald's would be nervous about hiring me. But Darin didn't deserve this.
"Yes, ma'am. I brought the knife, I only showed it to Darin because he saw the bulge in my pocket. He didn't do anything but be in the wrong place in the wrong time." I explained. Darin's eyes widened a little bit, and I could see that familiar clouding. This time, I was proud of it.
"Colin, he looked as if he was going to attack you." The counselor said, reading from the security officer's report.
I chuckled nervously. "Boys will be boys. He is in acting class." And he was, too. Darin brushed away a tear, and I bit my lip and put my shoulder to the wheel. "Mrs. Kline, anything he did was solely my fault. I brought the knife because I wanted to show it off, and this happened." My voice cracked, and I barely managed to finish the last syllable. I was in for a swimming pool of shit when my parents found out.
The principal, who had hitherto remained silent, cleared his throat and spoke up. "Colin, you know we have a zero tolerance policy at this school. We have no choice but to put you under a three month suspension and a loss of all credit for this semester." I bit my lip and looked down at my lap, but I didn't feel as bad as I might've. Darin would get to stay. After what I put him through, he deserves to move on.
I finally lifted my head and nodded. "Y..yes sir." My voice cracked, and I got up to go wait outside for my parents to arrive. The principal cleared his throat again, and I turned around to face him. He gestured toward the chair. "If you please, Colin, I'm not finished yet."
"Yes sir." I retook my spot and crossed my legs kind of like a girl, clenching them nervously. The principal leaned forward. "I admire that you came and told us what you did, Colin. You could have left it all on Darin and no one would have been the wiser. For that courage, you will not lose credit, and a felony will not be placed on your record. Your suspension will be reduced to a month and a half." I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. "Under one condition."
I nodded, implying that he continue.
"That you discontinue the association with those 'friends' of yours and pull your grades back up. You're a brilliant kid, Colin, and it's time to start acting like it again."
I stood up, shook his hand and thanked him earnestly, and went outside to wait for my mother. It was hot out, and my skin was beginning to feel warm under my fur. I sat on the guide rail, kicking my foot back and forth nervously, waiting for the little piece of Hell I knew was coming.
A quiet grunt next to me, and I felt a body slip onto the rail. I turned to see Darin looking at me in mild amazement, and I bit my lip once more. I was feeling guilty all over again. Then he smiled ever so softly, and this time it was my eyes clouding over.
"Hey, Colin... thank you for that."
"Darin, don't."
He gave me an inquisitive look.
"Ever since the first time we met, and I treated you the way I did, I hated myself. I tortured you, hit you, taunted you. I am not that kind of person. I'm more like you than them, but I wanted out of the position people like them put me in. In your position. Lately, you're the only thing on my mind. There was something between us, the day you got Eric in the balls. You felt it just as much as I did. You were pleading for my help because you knew who I was, and I betrayed you. That wasn't a favor, Darin. That was a debt repaid."
Darin only sat there, watching his thighs, and it wasn't until a minute later when I realized he was crying. After a few moments, he shook his had rapidly and wiped his eyes. "Yes, I know," he said. "You're not so bad after all."
I shrugged morosely and slid off the rail as my mother pulled into the school parking lot. "Maybe." I proceeded to the car, pulled open the back-right seat because I wasn't going to sit near my mother, and argued with her all the way home.
***
It's dark, comfortable, and I can finally be alone with myself and my thoughts. My ears are no longer ringing from the shouts, my lip is no longer bleeding from me biting it. I'm on my bed and I curl up, breathing hard and bewildered at how my life has come together, piece by piece to add up to this. This isn't like some spreadsheet in Excel where I can click an option and arrows point to everything that causes some result in some formula. I can't place the reasons why my life has summed up to this and my head can barely contain the pulsating, flinging thoughts soaring around inside it.
I grab the pillow in frustration, worry, fear, you name it, and bury my face into it. Images are flashing in front of my mind's eye. Darin. All the times I've seen him hurt, angry, scared. It's like some slideshow zipping through at the speed of light, and I feel more and more guilt, more and more anger at myself, and then I remember that smile. I remember the smile telling me that I took a step forward to redemption. Smile telling me that I gained a new friend, one who will actually care.
All I can think now is Darin.
He's so beautiful.
***
The next day was nearly, but not truly, unbearable. Those fuckers were waiting where my bus drops me off, as usual. Then there was the daily, horrifyingly boring teasing about me not having a car. I don't know what gave them the idea that I wanted them to follow me but they did. Like stupid, greedy, spiteful puppies following their owner's heels. I shrugged off their comments and stupidly they kept on talking. Was this what they really thought of me? Like some little computer to tap in their information, regardless of what I said or did? Does it matter if I actually reciprocate to them, as long as they can get it off?
I dropped my school junk off at my first class. I don't know why I bothered to bring it, because I was leaving before the end of the class anyway. I just had to get my homework assignments for the next six weeks. Almost an entire quarter. And these fuckers were still patting my back and gibbering in my ear.
"But, Colin, wasn't that so freaky how that faggot charged you with the knife?"
"Yeah, the fucking pansy! Where is that freakin' rabbit? He better have gotten expelled, or I'm going to tear his ears off."
"Haha, that'd be cool, Eric. Tear his ears off and tie them around his wais-"
The heartless stupidity of the conversation finally got to me. "Shut the fuck up, you cunts. I've had enough of you following me around ripping me off, getting me into trouble, making me treat other furs like shit. Stop talking to me, fuck off, and go find someone who cares. There should be plenty in the special ed room."
They always made fun of retards. Truthfully, I do too, but not to the point where I like to push them around and steal their lunch boxes. Live and let live, right?
"Dude... Colin, we have brains."
"Not the last time I checked."
"Colin, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you being so gay?"
I snapped. Eric was on the floor, clutching--fittingly, I thought--the same place Darin had kicked just days ago. "Because you're assholes. All of you. Inconsiderate, unfeeling, stupid assholes, and if you burnt in hell, it still wouldn't be enough for me and half the people here."
I walked off, not caring if they jumped me or not. And they didn't.
And I didn't see Darin staring at me in that same amazed manner that he treated me with the day before until I bumped into him, and fell over. The retards laughed their asses off, but Darin extended his hand and helped me up, and felt strange. I never extended this kind of courtesy to him. Once standing, he didn't let go of my paw, but for some reason, that didn't feel too wrong to me.
"That may have been a bit painful, Colin, but I must say I want to congratulate you for it." He said, smiling that smile of his. And I smiled back, not even feeling it.
"The most painful part about it was the fall."
And that was all that needed to be said, as he followed me from class to class, loading up with notes, stacks of assignments, project supplies, and the like. I went back to my first period class, asked Darin to hold those assignments for me so I could go in and grab my binder.
He handed me the stack and was gone.
Ten minutes later, so was I. Back home, in my room sitting at my computerless computer desk and looking out the window. Everything felt okay, even though any academician would believe it wasn't. The pile of paper next to my arm looked as if it came fresh from a package of printing paper. That big.
Grudgingly I retrieved a pencil and slipped the first sheet of the pile in front of me, and put my pencil on the blank next to Name but there was already something there. I focused my swimming vision on it and read.
823-4897 <3 - Darin
Oh God.
***
I can barely breathe. The butterflies in my stomach are trying to chew away out with anesthetized jaws, and I'm shaking like a vibrator on high power. I keep missing the buttons on the phone, keep getting wrong numbers. I put the phone back down and something rises up through me, like steam out of a geyser. Eventually, I explode into manic, hysterical laughter. I'm absolutely befuddled at this reaction, but even my bewilderment doesn't stop me from giggling hard enough to make my desk shake. What is this? Why do I feel so wonderful? Why am I so scared?
I close my eyes, and take a few deep, shaky breaths laced with giggles, try to relax. I pick up the phone, breathing carefully and focus on my task. I almost hang up when I dial the number successfully, but I tense my arm nervously and let it ring.
***
They say we at these young ages are incapable of feeling love, that we don't know what it is. But they don't know what they're talking about. All throughout our first conversation on the phone, the feeling, the knowledge that I did indeed truly love this rabbit grew inside me. Even breathing filled me with ecstasy, the air tasted sweet. The world was finally a good place and all because I could hear his timid breaths, his delicately pronounced words... so soft and sweet that you could practically taste them.
Everything about him was wonderful, but there was an underlying feeling of dread. I was grounded for what I'd done, even though mom believed me. I wasn't grounded for "bringing" that knife to school so much as I'd managed to get myself in trouble by being on the wrong side of the universal ethic "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So how could I see him, like I so desperately wanted to? How do I contact him? And then the question that really clawed at me... would it even last?
"Colin, are you there?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Darin. I spaced off."
"What's wrong, foxy?"
"Hardly anything, Dar. Thanks to you."
Silence, but heavier breathing.
"I know it seems fast, and you'd have a right to be suspicious." I begin, barely capable of speech. "But when I first met you, I... I suffered so much inside. I wanted so bad to turn around and defend you, but I was too weak. I felt like shit. But since I called you this evening, I've come to a decision."
"...yes?"
"I love you, Darin. I mean, I really love you. I realize it might be hard to believe, or you might not think it's real because it's happened so soon... but..."
"...Okay, Colin." Dar sighed on the other end. "I need to go."
I bit my lip, almost cried. He didn't... really feel the same way. It seemed like a thousand questions were rushing through my head. Why? How? What'd I do? Why didn't I see it? Did I misinterpret everything?
"Colin?"
I took a shuddering breath, but couldn't get anything out. Squeezed my eyes shut and lowered my head.
"Colin... my stepdad's right in front of me, and he wants me to 'get off the fucking phone.' I need to go."
Click.
I'm so lost. Did he just not reciprocate because his step-father was there? Or was it because he really doesn't have those feelings for me? What about that heart next to his phone, number, though? Was he just being girly? But if he didn't have those feelings for me, why did he tell me his step-father was there? Was it an excuse? Or was it really his way of saying "I love you, too" when he couldn't actually voice it out loud?
I'm sitting here staring at my paws, trying to figure it out. Most of our relationship, really, has been communicated through hidden messages. It wouldn't surprise me if that's what it was. It's probably best to hope that's what it was. It has to be that. I love him too much for it to be anything but.
***
"Oh my fucking God, Darin." I cried out after I pulled him into my house. He was really beaten up. A healing cut on the side of his face, a black eye. This was my Darin but someone had damaged him. I was furious and frightened and sad all at once, and I needed very badly to know what had happened. After I had finished cleaning his cut, I got him down on the couch to tell me.
"My fucking stepfather got all of it on speakerphone. He heard... what you said and he... you can see what he did. I got out of the house the second I could and came to the first safe place that I could think of. To you, Colin." He looked at me with his bloodshot, fear-filled eyes. Looking into those eyes, I could see that he was almost feral. He needed someone to ensure his safetly and security. I squeezed his paw tightly and let him continue.
"Everything you said last night, Colin, is exactly everything I've ever wanted to hear from you. I do love you. Just... keep me safe from him, foxy."
I dropped his paw and squeezed him tightly, pressing my face against his neck. "I would keep you safe from the entire world until it killed me, if you asked it. I'm here for you, Dar. I promise."
Eventually, we both drew away trembling, silently--but not awkwardly--regarding the night. A few tell-tale footsteps and then my mom appeared at the bottom of the staircase. She had no air of I-told-you-you-were-grounded-mister which was relieving. She knew something was up because I normally never would allow someone into the house at this time of night.
She padded into the living room, and watched us for a second. "You guys look like hell..." she claimed.
I shook my head rapidly, clearing my mind so I could actually talk to her. "This is Darin, mom. ...The rabbit." I said, watching her reaction. Raised eyebrows. Impression, I think, until she took another look at his face. "Jesus..." she said.
His ears splayed just a little bit. "Yeah.... my stepdad did it... a couple hours ago. It isn't the first time." He said, timidly, and suddenly the previously dormant rage swelled up in my blood again. I wanted to rip the motherfucker apart with my teeth. I think mom saw my reaction.
"What uh... species is he?" She asked.
A rabbit's growl is a really startling thing in the sense that you usually don't expect it. Lapines don't tend to have a face which looks like it would even want to growl, so it catches most off guard. All I know is that it made me shudder. "He's a wolf," Darin said. I wanted to slit this guy's throat.
"Mom, I'm going to ask you a favor. He doesn't really have... anywhere else to go. Can he stay here for awhile until his dad calms down? I don't want Dar there," ever, I was thinking, but added "when his dad is being like that. It scares me."
She glanced again at his black eye silently, and then nodded tiredly. "Alright. Let's just all get some sleep," she said, before heading off up the stairs. I smiled reassuringly at Darin and took his paw, following her up and leading my rabbit into my room.
***
He slides his hands up my shirt and rests his trembling paws on my chest, his padless digits rubbing circles around my nipples as I close my eyes, press my lips against his and smile softly. Nothing is awkward, we both flow into each other like rivers into the ocean. My paws slowly slip towards his pants, unbuttoning them, pulling them down. I gaze breathlessly at his beautiful hips, and his genitals... as regal as an ancient statue. My paws cup the mounds of his as yet unseen but firm butt. My fingers massage his tailbase gently.
But I'm not the only one doing the work. He carefully removes my clothes as I service his tense, stress-taut muscles. He cuts right to the chase, and holds my testicles like one holds water in one's paws, cupping them lovingly and caringly.
I take a shuddering breath and kiss his neck, running my paws now all over his body, then I whisper into his ear. "Darin, may I go inside of you?"
I see his cheeks redden beneath his fur, he presses his head to my chest, wraps his arms around me. "Just... be gentle with me, right? I've never taken a... penis before," he giggles, shyly.
I smile back. "Oh, I will. But you have to be gentle, too. I've never taken a... rump before." I wink and playfully emulate his context. He giggles as I turn and bring out a tube of olive oil. I smile apologetically. "You'll have to make do with this. I know you were expecting, say, Wet, or something, but I'm not that rich, love."
He giggles and slides onto the bed, presenting his rear to me in a kind of doggystyle position. "Would you, Colin, do the honors of lubricating my most eager rump for me?" He says, smiling widely back at me. I find myself wondering what that wily little grin would look like without a black eye to subtract from it.
I breathlessly approach his rump, running both paw and eye over the shape of it, under it, around it, before focusing on the middle.... A small pink button of flesh just waiting to be pressed. I lean in close, my muzzle practically buried between my bun's buns. I inhale, causing Darin to giggle a little. "What are you doing back there, sir fox?"
I close my eyes, enjoying the not-too-strong musk emanating from that pink flesh. After a couple of seconds, I meet his slightly glazed gaze. "Well, sir rabbit, I do happen to be a canine. We are quite famous for the rump-inhaling." Colin laughs softly. "Yes, well canines are also famous for actually licking eaaahhhh.... Ahh..." he trails off as I push my tongue as far as it will go up his rump. I revel in the sensation and taste of his insides kind of squirming around my tongue. No words can truly describe it.
I slowly pull out of him and snap open the tube of olive oil.
"Canines are famous for licking eaaahhhh?" I asked as I began to rub the oil all over his rump, then slowly lubricating his button, pushing an oiled finger deeper and deeper into the depths of Darin's happy place.
He just moans and nods, and I push that oiled finger down, towards his belly button, and I see my bunny's tail start to wiggle as he spreads his legs a little wider. "Aha. I have located the prostate in my bunny's eaaahhhh!" Darin nods ecstatically, but I pull out and begin to rub the oil onto my own prominent reproductive organ. Darin waits patiently as I lubricate myself, nearly forces me into him as I finish, but I manage to fend his slippery rump off.
"No, Darin. Not like this. I want to be able to kiss you and see your face."
Darin just gazes at me, swallows and settles onto his back, propping his lower half up with a pillow. I pull myself onto the bed, knee my way over to my Darin, and press my penis against his button. With little effort, I slip inside and gasp. My arms work their way urgently underneath my rabbit as I push deeper into my bunny, breathing deeply as I feel the heat and moistness of my insides. I can see his face, his mouth open in ecstasy. I cap it with my own, having a gentle wrestling match with our tongues as I hilt him. I squeeze him tight, and pull agonizingly out; it's almost too much for me.
I am inside the one I love. I'm losing my virginity not to some random male who's willing to take it, I'm losting it to a lover. Nothing could please me more. He sighs, a little whimper wrapped up in it, and gently nibbles on my lips. I hilt him again, then proceed with a little rhythm, clinging to him every inch along the way, needing not just to feel his warmth around my penis, but to feel him around my body. I can hardly breathe, overwhelmed with carnal and emotional needs.
As I slowly come to orgasm inside of him, I feel his claws digging into my back. I shiver and then hold his head to mine. I push my tongue into his mouth, pressing mine against his as my toes curl and I empty off inside my tight rabbit. I pull out, my sensitive flesh in near-pain trying to leave that prison of pleasure.
Later, as I suck and swallow my seed from his tailhole, I say to him "In a perfect world, I would have gotten you to come when I did." I swallow down the last of the juice that I can get at, then slip under the covers. He curls up around me, and presses his penis against my lips. I accept him into my mouth without complaint, but I cannot throat him yet. I push one of my fingers into his slightly stretched, still moist hole. He whimpers and rests his head on one of the pillows as I press the tip of my tongue against his urethra. "In a perfect world, Colin, my dad wouldn't have done this to me."
Several minutes later, after I swallow down his offering, I move up to kiss him, playfully pushing the little bit I saved for him into his mouth. As I watch him finally resolve the debate to spit or swallow and I hear the gulp, I lay my head across from his.
"Any world with you in it, Darin, is close enough for me."
And we wrap our arms around each other, and drift asleep. And for the first time in my life, I know everything is going to be alright.
111
When I knew you, and you knew me
The greatest pleasure I ever had
Was when I knew I was your key
And you were never below me.