FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Leo awoke to a dark bedroom. Must’ve fallen asleep after the last movie. He rubbed his eyes and looked to his right. Missy had taken her spot on his bed as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Figures. All that work on a guest room was for naught.

They had skipped out on dinner, with only muffins and a distant breakfast still floating in his guts. A quick snack wouldn’t hurt, certainly. Leo carefully stepped out of bed and grabbed his phone, navigating his way to the fridge. Before blasting himself with the light of the refrigerator, he checked his phone’s clock. Four in the morning. No way Missy would still be asleep if she hadn’t been drained from the day previous with her paranoia.

Glancing back at Missy’s room, Leo wondered what other things Missy might’ve made. Better let her surprise him. His eyes wandered over to the living room, where moonlight bled through the blinds, casting on a surprisingly clean living room. With the way she acted, he expected half of the furniture to be overturned. Though, he did notice that he was missing a couch pillow or two. There definitely were more plushes, then. He popped open the fridge, grabbed a sugar cookie, and shut it again. Leo paused. Surprising those were still there.

Leo pocketed his phone and walked up to the window by the front door, peering out of the blinds for some shred of entertainment with his treat. Not an animal in sight. Shame. At least it was a nice night, made all the nicer by being back home. He munched on his cookie, noting the gentle wind rustling the trees, allowing moonlight to seep through the mess of branches and leaves.

As he ate, Leo hoped everything was fine with his parents. As much as he wanted to pull answers from them, the last thing he wanted to do was wedge strife between them. At the same time, he was hoping his dad was genuine on his promise to talk about more. Not that he was sure what more could be divulged, especially since his father seemed to be on at least a shred of denial. Leo couldn’t blame him.

There might’ve been a shape in the treeline, but it was too hard to tell. Leo stared hard, trying to make sense of the shape. Unlikely it was anything. Still, the panicked stories from his parents were fresh in his mind. He blinked and it was gone. Leo had half a mind to step out there, and he would have, had Missy not been resting in the other room.

Leo watched for a while longer, trying to pick out any movement in the dark. No use. He finished off his snack and returned to the bedroom quietly. Missy seemed at ease, not even a flitter of the ear. Surely she’d be having a fit if anything were amiss. He gently sat down, making sure his movements didn’t disturb her. It was almost funny to think this was routine between them. He watched her chest rise and fall for a moment before easing into bed and draping the sheets over himself.

---

Staring at a computer screen while at home still felt off to Leo. At least a proper desktop one. It was for a good reason, or maybe more of a self-serving one. Finding where he used to live all those many years ago. Leo trawled around his state’s map, trying to piece together distant memories and vague cardinal directions to find where that mysterious little town was.

Missy, surprisingly, stuck to her room, watching television with the volume set low. Though, Leo could occasionally hear her step up to the doorframe to assumedly gawk at him from a distance. Likely she was still in a haze of emotions regarding the raccoon from the other day. She would get over it, in time.

Probably best that she kept her distance at that moment, allowing Leo to search in peace. Missy might’ve taken the search in any number of ways, and he didn’t want to spend another afternoon placating her. He took a sip of water. Not that he minded so much, but a panicked Missy was good for nobody, least of all herself.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the spick-and-span room. Missy gripped the doorframe, snout poking around its corner to bore holes into Leo. So many feelings vied for her attention in that moment. Leo was home! And he was angry. Not angry now, but he could be. Soon. At any point. Her grip tightened, nails barely digging into wood. And he denied her Riley, and now he was gone, but that was her fault, and Leo’s.

Nothing was wrong with him, at least outwardly. Leo was calm as usual, doing his Leo things. Or, no, he wasn’t. Missy’s head slightly turned. He was on the computer without her. What was he doing there? Looking at maps? Why maps? Why now?

“Are you still watching him?” Selene asked.

Missy turned her head to look at the toy. Her eyes widened and she placed a finger to her lips. Why was she even talking to Selene? Leo was here, so she didn’t need to play pretend. Though, in this moment, she was distant from him. He was ticking, lovable time bomb waiting to go off. An urge pulled her toward him, and simultaneously made her want to flee. She glanced back.

Leo stood in the kitchen, fresh glass of water in his hand. He looked to her, calm, icy eyes grazing her body.

“Want something to drink?” he asked.

Missy froze, throat twitching to a shaky swallow. “No, thanks.”

“Alright. Oh, the muffins are in there if you want to warm them up.”

“Thanks. Uh, maybe with lunch.”

“Sure.” Leo returned to the computer without a further glare or a snide remark.

“I don’t think he’s angry at you,” Selene said. “He doesn’t know where you went.”

Missy almost wanted to shush her, as if Leo could really hear her neurotic little plush toy. Didn’t that mean she was neurotic, too? Missy shook her head and scuttled right back to her bed, settling in next to her stuffed toys. They probably should’ve gotten their own voices to match their names.

Sulie, Odysseus, Arthur. Those silly names brought a smile to Missy’s face, which she bent back into a frown. Just because Leo was nice yesterday doesn’t mean he got off scot-free. Nor did it mean she was off the hook either. Missy rolled onto her side and grabbed at the axolotl, holding it closely to her.

The other two plushes were safely tucked away under her bed. A frog and butterfly. God, it was so weird, wasn’t it? It was fun, but… No way Leo didn’t think it was lame. Good thing she hid them away to lessen the blow. Even though it was kinda cool to show him. It was really cool, actually. He even remembered Selene’s name.

Maybe he wouldn’t know Missy poked around his stuff. Maybe Leo would never find out. It could happen. The little snooping would be Selene and Missy’s secret. Somehow that felt wrong, a nagging voice in the back of her head telling her that was beyond mean. But she had no choice! Missy brought her knees up, balling up her body. What if he did find out? What would she do then? She had no chance against an angry Leo.

Thinking about it, nobody had a chance against Leo, really. The man was like if the Terminator was a tree-hugger. Not tree-hugger, naturist. Or was that the term for people who walked around in the nude? Whatever the case, once Leo put his mind to something, he saw it through. There was no begging or bargaining with him. Missy’s eased her knees back down. That wasn’t true, was it? The whole reason she was here was because of her simple bargaining. She even had a whole room for crying out loud.

Missy flipped rolled over, staring out into the kitchen. Then what was he up to on the computer? She could ask, but then that opened her up to all sorts of probing questions in turn. Some embarrassing, some damning, some terrifying.

But Missy wanted to be near him again, to be held by him again. He was scary, and he was also so very safe and comforting. Not even the mention of Mia got her down too much. Missy’s eyes widened and she shot upright. She never did get a proper answer as to what she said to Leo. Oh, God.

Literally any number of things could’ve slurred from Mia’s mouth. Well, she probably wasn’t drunk, if Leo’s story was true. Either way, Mia being Mia meant anything was on the table. Missy pulled the sheets over her head, then pulled in her plushes underneath.

Leo, on the other hand, had drawn up his own little mental list of possible leads. As he went down them, he stopped. Why had this become so important to him? The little hints of the past had done more than enough to wipe away the suffocating fog that lingered over his childhood. What’s done is done. It wouldn’t change anything between him or anyone else.

But something tugged on him. Some sort of worming feeling in his gut that told him it was important. Leo’s parents had planted a seed of interest. The vague, cultish manner of the town, the supposed body, Missy herself being some sort of demon. With such clashing thoughts on the matter. There was a truth neither of them was seeing.

Now he just had to find his one lifeline to satiate himself.

Parents? They were likely sore from the argument the other day, and while they might indulge in questions surrounding the town, they probably wouldn’t ever want to risk the chance of him going back there. He’d back off a while before considering bothering them about it.

Missy? The incident with the raccoon continued to plague her, alongside the aforementioned uncertainty of how she would react. Pulling truthful information from her without sprinkles of dramatizations was another story entirely. In her mind, their old town might as well be another dimension filled with all sorts of fantastical creatures. Leo furrowed his brow. Considering the way everyone talked about it, it might as well be.

Other old friends? Not a chance. They’d likely immediately assume Missy was with him. He didn’t need another Mia situation on his hands. Nor did he really know how to contact them, and frankly, he didn’t care enough to do so. Missy didn’t seem keen either.

Mia was another option. Leo pulled out his phone and flicked over to texts. Her frantic apologetics still sat in there. Was a little bad that he was only prompted to look at them for the sake of finding out information, probably. Not like he didn’t want to make amends with her, just that doing so felt like stepping into a minefield. Any wrong step could throw forth a deluge of bad feelings and desires.

It wasn’t the most elegant text, instead reading more like a boiler plate email apology one would find in any corporate structure. Leo chuckled and shook his head. If Missy was right, this was basically the only way Mia knew how to be an adult. All of it was handled with business-like gloves and a veneer of false friendliness. She was making the attempt, however, and that’s what mattered. He supposed he should throw an attempt right back at her. In a text. He wasn’t entirely in the mood to talk to her.

Leo typed up a moderately sized reply assuaging her fears and opening up a dialogue between them. Only time would tell if that was a terrible idea. Mia was his only real good lead at the moment, but in all likelihood, she would probably try and leverage the whole thing against him, so his focus was on repairing relations first and foremost.

The state was right, Leo knew that much. The same one he was living in at the moment. He turned his attention back to the screen. Vague memories of certain landmarks floated to the top whenever he moused over them. His parents liked their moderate trips, so it was unlikely they ever traveled out of state. Only problem was, any trip back home was a blur. Leo never really had a reason to learn roads outside of his little neighborhood.

Strange how the more he tried to dig into this past, the more it felt like Missy’s wild musings were more accurate. His parents of all people fed that mysticism. While his father might have added a grounded spin to it, there was a lot of nebulous claims to what he said. It was fantasy pushed through his filter of reality. Everyone had their own way of looking at it, he supposed. Some people were more open to the truth than others. Or they all had their own skewed perceptions of the truth.

That time was more than tumultuous, so it was no wonder they had their own personal pain that marked their thoughts on it. Leo’s parents tried their best to hide it away from him, but it bled through all the same, leaving it a bit of a haze of events.

Leo closed his eyes, picturing his old house and the front yard. To his right, in the far distance was… Jeff’s house? It might not have been. His mind attributed any number of distant faces to the house. Whoever lived there was gone before long, however. To his left was the remote, rundown home of someone else. Was it Ms. Swanson’s? It might have been farther away, not even on the same street. In front, plain forest across the road, not much different from his current home. In back, the forest he played in most, with its many childish landmarks.

Nothing about that was enough to go on. Leo pushed onward, trailing down the imagined road, trying to picture the band of ragamuffins that played with each other along that empty street. Missy would have been there. By his own doing, wasn’t it? She had made her fun tormenting him, then a few other kids mentioned her, too. Some sort of childish innocence made him realize that she just needed a friend, and it wasn’t long before they were just that, friends.

The floorboards creaked behind him. Leo snapped back to look at Missy.

“Yes?” he said.

Missy froze mid-step, looking like she had been caught with her hand in a cookie jar. “Just uh, y’know, wondering what you were up to.” She shrugged, still in her awkward position. “I’m not going to bother you, sorry.” With that, she spun on her heel and quickly walked back to her room.

Another Missyism that Leo would have to ponder. She seemed more worried than annoyed with him. There was the raccoon event, but she should be angry, right? To prod or not to prod. Almost childish to think they couldn’t talk about their feelings freely. Missy was just that kind of girl.

Could take a moment to see what was wrong with her, pry open what’s got her riled up. Leo shook his head. Unlikely he’d get anywhere with that. If anything, she’d only clam up more and probably get more upset.

Just then, Leo’s phone beeped with an incoming text. Mia was quicker than he thought she’d be. Another generic response agreeing with his genuine platitudes and insisting they do everything all over again. That was a shaky first step. He staved off the desire for innocent questions regarding the past. That could be done later. Much later.

And while Leo made amends for what was said, Missy fretted over what she could have possibly said.

Missy lay on the floor next to her bed, out of sight from the doorway. She was staring hard at the two plushes she had hidden away. The frog and butterfly. It was hard to even remember what was going on yesterday. Yeah, she remembered the whole studying part with the plushes, and… she remembered the little dance party. She winced. But after that, it quickly became blank, with only bits and pieces of a manic mind hammering different thoughts into every second.

She remembered coming up with Riley’s name. Riley Raccoon. Riley Raccoon. Riley Raccoon. It was just a funny R name, and it worked, and it worked for how cute he was. Missy frowned. She really did that to him. It gripped at her heart. She really just tore him to shreds in her stupid rush. Missy writhed on the floor.

And it was Leo’s fault, too! If he just grabbed Riley and put him into a box, this would’ve all just been fine. Missy reached out to pet at the frog next to her. Leo was a super survivorman, he should have known Riley was in trouble! Or maybe, because he was a survivorman, he thought Riley should live free in the wild. She rolled onto her back and placed an arm over her eyes. That wasn’t wrong. It was her that hurt him in the first place because she wanted to drag him inside.

What did she even say to Leo in that moment? If she were just a little more calm, maybe she could have convinced him it was the right thing to do. Her memories of it were just flashes of raw emotion, a craving she could feel pounding in her head, nudging her along to the right path.

Missy remembered Leo returning home, the car nearly plowing into the side of the home. Then Leo rushed in, large as life, carrying a delicious pack of food. His face was-- He was sad, maybe, or upset. Right, because she was acting like a maniac. A desire to touch got a hold of her, and a panic inducing need for them to be quiet.

She brought him close.

“Do you love me?”

Fuck! Did she really ask that? Missy tightened her arm around her face. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! She stopped herself short of slamming a hand against the ground. The burning in her body stopped. Her jaw tightened.

But what did Leo say?

Her memories were a haze. Missy remembered his stern face faltering for a moment. The stone wall of emotions had cracked under that one question. He was bathed in the orange glow of the lights, highlighting every detail across his visage. It was like her eyes were eating up every bit of Leo. She asked again, goaded on by that mania in her head, eager to grab at Riley.

Every second in that moment seemed to last an eternity, and then Leo’s lips finally moved. It wasn’t a no, and it wasn’t a yes. She may have wanted a yes in that moment, that affirmation that he would do anything for her, but aside from that, she just wanted him to follow her deranged needs.

Now, however, now she wanted a yes. Missy strained to remember what he said. His lips moved a lot. It must’ve been good enough of an answer for her to consider it a yes in that moment. So was it a yes? Just with more words? Missy swallowed. And he really did consider it, but she only asked because she wanted him to move. Only someone as dumb as her would do that.

But it wasn’t a no.

So he did love her, and he just didn’t want to say it. Leo, for all of his hardcore manliness, couldn’t say “I love you”. Missy giggled to herself. They were in love! Was that the right thing, though? Could they be in love? Was that fair to him? Missy let out a low sigh. It didn’t matter. She didn’t care. She was so happy. But so mad. Her love, who loved her, let Riley die. God, why did it have to be Leo? It was so good it was Leo. That cool, scary man.

Was it OK to tell him that she loved him?

“You can’t just toss love around like that, alright?”

Maybe Leo wouldn’t even believe her. Dumbass that Missy was, she had already tossed around those sickly words like they were nothing, because she had such horrible expectations of everyone. She was sure Leo was going to be like every man at his core, some kind of horny idiot who would do literally anything for attention. It didn’t work on him, and now that she really wanted it – knew that she wanted it – she had tossed it all away.

Leo wouldn’t deny her now, though, right? They had gotten better. Closer. Touchier. Even now, she could feel his hands running across her fur, sinking beneath to touch her sensitive skin. She was hopeless.

Another thought crashed into Missy’s head. But she couldn’t just accept his love now! Missy crawled along the ground to the doorway, peeking out at Leo. Her eyes stared daggers into him. All his fault that Riley was gone. She was so close to having something good! Something she could hold and take care of. Just something to love.

And Leo was that, wasn’t he?

Missy grumbled, only to scuttle back once she saw Leo’s head turn.

No, no it was stupid that she could “fall in love.” What the hell was she thinking? Missy crawled up onto her bed only to drop back to the other side again, looking at the plushes she had hidden underneath.

“Love,” she muttered.

Love was for other people. Missy, however, had no need for some kind of romance. They were good as they were now, buddy-buddy. Casual friends forever and ever that just so happened to get each other off. Some casual sex came with the casual friendship. Didn’t matter to her, as long as it was just them. They were just really, really, really good friends. A step up from all that other stuff she had with other friends.

She should have just live with him forever and keep things like they are. Missy shut her eyes. Her life was just counting the hours and waiting for something special to come along. Everything was ticking along as it should be. Exclusive friends forever. Tossing something like romance into the mix would only muck it all up.

Missy peeked up over her bed. Her mind latched onto the image before her.

It seemed almost impossible for her to be here. Back with her friend, in his home, in her own room. Love was only a few steps away. All of this was the perfect end to her imagined wonderful life. A sugary delight ran through her veins. It was in her grasp, how she always wanted her life to be tied up.

The magical forest woman, and her regular childhood friend. Both in a love that nobody could break, brought together despite space and time tearing them apart. Was there anything better? Could anyone think of a way that would perfectly end her story other than that?

How was she so lucky?

And in pain.

“What would you have done without him?” Selene asked.

Missy snapped to her. Then her eyes wandered over to the window out in the living room, by the front door.

“How would you survive without your Leo? Your mate? Did you have a plan?”

What was she going to do? There was… Nothing. Nothing beyond him. He was her last true hope. Last good hope, anyways.

“I don’t know,” Missy whispered. She shook her head, gripping onto the sheets. “Doesn’t matter. It all worked out. Just like it should have gone. With him.”

“Your best love and yet the easily replaceable body to leech off of.”

“Shut up.”

“If you could count the hours with anyone, why with him?” Selene asked. The whistle of the trees lingered in her voice, and a crackle of leaves with every syllable. “You could count the hours with all of your other friends. But you wouldn’t.”

“He has all the best things.”

“Your friends had all the best playthings, and they let you use them without care. Because you were so special. You aren’t special here.”

“Shut up,” Missy hissed.

Selene wasn’t supposed to sound like that. None of this should have mattered to Missy anyways. She got what she wanted. But something else told her that wasn’t right. Missy slunk back down to the floor. Maybe she didn’t understand what love was. There was something missing here. A respect she couldn’t grasp.

Her head became light and her eyes fluttered. All of these stupid things were pressing on her head. Why did she have to have such a hard life? Her fun, mundane, special, normal life. Missy pulled a blanket off the bed and pulled it over her body, hiding her head away from the world. Screw this whole thing.

None of this made any sense.

Leo, meanwhile, found himself staring at the screen. The map lay before him, providing no further answers. All of his potential leads were null, for now. All of his strings to the past either wouldn’t want to speak to him, or would make something up for the sake of fun.

He looked back at the living room.

And fat chance to find anyone else from that old town. It was a coin flip if they as stable as Mia herself. Or dead. One might’ve even led to the other. Leo shook his head. He shouldn’t have even been thinking about any of this. Didn’t you already hang this up a long, long time ago? It just burst into his life again, much like Missy. He needed a good distraction, a productive one.

Leo stood up, recalling the mentions of a pool or garden with Missy. Both seemed like easy enough things to knock off, but ultimately Missy would enjoy them most, wouldn’t she? Might as well ask what she’d like to get to first. So, he walked over to her room and lightly knocked on the open door.

“Missy?” he called.

No response. The little parade of stuffed toys on her bed stared back. Why, hello there, Sulie, Odysseus, and Arthur.

Leo’s eyes caught on a black leg stuck out from the other side of the bed. Leo furrowed his brow and walked over to her, finding her awkwardly bundled up in a blanket, ears flittering and expression uneasy. As much as he didn’t want her rolling around on the floor, he didn’t want to bother her either.

A couple more plushy friends sat under the bed, staring out at her. And hello there, strange new friends. Leo turned his head slightly. Right, that must have been where the other pillows went. Must have been some other creations she wanted to save as a surprise. Leo made a mental note to act surprised later.

In the meantime, Leo lightly adjusted the blanket Missy lay in to better cover her. That gave him at least some peace of mind. If she was going to writhe on the ground, she could at least do it comfortably.

With that done, he crept out of the room and glanced back over at the computer. A little siren’s call of curiosity tugged at him. No, no need. Leo already had Missy. That was the bookend he needed at the moment. What was done was done, and he could settle for that right now.

Leo moved over to his side room and began looking around. A garden would be most immediately helpful, but allowing Missy a new activity through swimming, probably something new to her entirely, would be nice, too. Hard choice. A garden would at least get her interested in taking care of something. He furrowed his brow. No, it wouldn’t, but she might like it overall and enjoy having it anyways.

Something felt off about the room, although Leo couldn’t quite put his finger on it. His eyes scanned the area, finding everything exactly in its place, or at least what he remembered. Might’ve been just an oddity from being away for a few days, or Missy might have rummaged around a bit. But she wasn’t exactly the type to put everything back where she found it, so maybe just a familiarity thing.

While Leo did indeed have more than a few tools geared toward housework, he was sorely lacking in the botany department. Unless a machete was particularly botanical. Leo realized he never bothered to get any gear for a garden. Just one of those more vague projects down the line, quietly shuffled away in his drawers upon drawers of ideas.

Could just head out now, buy something at the local store, Leo figured. He pursed his lips. Actually, bad idea. With Missy on the fritz, leaving now, especially while she’s asleep, could trigger some other episode in her.

Before, it seemed like she would just love it if he up and disappeared while she got to reap all the rewards. Now? She’d have an aneurysm if he decided to walk ten feet from the house. Leo shook his head and got back up. For now, he could at least take a look at the backyard, if Missy didn’t home in on him and try to strangle him back into her grasp. But before Leo could head off, he shifted a few things around in his side room just to settle his mind.

From the living room, Leo could peer out into the backyard, allowing him to start imagining where everything went. He smirked. Must’ve been what it was like to be Missy. Alright, enough with the distractions.

The backyard directly outside his home was a grassy plain, with only a… raccoon burial site to break up the uniformity of it all. Past that was a trickling of trees, then the whole forest itself. He’d have to smooth out that patch later on. Missy would definitely remember “Riley” but might have a hard time remembering where he was buried. Best to further obscure the whole thing, especially when she’d be glancing outside.

Wherever he set the garden, Leo figured that it at least had to be seen from this window. Missy was definitely the kind of person who wouldn’t care about returns on a project if she couldn’t constantly see them. This was for her as much as him, after all. He pictured it at a comfortable distance away. Not too close, but not too far to where he couldn’t chase off any vermin. It’d have to come with its own little fencing, too.

A shame it couldn’t be a greenhouse. That’d be fun.