Catnip Bandit
A random human man has struck several popular locations in the city, targeting anthro felines. His weapon of choice? Catnip.
This is meant to be a silly, short, fun story.
The Catnip Bandit
I’m enjoying my day off work, leisurely strolling around my local mall. Many people had the same idea, and it makes sense, because Christmas is almost here. The only thing I’m missing is an obedient little man to spend my day with.
I watch with a tinge of jealousy as a vixen sprints by me, carrying her male close to her chest, laughing the entire way as they enter a YEEN'D.com-sponsored store. I only look away when I feel something shove into my side, “Move, bitch!”
I watch in stunned silence as a humie throws me his finger and runs off.
“What the hell?”
What an odd, and courageous little man. I feel a tickle in my sinuses, which makes me sneeze. I wipe my nose with a handkerchief I carry in my purse and squint at small green fibers on the cloth. I use my claws to pick one up and turn it over. It looks like dried... grass, maybe? Apparently, I’m not the only one he’s bumped into, as I hear several women yell, who are busy throwing up fingers or waving their arms at him as he zig-zags between what seem to be random targets.
Damn, my nose really itches. I shake my head and start walking again, hoping to find something interesting to buy. I stop in front of a digital info kiosk, looking at the various floors and listed shops. Are these things usually so bright, and why is it pulsing? Must need some new LEDs. look up at the ceiling, wondering if someone cranked the heat as I pull at my shirt’s collar. Whatever, guess they need to keep the humies warm. My head lifts a bit as something divine smells and pulls my body towards it. I continue to sniff at the air but bump into a tigress, who glares at me. Then I’m bumped into by a cheetah. That’s... odd. I try to ignore the scent, and I’m noticing more girls around the mall are acting strangely.
“Holy shit!” I yelp and slam a paw over my muzzle.
I look around with wide eyes, but only a few canines and humans are looking at me. A warmth spreads from my core, and I’m beginning to feel lightheaded. I continue tracking the scent and step over a mountain lion and lynx struggling on the floor, swatting at each other like kittens. I should be concerned, but instead I snort and begin to giggle. I watch as a panther pulls her man into a bathroom, a massive smile on her face. His eyes are darting around to see if anyone is watching before he disappears as well.
A snow leopard literally pounces on a house cat, and they roll around, laughing. Two other girls are fighting, shredding each other’s clothes. My mind is rapid-firing, and I feel good. Damn, this mall is nice. And holy hell, it's warm. I toss my jacket to the floor and dart towards a panicking border collie guarding some delicious-looking cookies! I slam into her cart, spreading the confections, where several other women join in, stuffing their faces. People are beginning to scream and run around, but not us good girls!
Something tells me it’s only us felines who are feeling so nice, but ah, well, that’s because canines, reptiles, and all the other bitches are lame! Men want to feel it when we purr, and those stupid fleabags and scalies can’t do that! We kitties are the best! Hahahaha! I hack up a piece of chocolate that I didn’t chew enough. I reach for it, but another paw stops me. It’s that tigress. She hisses at me, and I throw my body over the chocolate.
--- A wolf in a police uniform leads her team into the mall’s east entrance, while others enter elsewhere. They’re responding to dozens of panicked calls about felines going nuts and rioting. ---
She looks over the chaos as women chase each other, play games, tear into whatever they can find to eat, or generally act insane. “God dammit, not again.”
Her subordinate, a rookie dalmatian, almost looks scared, “What is it, sarge?”
“God damned catnip bandit strikes again. This is gonna be a long night.”