A man in metal - Intro
Synopsis: A human is trapped in a kobold-manned spaceship. It is the first time a human is retrieved, so the scientific value is quite high.
Shame half of the crew has other ideas about this whole affair.
This episode serves primarily as a setting for the story, for the ones that actually read the plot (Crazy people, I know).
More is to come, but I make no promises.
Space. The idea that we live inside an almost limitless mass of black void, rocks and giant balls of fire would probably seem ridiculous to people if it were not for the existence of science. At the same time, the idea of giant metal cars going through space like if it was a paper aeroplane would seem quite ridiculous to many people nowadays, and that counts myself as well.
However, what other explanation could there be? I find myself strapped to a bed, inside what I think must be a hospital room (If the other little beds and mechanical equipment seem to indicate), with white, almost metallic walls, and a little window to the side, showing… space. I tried to move, but I was completely immobilized save for my head, and the straps aren’t the typical leather type: they feel metallic, but at the same time smooth like clay against my skin.
“Okay, don’t panic now, think logically.” I said to myself, a very bad habit of mine when I’m nervous. And my current situation, bound, kidnapped and worst of all, naked, is clearly something to be nervous about. To my mind then came all those goofy alien abduction stories where young men like me end up being anally probed and experimented on. “Well, at least I’m stretched enough for it”, I said, thinking about the many deviancies I indulged myself on yesterday. But, hey, when a new fleshlight comes from the mail, and it’s a limited edition dragon sextoy from the “Great Lizards of the Magic World” series, I was going to enjoy it. Such perverted thoughts serve as a great distraction form my inescapable situation.
- - Mortine: Garr corheria a urielcasc: Hei spas scos trii ssfizz fur. Mortine… - -
The white light that illuminated the room was substituted for a reddish one, and there’s a voiced warning that I cannot understand in the slightness. Finally, the metal door in front of me is opening up... maybe the person inside will tell what’s going on, or at least make my pain as quick as possible. With the reduced light level, it’s difficult to see details, but I can tell one thing: the individual getting closer to me is half my size, and wears a hazmat suit!? Did someone just place me in a radiated room? No fucking way, he’d be dead by now… but the individual is certainly getting closer to me, I can see his mask (It looks like it has a snout, what kind of helmet is like that?) looking at my face.
The creature takes out a meter of some sort, I assume it’s a radioactive meter by the way he’s looking at it. He looks at it, then at me, then puts it near my leg, then looks at it again… does it think I’m radioactive? This is the weirdest kidnapping ever.
“Hey, guy, or whatever you are, I’m not radioactive! Also, if this is a joke, it’s seriously not funny. Can you at least remove these straps? They’re really uncomfortable”.
The creature seems to have heard me, but he hasn’t understood me, since he’s gone completely stiff. Like if it wasn’t expecting me to speak. He looks at this meter again.
“You could at least speak up, you know. C’mon, I don’t bite.”
Did I just seriously wink at it? What the hell is wrong with me?
The creature again looks at me, I can’t really see it with his suit on, but he looks like he has seen a ghost or something, because he leaves the room running and starts shouting another batch of random words I can’t comprehend. Great, I’ve been abducted by the most easily scared captor ever, my day is just getting better and better. Actually, is it day or night? I don’t know.
_The light comes back to normal, and I see the door opening again. And then a sonorous “What the fuck?” comes out from my mouth as I see what I can only describe as “little lizard people”. They’re green and brown and scaly and have tails and they are like half my size and they look fucking realistic. One of them even has a little labcoat and glasses on his snout! Wait, are they males or females? I don’t know, but being watched intensely by two little lizards is mind-boggling to me. One of them says more random gibberish, and the other gets close to me with a little earring-like thing. It kind of looks like an audiphone, is he gonna put it in my ear? _
The scientist lizard (Lab coat means science right?) put the weird earring thing on my ear. I’m surprised it fits in my ear at all, seeing how small everything they have is. Okay, he’s put it, if I’m going to be mind raped it’s gonna be now. Suddenly, I hear something completely different from what I was hearing before:
- - Attention: Potential biohazardous material in holding room: Do not enter without the proper anti-radiation equipment. Attention… - -
Oh, god, I can understand the annoying alert. This must be a translator of some kind! That’s some crazy technology! Do they have these things at home yet?
“For the love of my sanity, turn down that alarm! There’s no radiation here!”
“That’s what I was trying to tell you!”
The other lizard opened his eyes wide as plates. “Wow, it actually speaks!”
“I told you it spoke! I can’t believe the Omnitranslator picked it up for just a week of analysis. These things are amazing.”
“Yeah, I told you working for the Reycercuers was gonna be awesome!”
The alarm finally stops, and I can’t say I’ll miss it. “Thank you”
“And it even has manners! He’s better than OE123 already”
“Whatever, don’t listen to him. You are subject Vers3 until proper identification at the Reyprieministi. Until then you are to remain in this ship.”
“Wow, how direct.”
“I prefer direct over wasting my time.Vers3, do you understand what I’ve just said?”
“Eh… my name is Derek.”
“No number? Wow, we got ourselves a first edition! Talk about lucky!”
“Don’t be an idiot, they probably don’t use numbers!”
The constant bickering is almost funny. Actually, it IS funny. They are yapping at each other while completely ignoring my presence.
“Anyways… we have succeeded in our mission, we move back home.”
“How long will it take? We are really far.”
“Well, that is a question I’m going to ask to our dear captain. Whatever you do, do not let Vers3 out of the restrains for now. He is not to abandon this room for any reason.”
You shudder at the thought of these stupid straps attached to you for any longer.
“There is no need for restrains! I promise I won’t go anywhere”
“Like PA11 and PA41 promised not to fuck in the main room”
“Hey, that’s just rude! In front of the Drek, too!“
“I’m not a Drek, I’m Derek! And I’m classified as a human, thank you very much”
“Human… so that’s how you call your species. No matter, when we have reached home the Sreysienza will surely lend an ear to your rambling. PA11, let’s go to the captain’s, you’ll have time to examine the “human” when we are briefed.”
“Fine. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be back.”
You put your most convincing irritated face at the sarcasm. The little lizard responds by winking at you and moving his tail. He then struts out of the room, leaving you alone.
“Just… what…?”
Trying to make sense of it is not helping. You’re just gonna have to wait until they come back, and are merciful enough to release you.
“I think I’ll call them kobolds. They look close enough, and I’m not a biologist.”
I still cannot believe this is happening. The idea of a bunch of little reptiles with spaceship technology would be ridiculous, even to me, if it weren’t for the experience I’ve just had.
Shit, they look totally attractive too…