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20.

"Ellie... Ellllie..."

No. Sleeping.

"Ellie."

The voice was sounding more insistent.

"Time to get up."

Mom? "No school. Teacher conference." I heard a laugh and a hand shook me. Reality came flooding back with a dull stinging pain. My eyes sprang open to see the stallion sitting in a chair at my side. I was laying on a table in a conference room.

"Here," he said passing me a can of soda.

It wasn't until my first mouthful was down that I remembered how long it had been since the last time I'd tasted a carbonated beverage. "Thank you. sir."

Tront smiled. "You look like you need some caffeine."

"How long have I been out?" I felt panic starting to build.

"Only fifteen. But we gotta head back so you can finish your breakfast and so that crazy tiger doesn't shank me next time I've got my back to him. Speaking of which, you are ok, right?"

I took another drink of my soda and narrowed my eyes. I felt slimy, sore and tired, but I didn't want Tront to suffer the wrath of Dimitri. Very few furs deserved that. "I, I wasn't bleeding while I was out, was I?"

Tront rubbed his eyes. "No. And I'm sorry if it hurt. I was working out some frustrations."

"I get that a lot," I said, drinking more of my soda to remind myself why I wasn't going to sic Dimitri on him.

Tront looked guilty and tried to change the subject. "I used to date a fur about your size. A bat. He used to get pretty wild. I guess you could say he was a power bottom."

"What?"

Tront shifted in his chair. "Yeah," he cleared his throat, "he was always the one that led the way when we did anal. I'd just had to lay back and let him hop on. The little fucker was insatiable."

"Wait," this was new to me, "he was my size and he didn't have a problem the your size? I mean the size of-"

Tront held up his hand in understanding. "Don't know why I'm telling you this, but he left me for a bigger fur. That should answer your question."

"And it didn't hurt? The sex part I mean. He didn't get hurt?"

"Well, at first maybe. But if you go slow, and practice...", he looked like he was reliving a few memories. "How should I know. He seemed to like it. Always seemed to get off when we did it."

That was interesting. I downed the last of the soda and wondered if there was a way for me to practice.

***

The walk back to the cafeteria proved more difficult than I would have thought. I limped most of the way and had to ask Tront to stop every so often so I could keep from blacking out. Tront got progressively more apologetic the closer he got me to Dimitri.

"It's ok," I assured him as I leaned against the wall wheezing. "Just some muscle cramps. Dimitri won't mind."

"Yeah, I'm still sorry it hurt. Is there anything I can do?" he asked for the hundredth time.

I was going to tell him no again until a thought occurred. "Yes. If we do this again, bring lube."

Tront patted my back. "I think I can manage that. Does this mean you'd be good with me arranging another rendezvous?"

"Just give me a few days to recover and I'm good to go," I gave him a thumbs up and we walked into the cafeteria. Jake pointed me out to Dimitri. The tiger spun around and if it wasn't for my fear of limping, I'd have run to the big guy. It was so gratifying to be cared about. Tront nodded a hello and left before he'd be asked any questions. I eased down in my seat next to Jake, tucking a leg under me to alleviate some of the soreness.

"Well, pet?" Dimitri asked.

"It went good. He tried to be gentle." I looked at my tray. "Hey, where the extra honeydew melon come from?"

Dimitri drummed his fingers on the table and purposefully avoided my stupid smile. "Just hurry up and eat. Breakfast's about to end."

I shoveled in a spoonful of fruit, still grinning ear to ear. "Did Jake's date cancel?" I asked Dimitri, knowing I'd not get much of a response from my fellow fox.

"He's been done for a while. You seemed to be on a fuckin' vacation."

I laughed. "Yeah, he took me out for wine and steak. I barely had time to take it up the ass."

***

"Texting," I said.

"That's a good one," Hash said.

Mid day, the Yard was warming under the clear skies. I hated myself for being petty, but when Vince took Jake to meet a client in the shed, it was all I could do not to jump up and down at the prospect of having Hash all to myself.

The coyote watched a bird flying overhead. "Hot sauce."

"You already said that one."

"I know. But I really miss that," he laughed.

It was a stupid game and it probably wasn't healthy, but I talked him into seeing who could list the most trivial things we missed while in prison. Everything was fun with him. "Dubstep."

Hash propped himself off the grass and looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Dubstep?" he gave me a stern look of disapproval.

"What? Some of roommates were musicians, sort of... It's catchy."

Hash shook his head. "Those are the kind of furs that get you into trouble."

"Well what kind of music do you like?"

"Folk rock," he gave me a haughty smile and I cracked up. "That settles it. We could never be a couple."

He was joking around, but I suddenly worried he could read my thoughts. I did want a deeper relationship with him, but maybe it was all one sided. I got quiet and he noticed. This just made things more awkward. We both started to talk at once.

"Sorry," he said staring at the grass now.

"No, go ahead," I insisted.

"I'm glad you're my friend, Regal."

Hearing him say that meant the world to me. He was the reason I was still alive. I couldn't speak and my eyes stung hot. I wiped my nose. Hash scooted closer, putting his arm around my shoulder. The affection I couldn't begin to repay forced a sob from somewhere deep inside me. I pulled up my knees and hid my face in my arms.

His grip tightened. He held me as I shuddered and cried away any sense of strength I thought I'd built up until I ran out of tears.

"Feel better?" Hash whispered.

I nodded. "I'm sorry," I said into my damp sleeves. Hash rested his head against mine and I almost started up again.

"I like you, Regal. You're so... pure. Even in all this filth."

"I like you too, Hash. I wish I could spend more time with you. Why couldn't you be in H-Block?" I pulled my shirt over my muzzle.

Hash thought for a moment. "I have an idea." My ears swiveled toward him, but I still felt like hiding my face. "Would Dimitri let you go to church tomorrow?"

Dimitri was paradoxically religious, I knew he'd be ok with it. "Yeah."

"Then come to the service. I'll go too and we can sit together. I know it's not much, but until I can come up with a better plan-" My coyote didn't get the chance to finish that as I wrapped my arms around him, dragging him on to his back as we lost our balance.

The fun ended abruptly with the return of Jake. I snarled at the sight of his approach.

"Be nice," Hash scolded me. "Not every fur has your charming personality."

I rolled my eyes, but I listened.

Jake took a seat on the other side of Hash. "How'd it go?" Hash asked him.

He smoothed down his disheveled hair. "He had fun. Hey, do you wanna go, while I'm still wet and ready?"

"What the fuck!" I blurted out and started to rise.

Hash held me down. "Thank you for the offer, Jake, but I'm good."

Jake shrugged like he didn't know what he was doing. "Well, if you ever feel like it, I'd like to pay back some of the kindness you showed me. But I'm sure you get offers like that all the time."

I felt my pulse quicken. What if I was the fifth wheel? He could get a piece of that red fur everyone was so fucking impressed with, and I was holding him back. Hash was polite to everyone, why would it be different with me? I was just crying like a little girl, and he was just too nice to tell me to fuck off. I tugged on my shirt. Was there enough air out here?

"I'm not really into casual sex," Hash said. "I have to feel an emotional connection deeper than friendship. Not that I don't appreciate our friendship - we are friends right Jake? - but I don't want to make things weird." Hash was the closest to flustered that I'd ever seen him.

Jake nodded. I could swear it was directed at me instead of Hash.

The red fox succeeded in ruining my afternoon. The three of us sat there on the edge of canine territory, no one wanting to say anything. The most interesting thing before the klaxon sounded to herd us back inside was watching Hash pluck individual blades of grass and letting the weak wind take them.

The grating buzz startled me, but I was so glad for this to be over with. I watched Jake give Hash a quick hug before he pranced off toward our doors. I bit the insides of my mouth until I could taste copper. I already let myself look like a bitch in front of him once today, I had to leave before it got worse. I turned to follow after the asshole. A paw fell on my shoulder.

"We're still on for church tomorrow, right?" Hash asked.

"I-" my voice cracked, "you don't have to. I was just being-"

Hash hugged me tighter than Jake's public display of affection. "Don't let him get to you," he spoke softly into my ear, his breath tickled. "Orthodox Carnavist. Back row." He squeezed tight.

***

I ran to the doors to our wing, hoping to get there before Dimitri showed up, zeroing in on Jake's red fur. "Keep your fuckin' paws off Hash," I growled with as much menace as I could.

Jake turned to me, his infuriating smile unwavering. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean!"

Jake's eyes closed to slits. "You fucked me. Dimitri fucked me. Every goddamn fur can fuck me. You're telling me I can't want a specific cock in me? I should just shut up and take what I'm given?"

"That's not what this is about." I winced at him bringing that up.

"That's exactly what this is about."

My anger lost its steam. I flashed back to that night Dimitri raped Jake in our cell. I was too afraid to stand up to him. He made me join in. "Please. Hash is the best thing I have in here."

Jake's eyes remained cold. "I recall saying 'please' when you and Dimitri-"

"That wasn't my choice!" I shouted loud enough to draw the attention of a guard. I lowered my voice. "I swear to God, I'm sorry. But please, Jake, leave me Hash or I will ask Dimitri to do something."

"'Something,'" Jake parroted. "You're a fucking pet and Dimitri's a sadistic bastard. I'm sure he would love to know you've got a fag crush on Vince's bitch. Maybe he could take him to the shed and, if you're really good, you could lick whatever's left of Hash off a big bloody tiger cock."

I've never been in a blind rage before, and I hope I never am again, but the next thing I knew my fist was throbbing and Jake was on his back, wiping a trickle of blood from his muzzle. A sweeping blow to the back of my knees had me joining my fellow fox, a heavy boot slammed down on my back, pinning me.

"Need back up on the Yard," was shouted into a crackling radio.

***

I spent an hour handcuffed to a chair. Every second of that hour was pure agony. If I was sent to solitary, Piter would find a way to kill me. My lawyer would kill me for getting in trouble again. Hash would kill me for missing our sort-of date. Vince would kill me for losing out on valuable prostituting time. Dimitri would kill me for... for whatever reason he settled on. It'd be a miracle if I made it through whatever was about to happen.

I groaned at my own stupidity. I was a pacifist. How could I let Jake get me so mad? It didn't even make sense when I played it over and over agin in my head. I questioned Hash's affection, even after he spent the entire Yard time showing me it was real. I let myself freak out at the thought of what Dimitri would do if he was told I liked Hash. Dimitri wasn't the monster everyone thought he was, I knew that. He was making real progress now that I knew how to approach him. I can't believe I even considered Jake's scenario, much less hit him for it.

I was a screw up, I decided. It's why I was in this office, it was why I was in prison, it would be the reason I would die, probably painfully too.

As if on cue, just in time to kick me when I was at my lowest, I heard Blake's familiar voice.

"Regal," he hummed.

My ears flattened and I whimpered.

The coal black wolf brushed down the bristling fur on the back of my neck before grasping my hair and shaking my head roughly. "I've got good news, and I've got better news for you, you little slut." He let go of me with a shove and dropped into his desk chair. "The good news is that your little stunt didn't work."

I looked up at him, cocking my head to the side.

"Oh yes. Don't think I don't see why you punched that bitch. But it turns out there was a localized outbreak of contagious amnesia. I can't find one inmate, including Jake, to say you were even there." I didn't understand his smug attitude. This was really good news for me. "Your ass is staying right where it is."

My eyes widened in comprehension. This jackass thought I was trying to get myself tossed in solitary confinement to escape Dimitri. I lowered my head again, not trusting I could hide my smile. Although I was probably going to be in trouble with the tiger after this.

"The better news is that the guard that caught you has not been affected by all this convenient memory loss... You are getting charged with a felony assault," he cackled. "That should put the final nail in the coffin of your appeal. Even if Jake won't testify, which he will when I'm done with him, we have an airtight case. You might even get time added!"

"You can't!" I forgot my hands were cuffed to the chair, nearly flipping over as I tried jumping up. Blake laughed.

"If it's any consolation, you won't live long enough to make the extra years even matter."

***

An hour later I was being walked back to Cellblock-H, my tail tucked between my legs at the thought of what Dimitri might do. The door cranked open and my heart began thudding. Dimitri was getting up from the feline table. He'd been waiting for me in the common area. Not a good sign. I watched the guard on duty check my name off a list and idly wondered if I bit him, would they write me up again? Would it be worth the trouble putting off whatever Dimitri would do to me?

I looked sheepishly at the tiger as he walked over to me as soon as the guards departed. "Sir, I-"

He silenced me with a look that could have stopped a bullet. He turned and began stalking back to his cell. I followed mutely. The second we were passed the threshold, I was pinned against the wall, Dimitri's paw gripping my neck, not hard enough to choke, but still unsettling in its implications.

"I'm trying to keep my temper in check," he rumbled. "I'm sure you've got a great explanation for why I saw you get taken away in cuffs." I started to speak but a slight increase in pressure on my neck had me thinking better of it. "Save it, pet." His hand began to squeeze and I whimpered, not bothering to resist. But then he was off me, stomping to the far end of the cell and back, fuming. "Bad pet!" his muscles tensed. "Jake told me you attacked him?"

My mind spun along with the room. What was the work thing he could do to me? Through quivering lips, "y-you're not getting rid of me, are you?" What if he gave me to Piter?

Dimitri looked at me, tears starting to run down my face yet again. His rage wavered for no more than a second. "No. I don't kick out a pet just because it chews up my shoes." He wiped my tears away and I nuzzled into that big hand, more sorry for what I did that day than anything I'd ever done before. "You fucking begged me not to get in trouble, not to get taken away from you, and what do you go and do?"

"I'm so sorry, sir," I cried, my whole body shaking. "Don't hate me. Please!"

Dimitri growled to himself, running his palm over his hair. "I don't hate you. But you need to be punished, and right now I'm too pissed to control myself much longer." He paced to the back of the cell again, burning off some of that deadly, simmering rage. "Give me your pillow."

"My pillow?" I whined, but gave it to him right away.

Dimitri flung it onto the top bunk."You'll get it back when I say. Until then..." his face contorted in thought, "just sit in your corner. No reading, no drawing, no nothing."

I dropped to the cold floor, cringing in the corner like the way I spent my first weeks in here.

"I don't trust myself not to hurt you," Dimitri said. "I don't hate you, but I am pretty pissed off right now." He pressed on his eyes like he was getting a headache. "Just..." his arms flung up and he stomped out of the cell, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

There was no clock in the cell, and I didn't dare move. My thoughts were just replays of what I'd been over and over and over already. Everything I could have done differently, everyone I've pissed off. I wished Dimitri would have just hit me and got it over with. I deserved it.

Dimitri didn't come back until the PA system announced it was time for lockdown. I waited until the lights were dimmed before working up the courage to say anything.

"Sir?"

He didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry, pet?"

I hated when he made me be specific, but I was in no position to object. "Because you own me, and I didn't ask permission to hit someone?" There were so many reasons to be sorry, I had no idea what he was fishing for.

"Wrong." Of course it was. Dimitri sighed. "Come here pet."

I crawled over to his bunk. The lights were dimmed but it was still bright enough for the tiger to read my emotions like and open book... bad analogy.

His hand reached out, finding my head and scratching behind my ears. There was no point pretending I didn't enjoy when he'd do that so I closed my eyes and made a contented noise.

"It might be hard to believe," he said, "but I've gotten used to having my pup around here. It made me angry to think you'd do something so dumb as to get your ass locked in solitary." I yelped as he yanked me off the floor, effortlessly wedging me between the wall and himself. He found my ears again and resumed stroking them.

It was so warm and soft after spending the evening in my cold hard corner. I nestled into him, surprised how far our relationship had changed since my first day.

"Don't think you won't get punished. And don't think we won't be discussing how you fucked up," Dimitri grumbled. But I was already falling asleep.

***

Waking up was a jolt. I was in a bunk! My head rested on the chest of the scariest fur I'd ever met, rising and falling in a slow rhythm. I'd never been this comfortable.

It was easy to tell when the tiger woke and his breathing changed.

"Good morning, sir," I said without lifting my head.

Dimitri grunted and I felt his muscles tighten as he stretched. He let me stay on the warm bunk as he went about his morning routine.

"Can I go to breakfast, or am I grounded?" I asked.

Dimitri splashed his face with water from our little sink. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, sir." I would have liked to consider my answer before blurting it out, but I had my face buried in Dimitri's warm pillow, basking in his residual heat and smell.

"Then get ready. Besides, I'm going to have a talk with you and Jake."

Aww crap. "I just lost my appetite." Dimitri turned and gave me a hard look. "Kidding, sir." I forced a smile and got ready.

Breakfast the definition of unpleasant. Dimitri made me and Jake sit next to each other as usual. I saw the scab where I split his lip and felt bad. I'm sure Jake saw the bruise discoloring me under the fur on my knuckles. If the guilt wasn't bad enough, Dimitri took both of our desserts. I wanted my muffin.

"Sir?" I asked. "Did you want me to read-"

"No," Dimitri said firmly enough to shut me up. In the food line a wolf had passed Dimitri one of Vince's notes detailing who paid to fuck me and Jake today, but Dimitri just put it in his pocket and hadn't even pretended to read it. Dimitri looked up from his breakfast, me and Jake must have been giving him the same worried look. "You two fucks are going to work things out first. Vince can suck dicks himself until we're through."

I coughed unconvincingly to cover up a laugh.

Dimitri swallowed his last slice of toast and looked at us foxes. Jake took a sudden interest in his nails and I picked at imaginary lint in an effort to avoid the tiger's stare. My ears flattened and I wished I was invisible. Dimitri outlasted the two of us and we meekly look at him and waited for his lecture.

"I'd like t-" Dimitri began but was interrupted by a jackal, his sleeve rolled up to display a patchwork of skull tattoos decorating his lanky arms.

"Hey, I'm here to pick up-" the jackal started before getting cut off himself.

"Walk away," Dimitri growled. "We're busy." The jackal's jaw opened in protest but one look from Dimitri had him backing off. "Wait," the tiger called and for a moment I thought the jackal's tail would start wagging. "Take this with you," Dimitri thrust his tray into the jackal's chest before turning his attention back to me and Jake.

"Who wants to start," Dimitri glared at us. "I want to know what's going on between you two."

"He hit me!" Jake pointed at me accusingly.

That asshole, I thought. "I di-" Dimitri shushed me.

"Why did Regal hit you, Jake?"

Jake began to falter, probably at hearing Dimitri use my name and realizing he'd misjudged the tiger's temper. "I... was just... talking..."

Dimitri looked at me while Jake retreated into silence. "Regal, what did he say to make you hit him?"

I could smell the fear in Jake. He trembled, almost able to conceal it with a shift of his head. Seeing Dimitri keeping his temper in check must have made his threats of what Dimitri would do if he found out about my crush seem rather foolish. All I had to do was tell Dimitri what happened, tell him about Jake's "sadistic bastard" comment and Jake would be in more trouble than he could handle.

"He said..." I couldn't do that to him. As much as Jake has been a jerk to me, he didn't deserve this. "He said he could beat me up. That I was a pussy that couldn't fight. I guess it just got to me."

Dimitri looked at Jake. "Is that true?"

Jake's eyes were wide in confusion. He barely managed to nod.

"Pet," he shook his head, "you're a dumbass. You don't settle that shit in front of a guard. I don't care how much he got under your skin. Apologize to him."

I turned to the red fox, keeping my ears lowered appropriately. "I'm sorry I hit you, Jake." I really was sorry I resorted to violence. I hoped he would see that. Lying to Dimitri was dangerous, but I didn't want us to be enemies. We vulpines needed to stick together.

"I'm sorry about what I said," Jake said softly. "I'm... sorry." He was sincere.

Dimitri rolled his eyes. "Either of you idiots pull something like that again and I'll let the guards have you." He folded his arms and gave me a crooked smile. "And all this time I thought you were smart, Regal."