FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Henry awakens to the savory smell of cooking eggs and sizzling bacon drifting in from the kitchen. He leans up with a mighty yawn and looks around. Orange light from a rising sun lights up the room and the sisters are nowhere in sight. He pulls away the covers to find the eggs are gone too. The sisters must have woken up early to make breakfast, he thinks. How very unwitchlike of them.

Henry groggily scoots to the edge of the bed and stands up, his muscles sore from the action of the previous day. He shuffles over to the door and opens it, rubbing the crust out of his eyes as he walks into the light.

“I hope you all left some breakfast for me, I’m starving.”

He lowers his hands and-

There’s someone manning the stovetop, but it’s not Urmine or Gothetta. Henry stands stiff in fear as the figure slowly turns to face him.

Covered in a ragged cloak and her antlers nearly touching the ceiling, Malvina smiles ominously, the many medallions tied to her antlers jingling as her head turns.

“Henry dear, my favorite human. I assure you I have plenty of scrambled eggs left. Just tell me, do you prefer the purple eggs with black speckles, or the orange ones with green dots?”

She motions to two, large, cracked eggs sitting on the countertop. Henry feels sick to his stomach at the sight, knees growing weak and mouth going dry. He stumbles backwards and leans against a wall for support.

“How did you get here? Where’s Urmine and Gothetta?” He asks, suppressing a gag.

Malvina flips a panful of eggs and walks towards him, pan in hand.

“Oh, you know, I just felt like dropping by.” She answers with a casual shrug. “You didn’t think you were safe here, did you? You’ll never be safe from me, Henry. As sure as the sun rises or the songbirds sing I’ll always be coming after you. I just couldn’t let such a tasty little morsel slip through my fingers so easily, you’ll bring me mountains of gold on the dark alleys. Or maybe I’ll just mindbreak you and have you as my very own little pleasure slave. After all, I heard you have some experience polishing antlers.” She ends with a devious smirk.

The towering moose closes in on Henry and he cowers in fear, slumping to the floor. He wants to fight back, to run away, to do something. But his body just won’t respond.

“Urmine! Gothetta! Help!” He shouts.

Malvina cackles.

“Oh Henry, stupid human, they’re right here with us!”

She points to the opposite wall and Henry screams. Two heads stare back at him with dead eyes. They’re mounted on wooden plaques, their names clearly printed on golden tags.

“No-no-no-no-no.” He whimpers.

Malvina leans in and stabs the panful of scrambled eggs with a fork, bringing it to his mouth.

“Here, have something to eat, maybe you’ll feel better.” She coos, strands of drool dripping from her mouth as her lips curl into a cruel smile.

The forkful of eggs slip into his mouth, he’s too despondent to resist. Malvina continues.

“How do they taste?”

He shrugs.

“They’re okay. Could use some salt.”

**************************************************

Henry awakens in a cold sweat, shooting upward in a daze. The room is still dark, streaks of pale moonlight sifting in through closed blinds. He looks around the bed. Gothetta and Urmine are sleeping soundly on either side of him, the bear softly snoring as her chest rises and falls with each breath. Heart slowing, he slides a hand under the covers towards the eggs. One, two, and both are toasty warm.

Breathing a sigh of relief he looks to the alarm clock on his nightstand. Five in the morning, he still has a few hours before he has to go to the store. Wanting to get as much rest as possible before the search for Edmund begins he falls back onto the bed and closes his eyes, silently hoping that by the time he’s woken up again the mental images of mounted heads and cracked eggs would have left his memory.

***************************************************

Gothetta raises her hands in the air, staring intensely at the blank TV.

“Bind the tears and make repairs, uncrack the stone and mend the bone, strong and sound, as good as new, this magic spell will see it through!” There’s a pregnant pause, then the doe lowers her hands. “I thought for sure that one was it Urmine. I know it was something with bones and stones.”

The bear shoos her away and stands in her place.

“Let me give it a try. I can’t believe it’s taking us so long to remember the spell for mending things. We’ve both said it dozens of times before! Gah!” Urmine shakes her head in frustration and raises her hands. “I call upon the forces that break and those that create. Bless this object, with broken form, so that it may yet be reborn. Though cracked and worn, and hope forlorn, I wish to no longer see it torn!”

The bear pauses, holds her breath, then finally exhales when nothing happens.

“Perhaps certain spells work differently in Henry’s world? That’s why it’s not working?” Gothetta ponders.

“Doubtful. After all, the dishes from breakfast are washing themselves just fine!” Urmine points to Henry’s sink, several plates being washed by sponges moved with an unseen, magical force. “We’ve got to remember the spell before he gets back, he should be home soo-“

The door to the apartment opens and the sisters stand straight up, fake smiles plastered on their faces as they stand in front of the TV.

“Oh, hello Henry, how was your shopping trip?” Asks Urmine.

“Went great! I got the Ouija board, and the white sand, and I think you’ll love the costumes I picked out. Couldn’t find any volcanic ash but I’ll order some online later today, shouldn’t be a problem.” He smiles, arms filled with bags. He sets them down on the kitchen table and urges them closer. “Alright ladies, who wants to see their Halloween costume first?”

“Oh! Me! Pick me!” Gothetta answers.

Henry smiles at her enthusiasm and puts one of the bags in front of him.

“Okay Gothetta, thankfully at the store I found a mask that should suit you perfectly. It’s shaped just right for the doeish shape of your face, and it’ll even hide your fangs too!”

Henry reaches into the bag and pulls out a rubber horse mask. A white stripe goes down the muzzle with brown flanking it, a fuzzy mane goes from the head to the back of the neck. The smile Gothetta had slowly dies as she takes in the ugly expression the mask bore.

“A…horse mask?” She murmurs in disbelief.

“Yep!”

“Were they out of deer masks at the store? Did they have any cow masks? Or donkey masks? I’d even accept a zebra mask over this one’s wild look.”

Henry shakes his head.

“Sorry, they only had horse masks. I know it looks kind of…silly…but it’s the perfect shape to contain your head. A human mask just wouldn’t work.”

Gothetta sighs and takes the mask out of Henry’s hands, putting it over her head.

“Bleh, it smells awful in here.”

“Halloween costumes don’t tend to be the highest quality, I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do about that.”

She sighs and takes it off, a look of resignation on her face.

“It looks horrid, but you are right. It fits me with plenty of room to spare. I just wish it didn’t smell like a healing potion that’s gone bad…”

“And what about my mask? One like my sister’s wouldn’t work due to my horns, err, horn.” Blurts out Urmine.

“Don’t worry, I thought of that!”

Henry takes another bag and pulls Urmine’s mask out of it. It’s made of thin plastic and in the shape of a red dragon’s head, an intricate pattern of scales imprinted onto its surface. Henry points it at Urmine, then moves its jaw up and down.

“See its mouth? The jaw hinges up and down so it’ll keep your entire face hidden from view while at the same time letting you talk just fine. Plenty of room for your muzzle too, and since it only covers the front of your face your horn shouldn’t get in the way. Go ahead, try it on.”

Urmine hesitantly takes the mask and eyes it up and down before placing it upon her head. She works her jaw up and down to test its movement, and upon finding it satisfactory, turns to Henry.

“It’ll do, I suppose. Though I do look awfully silly.”

Henry shrugs.

“That’s kind of the point of Halloween, it’s one of the few times where you can look silly in public and nobody will mind. I think your mask suits you well.”

“Heh, heh, heh.” Gothetta chortles. “My sister the mighty one horned dragon. How’d you lose your horn huh? Did it fall off when you hit it on the entrance to your cave?”

“Shut your hay hole you rubber faced mare, your mask makes you look just as lame as me. Now Henry, did you get us disguises for our bodies or will our dresses suffice?”

“Don’t worry, I thought of that too.” He answers, rooting around another bag. “Your dresses hide most of your fur but just to be safe I got you these cloaks as well. They’re long enough to go down to your feet and with their large hoods they’ll hide everything not covered by your mask. Besides, it would be easy to explain your furry bear feet by saying you’re wearing boots but Gothetta’s hooves aren’t so easily explained away.”

He hands them each a cheap polyester cloak. They wrap it around themselves and button the front concealing their bodies.

“And what about your disguise, Henry?” Asks Gothetta.

“Disguise? I don’t need a disguise!” He says with a laugh. “Nothing about my normal appearance would arouse suspicion while out and about. You on the other hand would cause quite a stir once people found out that’s no deer mask you’re wearing.”

Gothetta huffs and puts her hands on her hips.

“That doesn’t seem very Halloweenish of you Henry. If it’s the only day of the year you get to dress up and be silly then you should dress up and be silly!”

“And since when were you the expert on how people should behave on Halloween? You weren’t even on this planet until yesterday!” He chides her.

Gothetta’s reply dies in her throat, she doesn’t have a real counter argument to that.

“Silence you two!” Urmine yells, quickly shifting into a softer tone. “Henry, if you’re going to make me and my sister go out in these ridiculous costumes then it only seems fair that you too should have to wear something silly. Come on, is there something you can quickly put on to show your solidarity with your two, poor, costumed wives?”

Henry groans, he had a costume in his closet but it’s one he feared to put on in front of the sisters.

“Do I have to? Can’t I just go as Henry the dimension hopping, fish frying, moose slapping, chimera impregnating human-man?”

The sisters stare at him in an awkward silence. Henry continues.

“Oh alright, fine, let me put it on real quick.”

Henry retreats to the bedroom, opening his closet and shuffling through old pairs of shoes and spare blankets to find the costume. He soon walks out of the bedroom and in view of the sisters, raising his arms in defeat.

“As you can probably tell I'm–“

“You’re a wizard Henry!” Gothetta exclaims, cutting him off.

He looks down and stares at the ground.

“Yes. I'm…I’m a wizard.”

Henry is clothed in a long dark blue robe littered with shiny silver stars and crescent moons. Atop his head sits a pointed wizard hat decorated in the same manner and a fake long white beard covers his mouth. He looks up to the sisters and continues.

“I, uhh, didn’t really want to put this on because, you know, you’re all actual legitimate witches and I'm just a magicless schmuck. Didn’t want to pretend to be something I wasn’t. Besides, I'm sure that you all know plenty of actual wizards back home and I didn’t want to make things awkward.” He shrugs.

Urmine begins circling him, inspecting the costume.

“I think it’s a fine thing to wear tonight. In fact, you’re better dressed than most wizards we’ve had the displeasure of dealing with, isn’t that right Gothetta?”

“Oh yes, it’s rare to see a wizard in his ceremonial robes these days.” Agrees Gothetta. “Most wizards in our neck of the woods are of the nature loving variety, often dressed in leaves, animal skins, or sometimes nothing at all. You have no idea how disgusting it is, to be out in the melon grove minding your own business then bam! You’re suddenly met with an unwanted eyeful of wrinkles, sagging skin, and patchy white fur.” She shivers. “Then I have to chase them off with a fireball or two. They’re absolute menaces, those nudist wizards.”

“Oh, I had no idea they were such a nuisance in your world. Here they’re typically seen as old and wizened, a source of wisdom, not unwanted skin.”

“Well where we come from they’re like pests. Getting drunk on magically infused wine, throwing up rainbows, turning all your pillows into spiders as a prank, randomly teleporting into your house in a glassy eyed stupor, it’s rare to see one that knows their own name and where they are at the same time.”

“Kind of wish I didn’t know that.” Henry says, slowly nodding. “Anyway, now that we have our costumes there’s just one thing I wanted to ask you both.” He brings his hand up and points to his wedding ring. “Do we know if these things work?”

“Oh yes, the rings. These should still have the, which enchantment was it, the unfaithful’s folly?” Urmine brings her ring up to her face, eyeing the purple gemstone in its center. “Now that we’re married they should all be linked, all one needs to do is rub the center of the ring to instantly know the location of the other two rings.”

“Will I still be able to use it even if I'm not magically inclined like you are?” Asks Henry.

Urmine shrugs.

“Only one way to find out. Here, close your eyes and count to ten, I’ll hide from view then you just need to rub your ring and concentrate on where I am. And make sure he doesn’t peek, Gothetta.”

“As you wish!”

Gothetta runs behind Henry and puts her hands over his eyes as he begins the countdown.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!”

Gothetta removes her hands and he looks around, seeing no trace of the horned bear. Henry begins rubbing his ring. It only takes a few seconds before he has his answer.

“You’re hiding behind the kitchen counter!” He yells, pointing to the kitchen.

Urmine’s head immediately pops up with a look of surprise.

“Guess it does work, what do you know. And remember Henry, this means that anytime me or my sister get the feeling you’re fooling around all we need to do is give our rings a rub and we’ll instantly know if you’re at the butcher buying sausages or giving a sausage of your own to the butcher’s daughter.”

“Same goes for you, ya know.” Henry looks to his ring in amazement. “It’s incredible. All I had to do was think about where you were and your location instantly popped into my head! It’s like, well, like magic.”

“Because it is magic. I enchanted them myself.” Says Urmine, a hint of pride in her voice.

“I know, I’m still just getting used to it, I guess. And now that I know the rings work I’ll be using mine to keep an eye on you two while you’re out searching for Edmund. Don’t go wandering into any places you shouldn’t be, and if you need my help you’ll know where to find me.”

“Understood. Now when shall we begin the search?”

“Go ahead and follow me outside, I want to give you a little tour of my world before setting you off on your own. It’s very different than yours, but I think you’ll find it welcoming.”

******************************************************

*Ribbit*

Edmund hops from one concrete square to the next, working his way along a sidewalk.

Edmund likes this place.

Edmund likes being out of the bottle and free of the doe and bear.

They like to kill Edmund.

And what did he ever do to them besides be a frog?

Edmund remembers the day he was captured.

He had just taken a dip in a bog.

*Ribbit*

And then he followed a fly all the way to a cabin.

He was waiting for it to fly down so he could eat it.

But then a paw came down and picked poor Edmund up!

The bear thing threw him into a jar with a cackle and hauled him up onto a shelf.

Evil bear thing.

Edmund will bite bear thing the next he sees her.

Bite her hard for killing Edmund so many times.

And bite doe thing a few times as well for good measure!

*Ribbit*

But that can all wait for later.

Edmund hears a fly.

He looks to his left and a nice, tasty, juicy fly buzzes right past him and over a grassy yard.

He hops with purpose.

Chasing the fly to a wooden fence.

It slips between the slats and Edmund’s stomach gurgles.

The slippery frog burrows underneath the wooden fence and emerges on the other side.

The fly buzzes just out of his reach as if to mock him.

He will not be mocked.

*Ribbit*

He hops forward and into a small garden in the back of someone’s yard.

Edmund pauses just below a large melon and readies his froggy legs, leaping upwards and onto a large melon.

His tongue shoots out and finally captures the pesky fly.

Edmund chews his prey with satisfaction.

This fly will give him the energy needed to bite the bear thing the next time he sees her.

As Edmund enjoys his victory he looks down at the melon.

It’s red.

Like the melons he’s seen in the cabin.

But thankfully he’s not at the-

A hand has picked Edmund up!

He’s being carried now, into a building!

Edmund kicks, and bites, and ribbits but to no avail!

He’s dropped into another jar.

Just like before.

Edmund sits dejectedly, vengeful froggy thoughts swirling around his froggy brain.

Edmund has made a decision.

He isn’t just going to bite the next person he can.

He’s going to kill them.

Edmund must be free.

****************************************************

A wizard, a dragon, and a horse walk down the street of a typical American town. Orange leaves litter the ground and most houses are decorated with a combination of jack-o-lanterns lit with flickering candles, cobwebs hung around porch bannisters, ghosts hanging from trees, or skeletons resting in rocking chairs. The sun is well on its way below the horizon and a chilly autumn wind blows the leaves around the trio’s feet. The dragon turns to the wizard for an explanation.

“And these ghosts, when they show up at your doorstep do you usually banish them back to the underearth with a silver blade or an incantation of banish undead abomination?”

“No-no-no, that’s not what I meant at all. I’m saying that people dress up as ghosts and go from door to door for candy. A ghost is one of the most common costumes, right next to skeletons, zombies, knights, princesses, and characters from whatever movie just so happens to be popular that year.”

“Z-z-zombies?!” Gothetta fearfully stutters. “But why would a zombie want candy? Or is it brain flavored candy? Back where we come from zombies are mindless minions raised by evil liches or dark wizards. They lust for one thing and one thing only, the brains of all who live. Cow brain, bear brain, dog brain, they don’t care where their wrinkly food comes from.”

Henry sighs, this has got to be the tenth time he’s explained this to them, maybe even the eleventh.

“No. In this world things like zombies, ghosts, and any other magical creature you can think of don’t exist. People just dress up as them during Halloween.”

“Then why the candy if not to sate their otherworldly hunger?” Asks Urmine.

“It’s part of the celebration, when the sun begins to set children go out and knock on people’s doors saying ‘trick or treat’, then it’s customary for the owner of the house to give them sweets.”

“And what if the owner of the house wants a trick instead?” Asks Gothetta.

“That’s simple, just don’t give the kids any candy. When a house is being stingy with the goods or otherwise not a friend to the neighborhood there’s a few pranks the local miscreants can harass them with.” Henry chuckles. “A classic one is to put some dog poop in a paper bag then light it on fire on their doorstep, when they try to put it out with their foot they get a chocolate surprise instead. Another one is to throw rolls of toilet paper around the trees in front of the house, takes ages to get all of it down. That’s one’s called TPing.”

“Oooo, absolutely devious.” Gothetta cackles, hands held close to her chest. “And you’re saying it’s morally correct to do those things in your world if they don’t give the ghosts and witches and zombies treats?”

Henry shrugs.

“Well, maybe not completely morally correct, but close.”

“And this whole trick or treating thing, is there a strict age limit?”

“Gothetta, let’s just say that you’re well above it. Kids get candy, not adults.”

“Ohhh come on!” She whines, mood rapidly deflating. “Does need candy too! Especially if they’re wearing masks since that means they have two mouths to feed!”

“I'm not saying you can’t try, just don’t be surprised when they refuse to give you anything on account of your unchildlike height.”

“Stingy humans, persecuting grown up fawns like me.” She huffs, arms crossed. “What if I used a little magic and gave myself the white spots of a fawn on my back? Would they give me candy then?”

Urmine laughs.

“Gothetta, my sweet toothed little sister, how would they see your spots under that cloak of yours?”

“Ah that’s right! I’ve got to think of something else then.”

“That reminds me. Listen here because this is important.” Henry stops in the middle of the sidewalk and the sisters stop with him. He speaks with a deathly serious tone. “Absolutely no magic when you’re out looking for Edmund, okay? If anyone sees you getting up to something that defies the laws of nature it’s bound to turn some heads. The last thing we need is for someone to take a video of one of you shooting a fireball or summoning a minotaur and for it to end up in the news. So please, for the love of all that is holy, try to keep a low profile. Can I trust you on this?”

Urmine puts a paw to her chest.

“On our witch’s honor, you have our word. We will refrain from using our magical abilities while we’re in the public’s eye.”

“Okay, good. Hopefully once we split up it won’t take long to find Edmund. The slippery little beast should still be lurking about town somewhere, probably.”

“Poor Eddy, how I wish to hear him croak once more. It would just break my heart if my one and only Edmund became a cold and lifeless Deadmund.” Whimpers Gothetta.

Urmine pats her on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find him, I’ve got a good nose, you’ve got good ears, and Henry’s got good eyes.” She reassures her.

Henry looks around and exhales, they’d best start searching before it starts getting dark.

“Alright, let’s go over this one more time. If you see a ghost, or a goblin, or any other odd creature walking around what are they?”

“A juvenile humanling searching for treats. And if they don’t receive treats then it’s morally correct for them to prank the supposed treat giver.” Answers Gothetta.

“Close enough. And if you find Edmund and he’s in someone’s backyard, or someone else has him, or even god forbid he’s in someone’s house, what are you going to do?”

“We’ll use our rings to find you, then you’ll negotiate with whoever’s holding him for Edmund’s release.” Answers Urmine.

“Good. Don’t go jumping over fences or getting into arguments when I could settle things with a few polite words. Now, before we set off do you all have any questions?”

The doe raises her hand.

“Oh-oh-oh! I have one!”

“Yes, Gothetta?”

“Are we allowed to eat them?”

“…to eat what?”

“All of those delicious looking pumpkins people leave out by their doors! Are they complementary with the candy or are they a la carte?”

“They’re decorative, Gothetta. Don’t go around eating other people’s pumpkins no matter how tasty they might look. It’s rude.”

The doe sheepishly looks to the ground and kicks the sidewalk.

“Even if they’re in front of a house that refuses to give me candy?” She murmurs.

“Just…use your own judgement, okay?”

“Alright, fine.”

“Good, now did you have any questions Urmine?”

“None. I'm ready to get this frog hunt on the road.”

“So am I. Gothetta, you keep moving in this direction and do a sweep of the neighborhood. Urmine, you head to the cemetery and see if he’s hiding anywhere around there. I’ll head to the park and see if he’s sneaking around any of its ponds. Everyone understand where they’re going?”

“Go to the cemetery and resist the urge to raise any skeletons, got it.” Replies the dragon.

“Around these houses I’ll patrol, with finding Edmund as my goal.” Sings the horse.

The wizard fixes his beard and turns around.

“Alright everyone, good luck and happy hunting. And remember, absolutely no magic!"